Romantic Rain: How to Write a Book in Ten Days

By Jason Flick

A struggling author receives notice that his new book has been accepted in the Worlds largest book fair, in New York City. Then he receives a delayed income tax refund of $1000! Even though it is a forbidden journey, because he is on probation, and he only has two days to get there across the country, he decides to place his bet... and make the journey to see his new book in the world capital of book publishing... New York City.

This fictional account of adult humor is the story of what happened on that trip. Did he make it on this 1000 mile/ $1000 trip to see the worlds largest book fair in New York City? What happened along the way? Did he survive the trip? Did he get caught? Did he find a publisher? Did he find inspiration and meaning to life along this trip... his last road trip before turning 40? Is democracy in America alive and well? These are some of the questions that will be answered if you have the courage to read

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Jun 24, 2015
• ISBN: 9781490761176

Jason Flick

Jason Flick has traveled to Latin America, Europe, Israel, China, and Hollywood. He received the Warner Presidential Award at EIU, and studied Spanish, Portuguese, and German at the Falcon Institute and the Goethe Institute. He completed an M.A. from Ashford University.

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Copyright 2015 JASON FLICK.

Based on Romantic Rain sound recording © Copyright 2011 Jason Flick.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

ISBN: 978-1-4907-6118-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4907-6117-6 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

All illustrations are original copyrighted works by Jason Flick.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Trafford rev. 06/23/2015

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Contents

Notes: This Is Part Of The Book

Introduction

ACT 1: THE JOURNEY

Session 1: The Arrival

Session 2: 4:20 A.M.

Session 3: Apropos, Time Travel

Session 4: 1000 Miles

Session 5: Tapeless Bar

Session 6: 4:20 is…

Session 7: Upped My Speed

Session 8: Misty Blanket

Session 9: World’s Shortest Book

Session 10: Dissed-turbing Things

Session 11: Accelerated Competition

Session 12: Fertile Crescent, USA

Session 13: Lucky Number 13

Session 14: Dead Traffic

Session 15: Urgent Bladder Control

Session 16: On The Off Ramp

Session 17: Pre-Preparation H

Session 18: Detroit Detour

Session 19: Indiana Nooner

Session 20: Double Fines

Session 21: Black Jack

Session 22: Toledo, Indiana

Session 23: Take A Dump Truck

Session 24: Scratch N Sniff Black Top

Session 25: Canned Evil

Session 26: Madam Genevieve

Session 27: Stop The Rest

Session 28: Road Texting

Session 29: Shitty Time Travel

Session 30: I Zoom The I-Zoom

Session 31: The Birthplace Of Ohio

Session 32: The Buck You State

Session 33: The Speed Of Revolution

Session 34: World’s Fastest Movie

Session 35: Coming Down Colossal Valley

Session 36: Nature’s Natural Beer

Session 37: On The Loose

Session 38: American Dragula

Session 39: Thirty Nine Past The State Line

Session 40: Beautiful Dark Cloud

Session 41: Big Fat Rainbow

Session 42: Smoking The Transmission

Session 43: Fingers Crossed

Session 44: Spinning Wheels

Session 45: Revving High

Session 46: Local Phone Book

Session 47: Big In Brazil

Session 48: Tranny Sauce

ACT 2: THE DEADLINE

Session 49: A Rental Car!

Session 50: New Technology

Session 51: Completely Insured

Session 52: Hip Hip Hypocrisy

Session 53: Freaky Fun

Session 54: Spare Change

Session 55: Christopher Columbus Highway

Session 56: New Jersey Transport

Session 57: Passing Cautious Wind

Session 58: Above Ground, NYC

Session 59: 99 Billion

Session 60: Intermission

ACT 3: THE FRONT DOOR

Post Facto Session 61 : The Back Door

Post Facto Session 62 : The Ticking Clock

Post Facto Session 63: Working Title

Post Facto Session 64: Struggling Authoritarian

Post Facto Session 65: Poop Publishing

Post Facto Session 66: Lights Out

Post Facto Session 67: The Emerald City

Post Facto Session 68: Opening Night

Post Facto Session 69: Raison D’etra

ACT 4: THE ESCAPE

Post Facto Session 70: Ex-Change of Change

Post Facto Session 71: The Underground Pyramid

Post Facto Session 72: Smoking Beer

Post Facto Session 73: Spin Cycle

Post Facto Session 74: Flaming Couches

Post Facto Session 75: M69 ***(The Climax)***

Post Facto Session 76: Freedom Farts

Post Facto Session 77: The Penis Code

Post Facto Session 78: Cream Up Your Butter

Post Facto Session 79: Bio-Synchronization

Post Facto Session 80: M53 Beatniks & Beatitudes

Post Facto Session 81: Professional Farts

Post Facto Session 82: Bible Strippers

Post Facto Session 83: Poop Perfume

Post Facto Session 84: The Flatulist

Post Facto Session 85: Floating Poop

Post Facto Session 86: Did Jesus Smoke Pot?

Post Facto Session 87: Strawberry Pottery

Post Facto Session 88: Delete This

Post Facto Session 89: Pet Pimp

Post Facto Session 90: The Butterfly Brigade

Post Facto Session 91: Road Juice

Post Facto Session 92: Piss Popsicles

Post Facto Session 93: Sorry Bitch!

DENOUEMENT: THE GRAND FINALE

Post Facto Session 94: The New Math

Post Facto Session 95: Romantic Rain

Post Facto Session 96: Unleaded Foot

Post Facto Session 97: Author to the World

Post Facto Session 98: Epilogue: How to Write a Good Book

Post Facto Session 99: Emergency Post Script

Works Cited

ILLUSTRATIONS

Illustration #1: Gas Station Goddess

Illustration #2: Bobby Brazil

Illustration #3: Confused

Illustration #4: The Ticket Taker

Illustration #5: The Market Maze

Illustration #6: The Back Door

Illustration #7: Pierre

Illustration #8: Lost Generation

Illustration #9: Bathroom Belle

Illustration #10: Gentleman Scholar

Illustration #11: Free Farts

Illustration #12: Master Of Libations

Illustration #13: Goatee

Disclaimer

This book is a work of fiction. This is fictional adult humor. If this book were a movie, it would be rated R. It contains the opinions, interpretations, and ideas of the author. No one was harmed in making this book. Please do not attempt any illegal, immoral, or impractical activities that may have been contained in this book. Jason Flick does not promise that anything in this book is true, except for his faith in Jesus Christ. Jason Flick is not a pastor, prophet, Jesus Christ, God, the second coming of Jesus Christ, The Jewish Messiah, the Anti-Christ, or the Devil. Jason Flick is not a megalomaniac, or egomaniac, and does not have a God complex. Jason Flick is not a medical doctor, lawyer, pastor, psychologist, or mechanic. If you have thoughts of suicide, please call 911 and seek assistance immediately. If you suffer from a medical illness, or disability, please seek professional medical assistance.

Notes: This Is Part Of The Book

Post Script: Note to self: You can edit this shit later. Don’t forget to change the names, and dates, and times, and the names of the corporate brand names.

Interesting idea: Ten steps to write a book in ten days

Step One:

Quit your job! You need to take ten full days and write all day to get it done! Don’t worry, if you follow these steps, your book will be a big success, and you will be rich and famous. Of course, you could also take a vacation, or call in sick to work. You could also try to plan to do it over a three or four day weekend. Sometimes those happen, like if the 4th of July is on a Thursday. But, then you will miss out on the holiday. You can always buy my other book when you are done, Ten steps to rob a bank in ten days.

Step 2:

Pick a title. It should be something catchy. It should have some zing and pizzazz. Maybe it should be sexy. It might tell something about what the book is about? Some famous titles are, Of Human Bondage, Romeo and Juliet, For Whom The Bell Tolls, The Great Gatsby, The Odyssey, Lust in the Dust, Take This Job and Shove It! Don’t worry, you can change it later. Just pick out a fun or interesting title to give you ideas. Step three pick a main character. Is it a man, or a woman, or a robot, or an animal, or an athlete, or a robotic animal athlete? Is it young, or old, rich, poor, regular, beautiful, ugly, or normal? Once you write your book, you can change the title.

Step 3:

Get a pencil or a pen and some paper. I recommend a pen and a notebook or a journal. The best thing to do, is type it on a computer. Because typing sucks, so, if you can type it right away, then you don’t have to type it twice!

Step 4:

Pick a style of book. This is called a Genre (Jaw-Noo-Rah). There are all kinds of styles. Action and adventure, romance, drama, historical, comedy, science fiction, or tragedy?

Step 5:

Pick a lesson or a theme. What is the lesson, or theme? Here are some examples. Be a good person and you will succeed. Work hard, and you will succeed. Take care of yourself, and you will succeed. Help others and you will be rewarded. Guns are dangerous. Be patient, and you will succeed. Don’t eat too much, or you will get fat.

Step 6:

Pick an enemy. The main character has to have an enemy. This can be a person, or a thing, or a problem. Most of the time, it is a person.

Step 7:

Pick a problem. The main character has to have a problem, or a challenge.

Step 8:

Write the beginning. The beginning has to have an introduction. There are two ways to do it. To start slow and build up to an exciting ending. Or, to start exciting, or funny, get boring, and then get exciting again at the end. I recommend starting with something exciting, or funny that captures the reader’s attention. The introduction shows who the main character is, what the problem is, and who the enemy is.

Step 9:

Write the end. The end will solve the problem, have something exciting happen, and explain, show, or remind the lesson.

Step 10:

Fill in the middle. There are usually 3 acts and the end. Act one shows what the problem is. Act two, gets started fixing the problem, and may have a smaller problem. Act three keeps working on solving the problem, and has another smaller problem. Act four solves the problem and has the ending, and a final summary after the drama of the ending.

Step 11:

Deus Ex Machina! Here is a bonus step! There is a story writing trick called a Deus Ex Machina. This is kind of a gimmick, or a trick. A Deus Ex Machina, is some kind of thing, or unexpected event that helps provide the ending to the story. Usually it is introduced, or shown, earlier in the story. For example, a person might add a lottery ticket to their groceries at the last minute, and forget about it during the story. Then later, when they really need money, find out at the end, that it is the winning lottery ticket!

Or, a person might be cutting down trees with a chainsaw at the beginning of the story and then set it down by the front door when the phone rings. Then, at the end of the story when he is being attacked by robbers, the person could grab the chainsaw and start it up and chop off one of the attackers arms.

Or, a person could accidentally find a mysterious rock in the woods that looks like a fossilized alien head. And then later… I think Deus Ex Machina means God in the machine. Technically, it is an unexpected event that helps resolve a problem. It’s kind of like a miracle. However, it really happens in real life all of the time, we just don’t notice it because we’re too busy living life. Say for example, you buy a cup of coffee every day at the gas station before you go to work. One day, it is on sale half price, so you have an extra dollar. There is one last fundraiser candy bar for sale on the counter so you buy it. That last dollar candy bar gives a young girl the money she needs to go to camp, where she meets her boyfriend, who will one day years later, end up becoming her husband. I don’t know if that’s a good example, but it’s possible.

Step 12:

Editing: Now you are done, and you can go back and change the title, change the names of the characters, change the main character, and edit it and fix it, or throw it away, and start all over.

Here is an example. Romantic Rain is a story about a regular but eccentric man that is about to turn 40 and wants to be an author. The problem is that he wrote a book, and now he wants to publish it. The enemy is himself, because he is poor, and on probation, and stuck in life and worried about turning 40. The end is that he gets one step closer to publishing his book, and one step closer to moving forward with his life. The lesson is that Jesus Christ loves you no matter who you are, and that you should learn to love yourself and appreciate who you are.

STRUCTURE NOTES: Act 1, Act 2, Act 3, Denouement. Fix in editing!

Act 1:

Add graphic love scene in bathroom with gas station girl. Your car is overheating, and you have to wait. She’s an artist. You wrote a book. It costs $1000 and it’s about the search for the fountain of youth, and you’re going to NYC. You give her a copy. You talk about art. You talk about Goya. She talks about art. A customer comes in. You have pretty eyes. You read her palm. You talk about Marcel DuChamp, LHOOQ. You talk about Dali’s wife Gala. You kiss her hand. She’s 21 and in community college, and just broke up with her boyfriend. I’ll give you 20 bucks to show me your boobs? Come on? Why not? I’ll show you my boobs, if you show me yours… haha. Let’s make out. You make out in the bathroom. You ask her to blow you. She goes down on you. She’s never been to NYC. You ask her to come with. She says she has to work.

Act 2:

Your car breaks down, and you don’t know if you will make it to NYC.

Act 3:

She calls you, and takes a bus to meet you in New York City. You go to Carol’s comedy club. You don’t have a condom. She says she’s on birth control. You have sex without a condom.

Act 4:

Her boyfriend shows up looking for her. You almost get arrested for something… You take a cab with no money. You both run away. You lose your cell phone, or she loses her cell phone, or a cell phone breaks. You drop her off at bus station in NYC. You head back home, a success and a failure at the same time.

Denouement:

You make it home… alive and without getting arrested.

Important Note: Be sure to mention and tie in a double meaning to the title Romantic Rain, because the Romantic Reign is the Kingdom of God.

Important Note: Don’t forget to give conclusion, Jesus summarized everything in two commandments, Love God, and Love your neighbor.

Note: Add Thomas Edison, and Pharmaceuticals to New Jersey rant.

Note: Add the T.I.T.S. proposal, because this may be your last book.

Note: Add dustbowl reference for example of need for government regulation and assistance. Farmers did not rotate crops and soil dried out, there was no government research and assistance such as crop subsidies. Families abandoned farms and moved away. Add whaling ships for example of need for government involvement in society. The whaling ships of New England killed too many whales in the 19th century because there was no government regulation.

Note: Add addendum that some new jails need to be built, and prisoners deserve humane, safe, and sanitary conditions. But the government could reduce overcrowding and the number of jails needed by reducing drug offenses, and jail time.

Photo%20%231;%20Self%20Portrait.jpg

Introduction

T his is the introduction to this book. If this book were a movie, it would be rated R. This book is intended for an adult audience.

Hi, my name is Aenon Imass, and this book is the story of a journey of hope that I took… a gamble if you will. I received notice that, that is to say that a young author had received notice that his new book had been accepted, and was going to be featured in one of the largest book fairs in the world in New York City. And, shortly after, he received a delayed income tax refund of $1000!.

Even though it was a forbidden journey because he was on probation and he was restricted from traveling out of his home state of Illinois, and even though he only had one or two days to get there all across the country, he decided to place his bet and take a gamble… and make the journey to see his new book included in one of the world’s largest book fairs in the world capital of book publishing, New York City. He was going to try to promote his book, and to find a large house publisher to get a mass audience for his independent and self-published book.

This book is the story of what happened on that trip. Did he make it? It was 1000 mile trip, and he had $1000 to make it to the world’s largest book fair. What happened along the way? Did he survive the trip? Did he get in trouble? Did he see his book included in the world’s largest book fair? Was it real? Did he find a publisher for his first self-published book? Did he find inspiration and meaning to life along this trip… the last trip of this kind that he would make before turning 40? Did he find revelation into the meaning of his own life? Is democracy in America alive and well? These are some of the questions that will be answered if you read forward.

My name is Aenon Imass, and I am the author. I am a protestant Christian. I was raised and baptized and confirmed in a Lutheran Church. However, in college I participated in a Methodist youth group, and growing up I was in non-denominational ecumenical Christian youth group, and I also participated in the Roman Catholic sponsored Teens Encounter Christ (TEC) program. I have friends and relatives that are Roman Catholic. Also, I am a former teacher and world traveler, and I have worked in the transportation industry.

This is a provocative book written in a stream of consciousness style that I call Narrative Prose, in that it is written like a one sided conversation with oneself. The protagonist takes a journey that leads to becoming a journey of self-discovery and revelation. A journey of metamorphosis if you will.

I am a Christian, but, I am not Jesus Christ, and I am not a prophet, and I am not the Jewish Messiah, and I do not have a God complex. I am not an egomaniac, or a megalomaniac (maybe a maniac?) However, if you read this book, it is designed to inspire and provoke insight, contemplation, even self-discovery.

I hope that you will keep an open mind and learn something whether you agree with my thoughts and philosophy… or not. I am an American Citizen, and a proud American, and I believe in American Democracy and the Bill of Rights, and the freedom of speech, and the freedom of religion. I encourage your disagreement with any of my thoughts or philosophies.

I cannot guarantee or promise the truth to anything in this book, except for the fact that I am a faithful Protestant Christian and a worshipper of Jesus Christ. I do not recommend trying any illegal, immoral, or impractical activity that may be harmful to yourself or others. And I do not recommend trying anything advocated in this book, other than the pursuit of seeking the Christian Faith.

Even though there are parts that are provocative, and vulgar, there are also moments of tenderness, and insight. Thank you in advance for your attention and consideration. I hope you read this to the end, and enjoy the ride.

-Aenon Imus

Post Script: Oops, I forgot to mention that I am also not a pastor, or a lawyer, or a psychologist, or a doctor… or a mechanic. Also… I am not the Anti-Christ, or the Devil.

ACT 1: THE JOURNEY

Session 1: The Arrival

T his is session 1. I’m reading a letter that I got through email through the internet.

Thursday, May 5, 2012

Book Expo Talent Scouts America

Margaret Allison,

Hi,

Just a brief not to let you know that your book has arrived for the BETS America Show.

Thanks,

Margaret Allison

American Book Cooperative

Session 2: 4:20 A.M.

T his is session 2. [Music from the band Funeral Party blares in the background, ironically it is the song, New York City Moves to the Sound of L.A.]

"Get it straight when you’re upside down.

Things are looking stale, it’s time to turn around.

I was sick of the feeling,

sick of image and sound.

You can’t move up without leaving,

And things were getting me down.

Now I know that it’s all been done before,

It will all be done again…

New York City loves to mess around with the L.A. Sound!"

-Funeral Party (adapted quotation)

Testing, testing, 123. Or, as I like to say, Testes, Testes, 123. Test, Test, Test. That’s my favorite gimmick;

Testes, Testes, 123.

Three Testes, I’m glad you be.

Okay, well, it is 4:20 in the morning on Tuesday, May 24, 2012. I am in the Moo-Mart 24 hour supercenter parking lot, and I’m getting ready to start my journey of 1000 miles (approximately), with $1000 (approximately), to New York City, for the 2012 Book Expo Talent Scouts America for the premiere of my book, The Inter-Mission. But, THIS is a New Book. A book, that… I am writing impromptu, improvisized, and improvised, about THIS journey to the Book Expo Talent Scouts America. I am going to try to go straight, 1000 miles, in 17 hours with 1000 bucks, to go view… and visit New York City, the publishing capital of the World, and The Book Expo Talent Scouts America at the Jacob Javitz Convention Center on the Upper West Side, Manhattan, New York City, U.S.A.

So, I just bought this recorder. It’s digital with no tapes or moving parts. And, I hope it works because that is how I am planning to write this book. That’s the beginning of the journey… hopefully this worked.

Session 3: Apropos, Time Travel

T his is session 3. Okay, testing, testing. Recording number three. I’m new at using this friendly little Sunny Electronics digital recording device, so hopefully it’s working good. So, I started this trip at 4:20 in the morning, which is apropos, because I ended my first book… at 4:20. Well, my first book was about road trips, and time travel, and relativity, and relationships, and time and space… but it was kind of weird. And, it ended up being 800 pages, so I’m not sure I’m even going to publish that.

Then my second book, which is the book that is being premiered at the 2012 Book Expo Talent Scouts America in the New Title Exhibit of the Jennings Group, is called The Inter-Mission because it was written as a result of procrastination. It is a book about typing a book. As, I was in the process of typing my first book, when I wrote The Inter-Mission in an attempt to procrastinate typing out that other first 800 page monstrous book. The book, The Inter-Mission, was designed to be an intermission between two other books… that I may not actually publish.

However, that book, (The Inter-Mission… the book that I’m going to view the premiere of), ended with the fact that it was completed at 4:20. I’m guessing that was in the afternoon. I don’t recall. I should have put that down.

AHHH! Excuse me, I have this new compulsive habit of shouting… occasionally. And, uh, so since my last book ended at 4:20, it’s appropriate that this book START at 4:20. Yeah! [pause to cough, hack, and wheez!]. That’s 4:20 in the A.M. (Ante-Meridian!). Sniff. Ahhh!

Uh, so, I’m pretty exhausted. I had a horrible shitty sleep yesterday… night (which would have been Sunday night). Then I got up on Monday because I had to do some computer work. I just dragged ass so to speak. I dragged my ass out of bed to do my work that I had to do, which was already past due several days on some parts. And, I already had several angry emails.

This is the age of email, which you probably already know, unless you have been living under a rock. So, instead of angry phone calls, or angry phone messages, I have angry emails.

You’re late! You’re late! You’re late!

Where’s your work? Where’s your work? Where’s your work?

Get it done! Get it done! Get it done!

I know! I know! I know!

My computer isn’t working! My computer isn’t working! My computer is not working!

So, I had to get up and get that done. And It was a long, long day. And, I didn’t sleep at alllll. And, now it’s 4:20 in the morning. And, I’m heading out on a 17 hour non-stop road trip to New York City. AHHH!

So, we’ll see what happens. AHHH! The Book Expo Talent Scouts America starts today! Today is the first day. AHHH! On Tuesday… Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Today… is the first day.

Why does it start in the middle of the week? I don’t know. I didn’t make it. I’m just in it, okay. So, today is the first day. I’m hoping I can make it there. If I can make it, drive straight through, get there. Then I can get there at night time. Get there at 10:00 at night maybe? Then, good a good night’s sleep. And then get two full days! That would be grandiose!

That would be near perfect! That would be… passing! That would be a passing grade. That would be sixty some percent. That would be sixty six percent. Which is… a passing grade. Which is… good enough, for my first book, which costs $1000 a copy by the way.

So, THIS book, depending on how fast and good it is, will cost a lot less than $1000 a copy. Hopefully that first book, The Inter-Mission, will come down in price later. But, you will have to read that book to find out how and why it costs $1000. That’s a whole different deal.

So… I’m on Interstate 80. I’m leaving my home town of Rock Island County. Which is home of the Rock Island Lines… railroad lines. But, I’m in a car. It’s a 1999 Moozda 626. I’m joining I-80 at about the half way point of the cross country road known as Interstate 80.

Having grown up in Rock Island County, the crossroads of the Mississippi and Interstate 80, I’m quite familiar with Interstate 80. Rock Island County being only miles from what is considered by many to be among The World’s Largest Truck Stops, perhaps THE World’s Largest Truck Stop in the World, The Walcott, Iowa, I-80 Truck Stop just West outside of Davenport, Iowa (cough, hack, wheez) AHHHHH!.

Where did I get 1000 bucks? Taxes my friends… Taxes! God Bless America! Thank you Jesus, for this beautiful, beautiful sunrise, and glorious morning. God Bless America. Thanks to America, for the freedom to drive across the country to New York City in my car.

Um, well technically, I’m not actually supposed to do that… because I’m on probation. I’m supposed to stay in Illinois. But, this is a fictional account… so technically, this never happened. Cough, hack, wheez. Still, I got the $1000 because 2 years ago I got in trouble, and I got put in jail, and I didn’t have time to do my taxes.

And then, last year I DID my taxes, so I ended up getting a double tax refund. And, I just got it in the mail. So, thanks to Uncle Sam. God Bless America. I got 1000 bucks, which is more than I usually get… in a tax return. It’s quite generous. I’m very lucky. I’m very grateful. And… this is what I am using it for!

1000 bucks to go 1000 miles! And, actually it’s 2000 miles. Because, it is 1000 miles to go there to New York City, and then another 1000 miles to return. So, technically, it’s 2000 miles… because it’s 1000 miles each way. Yes. But, I’m going to write this book one way.

I don’t have a title… yet. So, I’m thinking that maybe that’s what I will call it… One Way! Or, maybe Killer K! No, Killer Bee? Or, No, Killer G! As in a killer grand! Because, that’s what people say for a 1000. It’s a G. Like, It’s 50 G’s, baby! I have 2 G’s. A G for 1000 miles in driving, and a G for 1000 dollars in CASH… One Thousand BUCKS!

Thanks to the government… U.S., Uncle Sam, The United States, which is where I am… currently. I’m on Interstate 80 in the state of Illinois, heading East… to New York City! Okay, I’m going to stop now.

Session 4: 1000 Miles

T his is session 4. Okay, so maybe you’re asking yourself… (cough, hack, wheez), why would somebody want to read a book about somebody driving 1000 miles? Truck drivers drive 1000 miles every day. So what?

Well, they made a movie about the guy that invented windshield wipers, so I can write a book about driving 1000 miles to attend one of the World’s biggest publishing conventions, The Book Expo Talent Scouts America 2012, to try to promote the premiere of my book, The Inter-Mission.

So, I am facing some challenges. My car is not running so well. It ain’t running so hot. And, on a side note, I would like to state that windshield wipers are pretty cool, but what they SHOULD have done, was made a movie about the guy that invented cruise control. Because THAT is indeed, an invention worthy of accolades.

So, it is currently approximately 5:00 in the morning. And the sun is rising. And, it is almost June, so it is kind of spring/summer. And, it is gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, weather. It is a little bit chilly, and dewy, and frosty… and the sunrise is… fantastic. It is supremely gorgeous with the pink ribbon of sky wrapping the Earth like a bow on a present. Salmon pastel pink all across the sky, making all of the Midwestern oak trees look like black ferocious animals… giant dragons, or dinosaurs walking across the fields against a sky of fire. What else is new?

The American version of the castle… is the grain silo. All across the Midwest, when driving across the prairie lands and the large open golden fields of grain, (cough, hack, wheez), one comes across quite frequently, the large ominous towers that are just like the large medieval castles of Europe. Only, these are not to protect the headquarters of the local magistrate. These are built to protect the accumulated grain that feeds the WORLD! Held in the protection of these fortified tall towers… is the essence of life that nourishes us all, like the milk of the Earth. These grain silos are… the American version of the castle.

Session 5: Tapeless Bar

T his is session 5. Okay, so I think I’m getting the hang of this digital recorder. It is the dawn of the modern digital age and I’m recording this on a small hand held digital recorder with no tape or moving parts whatsoever. It’s just a small plastic box with a microphone and a couple of AAA batteries. So this is take #4.

My car is giving me trouble. It was in the shop last week. I had a broken fan belt and they worked on it and replaced it. It took them two days. And now, the transmission is not working well as of yesterday. The cruise control does not seem to be working well. The transmission does not seem to be working well. I can only hope for the best.

What did I do to prepare for this big journey? Well, let me tell you something. I did a LOT of homework to prepare for this journey. Today I went to my post office box, which is located at the bus station. This offers a great advantage because I can get 24 hour access to my post office box. This is a lot of fun because every time