Mentoring Companionship: Walking Alongside Faithfully

By Freddy Lay

Rooted in a wide range of examples of companion mentoring in scripture, Mentoring Companionship, by author Freddy Lay, develops a compelling vision for how close companionship can strengthen mentoring relationships in ways that provide mutual encouragement and support. It gives a foundation for developing a mentoring companionship framework not just for church, but also for other spheres of life.

The message focuses on companion mentoring, in which paired individuals or groups support each another in their ministry roles. Primarily directed at church leaders, Mentoring Companionship encourages them away from depictions of themselves as powerful solo figures toward a more cooperative and supportive model of ministry, oriented around the greater goal of faithfulness to Christ. Throughout twelve chapters, Lay’s biblically focused study highlights the importance of ensuring church leaders engage in companionship mentoring to benefit from mutual support and accountability and to counter the loneliness and isolation so many leaders in ministry often experience.

Based on his many years of experience in ministry leadership in Indonesia, Lay provides a wealth of suggestions and personal experiences to underlie his analysis of the importance of companion mentoring.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Mar 22, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664221529

Freddy Lay

Freddy Lay has been a lead pastor and church planter of the Chinese Indonesian Church for over thirty years and has overseen more than 200 ministerial pastors and leaders in ministry. Lay is a husband and father of two daughters.

Book preview

CONTENTS

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1 Leadership Is All about Serving

Mentoring Is Coming Alongside to Strengthen One Another

Leadership Is All about Service

Mentoring Is Coming Alongside to Strengthen Each Other

Chapter 2 Relational-Based Mentoring

To Mentor and to Hold Each Other Accountable

Reliable Mentors and Mentees Are Imperfect

Together We Uphold Accountability

Remaining Accessible in Tracking Each Other

Mentor and Mentee Are No Other Than God’s Stewards

Chapter 3 The Connection between Leaders

Companionship in Ministry

The Core Connection between Moses and Jethro

The Core Connection between Moses, Joshua, Aaron, and Hur

The Core Connection between Paul and Philemon

Chapter 4 Seeking Our Mentoring Companions

Connecting with the Same Objective in Mind

Connecting to Mentor to Each Other

Connecting to Be Conformed to His Likeness

Connecting for a Better Outcome

Chapter 5 Enriching and Shaping Each Other

Sharing a Common Foundation for Thriving

The First Shared Foundational Characteristic Is Mutual Acceptance

The Second Shared Foundational Characteristic Is Mutual Encouragement

The Third Shared Foundational Characteristic Is Adjustment

The Fourth Shared Foundational Characteristic Is to Forgive One Another’s Debts

Chapter 6 Strengthening Each Other in God

Wayḥazzêq Eṯyāḏō Bêyahweh

Putting Trust in God

Strengthening Each Other’s Faith

Resting in God’s Promises

Chapter 7 Sustaining Each Other for Victory

Emotionally, Rationally, and Spiritually Connected

Thriving Together for Victory

Emotionally Sustaining Each Other

Sustaining Each Other through Thoughtful Connection

Spiritually Sustaining Each Other

Chapter 8 Companionship in Critical Times

Seeking Direction from God

Learning from the Lives of King Saul and King David

Learning from Naomi and Ruth

Learning from Mordecai and Esther

Learning from Jesus and the Disciples

Learning from Paul and Titus

The Godly Advice from Mentor Paul

Chapter 9 Modes and Types of Mentoring Companionship

Meeting the Pairing Mentoring Companions

Pastoral Type of Mentoring Companionship

Church Leaders Type of Mentoring Companionship

Professionals-Type Mentoring Companionship

Church Ministry Teams Type of Mentoring Companionship

Family-Type Mentoring Companionship

Reverse Type of Mentoring Companionship

Chapter 10 Ethical Reflections on Mentoring

Appropriate Boundaries and Safety Precautions

Highlighting the Relevant Ethical Principles

Ethical Acts Directed to the Law of Christ

Safety Precautions in Mentoring Companionship

Chapter 11 The Challenging Task in Companionship Mentoring

Available Tools to Examine Leaders’ Lives

Being Leaders

Serving as Leaders

Living as Leaders

Becoming Leaders

Chapter 12 Conclusion

Highlights, Further Suggestions, and Recommendations

Highlights and Further Suggestions

Recommendation

FOREWORD

KARIN MAAG

For several years, I took part in a mentoring program at my university, run through the chaplain’s office. Students were matched with staff, faculty, or alumni, and were meant to meet regularly over the course of a year or more for conversation and support over coffee or a meal. I enjoyed the opportunity to get to know some of the students and serve as a sounding board as they explored study options, career possibilities, relationship matters, and issues of faith. But as in many mentoring programs, the advice, guidance, and support were all one way—from the mentor to the mentee.

Freddy Lay’s book aims to set out a different mentoring model, focusing on companion mentoring, in which paired individuals or groups provide support to encourage one another in their ministry roles. His work is primarily directed at church leaders, encouraging them away from depictions of themselves as powerful solo figures and toward a more cooperative and supportive model of ministry, oriented around the greater goal of faithfulness to Christ. Across twelve chapters, his biblically focused study highlights the importance of ensuring that church leaders engage in companionship mentoring to benefit from mutual support and accountability and to counter the loneliness and isolation so many leaders in ministry often experience.

Based on his many years of experience in ministry leadership in Indonesia, Lay provides a wealth of suggestions and personal experiences to underlie his analysis of the importance of companion mentoring. He also roots his study in his careful presentation of a wide range of examples of companion mentoring in scripture. Written in clear and accessible language and including helpful charts, this study offers opportunities for individuals and groups to discuss the pitfalls of ministry, the benefits of companion mentoring, and the need to set up supportive pairings together.

At a time when clergy and other church leaders increasingly report high levels of stress, companion mentoring as laid out in Lay’s book provides a way for these leaders to support one another, providing both encouragement and accountability that can strengthen both leaders and the church itself. Crucially, Lay’s model is not focused solely on person-to-person support but is fundamentally aimed at mentoring companionship practiced in the living presence of God. Above all, companion mentors build each other up through mutual encouragement to fix their eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. That is indeed a model from which we can all benefit.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I am grateful to the Lord, who has granted me this sabbatical that I may have an extended time of solitude with Him to reflect on my previous ministry as missionary, pastor, and teacher. Thanks to Calvin Theological Seminary, which has allowed me to use the seminary resources for my writing project and provided me such a warm, welcome community for my period of research. During my working on this writing project, I have become acquainted with many new friends, seminary and university professors, Calvin Theological Seminary staff, church pastors and leaders, and Calvin Seminary and Calvin University students whom I had never met before, yet they all have served as my companions along this journey and shared insightful thoughts for my personal growth and future ministry.

I owe a special word of thanks to Calvin Theological Seminary faculty who have shed light and had an insightful impact on my writing. A special thanks to Dr. Julius Medenblik, president and professor of church planting and leadership at Calvin Theological Seminary; to Dr. Geoff Vandermolen, a former lead pastor and church planter and currently serving as director of Vocational Formation at Calvin Theological Seminary; to Dr. Lyle Bierma, P. J. Zondervan Professor of the History of Christianity and director of Doctoral Studies at Calvin Theological Seminary; to Dr. Ronald Feenstra, professor of systematic and philosophical theology at Calvin Theological Seminary; to Dr. Michael Williams, emeritus professor of Old Testament studies at Calvin Theological Seminary and the author of the book How to Read the Bible through the Jesus Lens; and to Dr. Cory Willson, Jake and Betsy Tuls Assistant Professor of Missiology and Missional Ministry. I also wish to thank Rev. Richard Sytsma, the former dean of students of Calvin Theological Seminary, who mentored the visiting scholar conversation group; Sarah Chun, the dean of International Student and Scholar Services of Calvin Theological Seminary; and Pastor Andrew Mead, copastor of the Church of the Servant Christian Reformed Church. They all have taken part in my project and have provided significant insightful truths, valuable information, and great thoughts to support my work. I wish I could have more time to learn from them and shape my thought with more aspects of leadership.

I am deeply indebted to Dr. Karin Maag, the director of the H. Henry Meeter Center for Calvin Studies (in Hekman Library) and the editor of the Calvin Theological Journal, who has spent countless hours engaging in careful reading and thoughtful editing of my writing. I was very much blessed and encouraged by her insightful guidance during my writing. Without her significant contribution, I could not have completed this book.

I owe a special thanks to the Indonesian Bersama Fellowship, to many Calvin Theological Seminary and Calvin University students, my dear brothers and sisters who have provided me with a sense of home while I am a thousand miles away from home. I also am grateful to my colleagues Ali Salim and Mega with Jason and Joel, and to Wilson and Linda, who have been very helpful to me since my arrival at Grand Rapids. Special thanks to my brother Henrico Sinatra, who helped design my mentoring charts. There are many others I wish to thank, yet my appreciation is never enough to be well expressed in words.

I praise the Lord with thanks to my home church, Gereja Kristus Yesus, which has allowed me to be absent during my sabbatical. I would like to express my special appreciation to all my colleagues, to the church leaders, many supporting families, and to all my dear brothers and sisters who have consistently prayed for me and made a great contribution to the accomplishment of my writing project. I have never enough words of thanks to count them one by one. May the Lord richly bless them all!

Finally, my hearty thanks to my beloved wife, Juniar Ibrahim and my beloved daughters, Chrisanty Victoria Lay and Eleosia Charistalay, who have been with me all these years at my side in season and out of season, fervently and tearfully praying for me day and night. They have witnessed my struggles, my striving, and my thriving journey with the Lord. We are aware that, unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain (Psalm 127:1).

The original idea and intention for this writing project remain the same as before. I would sincerely like to make my humble contribution to the seminary and church leadership in particular and to those who are called to serve the Lord and appointed as leaders in the church’s ministry—professionals, experts in their field of study, and workers in different marketplaces. I must admit that some thoughts that have been discussed in this book are even part of my past failures or shortcomings in ministry. However, in sharing my personal experiences, I hope that this book will shed some thoughts and insights for leaders to think about the urgency of having companionship mentoring for the development of their leadership to benefit the body of Christ.

I am looking forward to the next chapter of my ministry and keep praying and sharing that through long-term mentoring companionship, leaders can keep shaping each other’s calls, character, and spiritual growth. By sharing each other’s insightful learning, experiences, and spiritual growth, we may receive valuable advice and godly counsel. When leaders can count on each other for help, the development of leadership will surely improve. Through mentoring companionship in mutual trust, commitment, and humility, we may hold each other accountable and keep growing in the grace and knowledge of the Lord. To Him be the glory now and forever.

INTRODUCTION

We may have learned a great deal by attending classes or seminars, gaining much knowledge by reading books and by developing our thinking through interactions with experts in various fields, but most of the time in ministry, we simply need someone with whom we can pray, someone we can rely on in sharing our burdens, a friend we can trust as an accountability partner, a companion who can track exactly where we are. Such a reliable person undoubtedly may also serve as our mentor in time of need.

There will come a time in every leader’s life when that leader becomes anoétos¹ (foolish, unintelligent) as noted in Luke 24:25 or slow of heart to believe, when a leader desperately needs someone to be a friend on the road to Emmaus for companionship. What leaders need at this point is not skills-based or knowledge-based mentoring but relational-based mentoring rooted in companionship. It was not without purpose that Jesus at that moment acted as a friend to accompany the two disciples on the way to Emmaus. Leaders need mentoring companions in time of need.

Good leaders must have good mentors, and they themselves must be good mentors to other leaders. Relational mentoring in companionship may sustain leadership in season and even out of season (2 Timothy 4:2) to prevent the downfall of leaders. The long-term relationship of mentors and mentees in companionship may benefit both in thriving together to serve God’s purpose. Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls, his friend can help him up (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). What a high risk to be alone as a leader without companionship! Inspired by the story of Enoch in Genesis 5:22–24, I gladly define the word companion as two friends walking alongside each other faithfully. Leaders who are supposed to mentor others also need to be mentored. Pastors need to be pastored, and mentors need to be mentored. Companion mentoring is about having accountability partners in ministry to mentor each other.

Our lifespans are brief, and leadership must be passed on from one generation to the next. Even King David, a man after God’s own heart, could only serve God’s purpose in his own generation and then fell asleep (Acts 13:36). One of the most determining factors that keeps a church or an institution growing in the vast, challenging, and changing world is the crucial need to equip and prepare people of great integrity and wisdom to take the reins of leadership. It is our responsibility to transfer the shepherd’s staff from God to the next Joshua leader, a next generation leader after Moses. The whole process of developing leadership is rooted in the importance of leaders mentoring each other. I have no doubt that shaping a leader’s heart to lead requires another leader’s heart for mentorship. Life transformational processes might not be the same for everyone, but just as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), so one person sharpens the effectiveness of another in life and ministry, resulting in a much better outcome. There is no quick fix or instantaneous way to produce transformational leaders in lives and ministry. Instead, the process is nurtured through long-lasting relational mentoring in companionship.

The spiritual journey of leaders tells us that they reached their current positions because they were led and fed by mature leaders. We all are born again spiritually into God’s family as newborn babies that require nourishing milk to grow to be mature Christians. We need someone to walk alongside us to teach us the elementary truths of God’s words till we can take solid food (1 Corinthians 3:1–5) and be further equipped in the ministry as leaders. Before Paul became a mentor to his spiritual son, Timothy, he was once mentored by someone assigned by God Himself. Even a chosen vessel of God to bear His name before Gentiles such as Paul needed Ananias, whom he described as a devout man according to the law, who was highly respected by the Jews that dwelt in Damascus (Acts 22:12). Although no detailed record survives regarding Ananias’s mentoring of Paul at Damascus, Paul clearly was strengthened and immediately testified and preached about Jesus as the Christ. The mentoring process might not be identical for everyone as a step-by-step procedure, but it must take place as a necessary process. Leaders must be mentored and serve as mentors for other leaders. Having mentors in a long-term companionship role is indispensable for the development of leadership. Together we find strength in God.

At an earlier stage of my leadership development, I was mentored by other leaders. However, as I am shifting to another stage and level of leadership, my awareness of the need to keep and maintain mentoring relationships is growing. I often find myself alone in my role as a leader, serving as a leader, living as a leader, and the ongoing process of becoming a leader. A very insightful book, Mentoring Leaders, by Carson