Itty Bitty Tiny Tall Tales: True Stories That Never Happened and More

By K.B. Chandra Raj

Short stories have grown to be popular and have come to stay. Campers around fires spin out short stories, as well as buddies at the bar over a beer. We all tell each other stories. It’s one of the ways humans exist, and one of the ways we know we’re alive and well.

In Itty Bitty Tiny Tall Tales, author K.B. Chandra Raj offers short stories filled with colorful characters and crackling dialogue. The Sum of Our Parts presents a humorous look at everyday expressions that include a variety of body parts. Revenge Sweet and Sour tells the story of a son who vows to kill his father who ran away after his birth.

This eclectic collection of short stories is meant to amuse, to pass the time with a smile, to be consumed at the coffee shop, or to be read at the gym on the treadmill.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Oct 16, 2018
• ISBN: 9781480868960

K.B. Chandra Raj

K.B. Chandra Raj was born and raised in Malaysia. He was trained as an accountant and worked in that field before retiring. He and his family immigrated to the United States in 1985. Chandra Raj and his wife, Siva, have two grown children and two grandchildren and live in Hamden, Connecticut. He is also the author of For the love of Shakespeare, Your sense of humor—Don’t leave home without it, Mining my own life, and Reminiscing in tranquility of a time long gone by.

Book preview

1

The Sum of Our Parts

I vanka will be the president’s eyes and ears. (News Report)

Once a year body parts hold a convention. On this day they exchange compliments and trade insults freely.

The meeting is called to order.

Why do these humans have to always bring us into their conversation? asked the Head.

What do you mean? asked Feet.

They always want to get a ‘head start.’ When he is in love, it has to be ‘head over heels.’ If he flunks the math test, then he does not have a ‘head’ for numbers.

Now - Now said Feet. You do not have to put your nose into this, you nosey thing. This is why humans say I cannot get my head around this or that, you dummy."

I feel so privileged, said Hands. My thanks go out to humans when they bring their palms together in prayer and shake hands when they greet and depart. When he does well it’s ‘thumbs up and two thumbs up’ and never forget, folks, that ‘the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.’

Now who’s talking? said Mouth addressing Hands. The journey of a thousand miles starts not with hands, you oaf, but with a single step; and when the journey is completed, how wonderful you feel when you put both your feet up. You cannot even scratch your own back. You have to go around begging. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. Why don’t you stay where you are and continue to twiddle your thumb?

Aw! When you take an oath, you do not put your mouth on the bible. You place your hand. I feel so privileged when that happens.

Now we know why.

Know what why?

There are two hands, two ears, two feet and only one mouth. Thank God only one mouth and that too is one too many. You are just a mouth-piece. I do not have the stomach for family squabbles. So, shut up.

Even Shakespeare is guilty said Ears.

Shakespeare? How come?

Did he not say, ‘Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears?’ How can we be so sure he will return them?

Then they heard from down below the pair whimpering, How low can human beings go? and they saw the pair shedding tears. Why do humans have to say only of men ‘He does not have the balls’? That’s gender discrimination!

Could you all please do me a big favor? I’ll forever be grateful. A sorrowful plea was heard from the far end.

Everyone turned around.

Now what do you want? they all asked.

Stop calling me asshole.

All right. Then we will call you ‘shit hole.’ It has the presidential imprimatur.

The meeting is adjourned

2

In Silence Please

A nthony had been widowed for 40 years. I have known him for many years. Once when I asked him whether a second marriage did not interest him, with a far- off look in his eyes he shook his head from left to right. I never broached the topic again. His only child died some time ago in a car accident. He lives alone. He walks with a limp and a cane. On days of inclement weather Anthony does not open his shop. He likes to talk and is forever abuzz with questions.

Some nondescript pictures adorned the wall, and the furniture is time worn and weather beaten. The serene snip, snip, snip of his scissors is the only sound that breaks the genteel silence at this Barber Shop. There have been days when he has dropping scissor, comb and all and made a dash for the bathroom saying, It’s the water pill I’m taking for pressure. I’ll be back.

Today, the weather being pleasant, he opened his shop around 8.30 in the morning and was waiting more for company than for customers.

It was 11.30 A.M. He had finished reading the New Haven Register, and around 11.40 in walks the first customer, a first timer. Anthony is delighted. There’ll be a lot to talk about.

Anthony receives customer Exxe graciously and leads him to the chair and drapes him with the cape. Customer removes his glasses and places them on the table in front.

Anthony decides it’s time to talk.

He asks, How would you like to have your hair cut, sir?

Exxe gives him a steely stare through the mirror in front of him and