Crimson Candlesticks

By Catrina Carrington

Crimson Candlesticks, a Christian, fictional novel that is filled with Charlottes relentless search to find out who she is and why her familys treasured heirlooms, the century old crimson candlesticks hold so much intrigue and power in her search for freedom and happiness. The opening chapter introduces us to Charlotte who is filled with such inner turmoil and sadness about her life that really is fulfilling but does not offer her the deepest desires that she covets: a doctorate from The Juilliard School, a husband, and the search for who she really is. The novel is filled with humor, sadness, and joy focusing on Charlotte Mays dreams to earn a doctorate from Juilliard, despite having already received a masters degree from The Boston Conservatory and living a comfortable, secure life in Tennessee. Yet, Charlotte yearns for more, for a doctorate, a husband, and world-wide recognition. Throughout Charlottes quest

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 26, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469191256

Catrina Carrington

Catrina Carrington has always appreciated the arts and culture for she is an avid reader born in Frankfurt, Germany and raised in a military family. She is an adjunct college instructor and high school teacher in Colorado Springs who enjoys reading and visiting museums. She earned a graduate degree in public communication/magazine, newspaper, and online journalism from Syracuse University and a bachelor’s degree in English from the University of Colorado. It has always been her dream to publish a book about a Christian single woman’s journey to find fulfillment through a husband and family, but also dealing with emotions that everyone battles on a daily basis, but rarely discuss for fear of appearing nonreligious. In publishing this book, her goals are to express how Christians wage with the same battles as non-Christians and it is through faith, prayer, humor, and love that one’s life is transformed. This is her first novel.

Book preview

Contents

AUTHOR’S NOTE

AUTHOR DISCLAIMER

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 21

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 26

CHAPTER 27

CHAPTER 28

CHAPTER 29

CHAPTER 30

CHAPTER 31

CHAPTER 32

CHAPTER 33

CHAPTER 34

CHAPTER 35

CHAPTER 36

CHAPTER 37

CHAPTER 38

CHAPTER 39

CHAPTER 40

CHAPTER 41

CHAPTER 42

CHAPTER 43

CHAPTER 44

CHAPTER 45

CHAPTER 46

CHAPTER 47

EPILOGUE

CHARACTER SKETCHES

AFTERWORD

CRIMSON CANDLESTICKS TIMELINE

CRIMSON CANDLESTICKS DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

TIMELESS TOPICS IN CRIMSON CANDLESTICKS

BIBLE VERSES IN CRIMSON CANDLESTICKS

C. S. LEWIS’ QUOTES IN CRIMSON CANDLESTICKS

SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY

Dedication

To all those people who were told that you can’t do something, this proves that you can. To those who said I would, this proves that I could, and the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of dreams fulfilled.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Crimson Candlesticks is a fictional, Christian novel set in the twenty-first century and is based on the temptations and captivations of this world. All the names and characters in the book are fictionalized and represent character sketches of how individuals act in life during certain situations. The main character will battle the temptations of loving God and the world, yet the duplicity will cause her to question her identity, eventually bringing her back to reality. As you journey through this book, please remember that we live in a world that places value on appearance, socioeconomic levels, and racial separations. Finally, the Bible verses are strategically placed to enrich the moral meaning of the chapters. I hope that everyone finds the book enlightening and is able to understand that we are more alike than we know, and God makes no accidents that every incident, experience, and mistake you may make in your life is part of the destiny that proves your life is a living blueprint determined before you were even born. I hope everyone grasps the essential meaning of the book that God will grant your requests and answer your prayers, but sometimes you may receive an answer you don’t want, never expected, or can’t stand, but with God’s grace and power you can overcome anything in this world.

Be blessed and joyful,

Catrina Carrington

AUTHOR DISCLAIMER

All The Juilliard School sections are fictionalized and are not intended to harm or represent how the university is depicted but only to illustrate the story’s purpose. In addition, the entire story is fiction and does not represent anyone alive or deceased.

Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens:

Who created all these?

He who brings out the starry host one by one

and calls forth each of them by name.

Because of his great power and mighty strength,

not one of them is missing.

Why do you complain, Jacob?

Why do you say, Israel,

"My way is hidden from the LORD;

my cause is disregarded by my God?"

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the Earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

(Isa. 40:26-31, NIV)

For the longest way round is the shortest way home.

—C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

CHAPTER 1

Burning Red

September 2010

Charlotte burned with consuming, relentless anger as she watched the candles drip hot wax all over her great-grandmother’s table from the red candlesticks, a pair her great-grandmother purchased a hundred years ago that held relationship power. The candlesticks were reserved for marriages, but Charlotte knew she would never get married, and no beau she loved was on the horizon as she was wondering, why am I still single at my age? Charlotte asked herself knowing God has forgotten about her, considering she was thirty-one and will most likely marry a man she does not love. It was uncharacteristic for Charlotte to ever sit in the massive plantation house dining room, but she was fed up and burnt out on life, assuming that she would never leave Tennessee. It angered her that everything in her life was so stagnant, so boring, and she was seething in the pain of watching her life transform before her very eyes. The only solace she received was in watching the candles burn. The hot dripping wax oozing out of its perfectly molded shape demonstrated how she felt on a daily basis, especially today. She sat back in the creaky chair staring out the dining room window at the late-September, still-Tennessee hot landscape, with its leaves turning a radiant red and golden yellow surrounded by rich green grass. Charlotte was trying to relax, reflecting about her wretched day, her pathetic life, and her miserable faith. She was holding an envelope from the local hospital that stated Charlotte Scott, and she wanted to know why her last name was registered as a Scott with the local hospital when she was clearly a May.

Obviously, the hospital has incompetent people working for it, thought Charlotte because she knew that it was impossible for her to be associated with any black person. Heck, my skin is olive toned, and I have no black features in me at all. Charlotte mused as she laughed that the hospital would actually think she was black. Yes, the country fools are making a mistake, thinking that I could look like the brown-sugar Scotts; they must be sorely mistaken. Yet Charlotte started to wrestle with the thoughts in her head and knew that she was a misplaced child, but her parents never told her why yet she certainly was no mulatto. She turned the envelope and examined it, deciding to not open it figuring the rural hospital was making a faux pas. Abandoning the bright sun’s rays beaming through the dining room, she walked up the two flights of stairs to her attic apartment, where it was darker and cooler, throwing the envelope in her bottom desk drawer. Charlotte could care less about some hospital envelope, and all she wanted to know was why her great-grandmother purchased the red-brick twelve-inch candlesticks in an exotic land a hundred years ago. She contemplated if her issues were all in her head, and wondered if God could hear her sorrowful prayers.

It was earlier today, driving in her decade-old navy blue Toyota Camry from her stressful middle school teaching job as a music teacher, her eyes crusted with dried tears and her underarms drenched with the stench of sweat, that she knew it was time. After seeing her dilapidated town and looking at the bleak landscape that drove her insane with its mundane quietness, Charlotte would think about the separation of the races, yet mostly about how segregated her town still was. She also wanted to find out about the Scotts and the Davidsons, black people whom her parents would talk about, but never share intimate details of their lives with her. In fact, Charlotte only thought the town of twenty thousand residents was a dump because she was feeling so stuck, when in fact, the town served as a model community for historic preservation. The town contained numerous parks and remodeled plantations, but all Charlotte felt when she would look at her town was desperation.

Charlotte was wearing a light blue shirt that stuck to her sweaty back, and the heat was making her feel stuck in the car and in her life, she knew that the only way out was to evacuate via an education. It was only three weeks into a new school year, and she had already been cursed at six times, disliked that her middle school students referred to her as Miz Maz, spelling the name on the whiteboard before class, and the new principal just gave her a mediocre evaluation. It was then that Charlotte was questioning herself and if she was meant to be an educator. For some reason, Charlotte felt she was no longer lighting her education world, but instead snuffing out her passion because of her need to escape her present reality. Her parents said she was in her calling, but for some reason, Charlotte felt compelled that she needed a life education—but in what, she was not sure. Her first name sounded like charlatan, a hypocrite, but Charlotte was no fraud; she was real, not knowing more than what she currently possesses, but always wondered why she looked so darn different from the rest of her family.

In grade school, students would mock her and call her a charlatan while laughing at her, saying she was not real and should go back to where she belonged. Back to where? Charlotte would ask herself as she cried telling her parents who urged her to just stick with Reed and ignore the others. It angered Charlotte that she looked so different from her classmates, but Reed, her childhood best friend, was her confidant and greatest defender chasing after students who were dedicated in making Charlotte’s life miserable.

Her name was very similar to Charlotte Mason, the British education reformer and a leader in home school education, but Charlotte felt that despite her need to earn an education elsewhere, she truly needed to be educated on life matters. Charlotte never felt merry about her last name being May because it reminded her of flowers and a future summer break, but in her life she was never approaching any rosy moments, and she always felt that she was working toward a never-ending goal that was perpetually tiring. Nevertheless, Charlotte wanted to disappear and leave this dump-of-a-Tennessee town, ninety minutes outside of Memphis, but she felt stuck. Driving twenty miles over the speed limit on a two-lane rural route road and hoping for a new car, Charlotte needed a breakthrough. Deep in her soul, she knew it was time to finish her education. Charlotte needed a life makeover, including a new name and town, and the only way she knew out was to apply to her dream school.

This time she was determined to win and enter a prestigious university earning her Ph.D. She had tried several times before, each time receiving a rejection letter. Charlotte was so discouraged and depressed after each year of being rejected from doctorate programs that she decided to stop applying. After both of her alma maters of receiving her bachelor’s and master’s rejected her for a doctorate program, she lost all hope for two years. However, today was the final tipping point for her. She decided to pursue her dream school and hopefully her determination and prayers would accept her into a doctorate program. She would apply to only this school, her last hope, a remnant of sorts that if she received a no, she would move on, marry Reed with his mousey brown hair, and settle her mind that she was not doctorate material, but an average woman destined to live an ordinary life.

Hardship often prepares an ordinary person for an extraordinary destiny. (C. S. Lewis)

Yet Charlotte despised average and desired recognition and acceptance hoping to receive it if she left the small-town community that was home, but not her life. Charlotte was bright, intelligent, and very witty. Her dark brown curls were known throughout the town as dark chocolate drops, because in the sunlight, her hair shone with such brilliance. Charlotte graduated as valedictorian from her high school of only 150 seniors, receiving a full scholarship to Vanderbilt University, and four years later won a fellowship to The Boston Conservatory where she earned a master’s degree in music education. Charlotte was a musician at heart and a born educator. She believed that she was destined for a life of music composition and symphonies. However, her small-town dreams left her stuck—too comfortable to leave and too scared to rebel against the same southern mind-set as her family.

For the past ten years, Charlotte worked as a middle-school music teacher; had experience as an adjunct instructor, where she rebelled against her family for two years escaping to Memphis and teaching at a local college; accompanied her local church choir; and gave private music lessons to the youth in her community. Ten years transformed Charlotte, and she was losing sight of her goal of returning to school, but she was determined to earn enough money to work her way out of her bleak Tennessee existence. Charlotte appreciated the state’s motto as a meeting place, but she felt out of place in her family and her town wanting to meet and settle elsewhere, anywhere but Tennessee. She had a resemblance to her father, but no one in her immediate family had her dark brown hair, her dark eyes, or her olive complexion. To make matters worse, Charlotte was always being told no, the door slamming in her face when she applied to any doctorate program. The hardest transformation in her life occurred over ten years ago when no marriage proposal or job prospects proved promising in Boston despite Charlotte’s yearning to remain in the city she loved. Charlotte dredged the memory of fourteen failed interviews, even interviewing the day before her graduation. She was happy that her parents were proudly beaming as she crossed the stage earning her master’s, but inside she was screaming and crying in immeasurable pain. She wanted to stay in Boston after earning her master’s degree, but the day of her graduation, her parents promptly helped her clean out her campus graduate apartment, and she was flying back home with the promise as an accompanist at her local church after the previous accompanist retired.

Charlotte’s parents, who were both in their early sixties, believed in education and hard work. Her parents attended a state college and truly liked the fact that Charlotte was quite motivated. Her mother was an accountant, and her father was a banker. Both liked working and making money. However, Mrs. May came from a wealthy family; her great-great-grandfather was a confederate general. Her mother was too southern for Charlotte, too proper, and it sickened her that her inheritance came from a man who once owned a group of people referring to them in derogatory terms. Charlotte remembered going to tent rallies and barn meetings held to discriminate and scheme against African Americans.

However, Charlotte recalled that her father would rarely attend, and her mother stopped attending when Charlotte was six years old stating, Times are changing, and I cannot keep fighting against a race of people.

Charlotte felt stuck in her family as the middle child, but she was more successful than her younger sister, Roxanne, who failed miserably, breaking all generational expectations when she gave birth in high school. Roxanne was the total opposite of Charlotte and the family values she was raised with. Roxanne became pregnant with twins at a mere age of fifteen and started a life of partying and socializing that led to her earning a permanent room in her parents’ house. Roxanne eventually moved out five years after Nadine and Sapphire were already settled in kindergarten. Roxanne experienced an epiphany and God, a personal revival, and she quickly earned an associate’s degree in business administration and bought a dilapidated old farmhouse on the edge of town. It was a three-storied farm house that dated to the antebellum period of Tennessee and was reminiscent of homes that remained in the family. Nevertheless, it was Roxanne’s luck to buy the one house where more than twenty people had died because of the home’s history of being a boarding house, a makeshift hospital, and a family double-murder suicide that happened in the 1930s. However, Roxanne was happy, she was only twenty, had the prettiest twin baby girls, and married a man twenty years her senior. Twenty was her charm number because her life was turning around, and she was also a business owner. Joey Hancock, Roxanne’s husband, was forty years old and a widower. He had two young sons that were six and eight, and Roxanne was the love of his life. Joey paid the meager $25,000 in cash for the dilapidated house and spent another $40,000 renovating it. After six months of renovating the house, a beautiful ten-room bed and breakfast and a house complete with private living quarters (four private bedrooms and two private bathrooms) for Roxanne and her new blended family was ready. At a time when Charlotte was spending every waking hour studying for her GRE and writing the best personal statement and original musical compositions, Roxanne was becoming a stay-at-home mom and a business entrepreneur.

Can you believe that just two years ago you were living in mom and dad’s house and struggling to buy a pack of diapers? asked Charlotte as she was helping Roxanne unpack a box of new supplies in the Florentine Retreat House. This was the name of the bed and breakfast that Roxanne had coined her new venture. The name came to her in the middle of the night, a revelation she called it, when all she had to her name was $1,000. Now, her husband owned Florentine Retreat House and Roxanne’s heart. Joey was worth more than a million because he also owned the local feed and supply store. Yes, I can believe it, said Roxanne. I am so grateful for not being branded a poor, single mother anymore.

Humph Charlotte said wishing that Roxanne wasn’t blessed with babies and love. She is only twenty, and here I am thirty-one and still single.

Yet do you love him? Charlotte asked referring to the graying hair and the slight scar above Joey’s right eye from a childhood lumber accident, and his annoying southern accent that filled a room when he entered. He had the charm and social grace of any southern gentleman and the handsome features of a strong country lumberjack. However, Charlotte despised the relationship and the love he expressed toward Roxanne. Charlotte wanted to erase the southern charm out of him and send him to college. Joey never went to school, yet was very successful. He was also too country for her taste. The way he held his silverware and sat at the table in a hurried, yet shuffled, polite manner made Charlotte snicker at what a country fool he was to her. Charlotte also despised the fact that Roxanne was only twenty, married, and already pushed out two babies from her blonde petite frame standing only five feet two inches and was so tiny. Charlotte, on the other hand, had naturally brown curly hair that was mid length, and was an average height five feet six inches and curvy, but Roxanne always received the looks, while Charlotte received the recognition.

Charlotte was consumed with such silent jealousy for Roxanne, so much that when Charlotte received the news, as she was completing her senior year in college, that Roxanne was pregnant, Charlotte laughed and enjoyed her sister’s downfall. How desperate! thought Charlotte as Roxanne was won over by the charm of a high school junior who worked at the local hamburger drive-in. He later married some woman six years his senior and moved out of state. He never really cared about Roxanne, except that she was blonde, pretty, and willing to explore with him as he wanted to break-in a woman before settling down. An obvious bum, thought Charlotte.

At any rate, the Mays took Jasper, father of Roxanne’s twin girls, to court and won a settlement for back child support and future child support until the girls are eighteen. Jasper nearly fainted when he heard that he would have to pay $250,000 in restitution. He married the next available tramp and left town. Jasper paid Roxanne a scant $500 and told her that when he got on his feet, he would start sending the money. The money never came, and there is still a warrant out for his arrest. Hopefully, he will pay, but Charlotte and Roxanne both doubt it. Three years later, Roxanne is now living her dream and has forgotten about Jasper’s broken promises. Unfortunately, Nadine is the image of her father, but Roxanne does not seem to mind at all.

Charlotte always had talent in music and competed with her elder brother, Timothy, nine years her senior, for that role. Timothy was an adequate musician, but knew that life as a musician would never happen for him. After his choral vocal competitions and his jazz band success, he decided to major in political science and left for a life in California. When Timothy graduated from high school, the next week, he was on a flight to Stanford University and called Tennessee a land of green and grass and flew straight to the sunny beaches. Timothy enjoyed California, Stanford, the women, and the fame that he earned in college. He was extroverted and made friends easily. After four years of Stanford, Timothy entered the law school program and became a successful lawyer. He met a Korean woman and settled in San Francisco. Charlotte was shocked and horrified at what her parents would think about Timothy marrying a foreign woman and staying on the west coast. Her parents always encouraged her to marry someone who was like her, so she knew her parents would protest when they saw the exquisite engagement ring on Emi’s finger. Instead, they loved her. They thought she was so beautiful, charming, and smart. Emi was an emergency room doctor who worked insane hours in San Francisco. When Charlotte met Emi, she was floored by the beauty that Timothy had discovered and very envious of their relationship. Timothy was always popular with women, but Emi was so above any other woman in every way plus she shared the same faith as Timothy.

During the Christmas break of the same year that Timothy proposed marriage to Emi, they both flew home to Tennessee, but Emi had to stay in Charlotte’s room, because the Mays did not believe in the appearance of evil before marriage. Charlotte liked Emi too, admiring her exotic beauty, yet she was so jealous of Emi’s exquisite looks, she chose to despise Emi instead of befriending her. Emi had long jet-black hair, and her skin was so smooth and flawless. Charlotte would just stare at her new future sister-in-law and wonder what she saw in Timothy. Timothy was tall, 6'4 and was a blond country boy that loved California. He was stunning and had charming good looks, but when he opened his mouth his southern charm flowed like molasses. Also, Emi’s complexion was much darker than Timothy’s, a golden dark, the color of caramel. Charlotte thought she was too dark to be Korean and way too dark for Timothy. How can a Korean woman be this dark and loved by my southern brother? This is all Charlotte kept thinking as Emi talked about her life in Korea and her future dreams for their April wedding. Charlotte was consumed with rage that the Christmas was a mist of tears and pain as she watched the perfect couple share intimate pictures and future wedding plans.

Before Timothy proposed marriage to Emi, he flew to Seoul to meet her family. Timothy said that flying Korean Air was a fantastic journey, and Seoul was filled with interesting and beautiful people. Emi’s father is a physics professor who earned his Ph.D. from Dartmouth College and Emi’s mother is a grade-school teacher. He said that Emi’s family reminded him of Lucy’s family, but without the southern predispositions of money. Lucy was Timothy’s first girlfriend, who followed him to Stanford for Lucy Gallagher’s family was very wealthy and maintained their historical confederate roots. The Gallaghers restored a two-hundred-acre southern plantation. Her father was the district attorney, and her mother was a clinical psychologist. Lucy had maids, nannies, and paid playmates growing up and represented the epitome of southern charm. Charlotte just knew that Timothy was going to propose marriage to Lucy. Char (Timothy called her this instead of Charlotte), Lucy and I were not right for each other. Please understand this.

Yet you were so perfect together, chided Charlotte as Timothy tried to comfort Charlotte about his decision to marry Emi.

Charlotte silently admitted to herself that Lucy and Timothy made a beautiful couple, despite her seething jealousy that another woman was taken off the single market, and here she was still single and growing older every day.

Yes, but Emi is my choice now, not Lucy. Emi is the missing piece of my emotional journey in this crazy world. Lucy might have been a complete package, but she was not the right fit for me. I needed someone different and something more out of life. Lucy was glass, whereas Emi is clay, said Timothy placing his hands on her shoulders reassuring her that he knew when he was in love, not Charlotte.

Emi’s family loved Timothy and was thrilled when he asked for Emi’s hand in marriage. Timothy and Emi flew back to San Francisco after a two-week vacation in Seoul and, four months later, were back home in Tennessee.

Emi

I know that Charlotte is not fond of me and disapproves of me marrying Timothy. I feel that Charlotte masquerades her friendliness to me because she fears that her family would disapprove of her character if she has the chance to reveal her true feelings for me. I really like Charlotte, and I just wish that she would see that we are alike in many ways. We could almost pass for sisters or cousins. I mean I look more Asian of course, but there is just something about Charlotte that I see in her that she does not even see in herself.

So, Emi, how is life as an ER doctor? asked Charlotte. Do you see a lot of cute guys? Emi answered Charlotte’s question, but knew her line of questioning was marked with an air of snide that hinted at Why are you engaged to my brother and not someone else?

It’s great, Charlotte. I see a lot of blood, guts, and too much germs to cover me in flu season for the rest of my life, Emi said with a smile that made Charlotte wince.

Timothy interrupted Charlotte’s question-and-answer session, because he recognized Charlotte’s left eyebrow go up, revealing her jealousy and meanness that came through when she disapproved of what was before her. Timothy knew from childhood that Charlotte could be nice, but she was too judgmental toward individuals that were not like her, and he did not want to upset Emi.

Emi and I work around attractive people, but we know to keep our emotions in check. The workplace is not a meeting place, but a place to grow economically, Timothy said to the entire family, but staring at Charlotte. Charlotte recognized the look and knew to keep quiet, shielding her true emotions and guarding her jealous rage.

The Mays laughed, but Charlotte felt a pain of loneliness and heaviness inside. She felt lost and confused. Yes, she earned two degrees, was a bored middle school music teacher during the day, taught online classes through a Memphis community college, provided private piano lessons, and also played as an accompanist every Sunday at church, but she suddenly felt lost as if the world was accusing her of being behind and she felt so sad. Charlotte had always compared herself to her mother who was also petite with blonde hair, and her father had the looks of a strong lumberjack with tan features and blond hair. Cursed as Charlotte believed with dark brown hair, the color of dark chocolate, no one in her family was as dark as her. Her skin was very olive, and her hair had soft wispy curls that people secretly desire and sit for hours under a hair dryer with rollers, but hers was all natural and entirely unwanted. She prayed to look like her family and have blonde hair that, at sixteen, she tried dying her hair in secret, and the brown chestnuts she knew as a child started to wrinkle with green and yellow. Her hair looked awful. It was very traumatic to have to cut her hair into a short pixie cut, but a year later Charlotte’s hair was longer than before. Now, all she envisions is her hair tied back and her being the matron of honor and Roxanne, the youngest, as the maid of honor. What a joke? thought Charlotte as she was praying for an escape out of the thoughts that swirled in her head.

Charlotte tried to contemplate her faith, but she was always wondering what it meant to be saved. Saved from what? Saved from her family and their happiness, saved from small-town Tennessee, or saved from eternal damnation? She was silently praying for rain to wash away her sorrows, the stickiness on her body, and the truth about her current life, but as she was sitting in her parents gray house with red shutters intentionally placing the crimson candlesticks on a white lace tablecloth, casting a faint light that created a ghastly glow on Charlotte’s face reminding herself of why she was so different, so unlike her family that while she watched the candles drip wax on the lace tablecloth creating sticky puddles of dried liquid and puffy wax bubbles, that Charlotte wondered what possessed great-grandmother Beatrice-Grace to buy such ugly candlesticks a hundred years ago.

CHAPTER 2

Deferred Dreams

January 2011-February 2011

The Juilliard School was Charlotte’s dream, the epitome of the perfect academy arts school. To her, The Juilliard School was the ivy league of all performing arts schools despite other highly acclaimed and competitive schools such as her alma mater The Boston Conservatory. It was always just something about The Juilliard School that offered such hope and promise that the institution would grant all of her deepest desires and dreams. She aspired entering the prestigious university and earning a doctorate degree in music composition from such an esteemed institution. Her music compositions were stellar, she had an outstanding work ethic, and her GRE scores were decent. Charlotte knew that if she was accepted into Juilliard, the pain of rejection from men and her false sense of being an inadequate adult would make up for her loss of esteem as a child. Plus, Charlotte was tired of living at her parents’ plantation house. She saved up nearly enough money, a hundred grand, to pay cash for a house in her small Tennessee town, but she was destined for stardom. Plus, her parents prohibited her from leaving because it wasn’t proper, so here she is still living like she was in high school, but she is now a thirty-two-year-old woman, after celebrating yet another year in November of zero eligible marriage prospects leaving her stuck in singlehood. Charlotte once placed earnest money on a modest ranch house, but her father demanded that she retract the offer, telling her, I am scared that you will be mistreated, as a single woman, living in rural Tennessee, on your own.

So Charlotte was at least hopeful of an acceptance letter when she mailed her Juilliard application, while Emi was having the final measurements of her wedding gown, and Roxanne was starting to book guests into her elegant bed and breakfast. It was mid-January, the time of year when the holiday decorations are put away, but too early for any type of Valentine’s Day decorations. The air is very crisp and cool and the air hangs like a wet sponge. Charlotte enjoyed the holidays, but this time of January was very depressing for her. She had spent her Christmas money on January clearance sales and decided against sending money to her overseas charity this year. What difference will my hundred make? Charlotte knew that donating the money was a worthy cause, but she was stingy and saw the faces of the children in some country she will never go to and decided to spend the money shopping online and perhaps in one of the quaint local boutiques.

After another day filled with rude middle school students, Charlotte prepared her place by lighting a mint candle and changing her work clothes to something more comfortable. She wanted to continue reading her copy of Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis, yet she felt burdened by her current life still feeling stuck in her situation unable to see any future prospects outside of Tennessee. Charlotte’s father insisted on spending nearly eighty dollars on a sophisticated phone, and the red light on her telephone was blinking notifying her that You have two new messages. One was from a piano student cancelling her 8:00 p.m. lesson because of a conflict with a scheduled basketball game that she needed to play. Normally, basketball games are not that late in the evening, but the game was cancelled the week before due to poor weather. The other message was from the graduate music department chair at Juilliard.

We are very impressed with your academic and community achievements and are honored that you are selecting The Juilliard School as an option to pursue a doctorate degree. The Juilliard School would like to fly you to a weekend interview session February 3-5 and also would be pleased to have you complete one interview concert as well as a face-to-face interview with our professors and committee. Please contact me by 5:00 p.m. on Friday, January 23. Before the date was announced, Charlotte had already jotted the number down from the caller ID and immediately called the chair back and stated, Yes, I will be at Juilliard for the concert interview and face-to-face interview.

Ten days later, Charlotte was sitting on a plane next to her childhood best friend, Reed Evans. Reed was a high school history teacher and had a secret crush on Charlotte. Charlotte envisioned Reed as a good friend, because he was heavy and had too much niceness for her taste. Reed was cute, but boyish cute and loved to listen to Charlotte play her concert sonatas, and he would sit for hours in her attic apartment where she gave piano lessons just listening and watching. He wanted to marry Charlotte, but she had dreams of moving to this big city called New York City, and he was terrified of leaving his home and folks. Charlotte wanted this dream life at any cost. The Mays did not like the idea of Charlotte flying by herself and auditioning and interviewing in a place she has never seen. Charlotte’s father wanted to go, but he did not have the leave time. Charlotte’s mother also wanted to go, but she could not get off from work. Reed volunteered and Charlotte told him, No.

It was in the airport security line, the morning of her flight, that Reed called Charlotte on her cell phone and stated that he was seated within two rows of her seat.

What in the world— before Charlotte could say, No again, Reed waved at her at least fifteen people ahead of her in the security line. I saved you a spot, he said.

You did no such thing, and what gives you the right—

Because he loves you dear, and you have the best husband in the world, said an elderly woman who was traveling with her husband.

He is not my husband, only my best friend, Charlotte said watching the elderly woman wince.

Some friend, and you need to marry this man, she said.

Reed interrupted, Charlotte, I also brought you a gift.

Charlotte was so angry at seeing small-town Reed follow her to her big city audition and interview that she could not help but force a half smile and say, Thank you when he handed her the card. Charlotte quickly stuffed the card into her purse and started following security procedures of placing her luggage on the counter for screening, taking her shoes and jacket off, and watching Reed smile at her so much she was starting to sweat from his warmness, but she was leaving Tennessee and trying to escape from Reed to find something better in her life. If Charlotte had known that Reed was going to the Memphis airport this morning, at least he could have driven her the ninety miles to the airport, and she could have saved money on her long-term parking tab. Charlotte knew that Reed would have never made it outside of their small town because Charlotte would raise such a ruckus about him coming, that the trip might never have happened. Reed’s only approach was to surprise Charlotte at the airport, because there was no way that Charlotte could get out of the situation. She was stuck, and as the flight dragged for Charlotte, she felt smothered by Reed’s incessant conversations.

Good morning, folks, we are approaching our destination, and all seats should be upright and tray tables secured. We will be in New York City in twenty minutes, said the pilot in such an optimistic tone that it made Charlotte exhilarated knowing that she was on her path to stardom.

This is it, Reed. I am finally headed toward my destiny!

Charlotte, you already are, Reed said. You are a licensed teacher, have experience as an adjunct college instructor, teach private music lessons, plus you lead church service in beautiful music every Sunday!

"No, I mean to fulfill my destiny. I want my own life, a doctorate degree, and to live in New York City! Charlotte said wanting to shed Reed for someone different. A musician would be nice, Lord," she secretly prayed.

Charlotte, I came along to keep your fantasies in reality. I hope you realize that this opportunity is not what you expect and that you may receive a rejection letter in four weeks, Reed said to make Charlotte feel at ease about her current life in Tennessee, but Charlotte knew something else, something better was waiting for her in New York.

Yes, but it’s worth the pain and possible rejection, said Charlotte, ignoring whatever advice Reed had to give her.

Charlotte, all I am saying is that these people and this place is not what you think it is. It’s a Pandora’s box and consider yourself warned, said Reed.

CHAPTER 3

Destination Interview

February 2011

Good afternoon, and welcome to Lowery Suites, said the tall European-looking man with an accent that Charlotte didn’t recognize. Reed carried his ebony luggage while Charlotte handled her purple rolling suitcases complete with red medallion identification markers.

Juilliard had booked one paid room with two queen beds for Charlotte, but Reed insisted that he buy his own room.

"Charlotte, thank you for the offer of staying in your room, but I know that I won’t break the bank to pay three hundred dollars for this weekend excursion. Plus, my airline ticket was only two hundred dollars. Charlotte was amazed that Reed would drop five hundred dollars just like that. She assumed Reed had nothing, even though his father is a prominent doctor, because he wore raggedy clothes and drove a used blue Ford pickup truck. Plus he paid cash for everything. He never even used a debit card. Charlotte watched as Reed placed three crisp one hundred dollar bills on the counter at the hotel.

Thank you, sir, for your hospitality, Reed said as he received the hotel keys, and they made their way to the hotel elevator. Again, Charlotte was ashamed at Reed’s southern charm in such a proper city.

Reed and Charlotte checked into their respective hotel rooms and decided to order room service for dinner. Rather Reed decided to order room service for dinner. Charlotte wanted to go out and see the city, but Reed said, No and that he preferred to share a meal with her and then watch TV.

Charlotte, your audition and interview is at 9:00 a.m. You need to rest up for tomorrow, Reed instructed in a southern drawl as he reclined in the side chair. Why was Reed like Timothy or her father? It annoyed her so much that Reed had the power to control her every move on her trip. Reed paid for the meal of hamburger and fries and even offered to buy a dessert for Charlotte.

No, thank you, Reed. You have done enough, Charlotte said.

Suit yourself, said Reed as he placed a room service order for a chocolate shake.

We can share this shake, you know. A little indulgence never hurt anyone, he said.

A little? thought Charlotte. Reed needed to lose weight. He was not overweight or obese, but more chubby. It was a bit embarrassing to Charlotte despite the attraction she would often have for him. Maybe because Reed is a football coach at the local high school and loves southern food, high caloric dishes such as pecan pie, pork, and fried chicken, Charlotte thought. Still, can’t he shed a few pounds? Charlotte always wanted Reed to lose fifty pounds and she knew that he would probably be extremely hot if he lost weight, but she doubted that she would ever see that day. Reed thanked Charlotte for her company. What for? Charlotte thought again, and he left her room at 7:00 p.m. whereas Charlotte quickly changed and decided to check out the hotel gym. Of course it was empty, and she walked for forty minutes, to release the tension growing in her stomach and neck, far longer than her thirty minutes on her own treadmill and decided to take a shower, watched TV and was out for the night.

The campus was pristine, but had a level of New York City busyness and grime that overshadowed the campus and embodied a large metropolitan. This was the same large city feel that the Mays feared Charlotte would fall in love with. Reed and Charlotte left the hotel at 7:00 a.m. after eating a complimentary breakfast and headed to the subway station. The early morning commute had its fair share of uncomfortable encounters with local New York City residents, and the harsh differences of transitioning to a city that kept moving, never stopping for tourists, so much that when Reed and Charlotte finally arrived at Juilliard, they needed to rest, but Reed’s exhilaration and excitement energized Charlotte. This attention was making Charlotte nervous, and she wanted Reed to go away, but Reed stayed with Charlotte during her registration and while they were waiting for her audition and interview sessions. The attention made Charlotte nauseous because she was eyeing some really cute guys, and they shared quick smiles, but Reed grabbed her hand when walking across busy streets and on the campus.

What are you doing that for? asked Charlotte wanting Reed to release her hand.

Because you see all of this traffic here, and I have a strong order from your father to see to it that you return to Tennessee safe, Reed said, overly concerned for Charlotte’s well-being.

I see. So since my father ordered you as my personal bodyguard, you feel that it is your duty to protect me, Charlotte said, looking at Reed like she didn’t know him.

Yes, ma’am, I do, Reed said, smiling, but feeling Charlotte’s frowns and the awkward silence between them.

Charlotte rolled her eyes and prayed that her audition this morning would go okay. She hadn’t played in a concert hall since Boston. It was at Boston that Charlotte was engaged to Ethan, but that relationship eventually fizzled. Charlotte would have to beg Ethan to listen to her play, and even when he showed up for one of her concerts, he immediately left with a group of friends, telling her he would call her the next morning, but she would not hear from Ethan for another three days. Eventually, Charlotte realized that she was engaged to an alcoholic womanizer and promptly ended the year-long engagement.

Despite her former memories of looking for an admirer in the audience, Charlotte would always have command of the stage. Her fingers would touch the keys, and her entire body fell limp and in motion with the music. When Charlotte was performing, she was lost in her music and forgot about the audience, only imagining herself moving to the beat of the music. Charlotte always completed a concert unraveled, and her movements were flawlessly melodic. However, today’s audition would prove nerve racking. All the applicants who had submitted an application and were hoping for admission were in this room. There were at least 150 people. Charlotte was thankful that she was number nine on the audition list. This was promising to her because out of