Modern Handfasting: A Complete Guide to the Magic of Pagan Weddings

By Liz Williams

Everything You Need to Plan Your Pagan Wedding

Handfasting is quickly becoming a widely practiced tradition, not only for pagans, but for people from all walks of life. This book is a thorough resource that shares rituals, sample vows, and all the information you need to plan your own ceremony or serve as a celebrant for others.

In Modern Handfasting, you will discover the history, legal considerations, logistics, and magic of the big day. Author Liz Williams—a priestess and longtime celebrant—guides you through writing your vows, opening the ceremony, creating and consecrating a circle, calling the quarters, tying the knot, and closing the ceremony. You will also discover tips and stories from other couples and celebrants as well as practical information on early planning, troubleshooting unexpected problems, finding a celebrant, and performing love magic. Learn how to choose flowers, dates, and other details with magical correspondences.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Llewellyn Worldwide
• Release date: Nov 8, 2021
• ISBN: 9780738766829

Liz Williams

One of the rising stars of British SF, Liz Williams is the daughter of a stage magician and a gothic novelist, and currently lives in Glastonbury. She received a PhD in Philosophy of Science from Cambridge, and her subsequent career has ranged from reading tarot cards on the Palace Pier to teaching in central Asia. Her fifth book, Banner of Souls was nominated for the Philip K Dick Award and the Arthur C Clarke Award.

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About the Author

Liz Williams is a science fiction and fantasy writer living in Glastonbury, England, where she is codirector of a witchcraft supply business. She has been published by Bantam Spectra, Tor Macmillan, and Night Shade Press, and she appears regularly in Asimov’s Science Fiction and other magazines. She has a long-term involvement with the Milford SF Writers’ Workshop and also teaches creative writing. Williams is a member of the Order of Bards, Ovates & Druids and has been working for many years within the British occult community, including organizing the annual Glastonbury Occult Conference.

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Llewellyn Publications

Woodbury, Minnesota

Copyright Information

Modern Handfasting: A Complete Guide to the Magic of Pagan Weddings © 2021 by Liz Williams.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any matter whatsoever, including Internet usage, without written permission from Llewellyn Publications, except in the form of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any unauthorized usage of the text without express written permission of the publisher is a violation of the author’s copyright and is illegal and punishable by law.

First e-book edition © 2021

E-book ISBN: 9780738766829

Cover design by Kevin R. Brown

Cover and part page illustration by Dominick Finelle

Llewellyn Publications is an imprint of Llewellyn Worldwide Ltd.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Williams, Liz, author.

Title: Modern handfasting : a complete guide to the magic of pagan weddings

/ Liz Williams.

Description: First edition. | Woodbury, MN : Llewellyn Worldwide, Ltd,

2021. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021027614 (print) | LCCN 2021027615 (ebook) | ISBN

9780738766584 (paperback) | ISBN 9780738766829 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Handfasting. | Marriage customs and rites. |

Marriage—Religious aspects—Neopaganism.

Classification: LCC GT2690 .W55 2021 (print) | LCC GT2690 (ebook) | DDC

392.5—dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021027614

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021027615

Llewellyn Publications does not participate in, endorse, or have any authority or responsibility concerning private business arrangements between our authors and the public.

Any Internet references contained in this work are current at publication time, but the publisher cannot guarantee that a specific reference will continue or be maintained. Please refer to the publisher’s website for links to current author websites.

Llewellyn Publications

Llewellyn Worldwide Ltd.

2143 Wooddale Drive

Woodbury, MN 55125

www.llewellyn.com

Manufactured in the United States of America

Dedication

To Trevor Jones, my fellow celebrant and partner:

the only person I have ever handfasted, and the only person I ever want to handfast.

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Thanks to everyone who has contributed their stories for this book and to all the people who have trusted us to undertake their handfasting as celebrants. It has been an honor and a pleasure.

Contents

Prologue

Introduction

Part One: Understanding Handfasting

Chapter One: The History of Handfasting

Chapter Two: The Legality of Handfasting

Chapter Three: Things to Consider

Chapter Four: When to Get Handfasted: The Wheel of the Year

Chapter Five: The Ceremony

Chapter Six: Writing Your Vows

Chapter Seven: What You Will Need

Chapter Eight: Etiquette, Ethics, and When Things Go Wrong

Chapter Nine: Let’s Get This Party Started!

Part Two: Correspondences and Magic

Chapter Ten: Magic for Unity

Chapter Eleven: Deities of Love and Marriage

Chapter Twelve: The Language of Flowers

Chapter Thirteen: Herbs for Handfasting

Chapter Fourteen: The Ogham Trees and Handfasting

Conclusion

Resources

Bibliography

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Prologue

The hillside is sunlit, but there’s a touch of rain on the wind, and the rowan berries are already a deep scarlet. The distant road is fringed with the spires of rosebay willowherb, the color of an emperor’s cloak, and beyond, the blue Welsh hills vanish into a misty distance. The priestess glances up, a little anxiously. It’s always an unpredictable country for outdoor rituals—but it would have been the same in the ancestors’ days, over two thousand years ago, and we’re not far from the ancient monuments of the Preseli hills, where some of the great stones of Stonehenge were mined. Far away, the sea is a silver line. The priest joins the priestess, asking, low-voiced, Have we got everything? She nods. Everything’s ready. Ahead, through an arch of willow, she can see the stump of oak that, today, will serve as an altar.

The first guests are starting to straggle up the path. Some of them have nervous smiles: they’re not all pagans. The bride’s friends are a combination of Wiccans and Druids, but the groom’s family don’t really follow any religion, and they don’t know what to expect. The groom has told his mates with a straight face that there might be a ritual sacrifice, and although they don’t actually believe this, it’s sufficiently far out of their comfort zone to make them a little bit twitchy (with some added hilarity, too). They’re gathering on a Carmarthenshire hillside on a Saturday afternoon rather than being down at the pub for the rugby, but they’re laughing and joking anyway. The bride’s friends, who will be calling the quarters, are also coming up the path, wearing medieval dresses and garlands around their hair. They look lovely, and they’ve made a big effort, but they’re not as nervous as the lads. They’ve all done this before, and they’re looking forward to it.

All right, says the priestess. I need everyone in a big circle, around the altar. Yes, that’s it. That’s great—thank you. Meanwhile, the priest is ushering the bride and groom from the willow arch to the altar. On the opposite side of the field, facing east, lies a broomstick. The bride, in a billowing golden skirt and bodice that she has made herself, and the groom, in a pirate shirt and black jeans, smile at one another and at their friends.

The priestess crosses to the altar and raises a silver chalice to the sky. As if on cue, the sun sails out from behind a cloud. Welcome to the ancient rite of handfasting, which we’re conducting today for Rhiannon and David. We’re going to tell you a little bit about what we’re going to do here today, and then—we’ll begin.

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Introduction

In this book, we will be taking a look at the many aspects of handfasting—the custom of pagan marriage. Handfastings are a magical occasion, your special day in which you and your beloved set the seal on your love for one another in a ritual ceremony. We will look at the different facets of handfasting: its history through the ages in the British Isles and Ireland, and its evolution into the range of contemporary pagan ceremonies we know today. Handfastings now are celebrated across the world—you will find couples from Vancouver to Melbourne who have been handfasted. We will examine the legality of the ceremony in different regions and how you will be able to legally marry as well as be handfasted. In addition, we will look at the practical aspects of handfasting (how to find a celebrant and choose a venue, for instance) and, in the second half of the book, the ritual and magical elements in this kind of ceremony. You will learn how to make a handfasting cord, create your own incense, and write your vows. Handfastings are not necessarily a complicated ceremony to organize, but there are a number of things to think about. My aim in this book is to answer as many of your questions as possible, both pragmatic and magical, and, finally, to leave you with a sense of confidence that your big day will go as smoothly as possible.

I am a celebrant myself. Together with my partner, Trevor Jones, I have conducted over a hundred handfastings, as well as rituals like baby namings and funerals, over the last twenty years. We have spoken to many couples who choose to mark their commitment to one another in this fashion, and over the years, we have come across (and resolved!) many of the common problems that handfastings may present. I do not just draw upon our own experience and expertise, but on that of other celebrants. Our friends range from Wiccan elders to Church of England clergy and live in places as diverse as Orkney and the Netherlands. Some work as professional celebrants, while others have simply had a handfasting themselves. All of them have been generous with their time and knowledge, and you will find their words of advice throughout this book. Tips for the celebrant will be found at the end of relevant chapters.

Many people who seek out handfastings nowadays are not themselves pagan. As celebrants, my partner and I have handfasted many people of all religious backgrounds, although a large percentage of them are pagan (at least one of the couple follows a pagan path, for example). Increasingly, the ceremony is seen as a humanist variant, without the formal and perhaps rather stifling trappings of a traditional, conventional ceremony.

Where do we begin when it comes to handfasting? What’s the history of this wedding ritual, familiar to modern pagans now for over half a century? Where and when did handfastings begin? And how do you go about organizing one?

In this book, I will try to answer all these questions and more. We’ll be taking a look at the following:

The history of handfasting

How to find a celebrant

How to organize your ceremony and advice for brides and grooms

Will you need a handfasting planner or wedding organizer?

Advice for celebrants

Taking part and advice for guests

Where and when

The magic of handfasting

Making your own ritual tools

The handfasting ritual

Honoring the gods

Writing your vows

Troubleshooting

And we’ll be including personal experiences from celebrants and handfasting couples, too.

I use the terms brides and grooms throughout this book, but I need to stress that this applies not only to heterosexual couples, but to any couple who wants to become handfasted. I have officiated at many same-sex handfastings in addition to ceremonies in which one or both participants are transgender and/or nonbinary. It is really up to individual couples whether they want to use the terms bride and groom, and if not, that’s fine. Raven Kaldera and Tannin Schwartzstein’s book Inviting Hera’s Blessing: Handfasting and Wedding Rituals includes a ritual, the rite of Aphrodite-Urania, specifically for trans couples, and there are a number of other resources out there. Inviting Hera’s Blessing also contains a number of handfasting rites specifically for queer couples, and if you are planning an LGBT handfasting, you might want to check out some of Kaldera’s ritual suggestions.

In this book, I do not go into the subject of poly handfastings, but there is no reason why you should not have a poly ceremony. I know several people who have undertaken one, and since pagans tend to be into alternative lifestyles, quite a number are polyamorous and want to make a commitment to the people in their lives. In this case, you will need to make sure that the logistics of the ritual (for example, in the binding of hands) are clear to everyone, particularly your celebrant—you don’t want your High Priestess getting in a muddle about multiple cord tying, for instance. As I was writing this section, my partner Trevor (who will be appearing throughout these pages) was negotiating with four women, who wanted to get handfasted in the same ceremony. Not a problem—but we did need to work out the logistics and ask if we were handfasting two couples in the same ritual, or all four of them to each other.

In addition, it should be noted that you can have more than one or two celebrants. Although Trevor and I usually work as a team—High Priest and High Priestess—you can involve more people if you wish. When I use the term celebrant in the text, remember that this can be plural as well as singular.

To use this book, you do not have to read it in a linear way from cover to cover. If there are particular aspects with which you are concerned (such as how to find a celebrant or what food to serve at your handfasting, or how to structure a ritual to the goddess Aphrodite), you can focus on those specific chapters and skip the history. If you want to combine a legally binding ceremony with a spiritual one, then chapter 2 will be of use to you. If you don’t need a legal ceremony and just want a spiritual commitment, then you don’t need to plough through the legal nitty-gritty.

[contents]

part one

Chapter One

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The History

of Handfasting

Handfasting—the custom of marriage in modern paganism—is becoming increasingly popular. More mention of it is made in the mainstream media these days, and it is featured in wedding magazines. When I was in the process of completing this book, a wedding guide arrived through the letter box attached to the high-class British society magazine The Tatler. When I read it, I found that a large section of it was devoted specifically to handfastings—now becoming a popular form of ceremony among younger members of the aristocracy. Cressida Bonas, Prince Harry’s ex, was quoted in it, talking about her battle with her dad, who wanted her to have a traditional church ceremony followed by a sit-down dinner and a speech. Bonas, however, said that her ideal choice of wedding location was a tree, and judging by the Instagram evidence in which she and her new husband are literally riding off into a sunset woodland, she got her wish.

When did the custom of handfasting start? If you’re familiar with expressions such as jumping the broomstick or tying the knot, then you’ve already got a head start on what a handfasting might involve. For the sake of convenience, as celebrants, my partner Trevor and I tell people that handfasting is an ancient Celtic and Saxon rite—a marriage contract between the members of different tribes, which did not necessarily last forever. Suppose your tribe has been at loggerheads with the neighboring people for years. Everyone wants to sort this out. As chieftain, you arrange a handfasting between your son and the daughter of the rival chief. It only lasts for a year and a day—but that’s enough time to cement the relationship between the two tribes, to make you all one family. Whether the relationship lasts or not, it doesn’t matter; it’s the initial ceremony and the thought behind it that count. Maybe the young couple will decide to make it a lifetime commitment. Maybe they’ll part and get wed to their true loves after the year and a day are over. But they’ve brought the tribes together as one family, and that’s what counts.

But is this narrative actually true? Where did the rite of handfasting begin? To answer this question, we’ll take a look at some old texts that mention handfasting in the British Isles and see what kind of ceremonies they’re talking about.

First, I should note that it’s not strictly correct to describe handfasting as a Celtic rite. The term is first found in Late Old English, and it probably comes from Old Norse: handfesta, to strike a bargain by joining hands. There are similar words in neighboring languages: Old Frisian has hondfestinge, while Middle Low German uses hantvestinge. Modern Dutch still uses the term—handvest—to mean the making of a contract, and it has the same meaning in Middle to Early Modern English. It’s actually the same as the Italian word manifesto (as in, a political manifesto), which comes from the Latin manifestum, meaning clear or conspicuous. Manifesto is first found in English in the 1600s, so it’s not a modern word even though it might sound like one.

The word handfasting itself turns up in documents from sixteenth- and seventeenth-century Scotland, and it specifically refers to a temporary marriage. The earliest mention, however, goes all the way back to 1200 and a text called the Ormulum manuscript—a work of biblical exegesis written by a monk named Orm or Ormin. This describes the Virgin Mary as handfast to a good man named Joseph:

¹

The term handfasting is genuinely old, and if you tell your relatives that it comes from the ancient British Isles and Northern Europe, you won’t be misleading them!

What Are the Origins of Handfasting?

This is probably because of some of handfasting’s Scottish roots. North of the border, from the twelfth to the seventeenth century, handfasting was a legal form of probationary marriage. It was an actual ceremony made in the presence of two adult witnesses. In the Hebrides, it was a trial marriage made for a year, during which the woman had to please [her husband] all the while. (We don’t necessarily write that bit into a modern ritual!)

Handfasting is referenced in Thomas Pennant’s Tour in Scotland. This fascinating early travelogue is an account of Pennant’s tour from Edinburgh to the Highlands, in which he comments on the botany and natural history of the country, as well as local customs and folklore. He tells us that,

Among the various customs now obsolete the most curious was that of handfisting, in use about a century past. In the upper part of Eskdale … there was an annual fair where multitudes of each sex repaired. The unmarried looked out for mates, made their engagements by joining hands, or by handfisting, went off in pairs, cohabited until the next annual return of the fair, appeared there again and then were at liberty to declare their approbation or dislike of each other. If each party continued constant, the handfisting was renewed for life …²

Handfasting appears again in The [Old] Statistical Account of Scotland, which was commissioned by Sir John Sinclair, the Member of Parliament for Caithness, to give a picture of the political state of Scotland—but also, like Pennant’s account, to include some of the social customs. The account refers to a piece of ground at the meeting point of the Esk Rivers and cites an annual fair, held there from ancient times, when unmarried men and women would choose a partner to live with for a year. It reads, This was called hand-fasting, or hand in fist. If they were pleased with each other at that time, then they continued together for life; if not, they separated, and were free to make another choice as at the first. ³ Any children would belong to the person who wanted to continue the relationship.

The account goes on to say that a priest, nicknamed a book i’ bosom (probably because he carried either a bible or a marriage register in the bosom of his cassock), would come to the district in order to confirm these marriages.

This region