Lights Out!: Helping Your Kids Overcome Their Fear of the Dark

By Chad Cramer

Lights Out! is packed with real-life examples from the authors life as well as his childrens, as he challenges the prevalent fear of the dark in a courageous duel. After dealing with this fear for over a decade and then again with his children, Chad determined to help others overcome this fear from the things he learned.

If youve ever struggled with this fear or your children currently do, then dive in and discover how your children can win through Scripture and the scores of fearbusters listed at the end of each chapter.

Victory can start immediately, and your children dont have to wait any longer to enjoy the wonders of the night instead of being afraid of them. Theyll learn to rely on the God who sees and the one who created darkness for a reason.

Whether your children are in their toddler years or in college, this book delivers the message in an amusing yet strategic way, to help your children trample fear with faith. Sweet dreams and peaceful nights await the courageous child who learns to rest in the shadow of the Almighty!

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 22, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490862668

Chad Cramer

Chad Cramer makes his full-time profession in the software market. Having struggled with the fear of the dark for over ten years himself, he knew others would benefit from his studies and experiences as well. He lives with his wife and four boys in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Book preview

Copyright © 2014 Chad Cramer.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered trademarks of Biblica, Inc. Use of either trademark for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written consent of Biblica US, Inc.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4908-6267-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-6268-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-6266-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014921924

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/22/2014

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 Knock, Knock

Who’s There?

It’s No Joke

Who’s to Blame?

Creating a Void

Chapter 2 God Named It Night

Fireflies and Crickets

Fearless Conversations

Free to Dream

Chapter 3 Breeding Grounds

Warning: Flammable

No Pets Allowed

Chapter 4 The Power of a Name

Who Is Your God?

The God Who Sees

Sights and Sounds

Hide and Seek

Chapter 5 What’s in the Closet?

Before the Cement Dries

Inside the Room

Outside the Room

You Have a Visitor!

The Prayer Closet

Chapter 6 Daddy, I Need You

Call for Backup

The Touch of God

Chapter 7 Raising Overcomers

Speak to Their Identity

Speak to Their Time Line

Become a Swordsmith

Watch the Flock

Throw Out the Anchor

Faith Despite Fear

Chapter 8 Guard at the Gate

On the Phone

Missing in Action

Ready for Battle

Chapter 9 God in the Everyday

Life Drills

Beyond trouble

Every Day, Choose God

Chapter 10 Destination: Courage

Growing Pains

Apache Helicopters

Proper Fear of Danger

Proper Fear of God

Victor’s Charge

Upgrades

Gain with Pain

Creed of Courage

Appendix I Additional prayers to pray for your children

Appendix II Thirty powerful vocabulary words

Appendix III Additional devotional ideas to combat fear

Appendix IV Nighttime wonders

Appendix V Nighttime or Lights Out activities

Appendix VI God in the everyday

Appendix VII Symbols of courage

Bibliography

I dedicate this book to my wife for her love, encouragement, and patience as I put these materials together. I also dedicate this book to my three little warriors—Chase, Hudson, and Weston—who give me much inspiration and many examples to share.

Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as day, for darkness is as day.

—Psalm 139:12

Introduction

It’s probably no surprise that one of the greatest fears a child will face is that of the dark. There are very few kids that aren’t plagued with this fear at some point in their childhood. The fear of the unknown, the darkness, and unfamiliar sounds can be overwhelming to a child’s outlook. This fear often comes as a toddler and can continue into junior high, high school, or even adulthood. Children typically have more than one fear and will often face them individually or collectively at night. These fears and insecurities often lead to other harmful feelings or anxieties, which can cripple a child’s potential.

I’m convinced that many of the fears or tendencies toward fear in our adult lives stem from not having dealt with them properly during childhood. If we truly looked down deep, a certain tendency is probably an experience or lack of one that prompted the fear early on. Only God can unravel all the complexities of life, so this book isn’t meant to blame the parents or children. My purpose is rather to build a fork in the road where you can change the direction of your family away from the struggle you had growing up or the new path of fear your children are now experiencing.

I remember that as my wife and I planned to have a family, I began to research many topics that I struggled with as a child in order to stop them from echoing into the next generation. The fear of the dark was one of the first thoughts that popped into my mind. The big why for this book came about as my children began to struggle with the dark. I could read the intensity in their eyes that this wasn’t just a passing whim. I recalled hundreds of nights as a child wrestling with the same fears, and it was there that my determination was born. I was shocked at how little information was available regarding this particular fear, especially from a biblical perspective. My trips to the library yielded only limited resources, and I couldn’t even recall a formalized talk given in school or church regarding this issue during my youth. Because this is an expected struggle that is so much the norm, it often flies under the radar as some rite of passage that need not be dealt with. People say, Everyone’s afraid of the dark. It’s just something you grow out of (or maybe not).

When my children struggled with fear of the dark, I knew I had a job to do in regards to researching and coming up with practical ideas. Initially, this study was for personal use, but as I reflected and talked with other parents, I saw a need to make it accessible to everyone. I don’t intend to tackle all fears here, but the truths and principles are definitely applicable to all. I see this as an opportunity to help children face this particular fear early on, which will hopefully pave the way to cope with other fears they may face during their life. After all, fear, in its many forms, is one of the most significant struggles of life. Since this fear is dealt with every night, it’s an important starting point. Scripture gives us the only real hope to long-lasting victory. As fear finds its origin in the fall of mankind, it finds its death in the cross of Christ. The Bible has a lot to say regarding fear, and Christ certainly talked about it throughout his ministry. It was He who often said, …You of little faith, why are you so afraid? (Matthew 8:26), …Don’t be afraid; just believe… (Luke 8:50) or …Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid. (Matthew 14:27). The earlier we can instill biblical principles regarding fear and the proper view of God, the sooner the child can gain the security and confidence they need to choose courage over fear.

You’ll gain the most out of this book if you first believe the truths of Scripture yourself before ever hoping to impact your child. In a real way, your child will be able to borrow some of your security until theirs is strong enough to stand on its own. Whether you have one child or several, they are your little apprentices of faith. They will most likely adopt your views on fear to some degree or another. You’re tasked with a great responsibility and, with God’s help, you are taking a big step in contending against something that may have been affecting your family lineage for years! My ultimate hope is that your child(ren) will one day embrace Christ in a personal relationship and rely on His strength (if they haven’t already). Psalm 9:10 reiterates the truth that those who know Christ trust in Him.

Remember that each child is different, even within your own family, which may cause the need for different stimuli and effort for different siblings. Be patient with your children as they have their own time line to victory and they are struggling with the same sin that we often battle. I specifically didn’t put a particular time frame on your child’s journey through this fear to avoid undue pressure on him or her in meeting some sort of deadline. My personal struggle lasted over ten years, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Some can gain victory in a relatively short time, but it takes much longer for others. Obviously, the earlier you can start in a child’s life, the better. God can use even the toughest situations and struggles to bring about His will in our lives (John 16:33; Romans 8:28), and I’ll touch more on this later. I’ve included a combination of both short-term and long-term practical ideas at the end of each chapter (known as Fear busters) along with further application to help deepen the search and provide immediate solutions. There are also several appendix chapters at the end that have some valuable resources. Some of them may seem simplistic, but sometimes the best solutions are the ones sitting right in front of us. As you make your way through the next several chapters, reading real life examples and reflecting on the pages of Scripture with me, I hope this information will give you the confidence needed to tackle this giant foe in your child’s life!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

—Joshua 1:9

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.

—Japanese Proverb

Chapter 1

Knock, Knock

Most people put much more energy into trying to manage their fears than they do trying to identify the cause and get rid of them for good. To some degree, that is natural, given the busy lifestyles of our culture, but people often sacrifice long-term remission for short-term relief. The road less traveled for most is devoid of fear, or so they think, because that’s a giant they’d rather not face. You can deal with that later is the lie that Satan whispers in their ears.

In truth, not facing your fears is, in some sense, giving in to them. Think of the Israelites when they got the report from the spies on their recent trip to Canaan. Scripture says that their hearts melted with fear (Joshua 14:8). Why did their hearts melt in fear? It was more than the fact that there were giants in the land. It was because they weren’t looking at the root cause of their rebellion, which was not trusting in God to take the land. Fear was only the mask that hid the real character underneath: unbelief. They quickly resorted to managing their fears, despite all God had showed and told them.

The record tells us that not only did ten of the spies incite the people to fear, but most of the people also fell into the fear trap, except for Joshua and Caleb. Joshua and Caleb faced the same threat that the rest of the Israelites did, but they knew that the answer did not lie in fear but in courage. It wasn’t just personality differences, but the fact that they had a godly perspective that allowed them to see the circumstances through God’s Word. There were many good reasons and motivations for the Israelites to give up their fear—like a bountiful Promised Land, taking back what was rightfully theirs, and the fact that God wanted to bless them—but they couldn’t stop focusing on their fear. Numbers 13:33 tells us that their fearful assumptions became their reality. The Israelites who feared were not only willing to give up their inheritance because of fear, but they ultimately gave up their lives for it. God judged them with a plague and wandering in the wilderness until they died.

Who’s There?

This true biblical story seems severe, but it does show us the destructive path down which fear can lead our children. Could the Israelites have taken that same energy that it took to grumble against Moses and God and put it toward taking the land that God had already promised? Often times when our hearts are filled with complaint instead of praise it is easy for despair, anxiety and fear to move in. Our kids need to realize that there are consequences to every choice they make and every thought they think. Choosing the path of fear could cost them dearly in the form of lost opportunities and the blessings of God.

The fear of the dark seems harmless, but I believe it can be a gateway into much deeper fears. The contrast between Joshua and Caleb and the rest of the grumbling Israelites is what we have to convey to our children. Not everyone gives in to fear when it comes knocking at the door. The victory was never in the fact that Joshua and Caleb were mighty warriors, but in God who was the true mighty warrior defending His cause. Joshua and Caleb simply aligned themselves to God’s Word, and He accomplished the rest.

Romans 15:4 says, For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. Joshua and Caleb give us hope that the giants can be conquered if we’ll only take God at his Word. Fear may be present, but God’s presence eclipses the power of it.

When our children view their struggles in light of God’s presence as Joshua and Caleb did, they can also have the victory.

The Scriptures say, If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31). Psalm 118:6 says, The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid…

Several hundred years later, we know that God sent the ultimate example of His presence with His Son. Matthew 1:23 says that Christ was called Immanuel, meaning God with us. God became flesh and dwelt among us. Joshua and Caleb accepted the presence of God by faith just like our children have to almost three millennia later. They have almighty God hearing their prayers in heaven. He is also by their side, helping them live out each day.

Further on, Joshua 14:10–12 shows us more of Caleb’s faith and how he was courageous not only in the middle of his life but all the way till he died.

Now then, just as the Lord promised, he has kept me alive for forty-five years since the time he said this to Moses, while Israel moved about in the wilderness. So here I am today, eighty-five years old! I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then. Now give me this hill country that the Lord promised me that day. You yourself heard then that the Anakites were there and their cities were large and fortified, but, the Lord helping me, I will drive them out just as he said.

What a way to die and leave a legacy! Caleb dealt with his fear early on the right way, so when he was an old man, he was still leading a courageous life. This is my hope for our children. They establish a conviction early on that fear is not worth giving in to, and they go on to be courageous warriors like Caleb.

Today, of course, we’re not fighting giants or trying to possess a land that’s been promised to us, but fears are definitely real. People can go for years struggling with the same phobias, never seeming to have real victory. We’ve all seen what people will do to avoid fear in their lives (like giving up everything that’s important), and for some, it’s become their identity. Fortunately for children of God, our identity comes from who we are in Christ. No longer do sin and its consequences have to define who we are as people. This is the remedy we offer our children to overcome not just one fear, but all of their fears.

God’s presence makes all the difference for anyone caught in the nets of fear. He has promised to be with those who trust in Him even through the darkest times (Isaiah 43:1–2). Even God’s proclamation of who He was to Moses, the great "I AM, speaks of His presence eternally. God goes on to say later in that same chapter that I AM" is His name from generation to generation (Exodus 3:14). He’s the same God who forever was and forever will be (Hebrews 13:8). This is the kind of God we believe in. Don’t allow your children to be cowardly or adopt the cowardice of other people. Help them stand up to the giant of fear in their lives, and they can conquer it just

Reviews for Lights Out!

[beckvalleybooks · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A very clever book written using the bible messages as a reminder of why and how we are what we are .This book took me back to my childhood and how my parents taught me what was right and wrong and if I looked inside myself and followed my instinct I would not be wrong. The book also gives excellent examples of how fear can be seen through a small person eyes and solutions to overcome that fear. The author uses the most common fear of most children the fear of the dark.Using the scriptures, messages in the bible and the interpretation of those message for use in the modern age is first class. Reading this book reminded me of how I calmed and comforted my children when they were afraid, ie getting them to talk to me about how their day went whilst they were lying in bed before sleep time so no bad thoughts were in their minds and letting them know I was close by and watching over them, just like God does. Some people might not like the theme or messages given by this book but it is amazing how in times of trouble people turn to their faith and ask for answers.I would urge anyone with a young child to read this book.