7 Years of Life

By Black Pearl

Ceres is a young Afro-American woman growing up during the time period when Rap had become the Voice of the Afro-American Community and Crack Was the parents to many of the youth within the walls of N.Y.C. faced with these facts; that she is a strong female, a Black person; whom is not expected to succeed with her life because of these circumstances. She begins to quickly learn the necessary Life lessons she will need to survive in her world and Ceres decides to be the Woman she wants to be not the Woman she is told to be.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9781524560478

Black Pearl

Black Pearl was born in N.Y.C. but raised in Florida. She grew up during her early childhood years in a two parent home but lost that stability when her parents separated. She is the oldest of 6 siblings and cherishes her family moments the most. She is a devoted, mother, daughter, sister, friend, niece and granddaughter. Writing a novel was a dream of her mother’s and she decided to write this novel to pay tribute to the memory of her mother; while showing the world that “Adversity” is just a word to many but a challenge that she enjoyed overcoming through her own personal trial and tribulations; while traveling through her Journey of Life.

Book preview

Prologue

Every day of my life I have wondered what has been or is my purpose in this journey we know as LIFE. My mother whom was a wise and enlighten woman; seemed to always be willing to share her knowledge of life no matter the situation nor the person. I had often wonder and said to myself; Why does she care? It wasn’t until later in life, maybe too late to be honest; that I came to realize that her mantra Each One Teach One; basically, is my motivation for my journey through Life…

My earliest memories as a child began in 1980; a time when I felt as if life was just beginning for me personally. Life was so simple then…

I can only hope this story about a young woman’s pilgrimage through her life can help someone grow and learn to love life to the fullest…

1980-1987

The beginning of my journey; basically, Child’s Play…

Chapter 1

My childhood as I remember it was filled with happy and tragic life altering memorable moments. As most of us, I only recall these memories in flashbacks, yet they all have shaped and formed me into the woman I am today. My first recollections of my infancy were of my then close family gatherings. There was so much "Love" that it could fill Yankee Stadium ten times fold. Back then we had REAL parties for all and every occasion. At these parties, any and every one of N.Y.C came out and showed love while partying with my family. There was so much laughter that filled the air, the wharf of delicious food, people of all ages dancing, and my aunt Sassy taking me out on her dates.

One date I recall fondly was to an amusement park in New Jersey; known as; "Great Adventures". I rode every ride and ate every type of fair food until I was sick to my stomach. That particular day is one of my fondest memories with Aunt Sassy. My aunt Sassy resided in Queens, NY and though I did not see her often I always looked forward to spending time with her.

My aunt Sassy was 5'3 tall and fine as wine per the pleather of men that could see her coming a mile away; as they whistled and made crazy sounds with their mouths. I knew then what a true Diva" consisted of and how a woman was supposed to carry herself…

The Bronx was always the blithe of my youth; we lived on 188th and Marion Avenue and my building was so ever lively with people of all walks of life. Not to mention the diverse characters I encountered daily hanging in the streets of the Boogie Down Bx.. I was a typical N.Y.C. kid playing Hopscotch, Double Dutch, and Scalsey in Webster Park with my siblings and other neighborhood kids; we often ran through the fire hydrant on those hot summer days; while listening for Mom calling us from the upstairs window to beat the street lights home. Life was so child’s play then and I had no idea that those memories were needed for my actions of Today.

City Life was very different from life in upstate NY. I had to learn how to be street smart, quick thinking, and leery of people’s true intentions toward me. Fully aware of why to my immature mind but I believe deep down in my subconscious this is how I had to be. Life in the jungle of NYC was rough on a young black woman; especially if you were trying to beat the odds and find a way out.

Being raised within the walls of "The Bronx; allowed me to become an independent, strong willed, street smart, and loyal to a fault young Lady. I am the person one could depend upon as an ally and one that my enemies feared. For the simple fact; that being a prodigy child of two parents who were knowledgeable about the Street Life and the life of the Social Elite. I was considered a rare child; whom my family invested all their love and time in because they felt like I was the One" to advance both sides of the families. But unbeknownst to my family; that is not who I had seen myself as; I was more of a protector to my siblings. It was basically a part of my nature and it was something I could not fight within myself.

I had three siblings at that time in my life: Dina, she was skinny as a broom stick but she had a smooth copper pecan complexion that shined so brightly; allowing everyone to see how beautiful she was on the inside; as well as on the outside. Greedy Momma, she was a thick bone lighter skinned girl who basically ate any and everything. She was the shortest out of all of us but had the biggest butt and the biggest mouth, and Budha was the only son; he was a little darker than Greedy Momma and very handsome. He loved basketball, Big Wheels, and our mother’s spaghetti. Since he was the only son he was doted on by the entire family. We were all close and were loved kids. Though, we were all different in our own ways and would eventually take similar, but different paths in life; I could not imagine life without these three nor could I comprehend growing up without siblings to grow old with. I was the oldest and Dina and I were about 3 years apart; then came greedy momma and she and Dina were about one year apart and finally the son came in the form of Budha and he was the baby of our clan.

Whether; we were going to the McDonalds on Fordham Road, or running to the infamous Carvel Ice cream shop on Webster Avenue, or just hanging on the stoop on my block. My siblings and I lived for the outside, the park was our second home, back then we were different kids from the kids of today. We had more life experience, we were more connected to nature, and we had more imagination. I remember activities such as camping as a family or road trips that families took at a moment’s notice. All the kids of today seem to want to do is stay in the house, play videos games, be on the internet on sites such as; Facebook and Myspace etc. What we don’t realize or simply don’t care to recognize; is that these inventions are destroying our youth of the black community. My generation could explore this world and we got life experiences that could only be taught by getting out and doing things. Our curiosity saw no bounds and our form of entertainment was being nosy or inquisitive to put it politely.

At times, I still sit back and recall the many characters from that period in my life and just crack up laughing to myself. For instance; I will never forget Ms. Avalon; she was a slender built woman with a pretty smile that she often covered up with her hand; due to the beatings, her man would give her daily. A fact that I had witnessed on many occasions because she was an associate of my mother’s that lived down the street and her daughter Yesenia; and I were close friends. The first time I had heard the phrase Get out of Town; was a conversation Ms. Avalon and my mom were having about another neighbor that lived in our building; Ms. Scoochie, she was a curvaceous woman and she knew it. She was raising nine children and still had the flare of a twenty something years old woman. I remember playing in my room one day and seeing Ms. Scoochie get out of this old man’s car and when she stood up she was naked under her trench coat. I started to giggle and then ducked down for fear she would see me and then come up stairs and whip my behind because back then most adults within our community treated all kids as if they were their own and it was nothing to get a spanking from your neighbor and then they take you home and you got another spanking from your parents, that was what I considered "True Love back then. I then ran and told my mother what I had saw. I said; Momma why was she naked outside? She laughed and then said; Ceres, you will understand one day and then we will talk about it". I know the women in the neighborhood talked about that incident for months and I noticed all the women would make their men cross the street when they saw Ms. Scoochie sashaying down the street. Later, I realized they were just jealous and scared that Ms. Scoochie would steal their men. Maybe their fears were correct to some degree but the reality of it was that fear makes people do strange things. These events were entertaining, yet my reality was making sure my siblings and I were out of harm’s way.

Both my parents worked so we were considered "Latch Key kids. Basically, growing up with two working parents a lot of kids in my neighborhood were given a key by their parents to get into their homes after school; even though we were too young to stay home by ourselves it was what our parents had to do to put food on the table, a roof over our heads, and clothes on our back. My mother worked directing traffic in downtown Manhattan, she was a vibrant dark chocolate complexion woman with almond chinky eyes. She was 56 tall, but she was a force to be reckoned with. She had a pretty smile and such a hearty laugh. She was intelligent with an I.Q. of 140 and she possessed the street smarts of a gangsta. She was a no-nonsense woman who never sugarcoated life and the experiences she encountered. My mother was also loud and had the presence that demanded respect wherever she went and her nickname was Ike"; only to her close friends and family members. No one that I could remember; not even my father dared to challenge my mother. She was one of six children by my granny Irene. There was Go Go, Sassy, Cagey, James, and Runaway. I never saw Runaway as a child, but my family said he existed, therefore, that was good enough for me.

My father; on the other hand, had a pecan brown complexion, was slim build, and the quiet, yet deadly type. He received respect everywhere he went, ironically his nickname was Big Shot. My father was also one of seven children by my grandma Beverly. There was Big Black, Damon, Henry, Lucy, Faye, and Junk. My father worked as a security guard for various chained stores, he hustled Three Card Monte, and sold marijuana to make ends meet. He never wanted nor needed a hand out; he took pride in providing for his family. While most black kids in my neighbor had nothing, we had everything; from Cabbage Patch Dolls, Rainbow Brite, Teddy Ruxpin, Care Bears, He Man and the Masters of the Universe, Atari and the VCR; which we were the first kids on our block to own. Kids from my neighborhood use to come over to watch movies. It was the first time I ever saw the movie; Sparkle and I fell in love with music for the first time.

My father’s mother lived in the building that was only one block away but seemed like it could have been twenty blocks away because it was as high as the Empire State Building; at least to a child of my age. It seemed you had to climb Mt Kilimanjaro because of the number of steps it took to get to the top. She lived with Ms. Pria her longtime friend; and her two daughters Carol and Samantha; as well as her granddaughter Latoya; whom I had become great friends with the entire time I lived in the Bronx. Toya and I would roam the streets of our borough together daily trying to find new and exciting things to share together. I recall one day we were on Fordham Road about to go see the movie, "Footloose, and we were walking down the street and came upon a man and a woman in the alley way; being the nosy girls we were, Toya and I decided to stop and look. I had no idea at the time what was going on but Toya saw the confusion on my face and turned to me and said; She is a hooker, Res. That was the first time I realized that people would do anything for money. This was the second time; I had seen a woman outside showing her goodies and at that age I thought it was gross but later in life I would be able to relate to them on so many levels.

My name by the way is Ceres and I was a gifted and quiet child at school. I could never figure out how to fit in and always did my own thing. I would encounter the Mean Girls; daily. For some reason; they liked to pick on me and how dark I was. The leader of this pack was Latysha Boil and she was a Spanish chick; whom I thought was ugly because of her bad acne; that looked like boils and her nasty attitude but she would attract all the boys’ attention. I remember there was this kid named Bobby and he had a crush on this girl, I mean something fierce and they had been dating for all of three months; which in elementary school that was a long time. I had happened to be sitting in the staircase reading a Nancy Drew book called; "The Phantom of Venice and they both walked in groping and kissing each other; which at that time I thought was yucky because I was not into boys yet. Then she dumps him without even an ounce of sympathy. About two days later he decides to take a swan dive from the roof of our school; he thought he was Superman; at least that was what the school and the news reported. This is the first time I learned that drugs could kill. The Word" around school was that Bobby had gotten a hold of some bad Acid. After that day; I often wondered was it suicide because of the exchange I had seen in the stairwell earlier that week, or could it be that he thought he could really fly? In this instance; I had come to realize that dating was not for me. I mean really, I was too strong willed to let some have that type of hold over me and my life. To me it was crazy to love someone else more than you loved yourself; because Self-Preservation is the first law of the Universe. But reality has a way of biting you back and I would find out later in life that when it comes to love; reason, intelligence and common sense love wins.

To keep myself busy I became active in dance, it was my outlet at the time and as many knew in my neighborhood; becoming a dancer was the aspiration of most girls it was our ticket out of the Hood, so to speak. I was very competitive and picked on because I was too thick boned by dancer standards but my dance teacher saw something in me and would not allow me to give up on my dreams nor myself. One day he found me crying in the locker room, I was so despaired and had begun to doubt myself and my abilities. He just picked my head up, and said Ceres, God made all of us different and it was not by accident; you are the way you are for a reason as I am the way I am for a season. I just laughed until I stopped crying. You see Mr. Alvin was a pecan brown slender tall Gay man and he had no shame in being himself; no matter what anyone thought of him. Mr. Alvin was my hero for that instance in time; he touched my creative soul and allow me to soar as a dancer but like most things I had begun to know to be true in life, the AIDS virus took him away like a thief in the night and my world at P.S. #137 was never the same.

By now Latoya and I were growing increasingly close; being the two-social outcast of each other’s group of schoolmates. Toya was older than me in years but her mental handicapped put her years behind me and I had become very protective over her. You can say she was my first chance at trying on my big sister hat. It was one hot summer day and I had just finished my chores and began my daily journey up the block to go hang out with Toya for the day. I had stopped at the local Bodega and grabbed two ices known as Bomb Pops; which was our favorite because it was lemon, blueberry and cherry flavors all combined into one icy. I was in great mood and my best friend and I was venturing to new parts of the city for the first time today, so I began skipping into the courtyard and then into her building ready to start our day; when I heard a familiar, yet terrifying sound; so I began to slowly creep around to see what was this noise that I was hearing; it sounded to me like a wounded animal and then I suddenly realized it was Toya she was under the stairwell on her back and someone was on top of her. Toya was crying and stuttering the words stop Damon you are hurting me and he responded; stay still Bitch I am almost done; as I watched my uncle assault her in such a demeaning way, I just froze in place. My own childhood memories began to flood into my feeble and confused mind. These acts had seemed so familiar to me; then it all became a living nightmare and I began to remember…

Chapter 2

I can still remember his stank ass breath smelling of cigarettes and stale beer and his weight on top of me; while he gyrated up and down. I was only about five years old at the time and not knowing what these motions signified; I could still feel the plastic of the burnt orange couch as it stuck to my hot and sticky soft skin. Just knowing that I had seen him do the same to my cousin Keisha on numerous occasions and realizing how wrong it felt deep down in the core of my gut. Damon was a handsome tall lanky man and he had plenty of women; this was a known fact to all of us because he constantly brought them in and out of our home. I could never understand why would he want to hurt us; we were his family? To this day, I keep a picture of my grandmother holding me on this very couch as a constant reminder to myself that; I need to always stay focused and to never let another man demean me in such a way ever again. Especially, since I came from a loving home with two parents; whom loved each other and their children unconditionally. I truly believe that is what kept me strong when dealing with demon inside of me.

By this time, my mother and father had taken in my big cousin Keisha because her mom was sent away; at least that was the terminology back then; and we girls were like sisters; very competitive in all we did. She would go with us to dance class and watch and copy the steps we were learning because my grandparents paid our tuition and my grandparents could not afford to send Keisha.

Keisha was family and I had not knowingly watched her assault take place and thought that this was a normal way of life. I remember seeing her cry and say the very exact words that Toya was saying that day. I want to thank my father’s baby brother; which we girls eventually called DEMON, for stealing what was not his and violating several little girls within my family and community. The word Pedophile was not common in the black community back then and we were not as outspoken as we are today nor did we understand that what he did was completely wrong and not our fault at least not until later in life but the damage was already done.

As I began to focus again; I suddenly dropped the bomb pops and ran home as fast as I could. I immediately retreated to my bedroom for fear that he saw me and was going to come after me next. I began to constantly play sick because every night I was too scared to close my eyes, so by morning I was too tired to go to school. My mother suspected something was wrong; she was always intuitive when it came to changes within her family but I always made up excuses about why I was not feeling well. I was scared to tell the truth out of fear. I was a kid and he was an adult, who would believe me over him? Is how I felt and thought.

As we all know where there are good times there are most bad times; sad to say but it is a heart wrenching reality. After four days, I finally got the courage to let the nightmare play out in my head; it was as vivid as if I was right there at that moment. The assaults took place at one of the family homes in Queens, N.Y. This house was huge and so beautiful, we could play in it all day and it never got boring. It was three stories high, with a finished attic and a finished basement. We even had a dog named; Magic. On one occasion, Damon assaulted me in the attic, then on the living room couch, and the final memory was of Keisha in the basement apartment of the house. Ironically; the home would burn to the ground after my grandparents sold it. I sometimes wondered if The House felt as violated and destroyed by the actions that took place under its roof as I was? I believe that these are the instances that catapulted my choices through Life and changed Me forever; it hardened my heart, stole my innocence, and geared me towards a life that I was not emotionally equipped to handle at such a young age.

Then one day after much agony, I decided tell my grandmother Irene, she was my mother’s momma and she was a beautiful woman. She was 5'2 tall, feisty, smart, and a great business woman. I started telling her about what I had endured and how I came to remember these events that took place at the old family house; she comforted me and took me under her wing as a mother bird would protect her own. She looked at me and said I am so sorry for what that monster has done to you girls and I promise he will never be able to do it again but we are going to never speak of this again. My grandmother was the type to keep such a scandal hushed thinking she was doing the right thing but by keeping the secret I would realize later in life it would cause catastrophic events within my life and my family that could not be reversed. Please do not get it twisted, I am grateful she believed me because Toya was being called a liar and a slut by my other grandmother Beverly; whom was my dad’s momma, even thou I knew she was telling the truth but my granny Irene would not let me speak of it; for the simple fact; I could bring shame to myself and my family. I felt so bad for Toya she was being punished for being violated. How fucked up is that! We did not see much of each other after that incident. I often regretted that decision; my grandma wanted to protect Dina, Greedy Momma and myself; so, we moved in with them on Trinity Avenue and here is where we were reintroduced to the Church life. We had begun to attend a Pentecostal church with a woman minister; Irene thought it would be best because all we had been through. My sisters and I loved it. We had our own mini choir; which consisted of me, my sissy Dina, and my baby sister Greedy Momma. Our favorite song was Sign Me Up" and to be honest I walk around and hum that very same song to this day because it brings back good memories and gives me so much joy and peace.

You see; my granny believed God heals all wounds in time and since I was beginning my next step in the grading system to Junior High School it was best to let this sleeping dog lie. It was a fresh start for me and I was getting to know new people and meet new friends. This was the year I would meet Adana and Shawn and they would become my best childhood friends for years to come. Adana was a mixed girl; she was Greek and black and she knew her shit did not stink. Shawn was a dark-skinned girl from a Caribbean Island, with big teeth but she was loyal to all she loved. We were sisters in every way and we use to practice all the songs from the movie; Sparkle because we wanted to be famous singers and/or dancers one day. Therefore; I tried not to dwell on the negative events because truth be told I had a blessed and happy childhood. We took trips everywhere, my family loved to travel; which we still do to this day, we often joke that we are gypsies unable to stay in one place for too long because our spirits were meant to journey through out this world. Although the family was spread out we remained a close net group.

For example; there were so many B.B.Q.’s at the other family home. All my family was present and united for these moments except my uncle Runaway and this is when I found out that he was in prison for murdering a man. My uncle James was so ever present though and he would play with us as an uncle should. I always felt safe around him and always loved spending time with Uncle James. It was a feeling of serenity and never a dull moment. Like clockwork the school year was ending and my family began to pack up our things because we always went away for the summer.

My summers were spent just about every year in upstate NY, my mother’s home town; which was the total opposite of my life within the confined walls of the Bronx and Queens. It was relaxing and dreamy on so many levels. The warm summer air mixed with a pleasant sweet smell of summer flowers. One mildly hot summer day as I walked my sisters and myself over the covered bridge to the local General Store so, that we could buy penny Swedish Fishes and Double Bubble Gum. We would stop to pick flowers; which was a ritual for us; while playing, a game known as He loves me, He loves me not. We loved being upstate NY in the summers, we would often get so distracted that one day we thought we had lost Greedy Momma. It was the first time in my life that I felt panic and my protector instinct was in overdrive. We eventually found her in the wooded area by the covered bridge playing with a furry all white bunny rabbit that had a peculiar check mark shape in dark brown. We all swore not to tell our parents for fear they would never let us roam upstate NY again. This is when I knew sibling bonds were meant to last a lifetime. These were the very same people that I would live life with, learn from, love unconditionally and then grow old together with for my lifetime. Family meant everything to me even back then; the best part was the meals we shared together on various occasions.

My family would have BBQ’s that lasted from Memorial Day until Labor Day every summer and this was the life one would want to live. I had three big cousins all sons of my aunty Go Go, and they watched out for us kids as well as spoiled us to the point that we never knew what life was like without everything we could ever want and need. I was fortunate to experience so many beautiful beginnings during my summer adventures in upstate NY; which made me fall in love with life and all it had to offer me. I got my period for the first time at my Auntie Go Go’s house in upstate New York, as well as tasted my first sip of beer from a tap; to be honest it was so nasty then and is still nasty to me today. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth but I sure had a refined palate at such an early age. My aunt’s home was so beautiful, when you walked up the driveway it led down a hill and into the garage; then to walk to the front door you had to walk between a row of six feet hedges about ten feet long or so, and they were a dark and deep green; that was the purest green I had ever seen before in my life. By the time, you hiked to the front door it opened to a split-level home. If you then decided to ventured down the stairs you encountered the entertainment room, along the back wall was a pool table and across the room was