Saudi Adventure

By Samuel Bell

Saudi Adventure is a comedy story that takes place during the first Gulf War. It involves an army reserve unit that was activated and sent off to war. The two principal characters are Virginia and Adam, who happen to fall in love several months before the war starts. Then they are shipped off to war together. This will lead to quite a few comica

• Language: English
• Publisher: Samuel Bell Books
• Release date: Dec 28, 2021
• ISBN: 9781955403344

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Copyright © 2021 Samuel Bell

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ISBN: 978-1-955403-12-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-955403-13-9 (e)

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Contents

The Reason

The Beginning

Activation

Physicals

Training

The Arrival

Pause

The story is a comedy which involves an Army Reserve Unit which was activated during the first Gulf War. The two principal characters are Virginia and Sam, who met several months prior and happened to fall in love before the war began. Virginia is of Puerto Rican Heritage, works as a librarian and is the mother of five children. Sam is an African American divorced Vietnam Era Vet and football coach with three children. The two found a true love for one another amidst everything going on in their personal lives united by war. This will lead to quite a few comical situations, while both are serving in a war zone together. Duty, love of country and honor, take on a new meaning when the 279th Light Maintenance Company takes to the Battle Field.

The Reason

On August 1st, 1990, the evil Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait. This minor act of aggression, which some may have thought was of a small magnitude; really pissed off the world community in a way that Saddam could never have imagined.

Please allow me to set the stage, and embellish if you will, on the situation that led up to the events of August 1st, 1990.

Our story begins some two years earlier, with Saddam lamenting over some outstanding gambling debts he had incurred while on holiday at Monaco, Morocco. It was well known that Saddam had an unquestionable thirst for hot cars and hot women. You do know that hot cars and hot strippers cost large amounts of money. To say nothing of traveling first class all the time. I tell you that can drain a brother, to say the least… oh well it seems that Saddam was in hock to the sum of 40 million dollars. Being a little short on cash he called up his close friend of the family, Sheik of Kuwait; and asked him for a loan. The Sheik and Saddam were classmates and roommate in school. Both of whom derived their financial successes from their families ties to oil money. The Sheik was rather overweight and slightly vertically challenged (short). Upon Saddam’s request The Sheik’s reply was, No problem Bro! When you have friends like that in high places such as The Sheik, you do not have to fill out a loan application or go through a credit check. Problem solved!

Now this brings us back to July 31st, 1990 which was two years to the date of the loan extended to Saddam by the Sheik. This loan was overdue like a ripe tomato. I mean to tell you that no interest had been paid on the said loan, nor any attempt to repay it back in any form or fashion.

The Sheik being an immaculate dresser of high principles and high morals felt that the time had come for something to be done about this overwhelming $45,267,178.37 void on his financial Ledger. Also, he had a few new American wives who were each requiring Spank Ass New Mercedes Benz E 450 convertibles along with a new wardrobe to match. Like Saddam, he too liked hot strippers and HOT Cars to an excess. Now the sheik did the one thing you do not do as a Player , that is marry the hot Strippers… Which in most cases will cause your International Player’s Card to be revoked…? Man! Continuing with our story… Now armed with that bit of knowledge, you can understand why we have a financial crisis at the palace in Kuwait. Like I said earlier in this story, Hot Strippers and Hot cars will break any man’s bank account or country. Sometimes both…

Moving right along here, The Sheik was trying to call Saddam on the phone. You must remember this was before everybody and their grandmother had a cell phone and there was no caller ID either. The first phone number he tried was disconnected.

The Sheik’s response was to utter these words to himself: DEAD BEAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!

Calling information only helped to further infuriate him, when he would get messages like: I’M SORRY, BUT THIS NUMBER IS UN-PUBLISHED AT THE CUSTOMER’S REQUEST.

The Sheik, not to be out done, went deep into his list of informative associates obtain Saddam’s home phone number and once obtained, he quickly dialed the number. The Sheik allowed the phone to ring the proper number of times which in this case would be six. In between each ring his highness pondered the words of a close aide. He had advised him to be as tactful as possible with Saddam. No curse words, and to be as respectful as possible. Do not demand anything from him, and above all do not give Saddam an ultimatum. While those words were ping ponging from one side of his brain to the other, Saddam answered the phone:

(The following is a telephone conversation that might have transpired the night before the invasion.)

Sheik: SADDAM! SADDAM! YOU HEAR ME! YOU YELLOW DOG, WHERE IS MY FUCKIN MONEY, YA PUNK BITCH! IT’S BEEN TWO FUCKIN YEARS! ASSHOLE!

Saddam: "WHAT UP G? HOW’S IT HANGING?

Sheik: "ENOUGH OF THE SMALL TALK, BITCH! WHEN DO YOU INTEND TO TAKE CARE OF THIS BILL? MUTHERFUCKER!

Saddam: "PLEASE FORGIVE ME, THERE SEEMS TO BE A BAD CONNECTION. WHAT DID YOU SAY SHEIK?

The Sheik was not in a very diplomatic mood at this point, after having had to go through several changes to track down Saddam’s home number.

Sheik: "I SAID, YOU CAMEL RIDING, GOAT SMELLIN, YELLOW DOG FUCKER! I WANT MY FUCKIN MONEY! RIGHT FUCKIN NOW! ASSHOLE!

Saddam: SHEIK BABY, IT HURTS ME TO MY HUMBLE HEART TO THINK THAT YOU THINK, THAT I WOULD TRY TO GET OUT OF OUR DEAL… I’M CRUSHED… HUMM…. TELL YOU WHAT, TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, GIVE ME UNTIL TOMORROW. I’VE GOT TO GET OUT EARLY AND DO SOME SHOPPING. I’M GOING TO ACQUIRE A SMALL PIECE OF PROPERTY DOWN YOUR WAY, I’LL PICK UP THE NECESSARY FUNDS TO TAKE CARE OF THIS SMALL MONEY SITUATIONS BETWEEN US. IS THAT OK?

If only the Sheik had realized what Saddam was saying. I do not think he would have been so agreeable.

Sheik: "YOU BETTER NOT MISS TOMORROW’S DEADLINE MUTHERFUCKER! I’LL GIVE YOU UNTIL CLOSE OF BUSINESS AT THE TIME TO TAKE CARE OF THIS SHIT! TOMORROW BEING THE FIRST OF AUGUST MAKES THIS OFFICIAL.

….. AND ANOTHER THING ASSHOLE, DON’T COME TO ME WITH NO OLE CAMEL STORY! I’M TIRED OF YO SHIT! YA CAMEL RIDING, GOAT SMELLIN ASS, MUTHERFUCKER!"

Saddam: I HEAR YA SHEIK BABY…

Saddam answered in a very soft voice, with just a hint of defiance. Along with that final transmission, the Sheik slammed the phone down. A look of pride and accomplishment rippled across his face. Strutting like a peacock, his Royal Highness began to revel in how he had called up Saddam Hussein and demanded his money, without biting his tongue.

Now at the other end of this just completed phone conversation, things were not so cheery. Saddam was in deep thought……. Then in a twinkling of an eye, his response was like a man making a major decision.

I MUST SETTLE MY DEBTS! AKBAR! Akbar was an aide to whom Saddam had lost quite a considerable amount of money to at the Camel races.

YES, MY GENERAL? WHAT MAY I DO FOR YOU? That was Akbar’s reply. He is a very good servant, or I guess you could call him a good aide. But that was not enough to save him. Saddam being a person with just a few issues, one of them being his inability to deal with the loss of anything, especially money.

AKBAR BRING ME MY AK-47 WITH THE BANANA CLIP. Akbar being a dutiful aide did as he was requested. Upon the fulfillment of his request Saddam took his AK-47 check to see if it was loaded, and it was, and then fired it at Akbar. Akbar was hit 5 times. After the second round, he did not know what hit him. He was dead.

Saddam thought to himself: Hmm, the site a little off… Oh well, what can I said. Then there was a peaceful of acceptance that arrived on his face as he continued to think to himself Ahhh, the melodious sounds of an AK-47 in the PM. There is nothing like it in the world. At that moment a big broad smile flashed across his face.

As swift as the smile came it went. NOW ON TO MORE PRESSING MATTERS! JAMAL, LET’S GO SEE THE REAL ESTATE AGENT IN KAWAIT. GET MY CHECKBOOK! NO! WAIT! I HAVE MY AK-47 ALREADY! THAT’S ALL I’LL NEED. NOW LET’S GO PLAY BREAK THE BANK! BY MAKING AN EARLY WITHDRAWAL….! Saddam Laughed out loud, then he added "THERE WILL BE NO PENALTY FOR EARLY WITHDRAWAL…. Another evil laugh followed this statement.

Now you have the beginning of the story