A New Generation

By Abigail Prevost

College students are clueless, broke, sleep-deprived, and always busy. During this whole thing, you are meant to keep the grades and to follow up with family, friends, love, and life—everything and anything. Once you become abnormal, everything becomes more difficult because you are not the normal boy-girl relationship or the birth gender you were born into. You are different.


Trying to find themselves through loss, heartbreaks, and fights, they try and reach for one another to become who they are.


With humor, drama, love, and friendship, the lives of ten college students will all change forever.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796025163

Abigail Prevost

Abigail Prevost is a high school sophomore in the LGBT+ community, a proud Asexual. She is a love of writing and music, a huge fanatic. Though she is not a fan of herself wanting a relationship, she loves romance stories. Heart-warming stories will break through the cynical brain when she will want it to, however. Abigail finds the less talked about and writes, she doesn't shy away from uncomfortable, though at times she should. She loves her dogs and cats, and without them, she would never step away from her keyboard. Without her ukulele or guitar, she would never speak or try to write anything other than stories. With her mom and two older sisters, and her father, she grows as an individual planned to graduate high school in 2021. Though young, she finds the meaning in small things and tries to bring others joy and show others that it's okay to be who you are and trying to make a difference. Through writing, she believes there is a bigger power that can be found.

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COPYRIGHT © 2019 BY ABIGAIL PREVOST.

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CONTROL NUMBER:   2019903834

   ISBN:               HARDCOVER             978-1-7960-2518-7

                            SOFTCOVER               978-1-7960-2517-0

                            EBOOK                         978-1-7960-2516-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rape, Depression, Homophobia, Biphobia, Transphobia, Homosexuality, Polysexual, Lesbian, Sex, Drinking, Drugs, Transgender, Transitioning, Questioning, Pansexual, LGBT-phobia, Supporting, Death, Bisexuality, Aromantic, Asexual, Swearing, Slurs, Parties

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 04/01/2019

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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CONTENTS

Dedication

September

October

November

December

Dedication

This is dedicated for some many people, my family who have supported me through this process. My sister who is in this community. My two friends, Nick and Alexis, both in the community and have faced these challenges in coming out. This book goes out to anyone who needs a place and finds themselves feeling alone because you are not.

Everyone; who had been abandoned, who had struggled to find their place in the world, who had needed to conform to society’s wishes. You can be who you are, and that is who this book is dedicated to.

September

Howard September 1st, 2018

The rain beats down on the roof as I tried to study for the upcoming final that will creep up soon enough. Being a history student wasn’t as easy as just memorizing facts, not in college. Not after being assigned around ten readings to read, understand, annotate and pick out important information due in a couple days. After deciding I needed space away from my parents, my hometown, there was nothing much more to stay there for.

My family still lived there, sure, but what was there to learn? The only way to truly grow is to leave sometimes. At least that is what Grandma Eliza would tell me when I stayed with her for a while.

Trying to stay out of the way of the man I live with on campus, I had decided to leave and head to the public library off campus, that meant I’d need to return before curfew, but that didn’t matter much to me. I knew that I’d be back before that.

When I sat down at the catalog of sources listed, I only had typed in Vikings, filtering the fiction works that had popped up. Hunting down some reliable books that would work, I found a seat towards to back of the reading area.

I had a good amount of notes written down when I had felt some rustling behind me and then a voice.

I couldn’t help but notice you alone, a voice called behind me. Turning around to see a blond… well, like a blond angel. I didn’t know who this person was, and it somehow sounded like some insult how she commented on my social life.

You know, just focusing on studies I guess, I replied with a thin line as my mouth. I just didn’t know exactly how to reply to this whole thing. After transferring schools to this college, I hadn’t been too keen on looking into social groups or even thinking about my social life. Nothing of the sort.

Well that kind of sucks, this girl sighed, inviting herself to sit down next to me. Her smile never truly falling. She sat in a chair gracefully with her black skirt folding neatly under her.

I knew I shouldn’t have started my studies in the public library off of the college. Looking a little taken aback, the girl must have noticed she kind of invited herself.

Sorry, I haven’t introduced myself, the girl chimed laughing a little. My name is Ashley, she greeted handing out her hand. The paleness was definitely noticeable when compared to my darker skin.

Hello, I’m Howard, nice to meet you too, I smiled back, meeting my hand with hers to shake. Best way to start a maybe friendship? I actually have no idea.

Well, I’m apart of a group near the cafe on the corner, the girl began to explain, her hands flailing excessively to prove her point. It’s an LGBT and plus group that was made, Ashley smiled kindly. All are welcolmed.

Sorry, I’m not sure if you thought I was gay, but I am straight, I replied a tad flushed. Why would I go to a pride club thing? I am straight as far as I know.

Oh! Sorry, Ashley laughed. At this point, I thought she would have gotten up and left, but she didn’t. You know, you really should come. You don’t have to be gay or trans or bisexual, nothing. You can just be anyone. It’s a really fun group, Ashley smiled, I swore that the rain hitting the roof outside had paused at that moment that she grinned.

I’ll think about it, I only reply looking at the girl in front of me.

Awesome! Do you have a sticky note or something? She questioned beaming with joy and happiness.

"Yeah, I fumbled with my bag to unzip the bag as I tried to get a small piece of paper. Handing it over, the girl took to pencil from her rubber band in her hair. ‘Why?’ I wanted to ask, yet reframed myself. Dropping the paper in front of me, she put her pencil back and left.

I hope I see you there Howie! She exclaimed leaving, of course getting hushed by a middle-aged librarian with a style of fashion that looked like any cliche library from high school.

I looked at the paper to see an address and dates written down on the paper. Along with a paper number, which I would guess is Ashley’s.

Sunny Sides Up Cafe, from 7 pm to 11 pm. (You can leave anytime) On Friday.

(123)-456-7890. -Ashley! <3

I began to think, should I go? I never really had given thought into my sexuality, I mean, a guy is supposed to like girls. That’s all that there really is to it, so I have learned though. Looking to where the girl had disappeared, I really wonder if I should go.

Her blond hair swished at each movement as she left, her ponytail situated perfectly so it was in the middle of her head. When she had been talking to me, she had the side bangs going to the side of her head.

Questions began to bloom as I thought, who is she really? She wore a black skirt that ended right above her knees, her shirt hung off her shoulders, yet it was still innocent. It was as if she really was an angel, which was the first time I have ever really thought of with someone.

Trying to focus back onto the subject of Vikings- great subject change, huh- that was when I pushed it all to the side. The post-it note still stuck on my textbook as I read. Hearing over the announcements that the library will be closing soon, I choose to just, go home. To clear my head with some cheap ramen. College meals, I thought with a chuckle leaving the building.

It was that night that I would really begin to question what is going on in my head, what I should do. I moved her to start anew. To become who I want to be. Maybe this is the right step?

Daisy September 2nd, 2018

Mom, I am doing fine, I reassured over the phone. I was walking home from my morning classes when she had called me.

Yeah, I know you would. I am just worried, you only have a couple of years left in school, she replied sadly.

I’m ready for the future, now go bug dad or something. I need to get home, I’ll talk to you soon? I asked.

Alright, sweetie. If you need anything call me, Mom told me protectively.

I will Mom, I smiled as I hung up.

I know that family is important, but sometimes she is just overbearing. Walking home was when I realized I had forgotten my poncho in classes.

Shit, I hissed under my breath tired. Turning around I had begun to walk towards my classes is an annoyance.

Daisy! I heard a female voice call after me, turning my head I turn to see a redhead beaming at me. Shaking my head, I wait for her to catch up before she was next to me. I thought you had your morning classes, why are you heading back to school? Ellie asked curiously.

I was kind of an idiot earlier. I forgot my poncho back in class, I chuckled, I have only had one cup of coffee today. Not enough, I reminded myself.

Nice going, she laughed while she makes sure her two braids are tight and in place. Hey, LGBT group is on Friday, but do you want to hang out with Ash, and I? Ellie asked with some excitement.

Sorry, I have a date tonight, I replied, yeah, I could have said that I don’t need to go. I really think this is a good guy though.

You haven’t met Ashley yet though, come on, Ellie kept begging. I did feel guilty, but I really think this guy could be real.

Maybe later? I really like this guy, I tried, I knew that Ellie would support me. She was always wanting me to actually get in a relationship. She seemed to look like it was alright though.

Oh, who is it tonight? Ellie asked prodding.

This guy Oliver, I replied as we crossed the street.

Do you know what you are going to wear? Ellie asked curiously.

Not really, can you help? I asked a little nervous.

Where would you be without your favorite fashion advisor? Ellie exclaimed flashy, immediately breaking down in uncontrollable laughter. Sure, I’ll help. I’ll swing by after my class, okay? She asked me.

That will work. Thanks, Ellie, I smile before turning to head to my previous classroom.

See ya, Daisy, I saw her wave before I walked away.

Finally getting home after that interruption, I head to my room to fall straight on my bed exhausted. My eyes drifting close at some point.

Ringing reached my ears as I sat up startled, looking to my side I saw that Ellie was calling me. Fumbling to answer the call, I heard the knocking on my door as well.

What? I questioned standing up to the door.

I am outside, classes ran late. When are you going out with Oliver again? Ellie asked as the knocking finally stopped. Yawning, I begin to stretch making my way over by the door to let the red-haired ginger into the house.

He is picking me up at five, I replied as I opened the door. The shock was scribbled onto Ellie’s face as I had let her in. Immediately she ran inside, going to my room.

It is three forty-five, Ellie yelled from the other room. That slapped the tiredness from me.

How long was I asleep for? I questioned myself aloud looking at the clock on my phone. What am I wearing? I began to panic running after Ellie who is sifting through my closet.

Try this outfit, Ellie suggested handing me the clothes.

Already nervous enough, I didn’t bother to look at the clothes before walking into the bathroom to change. The wall mirror reflected me in a pink dress that was way too fancy for the first date.

Ellie! I am not wearing this! I shouted from the closed door. Like, really? We are going to probably like the cafe nearby or something, I told her from the bathroom.

Right, was what I heard her say, yet I could hear the spark of laughter. Alright, I got another outfit, this one isn’t too dressy and it is safe, she called from my bedroom.

After entering the room to get the outfit, I could hear her laugh when she looked at me. Sending her a glare, I left to go change in the bathroom again. This time a comfy and nice dark navy blue long-sleeved shirt paired with black skinny jeans. Admiring this outfit, I walked back into my bedroom to show Ellie.

That’s the winner, she smiled looking at me. Alright, now the makeup and hair, she grinned mischievously. Follow me, she called laughing.

As the two of us had come to a wrap preparing me for my date, the doorbell rang. With one more last look to the mirror, I smiled towards Ellie.

Leaving the house, we just had ended up at a restaurant, not exactly what I was predicting earlier. As we sat down I wasn’t exactly sure what to do. So I panicked.

Hey, I got to use the restroom, I’ll find you later, okay? I told Oliver with a forced grin before rushing towards the bathroom.

I felt like I was about to throw up, I couldn’t go through with this. I thought that he was the one, but it seems all wrong. He seems wrong somehow, like, the cliche boy. I don’t want that. I checked my phone to see the time was five thirty. Ellie should be at the cafe, I thought as I snuck out of the building and outside.

I can’t believe I panicked again, I sighed aloud. Tempted to call Ellie beforehand, I refrained, not wanting the support, scolding or lectures over the phone. Knowing Ellie, it will somehow involve all of the above.

Hard night? A comforting voice questioned behind me.

I guess you could say something like that, I laughed looking at the voice afterward.

Hey, I’m Ashley, do you want to get coffee? She offered kindly. I couldn’t help it, she was gorgeous.

Yeah, oh, I’m Daisy by the way, I smiled back offering my hand.

So, Daisy, what did you panic about? Ash questioned with a small smile. I could see the concern in her eyes, but I could only really focus on that smile.

A date, I admitted bashfully. Not the best at dating, I continued as we made it into the coffee shop that was nearby.

I can relate to that, Ash replied laughing. I always have the weirdest girlfriends, she confessed with a laugh.

Like what people? I asked while I knew that this seemed, stupid. Wrong somehow. I didn’t care, she was honest, she looked kind. Blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, she had a wide smile with pink lip gloss. Her face was framed with strands of hair that seemed to be perfectly placed, I held back from seeing if a halo would appear above her.

Well, I found this one person, she wasn’t really weird… Just, interesting? She had a snake, spider, reptile collection, she explained. "You see, it wouldn’t have been that I minded…

Ashley and I talked all night, and I just… couldn’t believe it. She seemed amazing and unpredictable. Like, someone who you would see, standing on the other side of the line, and she wouldn’t just cross. She would jump over it, run with someone, she could bring me.

It was really nice talking to you, I told her as we were walking out of the coffee shop.

I still can’t believe you left your date in Olive Garden alone, she laughed nudging me lightly. Only replying a shrug, she laughed more.

Angelic, soft and smooth laughter sounded like the harmony I was always missing to my melody.

Here, let me see your phone, she instructed holding out her hand, unlocking the device with my thumb, I held the device out for her. Tapping away at the keys, she looked satisfied and she handed it back and left.

I hope we can hang out again, I smiled waving to her.

Text me! She exclaimed as she walked backward, turning the right way around so she wouldn’t fall down.

Her black shorts seemed too cold for the time of night and the temperature, the sweater looked comfortable. I would only wonder what it smelled like, being around her the entire time. The whiffs of cherry and strawberry that I had gotten during the night reminded me of her smile.

Shaking my head at the gay thoughts, I just turned around, unable to keep the smile off my face as I walked away… before realization hit me.

Did I just go on a date? I asked aloud shocked.

Ashley September 3rd, 2018

Yesterday was unplanned, I thought as I smiled in the mirror. The black haired girl was not something I was planning to do. Bringing out my phone and calling the ginger I was supposed to be with yesterday, I couldn’t keep the grin off my face as I eventually stopped fighting it.

Ellie! Good news, I exclaimed, gushing over the phone about the news I’m about to share. My body practically shaking.

Such good news you couldn’t text me? Ellie questioned with a laugh in her voice. What is up my girl? She asked laughing as she spoke.

So yesterday, after you called me saying that you needed to finish a report that you completely forgot about apparently, well I was already out. I decided, hey, you know what? Some coffee comes so good right now, right? I ranted, probably too fast for anyone to understand, but my heartfelt so giddy.

Ash, I think you should probably limit that coffee, Ellie calmed stated, and you told me you didn’t leave yet yesterday, Ellie accused guilty.

No, it’s fine. I was just going to walk around the block or something. Anyways, so I ran into this girl, oh my gosh! We hit it off well too, and I gave her my number, I squealed into my phone.

Oh my God. Ash, that’s awesome! Ellie exclaimed. Hey, do you want to go hang out today? I only have worked at five or something, but I am free till then.

Sure, meet you at that cafe? I asked curiously.

Yeah, I’ll see if anyone is there now. See you in a little while, Ellie stated before hanging up.

Still jittery, I looked at my phone, as it turned off. Kind of hoping that this wasn’t one of the people who think that. You can not reply within twenty-four hours, or you need to respond after a week. That would probably be the only deal breaker. Grabbing my phone and my purse, I left the apartment building on my way to the quiet and calm cafe down the street.

As I walked into Sunny Sides Up cafe, I saw Ellie already sitting at a table as I ran up to her, excitedly sliding into the booth.

I moved here so I could find myself, and I have gotten so lucky to have you as a friend Ellie, I beamed excitedly. An ever-growing smile that didn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon.

Quit it with the sappy stuff. I know the real reason was that in your small town in Nowhere-ville, there were no other lesbians, Ellie laughed jokingly. Anyways, spill about this blooming love romance I am hearing bits and pieces about. Ellie gossiped looking me dead in the eyes.

Alright, I began looking at her. So, she had been ditching a date, I am not sure why. I know it couldn’t be that the guy didn’t like her, she is a catch. Maybe because she is not into guys? I tried to guess.

Just go on, Ellie sighed bored with the ‘small details.’

So, when I saw her, I was like, hey do you want to grab a coffee? Knowing it was night, I kind of figured this wasn’t the brightest move necessarily since I have only slept a total of like three hours-

Ashley! Ellie exclaimed.

Anyways. We had talked for like, five hours maybe, which seems so stupid. But we were at that one coffee place that is open till like ten or something till it closed. It was so amazing, it was like she got me. I was talking about some girls I had dating back and home, then I talked about family and my hometown.

She was also talking about her hometown, and it’s just, she was hot, I finished looking at Ellie who was only smiling like a five-year-old knowing a stupid secret about who hugged who under the slides.

You like her, Ellie concluded with wide happy eyes.

I have only seen her for five hours, I admit. If anything, it would be physical attraction, nothing more.

You still like her. Are you going to see her again? Ellie asked me sipping on a smoothie she ordered herself.

I am not sure, I confess. I gave her my number though. So maybe? I grinned looking into Ellie’s blue ocean eyes.

Man, you are so whipped, Ellie shook her head with a smile growing.

Shut up! I flail my arms at her. Did anyone else say they were coming? I then questioned trying to hold my smile back a little.

Margret is coming after classes according to Josh, and Josh is heading here now, Ellie reported with a smile.

Awesome, I beamed deciding to get myself something to drink as well. I’ll be back, don’t miss me too much.

No! Don’t leave, I am so sad when you are gone, Ellie replied dramatically sarcastic. Go get your tea or whatever you are getting, Ellie shooed me off as she drinks some more of her smoothie.

Heading over to the counter, I made the order for the coffee I probably don’t need, but want. As I wait for the drink, I look over the sea of people that are mostly college students. This is a popular hit up point for some coffee after all, especially for broke, sleep-deprived college students.

Hearing my order called, I walk to the pickup spot and grab the coffee, walking back to Ellie who is now joined by Josh. The tall brunette father figure - brother figure - in the group.

Hey Joshy, I smiled flopping down in the seat next to him.

So I heard you went on a date yesterday? Josh questioned with a raised eyebrow. Even being twenty-five, it does not tell him to fix his messy brown hair I noticed.

Ellie, you weren’t supposed to say anything! I whined looking away from staring at Josh to Ellie now. Who only looked away with no sign of guilt and her red hair still in her signature braids.

I’m happy for you Ash, Josh smiled with a nudge on my shoulder. Beaming at his reaction, I only drink my coffee, which creates a downcast glare from the twenty-five-year-old. I thought I banned you from getting coffee again? Josh inquired with a small glare.

I need this, I whined trying to ignore said glare.

I just give up now, Josh sighed in defeat looking away.

Hey guys, a brunette called walking over with a smile. She wore her normal headphones around her neck and her signature plain and boring clothes.

Hey Margret, Josh called scooting over in the booth to make room for the girl. How is French kicking your butt? Josh wondered with a small frown.

I hate it, gosh. I have already dedicated like ten years for French, Spanish and some Latin. So it’s like, ugh, Margret exclaimed falling down onto the table. Carefully avoiding the drink she had already brought.

Why not just quit? Ellie questioned like it was obvious.

I don’t know what else to do, so, follow what you are already doing and good at, right? Margret sighed in defeat, not sitting back up from her head on the table.

Well, if you are going to despise your job, maybe look into something else, Ellie suggested, I could only nod in agreement. Yet through what the ginger had said was right, I wanted to punch her. Josh apparently saw the hypocrisy as well.

How is accounting going then Ellie? Josh rhetorically questioned, already knowing the answer, the ass. You are no better, he sighed with his signature tired older brother or dad sigh.

The beeping on my phone caused me to panic as I realized that I was supposed to get back over to me and Nessy’s apartment.

Shit, I hissed under my breath, Josh glaring at my choice of words. I need to go over to Nessy’s, she has a date that she is completely panicking over, I sighed as Josh and Margret moved so I could leave the booth. I’ll text you later, hey, we should go see the new movie tonight, I exclaimed at the idea.

I have to work, Josh sighed. I just love working at a bar, the drunk people are so considerate, Josh replied sarcastically.

Okay, what about you Margret? I asked with my best puppy dog eyes.

Sure, I’d love to. Text me later with the details, Margret smiled looking at me. Nodding my head I rushed out of the cafe to get back at my apartment where Nessy should be as well.

Unlocking the door and walking inside, I found Nessy, lying on the couch. If not for the rise and drop of her chest I would be thinking she is dead. Her entire wardrobe scattered in the living room like a robbery. Shaking my head in both amusement and disappointment, I walk up to my sister to get her to look at me.

Help me, she whispered helplessly in the middle of the sea of clothes. Only letting out a small laugh, I look at all the clothes before grabbing one of her past red choir shirts and some black shorts. I offer the outfit to her and she glances up to me before looking back down to the clothes.

The red helps point out your green eyes, I tell her as she gratefully grabs the clothes.

Thank you so much, Nessy exclaimed grabbing the clothes.

I am not sure why you are so freaked out over this date, like, isn’t this the millionth date with him? I questioned with a head tilt.

It is our two year anniversary! she exclaimed heading into the bathroom to put on the clothes.

In that case, get back here, I told her, putting my hand up for emphasis. Wear this dress, I told her pointing to the yellow sundress, it wraps around her neck and goes to her mid-thigh, while a little summery look to it, this would look cute with some brown boots I know she has.

Okay, thank you so much, Ashley, Nessy praised as she took the new suggestion to change into.

With her hair and makeup soon done, she thanks me one last time before leaving the house excited. It wasn’t even thirty minutes later before Nessy came back too. Mascara dripped down her cheeks with stains in their wake.

What happened? I panicked confused and concerned. What could have happened in less than thirty minutes?

So, he didn’t know that this was our two year anniversary and he was being a huge douche. Then I figured out that he had another girl over? He told me that, ‘oh I thought you were not going to come over’, Nessy cried looking at me.

I’m sorry Ness, hey, let’s watch some old Disney movies, I suggested knowing she would love to do that. Nodding her head, I guided her towards the couch as I turned on the TV and went to Netflix.

When Nessy was too absorbed in singing some song, I opened my phone telling Margret that I need to stay with Nessy sadly. I do not want another Mark situation, she had gone to egg and teepee his house. Which confused me so much…

Margret only texted back saying good luck and that we will probably talk tomorrow because of the club.

For the rest of the night, Disney had played in my and Nessy’s apartment. Nessy had fallen asleep on the couch and I went to my room to sleep. I do not feel like having a screwed up back.

All night I had not thought about Daisy, till now. As I was laying, staring at the ceiling in eerie silence. I wonder if she would text soon, I mean, it has been a day, more than twenty-four hours. So, when would she text me?

Somewhere in the thoughts, I guess I must have fallen asleep.

Nessy September 4th, 2018

I woke up on the couch with a sore back the day after I dumped my good for nothing boyfriend of two years. Even though he was a good-for-nothing, I still felt sad. How would someone expect me to feel? I was sad, I thought we had something, but now? I am so done with dating.

I remember being in the middle of ‘The Jungle Book’ when I passed out last night, not remembering anything past that. Sighing in defeat, I got up to make something to drink. After finding the Keurig, I settled for tea not feeling like dealing with the aftermath of coffee.

As I had worked on getting breakfast started, Ashley had crawled out of her room in her normal clothes as she sat down at the island table in the kitchen.

Hit me with some of that coffee, Ashley whined tired.

Sure, I only replied, though knowing that this wasn’t the best idea. Ignoring that voice of reason, I just gave her what she asked for. Making the coffee in the Keurig and handing her the cream and sugar as well as the travel cup with coffee.

Hey, you should come out to the group meeting today, Ashley had suggested as she put the items in her coffee.

There is one today? I asked I thought they were only on Friday’s.

Yeah, I kind of forgot about the meeting today. Last Friday Josh told me that there is going to be some on Tuesday’s too, heh, Ashley laughed a little as she chugged half of her coffee already. No matter how hot it was.

Wait, why are you asking me to come? I asked curiously. While I don’t mind that she likes girls, or that there are LGBT people there. I just don’t particularly try to get along with them.

I don’t feel like you egging another house, that’s why. So either come with me or I need to handcuff you to the couch or something, Ashley explained to me.

Fine, I’ll come, I yawned as I agreed. Only because I know you would handcuff me… You have for the past three boyfriends I had after Mark… I mumbled into my tea.

Great, I’ll text Josh, I got to go to Starbucks, I’ll text you when to leave, Ashley told me before taking the keys off the chain and walking out of our apartment.

I am happy that Ashley decided to transfer here instead of somewhere else. It had been a pretty boring few years without her - especially with all the downhills when I had gotten close to failing my human anatomy course. I needed to stay up for a good day or two in order to pass that part of the final for the course. It was not the most suggested ways.

Finding nothing to do yet for an hour until my next class, I just got ready to go to the gym. One thing I like about working at the gym is that I can go there for free. Putting on leggings and a tank top, I choose to jog to the gym instead of bringing the car. Thank God I live downtown. If not, then yikes.

The day flew by until the night when Ashley came home to walk with me to the cafe she visits frequently. After all, she could probably be a waitress there and be perfectly fine and experienced at the place.

There was already a couple of people from the group. One of them was a girl I knew since kindergarten, Ashley knows her too. Except, she is a he now? So, it’s still difficult getting used to it. Her new name is Liam or his new name? I don’t know how exactly to talk to him anymore.

That is the only person I recognize, however, there is a man wearing a tee shirt with the words ‘Meme Lord’ written across it. He had his hair in a man bun, which only added to that personality. Along with Liam, is a pretty short man too, or is he a high schooler? Probably not, but he is wearing a sweatshirt with the words, ‘I am queer, and I am here’ with rainbow colored font across the chest of the sweatshirt.

I had no idea who any of these people were, but then the last two people I really noticed was a brunette who wore plain clothes, her brown brown hair was just down and wavy. Then a man. He was muscular, he wore a plain black tee shirt and some loose jeans.

And a single thought popped into my head…

Maybe I am not as done at dating as I thought…

Come on Daisy, they are nice, I heard a female voice behind me, turning my head I look and saw a red-haired girl. Wearing a loose long sleeved baseball shirt, a shirt for the San Francisco Giants.

Ellie, a new voice whined, as the red-haired dragged that girl apparently named Daisy along.

That was when Ashley darted. Confused, I tried to follow her, but Ellie, I think it was, had grabbed my hand excited.

You are Ashley’s sister, aren’t you? she beamed looking at me. Oh my gosh, I am so happy to meet you. Okay, so I am Ellie, she pointed to herself taking a step back. Moving to point towards the black haired girl. She had a classy style yet with some sort of edgy feel to it.

This is Daisy, she also just came into this group, so I’ll go ahead and introduce you with everyone, she beamed delightedly. She dragged, now the both of us, around the cafe to the large booth usually no one actually sits in. Yet with this large group of people, the majority is filled.

Going around the circle, that is Liam on the end, she pointed to the one person I actually knew before this whole this. After all, I moved out here with her, I mean him. With him. Next is Keith, she pointed to the short man with the sweatshirt. This is Joey. He is really weird, don’t mind him, she whispered to the two of us pointing to the meme lord man. His man bun seemed interesting to be honest. Lots of character.

Then that is Josh, he and Joey are like, the Washington and Hamilton of this group, she explained gesturing to the man next to Joey. And he is hot. Oh my gosh. Next to Joey is Margret, she finished pointing to the brunette that is wearing headphones around her neck and some plain clothes. And that is everyone! Ellie exclaimed excitedly as she pushed the three of us into the booth.

Eventually, Ashley came back and sat next to me, hiding it seemed like. I don’t know why. Later in the night, I was tempted to start talking with Josh, but why bother? He is probably gay after all, I mean, come on. He is the Washington or Hamilton of the LGBT club? It was around the time that we were about to leave that Ashley disappeared, yet again.

Where does she keep going? I groaned aloud.

I am guessing you are looking for Ashley? I heard a deep voice questioned looking at me.

You would be right, I sighed turning to look at none other than Josh.

I think I saw her talking with Daisy. I bet she will be back soon, don’t worry, Josh replied calmly. I don’t think I got a chance to entirely introduce myself, I’m Josh, he smiled holding out his hand.

I know, I replied with a fluttery feeling exploding in my stomach. Fully understanding what I said, I began to sputter. I mean, yeah, I’m Nessy, uh, Ellie told me earlier, I rambled trying to make myself not desperate. You know? I thought to myself until I realized I was talking to myself.

So Nessy, you just here supporting? He asked looking at me. I could swear I saw a hint of fear, maybe he is asking me out? Maybe he isn’t gay. Right?

Yeah, I am, I replied in a rush. Internally yelling at myself at that eagerness.

That’s cool, he replied with a grin and a nod of the head. The air graced me with the chance of being able to smell the cologne off of Josh. Reminding me of the ocean, which, wow. I know we live right next to the ocean, but this? This is way better. Smiling possibly a little too big, I know I need to lower it down a notch.

Yeah, so I heard from Ellie, that you and Joey, that you both made this group, I commented looking at the really hot bodybuilder looking, guy.

I did, we both decided that we could find some people that need some support. Mostly here, it is just the stress of school, friends, family, finding themselves, that we decided to make this. When I first really found out that I was poly, I was a little lost, Josh explained, and I couldn’t have been happier. Until I caught myself in a train of thought, what is poly?

That sounds really cool, I replied ignoring the entire deal with me possibly having a chance. He likes girls and guys, well, maybe? What is poly? It might still give me like a fifty-fifty chance, but! That still gives me a better chance then if he was just gay. So, I will count my lucky stars about that fortunate event.

So, are you going to be coming to the group again Friday? Josh asked me with some wonder and curiosity.

Yeah, I replied as I stared into his eyes, his really blue eyes that you could get lost in.

Awesome, I guess I’ll see you there then, Josh told me before he walked away, this time Ashley walking up by me with such a defeated look.

I am a moron, she sighed as she walked out of the cafe.

Wait, why? I asked following after her.

I gave that hot girl a wrong number, she exclaimed as we were walking towards our apartment.

Really? Why do you always do that? I asked with a huge sigh.

I don’t know! Well, now I gave her the right number, so yeah, Ashley admitted, a little less defeated. The walk was silent until I kept feeling something that I need to ask her.

So, Josh said he was poly. He likes both guys and girls, or what? I asked a little intrigued.

Yes, he does like both. He would also find himself attracted to someone with a person with no gender, so, he likes some genders just not all, Ashley replied, a knowing smirk played on her lips.

So I have a chance? I blurted out.

Yes, you have a chance.

Joey September 5th, 2018

Joshy! I whined looking at the man after my classes. My torturous classes. Specifically with this new person too.

What? Josh questioned looking at me.

This stupid Howard guy. Like really? He thinks because he is in some ‘advanced’ classes that he can be all snotty, I huffed annoyed by his personality. I say one word and he just looked the other way.

He is in some advanced classes? Josh questioned… impressed. Nothing else. You are retaking this class for the past like three years, Josh explained with a head shake.

No! I whined. He is just a butt, I huffed again, scared that my friend will take his side.

Okay, yeah, Josh agreed seemingly unconvinced.

I should probably head to the vet-slash-shelter soon, I groan looking at the time. Just getting out of my afternoon classes and already needing to be placed.

How is the vet doing? Josh asked me as we walked around the courtyard heading to the exit.

I know you are just asking about Hunky, which by the way. He is fine, I told him as we walked. The only reason you would be seeing Josh at the vet would be because of Bandit, our favorite husky.

Who named that husky by the way? Hunky the Husky? Josh questioned with a smile.

To be honest, that isn’t his name, but hey, let Josh believe it. A small little thought began to creep in my mind. No clue, I lied through my teeth. His actual name is Bandit, yet, as a joke, I had told Josh the name was Hunky. Before long, Bandit began to go by Hunky… So, to answer his question, the person to name Hunky would technically be me, but Josh called him that.

The rest of the walk was silent until we reached the exit of the courtyard. Which we told our farewells and I began to walk to the shelter vet. Rescues that show up are cared for and we give them homes.

Around the time the shelter is about to close for the day, I could see my boss walking towards me with a grim frown on his face, immediately, worry began to flood into my veins.

What’s up? I questioned like a nervous wreck.

The shelter is going to be shut down if we can’t get the required donated amount by June, he explained grimly.

Reality hit me at that moment if this place shuts down, so does my dream of being in a veterinary course. I won’t be able to get a good recommendation, I can’t get into the veterinarian internship. Things will get all screwed up. It’s too late now to change my course volunteer hours.

How can we get funding and donations? I questioned him.

The only way I can think of is a fundraiser, but we don’t have the time or money. I truly am sorry that we won’t be able to recommend you for next year. I really hope you can follow your aspiration, my boss told be genuine and genuinely sorry.

I can’t lose this job. Though unpaid, it is so much to me. What if I set up the fundraiser? I blurt out before I could completely comprehend.

Really Joey? You would do that? He questioned me shocked and… almost impressed.

Yeah, I love the little guys, and if we fail with getting the donations and funding, then all of them are probably not going to make it, knowing the other shelters and dog stores. So, let me do the fundraiser, I told him patiently.

Thank you so much, Joey, Boss told me with a grin.

It will be my pleasure, I told him before leaving.

On my way home I could only panic. What do I do? With a deep breath of new regret, I look in the distance to see downtown buzzing with people. Trying to get their outside time done before temperatures begin dropping. As I head back to my apartment with a random guy as my roommate, I could hear the conversation around me and I just am so lost in this dog fundraiser thing.

What should I even do? I haven’t had any experience in this position. Why did I ask if I could do it again?

As I get to the parking lot in the process of getting in the building, I notice that Robbie is home. Great. It’s not that I don’t like him, no, it’s quite the opposite in fact. Though, if I try and go for him, things would not work out. That is something I have always been sure of.

I am an aromantic. I’ve tried, but I don’t feel love towards my ‘lovers’. Scared of putting them down, I just have one night stands usually. I know that he deserves more than that, anyone does. Just, I won’t do that to him, I had already come to that conclusion long ago.

Entering the room I found him lying on the couch watching Animal Planet, pretty intently also.

Whatcha watching? I asked collapsing in a nearby chair exhausted.

Animal Planet, Finding Bigfoot, Robbie replied blankly watching at the screen. Only deciding this was a better option than any other brain inducing fundraising planning. I just sat and watched as the crew walked through the woods.

Why are you watching this? I questioned after a while.

It’s interesting. Also, it’s funny when these people fail, Robbie laughed, and I couldn’t help myself but feel some sort of satisfaction or… something. Like, butterflies in my stomach. It’s just… why am I feeling like this?

I check the time and I noticed it was close to dinner time, as I stood up and stretched I wondered if I should ask Robbie is he wants me to make him something. All we really have I think is some pasta. Deciding against my logical part of my mind I turn to Robbie.

Hey, do you want some pasta? I asked pointing towards the kitchen.

What are you gonna make? Robbie asked also standing up.

Probably either spaghetti or mac and cheese. Whichever one we have, I answered walking into the kitchen.

Sure, Robbie answered walking with me into the kitchen. While the kitchen wasn’t far from the living room, Robbie could definitely still watch the television. But why would he follow me? Somehow this just… makes me think.

It was quite beside the talking from the television, talking about some footprints and how this is definitely a nest. All it looks like is a pit that some teenagers were thinking to start a bonfire at. Focusing on the food I had waiting until it was done to tell Robbie that it was done. Putting out two bowls I pour myself a serving before walking back to the living room, deciding to sit on the couch.

Robbie followed suit and sat at the other end of the couch. We both laughed when the idiots on the television would freak out, only because all of it was definitely fake. You see, I have nothing against Bigfoot maybe being real or not, but really? A tv show is definitely not definitive proof.

Around the end of another episode, I felt Robbie stand up, scooching closer to me. Immediately I began to feel a red rush to my cheeks, why am I reacting like this? It’s almost like a fifth grader with a crush. Shaking my head I only just watched the show blankly ahead.

Sure enough, Robbie was next to me soon enough. Not soon enough, I thought to myself stealing side glances to the black haired man. He is a year older than me, twenty-four, his birthday was during the summer. I had been in and out I didn’t realize until when I came back to the aftermath of a party.

Hey, Joey, I heard Robbie talk, turning my head I looked Robbie in the eyes. Dark hazel eyes with orange tinge highlights looked at me with wonder and something else I couldn’t place.

He was leaning forward, I didn’t pull back. I felt his chapped lips crash onto mine as I didn’t stop him. Lifting the hem of my shirt only a centimeter above my waistband was when my phone began to ring. His lips left mine and I didn’t understand the emptiness that came with it.

I should, uh, I should probably take that, I told him making my way away from him, my bowl to the sink. Rinsing it out and then dropping it in, knowing that I’ll wash it later. I look at my phone to find Josh is still calling me.

Joey, so if I like someone, what exactly do I do again? Josh asked me questioning. Wait, do you know what I should do? If not, it’s fine. Sorry, this was kind of random, Josh only laughed, probably about to hang up.

I knew that I had to bring this up at some point, and Josh wouldn’t laugh. So, before he could hang out I had given out a protest, heading into my room and closing the door.

Wait, what do you feel when you are around them? I asked shy. I don’t remember ever feeling this way about someone, not about Robbie before, not Josh- thankfully, but hey, he has a really good body. Not anyone.

Well, nervous, happy, excited, I don’t really know how to explain it, Josh replied honestly.

Hey, I am actually not sure. Sorry, and also, Ellie would definitely be the one to know. Either her or Ashley, I offered feeling out of place.

Hanging up with Josh, I went to my laptop to Google, typing in the simple words.

Do I like someone?

<>

Answer? Yes.

I like someone… What do I do now?

Liam September 6th, 2018

Hey, Lindsey, when are you gonna have your first time to come back home? My mom asked over the phone. Ignoring the name at this moment, I only begin to think.

I think probably Thanksgiving break, I can’t remember the dates right now, I replied as I continued to think. That was really the only time that I could get out of school. Dang.

Alright, hey I got to go. I’ll talk to you later, right? My mom asked as she was about to hang up.

Yeah, talk to you later.

Leaving my phone on my bedside table, I look at the time. Noon, or at least close enough to it. Deciding to finally get up out of bed, I walk into the kitchen. Noticing one of the other guys who live in this apartment, I just offer a small smile and go to the fridge.

Oh hey, I’m having a couple friends over, is that okay? Markus asked me curiously.

Totally, I replied, impartial to the whole ordeal.

Markus is one of the people that know about me. You know, the whole I am a man thing, not a female like it says everywhere. Surprisingly, he is pretty cool about it, he supports me and thinks of me as one of the dudes. I’m happy about sharing a flat with him, because he just seems, chilled out. We both have moved out here recently, and I decided to be upfront with him. Inside one of this apartment, we have a third roommate, but usually he is sleeping around with girls he finds or not around entirely.

That one was… not, not supportive, he is reserved. He just didn’t understand that well, which. Oh well, right?

I’m gonna head out, need anything from the store? I asked as I walked towards my keys on the wall.

Actually, I need to get some stuff, I’ll come with if that’s okay? Markus spoke as he walked over to his keys as well.

After grabbing the lady products I hate using but knowing I need from the Target five minutes away. Until I can really get the money or anything, I am stuck with this body. I hate it.

After getting to the cash registers, I wait in line texting Markus’ number he gave me when we moved in the dorms.

Aw, you’re getting these for your girlfriend? The female cash register person asked with a smile.

Yeah, I replied with a forced smile. Better they think I am a man, right? A part of me was proud of looking the part. I still had to be female though, and the idea that these aren’t for my girlfriend. I need to use a binder and need to use tampons and pads. I have dysphoria so often when I look in a mirror and my hips at just the slightest bit fat.

Hearing my voice must have confused her a little since it was on the feminine side, but she ignored it. Checked out the items and I was on my way. A text message from Markus led me to look at my phone, a message saying that he is also checking out.

A small bench that was placed by the bathrooms, I waited until I could see Markus to leave the store with.

Getting my phone out I could only really think of texting Ashley to hang out, I wasn’t sure who else at this point. My closest friends in the groups are Daisy and I guess Keith, but the sisters Nessy and Ashley have known me for a lot longer. They know about me, and that is familiar. Lately, with Nessy, it had seemed, weird.

Telling her I was going to be coming over, she only sent an okay as I left the house once again. However, I remembered to lock my bedroom door before I left. I knew that whenever Markus had a couple friends over, there would be alcohol, there would be sex, and after finding two naked humans in my bed, after burning those sheets, I have learned my lesson.

Over at Ashley’s house, I found that Nessy was also around, which made a few emotions arise. Fear, anger, regret. I regret feeling like this because I was just supposed to be a girl, but I’m not. The way that Nessy looks at me, is like, I disappointed her. Like this is just something in my head, that I am not supposed to be a man.

But I know what I feel.

Hey Liam, Ashley called from the kitchen in their apartment.

Hey, Ash, what’s up? I asked walking past Nessy and to the blond.

I am making some chicken, cheese, rice, thingy! She exclaimed proudly, yet I have a large feeling that what she said is not the name.

Thankfully we have a third person. Usually, we have leftovers we never eat and never throw away, Nessy cut in, looking to Ashley.

Not knowing what to say I laugh along with Ashley. It took only another ten or so minutes until the food was done. Serving everyone, Ashley grabbed a bowl for her self and we sat down on the couch. Watching some YouTube show that Ashley loves when Nessy clears her throat.

When did you start feeling like this? Nessy asked out of the blue from a chair over. Looking a little taken back, I guess she felt she needed to elaborate. Like, I never really saw you feeling like this when we were kids. In elementary school, you would always just, ignore people? Nessy answered not sure.

Well, I started feeling like this I guess, for as long as I could think, I stated, she did deserve an answer. Maybe this will fix some of the relationships between us. I felt something was off, I would see girls and I wouldn’t feel like them. During roleplaying as kids, I would always want to be the dad, and it’s just. It’s something I couldn’t feel like I control, I replied trying to make this make sense.

But how could someone do this? It’s like telling a nonbeliever of ghosts that you are one, you wouldn’t understand unless you were in this reality. In my reality.

Oh, was all Nessy said before turning to the TV.

Sparing a glance to Ashley, she looked a little put off from the relationship between Nessy and me, looking to me she offered a small sympathetic frown. Only shrugging my shoulders I continued watching the show.

Not everyone would understand. Not everyone would be supportive. Not everyone would see me as who I am. They would still see the girl’s body that I was born in. But that’s not who I am. I don’t know how to change it either. I haven’t come out to my family, they all think of me as a little sister,