The Long, Long Journey: Driving Through the Land of Sorrow

By Rex Goyer

This is the story of one mans journey through the pain of losing his beloved wife of more than twenty-two years when she died suddenly and unexpectedly in her sleep. It is filled with intense emotions rarely seen or even talked about as he recounts the story of this tragedy. If you have been touched by the loss of a spouse or a close loved one or know someone who has, this book offers comfort, hope, and healing to those with a hurting heart. It explores some of the hard questions and often common feelings that so many will find themselves confronting when that one special person steps from time to eternity. Most likely, you will find yourself crying, remembering, and sometimes even laughing right along with the author as you travel through The Long, Long Journey.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 6, 2017
• ISBN: 9781512799811

Rex Goyer

Rex Goyer was born and raised in Marion, OH and now lives in Sycamore,OH with his dog ‘Radar’. Retired from General Electric Company leaves time for riding motorcycles, gardening, working in the yard, writing, and fishing. He is the father of two daughters and has three grandsons. Rex went to Toccoa Falls Collage then spent four years in the U.S. Navy. He says “Everyday I am grateful for the opportunity to experience the wonder of life, nature, and fellowship with friends and family. Taking it for granted is no longer an option.”

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Copyright © 2017 Rex Goyer.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-9982-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-9983-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-9981-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017912471

WestBow Press rev. date: 8/8/2017

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 Good Grief

Chapter 2 Grieving: Putting My Vehicle In Gear

Chapter 3 Hope: More Than A Feeling

Chapter 4 Tears: Watering The Flowers Of Sorrow

Chapter 5 Emotions: Fasten Your Seat Belts Please

Chapter 6 Choices

Chapter 7 Who Am I Now?

Chapter 8 Till Death Do Us Part

Chapter 9 Sifting Through The Rubble

Chapter 10 Everything Changes

Chapter 11 Residual Effects

Chapter 12 Lessons From LoveDid You Learn Anything?

Epilogue

Introduction

I have chosen the title of this book in part because my wife very much enjoyed an old movie entitled The Long, Long Trailer and because I know this certainly is a long and hard journey. I have talked to many people who are taking or have taken a journey such as the one I am still on, and there is one aspect that seems to be a common trait; you will never forget what you saw along the way.

Floyd, my seventy-something biker buddy, and I went on a fifty-five hundred-mile motorcycle trip out west in the summer of 2015 and saw some of the most spectacular sights in all the country—to name a few, the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Bryce Canyon, and one of my favorites, the Bear Tooth Highway. It was absolutely euphoric traveling through these places, and I will never forget seeing these sights. I took hundreds of pictures to try to capture the moment. However, once we had driven through, those exhilarating feelings immediately began to lessen. I believe that is how this journey will unfold. I will never forget my beautiful and loving wife and the things we shared together. Those things are deeply ingrained in my memory. There are many pictures of her and us together as well. I will also never forget the tragedy of finding her lifeless body, and I recall the incredible feelings that followed. Even so, the feelings of hurt, fear, confusion, and pain are beginning to lessen. Nevertheless, at this point I am still driving through. It seems as though I am on a lonely mountain road full of switchbacks, steep ascents, snow-capped peaks, rapid descents, and, oh yes, no guardrails. At times it is scary, and I don’t feel like going on. I want to park and let the landscape move instead of me. But you and I know that won’t happen. I must keep driving until I get to the other side of sorrow. At the moment, I really don’t care about the other side, but to be fair, I know that on the other side there is something worth seeing. At Mount Rushmore, most people were focused on the great portraits carved in the rock, but just across the road beyond a thin line of trees was an exceptionally beautiful canyon view. I suspect that the majority of people missed this dramatic scenery because their eyes were looking at the familiar. I, like many, would choose the familiar. Change is not my favorite destination, but here I am, transitioning to a huge alteration in my life and future. Now I am heading to the other side because there is no option of turning back. As I am trying, at this point, to put some of the pieces of my life back together, each day I am making the decision to keep driving and continue The Long, Long Journey.

Today I took a trip to somewhere I have never been before.

Yes, a faraway place.

I kept trying to look back to see where I had come from

but saw only empty space.

I wanted to turn around, start over maybe,

and see the things I had seen once again.

The adventures, the highs, and yes, even the lows,

to the feelings, sounds, and sights of where I’d been.

Today I took a trip to somewhere I had been before,

but only in my mind.

A trip through pictures, cards, and memories

were all the joys I could find.

I wanted to turn around, start over maybe,

and do the things that changed this heart.

Her hand in mine, a loving word, a kiss good night.

It’s where I wanted to stay, but death has made us part.

Today I took a trip to somewhere I had been before,

and I will go back again and again,

for memories are buried treasures that can always be uncovered,

until we reach our final end.

Today I will take a trip to somewhere I have never been before.

A faraway place to an unfamiliar and uncharted land.

It is a place I never wanted or planned to journey,

but one I must and will go, and grasp with an outstretched hand.

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Chapter 1

Good Grief

Grief is only given to those who love and lose.

I have thought about those words that most of us have heard from Charlie Brown, good grief, and I have wondered, what is so good about it? Though it seems more like an oxymoron than a literal statement, I am not so sure there isn’t more truth to it than we see at first glance. For instance, if we would be consumed with ourselves and never have time for anyone else, we would develop a callus of sorts that would protect us from grief. Think of the fingertips or palms of your hands that have been covered over with a thick layer of calloused skin. The feelings in those areas are dull and nonsensitive. So it is with grief. Imagine someone you have only had a slight acquaintance with. If something were to happen to that person, the effect it would have on you would likely be insignificant. However, if you or someone close to you encounters a difficult loss, there will be a profound difference in your feelings.

When we lose someone close through death or other circumstances, a powerful and painful emotion attacks us without warning. In that circumstance, we don’t have to tell ourselves that we need to grieve; it just happens. Grief then, as I see it, is actually a mechanism to help us cope with the tragic situation that has entered our world. With that in mind, we can see that grieving is indeed a good thing. It is an outlet that allows the river of emotions to flow down the mountain of pain. I have listened to many stories of tragic circumstances that have torn relationships apart and caused an almost unbearable weight of sorrow and hurt. Grief was the vehicle that took them from hopelessness and despair to healing.

One of my most vivid recollections of such pain and loss was with an uncle who was close to my father, his brother, and in turn close to me. He and his wife of thirty-nine years lived in Arkansas off the main route in the rugged outback. To get to their home, one would have to drive across a creek because there was no bridge on that particular road. One rainy night while driving back home, the creek was more swollen than normal. The pickup truck they were in became stuck in the middle of the stream. Before anyone could help, a flash flood came rushing down that