I Hurt, Therefore I Am: Fillyosofies of an Old Time Cowboy

By Jon Garate

Back in the early 1600s, Rene Descartes, the father of modern philosophy was struggling with the meaning of life, and wondering if he really existed, or if he was just some kind of awareness fl oating around in the universe. He fi nally resolved that he really did exist. His proof was stated, I think, therefore I am. Too bad for him there werent any old time cowboys around yet, or they could have saved him all that soul searching. Very early in the life of a cowboy, as he picks himself up out of a pile of rocks after being bucked off his horse, he knows for absolute certain of his existence. In the words of author and old time cowboy, Jon Garate, I HURT, THEREFORE I AM.

Who would ever believe that growing up as a wild cowboy in the Old West would nurture the developing mind of a self-made philosopher?

Herein, a reader can harvest-in-full, or glean piece-meal, nuggets ofhorse sense (country wisdom), feasting on the thoughts and ideas presented throughout this work of art.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 28, 2007
• ISBN: 9781465332653

Jon Garate

Jon Garate was raised in the Old West in a unique pioneer background where almost no government existed and people got along quite well. In A Party of One, he uses old time cowboy wit, wisdom and horse sense, and a lot of humor, to present simple solutions (some silly, some serious) for today=s complicated issues. Jon, being well aware of the negative nature of politics, invites you to avoid the feeling of political helplessness by taking on a less serious, yet practical view of the subject. A Party of One will encourage everyone to first, step back and take a more humorous look at their political attitudes, and secondly, step forward and get involved from a simple, down-to-earth grassroots viewpoint.

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Copyright © 2008 by Jon Garate.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To see other books and services by the author or to order signed author copies go to:

jgarate.com

About the cover: You’d look about like this too if you and your horse had just been mashed through a bob-wire fence by a 2500 pound raging bull.

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Contents

FOREWORD

CLAIMERS, DISCLAIMERS,

AND CREDITS

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

APPENDIX I

APPENDIX II

APPENDIX III

FOREWORD

I have studied philosophers from Aristotle to Zizek, with quite a few in between including Cicero, Confucius, Descartes, Fichte, Freud, Laozi, Madhyamaka (Buddhism), Plato, and Socrates. Now don’t misunderstand me here. I’m not saying I understand them. I have my doubts that anybody does.

A certain idea of one Rene Descartes however, got somehow stuck in my mind. Here was a guy who had the time to question whether or not he even existed. He wondered if maybe he was just some kind of awareness, and that all life was just an illusion.

I have noticed quite a few people living in an illusion—like the illusion that they have wealth when all they have is money; like the illusion that medical science will find a way for them to live forever; or like the illusion that government will solve all problems by pooring money on them. (See my book, A Party Of One for an explanation of pooring money on problems.) I see people existing under the illusion that they own a home, while in reality they are so deeply in debt that their house owns them. I see people living with the illusion that they can only have fun while spending money. And on, and on… .

So maybe old Descartes had a point. Anyhow, he finally came to the conclusion that he really did exist. His proof of his existence was expounded in the statement "I think, therefore I am".

A fillyosofer would never need to ask such a question in the first place. I HURT, THEREFORE I AM. Anyone who works with livestock and horses sooner or later, and mostly sooner, experiences pain, and pain is absolute proof of the physical body. It doesn’t get any simpler than that. It doesn’t get any truer than that. As for anybody else, I won’t swear whether you exist or not, but as for cowboys—yep! They exist all right. And the world is a better place because of it.

HELPFUL DEFINITIONS and EXPLANATIONS

FILLYOSIFY: Reality of life as learned by living close to the earth. (From filly—young female horse, and Osify (os)—having to do with bones.) Thus a fillyosify is a law of life based on a feeling one gets in the bones from working with horses; Often it is a feeling of pain caused by the body crashing into the earth. Thus you have laws of life based on horse sense. Good Old Common Horse Sense.

FILLYOSOFER: A fillyosofer is a person who has a question for every answer, and more to spare; Anyone who has spent years scratching a living out of the dirt; Someone who has got up every morning at daylight, milked the cow, and fed the livestock before breakfast, then spent the day buckarooing, or working in the hayfields, all without the benefit of modern machinery; Someone who does this work all year long for one little payday, from which he bought supplies so he could do it all over again next year; Someone with horse sense. All the old-time cowboys, ranchers and sheepherders could qualify as fillyosofers if they’d ever heard of such a thing—which they hadn’t. The word was just invented by me, my-own-self. Pretty clever huh?

PARABABBLES: (1) Fillyosofies with a little mirth, mystique, wit, and irony jumbled into the mix; (2) Theories that are so absurd no one in their right mind would believe them, yet they point to similar theories which are currently accepted as fact, but are just as inane.

BE on the lookout for PHUNS—the deliberate mis-use or mis-spelling of words which if looked at carefully have more than one meaning, or have an encrypted meaning.

UNIVERSAL ANSWER: A fillyosofer has an answer for any question. Not to brag, but I have the universal answer. I don’t know! I can answer any question you ask me with that answer. I don’t know! In reality that is the answer I should give to most questions, but that wouldn’t be any fun would it? So at the risk of being proven wrong in everything I say, I am going to try to give real answers to life’s questions, and hope that some will actually prove to be right.

USEFUL INFORMATION IN READING THIS BOOK: For the most part, I have shown the basic fillyosofies in Italics. Also I have used Italics to indicate sarcasm such as civilization. It is my fillyosofy that Civilization don’t necessarily mean civilized. That is my experience after having lived in civilization for some time now.

THE BASIS: The foundation of I Hurt, Therefore I Am begins with life among the homesteaders of the Madeline Plains in northeastern California. Imagine a community if you will where homes are anywhere from three to twenty miles apart. There are no law enforcement officers, no lawyers, no judges, and no jails. There are no churches, welfare programs, or insurance companies, doctors or hospitals. Each of the three towns has a bar with no age restrictions on who can enter, yet rarely is anyone seen to over-imbibe. There are no public utilities, no movie theaters, and almost no money. All work is done either with hand tools, or with horses. Nobody locks the doors on their houses. Every house has at least one gun, and everybody, including kids down to about age 8 or 9 knows the safe use of it, and yet people don’t shoot each other.

This ain’t no Garden of Eden to be sure. It is very substandard agricultural land—high desert mountains and plains, very cold in the winter, and very dry. To scrape a living out of the dirt requires working 7 days a week all year long for pennies per hour. Yet, there is time for real living. See my book, Stories From the Livingroom.

THE GREAT DEBATE: Which is the best way of life? Life in the country, or in the city? The debate was in fun, but still serious. Unfortunately, we lost the debate. Not because our way of life proved of no worth, but because civilization, and progress crushed the breath out of it. Well, almost. One of the challenges of a fillyosofer is to revive the debate.

Mind you, I myself am not one to criticize all the modern ways. I love machinery and technology. After all, I’m sittin’ here writin’ this book on a computer. But what I really miss about the old ways is how people interacted with each other. We were called hicks, hillbillies, and wild cowboys, but we sure enough treated each other a lot better than so called civilized people treat each other. And that’s a fillyosofy—a fact and an eternal truth.

I have it in mind to write a serious sociological study comparing the pioneer/homesteader society with modern civilization, but that won’t happen until I finish this book and the next which will be a book The Joys of Barnyard Music.

Sorry! I got a little off track there. I need to get back on track. I figure you need fillosofies to live by so you can get your life as phowled up as mine is. Actually, I’m just kidding. The only times my life has really got phowled up is when I’ve tried to adjust my attitude to accept the values of modern civilization.

So, here are some of my fillyosofies for whatever they are worth which ain’t much, I expect. Not because they aren’t good, but because they require a change of attitude which is always resisted.

CLAIMERS, DISCLAIMERS,

AND CREDITS

DEDICATED TO: my six kids—Shawn, Jonny, Trini, Tony, Tonya, and Maryann. Right now, all of you think my fillyosofies are a bunch of hooey. Someday, probably after I am dead and gone, you’ll begin to have a different opinion. That’s the way life works.

THANK YOU ETERNALLY AND FOREVER: to my wife Connie, who proofreads and edits for me. She’s the one who helps me get my old cowboy phraseology into a form that you civilized folks can understand at least a little bit.

DISCLAIMER: I refuse to take any responsibility whatsoever for anybody who gets their life phowled up by applying these fillyosofies to their own life. These fillyosofies are mine only, as far as I know. I expect that any, or all of ’em will be proven wrong eventually. In the case that they should happen to work, I’ll be glad to take the credit.

READING ME MY RIGHTS: I reserve the right to change my mind about any fillyosofy at any time. Any fillyosofer knows he is going to be proven wrong somewhere along the way. In fact, part of being a fillyosofer is to keep learning, which means he ought to be getting more horse sense. Horse sense is a lot like wisdom, except it has some cow-pies and horse apples tossed into the recipe. A fillyosofer will always be refining and expanding his fillyosofies.

CLAIMER: All fillyosofers and Old Time Cowboys are exempt from bein,’ actin,’ or writin,’ politically correct (pc). Not meanin’ disrespect to the opposite sex, but it just takes too much time, energy, paper and ink to say his or hers each time. Since fillyosofers are also exempt from writin’ in perfect English, he might at times, in order to be pc, have to write His’n or Hers’n to fit in properly in his language known as American, which is what fillyosofers and Old Time Cowboys use. That would take even more time, energy, paper and ink, and maybe necessitate cutting down of another tree for more paper.

If you take offense at his not using his or hers and stuff like that, all the time, it may be more important for you to read this book than most anybody else.

INTRODUCTION

Man’s quest for answers has been with us since the beginning of time, or at least, throughout all of recorded history. A good philosopher will ask many questions, and offer some answers. Many people, unable to figure out even what questions to ask, will blindly follow anyone who appears to have the answers. Then they