The Browns in Bali

By Ron Hope

This is a light hearted story about a family holidaying in Bali. Anyone who has ever been to Bali will recognise someone they know when they read about Shazza Brown.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Oct 15, 2020
• ISBN: 9781664101500

Ron Hope

The author was raised in the small town of Merredin in Western Australia. There are four things to do in that area. They all start with the letter "F". Farming, Football, and Fighting are three of those. While working in the construction industry he packed his bags and move to Sulawesi.

Book preview

Copyright © 2020 by Ron Hope.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 10/12/2020

Xlibris

AU TFN: 1 800 844 927 (Toll Free inside Australia)

AU Local: 0283 108 187 ([phone] from outside Australia)

www.Xlibris.com.au

818664

CONTENTS

Foreword

Chapter 1

FOREWORD

This book is the brainchild of a good friend of mine. However, depression meant he could never make it happen. So, I have taken the few words that he wrote a few years back and finished the book that he intended to write. Even though I have written the words I still feel as though it is his book.

During bouts of depression, poetry is his form of escape. You can find his poems on the Facebook page The Suburban Bush Poet.

CHAPTER 1

Sharon rolled her eyes in frustration at the family queued in front of them. Clearly, to her mind anyway, these people had never been in an airport before. They seemed nervous and excited whilst asking the most obvious and inane questions. What do we need to do now? How long ’til we get there? Why is that lady wearing a bikini top in the airport line? What does their money look like? Did I remember to turn the gas stove off?

The Bali line was awash with travellers of all types and standards. Sharon, although she was as budget as any other individual flying with this mob, felt superior due to this being her eighth time heading to her paradise.

She managed a smug and satisfied look, knowing she had secrets about Bali that not many others on her flight would know. The fact that she was on just one of seven daily flights from Perth Airport alone never crossed her mind. They were heading to ‘her’ island, and she would tell them nothing. Not until after her second drink at the pool bar, anyway. Then woe betide anyone that contradicted her privileged and valuable information. No siree… no one knew the place like Queen Shazza.

The Browns were headed back to Bali and the world be damned… for two weeks anyway.

Cabin Crew arm and cross check. The pilot’s call to lock down the plane was what Sharon loved. It meant they were cleared to taxi, and on their way. Not long until she could crack a sneaky duty free into a plastic cup full of ice to break the first of many silly rules that always seemed to be put in the way of her fun. So the bloke that owns the airline doesn’t drink ‘cause of his religion. He’s not on the plane and she’s not religious, screw that crap. She was on holidays and a simple little regulation was not going to destroy her rights to have fun.

Landing in Bali at Ngurah Rai Airport was always such a spectacular sight. Coming in from the west and seeing the glorious, palm-lined beaches plus the surf breaks, then landing on a runway stretching out into the ocean. Alternatively the eastern approach gave you a sweeping view of numerous small palm-filled islands stretching out into the Lombok Strait, and then an awesome close-up of the harbour just before touchdown.

The problem with eighty-four dollar seats was that you landed close to midnight and saw stuff-all, apart from traffic zipping along roadways that, from the air, made no sense in their angle or direction. The extra six dollars to pick your seat still had you on the late plane, and what you saved on airfare you spent on a hotel room you hadn’t been in all day. But that did not matter to her; she had got the cheapest tickets available, and that was a win as far as Shaz was concerned.

After pushing their way through people retrieving hand luggage, the family made it to the first bus heading across the tarmac to the airport terminal.

Sharon, hubby Brian and the kids Phoenix 11, Jewel 9 and Bender 7 made their way through Nurry Ray Airport at a bloody good clip. They knew that more planes could land at any time, and they had to be at the front of the visa queue. Nothing worse than spending time standing in a queue, which could be more productively spent waiting next to the baggage carousel.

Although, the baggage carousel itself would be a new experience for the family at this end. Normally they arrived with only carry-on. This time they had both done extra shifts at work and upgraded the family beyond carry-on luggage. It added to them ‘feels’ that Shaz had about this trip. So what that the suitcases were completely empty, they were hers… and they were paid for.

It was a mere forty-five minutes before their empty suitcases arrived. Sharon was by this point, barely able to contain her rage. What was keeping their luggage? She was in Bali, and she was ready to get out amongst it all.

Watching clearly inexperienced travellers, or ‘tourists’ as she and other experienced travellers preferred to call them, leaving the airport before them with just hand luggage fired her up. How dare those novices get out of the terminal head of her. She was oblivious to the fact that it was now after midnight, and the pool bar at their hotel was well and truly closed. She would now have to wait until morning to announce to the world that she was in town. Queen Shazza was here! This island was in for two weeks of excitement with Shaz back on it, leading the way.

Three-star people were new to her, but she believed that she would slot in nicely. It would be the same as when she originally joined the local school Parents and Citizens group. Once they recognised what she had to offer, no one else said much. They had immediately recognised the fact that they finally had a leader. Her opening speech had rendered them all speechless. Shaz was now in control.

Ok Sarah Sarah, she thought to herself. This, she knew, was some funny language that roughly translated to what will be will be. Why didn’t people just say that instead? However right now she had another urgent matter to attend to. Transport! She looked across a rugby scrum of brown faces. No one was waving to her. Obviously the word had not been passed around the Queen Shazza was back in town.

She muttered loudly, Where’s that bloody driver?

The family finally made it to the cattle run outside the airport, where either the drivers are fenced away from the passengers, or the passengers are fenced away from the drivers. Either way it’s a bloody good idea.

A young local bloke with a broad smile was standing in the crush, holding a sign with the name ‘Brown’ printed on it. The sign seemed to be well used, as obviously many families named Brown had stayed at the hotel before. Sharon remembered her favourite Uncle John had stayed many years ago and loved it. Her Aunty had pointed out that the cocktail barman there made a very good Jiggy Jig cocktail and that she should also ask for it. However, it would be best to ask for it quietly when Brian was not around.

They arrived at the car, only to discover another small problem: it was a five seat vehicle, and there were five family members and a driver. Sharon gritted her teeth and asked why only five seats when she had asked for a vehicle for five people. Ketut, the Airport Driver, frowned at this, nodded his head, smiled and opened the door for them to get in.

Sharon once again said that we need a vehicle for five people. Ketut merely smiled once more and pointed his hand helpfully toward the open door. Shaz tried for a third time but this time said it a lot louder. It seemed that this young man must have one of those of hearing impeachment things that she had heard about. Brian silently counted the five seats in the car and very carefully bit his tongue as he took a quick step backwards. He had survived this long and wasn’t stuffing that up now the kid was on his own. He liked to think of it as the coward’s advance rather than as a retreat.

Before the next salvo, which would have led to his rather premature death, Ketut reached in and pulled a cooler bag from the floor of the car. It contained ice cold beer and drinks for the kids… The boy was gonna live. He packed the bags in the back, convinced Bender to sit on Brian’s knee in the front and coaxed the others into the air conditioned car like a veteran diplomat.

Brian had a new friend in Ketut. Brian had witnessed Shaz go into one of her rants and tantrums on more than one occasion, and he certainly did not want it to happen at the moment of their arrival.

Driving through the streets, the whole family began to relax. They were tired but elated to finally be here. They each wound down their window to take in the wondrous smell of two-stroke exhaust and late night sate carts mixed with a backdrop of sewerage and humidity to tie it together.

Aaah Paradise.

The smells created a nostalgic moment for Shaz, and her mind began to wander back to her earlier trips here as a young girl. She had been carefree and single in those days. Possibly, a little too carefree. Thank God for penicillin and treatable STDs. Those were the days that she had never discussed in depth with Brian. There were things that he really did not need to know. Oh and that beautiful naked body of the Kiwi surfer as he made his way towards her bed. His muscular, naked body against hers, and the feeling of his lower body strength still made her feel good today. What an Adonis! But now was not the time for memories.

Upon their arrival at the hotel, all three kids had dozed off. Brian took his customary role of doing as he was told in his stride and carried the kids one at a time into the foyer and laid them on the foyer lounge. Meanwhile the porters at the hotel eyed each other quizzically as they wheeled in a trolley of obviously empty suitcases. When they loaded on the thirty-five kilos of hand luggage. they knew that someone special had arrived. They welcomed at least one different type of tourist every week and had learnt how to handle it all with ease.

Booking in was a simple process late at night: wake up the guy on the floor behind the desk and fill in the paperwork… easy. Unless of course you needed a few questions answered by a bloke who worked the night shift because his English was so poor that he understood very little. Plus, he had two other jobs in the daytime, so really looked forward to sleeping during his night shift. The questions could wait until morning, but if Shaz was up, everyone was up, and if Shaz wanted to know something, she had to know now!

The night porters really did not know where the closest clothing shops were located. They just looked at each other and pointed in opposite directions. However, Shaz did not care. She was asking questions and in doing so was too busy to listen to any answers. These people had to be aware that she was here. Queen Shazza was back in town.

Now, trying to tell the lovely Sharon that the poolside rooms she booked via an unrelated budget website were located on the fourth floor, directly under the rooftop water tanks, was not really the night bloke’s job. Making her understand that ‘adjoining’ meant that they shared a common wall, and not necessarily an access door, was well beyond the abilities of our sleeping workaholic.

The poor overworked bugger had tears in his eyes as the family trudged toward the elevator. To try and explain that the elevator had not operated for several years was also something that was well beyond his linguistic abilities. Brian knew that fear would keep him from sleep that night; both he and the night clerk were going to have the same problem tonight. What would Shaz’s next onslaught be all about?

By this time though, the porters had informed the room staff and the kitchen of this harridan’s arrival. The new arrivals would be amazed that only a few of the staff could speak any English in the morning. Especially while Shaz was within hearing distance.

Arriving at their two rooms Shaz was definitely not happy. She had upgraded them to a three-star hotel, and she wanted top-class, three-star rooms. Brian explained that it was late, and they could remedy the problem in the morning.

It was decided that Brian would sleep in one room with Bender, while Sharon went in with Phoenix and Jewel. Brian couldn’t have been happier. If there were no connecting rooms available tomorrow the desk clerk would get a decent tip. In fact if he timed it right he may be able to chat with them before Shaz came in with the verbal onslaught that was certain to happen.

Morning brought a whole new mood to the holiday. They were in Bali together as a family, and had two weeks of fun in front of them. Shaz gathered the family in one of the rooms and did an inspection before heading down for breakfast. First impressions were everything, and she would make sure that her family was prepared for this. She explained that they would only get one shot at this. Three-star people had standards, and she would make sure her mob fitted in perfectly, even if she had to drag them up to the standard needed.

The Entrance… it’s all about the entrance, as Shazza knew. Even in her tired, angry funk last night she had scoped out how to introduce herself, and her family, of course, to the next level in the three-star crowd. They were now shooting for the stars.

She would have preferred to step out of the carefully selected lift that would have put her, and her family, of course, in full view of the pool, the bar and the dining area. She had seen grand entrances made by world-renowned film stars on the television news, so she knew exactly what was needed. Sadly in this case she had to resort to using the stairs. This was not good enough. The lift in a place like this really should be working.

However the family procession down the staircase had her pulse racing at full revs. She was like a top fuel dragster waiting for the last light change. The lift doors should have been opening with a gentle noise as they announced the arrival of Queen Shazza. There was no other option, for now she had to settle for the stairs. Bender in front with the two girls one step back, but on either side of the staircase, with her and Brian bringing up the rear, as was their regal station in life. Shaz stepped down from the last tread on the staircase with her head held high, as was befitting of someone of her regal status. She stepped forward three paces, then regally glanced around her new domain.

WHAT THE HELL?

Why were so many of these women wearing headscarves? What were those silly little hats the blokes were wearing? Was this some sort of fancy-dress party?

Shit, this was not her Bali. Felt more like some bloody foreignesian country. She knew that Indonesia and Bermuda were close to here so maybe they had come from there. Where were the real people? Other three star Aussies just like here?

Brian stepped down from the last step beside her. He looked around, smiled and rubbed his hands together. Should be plenty of bacon left, I reckon, he said, and headed for the dining room with the kids. They were hungry and hoped that there was toast and Vegemite available.

Disappointment overshadowed breakfast on the first morning. Shaz realised that she was not in the three-star heaven that she had dreamt of... and to make it even worse, her family didn’t seem to care. The kids simply took it all in their stride; they ate their breakfast and headed for the pool.

Shaz was shattered, they had toast and Vegemite. Certainly people would realise they were not three-star if the kids just ate basic style food. Brian… he was even