Wretched Affections!: From Hate to Love

By Fe-en-Dios

A tale of flawed individuals who find love together, in a destined marriage, unravels the deepest desires and the downtrodden fears of inane human instinct, which, when set afloat, broaches apocalyptic circumstances. Set amidst the heart-wrenching, emotional saga of misplaced endearment, Wretched Affections! pulls at your heartstrings with the palpably solemn and melancholic narration that traces the love story of Arnav Raizada and his undesirable wife, Khushi Arnav Raizada, who, by stroke of fate, find themselves bound to each other in holy matrimony.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Jan 23, 2019
• ISBN: 9781728383798

Fe-en-Dios

A decade long experience in various cantons of writing spanning over mainstream journalism, contemporary write-ups, abstract articles, non-fiction genre and host of blogs and public forums, has given me an edge over my competitors and also helped me in understanding as to what makes up for a good read. Branching out in the genre of fiction was a well thought out decision to further suffice my long standing dream of writing a book, which I had cherished ever since I was a young girl and it cemented further as I grew up to become a voracious reader and an avid writer. Writing happened by chance, but penning down a romantic novel was always on my mind. Having grown up while reading Mills & Boons and being a dreamer, only fuelled my passion to write romantic novel which encompasses not just love but also brings forth the coming of age story of the protagonists, that delves into the human mind and traces the journey of flawed individuals, who find true love eventually. I have published two English novels previously, Beyond The Skies and Wedded! and both the stories have me satisfied as an author because of the way they enthralled the readers. Wretched Affections! is the latest addition to series of fictional stories that I have envisaged and encompassed with all my heart. And I hope that the novel leaves you all spellbound. Do check out the Facebook page of my stories and feel free to touch base with me via Facebook or on my blog. Regards Fe-en-Dios

Book preview

Prologue

If equal affection cannot be,

Let the more loving one be, wretchedly me…

Coffee…

It was more of an announcement than a declaration or a question and yet, he held his breath, unconsciously straightening his shoulders, as she tip-toed cautiously over to the large glass table and pushed the exquisite wooden tray onto the surface quietly. Her red and white bangles chimed in symphony, drawing his callous gaze begrudgingly towards her and he felt his gut deflating immediately.

There are a dozen servants, if not more, in this house to do my work. The scathing retort was left unfinished as he took in a deep breath and lifted his lashes to watch her cheeks redden with embarrassment and humiliation, he noted rather calmly, absolutely disregarding the presence of his wife in his study.

I know, the response was prompt and the defiance perceptible, perhaps practiced too, as she fiddled with her fingers. I just…your sister told me, she scrunched her eyebrows in strain and averted her gaze, justifying her presence in his study, shivering a little while she let out a shaky breath and it hit him hard to see her like this. The invincible and dauntless, yet, extremely pragmatic and professional, Khushi Sharma, withered to a hopeless and redundant sap, quavering to grasp at life, all because she was reduced to being his undesirable wife, Mrs. Khushi Arnav Raizada.

The unhindered step she took away from him caught his eye, as did the slight quiver of her enticing and plump pink lips and the widening of her luminescent green eyes that had held him captive from the very first time he had looked into them. Her capacious bosom heaved in response when she felt his gaze transfixed on her, the dress fitted snugly only highlighting the lucid curves to his parched eyes. And he gawped like a man besotted, paralysed and athirst with unquenchable primal need so fierce that he felt the whump of his distant heart beat in his ears, just as the bulge in his pants intumsceneted in response.

Rebuking the ferocious proclivity expeditiously, he reclaimed his equanimity and stood up with a raging inferno blazing in his heart, turning his back to her and closing his eyes in defeat and sheer resentment. Get out, he yelled back so harshly that the sound of her stumbling back reverberated through his being. The dismissal was fierce and palpable, leaving no option in tow for her, or him, as he heard the shuffling of her feet and the soft sound of her anklets disappearing into the adjoining corridor, until the deafening numbness enveloped him, yet again.

She was a misfit in his forlorn life, the brightest hue that was unmatched to the subdued palette on his life’s canvas, one that he could neither deny, nor accept. Clenching the soft bound file in his hand, he looked down to read the content that had shrivelled his credence and credibility as a worthy entrepreneur in the business world, the words mocking his aplomb brutally and shredding his industrious and tireless perseverance to tatters. How much more? He sighed sorrowfully, reading the words in bold repeatedly, until his eyes and head ached incessantly, ‘Tender Rejected’.

Throwing the file in his hand onto the large mahogany shelf, he clenched his teeth in fury and guilt too, he acknowledged wistfully, as he sank down on the couch with his head in his hand, watching the file land clamorously onto the row of books aligned onto the shelf, the impact toppling the arrangement down as one of the book fell blusteringly down on the ground and his eyes caught the picture that had been masked away into the deep recesses of his heart and mind.

The large and glittering black eyes beamed back at him and the effulgent face lulled his beating heart into a cessation, his wistful gaze transfixed onto the scornful mirth in the eyes that had held his heart, as he cognised and conceded to the royal mess that his life was, all because off the beguiling love that had held him captive, and still did….

(To Be Contd…)

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Chapter 1

Because there’s nothing worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing that you can never have it?

James Patterson

The gleaming and naked back conspicuously caught her appalled and scandalised eyes as the lean and long bronze fingers worked their way relentlessly towards opening the stubborn knot at the back of the dress, that for some odd reason, wouldn’t loosen. Khushi pushed herself deeper into the dark shadows of the cloudy night, straining her eyes to see better, as he grunted in displeasure before running his fingers across the bare expanse of the voluptuous rear of the body that was pressed into his frame snugly, when an inebriated and throaty moan cut through the stultifying silence that cocooned the surreptitious motion.

Cant get enough of me?, his raucous whisper broke the mind numbing haze that had fogged her senses just when the faint feminine chuckle caused her to retrieve her step, and look away as the weight and guilt of intruding a private moment settled onto her fragile self. And with a heaviness that weighed her down, and a dull ache in the left half of her chest, Khushi turned her back to the slithering motion that had occupied her thoughts, slipping away into the dead of the dusk, halting just once, to blink back at anything that would make her stop. But the only thing that glistened in the pitch black of the night was the glistering gold band that sat on his ring finger, the sparkling diamond on the ring avowing the fact that he didnt belong to her, never had and perhaps, never will…

Khushi gasped and opened her eyes, panting and sweating, she craned her neck to an upright position from the uncomfortable one before. Sitting upright, she placed one hand onto the soft mattress and wiped her face with the other, moving away the sweaty hair that was stuck onto her face. She had been dreaming, she realised, looking around to notice that she was in his room, on his bed now. The picture of their’s that hung on the opposite wall, an unhappy one though, yet a screaming testimony to what was there, or wasnt at all, between the two of them, caught her attention.

Sighing audibly and inhaling deeply to regain her composure, she revelled into the present time and day, letting out a breath she didnt know she had been holding. But her repose was short lived as the man who had been occupying her thoughts, barged into the room, stalling right at the threshold, as his fluid molten depths connected with her aghast and sunken green eyes, and she immediately found herself incapacitated to look away. He held that power, to hold her captive, perhaps, he always had.

It was a slight movement, one that had taken in her drowsy and dishevelled form, while she sat on the bed in dark clothes, her alabaster skin a conspicuous contrast against the unilluminated backdrop. But it wasnt her beauteous form that had unhinged him, this time. It was the pain and vulnerability that was etched evidently on her face that had caught him off guard, and had debilitated him.

And neither had dared to move, until he had cursed under his breath and lifted a shaky hand to run over his knackered face, and the only thing that caught her eye, in that moment, was the glistering gold band, intact, and ever present on his ring finger, the vein of which ran to his heart, with the shimmering diamond mocking her existence in his life.

Unnerved and repudiated, she sat still, her green orbs moving back from the ring to slowly meet his eyes. But the stillness in them scared her, and she felt her stomach clenching up in knots, however, she refused to back away and looked straight at him, pinning him down with an incomprehensible gaze. And it must have been the simmering anger pulsating within her that would have reflected on her features and in her stance, because the next minute she saw him take a tentative step towards her, his lips parting, implying that he wanted to say something, but then he retracted, like always, when his phone rang with a shrill tone, breaking the trance they were in. And he took no time to take the call, banging the door shut behind him, ceasing any intrusion that would risk his predicament.

Looking down at her feet, she curled her toes in agitation and shook her head, what had she been thinking? Hadn’t it been the same always, then why was she hoping for more, expecting something more? Perhaps, the equations had changed now, her heart echoed in response and she felt her gaze being drawn to the picture that hung on the opposite wall.

If her deadpan eyes and solemn face was a giveaway to the unhappiness that surrounded the two of them in the picture, then his insensate and frigid eyes only reinforced the truth that was their marriage and this relationship. Yet, her heart just would not acknowledge the distance that existed between the two of them. However, she knew better to not allow herself to get swayed with the emotions and unlock her frayed wounds to him. Because that would mean the end of her, this time around.

Swiftly swinging her legs down from the bed she stood on her shaky legs and walked towards their cupboard. Sliding the door open, she dug into her side and retrieved a tattered book and gently caressed the red font imprinted on the cover, Love Story, she unsoundly moved her chapped lips to utter the title, her fingers brushing onto the smoothness of the cover page, her heart rejoicing in the merry of holding the gift he had bestowed her with, unknowingly.

You like to read romance? Eh, I hadn’t pegged you as a closet romantic. He had looked at her bemused and intrigued, as he stuffed his hand in his pocket and pushed his weight onto the doorframe while crossing his toes in a casual demeanour. She had looked away embarrassed, and only rolled her eyes back at him. Get lost, had been the words that had escaped her entranced self within the haze of attraction and embarrassment that had cocooned her. What? Unhappy that I found out your secret?, he had smiled callously at her, that rare smile tugging at the corner of his mouth which was lifted upwards, and she felt her heart beating incessantly at the way he looked at her. What secret, she had bellowed back at him despite the hammering organ in her chest that threatened to burst out any minute now. He shook his head and put his hands up in surrender when he threw the book towards her,here, try this one, simple but heart warming. She barely caught the book in both her hands as he turned his back towards her, talking to her without even turning to look back at her, effective missing the rosy hue that had warmed her cheeks, and let me know what you think about it.

Her hand stopped onto the four letter word, recollecting the emotions she had associated with it, and him. It was strange how she remembered the veraciousness of her feelings then, even though the denial had been conjugated. The first stirring of love and the warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of her stomach were all anew and so was the nagging warning that rang in her mind, every time she had been in close proximity with him. Yet, her heart had refused to back down, even when she had been associated with the enemy camp, his arch-nemesis to put it more factually.

Bunching up her fingers, she shook herself out of her stupor, retrieving her hand back, she willed her heart to think beyond him when her eyes fell on the rugged envelop, that jutted out from the book asymmetrically. She took in a breath to steady herself as her fingers unwillingly plucked the sealed maroon envelop out of the book, the one she had tucked away from herself long back.

Her heart beat erratically in her chest, as she closed the book and pushed it inside the cupboard, her fingers tearing the big round golden seal apart to reveal a soft white wedding card, exquisitely done with fine golden and red dots and carved with rich gold on all sides, smelling of fresh paper and adorning the intricate cursive gold font, in bold, that slapped the reality right onto her face.

Her breath hitched and her heart leaped into her throat as she narrowed and blinked her eyes rapidly to focus better onto the words that she had been reading for the very first time, ever. She felt her cheeks flush with shame and she blinked a number of times to look through her blurry vision, pursuing her lips together in a thin line, trying inevitably to stop the sob that escaped her mouth, her heart shattering inside her chest with a heavy thud, lulling into a cessation, just when she ran her right thumb over the elegantly carved gold font, disconsolately,

Arnav

weds

Lavanya

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Chapter 2

In my attempt to make her a bad woman, I made myself a good man.

Darnell Walker

Arnav felt a throbbing pain in his head and a pounding ache that made it unbearable for him to sit through the important meeting as he pressed his temples with his thumbs in a failed attempt to alleviate the distress. The man sitting opposite him however, didnt pay any heed to his exhausted form and continued speaking in a deadpan tone, just when he wanted to do nothing but wind up and run away from the boardroom, and his office as soon as possible.

And it then occurred to him, that if not for the safe haven that this office was, he had nowhere to go, not even his home, given her presence. He closed his eyes in defeat and exhaled heavily to get a grip on himself and the circumstances but all in vain. It had been an extremely tedious task to live through the nights, with her around him. And yesterday was no exception, the exhaustion getting to him, just as the determination to stay away from her withered with a parched ache, physically and mentally.

Mr. Raizada, are you even listening to me?, the shivering old man with grey hair and wrinkled face yelled back at him, his hoarse voice trembling and rising up a few decibels as he made his point clear. Very much Mr. Agnus, he reverted almost immediately, there is no one else here who would demand my undivided attention, at this moment. He slipped back into the plush leather chair and gave the old man a curt nod that was nothing but cursory, looking away as he put on his impassive mask. Mr. Agnus shook his head at him disapprovingly and picked up another paper and started reading the next clause out aloud to his client, in order to gain his attention.

In an eventuality of a mishap or an accident, it is often debatable as to who would be the bearing party? The shareholder or the beneficiary? The government of India, lays the law of blame equally on both the parties in case of a joint venture. If not, the party bearing the deed of contract automatically becomes liable for the loss….

Arnav sighed once again and looked at his phone that buzzed for the umpteenth time. Feeling claustrophobic, more defenceless in the present situation, he decided to seek help from his very trustworthy and steadfast protege, Akash Garewal, who stood a few feet away from them, monitoring the proceedings with his hawk eyes. It took him a second to get into action, just when his mentor gestured towards the agitated old man, who was still busy reading the content aloud, eyeing Arnav through the spectacles perched on his nose.

Mr. Agnus, Akash was on his feet in no time as he politely reached up to touch the old man’s shoulder, I think we can take a break now, so that we can..umm.. So that we can think this through better, Arnav sufficed for his assistant, placating and goading the frustrating old man into leaving him alone for a bit. He slumped on the chair when he saw Akash ushering Agnus towards the cosy yet, elegant coffee room that was housed within the confines of the boardroom. And he closed his eyes to seek some solace.

Arnav?, he looked at Akash who was staring down at him with a concern that was evident from his creased eyebrows and his fidgety hands, are you ok?. He heard Akash and he looked up tiredly, not bothering to conceal his dismay. Clearing his throat, he spoke up in a hoarse voice that was full with choked emotions, I dont know, he accepted honestly.

Akash looked away from his mentor, not knowing how to soothe his worries. And yet, he didnt have the heart to leave him this perplexed. We will sail through, he started off carefully, assessing Arnav’s face for any annoyance or discomfort as he continued, I am sure, this too shall pass.

Arnav looked at his assistant and gave him a tired smile, one that dint reach his eyes but nevertheless elevated the freckles around his eyes. Not knowing what else to say, he got up silently from his place and collected his belongings, Akash, let Agnus know that I had to leave for some urgent work, umm, just tell him that we are looking into funds and stuff and take a brief from him. He turned to look at his protege who nodded in agreement. And Aman will be here in a bit. So he will take care off everything, he sufficed solemnly, picking up his blazer from the adjacent chair. Aman should have been here, this was more off his thing than your’s, Akash begrudgingly voiced his opinion, despite better judgement and stilled when he saw Arnav look upto him with something akin to anger writ over his taut face. He has been with Di, Akash, and I suppose you know it better to not question me about his whereabouts when he is with my sister.

The statement effectively shut him up, for good, as Arnav made a move to side step him and walk out while Akash apologised perceptibly. Akash had never been very fond of Aman Gupta, despite the fact that the man was benevolent, unassuming and extremely polite, not to mention that Aman was their legal lawyer and Arnav Raizada’s brother-in-law, the only man Arnav had deemed fit to marry his beloved and precious sister, Anjali Raizada Gupta. Perhaps, that was the reason why he was given leeway, always, too much leeway. Akash muttered under his breath when he saw Arnav stop forth at the small cubicle in the corner of the hallway that led to the boardroom, staring wistfully at the bright red opulent leather chair that was left abandoned and untouched ever since it had been brought into the office. And despite the circumstances that plagued him about his employer, he felt his heart go out to the compassionate and loving young man, who had not wanted much from life except love. But of course, fate had other plans.

Arnav eyed the sleek leather chair in a bright red hue perched desolately in the now empty cubicle and unmindful he was drawn into a whirlwind of memories, memories that bound him to her, memories that unleashed the raw pain that was buried within the deep recesses of his heart and memories that pulled at his heartstrings, shattering the mask of callousness that he had borne all this while. And he allowed himself to be swayed by the emotions and the heartache that threatened to consume him.

The tinkling laughter reverberated through the glass walls of the small cubicle as he spun the chair around and watched in awe the black eyes widening in merriment before she closed them and caught the hand-rests to steady herself. Slow down, will you Arnav?, she spoke amidst the fits of laughter that engulfed her shapely frame and she managed to push her prim and coloured brown hair away from her eyes as he stopped spinning the chair and brought it to an abrupt halt. I thought you liked it, he bent down in front of her from his standing posture and looked into her warm black eyes that shone with happiness. Like it? I love it, the chair I mean, she stated huskily, and you, she ran a finger down his face from his forehead to his eyes, running through his features and stopping on his lips, just before she pressed her mouth gently to his.

He looked at her with vulnerable affection, the reluctant smile making its way on his lips when he spoke to her, I am so glad you liked it. I was on the verge of taking the darker chair for this cubicle, but considering this could be your home away from home on days you miss me, he eyed the lady in front of him and the chair in tow, together, this one is perfect. She circled her hands around his neck, pulling his face down to her’s, hmm, lets see, so all of this flattery for making me miss you?, she winked at him, but nevertheless, thank you. I know you didnt want something so fancy here, but.. Her voice was hushed with the finger he had placed on her lips. Shaking his head at her disapprovingly he put all her worries to rest, "Lavanya, you are going to be my better half and I will do anything and everything in my might to keep you happy, always. Lavanya smiled back at him gleefully, hugging him with all her might, oh Arnav, that is why I love you so much. You are the best thing that has happened to me, ever, and I will love you, now and forever….."

And the carefree giggles that had once filled his being, rang in his head as if he had been living in the moment. The peals of laughter, chuckling with joy and the happiness of living without abandonment cocooned his forlorn being, just when his eyes pricked with unshed tears. Sucking in a breath he looked away from the cubicle and realisation of the mocking words dawned onto his fogged mind. Looking around at the now empty boardroom he was hit with a sudden wave of nostalgia, the yesteryears leaving a lasting imprint on his soul, just when the current dilapidated circumstances took its toll on his wary and wayward sentiments.

Fisting his fingers in pure agony, he pushed his tongue in the inside of his cheek to keep his tears at bay, the only reminiscence alive within his subconscious psyche and better reasoning was the memory of the reluctant, yet hopeful green eyes with a teardrop glistening at the end of her long black lashes. The eyes that had always beckoned him to peer within, and the eyes that had challenged him at every step of his allegiance, sometimes callously and sometimes, begrudgingly.

And it had been the moment of sheer reckoning for him, and perhaps her, when her parents had expectantly put her cold and trembling hands into his warm and extended one’s, at the time of their marriage, and they had looked at each other, entranced, but it had hit him then, the consequences of the decisions that had been made, and the after effects too. I need nothing from you, her words resonated in his head making him squirm in agony and retaliation and yet, a helpless setback engulfed him in the next moment. But like a man well bred and honest, he had decided to keep his word, and keep he will, until his last breath.

Clearing his throat he made an attempt to mask his emotions before addressing his protege, without looking back at him. "Akash, when Aman is here, please tell him to make sure to revoke the clause I had scrapped earlier. And make sure that no one knows about it. He heard the quick shuffling of feet behind him, before Akash spoke, the one that makes your legal wife a beneficiary to all that you have and hold, in case something happens.., Akash left the sentence unfinished, assuming his boss got the hint. And had it not been the slightest of the nod in lieu of a revert to his question, he would have missed the gesture the warm-hearted man had just made in a span of few seconds. Akash looked at his employer cautiously, wording out the unsaid, for the first time ever, Arnav, you really want this? Despite the fact that she maybe involved in the defamation..I…I mean…," and he stopped midway, not finding in him to broach a topic and steer it towards unchartered territories. However, Arnav’s revert to him, left him stunned and stoic for the briefest of the second.

And just like that, within a fraction of time, Akash felt his heart soaring with pride for the person he had learnt to respect and admire professionally, over the time. His parting words, just before he briskly walked out of the room, left him in awe of his magnificent persona, one that commanded adulation and affection, in equal measures.

"She deserves it, Akash, and she has every right to have a share of what belongs to me now, no matter what. She is my wife and it is only fair that she gets what is her’s, come what may."

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Chapter 3

My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all…All my heart has ever wanted is you.

Stephanie Laurens

Khushi pushed her face behind the large coffee mug, digging her feet into her heels, while she read the glaring headlines on Page 3 of the leading newspaper, and closed her eyes in exasperation.

‘WE DO’ - The Alliance of The Evasive Bachelor And His Fair Maiden.’

Ever since her marriage to Arnav, the media had not stopped writing about them, or their wedding, and the permutations and combinations of assumptions were getting to her now. It was unsettling to read about herself and Arnav written about so grossly in the papers, especially when they were portrayed as wrong-doers.

She stared at the picture of their’s that was published in the paper. It was an old and rare one. An abrupt click at the time of the launch of his company. The company that he had put together with a lot of zeal and perseverance, painstakingly. And the one that was a bone of contention between the two of them, now. She recollected the day vividly, when she had begrudgingly accompanied her family to congratulate Arnav, despite better reasoning.

It wasnt a big gathering, she noted conspicuously, only a few people from her father’s business fraternity. Tip toeing on her new stilettos she walked towards the podium, watching her family meet Arnav as she waited for her turn. Her gaze flicked to his handsome yet, tired features as a deafening trepidation filled her senses. What would she tell him after what had happened between them, not very long ago? Her cheeks flushed with a tinge of embarrassment and guilt remembering the warmth of his rugged hands and welcoming chest onto her dripping self, just as her admiring gaze settled on his immaculate business attire, and she observed that he looked dapper in the classic black and white combination.

It must have been when she reached him that he snuck a glance at her, his eyes hard and harrowing at the appreciative gaze she beheld. The disapproval in his eyes unhinged her and she was steadfastly reminded that she was bound to keep her distance, from him. Mustering courage she darted her tongue out to lick her dry lips defiantly, as she muttered the words under her breath, congratulations. Fiddling with her clammy hands she hid her anxiety with nonchalance as she awaited his revert to her, letting out a breath, she hadn’t known she was holding when he spoke to her curtly, only to turn away from her. Thank you, she heard him say and she didnt know what came over her, whether it was a need to pacify him, or just an attempt to reach out to him and clear the air or alternately, tell him what she had been preoccupied with, but she didnt want him to turn away from her, not yet. The sudden flash of a distant memory paralysing her momentarily, and the similar fear gripped her heart just when she had seen him off, at the airport, years back.

It must feel great, the words were out from her mouth before she knew. I, I mean, you would be very proud of yourself today, she watched him turn swiftly to look at her and pin her down with an inexplicable gaze, before he shrugged and said, kind off. Its overwhelming but its unnerving, to be honest. His downcast eyes, the shaking of his head and the slight twitch of his lips made her heart flutter with abstruse sensations, something that she hadn’t felt before. And the minute he turned around to walk away from her, she stared at his retreating back, her heart beat erratically in her chest and the familiar yearning gripped her being once again. It was true, there was no going back now. She knew. And she hoped, he did too.

And that was the moment that the shutterbug had somehow deemed fit to click them together, him smiling down at her, for the briefest of the second. She closed her eyes and sighed, remembering how he had looked at her that day, his beguiling eyes were a concoction of concern and profound aloofness. One that would make you shrink right back, yet, there had always been something uncannily resplendent that gave her the courage to trust him, always.

Settling the mug down on the table, she looked at the entrance of the posh cafe and the smile on Khushi’s face widened just as the warmth in her heart radiated on her face, aglow and lucent. Payal Kumar, the quirky and antithetical best friend of her’s, walked into the cafe with the brightest smile plastered on her plump face, her cheeks lifting up to highlight her bespectacled eyes and her eccentric dressing making her stand out in the cosy surrounding. Khushi, her friend squealed in joy, unconcerned about the heads that turned to look at them and made Khushi cringe with a flash of embarrassment, but the genuine affection that radiated through Payal made her feel at home, for once, like it had always done, all through her childhood.

So? How bad has it been?, the inquisitive tone made Khushi look up from her mug of coffee that had held her attention since the time Payal had stepped in. She sucked in a breath but the omniscient trust that shone in her companion’s eyes gave her the strength to shrug at her in nonchalance, I..I dont know, she confessed truly.

Hmm, Payal bit on her lip as she scrunched her brows and clicked her fingers restlessly. Did you guys talk? Wait, I mean, you both are married now, so did you guys make love? Kiss, at least?, her eyes widened in excitement just as she jumped in her seat, I mean to help the cause? Cause as in, this marriage, she fumbled and talked to shut down eventually as Khushi pinned her down with an imposing and sombre gaze.

Hey, she heard Payal again, know what, I am sorry. Khushi curled her toes in innate agitation as the weight of the situation settled again, and she met Payal’s sympathetic yet, comforting gaze. "I cant even imagine how ..bad, this would be, for you and …him, she felt her friend’s small hand come up to clutch her still one, resting on the table and the wariness of the circumstances alleviated, just a little. How has everyone at home taken to this?." The mention of her family brought forth the wart in her life, the doleful memories of being the daughter of business magnate, Shashinath Sharma, kept her preoccupied while she chose not to reply to Payal.

With a sigh Payal altered the course of the conversation,Khushi, I know this is difficult, but ..did you at least try asking him what he thinks about this wedding?. She shook her head in negation, not knowing how to come to terms with the circumstances or to revel in acceptance rather than cry in dismay. It was bizarre for her to have married Arnav Raizada, she knew it, and she knew others thought the same too. And the nub of it all was that she had no idea what she, or he, thought about it. Let alone talk, they hadn’t even dared to step into each other’s space, she because of the fear of rejection looming large around her, and he, for the essence that made him who he was, to put it factually. And she didn’t know what to think of him, anymore, especially when he looked at her in that peculiar way, that sent her mind in a tizzy.

Know what, she shifted slightly at the cheer in Payal’s voice, we will think something through, you just dont worry, she felt her stomach deflate at Payal’s ideology. Khushi, you first need to find out if he is willing to give you a chance? I mean, he is not stuck in the past, right?, Payal reasoned. "Are you kidding me, of course, he wont give me a chance, ever. And you know it better than anyone else, Khushi bellowed back in an icy tone, plus, he still wears that…ring." She let out a breath as her mind conjectured the image of her husband’s hand with the ring settled onto his finger.

You are not getting it, she looked up at Payal’s intruding tone, for all you know, he wears the ring to keep you at bay, more than it being a remembrance, Payal tipped her head to the side knowingly as she shrugged nonchalantly, "this is Arnav Raizada we are talking about. Plus, this marriage, isnt your fault, anyway." She heard Payal with rapt attention and felt her treacherous heart pick up pace as her deceiving emotion reared its ugly head, while she allowed herself to be mollycoddled into better reasoning or an intermittent spurt of cognition, for what she thought, would be her salvation.

Arnav walked in silently into the dimly lit hallway, the blazer hanging in his hand, as the quietude of the night seeped into his pores. His steps halted at the clinking of the crockery and the robust conversation that came from the dining room catching him off guard and he surreptitiously walked towards the noise that grew louder with each step that he took, until the soft chime behind him, made him stop completely.

He watched her walk through the front door in all her adept glory, yet, the red and white bangles and the string of black beads around her neck made her look every bit like a new bride, his new bride, his heart reasoned, just as her widened eyes met his narrowed ones. Her being was jittery, he noted, as she halted a few steps away from him. Not a word was spoken but he noticed the perceptible defiance back in her crude green eyes, and his eyes traveled down to the recognisable file that was held in her hand, securely. And he felt his insides churn with hurt and annoyance unwillingly. His hands clenched into balled fists by his side, just as she took a determined step away from the door and towards him. His mouth turned into a deep scowl, the simmering anger flared in his eyes while he met her challenging gaze…

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Chapter 4

The word happy would lose its essence, if it werent defined and balanced by sadness.

Carl Jung

Where do you think you are going?, he bellowed back at her when she side stepped him to walk up the stairs, her confusion unleashing a raw fury that refused to wither. I had something important to attend to, her unperturbed shrug without any further details caused him to wallow in pure frustration. He didnt know why, but he wanted her to tell him that she had been busy being an accomplice in bringing about his destruction. Akash’s words from the day earlier rang through his head and he felt his head spin with confusion and dubiety. What was there to hide anyway? She had been hand in glove involved with his rival and there was nothing that could aid her innocence at the moment. Yet, the fact that he hadn’t sought an explanation, let alone owe one, ripped his integrity apart.

He knew there was a reason why he had never condoned to Shashinath Sharma’s business ethics nor was he an adherent to her father’s personal lifestyle, which was both extravagant and disloyal, but if he had to pick a lesser dubious and malicious person between Khushi and her father, he would certainly choose Shashi uncle, any given day, hands down.

The mounting frustration and the inevitable magnetism coupled with the tiresome sexual attraction that refused to let go, took its toll on his haggard self, limiting his thought process. Reaching out for her, he stretched his hand and caught her wrist in a death grip, turning her around swiftly, her body colliding with his, as he held her close. Not hurting but definitely stopping her from escaping. To an onlooker it would look like a near kiss, their faces close and breaths mingling. So close were they, that he could see the flecks of golden in her green orbs, and he realised that she still managed to fit into his frame like a piece of missing puzzle. Their chests pressed against each other with her soft mounds moulding into his hard torso, rekindling the long doused need for her, within him. Their breaths came out in ragged spurts and he felt an undeniable and an inevitable pull to bend down his face, just a little and place his lips on her luscious pink ones, that trembled under his intense gaze.

The besotting moment was however, broken when her undeterrent gaze overshadowed the hardening of his body and the pounding of his heart. The agitation in her being was a distraction, perhaps, had always been. But her eyes held the same old assertion as they had held the first time he had looked into them. The only thing that had stayed intact, from then till now.

Excuse me, the gruff voice caught him off guard as he settled the precious award onto the shelf carefully, taking a while to turn around. He had been visiting Shashinath Sharma, his father’s benevolent employer’s office, and the accolades and honours that Shashi uncle had won over the decades had caught his attention, until the voice behind him had acted as a distraction. The girl, beauteous yes, but definitely striking, he noted rather conspicuously, bore a confused expression when she walked into the plush office. She must have been a couple of years younger than him but the silver nose ring perched on her pert nose and the series of earrings, yelled stubborn, in all its entirety. The denim shorts barely covered her slim legs and the curiosity in the green eyes beckoned him to know her more. He had seen quite a few beautiful girls around, yet, this one was enchanting in her own might.

Khushi, he is Arnav, he watched her roll her eyes at her father’s tone, perhaps, Shashinath uncle had mentioned him before. Waving a hand at him dismissively, she turned her attention to her father as he watched her talk with rapt attention. His extended hand for a handshake, that she had conveniently ignored stayed put, as did his eyes, that never left her being for whatever time she was in the office. Of course, he had heard about her, not from the same source but he now realised that whatever he had been told about her, was a misnomer. He stuffed his hands in his pocket as Shashi uncle walked into the adjoining office to retrieve whatever his daughter had demanded and it was then that she snuck a glance at him, idling with the finance book in her hand, but avoiding him still. Its nice to meet you, Khushi, he started politely and watched her eyes harden for the briefest of the second before she retorted, I am sorry but I am afraid I cant say the same to you. I usually dont feel anything when I meet strangers.

He looked away and thrust his tongue in the inside of his cheek, stopping himself from laughing aloud. She was clearly too smart for her own good. Probably too rude as well. But he had to give it to her, an impressionable teenager like her and she clearly had her head and heart in the right place to have avoided crooning over a distraction like him, he thought smugly, noting well enough that she was adept with her sophisticated behaviour.

Its okay, he nodded his head in acknowledgement, you can decide that once we know each other. And what makes you think that I would want to know you?, the spite was palpable and she tried earnestly to make the disinterest obvious, but one look into her exuberant green eyes and he could tell that she wasnt the brat she portrayed herself to be. Because after the small exchange with her father and just before she left, he had watched her look at him once before she had stepped out. The assertion was certain, but her eyes had softened at his gaze, as was the acknowledgement that they would meet again, she knew that. And the slight twitch of his lips reiterated that they would, and meet they did..albeit in a divergent scenario.

And since then, until now, her eyes had been the only give away to her feelings, albeit intermittently. Whether it was the smile that would reach upto be the twinkle in her green eyes, or the mirth dancing in them, her eyes had somehow learnt to converse with him. And had it not been for the innocuous affection that shone brilliantly in her orbs, he would have missed the disdain and deceit, totally. The mirage that somewhere he had seen that speck of love too, coupled with admiration, had shattered his sanity beseechingly, disarming him with the capability to trust again.

The shrugging of his hand that had held her broke his reverie, as did the turning of her face, away from him. The flush of red on her cheeks the only reminiscence of their proximity. I thought you were raised better than this, he retorted clearly drawing her attention,if anything, Shashi uncle definitely doesnt back stab his enemies. A futile defeat for them, is more his thing. But I am not surprised. This is what makes you different from your father. Shallow but different.

The swift turn of her head and the meeting of their gazes, gave him a satisfaction, the unwavering anger and the hurt shone brightly, albeit momentarily. Dont make this sound as if its my fault, he heard her say. The unmistakable fire ignited in her eyes, although she restrained what she wanted to say, "I am doing my job because you clearly failed at your’s and very miserably at that. So before you accuse me of anything, I would suggest you look into your collar. The tightening of his jaw and the clenching of his fists as he charged towards where she stood got her to retrieve a step back. Says the woman who conveniently ignores the boulder of mistakes she has committed, he started off and was rewarded with the narrowing her eyes as she pursued her lips together much to his chagrin. He was hurting and he wanted nothing less than that for her, clearly overlooking the collateral damages as well. Damages that include not just tangibles but also affections. Anyway, what could one except from a woman like you? You will do anything for money, absolutely anything."

He watched her eyes widen with anger before the carefully restrained dam of fury broke her resolve. And for a second he thought he saw the glimpses of the old Khushi he had known, one who was a spitfire indeed, but honest as well, a contrast to the calculative and cold conniving woman. how dare you?, she stood her ground, visibly hurt but still restrained, much to his chagrin. Dont you dare call me a wrong-doer here. We both know whose the failure between the two of us. And if it hurts you to say it, then let me take this opportunity to remind you that it is not me but your beloved Lavanya who has caused…, she gasped aloud as he caught hold of her arms, dragging her petite self to him, shut up, he roared back at her,this aint about her and you know it. Her actions dont make your misdeeds qualify as achievements, at least, have the heart to accept that you are an opportunistic little brat. His grip on her arms tightened as she squirmed in his hold, barely holding up with the increasing pressure on her arms,"and why the spite towards me? Because I chose to be with your sister and not you? Or because I thwarted all your advances and refused to fuck around with you while I was involved with her?".

There. The damage was done. He watched her blanched face contort in pure loathing and her luminescent eyes widen and glisten with unshed tears. His hold on her arm slackened as he heard her suck in a shaky breath. Their surroundings fell silent, as an uncomfortable quietude descended between the two of them. He let go off her, visibly regretting what he had said. Taking a step back from her he eyed her surreptitiously, as she wiped a hand over her wet eyes, glaring back at him, a retort ready on her lips when the footsteps coming from the hallway abruptly brought their quarrel to an end.

He wanted to reach out and tell her he didn’t mean what he said, that he regretted everything that he had uttered in the moment of anger, but she was already gone. In the second that he had turned to look behind him towards the approaching footsteps, she had taken the moment to rush upstairs in quick steps, her being jittery and overstrung. He closed his eyes and sighed, mentally kicking himself. How he wished that things would go back to being better between the two of them, he really did. Then again, when had things been uncomplicated between them? He stared wistfully at the space where she had stood a while back. This was going to be just that, another long night, with no respite anyhow.

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Chapter 5

"So I placed my heart under lock and key

To take some time, and take care of me.

But I turn around and you’re standing here".

Deborah Cox

Chhote, the conspicuous limp and the trademark acknowledgment made him turn to smile warily at his older sister, Anjali. Di, he walked upto her steadily just as her guiding hand rested on his arm, catching his frayed self diligently. Arnav saw his sister shake his head at him disapprovingly, look at you, you look…knackered, she complained and walked with him as they made their way to the dining room.

The tightened grip on his arm made him look back at his sister who had now stopped and turned to face him. Aman told me, she started off quietly, not knowing what to add further, "I am sorry, for everything Chhote. I am sorry this is happening with you, with us. I am sorry for not being able to help, despite the fact that I want to. I am sorry for everything, Chhote, I am so sorry. Arnav stilled at the sorrow in her sister’s voice and the tears glistening in the otherwise tranquil orbs. He felt his face being cupped in her affectionate hold and he earnestly wanted to reach out and wipe that worry away. None of it is your fault, Di, and you know it," he reached out to place his hand over her’s, just as she looked away, nodding slightly at his disapproval.

I know, he heard her whisper and waited for her to finish what she had to say, Chhote, will you do me a favour?. Arnav nodded at her and creased his eyebrows in confusion, "will you give this a chance? This marriage and ….Khushi?. His hand that held her sister’s stilled as he sucked in a breath. Listen to me, he felt his face being pulled up, Chhote, you know her..everything about her and how this marriage has happened. Dont you think she deserves a chance? Dont you think this marriage deserves a chance?."

And it was right at that moment that Khushi’s pained and pale face from moments ago, floated in front of his eyes. Unintended his fingers fisted together as the grave old feeling of repentance, that he had specifically associated with her, astoundingly came back to hit him in the gut, weaving an uncomfortably debilitating feeling in the pit of his stomach and all he wanted to do was to run from everyone and anyone and gather a few moments of respite wherein he could think things through. It would sound insane to his very own self but despite what was there and what had been there between them, he still wanted to hold onto the hope of giving Khushi a benefit of doubt. All these years of knowing her and somewhere his heart had learnt to trust her, albeit fleetingly. Yes, he hadn’t forgotten the hurt they had caused to each other, but their relationship had stayed put, anyhow. And that was the only thing he wanted to hold onto.

Arnav?, Aman’s hoarse voice cut through the maze of thoughts that had surrounded him and he looked up to meet his brother-in-law’s piercing gaze, all well here?, he heard him and nodded his head slowly. The crease on Aman’s forehead deepened as he averted his gaze to meet his Di’s profound one now, silently prodding her to talk. "I..we were just discussing about..things," he heard his sister say just as Aman walked a few steps ahead to stand next to them, nodding in understanding. Oddly though, he dint quite understand the secrecy that his sister maintained over the topic of Khushi, or anything they talked about, in front of Aman. However, not wanting to delve deeper into his observation, or a misplaced reading, he let that go.

Sighing heavily Aman turned his attention to him, addressing the issues that they had avoided discussing for a while. Akash told me that you wanted to revoke the clause on the beneficiary?, he shook his head and continued, Arnav, I am not going to question your predicament. But I only hope that you know what you are doing. The situation is grim, we have incurred huge losses and needless to say that we would be paying through our noses to do the damage control. But you obviously know that, right?.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he nodded in affirmation to what Aman had asked, not offering any further clarifications. So, I assume you are fine allocating a share for ..for Khushi, I mean of whatever that is entitled to you?, he nodded again, this time a little steadily as he assimilated the query. Fine. If you have made up your mind, then I have nothing more to add, he looked up to meet his Jijaji’s hard eyes before Aman turned to speak to his wife, I will be upstairs, working out the changes, in case you need me for anything. And with that he swiftly turned on his heels and walked up the stairs.

Letting out a breath he had been holding, he closed his tired eyes when his head throbbed with the ache. Chhote, he heard his sister as her warm hand caught his withered one slowly, I know you are ambivalent about the circumstances, but I trust you to do right. He opened his eyes and stared into nothingness allowing the words to wash over his pained heart, I dont know, Di, he stated in a small voice that sounded like an unhindered complaint to his own self. Chhote, I know this is hard on you, but you know what to do. Perhaps, you have always known. He felt his right hand being lifted and placed on his heart, his sister smiled up at him, "you just need to think from here and grab the happiness that you have been bestowed with. And you will do right, for yourself and for Khushi."

His sister squeezed his hand in understanding and he looked right back at her. And it was then that the realisation dawned on his fogged senses. This was it, the beginning to an end or a means to a new beginning, he realised solemnly. The hopeful eyes that stared at him awaited his predicament, just as the resentment and the inertia to let go, engulfed his solemn being. His soul dwindled amidst the haze of confusion, as he refused to comply with the present. However, the fact that subconsciously he had taken a step towards acceptance made his numb sense shake perceptibly to only acknowledge what had been said to him, before Di slowly turned around to walk away from him, leaving him to his muddled thoughts.

"Because I chose to be with your sister and not you? Or because I thwarted all your advances and refused to fuck around with you while I was involved with her?"

She grit her teeth some more, her teeth digging into the soft flesh of her lips as she bit on it hard to stop herself from waling out aloud. Was this all that he thought of her, ever? The dull ache radiating through the left of her chest spread rapidly into her entire being, causing a depreciating loathe to take over her form. What did he think she was? A whore, who solicited men around her? Or a sister, lesser mortal, who had stood in the way of her sister’s happiness? She shook her head furiously, sniffing aloud and slumping onto the bed, clutching the sheet tightly in her hand. She blinked back tears as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Who was she and what had she come to become? The broken woman that stared back at her reminded her of the unfairness that life had meted out to her. She had been at the receiving end of the circumstances, more often than she recollected. And she had no one, no one at all, to lay the blame on, except her, of course.

I think he is looking at you, she hoped that Payal’s words would not wash over her much, but the goosebumps that erupted on her skin and the heat that rose from the pit of her stomach, was for real. She lifted her hands up in the air and gyrated to the rhythm, while her unintended gaze swivelled towards the caramel one, immobilising her momentarily. It could certainly not be the figment of her imagination, the way he had pinned her down with an unwavering stare, refusing to back down, as he shamelessly ran his eyes over her semi-clad back and uncovered legs, his lips turning slyly while the mirth glinted peculiarly in his eyes, because all that she saw, was all for real too.

This was one of their initial encounters at the success party of her dad’s business projects and his first time at being around one too. But she had been too aware off his presence around her. And the way her heart picked up pace, and the heat spread from her neck to her cheeks, every time he looked at her, was a testimony to the unacknowledged affection that breathed between them, one that was persistent through time, and only grew with hate.

And she had been a fool to have fallen for what her heart had intended, trashing the warning that reared its ugly head, every now and then. She wasnt made for love, she should have known. But the heart wants what it wants. And she had only played along in the hands of time, her treacherous heart pining for the man, as she fell for him, hook, line and sinker, only to be slapped into a rude awakening, years later.

The very moment she had stepped into the house, an unsettling feeling had taken over her being, a nagging notion in the back of her head that didnt let her revel in the homecoming, just yet. She watched Lavanya beam back at her gleefully as she caught hold of her hand and hugged her awkwardly, I am so glad you are back, she whispered into her ear, the joy radiating from her being was palpable. She had been back after the end of semester from her B-school and had hoped to get some respite, at home. Lies. Her heart chided as she snuck a glance around at the silence in the house. Was no one home to meet her today? Not even him? She felt her spirits dimming at the thought. These several months of not seeing him, had made her resilient self contort with a fervent need and an acknowledgement so fierce, that it was unfathomable to her own self. She wanted him. She loved him and there was no denying it.

Khushi, she felt Lavanya shake her out of her stupor, are you listening to me?. Yes, she replied in a small voice, smiling half heartedly at her sister’s enthusiasm. I have something to tell you, she allowed Lavanya to hold her hand and drag her into the living room where her family had gathered as she stood facing them all- her joyous father, her happy mother and her grandmother, who for some odd reason didnt share the merry that was floating in the air. She watched her vivacious sister shrug and smile deeply with her conspicuous dimples adorning the glow on her face, I want you to meet someone. You know him too, she felt her heart pick up pace as her stomach plummeted uneasily at her sister’s reference. She turned to look at Lavanya who now stood next to the single couch which was occupied by a man whose back was facing her. And it didnt take a genius to know who it was.

With her heart thudding in her chest, she took an involuntary step back just as he stood up and turned around to face her. Khushi, Arnav and I are getting engaged. We are in love, her mouth fell dry and her feet trembled as she fought to stay put at her place, trying inexplicably to smile and congratulate her sister. But the words and her curiosity died an untimely death as her aghast gaze was met with a cold stare from the owner of the molten brown eyes, who had stolen her heart and made her fall irrevocably in love with him, inadvertently and unintentionally. And yet, the moment Lavanya slipped her hand in his and he looked away from her to smile down at her sister, she felt her breath cease with a loud buzz that reverberated through her entire being shaking the very gut within her, when she