Joy: (Maybe This Christmas)

By Sheldon L'henaff

All thirty-something Blake wanted for Christmas was some headspace.

He returns to his hometown of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan to catch up with family and friends, and to mentally sort out the feelings of holiday disconnect that haunt him every December.

What Blake doesnt expect is to run into Dylan, an old co-worker and secret flame from before he came out. With Blake anxious to pick up where they left off, what he doesnt know is Dylan is carrying a secret that will eventually help force him to confront his anxiety towards a season that hes considered a byproduct of mass consumerism compounded by his own relationship issues.

Add a Madonna-channeling drag queen, an indie coffee barista turned singer/songwriter, and a best friend whose family teeters on dysfunction into the mix, it creates the perfect holiday recipe to help Blake rediscover what Christmas is really all about

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Oct 29, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490749808

Sheldon L'henaff

Sheldon L’henaff was born in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, however grew up in various cities throughout the province. His love of both music and writing began at an early age and continued throughout his high school and university years. Between 1995 and 2000 he was an arts and entertainment writer for The Sheaf, the University of Saskatchewan’s student newspaper. Later on he would contribute articles to Saskatchewan gay and lesbian news magazine Perceptions as well as a regular electronic music column called “Freshly Mixed,” to a now defunct Edmonton-based queer publication called Fresh Magazine. He currently is a rave and club DJ as well as part time promoter residing in Edmonton. This is a republication of his first book, Drowned World.

Book preview

Chapter One

The bus shifted gears and jerked a little, stirring Blake out of his sleep while he attempted to stretch out as far as the seat would let him. Through the sunlight peeking out of the clouds from the east, his eyesight shifted as he glanced down the Yellowhead Highway, trying to determine how far away from Saskatoon he was. To his left passed Saskatchewan Place, the hockey arena that also doubled as a boundary signpost signaling Saskatoon’s outskirts.

Blake sighed and leaned his head against the window. The bus jerked a few more times as it slowed and careened onto Idylwyld Drive. The drive toward downtown was everything Blake remembered. And while he knew that nothing had changed since his last visit, instinct prompted him to still search for any significant changes to those familiar areas. When the bus stopped at the intersection at Thirty-Third Street, a huge Merry Christmas sign made of lights hanging from the street post in the center of the traffic island greeted him. It was almost as if the sign welcomed him home, the subsequent lampposts decorated with lit outlines of candy canes, signaling the way toward downtown.

He turned on his phone and waited a few moments while the bus inched closer and closer to the downtown terminal. Blake’s phone vibrated and he quickly pressed one of the side buttons; the message I’M HERE appeared on the screen. He smiled as he adjusted his ball cap and continued to stare out the window.

The bus finally pulled into the terminal and Blake promptly hopped out and stretched. He adjusted the strap on his messenger bag while he grabbed his suitcase and made his way into the main lobby. After a quick scan of the area, he spotted his friend Dave waiting over by the entrance closest to the washrooms. He stood about five feet ten, his baby face still intact from high school. As soon as he spotted Blake, he adjusted his glasses on his face and smiled, Blake quickly heading over to give Dave a hug. The embrace was comically clumsy as Blake found himself trying to pull Dave close to him, his puffy jacket nearly pushing him away. Merry Christmas, stranger. Dave beamed with a smile. How was the bus ride back home?

It felt like forever, Blake deadpanned while Dave grabbed the suitcase and walked over to Dave’s car. Blake then pointed out, I used to do this trip quite often and it felt like I’d never get home. Dave chuckled as he put the suitcase in the backseat, and they both got in.

When Dave shut his door he asked, What do you say about breakfast?

Blake replied, Breakfast would be perfect right about now.

Dave then said, Denny’s?

Blake nodded while Dave began to maneuver the car out of downtown. Blake then asked, Do you have any running around to do today?

I’ve pretty much have the day off today. Campus was closed up last night, so I don’t have to be back unless I get called in to the lab on an emergency.

Blake then asked, How is the IT job going anyhow?

Dave explained, It’s work, and a fucking lot of it as well. Keep in mind that trying to update the university’s aging infrastructure is a huge undertaking. Dave then asked, What about you? How have things been?

I’m doing all right, Dave. Just . . .

As Blake fell, silent Dave asked a few moments later, What time do you want to go to the house?

Blake sighed. Let me mull that over during breakfast.

Dave laughed and said with a smile, Fair enough.

As they drove up to the restaurant, the darkness that had surrounded him upon arrival to Saskatoon had for the most part melted away. The glitter of Christmas lights had now faded as the sun cast a natural glow on the snow. As they talked, Blake found himself glancing around again for things that might have changed since he was away.

They finally pulled into the parking lot of Denny’s, which was situated near the highway that branched out to the great northern unknown vastness of Saskatchewan, one of those back to Edmonton. Blake opened his passenger side door and stepped out, again stretching while Dave locked his car doors.

They walked into the restaurant. The front hostess spotted them immediately and plucked two menus from the slot on the side of the counter and motioned them to follow. She sat them in a booth and sweetly informed them, Your server will be here shortly.

Dave pointed out as she walked away, Is there even a point to opening a menu?

Blake laughed as he reasoned, I don’t get out to Denny’s much in Edmonton. Dave blushed as Blake added, I’ve kinda saved that tradition for us.

Dave then shut his menu and then asked, Is it Christmas?

Blake explained, I thought I was doing okay this season so far. While a server arrived and poured them each a coffee, Blake explained, Every year, Dave, I think that maybe I’m overanalyzing the season. That maybe every year because I’m gay and single, I expect too much for the holiday season. He started to mix in a creamer and a bit of sugar to his coffee. This year, more than anything, Dave, I feel so fucking disconnected from Christmas.

Dave asked, Do you think that it has anything to do with the actual holiday itself?

In my years of retail, I always thought it was the sense of fucking entitlement customers harbored that choked me. People seem to check their patience and goodwill at the door and act like they suck at life. Dave nodded while Blake sipped his coffee and continued, Then I thought that maybe it was the consumerism that’s flooded the season. Obese white-trash fucks with their gazillion kids at Wal-Mart, all scrambling to find that perfect, ever-so-elusive gift for that special someone. That it’s the holiday that Disney, Hallmark, Coca-Cola, McDonald’s, and Sears have all capitalized on to ram the must-haves down their throats.

Blake then pointed out, Or maybe it’s how every musician nowadays has a fucking Christmas song out. I mean, there are a lot of musicians who need to stay the fuck away from Christmas standards.

Dave then asked, You’re still pissed off over that Christmas version of ‘Hands’ by Jewel aren’t you?

No, that’s a record company raping a song and reworking it for a Christmas cash-grab.

They both burst out laughing and Blake pointed out, Christmas music is about Boney M., Vince Guaraldi, Enya, John Lennon, Yoko Ono, and maybe Sarah McLachlan… Blake paused for a moment then elaborated, Only because she does such an amazing rendition of Joni Mitchell’s ‘River’ that nails out of the ball park.

Dave then asked, What about Michael Bublé?

Blake grinned. You only like him because apparently he has a big cock.

Dave blushed as the server came up. She asked, You two ready to order?

Blake placed his order, and once Dave made his, Blake pointed out to her, Make sure his has extra sausage with it. This caused Dave to blush even more while Blake laughed.

When the server walked away with menus in hand, Dave explained, I can see where you’re coming from when it comes to that thing called holiday disconnect.

Blake cocked his head to the side. Holiday disconnect, eh?

Dave nodded and pointed out, It’s what I call what I’m normally feeling during the holiday season. It pretty much sums up all the different things that seem to pick apart at me when Christmas arrives.

Blake then pointed out, It’s not that I don’t love my family. I think they’re the most amazing people on the planet. He then winced in pain and said, And it’s not like I completely hate the commercialization of the season. I mean, I drink corporate coffee as much as the next person, but it’s almost like I’m being beaten over the head with the fucking season.

At least you have an amazing family, Blake. Mine on the other hand is the bastion of dysfunction. Blake laughed and Dave argued, I dunno, Blake. I’m sure everyone says this about how much of a big bag of crazy their family is. However, I think that this might be the year that takes the cake.

Dave then asked, Can I spend Christmas with you and your family?

They laughed again and the server returned with their orders. Blake glanced up at Dave and they started their meals. This was exactly how Blake remembered their friendship. It had begun at the Gay and Lesbian Center’s Youth Night Out when Blake had just started to inch his way out of the closet. And while their friendship had strengthened past that support group, through the years they’d remained the best of friends. Blake would always be the voice of reason for Dave, while Dave helped with Blake’s transition to Edmonton. Breakfast had always been their continual tradition that either occurred after one of their many nights out or just at any random weekend morning. Out of all the things Blake missed about being in Saskatoon, this had been the biggest one.

Once they’d finished, Dave leaned back and groaned, Another one bites the dust.

Blake added, It’s been far too long since we’ve done that. He then asked, So what else do you have to do prep-wise for Christmas?

Dave explained, Just some basic shopping and getting cards before I’m completely finished. He then added, I’m going to Midtown. Does that work?

Blake covered the bill, and they headed back into the car. Within moments they were headed back toward downtown and to Midtown Plaza. Blake had always felt a burst of excitement whenever as a child he and the family shopped at the downtown mall. Whenever they pulled into the underground parkade entrance on the north end of the mall, it was almost like a secret entryway to a completely different world. He would take the escalator up from the parkade into the vast openness of the plaza’s main floor. It had always been a dazzling array of garlands, bells, and lights all carefully hung from the ceiling. Blake was very familiar with all the important spots. From Kapp’s Toys to the theater to Eaton’s, it was always a destination he’d found himself lost in.

Years went by, and a second floor was added. Kapp’s Toys gave way to a stationery store, Eaton’s to what would eventually become HOME Department Store. Despite Blake’s world changing, the plaza had always been one of the sources of holiday wonderment. And despite moving from Saskatoon, there was always a minor reassurance that the plaza would be vibrantly decorated for the holidays.

Dave pulled into the underground parking lot and, after finding a stall, turned to Blake. You sure you wanna brave the torrent of mass consumer culture? Blake nodded and they took the elevator up to the main floor. The elevator doors opened to the mall, and upon first glance, Dave warned, It’s like Christmas threw up all over the mall.

Blake laughed and then asked, Where to first?

Dave explained, Let’s hit your old retail stomping grounds.

As they slowly walked through the mall, Blake commented, I don’t understand some of the couples that shop in the malls.

Dave asked, What do you mean?

Blake then explained, Well maybe it’s just me, but… I don’t understand some of the guys and their choice in girlfriends. He then nudged Dave as he glanced over in the direction of the couple that Blake was describing. Dave grinned as Blake commented, A perfectly hot straight guy and a not-so-hot girlfriend. She parades him around like a fucking trophy. The funny thing is they must sense danger or something, ’cause the moment they see you… wait for it . . .

At that moment the coupled girl noticed both of them and tightened her hand around her boyfriend’s while Dave and Blake both laughed. Dave said, Blake, you’re too funny.

Blake explained, It’s a sad game, Dave. Those girls treat their boyfriends like shit. I saw it all the time while helping out in gift registry.

Really? he asked, and Blake nodded.

Maybe it’s just that I’m bitter because of my shitty luck when it comes to the same sex.

Dave then pointed out, It’s always your own luck that seems to augment everyone else’s success.

Blake complained, It’s the holiday though that always seems to make it worse. This is when I feel at my loneliest. He then pointed out, Life was so much easier when it was Christmas concerts, choirs, handbells, and bands. Christmas before adulthood was less complicated and busier.

They both entered the department store through the fragrance and cosmetics department, and Dave studiously looked over at the men’s counter selection while Blake glanced around at some of the cosmetic displays. Dave then asked, What do you get a man who wears nothing but Old Spice and Axe body spray?

Blake asked, New boyfriend?

Dave grimaced, My dad. Blake laughed while Dave explained, Mom wants to get him something a little more masculine smelling but not… He paused for a moment then said, Obnoxious.

Blake quickly glanced along with Dave, then pointed to the blue bottle on the counter. Try that one by Chanel.

Dave quickly sprayed his wrist and gave it a quick inhale. He then grinned. Never mind that. I might get it for myself.

Blake then pointed out, Gay scent faux pas number one . . .

Never get a fragrance that’s going to smell like a parent.

Dave then said, Just a heads up, Siobhan said the Christmas show is on the Twenty-First at the Odeon. She’s second from the headliner on the bill.

Blake asked, How many acts on the bill?

Dave waved to the sales associate, then explained, There’s about two local acts then her. This means two things. He then pointed to the bottle on the shelf and said, She is guaranteed an audience that night, and she at least gets an hour.

Dave then asked the associate, Can I try this one? She smiled and promptly handed him the tester bottle. Dave grabbed a card from the counter and sprayed a little on it and handed the card to Blake. Blake sniffed it, and he mused, Dolce & Gabanna Light Blue? I think that would work just fine.

Consider it done. Dave then nodded at the associate as she went to find a gift box and wrap.

Blake asked, Do you want to come with me to the Roastery tomorrow to visit her?

Dave replied, Call me in the morning and I’ll definitely tag along.

Blake mentioned, She texted me as soon as I broke the news I was on my way home on Facebook. Blake plucked a tester from the counter, and as he sprayed a little on his neck, he said, "I