Begin Again

By Megan Slayer

Taking a pause just might be the cure for his broken heart.

 

         Denver Chalmers thought his world completely collapsed when his twin brother, Deiken, committed suicide. Instead of succumbing to the depression, he took a long breath and kept pushing forward with his life. But he's not really living. Will a chance meeting at the cemetery be the first step toward his salvation?

 

         Jett Dawson shared Denver's view of the world. Deiken had been his everything, but their seemingly perfect relationship hid a multitude of problems. Jett won't forget about his past, but he's ready to move forward. He's always had a crush on Denver and although he's been told its wrong, he wants Denver in his life on a romantic level. Will their common ground and mutual desire lead to disaster or something they both need?

 

This book has been re-edited for this reissue edition.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Megan Slayer
• Release date: May 12, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201494476

Megan Slayer

Megan Slayer, aka Wendi Zwaduk, is a multi-published, award-winning author of more than one-hundred short stories and novels. She’s been writing since 2008 and published since 2009. Her stories range from the contemporary and paranormal to LGBTQ and BDSM themes. No matter what the length, her works are always hot, but with a lot of heart. She enjoys giving her characters a second chance at love, no matter what the form. She’s been the runner up in the Kink Category at Love Romances Café as well as nominated at the LRC for best author, best contemporary, best ménage and best anthology. Her books have made it to the bestseller lists on Amazon.com. When she’s not writing, Megan spends time with her husband and son as well as three dogs and three cats. She enjoys art, music and racing, but football is her sport of choice.

Book preview

Begin Again

By

Megan Slayer

Begin Again by Megan Slayer

Copyright © 2022, Megan Slayer

Edited by Kris Jacen

Cover Art by WZDesigns

Published by Megan Slayer Publishing

Warning: All rights reserved. The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000.

Electronic Release: May 2022

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and occurrences are a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, places or occurrences, is purely coincidental.

NOTE: This book has been reedited for this reissued version.

Taking a pause just might be the cure for his broken heart.

Denver Chalmers thought his world completely collapsed when his twin brother, Deiken, committed suicide. Instead of succumbing to the depression, he took a long breath and kept pushing forward with his life. But he’s not really living. Will a chance meeting at the cemetery be the first step toward his salvation?

Jett Dawson shared Denver’s view of the world. Deiken had been his everything, but their seemingly perfect relationship hid a multitude of problems. Jett won’t forget about his past, but he’s ready to move forward. He’s always had a crush on Denver and although he’s been told its wrong, he wants Denver in his life on a romantic level. Will their common ground and mutual desire lead to disaster or something they both need?

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Epilogue

About Megan Slayer

More from Megan Slayer

For the Lucky Ducks

For JPZ

Chapter One

Denver Chalmers stared at the headstone and rubbed his bare arms. For a hot summer afternoon, he couldn’t deny the chill in his bones. Visiting his brother’s grave never got easier. He caressed the tattoo on the inside of his right wrist. Anger bubbled within him anew.

I hate you. He stared at his brother’s name on the stone. Hate you. Losing his twin two years before damn near killed him, too. You have no idea how it feels. We were a pair.

He gritted his teeth and shifted his weight from his left leg to his right. He’d come to talk to his brother, not scream at the man. He blew out a long breath.

We haven’t had rain for the last three weeks. My corn is all spiky and dry. The cattle are doing well. If I hadn’t put up plenty of hay and straw last summer, I’d be fucked. The garden won’t be stellar this year, but it should be enough to keep things running. I’ll send dairy milk to the girls down at the cheese barn. That should help money-wise. He removed his ball cap and scrubbed his hand over his nearly bald head. He hated long hair—especially in the summer. Few things sucked more than a having a sweaty head while he baled straw in the excessive heat.

He turned his attention back to the grave and replaced his cap. You were my partner in crime, Deik. You understood me when no one else did.

He could almost hear Deiken replying, Nah. You’re good on your own.

But he wasn’t good. He was lonely.

Mike and I aren’t getting back together. He says he can’t handle being with a farmer. The dirt’s too much for him. He hated the hours I kept and the smell of manure. Guess you were right—he wasn’t my kind of guy. He blinked behind his sunglasses and willed the tears to stay away. Wetness slipped down his cheeks. Too late. Damn it. He wanted to move and I can’t. I’m happy where I am. Isn’t that messed up? I’m happy in dirt.

He knelt on the grave and touched the letters carved into the stone. His thoughts turned to the past and the times he’d shared with his brother. I forgive you, Deik. Sounds crazy, I’m sure, but I do. I had no idea you weren’t happy.

He’d missed the signs of his brother’s depression. The withdrawal, the marks on Deiken’s skin from slicing into his forearms, Deiken’s dependence on whiskey to get through the day... He wasn’t sure what he’d thought instead. But Deiken wasn’t the one to talk. He bottled everything up. Denver talked all of the time. Maybe he’d used up all the words, leaving Deiken with none. He didn’t know and wished he’d been more clued in before Deiken took his life.

He sighed and willed the image of his brother’s dead body from his mind. I’m glad you were—are my brother. I miss you and your laugh. I forgive you.

Denver pinched the bridge of his nose and stood. He’d been told in therapy to celebrate the thousand days Deiken had lived and not to focus on the one day he’d died. Maybe that plan was easy for some, but he’d lost his twin. From that day on, he’d sworn someone ripped his body in half and part of him had been buried with Deiken. For a few days after Deiken’s funeral, he considered suicide. Instead, he’d gone to the tattoo parlor.

With Deiken’s passing, he understood more of how his brother felt. The depression damn near swallowed him whole. He felt lost and alone. Mostly, he wanted to bring his brother back. Nothing could do that.

He rubbed the tattoo of the semicolon again. He couldn’t focus on the grief. He could memorialize his brother and still move on. His sense of loss was still there, but as he’d learned in therapy, the world hadn’t stopped turning when Deiken left. Life happened and he wasn’t about to be forgotten.

He’d told himself a hundred times that his problems and Deiken’s death were a pause—life went on. Right now though, his belief faltered. He wanted to go back in time and plead with Deiken to change his mind. Anything to keep his brother from taking those pills.

Footsteps crunched on the dry grass. He glanced over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure why, but he’d expected to see his ex-boyfriend Mike. Maybe they weren’t good together, but Mike had a way of knowing when Denver was low. He focused on the person walking up to him.

This wasn’t Mike.

Recognition swept over him. He knew the man. Jett Allerton, Deiken’s partner.

Oh shit. The last time he’d spoken to Jett, they’d argued. Jett screamed at him and he’d called Jett an asshole. Back then, he hadn’t known the score and blamed Jett for his brother’s passing. Now he knew better.

The guilt came rushing back to Denver. He wasn’t sure what to say to his twin’s partner.

Denver. Jett stopped beside him.

Jett. He wanted to be cool and not lose his temper. Deiken’s actions were his own—not Jett’s fault. Besides, Denver had blown his chances at conversation in the past. How did he know now would be different?

I miss him, Jett said. He stuffed his hands into his board short’s pockets. It’s not the same at the plant without him.

I bet. He turned his attention to Jett, but didn’t really see him.

I come here a lot. I must miss you, since this is the first time I’ve run into you in six months. Jett sighed, then faced away from the grave. Can—can we talk? Not exchange pleasantries, but really talk? Not here.

Denver paused. This could end up therapeutic or really bad. They tended to argue, not talk. But still. If Jett