John Lee and Honey Bee

By Douglas Abraham

You will love John Lee and Honey Bee if you earnestly enjoy and appreciate humor.

You will love the characters if you can relate to warm, happy, genial, funny folks. The two are whimsical, outlandish, hilariously entertaining folks enjoying their lives and their fun-filled times together.

You will find yourself at Ole Miss and you will love being an Ole Miss rebel.

There are no downsonly ups. Its fun: humongous fun, every chapter every page. If you try it you will like it; nay, you will love it.

You will fall in love with Dewey, Thom, Buck-a-roo, Popcorn Annie, Jelly Belly Uzelly, and of course, the ubiquitous, hilariously endearing two: John Lee and Honey Bee.

Give it a chance, and if you do, you will surely give it a go, go, go!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 26, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504913195

Douglas Abraham

Doug attended Ole Miss, where he was president of the student body and a member of ODK and Hall of Fame. After law school, he practiced law and ventured into numerous businesses involving communications and recycling in over forty states and worldwide. As a member of Kappa Alpha Social Fraternity, he learned the meaning of a Mississippi guy “raising cane,” and he is presently doing so with his wife, son, and friends in La Jolla, California. He was chosen as the Outstanding Young Man of Mississippi and served twelve years in the Mississippi legislature.

Book preview

PART ONE

CHAPTER 1

The following takes place in the year of our Lord and John Lee—…

I heard him loud and clear, yelling like a banshee, Yooouuuaa eeeeee, before I so much as laid my two astonished eyes on him. The HIM was the one and only— the inimitable John Lee Cooper. Like a bolt out of the blue he was cat calling and waving at the beautiful coeds sauntering around the Ole Miss campus. There was no doubt that John Lee had arrived. Ole Miss was known for its bountiful bevy of beauties, and John Lee knew how to appreciate them. Southern Belles, Southern Belles, Oh those glorious Southern Belles there are none anywherethis good! John Lee declared enthusiastically. His prolific style consisted of loud music, blaring car horns, and a lot of whooping and hollering.

His speakers, pitched to their ultimate decibels, were blasting out fifties tunes to over half of the campus. They were not melodious, harmonic selections, but I remember some of the lyrics and music. They were definitely in and had made it up to the top of the charts. The list Bim Bam Ali Kazam, Wonderful you walked by, blasted out in cutting edge clarity. A ruckus between John Lee and the upper classmen broke out as, Honey Love came wafting thru the air waves. I remember it went something like this: "Gimmie, Gimmie, Gimmie, your honey love… Oh, I need it, in the morning time. I need it in the evening time.

I need it in the middle of the night. I need yourrr… Huuney Love… It blasted on, I’m gonna get it in the mornin’ time…I’m gonna get it in the evening’ time…I’m gonna get yourrrr… Honey Love." But then it happened, a stunner, John Lee Played music that probably no one else in the whole world possessed:

The Red Tops, And Rufus McKay crooning "Danny Boy, as only Rufus could do. He was a humdinger. Danny Boy ranked as The ultimate, the unreachable, the foremost dreamiest, most romantic song ever to come out of the ole South. The Red Tops played everywhere at every dive, Juke Joint and Honky Tonk the \Mississippi Delta had to offer, and we all followed them wherever they played from Vicksburg to Memphis. When ole Rufus first belted forth we froze in silent appreciation like the Military does when they hear Taps. Couples came together, automatically started dancing and holding each other real tight. The song ended and the tempo abruptly changed. There had probably never been such caterwauling on the outrageously, supercilious university campus. All this to do seemed intrinsic, inherent-I would soon discover with great delight, strictly John Lee-to a T". The top was down on his big new shiny apple red Cadillac convertible: the number one most beautiful car on campus. As the enhanced booming speakers were blasting out, it was like a call for the faithful to come to Mecca.

The Ole Miss students came running out of their Dorms when they heard it, like moths to a flame. Soon there were over 5000 students, and a pep rally and a sock hop rolled into one set the scene for a real well- rounded Ole Miss education courtesy of the one and only the indomitable John Lee.

Shortly after his arrival, John Lee, like all of us freshmen, was quickly rooted out of his car by gargantuan, upperclassman football players. He was reluctantly marched to face the unavoidable pruning shears. But, unlike me, Thom Thomas, and all of the other six thousand freshman boys; John Lee Cooper would not tolerate that ridiculous shaving head business.

Students gathered around his Cadillac and marched behind him like bees buzzing headlong for a honeycomb. A crowd of six or seven hundred students quickly massed. John Lee was our instant hero! He had been on the campus less than an hour and already everyone knew him. He was a hero, bucking the establishment. My head will not be shaved. It is not going to happen. Tradition– be damned, he yelled waving his arm high and triumphantly while the mass of students yelled in encouraging admiration.

I swear I’ll leave here and go straight to Mississippi State, he yelled convincingly, as he struggled to get away from the large football brutes holding him while he twisted, and turned, cavorted and gyrated trying to escape. Lively cajoling continued, a compromise reached and decided in an explosive barrage of expletives. John Lee would have his blankety blanking head shaved only to the top of his blankety blanking ears. He wrangled and bargained further, getting ’em to agree to shave just up to the middle of his ‘blankety blanking’ ears.

Nopers, no dangburn way: only to the TOP of my ears. My poah mommie deah is laid out in intensive care, the only way she can tell it’s really me is by these long curly locks when she reaches out for them, he said as he pulled on his long blond locks. Surely you would not rob mommie of her only way to recognize her only boy child-Me John Lee. As the meat heads pondered all he said he gave an Indian like-Rebel yell. As the mass of startled spectator students looked on he escaped and took off running like a scalded dog, disappearing into the multitudes: all eager to converge and conceal him. When he was finally found and brought back to the ominous shearing stand he threatened, I’m off to Cow College! I am going, going, gone: off I tell you off. Finally, after much more ado, to seal the fricking deal, he had to agree to wear his freshman beanie just like all previous freshmen had done for more than seventy decades.’

The first buzz-cut ever known to mankind was John Lee’s. Soon many of the upper classmen who had by seniority retained their locks were sporting buzz cuts and it was the fashionable phenom on the campus. "I look like a Hari Kharischner, he yelled to the crowd, throwing his arms straight up in the air and turning around to embrace them all, receiving thunderous approval from the students.

Thom, I am just not a cap kinda man he told me smiling mischievously. They are juvenile, sophomoric mundane to an extent to cause my expletives to explode but for now I will only allow ‘Gosh Dang’. The upper classmen had left his long blond hair on top, as agreed, but the sides and back were slick and shaved to the middle of his ears. I watched enthralled with my own newly shaved head slick and prickly— my own red and navy beanie dutifully perched atop. John Lee and I did not know then that we would become roommates and stay on at the University for an extra three years, just so we could have even more good times together. Law school would be a small price to pay for stretching out our college shenanigans. As for me, I had resolved from our first meeting that here was one guy I definitely had to get to know; that I surely and positively accomplished.

He and Buck Benton became my best friends. You can bet your boots that I know what I’m talking about when I tell you itwas a barrel of fun from that first day until our last -- Graduation.

I quickly learned John Lee’s motto –Everyday a holiday and every night a rendezvous suited the three of us perfectly. He was definitely one helluva brobdignagianal fellow: a true Southern gentleman, the epitome of the old Souf His blond hair was long but almost neatly plastered down. His slow way of speaking was more Southern than the usual Southern drawl, and it belied his quick, lively intelligence. His big blue eyes seemed to reflect his innermost thoughts, which were usually categorized as XXX rated. John Lee, always laughingly, told everyone, I have a double major, Pre-law and Raising hell, but definitely not in that order.

His theme song was, Oh, it’s not for knowledge that I came to college, but to raise hell while I’m here.

During the years I have known him; I have found him to be: myopic, (living for today) untiring, virile, garrulous, jocular, and totally lovable. John Lee was all of those and more. Being the true and loyal Southern gentleman that he was, John Lee pledged Kappa Alpha, of course. KA was the most Southern social fraternity of all. Founded just after the Civil War by General Robert E. Lee at the University of Virginia, it was the epitome of Southern decadence camouflaged with chivalry and mint juleps. Quickly after we arrived on campus, all of us newly inducted Kappa Alpha pledges, scrambled to group together so we could room in the same dorm. Quite naturally and by his design and choosing, John Lee’s room became the epicenter of all of our activities. It was definitely where all the action was

With a voice that was full of concern and a forehead furrowed deeply, he said to me our third day on campus, Thom (pronounced in the strictest of acceptable Southern dialect—THOAM), I have been summoned to the Dean’s office. What on earth would the Dean of Men want with po’ lil ole me?

I was anxiously waiting out in the hall for him to come out of the meeting. When he did, he told me the Dean had put his room on probation.

You mean ‘YOU’ are on probation? I corrected him authoritatively, sure that he had misunderstood the seriousness of his predicament arising after only three days on campus.

No, definitely not, I’m only on probation when I’m in my room and everyone else is on probation too, immediately when they walk into my room. But when they walk out of the room, they are no longer on probation.

That’s crazy, why it’s…it’s…

You damn tootin’, John Lee said. It’s aberrant, freaky, and deviates from all sane and normal procedures. I told the Dean that’s about as Kookie as it gets. Why Dean, that’s really a kooky, oukie, numero uno."

John Lee bellowed out laughing throwing his head and shoulders back like a strutting ostrich.

The Dean expounded, ‘It has to be aberrant, John Lee, for you, son, are the most aberrant student that ever entered this University.

I asked if the Dean laughed when he said all of that. John Lee confessed, Well kinda, sorta. I knew the Dean had to be dumbfounded after a meeting with John Lee and all his jabberwocky. What else could he be but hopelessly and totally discombobulated? Dean Bennett had met the one and only John Lee Cooper a ra ra avis of the primal order. Yes, the Dean had met our Mr. Piffle. Doubtless he had been indoctrinated.

CHAPTER 2

The richest lady in the state of Mississippi was Linda Rainey; fortunately her late husband had been a KA. When he ‘passed’ on to a probably lesser reward than what all he possessed while on earth, she