Shaman Lovers Swamis and Virgins

By Jane Lawton

Everyone has a life journey. Ellen’s journey takes her around the world exploring many cultures and beliefs. She is looking for answers to the age-old questions. Her studies of Native American wisdoms leads her to a variety of characters in Australia, Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Oaxaca, Mexico . She meets shamans and charlatans. Why is she drawn to certain people and places? How do these teachings apply in her own life? Ellen follows her lover to India and begins to study the ancient Bhagavad Gita. In Rishikesh she meets swamis and sadhus and many fellow seekers. Ellen returns to her roots and examines the meaning of life and love. What has she learned? What can others learn from her journey?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jane Lawton
• Release date: Nov 4, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005300135

Jane Lawton

I am many things to many people. I was born in Iowa and moved to Australia in my early years. Now I am a dual citizen and live mainly in Fremantle, Western Australia. I have lived in Santa Fe, New Mexico too. I am an educational professional and a psychologist. I became an avid traveller after my first journey to Australia spending time in India, Malaysia, Bali and Indonesia, Africa and Europe over the years. Recently I have been studying in India and doing volunteer work.

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Prologue

"Time changed and for a few moments the world stopped together. Reflections showed clearly the good and evil, the inequities, the heroes and the villains. The earth breathed and nature started to return.

As the year 2020 dawned a picture emerged in China of millions of people in quarantine and the streets were empty and quiet. It was a shocking view, but this was far away in China. Time speeded up and slowed down in synchronicity. Within days more people were aware of the Covid-19 novel coronavirus and it was appearing elsewhere.

There had been warnings that the earth needed a break, that people were moving too fast and taking too much. It struck like lightning and spread like a wildfire. Australia had been burning and bush fires had threatened koalas and kangaroos and people. The world’s sympathy had gone to Australia, Ellen’s other home. Climate change was blamed and denied.

The striver finds enjoyment through practice of adoration, meditation and service to God and he reaches the end of sorrow-such a joy, though appearing as poison in the beginning, tastes like nectar in the end." (Goyandanda, 1943 The Bhagavad Gita, Chap 18 v. 36-37)

Then it was everywhere, Japan, South Korea and then Thailand reported cases. The next day the first case was reported in the USA. The World Health Organisation declared a global health emergency on January 30. The year had barely started and already it was very new and the unknown took over.

By January 31st the Diamond Princess cruise ship outside of Yokohama, Japan became the largest number of coronavirus cases outside China and the number was only 218. By February 11 the death toll in China was 1,113 and it was in 24 countries. France then Italy saw a surge.

Lockdowns, school closures and travel restrictions began. On February 29th the USA leaped into its first death. By March 13th Trump declared a national emergency. Gatherings were restricted to less than 50. France imposed a nationwide lockdown prohibiting gatherings of any size. Travel was banned in many places.

Everyone stopped and gave a collective gasp. It was unprecedented and no one knew what to do. The Trump administration bungled and chaos reigned. At first it seemed a relief. Then conspiracies developed, opinions varied and every large event was cancelled, even the Tokyo Olympics. Suddenly a hundred thousand people in the USA died.

Heading towards the spring break at school, it was extended for two weeks. On March 14, it became local and real. A colleague from New York lost her father. There was no service or possibility of going to visit family. Everyone was to stay at home unless it was necessary.

New heroes were proclaimed. Health care workers on the frontline were cheered by everyone. Truck drivers delivering groceries and grocery store workers were recognised as important. Even teachers quickly learning to deliver education online were acknowledged. Every day millions were glued to the news waiting to hear it was ending. But that did not happen.

Wildlife flourished and appeared taking to the streets, coming out from hiding. The air in New Delhi, Calcutta, Paris and many other big cities cleared. Waterways in Venice flowed clean and open.

The technology of the internet and platforms to connect thrived. Everyone saw the inside of news reporters’ homes, celebrities and shows delivered in new ways. We are all in this together. became the catch cry.

Millions across the world became unemployed and suddenly the government found trillions in dollars to help. Blacks, indigenous people and all minorities in poverty become victims at more exponential rates than others exposed for all to see.

Some businesses were thriving such as Amazon, Walmart and other stores deemed essential. The drug cartels were having trouble with their operations and were being caught. Addicts were at home. This was not good for those stuck at home with them. Domestic violence rose.

It was a time like no other and it is still happening. Most of us wait and hope that there will be a paradigm shift. Creativity thrives and families come together. No one knows the outcome yet.

Travel and experiences Ellen held so dear were halted by circumstances. Ellen reflected. When she began this story, she did not realise that the people and places and their importance would shift. Revelations would come that had haunted her for 50 years.

The months rolled by and it was a rollercoaster ride. It was not stopping and the rules were confused and everyone was feeling suppressed, confined and it was getting better in other countries, but not in the USA, even though states were reopening. It was an uneven start and the leadership in the White House became more and more confusing.

Tension built as confinement and confusion created anger, fear and paranoia. It was the final straw in a tinderbox when millions of people witnessed a white police officer kneel on a black man’s neck. There were three other police officers there as he said. Help me, help me, I cannot breathe. Then he was quiet. Then he died. People were dying in droves from the pandemic too.

Ellen gasped when she watched this. She had never seen a person murdered before her eyes since the assassination of Robert Kennedy . Her own rage exploded with a feeling of helplessness and no power to stop it. At any moment the policeman could have eased up. But he did not. At any moment his colleagues could have stopped it. But they did not. One gasp of air was all he needed to live. He died in front of millions of people.

Ellen was not alone in her rage. Protests began. Riots began. It was an uprising of frustration. Now after months of confinement, stay at home orders, social distancing, mask wearing,lines at grocery stores and unemployment, large groups gathered.

In the midst of all this Ellen was confronting the choices she made over 50 years ago. It was during a time of another unrest with the confluence of civil rights and the Vietnam war. A moment she chose the wrong place at the wrong time. Now the consequences of these choices came back to unleash pain and trauma she had carried for most of her life. There was a void, a hole in her heart, that was so much a part of her that she seldom let it break into her consciousness.

Ellen had ended up back in Santa Fe, New Mexico for the last 9 years. It had started as a holiday to visit old friends and her family in the USA. One of her friends had told her they needed her back in education. As her contracts in Australia had finished, she applied for a job.

Before she knew it, she had bought a house and a car and settled for much longer than she anticipated. This global pandemic brought it to the fore. She needed to get back to Eli, Vivian and her two grandsons. Her second grandson had been born on her former shaman lover’s birthday. That struck her as one of those mystical synchronicities that had appeared in Ellen’s life.

She had stayed to be closer to her mother who had nearly died several times in the last few years. Her lung cancer had come back and they gave her six months to live six years ago. She was 96 and Ellen could not visit her anyway. Everyone was banned from assisted living places.

After nearly a year of teaching online, Ellen decided to sell her house and retire. Amy had been living with her after she sold her house. It had gone full circle as Ellen had lived in Amy’s house the first time she came to Santa Fe.

There was a lot of time to reflect. Ellen recalled the intense times she had experienced. It was time to tell her story. She wanted to explore how her studies of ancient wisdom and the Bhagavad Gita applied to what she experienced. Ellen looked back and remembered.

Chapter 1

Fremantle, Western Australia 2003

Ellen was remembering the time when she began to explore the ancient texts. Did it have relevance to her daily life? How would it look in modern times? She reflected on a particular point in her life and the events that took place.

I see you without beginning, middle or end, possessing unlimited prowess and endowed with numberless arms, having the moon and sun for your eyes, and blazing fire for your mouth, and scorching this universe by your radiance." (Chap. 11 v.a9) The Bhagavad Gita (Goyandka, 1943)

Many people experience moments in life when a shift occurs like the seismic plates in the earth. Most of the time they plod along in a certain comforting sameness, secure in a routine or stuck in a fog. Then a moment comes when a misty veil seems to lift and they glimpse a different perspective and another universe appears.

Perhaps this moment comes from a shock such as a birth, a death, an accident or a tragedy. Sometimes it is a gentle awakening. You notice a brilliant work of art or hear an inspiring piece of music that touches your deeper self. Words of inspiration are heard or you just feel a presence.

Ellen experienced one of those moments when she went to a picnic on South Beach in Fremantle, Western Australia. She had been asking herself serious questions about her purpose in life, her sanity and what love really meant.

The last relationship had seriously challenged her equilibrium and she had retreated. She had distracted herself with work and study. Her recent study led her to Jamie Sams and the Medicine Cards. She was in the process of creating a Medicine Wheel. She thought perhaps that would bring her some balance and perspective. She was trying to draw positive forces back into her life and gain understanding.

When she was a child on her grandfather’s knee, he had told her stories about the great great grandmother who was part Native American. Ellen had taken this to heart as part of her identity. Looking in the mirror at her olive complexion, high cheekbones and dark straight hair, she fancied herself a Native American princess. All through her childhood on the farm and in nature she had believed this bloodline and now she wanted to explore that culture. Later Ellen would find some more information about this family myth. It too would affect her in unexpected ways.

Today she had emerged from the dark funk of her broken heart and put on a brand new soft pink cotton outfit and prepared for a picnic with some of her favourite people. How lucky she was to live so close to the South Fremantle beach. Ellen felt in touch with her more joyful and happy nature.

She arrived alone feeling comfortable that many people she knew and loved would be there. Madonna was her best confidante and part of her Australian extended family. It was a perfect sunny day. All the major players of the Gypsy Circle would be there. This was what Madonna had named this diverse group of friends.

Ellen parked her old car and started walking toward the different groups of people gathered on blankets and scattered around the grassy part of the foreshore shaded by the Norfolk pines. She could already look to the horizon of the Indian Ocean. The ocean was a great healer and looking at infinite horizons was just what she needed. She drew a deep breath of the fresh sea air.

The first group Ellen spotted was Madonna and the other core members of the Gypsy Circle. There were the three Johnnies. If Madonna was the queen then Johnny B was definitely the king. Johnny B lived in a big white bus and followed the seasons of Australia in that bus. Johnny S or Savvy had a matching white bus and was a guitar playing troubadour that went along in a caravan with Johnny B to follow the seasons. Johnny 3, lived on his yacht and was also an amazing guitar player.

Hello everyone, . Ellen called out happily.

Haven’t seen you in a while,. Johnny B responded.

Johnny B seemed in a very happy mood as he had just returned from a swim. His wavy steel grey hair was damp and his wiry muscled body looked fit for someone in his mid fifties. Johnny B’s face was like a bulldog and that reflected his fierce and loyal personality. You did not want to get on his wrong side. He was a former English Borstal boy and that experience had certainly shaped him.

Borstals were designed to help boys reform and not reoffend in the early 1900’s up until the 1970’s. They were designed to be educational, but were highly regulated and focused on routine, discipline, authority and hard work. However some said they were breeding grounds for psychopaths and bullies. Many people might put Johnny B in that category, however Madonna loved him and he called her ‘mother’.

If there was one positive that Johnny B might have received from his early experiences it was hard work. No one could accuse him of being slack. However he had totally rebelled against authority, regulations, routine or discipline. He was the classic ‘bad boy’ that women fell for. Each trip up north during the winter would see Johnny B bring back the next ‘love of his life’. Sometimes Ellen did not bother to learn their names.

The relationship between Madonna and Johnny B was unusual as it had never been romantic and yet was strong. They behaved at times as an old married couple, very comfortable together. One of Johnny B’s former lovers and mother to one of his 9 children by the various loves of his life, Merlini, described it as in a past life, Madonna had been a real gypsy queen and Johnny B was her pirate king. This seemed a picture that reflected their relationship.

The other two Johnnies were tuning up their guitars to start playing. Ellen decided to drop her contributions to the picnic on their blanket and wander around to see some other people sitting around. The waves were gently lapping and the smell of the ocean made her feel alive.

Ellen saw Alex waving to her. There was a group of three people sitting on a blanket. Ellen saw Alexandria, the new younger and more beautiful woman in Alex’s life. Alex was Ellen’s second broken heart and the prime reason she rebounded into the arms of Damon, her most recent broken heart. However, Alex and Ellen maintained a friendship beyond expectations of most people. Alexandria was new to this group. Ellen walked over, but did not recognise the third person.

Alex in his friendly, charming way introduced her. This is Benson, you should talk to him as he knows about Medicine Wheels.

Ellen sat down and said, Oh, yes. I was looking for some help to build a Medicine Wheel. She was already slightly shaken looking at Benson. He was sitting in a sarong with a tanned bare chest. His thin muscled legs were showing. His head was shaved and that made his steel blue-grey eyes all the more intense looking out from under dark eyebrows.

Each of us has to make our own Medicine Wheel. Benson responded.

At that moment as he looked directly and intensely into Ellen’s eyes, she felt the world start to shake and felt a seismic shift in her consciousness. Ellen was drawn like a magnet. She absolutely did not trust that feeling. That was the feeling Ellen had when she first met Damon. Ellen looked away.

Alexandria was sitting quietly observing. She had only recently arrived into this circle of friends. The two of them had wisely stayed away in Sydney for 5 years letting the dust settle. Alex and Ellen had many friends and the separation sent reverberations around the small community of Fremantle.

Ellen was wondering exactly how the conversation about Medicine Wheels had started. Alex had stopped by one day and they had talked about them. Now she wondered how Alexandria fit into the conversation as it must have included Ellen’s discussion with Alex.

Benson continued to look at her while she burbled some small talk to Alexandria. How are you liking Fremantle?

Alexandria responded in her naturally plummy English accent, I am really liking it.

Ellen imagined it was an improvement to living with Alexandria’s ex partner and father of her teenage daughter on a boat in Sydney Harbour. Ellen still carried a lot of resentment about the whole break up although she was working hard to rise above it. Alexandria was charming and likeable.

It was hard for Ellen to reconcile with Alexandria leaving her six year-old son in Switzerland with her now ex-husband and also leaving her 16 year-old daughter with her biological father in Sydney to come and live with Alex in the house she and Alex had owned together. Ellen tried hard not to judge this, but found it extremely challenging.

Ellen was shaking inside with some conflicting feelings. Benson was talking about looking for a place to stay for a while. I am staying with a friend. Her daughter is getting married and she needs a place for guests that are coming.

Ellen was thinking of offering him a place to stay, when suddenly he got up and said he needed to go. Ellen called her place ‘the home for the bewildered’. Currently she was staying in the main part of the house which was a classic post-war brick and tile house with jarrah floors and a fireplace. The sleep out had been converted into a separate student studio for her son, Eli, and the granny flat was where Madonna lived.

Ellen chatted a few minutes more with Alex and Alexandria and then she too wandered off to see who else had arrived. She had only gone a little way and stopped under one of the Norfolk pines to see where to head when Benson appeared by her side. Ellen gasped as he literally took her breath away. Her entire body seemed to vibrate around him.

With great ease, Benson and Ellen started talking. I love to travel and am planning to do some soon,. Ellen revealed. I may even move back to the USA for a while and explore parts of Mexico.

Benson replied, I would like to return to Oaxaca to finish my training with the shamans there. I was there a couple years ago studying with them. I am not sure I have the stamina to finish.

She noticed his tattoo. It was the classic medicine symbol. It was the caduceus with the two snakes entwined around a staff with wings of an eagle. Ellen recognised it as a medicine symbol, but had no idea that there were two. Both represented healing aspects, but this one also represented Hermès or Mercury which was a patron of outlaws.

Benson noticed her looking at the tattoo. It is part of the eagle which is my totem animal and I got it after the first stage of initiation into the medicine circle, he explained. He also had a crystal skull around his neck.

Ellen began telling her about her studies of the Medicine Wheel and her spiritual studies. She felt surprised to talk about this as seldom if ever did she discuss these feelings with anyone. I have been studying the medicine cards written by Jamie Sams. She lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I would love to go there.

I have been there once in my travels to Mexico. It is beautiful. I have traveled a lot and love to travel. Benson revealed.

We should travel together, she blurted this out like a prophecy. Ellen felt captivated as if she were in some sort of spell.

I am not sure about that, he laughed easily.

Suddenly Ellen got a grip on herself and stopped. This man was a total stranger and suddenly she was talking about traveling with him. She was revealing some of her deepest spiritual feelings and could barely keep from wrapping her arms around him and kissing him.

I have to go, she quickly darted away looking for another group to join.

Luckily there were lots of people around and she went over to see Madonna’s daughter Hilary who was with her latest bad boy Billy. Billy was another of those charming lads from England seeking his fortune in Australia. Hillary was such a beautiful talented young woman, but was like Ellen in making poor choices in men. Her young daughter Julie Ellen had been named for Ellen and it was great for them to be enjoying this beautiful day.

After a lovely visit, Ellen decided to go back to Madonna’s group. To her utter shock, she found Benson in an intense conversation with Madonna. Benson looked again at Ellen and she found that total possibly fatal attraction.

Madonna turned to Ellen and said, This is Benson and he is coming to camp at my place for a few days.

Ellen’s head started to spin. Literally she gulped and tried hard to smile. Benson and I have met already, she managed to say.

Madonna smiled back. She was a sucker for the bad boys too! Ellen could not keep her feelings contained. She leapt up and muttered something about needing to find a bush as she had to go. The confidence she had felt moments ago turned into confusion.

The sun was beginning to set as she rushed off to the bushes on the white sand dunes. Ellen had to get her head together. Her attraction to Benson felt visceral. He was introduced to her by the person she had thought previously to be her soul mate. Benson was now coming to stay with her best friend at Ellen’s place. The veil between reality and mystical seemed tattered.

The gypsy circle was like the eye of a cyclone. Calm in the center, before it shifted and changed destroying everything in its path. Ellen felt on the edge of calm before the storm. Something in her universe was taking a turn. Destruction and creation were open before her.

Could you turn your back while I relieve myself? Ellen jumped when she heard a voice from behind her. It was Benson.

Ellen turned her back and both of them laughed as she heard a stream of piss splatter on the ground. It was so natural and primal, like a coyote marking its territory.

"Coyote….you devil!

You tricked me once more!

Must I sit and ponder,

What you did it for?"

(Sams, 1988)

Ellen laughed and felt very light inside. This will look very suspicious, she said; as they walked from the secluded dunes, laughing and holding hands. Ellen felt like she was spinning in some sort of parallel universe.

I do not care what anyone thinks, Benson replied.

The feeling of lightness was such a relief! Ellen had dwelled in a heavy place far too long. She felt desired and desirable for the first time in a long time.

It was getting dark as they headed back from the dunes after a fabulous sunset. Ellen spotted her son Eli and parted from Benson and headed to speak to him. The party was breaking up and people were packing up their picnics and heading for home.

Eli said hello to a few people and then asked to get a ride back home. Ellen was glad to be with her son as he grounded her like no other person. He was her rock and foundation and she needed that after the strange day she had.

Chapter 2

Fremantle 2003

Ellen went home that night and felt much lighter than she had for a long while. When she got up to go to work the next day it seemed like colour had returned to her grey life. She was dwelling on her encounter with Benson and felt certain she would see him again. Outwardly Ellen concentrated on going about her daily life.

He who outwardly restraining the organs of sense and action, set mentally dwelling on the objects of senses, that man of deluded intellect is called a hypocrite." (Chap 3 v.6) (Goyandka,The Bhagavad Gita 1943)

Ellen continued to study the writings in the book called The Scared Path, by Jamie Sams. (Sams, J., 1990). Each day she drew a card from the pack. The one she drew the next morning resonated with her. It was called 'Rites of Passage'. It read:

The changes of many winters

Mark the cycles of the Wheel,

The lines across my ancient face

Show all that I can feel,

The nature of my passage

Remains a mystery,

For in my heart of hearts,

I hold my destiny.

When I was but an infant

In the beginning of time,

I marvelled at the wonder of discoveries I did find.

Now that I am ancient,

I have learned once again,

That the weight of every winter,

Brings discovery like a friend.

Ellen’s work was stressful and consuming. She worked as Deputy Principal in a low socio-economic area. Her training in psychology and special needs students made her the obvious choice to work with the school discipline. In fact she found it very rewarding although often intense.

After school, she often unwound by going over to Madonna’s cottage in the back of her house to play canasta. Madonna was very competitive and liked a good game. Ellen was competitive too, but really did not care much, just liked to play. If Madonna lost too many in a row she would get quietly furious and a little sulky.

Ellen headed over to Madonna’s hoping to discuss the wonderful picnic weekend and play some cards. She walked down the lane way between the house to the back gate and stopped. Her heart started thumping wildly. She saw a tent set up on the small grassy patch in Madonna’s backyard.

Ellen hesitated before she went in. Her feelings were mixed. Benson had obviously taken up Madonna’s offer of a place to pitch his tent and although