Train Ride to Destiny: A Time to Laugh, a Time to Cry

By Zeena Marie Grace

This book has it all -- Drama! Romance! Comedy! Crime! Tears and fears! It is the story of my life -- from the gory to the glory the glory of Christ and His merciful salvation! Between these covers you will see both victory and defeat in my bumpy journey that has brought me to all-out surrender to Christ.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 19, 2014
• ISBN: 9781491873045

Zeena Marie Grace

I am an ambassador of Christ as is each one of us who embrace Him and represent His cause. When I think of an ambassador, I think of someone far more noble than myself, but because of Christ’s shed blood, I am made worthy to proclaim His glorious gospel. He is my reputation, my identity, my righteousness. Without Him I am lost without a Shepherd, but with Him I am an over comer, an heir, and a child of Almighty God. And as long as I shall live on this earth, with every breath that is within me, I want to proclaim the good news of His salvation to all who will listen. I want to hear the heart’s cry of others. I want your needs to become my prayers.

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© 2014 Zeena Marie Grace. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse   05/15/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-7305-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-7304-5 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

ABOUT THE COVER

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

INTRODUCTION

ABUNDANT PARDON

VESSELS OF HONOR

CHAPTER 1: THE DEATH OF ONE’S INVINCIBLE

FATHER SEEMED TO INDICATE THAT LIFE WAS INDEED FRAGILE, UNPREDICTABLE, AND HELD NO GUARANTEES.

CHAPTER 2: HOW PEACEFUL HE LOOKED—HOW

SERENE. YET, IT MADE ME SHUDDER! HIS BODY

LIE STIFF AND MOTIONLESS, A STARK CONTRAST

TO THE DAD I REMEMBERED.

CHAPTER 3: ONE DAY A HANDSOME STRANGER

WALKED THROUGH GRANDMA ANDERSON’S DOOR.

THIS IS YOUR NEW DAD, MOM ANNOUNCED.

CHAPTER 4: I WOULD CLOSE MY EYES AND TRY TO

FALL ASLEEP QUICKLY. I DARED NOT OPEN THEM

CONVINCED THAT IF I GLANCED TOWARD THE LIVING ROOM, MY FATHER’S COFFIN WOULD REAPPEAR AND START MOVING TOWARD ME.

CHAPTER 5: I VIEWED MYSELF AS A LEFTOVER

FROM A FAMILY WHICH NO LONGER EXISTED.

CHAPTER 6: AS I TOOK NOTE OF WHO WAS IN MY

CORNER ROOTING FOR ME, I WAS ALWAYS

COMFORTED BY THOUGHTS OF MY GRANDMA

ANDERSON.

CHAPTER 7: I DIDN’T GROW UP WANTING TO BE A

TRANSGRESSOR. I GREW UP WANTING TO BE

JUST LIKE GRANDMA—A BELIEVER IN

JESUS CHRIST.

CHAPTER 8: COOKIE CRIME SCENE IN

MIDWAY, MICHIGAN!

CHAPTER 9: THE CHILLS & THRILLS OF MOVING

TO PLEASANTVILLE, MICHIGAN: IT WAS THERE IN

PLEASANTVILLE THAT I LEARNED EVERYTHING

FROM TAP DANCING TO STEERING MY BIKE WITHOUT TOUCHING THE HANDLE BARS.

CHAPTER 10: ON THE DAY THAT WE WERE TO BOARD THE BUS AND EMBARK ON OUR TRIP TO TELEVISION LAND I OVERSLEPT.

CHAPTER 11: THE WATER BEGAN TO GO OVER MY HEAD. I KNEW I WAS GOING TO DROWN!

CHAPTER 12: FAMILY TRIPS TO GRANDMA WARNER’S FARM: OFTEN, AS WE WERE WASHING

DISHES, WE COULD LOOK OUT THE WINDOW

AND SEE BEAUTIFUL SUNSETS AND SILHOUETTES

OF DEER UP ON TOP OF THE HILL BEHIND

GRANDMA’S HOUSE.

STEPPING STONES OF PAIN

CHAPTER 13: THE PROBLEM WITH FANTASIES IS

THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO RETURN THROUGH

THE DOOR OF REALITY—AND REALITY

INCLUDES PAIN.

CHAPTER 14: MOVING TO SOUTHWESTERN

MICHIGAN (GOOD BYE CIVILIZATION, HELLO WILDERNESS, SNAKES, FIRE FLIES, & CRICKETS)

CHAPTER 15: I KNEW THAT WHAT I WAS ABOUT

TO SAY TO MY FRENCH TEACHER, A SPINSTER,

WOULD NOT GO WELL FOR ME BUT

I COULDN’T RESIST.

CHAPTER 16: I COULD BARELY GET THE WORDS

OUT OF MY MOUTH AS I TOLD MY STEPFATHER

THE REGRETTABLE NEWS. "I… I… HIT

A POLICE CAR," I SAID… .

CHAPTER 17: LOVESTRUCK TEENAGERS: DON

AND I SAT TOGETHER ON GRANDMA’S FRONT

PORCH AS HE DESCRIBED HIS "LOVE AT

FIRST SIGHT" FEELINGS.

CHAPTER 18: MOVING TO VAN HEIGHTS—BUSY ROADS, MOON-LIT NIGHTS & NEON LIGHTS

CHAPTER 19: PERRY (JERRY’S BROTHER) WAS MISSING THE BRAKES OF SELF CONTROL THAT

MOST PEOPLE HAVE. HE GOT UP ON THE TABLE

AND KICKED THE THANKSGIVING DAY TURKEY.

IT WENT FLYING LIKE A FOOTBALL AND MADE

A TOUCH DOWN! (WHO SAYS COOKED TURKEYS

CAN’T FLY?)

CHAPTER 20: ON THE WAY HOME EDDIE TRIED TO KISS ME. I PANICKED AND JUMPED OUT OF HIS CAR. THEN I RAN AND HID BEHIND SOME BUSHES NOT FAR FROM MY PLACE. SOON IT GOT AROUND SCHOOL THAT I WAS WEIRD.

CHAPTER 21: CAREER WORLD, HERE I COME!

CHAPTER 22: ‘CUDA CRUNCH: THE IMPACT OF

THE ACCIDENT CAUSED MY HAIRPIECE TO FLY OFF MY HEAD. APPARENTLY, IT WAS ORIGINALLY BELIEVED THAT I

HAD BEEN DECAPITATED!

GARMENTS OF GLORY (A song of praise)

CHAPTER 23: ACCEPTING CHRIST AS MY LORD &

SAVIOR! WITHOUT HESITATION, I PRAYED THE

SINNER’S PRAYER INVITING JESUS INTO MY HEART.

CHAPTER 24: A WOLF IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING (A FALSE DECEIVER IN RELIGIOUS APPAREL)

CHAPTER 25: MY DEAREST FRIENDS

CHAPTER 26: MOM’S WORDS HIT ME LIKE A BOMB! THE ONE THING THAT I HAD ALWAYS PRIDED MYSELF IN HAVING WAS HER APPROVAL.

FROM PEBBLE TO PEARL

CHAPTER 27: OUR NEW BOYFRIENDS TOLD US TO PUT OUT OR GET OUT!

CHAPTER 28: "I HOPE YOU’RE NOT THE TWIN

BROTHER OF A SERIAL KILLER," I TEASED.

OTHERWISE, I MIGHT HAVE TO GET ROUGH WITH YOU.

CHAPTER 29: THE GUILT-RIDDEN RAPIST: ROSS RUSHED TOWARD ME. HE YANKED ME BY MY ARM AND PUSHED ME OVER ON HIS HARD WOOD FLOOR. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT! HE YELLED. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT!

CHAPTER 30: HOMELESS & HELPLESS

CHAPTER 31: ONE NIGHT GREG APPEARED WITH A SIGN ON HIS SHINY BLACK CUSTOMIZED TRUCK THAT SAID, CASHING THIS IN ON A BEAUTIFUL WIFE. I WASN’T SURE IF THAT WAS A PROPOSAL SO I LAUGHED WHEN I SAW IT.

CHAPTER 32: GARY, THE GUN-TOTING RAPIST:

SUDDENLY, HE GRABBED MY HAIR IN AN ANGRY

FIT. YOU LITTLE TEASE! HE SHOUTED. GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR OF MY CAR AND KEEP YOUR EYES SHUT!

CHAPTER 33: ALONG WITH MY LANDLADY’S

MEAN STREAK CAME A PITCHFORK AND A FEW SHARP FANGS.

CHAPTER 34: MY CLOSEST FRIEND & CONSTANT COMPANION—BULIMIA. AT FIRST I LIKED MY NEW HOBBY. IT REPLACED THE HUBBY

I DIDN’T HAVE. BUT LATER I STARTED TO

REALIZE THAT, IRONICALLY, BARFING MY GUTS OUT WAS BECOMING AS DANGEROUS AS DATING!

CHAPTER 35: I STARTED TAKING THE BAGS OF VOMIT FROM MY OFFICE OUT TO MY CAR AND DISPOSING OF THEM ON THE WAY HOME.

CHAPTER 36: SUNKEN TREASURES IN THE SALAD BOWL

CHAPTER 37: FABIAN THE BACK SEAT RAPIST: BY NOW I HAD SUCH LITTLE SELF WORTH THAT IT DIDN’T EVEN SEEM LIKE A CRIME.

CHAPTER 38: ENGAGEMENT RING OR

ENRAGE-MENT RING?

CHAPTER 39: SPEND THAT MONEY ON YOURSELF,

THE DEVIL SUGGESTED. THE LORD WON’T EVEN MISS IT. I PICKED UP THE ENVELOPE CONTAINING MY TITHE AND OFFERING MONEY AND STUCK IT IN MY PURSE!

CHAPTER 40: KEVIN THE KILLER? OR KEVIN THE KIDDER?

CHAPTER 41: DIRTY DEALIN’ DUSTIN

CHAPTER 42: UNEXPECTED VISITOR

CHAPTER 43: MOVING TO GREENER PASTURES

CHAPTER 44: TOM, MY NOT-TO-BE HUSBAND: HI TOM, I SAID, STEPPING ONTO THE PORCH AS HE TURNED TO FACE ME. IMMEDIATELY,

HE WRAPPED HIS ARMS AROUND ME. MMMMM, YOU SMELL GOOD, HE SAID, SQUEEZING ME TIGHTLY.

CHAPTER 45: MY FIRST HUSBAND, LESTER (MARRIED: 1973; ANNULED: 1974) LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW OF THE JET, I WAS MESMERIZED. I FELT LIKE I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD! I BECAME SO ABSORBED IN MY OWN THOUGHTS

THAT, EXCEPT FOR THE FAINT MONOTONE OF

LESTER’S VOICE, I HAD ALMOST FORGOTTEN HE WAS SITTING NEXT TO ME.

CHAPTER 46: LESTER WAS WILLING TO GIVE ME EVERYTHING FROM HIS SHOULDER TO CRY ON TO HIS CREDIT CARDS, STOCKS, AND BONDS.

CHAPTER 47: AS LESTER AND I ENTERED THE EMPTY CHAPEL TO WED, IT SEEMED MORE LIKE I WAS GOING TO A FUNERAL. I STOOD BESIDE HIM IN NUMB DENIAL AS LIFELESS AS A MANNEQUIN

CHAPTER 48: I SPENT MY HONEYMOON WITH A STRANGER WANDERING AROUND AIMLESSLY.

CHAPTER 49: TOM’S HEARTBREAKING DISCOVERY: TOM, I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER BETWEEN US, I REPLIED, SO I GOT MARRIED. TOM BURST OUT LAUGHING. YEAH, RIGHT, HE SAID, TEASING. I’VE BEEN TRYING TO MARRY YOU MYSELF FOR OVER TWO YEARS AND I CAN BARELY EVEN GET A KISS.

CHAPTER 50: I FELT LIKE THE BRIDE OF

FRANKENSTEIN!

CHAPTER 51: LESTER PACED BACK AND FORTH ANGRILY. SUDDENLY, HIS FIST HIT THE WALL!

CHAPTER 52: ZEENA DEAR, A CO-WORKER SAID, MY SON NEEDS A WIFE AND I THINK YOU WILL DO JUST FINE.

CHAPTER 53: YOU HAVE SHATTERED ALL THE DREAMS I HAD FOR YOU, MOM ADMITTED, AFTER MEETING MY HUSBAND, LESTER.

CHAPTER 54: I PONDERED ALL THE DIFFERENT

WAYS TO DIE. FINALLY, I DECIDED ON HANGING.

CHAPTER 55: MY SHIP WAS ABOUT TO HIT THE

FIRST ICEBERG SO FAR AS MY PERFECT PLAN WAS CONCERNED.

CHAPTER 56: I HOPED CHEATING HEART SONGS

WOULD NOT BE PLAYING ON THE RADIO BECAUSE ANYTHING COULD SET LESTER OFF.

CHAPTER 57: LESTER PULLED A BEER BOTTLE OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR AND BUSTED IT ON THE COUNTER. THEN HE STARTED TOWARD ME WITH THE JAGGED END!

CHAPTER 58: "I’LL PULL HER HAIR OUT BY

ITS BLACK ROOTS!"

CHAPTER 59: MY SECOND HUSBAND, BART & I

TIE THE KNOT (MARRIED: 1975; DIVORCED: 1980)

I WANT A DECENT GIRL TO SETTLE DOWN WITH. GIVE ME A CHANCE, HE COAXED. THAT’S ALL I’M ASKING FOR IS A CHANCE."

CHAPTER 60: "OPEN YOUR DOOR OR

I’LL BREAK IT DOWN!" BART SHOUTED.

CHAPTER 61: "I WANT TO SEE YOU AND

I’M GOING TO SEE YOU WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR BROTHER!"

CHAPTER 62: ATTENTION EVERYONE! GET IT YOURSELF! I QUIT!

CHAPTER 63: IT WAS A HIT-AND-RUN ACCIDENT!

MICKEY WAS LYING ON THE ROAD INJURED!

CHAPTER 64: ONE OF THE MEN WHO WAS PRESENT

IN OUR BIBLE STUDY WANTED ME TO RECEIVE THE BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT WITH THE EVIDENCE OF SPEAKING IN TONGUES SO HE LAID HIS HANDS ON MY HEAD. RECEIVE! HE TOLD ME. HE CONTINUED PRESSING ON MY HEAD WITH SUCH FORCE THAT I WAS AFRAID HE WAS GOING TO SPRAIN MY NECK!

CHAPTER 65: "DROP THAT GOSPEL TRACT AND

YOU’LL DROP RIGHT ALONG WITH IT!"

BART TOLD THE SPECTATOR.

CHAPTER 66: BART BECOMES MY SECOND HUSBAND. LET’S GET MARRIED NEXT WEEK,

HE SAID, ON MY DAY OFF.

CHAPTER 67: SOMETHING ILLEGAL IS HAPPENING HERE! I THOUGHT TO MYSELF.

CHAPTER 68: BART! I EXCLAIMED, SHOOK UP,

JUNIOR IS GONE!

CHAPTER 69: "HE’S SPYING ON ME WITH

HIS BINOCULARS!"

CHAPTER 70: BART’S BROTHER, LONNIE WAS SLAPPING HIS WIFE UP! IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! BART GROWLED. THAT’S MY BROTHER AND WE’RE FAMILY!

CHAPTER 71: THE AUDACITY OF A LOW-LIFE HOME WRECKER LIKE YOU! I RANTED.

CHAPTER 72: SUDDENLY, HE WAS HANGING

FROM THE BULB AND HIS BODY WAS

TWITCHING VIOLENTLY!

CHAPTER 73: KISS OF DEATH!: MY HUSBAND IS AN EX CON! HE WOULD KILL ME OVER THIS! I TOLD HIM. AND HE WOULD NEVER BELIEVE THAT I DIDN’T ENTICE YOU.

CHAPTER 74: PREACH IT, SISTER! YELLED

MY DRUNKEN HUSBAND, BART, IN THE

SANCTUARY.

CHAPTER 75: BART GRABBED ME BY MY BLOUSE RIPPING IT DOWN THE FRONT AND KNOCKING ME TO THE FLOOR.

CHAPTER 76: WHAT WILL YOU HAVE TODAY? A VERY ATTRACTIVE WAITRESS ASKED AFTER SHE HAD SEATED US ONE DAY. I’LL HAVE AN ORDER OF YOU TO GO! BART EXCLAIMED, CHUCKLING.

CHAPTER 77: "I’D LOVE TO CUT YOU UP

AND SEND THE PIECES TO YOUR DADDY!"

BART LAUGHED.

CHAPTER 78: THE BACK OF HIS HEAD LOOKED LIKE A RECTANGLE AND LIE IN A POOL OF BLOOD! AND JAGGED EDGES OF HANGING SKIN SURROUNDED HIS FACE.

CHAPTER 79: MY MOTHER-IN-LAW WAS DEAD—A NOOSE WAS AROUND HER NECK AND SHE WAS HANGING FROM A TREE!

CHAPTER 80: CALL THE POLICE! I’M GOING TO BE SHOT!

CHAPTER 81: ARE YOU HIS GRANDMOTHER? I ASKED. NO, SHE REPLIED, I’M HIS WIFE.

CHAPTER 82: I DON’T CARE IF YOU GET STUNG A HUNDRED TIMES, BART YELLED, YOU GET THOSE RINGS OUT OF THAT DUMPSTER!

CHAPTER 83: DARK SECRETS BETWEEN ME AND MY ACCOMPLICE

CHAPTER 84: ZEENA, MY CO-WORKER WHISPERED. YOUR HUSBAND, BART, IS ON THE PHONE AND HE’S ASKING ME FOR A DATE.

CHAPTER 85: THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL: THE ORDERLIES CAME IN BLINDING WHITE UNIFORMS AND TOOK ME AWAY.

WHEN FAMILY DID FORSAKE ME

CHAPTER 86: SARAH SAID SHE WAS PREGNANT AND I THREW UP ALL OVER THE FLOOR!

CHAPTER 87: YOU’RE NOT HAVING THAT KID,

MY HUSBAND THREATENED. "I’LL KICK YOU

IN THE GUT!"

CHAPTER 88: I HAD WAITED SO LONG TO GET

PREGNANT. I JUST COULDN’T HAVE

A MISCARRIAGE!

CHAPTER 89: STICKING A PIN IN

TINA’S BALLOON

CHAPTER 90: THAT IS NOT MY CHILD, I SHRIEKED! YOU BROUGHT THE WRONG BABY!

CHAPTER 91: GOING WITH NO REGRETS BUT

A LOT OF THREATS: "IF YOU LEAVE AND THIS

PLACE IS AWARDED TO YOU," MY HUSBAND,

BART, WARNED, "I’LL BOMB THE HOUSE

WITH YOU IN IT!"

CHAPTER 92: "I MAY KILL YOU, THE OLD LADY,

AND THE KID, BART THREATENED, AND SPLATTER YOUR BLOOD ALL OVER THE WALLS!"

CHAPTER 93: BART LEFT TO GO GET CIGARETTES.

WHILE HE WAS GONE I DECIDED TO TAKE A

QUICK PEEK IN HIS DRESSER DRAWERS. WHEN

I PULLED OPEN THE BOTTOM DRAWER, I KNEW

THAT IT HAD BEEN A MISTAKE TO COME. IN IT

WERE THREE IDENTICAL BOXES WITH THREE

IDENTICAL CARDS. ONE HAD MY NAME ON IT.

THE OTHER TWO BORE OTHER WOMEN’S

NAMES. THEY ALL READ, "TO THE

LOVE OF MY LIFE… ."

CHAPTER 94: SKIP, THE IMPATIENT RAPIST

CHAPTER 95: DERBY, MY NOT-TO-BE-HUSBAND: GET OUT, DERBY! I HOLLERED WITHOUT

ANY ADVANCE NOTICE.

CHAPTER 96: MRS. KINNY’S SISTERS HAD GOTTEN WIND OF WHAT WAS GOING ON AT THE HOUSE OF THEIR DEMENTED SISTER SO FAR AS MEN STREAMING IN AND OUT. THREE OF THEM CAME OVER TO GIVE ME A LECTURE. THEY THREATENED TO CALL THEIR BROTHER, GRADY, AND LET HIM KNOW ABOUT THE CARRYINGS ON IN THE HOUSEHOLD. I COULDN’T HELP BUT BE AMUSED AT THE TIME. THEY WERE GOING TO INFORM HIM ABOUT MY ACTIVITIES AND WHAT THEY DIDN’T KNOW, WAS THAT HE, HIMSELF, WAS ONE OF THE ACTIVITIES!

CHAPTER 97: DINNER WITH THE MAYOR

CHAPTER 98: WANTED: CANDY, FLOWERS,

AND EXTRAVAGANT GIFTS AND I’LL MAKE YOU VERY HAPPY!

CHAPTER 99: CLIMBING IN BED WITH MY NOT-TO-BE HUSBAND, JEFF

CHAPTER 100: I WAS SO STUNNED BY MARVIN’S PROPOSAL THAT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO

THINK SO I MADE A JOKE OF IT. "LET’S WAIT

TIL HALLOWEEN, I SAID. I’LL DRESS UP AS A

BRIDE AND YOU CAN DRESS UP AS A GROOM. THEN I LAUGHED NERVOUSLY. BUT MARVIN WAS SERIOUS. ZEENA, I’M NOT JOKING, HE SAID, I MEAN IT. MY FEELINGS ARE SINCERE. I WANT TO MARRY YOU."

CHAPTER 101: I TRIED NOT TO ENVISION THE

UNTHINKABLE—THE HORROR OF MY LITTLE DAUGHTER AND NEPHEW BEING KIDNAPPED AND NEVER COMING BACK HOME.

CHAPTER 102: YOU’LL HAVE TO SWEEP THIS (THE NEWS OF MY BABY BOY’S ARRIVAL) UNDER THE RUG, JEFF’S MOTHER SAID.

CHAPTER 103: FROM BARBER TO BRIDE: MY THIRD HUSBAND, MARVIN & I GET HITCHED

(MARRIED: 1983; DIVORCED: 1989)

CHAPTER 104: SUDDENLY, MARVIN LOST ALL CONTROL AND PICKED UP A BADLY WORN FEATHER PILLOW ON OUR COUCH. HE BEGAN SMACKING ME WITH IT. WHEN MARVIN HIT ME WITH THE PILLOW, IT BURST IN TWO CREATING A BLIZZARD—A WHITE OUT! FEATHERS WERE FLYING EVERYWHERE LIKE A FOX THAT HAD JUST ENTERED A CHICKEN COOP!

CHAPTER 105: MARVIN HAD ANGER ISSUES WITH ONE OF HIS BROTHERS. WHEN THE

PASTOR SUGGESTED HE BURY THE HATCHET,

HE REFUSED TO DO SO. "THE ONLY HATCHET

I’LL BURY IS IN HIS HEAD!" HE TOLD THE

MINISTER VENGEFULLY.

CHAPTER 106: MARVIN, I TOLD HIM ONE AFTERNOON, I THINK I NEED TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL. THE BABY IS COMING! BUT WHEN WE ARRIVED, WE WERE TOLD THAT THERE WAS NO ROOM AVAILABLE SO I HAD TO LIE ON THE HOSPITAL FLOOR.

CHAPTER 107: VENEREAL VISITOR STOPS BY TO LEAVE AN UNWANTED GIFT: DURING THOSE TIMES WE WERE SEPARATED, MARVIN WAS APPARENTLY SEEING OTHER WOMEN AND BRINGING THEIR DISEASES HOME TO ME.

CHAPTER 108: MARVIN LIFTED THE END OF THE CHURCH PEW WITH ALL OF THE CHILDREN ON IT AND LET IT DROP. THERE! HE YELLED. THAT’LL SHAKE SOME SENSE INTO YOU!

CHAPTER 109: AMY, A NIECE OF MY FRIEND, POLLY, WAS ON DEATH ROW. SHE WAS DYING TO SELF AND COMING ALIVE TO CHRIST!

CHAPTER 110: MARVIN’S BOSS DESPISED MY FAITH. YOU AND YOUR BLOODY RELIGION! SHE YELLED. I WANT NO PART OF IT!

CHAPTER 111: MOM, WHY IS IT NIGHT TIME OUT THIS WINDOW BUT DAY TIME OUT THAT WINDOW? MY OLDEST SON, MATTHEW, ASKED POINTING AT THE WINDOW ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM. I GLANCED OVER AT THE WINDOW WONDERING WHAT HE MEANT. SUDDENLY, I SAW IT—A BLAZING FIRE AT THE CRACK HOUSE NEXT DOOR! IT HAD LIT UP THE WINDOW LIKE A BRILLIANT LIGHT. THEN I HEARD GUN SHOTS!

CHAPTER 112: PANTYHOSE TELLING ON YOU!

CHAPTER 113: ONE NIGHT MARVIN WAS LYING ON THE COUCH WATCHING TELEVISION AND

EATING POTATO CHIPS AND DIP. OUR SON,

JOHNNY, ASKED FOR A SECOND HELPING OF DIP. YOU WANT MORE DIP? MARVIN GROWLED ANGRILY. HE GRABBED HIM AND RUBBED HIS FACE IN IT.

CHAPTER 114: JUST AS I WAS PUTTING THE LAST PAN IN THE DISH DRAINER, I GLANCED OUTSIDE TO SEE THE FUN. WHAT I SAW, HOWEVER, WAS ANYTHING BUT FUN! IN FACT, IT WAS SHOCKING AND TERRIFYING! MARVIN WAS SLOSHING MISTY UP AND DOWN IN THE POOL LIKE A RAG DOLL SUBMERGING HER HEAD UNDER WATER! HE SAID IT WAS TO TEACH HER A LESSON FOR SCRATCHING HIM.

CHAPTER 115: MOVING AGAIN WHERE SATAN WAS ALREADY WAITING WITH MORE TERRIFYING SURPRISES!

CHAPTER 116: IT WOULD REALLY TAKE A STRONG MAN TO SIGN UP FOR ALL YOUR BAGGAGE, MY FRIEND TOLD ME. WHAT SHE DIDN’T KNOW WAS THAT HER HUSBAND WAS READY AND WILLING TO DO IT!

MY FRAGMENTED HEART

CHAPTER 117: I CAN’T FIND MY SON! I YELLED, FRANTICALLY, PLEADING WITH STRANGERS FOR HELP.

CHAPTER 118: "EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM

IS GOING TO DIE… ."

HEAVEN IS LAVISH BUT HELL IS LAVA-ISH

HELL’S SHOCKING SENSATIONS

HELL IS A TRAGIC ENDING

HELL IS LIKE A GHOST TOWN

CHAPTER 119: HAIR-RAISING HAMSTER!

CHAPTER 120: MY FOURTH HUSBAND, REED, &

I ARE UNITED IN HOLY MATRIMONY (MARRIED: 1992; DIVORCED: 1994)

CHAPTER 121: "DON’T YOU EVER SLAP MY SON,

MATTHEW, LIKE THAT AGAIN!" I TOLD REED.

"OR I’LL MAKE YOU HISTORY SO QUICK IT’LL

MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN!"

CHAPTER 122: LISTEN, REED ARGUED. WE’RE NOT HAVING CHURCH FOR HEAVEN’S SAKES. WE’RE HAVING SEX! HE WENT ON TO SAY THAT GOD DID NOT COME BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. WE’RE IN THE SOULISH REALM, HE SAID. HE WANTED ME TO TALK AND ACT LIKE SOME CHEAP WHORE.

CHAPTER 123: MOM! MOM! MY STEPDAUGHTER

HOLLERED, LOOKING OUT THE BACK WINDOW, THE BOYS SET THE WOODS ON FIRE!

CHAPTER 124: MOVING DOWNSTATE WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE CRIMINALS AND CALAMITIES. I KNEW MY SON,

MATTHEW’S INJURY WAS LIFE THREATENING AND THAT I NEEDED TO GET HIM TO THE

EMERGENCY UNIT RIGHT AWAY!

CHAPTER 125: MY EXTRA BIBLE THAT I KEPT ON MY DASH HAD BEEN RIPPED UP. THE PAGES

HAD BEEN TORN OUT AND PASTED IN EGG ON

THE TOP OF MY CAR… .

CHAPTER 126: SUDDENLY, THEY WERE ROLLING

ON THE GROUND—NOT THE GLASSES—BUT MATTHEW AND THE PRINCIPAL!

CHAPTER 127: "MAMA, I SEE A MAN WITH A

BLACK MASK OUTSIDE!" MY DAUGHTER WHISPERED, TREMBLING.

CHAPTER 128: IT WAS LIKE PULLING TEETH TO GET THE PASTOR ON BOARD WITH THE BIBLE-

BASED PLAY. I KNEW, THOUGH, THAT IF I COULD

JUST GET THOSE KIDS IN CHURCH, SOME OF THEM MIGHT KEEP COMING. SOME MIGHT EVEN INVITE JESUS CHRIST INTO THEIR HEART AND LIFE!

CHAPTER 129: RYAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I SAID IN SHOCK. I’M A MARRIED WOMAN! . . . . YOU SHOULDN’T BE WITH REED, HE SAID. "YOU SHOULD BE WITH ME.

WE BELONG TOGETHER—THE FOUR OF US—MATTHEW AND JOHNNY, YOU AND ME."

CHAPTER 130: MAYBE IT’S TIME TO TAKE RYAN UP ON HIS OFFER, I DECIDED.

CHAPTER 131: YOU PRUNE-FACED, WRINKLED UP CHILD MOLESTER! MY MOTHER-IN-LAW SNARLED (BECAUSE OF THE HUGE AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RYAN AND ME) YOU SHOULD HAVE A MILLSTONE HUNG AROUND YOUR NECK AND BE DROWNED.

CHAPTER 132: RYAN PROPOSES: SUDDENLY, I SPOTTED IT! A DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING ON THE TAIL OF THE SHRIMP!

CHAPTER 133: RYAN, MY FIFTH HUSBAND, AND I WALK DOWN THE AISLE TO BE WED (MARRIED: 1994; DIVORCED: 1995) ONLY A SMALL HANDFUL OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY

WOULD BE REPRESENTING MY SIDE BECAUSE,

BY THIS TIME—WITH FOUR FAILED MARRIAGES

BEHIND ME AND A COUPLE LIVE-IN RELATIONSHIPS—NO ONE WAS EVEN TAKING MY WEDDING VOWS SERIOUSLY. TO THEM IT WAS JUST ANOTHER CHARADE.

CHAPTER 134: "RYAN, WHERE’S THAT BEAUTIFUL

BLUE WOVEN WEDDING BASKET THAT WAS GIVEN TO US? I ASKED HIM. OH, THAT? HE ANSWERED NONCHALANTLY, "MOM LIKED IT.

SHE ASKED IF SHE COULD HAVE IT SO I GAVE

IT TO HER. YOU WHAT?" I SHRIEKED, MY JAW

DROPPING IN DISBELIEF. "YOU GAVE AWAY ONE

OF OUR WEDDING GIFTS WITHOUT EVEN

CONSULTING ME?"

CHAPTER 135: NOT LONG AFTER RYAN AND I WERE MARRIED, HE ANNOUNCED THAT HIS SIX FOOT PYTHON SNAKES WOULD BE SHARING A ROOM WITH MY SONS.

CHAPTER 136: AS RYAN, THE BOYS, AND I TOOK OFF FOR OUR TRIP TO YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WE

WERE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. ANYONE SEEING

US WOULD NOT HAVE GUESSED THAT WE WERE ALREADY PLANNING OUR SPLIT.

CHAPTER 137: BRUCE, THE SNOW—

SHOVELING RAPIST

CHAPTER 138: A BONFIRE BLAST THAT TURNED INTO A BONFIRE BUST!

IN THE TWINKLING OF AN EYE!

I’M STANDING HERE ON THE CRYSTAL SEA

HE SHALL COME LIKE A THIEF

OCCUPY ’TIL HE COMES

CHAPTER 139: THE NEXT MORNING I DREADED GOING IN TO WORK. AS SOON AS I WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR, MY BOSS WAS THERE TO GREET ME. GOOD MORNING PIG—OINKER, HE SAID. I COULD HARDLY BELIEVE MY EARS! NEVER HAD I BEEN SUBJECTED TO SUCH AN OFFENSIVE REMARK BY AN EMPLOYER. AT THAT TIME, I BARELY WEIGHED MORE THAN 105 LBS.!

CHAPTER 140: I WONDERED IF SOME OF THE

OTHER EMPLOYEES WERE PEERING THROUGH

THE WINDOW TO TAKE ONE LAST LOOK AT

THE FALLEN SOLDIER.

OVERDUE

MY RESUME’

CHAPTER 141: OF ALL PLACES—AN ALTAR

CALL IN A MOVIE THEATRE?

CHAPTER 142: MAX THE MAGNIFICENT

MANIPULATOR

CHAPTER 143: MY NEIGHBOR, A DIVORCED RETIREE, APPROACHED ME WHILE I WAS OUT RAKING LEAVES. I NOTICED THAT YOU’RE A SINGLE WOMAN, HE SAID. AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO, I COULD TURN YOU INTO A MARRIED WOMAN.

CHAPTER 144: IF I COULD JUST TURN

BACK THE CLOCK…

CHAPTER 145: MOVING AWAY FROM RYAN TO MID MICHIGAN: YOU’RE TOO OLD, ZEENA, RYAN SAID, TWISTING THE KNIFE. WHY SHOULD I HAVE A ‘RENT-A-WRECK’ LIKE YOU WHEN I CAN HAVE A CADILLAC LIKE HER?

CHAPTER 146: "I HAVE JUST COOKED YOUR

LAST PIECE OF BACON! THE HOOPS YOU ARE

MAKING ME JUMP THROUGH HAVE FINALLY

GOTTEN TOO HIGH."

CHAPTER 147: MY SIXTH AND FOREVER HUSBAND, DREW: MY HANDSOME HUNK OF

HOLINESS (MARRIED: MAY 20, 2009); (DIVORCED: NO! NEVER!)

HEADLINE HAPPENINGS! READ ALL ABOUT IT! READ ALL ABOUT IT! PROPHET MARRIES PROSTITUTE

CHAPTER 148: "I’VE NEVER FELT MORE COMFORTABLE WITH ANY WOMAN IN ALL MY

LIFE, DREW SAID, HAPPILY. I DON’T WANT TO

TAKE YOU HOME."

CHAPTER 149: AFTER ALL DREW’S DECLARATIONS OF LOVE, VALENTINE’S DAY CAME AND WENT WITHOUT A PROPOSAL.

MARRIAGE VOW:

LET ME BE THE LOVE BESIDE YOU

CHAPTER 150: WE WERE TOGETHER—HUSBAND AND WIFE—AND OUR GOD, OUR MARRIAGE, OUR LOVE, AND OUR HOME SEEMED NOT ONLY A REFUGE FOR MY WEARY SOUL BUT A VACATION RESORT AS WELL.

CHAPTER 151: SUDDENLY, ONE OF OUR HEAVY COFFEE MUGS ROLLED OFF THE TOP OF THE DISH DRAINER AND LANDED ON JOSHUA’S TINY FOOT BREAKING THE BONES. JOSHUA BEGAN MAKING THE MOST BLOOD CURDLING, HEARTBREAKING CRIES!

CHAPTER 152: SUDDENLY, DREW TURNED ON THE LIGHT AND JUMPED OUT OF BED. I FEEL SOMETHING WET AND SLIMEY! HE ANNOUNCED. WE WERE BOTH SHOCKED TO DISCOVER MISTY’S DOG HAD GIVEN BIRTH TO A PUPPY RIGHT IN OUR OWN BED!

CHAPTER 153: WHEN SMOKE IS COMING OUT OF MY EARS, DREW ALWAYS HAS A DISARMING WAY ABOUT HIM. HE WILL PUT HIS HANDS ON MY SHOULDERS AND GENTLY SAY, JUST TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG, KISSY, AND I’LL FIX IT.

CHAPTER 154: THE COLD WARS: KISSY, MY HUSBAND ASKED, NERVOUSLY, ARE YOU SURE I’M GOING TO BE THE HERO OF THIS BOOK?

CHAPTER 155: "I’M GOING TO KILL MYSELF AS

SOON AS I LEAVE YOUR PLACE!" OUR FORMER

BOARDER TOLD AN ACQUAINTANCE. AND HE DID!

CHAPTER 156: I LOVE BEING MRS. DREW GRACE. MY HUBBY LOVES JESUS. HE LOVES OTHERS. AND HE LOVES ME.

CHAPTER 157: HELP ME, LORD JESUS, I’M

FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU!

HALLELUJAH SOUNDS BETTER WITH A HELPING HAND

TO THE LEAST OF THESE

ONE GLIMPSE OF CALVARY

HEAVEN’S TOP TEN CHARTS

CHAPTER 158: I HEARD A SHOT AND SAW HIM DROP TO THE GROUND! I WAS SO STUNNED AND SO STARTLED THAT I COULD HARDLY BELIEVE MY EYES! I LOOKED UP TO SEE WHO HAD SHOT HIM AND THAT’S WHEN I SAW THE KILLER AIMING HIS GUN AT ME, TOO!

‘TWAS HIS PLAN… .

CHAPTER 159: HOW TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ENTRANCE INTO HEAVEN:

CHAPTER 160: IF WE KNOW JESUS CHRIST AS OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, DEATH IS SIMPLY MOVING FROM OUR PLACE TO HIS PLACE.

EDDIE’S HOME GOING

DEEPEST GRIEF

FROM A HOSPITAL BED TO HEAVEN’S FLOWER BED

DADDY’S BOY

LOOKING AHEAD TO REUNION TIME

MISSING BUT NOT MOURNING

MEMORIES OF A MISSIONARY MOM

BRIEF WAS HER STAY UPON LIFE’S STAGE

TO DAD ON 9-11-01

REMEM BERING OUR SLAIN SOLDIERS

CHAPTER 161: FROM A PAST TO A PASTOR (EVANGELISTICALLY SPEAKING): SURELY WE ARE ALL MEANT TO MINISTER TO SOMEONE—A STRANGER, A NEIGHBOR, A FAMILY MEMBER, A CO-WORKER, OR EVEN A CHURCH MEMBER. OUR BROKEN LIVES WILL BE USED FOR HIS GLORY.

CHAPTER 162: A BUSINESS ACQUAINTANCE OF MY STEPFATHER INQUIRED AS TO WHAT I WAS WRITING. MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY, I TOLD HIM, TIMIDLY. WHAT HE SAID NEXT MADE ME WANT TO CRAWL UNDER A CHAIR AND HIDE. INTERESTING, HE REMARKED. I JUST FINISHED READING THE LIFE OF WINSTON CHURCHILL.

CHAPTER 163: THE HOLY SPIRIT TOLD ME TO NAME THE MINISTRY THE TIDAL WAVES. HE SAID, JUST AS THE FIRST FLOOD CAME TO DESTROY LIVES, THIS FLOOD WILL COME TO SAVE LIVES. FOR IT WILL BE A FLOOD OF THE GOSPEL; AND AS A FLOOD IT WILL COME TO COVER THE LAND.

CHAPTER 164: WHY COULDN’T MY CHILDREN HAVE HAD A FATHER LIKE THAT? I THOUGHT TO MYSELF NOT EVEN EXPECTING A RESPONSE

FROM THE LORD. I KNEW MY OWN FOOLISH DECISIONS WERE RESPONSIBLE. BUT JUST

THEN I HEARD FROM ABOVE. THEY DO HAVE A

FATHER LIKE THAT; AND LIKE FATHER, LIKE

SON… SUDDENLY, I REALIZED THAT GOD WAS THEIR FATHER AND THEY WOULD FOLLOW IN HIS FOOTSTEPS… .

CHAPTER 165: COINCIDENCES ARE CONFIRMATIONS OF GOD-GIVEN DESTINY. THE LORD REVEALED TO ME THROUGH THAT PASSAGE THAT I WOULD HAVE AN END TIME MINISTRY. HE TOLD ME THAT HIS ANOINTING TO DO IT WOULD ACCOMPLISH MORE THAN I HAD DONE ALL MY LIFE IN MY OWN FEEBLE EFFORTS.

CHAPTER 166: SOMEONE SUBTLY SUGGESTED THAT MY LICENSE MUST HAVE COME FROM A CEREAL BOX. THAT’S OKAY, GOD DELIVERED JONAH TO NINEVAH THROUGH A WHALE SO IF HE WANTS TO DELIVER MY ORDINATION CERTIFICATE THROUGH A CEREAL BOX THAT’S FINE WITH ME.

CHAPTER 167: "THERE’S A LION IN MY LIVING

ROOM MY SON’S FRIEND TOLD ME… YOU

REALLY DO HAVE A LION IN YOUR LIVING ROOM!"

I GASPED. WE STOOD THERE IN AWE AND WONDER WITH OUR EYES AS BIG AS SAUCERS!

CHAPER 168: I GRIPPED MY NOTES AS IF I WAS CLUTCHING THE STEERING WHEEL OF A CAR THAT WAS JUST ABOUT TO HIT A BRICK WALL! I FELT THAT OTHER MINISTERS SECRETLY VIEWED ME AS A LAUGHABLE SPECTACLE UNWORTHY OF SUCH AN HONOR. BUT THE LORD REMINDED ME OF HOW HE USED THE PUNY LUNCH OF A SMALL CHILD TO FEED THOUSANDS. LITTLE IS MUCH IN THE MASTER’S HAND, HE WHISPERED.

CHAPTER 169: ONE DAY I RECEIVED A LETTER FROM A WOMAN WHO SAID SHE LOOKED FORWARD TO HEARING MY PROGRAM EVERY WEEK—BUT NOT FOR REASONS YOU MIGHT THINK! SHE WAS BEING ENTERTAINED BY MY BLOOPERS. SHE WENT ON TO SAY THAT IT WAS LIKE A COMEDY OF ERRORS AND HOW MUCH IT MADE HER CHUCKLE.

CHAPTER 170: I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND WHY THE LORD WOULD HAVE ME NAME MY MINISTRY THE TIDAL WAVES AND THEN LEAVE IT AS DRY AS A DESERT!

A VESSEL I’M MAKING

GOD TAKES US…

FROM A WEED TO A REED

IN CLOSING… .

ABOUT THE COVER

For those who might wonder about the train on the front cover… . It’s not just a freight train! My husband, Drew, who is a rail fan informed me that there used to be mixed trains that carried both passengers and freight. It was a common practice to put a couple of freight cars behind the locomotive but ahead of the passenger cars. The lady in the picture is about to board one of the passenger cars. But little does she realize where it will take her!

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

First, and foremost, I humbly thank our Lord Jesus for His Word, His Blood, and His Spirit. I am at a loss for words to adequately express how much His unfailing love, grace, and mercy have meant to me. But, perhaps, I can sum it up it these three scriptures:

Colossians 3:4: . . . . Christ, who is our [my] life . . . .

Galatians 2:20: I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

II Corinthians 9:15: Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift.

I also thank my beloved husband, Drew, for his gentleness, patience, and unconditional love. He has been a human refuge for my soul. I love him so very much. Drew is full of enthusiasm for marriage, music, the outdoors, sports, and, of course, the Lord. Faith, friends, family, football, and our fur balls (pets) are his passion. He is a kind and wonderful man. I am proud to have him for my husband.

Drew and I have three Chihuahuas living with us—two chocolate pupcakes named Moses Shamma and Joshua Java, and one vanilla pupcake named Buster Belteshazzar.

I thank my beloved, amazing, awesome children, their mates, and my grandchildren, whose true identity will remain anonymous in this book. I could give you a list of their honorable accomplishments but that is not what I would want you to remember about them. What I would want imbedded in your mind is that they love God, love others, and love us. To me, love for Christ and love for others is the greatest thing that they can offer to society. They mean far more than words could ever say and I have the deepest love for them.

I would be remiss in not mentioning other family members and friends whose lives have inspired and impacted my own—some briefly and some who are still a big part of my life.

My mother’s faith has inspired my own! Always, she is watching and eagerly waiting for the Lord’s return and anxious to share Christ and help others. And my brothers and their wives… well, there wouldn’t be enough paper to cover all that they, too, have done to show their genuine, unconditional love. They have been a listening ear, a helping hand, and a source of laughter and healing to my heart. During the difficult years that I was alone and struggling to make ends meet, they helped me consistently. I will never forget all their cards, handwritten notes, calls, visits, groceries, gifts, cars, and heartfelt concern. I can never thank my mom, my brothers and their wives enough. I am truly grateful and blessed. I would also like to thank my wonderful sisters and their terrific husbands for all the love that they, too, have shown throughout the years. I love you all and am so glad that we have shared precious memories together.

Along with my family members mentioned above I want to acknowledge all of my dear companions in Christ from my local church along with my faithful pastor, Bob, and his wife, Judy, whose last names I must conceal. I love you all!

One of my very closest friends who attends there, Linda B., and I get together regularly over coffee to fellowship and solve the world’s problems (ha ha)—especially our own!

I also want to mention my other closest friends in Christ. They, too, have exceeded my fondest expectations in what I would hope to find in a friend: (first name alphabetically) Barb G., Debbie L., Frederica H., Jeannie M., Patsy S., & Rosie H.

I also want to mention a couple of dear friends who are employed at a fast food restaurant where Drew and I have eaten on many, many occasions. All of the staff are wonderful but there are two employees in particular who occupy a place in my heart—Davina and Sarah. A huge compliment to both of you! You are always so friendly, so polite, and so accommodating. Your service is just extraordinary! And you, Davina, the manager, are at the very top of the list! Thank you for always giving us the red carpet treatment. You are the most amazing employee I have ever met!

Another outstanding employee and friend of both Drew and myself is Connie (last name withheld) who has extended such kindness whenever we have been in the store where she works. Her exuberance and love is so heart warming.

I also wish to thank the great staff at Author House for their very polite and professional assistance especially Eugene Johnson who helped make this book possible. Also, special thanks to Mel Lazarte, Ella Jayme, David Huff, and Will Roberts. I highly recommend Author House for anyone who is interested in self publishing.

I also want to thank my dog, Joshua, for his ongoing in put into this project. His did his best to edit my material for me by putting his paw continually on my computer key board. He also deleted material that he felt would be unnecessary by leaping unexpectedly into my lap and knocking the key board upside down on a number of occasions. Thanks, Joshua. I couldn’t have written this book without your help!

I also want to pay tribute to every person from all the ages of time—past to present—who have lifted up the precious Name of Jesus. If they were here with me now, these are the words I would want to echo with them:

JOHN 6:68: . . . . LORD [JESUS], TO WHOM SHALL WE GO?

THOU HAST THE WORDS OF ETERNAL LIFE.

PSALM 119:30: I HAVE CHOSEN THE WAY OF TRUTH . . . .

PSALM 63:8: MY SOUL FOLLOWETH HARD AFTER THEE . . .

PHILIPPIANS 3:7-10: BUT WHAT THINGS WERE GAIN

TO ME, THOSE I COUNTED LOSS FOR CHRIST. YEA

DOUBTLESS, AND I COUNT ALL THINGS BUT LOSS

FOR THE EXCELLENCY OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF

CHRIST JESUS MY LORD: FOR WHOM I HAVE

SUFFERED THE LOSS OF ALL THINGS, AND DO

COUNT THEM BUT DUNG, THAT I MAY WIN CHRIST.

ACTS 20:24: BUT NONE OF THESE THINGS MOVE ME, NEITHER COUNT I MY LIFE DEAR UNTO MYSELF, SO THAT I MIGHT FINISH MY COURSE WITH JOY, AND THE MINISTRY, WHICH I HAE RECEIVED OF THE LORD JESUS, TO TESTIFY THE GOSPEL OF THE GRACE OF GOD.

EPHESIANS 6:19: AND FOR ME, THAT UTTERANCE MAY BE GIVEN UNTO ME, THAT I MAY OPEN MY MOUTH BOLDLY, TO MAKE KNOWN THE MYSTERY OF THE GOSPEL,

ROMANS 1:16: FOR I AM NOT ASHAMED OF THE GOSPEL OF CHRIST: FOR IT IS THE POWER OF GOD UNTO SALVATION TO EVERY ONE THAT BELIEVETH . . . .

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All scripture references in this book are taken from the Kings James Version of the Holy Bible. You will find them in italics for easy identification.

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Any coincidence of fictitious names matching real names is purely unintentional.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I am an ambassador of Christ as is each one of us who embrace Him and represent His cause. When I think of an ambassador, I think of someone far more noble than myself, but because of Christ’s shed blood, I am made worthy to proclaim His glorious gospel.

Jesus Christ is my reputation, my identity, my righteousness. Without Him I am lost without a Shepherd, but with Him I am an over comer, an heir, and a child of Almighty God. And as long as I shall live on this earth, with every breath that is in me, I want to proclaim the good news of His salvation to all who will listen. I want to hear the heart’s cry of others. I want your needs to become my prayers.

Galatians 6:2: Bear ye one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Thank you, dear reader, for taking time out of your busy schedule to read my autobiography. Additional copies of this books may be purchased through the Author House Publishing Co.:

www.authorhouse.com

I would love to hear from you! Please email me as follows:

[e-mail]

Or, you can contact me at the address below:

P.O. BOX 33272, BLOOMFIELD HILLS, MI 48303

Friend, may our Lord Jesus bless you in all that you endeavor to do in spreading the gospel as you pick up your cross and follow Him. May He keep you healthy and well in body, soul, and spirit. May He bless you physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially so that you can be a blessing to others. May He fulfill all the godly desires of your heart as you serve Him all the days of your life. May His presence, promise, provision, protection, peace, and prosperity follow you all the days of your life. I pray that in your own journey of faith you will be able to say, like me, Look what the Lord has done!

INTRODUCTION

The testimony you are about to read is genuine. It is a story of redemption—of a desperate woman’s long and rocky journey to all-out surrender to Christ. And that woman is me.

Because of the graphic nature of this book, there is a need for secrecy. Therefore, names, dates, locations, and certain other facts have been changed. The events, however, are true and did happen. Nevertheless, because pertinent information has been altered to hide the identity of those involved, I must call this fiction.

You will hear about betrayals of a monumental proportion—some perpetrated by others and some perpetrated by me.

Had I not endured these horrific experiences, it would seem even to me to be pure fabrication.

Because I cannot recall all of the conversations verbatim from decades ago, I have recreated the dialogue to give you the gist of what was said or create a similar picture of what happened. Many, however, are actual statements that I made or that were made to me.

I have been on a train ride to destiny on passenger cars that have derailed time and time again leaving a ruinous heap of multiple marriages and severed relationships—some my fault, some not.

I had failed at life’s most important endeavors… . failed as a daughter, failed as a wife, failed as a mother, failed as an employee, failed as a neighbor, failed as a Christian, and failed as a human being… . I, who had always just wanted to be a good girl. I had dreamed of having a happily-ever-after outcome. But life here on earth is not a fairy tale, is it?

If there is any thing to salvage in this mess, it is my discovery that our Lord Jesus is always willing to forgive anyone who is truly and genuinely repentant and who sincerely wants to be in a personal relationship with Him.

Holiness comes as a result of His righteousness in us not our righteousness in us. We cover ourselves in His garments of salvation. As we yield ourselves to His Spirit moment by moment, His blood sacrifice at Calvary continues to cleanse us from all sin and leads us in the way that is pleasing to Him.

Isaiah 61:10: I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels.

I invite you now to climb aboard and go with me as I travel down that difficult and winding path on my train ride to destiny.

My story may not be the most eloquent in presentation. It may not be a literary masterpiece. But it is most incredible as you’ll see in this excursion that we take through fear and failure—through valleys and victories.

I pray that you will not focus on the sensationalism of what happened to me but rather that you will see God’s providential hand at work even in the most shattering and crushing situations.

My journey takes me from the bottom of the bottom to the top of the top into the comforting arms of our Lord Jesus where restoration and healing begin. For truly, my story leads me from the gutter most to the uttermost, from addiction to adoration, from a past to a pastoral calling (evangelistically speaking). Above all, it is a journey that has shown me that failures can become assets when we learn from them.

After reading all of those chapter headings, you may be wondering, dear reader, could all of that have really happened? Yes, it could. And, yes, it did! For that reason, I echo these words along with the Psalmist:

Psalm 27:13: I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Psalm 119:92: Unless thy law had been my delights, I should then have perished in mine affliction.

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God’s beautiful creation has never ceased to amaze me! His signature is all over everything!

Colossians 1:16-17: For by him were all things created… . for him… . and by him all things consist. [See John 1:3]

Psalm 19:1: The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.]

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Me as a little girl…

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Me as a young woman

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Me as a young woman

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My current husband, Drew, & me on our wedding day, May 20, 2009

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Drew and me on our honeymoon in West Virginia

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Drew (earlier years) doing what he loves best: playing his instruments for the Lord (in this case, his bass).

ABUNDANT PARDON

When I fall my hardest, you put me back upon my feet;

I see myself as just a tare but you see me as wheat.

Your love lifts me far above my addictive, sinful shame

To mercy, peace, and pardon where I have the purest name.

Others say I’m just a wasted life deserving no more grace

But from every ditch in which I fall you pull me to that higher place.

I think myself a wretched man who must find a place to hide;

But you call me to gloriously be part of Your heavenly bride.

You pardoned me so I could be part of your kingdom plan;

You pardoned me so I could be a saved and sanctified man!

Matthew 13:30: Let both [the tares and wheat] grow together until the harvest: and in the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the wheat into my barn.

Nehemiah 9:17: . . . . thou art a God ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and of great kindness . . .

Romans 5:20: . . . . where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:

Isaiah: 55:7 . . . . for he will abundantly pardon.

Psalm 86:5: For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon him.

Lamentations 3:22-23: It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. His mercies are new every morning . . . .

Micah 7:18: Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity . . . .

I John 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

VESSELS OF HONOR

Vessels of honor aren’t made overnight

as we are turned from darkness to light.

So stay on the wheel as it continues to turn;

there’s lessons in life that are hard to learn.

Shattered dreams, broken hearts,

as the Potter fashions his earthen arts.

To resist and murmur shows lack of trust;

remember who made you from ashes and dust.

Groans of anguish from each lump of clay;

how could the Potter fashion this way?

He doesn’t afflict willingly the children of men;

read Lamentations 3:33; you’ll understand then.

Eternal plans are being worked out,

though our finite minds are clouded with doubt.

There was never a reason to fear or be tense;

the finished product will then make sense.

So trust God again, relinquish your way;

for He is the Potter and you are the clay.

Your best interests he has at heart;

in you he is fashioning the loveliest art!

Lamentations 3:33: For he doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men. [See Hebrews 12:7 & 11; Job 5:17-18; & Psalm 119:67, 71 & 75]

II Corinthians 4:17: For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

Isaiah 64:8: But now, O Lord, thou art our Father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.

I Thessalonians 4:4:That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour [honor];

[See I Cor. 6:19]

Acts 24:16: And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and toward men.

Colossians 1:10-12: That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness; Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:

Hebrews 12:11: Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

Job 5:18: For he maketh sore, and bindeth up: he woundeth, and his hands make whole.

Psalm 62:8: Trust in him at all times . . . .

ROMANS 8:18: FOR I RECKON THAT THE SUFFERINGS

OF THIS PRESENT TIME ARE NOT WORTHY TO BE

COMPARED WITH THE GLORY WHICH SHALL BE

REVEALED IN US.

(Please us this page to jot down any scripture references that are especially meaningful to you.)

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And now, dear reader, I shall begin my story… .

CHAPTER 1: THE DEATH OF ONE’S INVINCIBLE

FATHER SEEMED TO INDICATE THAT LIFE WAS INDEED FRAGILE, UNPREDICTABLE, AND HELD NO GUARANTEES.

Born August 31, 1948, I arrived on life’s stage about 3:00 a.m. weighing 5lbs.70z. I was the second child of Cole and Rose Anderson.

My mother said she was dancing the night before I was due.

From entries mom had jotted down in my baby book I got the impression I was a cry baby. Zeena Marie sure can whine a lot, she wrote.

Well, I’m still crying a lot, dear reader, but now it’s because of my burden for souls! And that is the reason why this book has been written.

My arrival hardly seemed eventful on that early summer morning when I was born—just another baby in the maternity ward. Yet, as the years slowly passed, I began to feel a compelling sense of destiny realizing that God has a plan and purpose for everyone’s life, including mine.

Jeremiah 1:5: Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee . . . .

Romans 1:1: . . . . called . . .

I Timothy 1:1: Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the commandment of God our Saviour [Savior], and Lord Jesus Christ . . . .

I Timothy 1:11: And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me in the ministry.

Galatians 1:1: Paul, an apostle, (not of men, neither by man, but by Jesus Christ, and God the Father . . . .

I Corinthians 1:12: But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal.

One’s calling, however, is somewhat like a flower which blossoms after much rain. And rain it did. In fact, it poured.

My earliest recollection that life was not going to be kind, nor would it be free of trials and tribulations, was probably at the innocent age of four. I was pushed into the smoldering coals of a bon fire near the side of our house. Got your hands burned badly in May in a small bon fire, Mom wrote.

Even back then, the enemy of our soul, Satan, must have known that these hands would someday impact the kingdom of God. Was he trying to stop in the natural what he suspected God would one day do in the supernatural?

Trouble continued to be an unwelcome visitor, sorrow a familiar face. While many children my age were savoring memories of enjoyable family experiences, my own childhood was shattered.

Dad suffered a massive heart attack. Before his death he told mom, The next one will do me in. His prediction was accurate. The following attack was fatal. Once again, circumstances took their tragic toll.

In the eyes of a small five-year-old child, the death of one’s invincible father seemed to indicate that life was indeed fragile, unpredictable, and held no guarantees. Home no longer offered the illusion that things would be permanent and lasting. My anchor was gone.

Like any child in a loving home, I had the mistaken idea that it was an impenetrable fortress. It would always be a safe, inviting place with a cozy atmosphere where grandma baked cookies, mom cleaned the house, dad fixed things, and my two brothers and I played to our heart’s content.

Now the walls seem to echo with a hollowness and an emptiness that reminded us someone very important was gone… . gone for ever.

CHAPTER 2: HOW PEACEFUL HE LOOKED—HOW

SERENE. YET, IT MADE ME SHUDDER! HIS BODY

LIE STIFF AND MOTIONLESS, A STARK CONTRAST

TO THE DAD I REMEMBERED.

Prior to the funeral, my grandmother Anderson (dad’s mother) requested that the casket bearing my father’s remains be brought back to our house.

Life had suddenly come to a jarring standstill. Death had moved in. It had taken up residence in the place that had once been filled with chatter, laughter, and the busy activity of our household.

When most children walk into their living room or family room, perhaps they expect to see their siblings playing video games and eating snacks. They expect to see their dad on the couch clicking the TV remote or surfing the internet. They expect to see their mom on the phone while scurrying around tending to the children’s needs. But they don’t ever expect to see their dad lying in a coffin, their mother in numb denial, and their grandmother weeping.

Grandma Anderson’s soothing smile and strong faith in Jesus could always calm any situation… . any situation except this one. Abruptly, without warning, everything had changed. There were no smiling faces. Mom was an emotional basket case and had a nervous breakdown. My brothers and I were bewildered and feeling insecure. We would soon be sent to relatives until mom could pull herself together.

Mom would share from time to time her guilt and remorse. She would reminisce about her and dad lying there in bed that fateful night. She would recall that he had asked her to get his nitroglycerine tablets.

Maybe if I had just gotten up and grabbed his heart pills he might still be alive, she sighed. But I was so tired and I had no way of knowing he would have a fatal heart attack.

Grandma Anderson did not blame mom but she, too, could not come to terms with his departure. Years later, clutching funeral mementoes her eyes would well up with tears. She would always tell me how brokenhearted she was. I never got over your dad’s death, I heard her say as she gently placed the little keepsakes back in the drawer.

As I sat reflecting on those many decades ago, I remembered the living room where my father’s glistening coffin replaced the family sofa. It was disguised as a restful, satin cot which remained overnight. A strange, chilling, and eerie fragrance seemed to surround it. I wondered if it was the smell of death for that fragrance seemed to frighten me and overpower me.

The day dad’s casket arrived I carefully tiptoed into that room. I refer to it as that room because now it reminded me more of a funeral parlor than a living room. I stood peering into dad’s casket glancing one last time at his handsome face and his thin frame. How peaceful he looked—how serene. Yet, it made me shudder! His body lie stiff and motionless, a stark contrast to the dad I remembered. I wanted to look away but the mystery of his death drew me like a magnet. I could not resist the urge to gaze at his remains.

I touched his cold, mannequin-like hand, a hand that had once held mine tightly. Now it felt limp, lifeless, and helpless. It didn’t make sense to my five-year-old bewildered mind. Only days before, this same dad had moved and breathed and walked and talked. I stood there studying him—utterly perplexed—with a morbid fascination.

My eyes continued to trace the outline of his clasped hands… . hands which had previously represented love, safety, and security. Now they made me cringe. I shook with a sense of foreboding. My knees seemed to fold like a lawn chair. Quickly I withdrew my own hand to keep a cautious distance between us.

My older brother, Bill, remembers the terrifying thoughts that he, too, had as a child. Just before we were shipped off to relatives he slept in the bedroom—probably with mom—just off the living room. It was that same bedroom that mom and dad had shared while dad was still alive. Now my brother occupied that side of the bed where dad had died. When Bill dared open his seven-year-old eyes, he could see the shadowy presence of dad’s coffin off in the distance. A horrible fear gripped him as he laid there frozen in that moment. His eyes were locked on the coffin making sure dad did not suddenly sit up and look his way with a sinister smile. He felt vulnerable. He would not dare roll over and leave his back exposed. The fear of dad’s cold and deathlike hand suddenly touching his shoulder made him tremble uncontrollably.

My younger brother, Benny, also remembers the gripping fear that he, too, experienced after seeing his remains. To this day, he still recoils at the thought of going to anyone’s funeral. I can’t wait to get home and wash my clothes whenever I’m near a corpse, he told me. It gives me the creeps.

After dad’s funeral, I, too, could never seem to escape the dreadful impact of that day. It followed me everywhere. Oddly enough, in death my father had become larger than life—more alive than he had ever been before!

Whenever I was alone, I feared I might unexpectedly encounter his terrifying ghostly presence. To alleviate my fears, I tried to recall comforting memories of the two of us together.

Brushing away the cobwebs I traveled to the deep recesses of my mind as if on a journey searching for something—something to bring me comfort from the torment.

I seem to recall (if it’s not a wishful imagination) an evening when we had enjoyed a special time together out in the kitchen—just dad and me. The light was on but it was his smile that lit up the room. His loving hand beckoned me to come out and watch him work. He was busy building or fixing something out there but had glanced up and noticed that I was wide awake in the adjoining room. Maybe I’m just dreaming, but if it happened, he tenderly motioned for me to sit at the table. Details are vague but I think he made me a bowl of cold cereal. Ordinarily, a bowl of cereal would hardly seem worthy of mention but because I have very few memories of him it occupies a treasured place of importance in my mind.

I remembered, too, one afternoon when dad was taking an afternoon nap in the front room. One of my brothers and I decided to have some fun. We had taken a couple of grandma’s home-made tin curlers and twisted his hair around them bending the ends so they would stay in place.

Grandma used to take tin cans and cut them into strips. Then she would cover them with tissue and use them to curl her hair. Often, I remembered seeing the tedious process as I watched her wind her hair around rows and rows of these tin curlers. When her hair was dry and she removed the curlers, it always looked like she’d just had a perm.

I went to see grandma Anderson shortly before her death. I’m not sure whether I visited her in the hospital or in a nursing home. I just remember that I sat down on the foot of her bed and suddenly she winced in pain. Without realizing it, I had sat on her foot! Not long after that visit, she passed away. I did not go to her funeral. I wanted my final memories of her to be pleasant.

Here on earth we are constantly reminded that every one and every thing eventually dies. It’s the ugly reality of life.

Hebrews 9:27: And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment . . . .

Sadly, the few fond memories of dad that I recalled were always overshadowed by the indelible image of his casket. Somehow, in my way of thinking, death had transformed him from the gentle, loving father he was, into a fiendish, haunting apparition.

Despite the fact that I missed his presence throughout my life, the idea of ever seeing him again gripped me with terror.

As a young woman, each time I pulled back the shower curtain, I feared he might be standing there. Or, if I quietly listened, I was certain I could hear his heart beating—that kind of pulsating sound that one might experience in a horror movie. I pictured his icy, glazed eyes watching me. These imaginations would cause me to break out in a cold sweat. It seemed that all my life he was pursuing me relentlessly and waiting for the opportune moment to pounce on me and scare me to death. How many times I had reluctantly looked in the mirror certain that I would find him standing behind me with a fiendish smile… . how many times I frantically feared I might see those penetrating eyes staring back at me.

No matter where I went or how many years passed, I remained