Voices

By Benito Camarillo

Thirty-year-old Linda Masters is shocked to her core when she first begins hearing haunting voices in her head. As a beautiful, devout Catholic virgin she is used to receiving admiring glances. She begins to panic when the voices accuse her of deviant acts with men. As she attempts to learn the source of the nasty voices, Linda has no idea she has just been given the challenge of a lifetime.

After the voices become progressively worse, Linda visits a psychiatrist who diagnoses her with paranoid schizophrenia and prescribes medicine with unwelcome side effects. Still determined to pursue her dream of becoming a nurse, Linda enlists in the Army where she attempts to lead a normal life until her condition is discovered and she is discharged. After a failed marriage she returns home. Her voices get worse. One day Her concerned father finds disturbing notes penned by her and commits her to a mental health facility. As she undergoes treatment by a remarkable, caring psychiatrist, Linda learns to control the voices. But will she ever be able to find a soul mate who will love her despite her past trauma and the challenges that lie ahead?

In this poignant tale based on a true story, a young woman diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia must find a way to survive and love while the voices in her head battle for control.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Feb 2, 2017
• ISBN: 9781480842649

Benito Camarillo

Benito Camarillo was born on an island off the west coast of Scotland, and eventually emigrated to Texas with his family. After completing active duty during the Vietnam War era, Benito traveled for insurance companies throughout the United States and Canada. He now calls Arizona home. Voices is his debut novel.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Introduction — Linda’s Purpose

W HILE THIS BOOK IS CLASSIFIED as fiction, it is based on the real life experiences of a person who has been diagnosed and labeled as a paranoid schizophrenic. The stories and characters in the book are, for the most part, based on actual events and real people. Literary license has been taken in order to protect the identity of this courageous young woman, and those who are and have been involved in her life. The key elements, however, are factual.

If the reader has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, or has a family member, friend, or other loved one who has, it is Linda’s desire that comfort and hope may be found by reading about her success in taking back her life from her voices.

The stigma attached to a diagnosis of schizophrenia is in itself, for many, a lifetime sentence to being misunderstood, pitied, feared and even shunned. Despite all the studies done nationally and internationally to date, there is neither a known cause, nor a known cure. Reputable scientists, psychiatrists, and physicians still maintain strong and differing theories of the suspected cause or causes of schizophrenia. The differences also continue in the types of treatments and medications to be prescribed.

Some psychiatrists refer to schizophrenia as a chronic mental illness, mental disorder, or dopamine disregulation disorder, while others simply refer to it as a condition. One contributing factor that most of them do agree on is while stress has not proven to be a cause, high levels of stress (good or bad) tend to make symptoms worse. This belief, supported by Dr. Allen, is something that has enabled Linda to control her condition to avoid the auditory hallucinations—those frightening and disgusting voices. She monitors her own feelings regarding stress levels and anxiety. Whenever she senses the levels rising too rapidly, she changes her environment to a less stressful one. She takes small doses of Paxil and Haloperidol daily. If her stress has built to a high level, she takes a Xanax pill to help her sleep. She has not had a return of the voices in over four years, and it is now hoped she has them well under control.

The credit for her approach goes to her current psychiatrist, Dr. Allen, who analyzed Linda and believed that she could become a high functioning and productive member of society by gaining control over her condition. He recommends she needs to stay busy and keep her mind active to avoid depression and the return of her voices. Dr. Allen is opposed to some of the approaches taken by other psychiatrists who keep their patients in zombie-like states with massive doses of psychotropic drugs and highly addictive sleeping pills. With his encouragement, Linda went back to work, proving to herself and her family that she could once again be normal and not a burden to them.

Linda took her approach to life quite a few steps further by taking on the challenges and stresses in obtaining her Master’s degree. Yes, for sure, there were frequent times during each semester that she had to do her stress reduction routine and use pills to help her sleep in order to assure the continued silence of her voices. Linda has adopted a rather pragmatic view of her conditions with the psoriasis and the paranoid schizophrenia. As a result, neither of those conditions is causing her excessive distress. The occasional psoriasis outbreak is minimal, now isolated to a couple of small areas on her legs. If her walks in the sun, the park, or the beach don’t clear it up, she goes for quick, five-minute UVB treatments.

It is my belief that Linda’s father, John Masters, saved her life when he had her forcefully committed to an institution. While violence to themselves or others is not usual for paranoid schizophrenics, as evidenced by the journal notes and profiles Linda’s father found in her room, her mind had spiraled down to the point of danger to her family and herself. Only the names have been changed in the recording of those notes in this book—the rest is verbatim. The original notes in her own handwriting were far more chilling to read for those who recognize her handwriting and know her. It was John’s intervention that allowed Linda to meet Dr. Allen. In going against the former advice of all her prior psychiatrists, and eliminating their heavy prescriptions, Dr. Allen has given her knowledge, milder drugs, and insight that have enabled Linda to take back control of her life. She is now, as the book reveals, normal again.

In researching her conditions, Linda learned that some scientific studies point toward heredity and genetics in both psoriasis and schizophrenia. She has therefore concluded that she will not bear children of her own. In this way, she assures herself that she will not be passing on her conditions. She takes comfort in spending quality time with her nephews and nieces with whom she shares mutual admiration and adoration.

Neither Linda’s employer nor her co-workers know she is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. A few of her closer co-workers know that she occasionally gets a bout of depression, but that she usually bounces back the next day.

Based on studies done by Dutch researchers that began in the early 1990’s (see Reuters article October, 2006), an estimated 4 percent of the populations here and in the United Kingdom, hear auditory hallucinations (voices). Twenty five percent of them, or about 1 percent of the total of those same populations are actually diagnosed with schizophrenia. Many UK mental health experts are trying to change the practice of using that label in diagnosis. They believe that many of the symptoms could come from reactions to some traumatic negative incident or incidents rather than from an illness. The Campaign for the Abolition of the Schizophrenia Label (CASL) proposes that the term schizophrenia is extremely damaging to those to whom it is applied, and implies unpredictability, being dangerous, unable to cope and someone in need of life-long treatment.

It is that stigma and the fear of losing her job that keeps Linda from disclosing her identity in the telling of her story. Linda has intentionally allowed non-medical personal life information and details to be included in this book. In doing so, she has not censored the material. With the encouragement of Dr. Allen and her family, this book is Linda’s way of sharing her success in order to perhaps rescue others trapped by the diagnosis. Many of those have no hope. Without hope, they or their families allow them to be kept in a drug-induced stupor. Those drugs not only stifle their symptoms, but also stifle their ability to enjoy any sort of normal life or relationships with others. Their families are robbed of normal family interaction with beloved family members. Linda recognizes the hereditary possibilities of passing on her condition to a child and thus, she has chosen instead not to marry or have children. The last chapters of this book allow her to experience a romance she believes she otherwise can never have.

CHAPTER 2

Voices

W HEN THE YOUNG WOMAN ENTERED the store holding hands with her father, as usual men turned to look. At age thirty, even then she appeared to be years younger. Her long dark hair was a perfect backdrop for the face of Latina beauty that was hers. Dark skin, high cheekbones, glossy white teeth— and the most gorgeous brown eyes that would captivate any man’s heart and soul if he dared look into them. Her waist was narrow and her figure was almost a perfect hour-glass shape, except she had rather large, firm breasts. Men always stared at her. The men that just stared at her breasts disgusted her. The others, young and old, who smiled at her with brief eye contact, pleased her. It made her feel good.

Within a few seconds of that happy entrance, with her hand in the strong hand of the father she adored and admired, her world suddenly changed. It was at that moment that the voices began. Not happy voices, but mean, nasty, degrading voices. At first, she was startled, and she looked around to see who was saying these horrible things to her.

You slut!

You whore!

Why do you fuck around with that FBI man?

She glanced quickly at her father—he was looking for the aisle he had planned to visit and obviously had not heard those voices. They were so strong, so clear. And she did hear them. She started to panic inside. How? Why? Who were these people? Why were they saying these nasty things to her and about her?

At age thirty, Linda was still a virgin. She had not even kissed a man on the lips until she was twenty-seven! Her mind was racing for answers. At one point in her frantic search, she considered the voices might be from extra-terrestrials who were telepathically communicating with her by mistake. She looked around at people nearby to see if anyone appeared to be staring or concentrating on her. One or two were, but they were young men who stopped smiling and quickly turned away when they met her focused stare. She tried to ignore the voices, but they followed her through the store, until as suddenly as they started, they stopped. She never mentioned them to her father—at least not then.

Over the next year, the voices returned frequently until they became daily events, terrifying her each time they began. They were always mean and nasty, using language she would never use. They accused her of doing all kinds of deviant sexual things with men of all types—at one point accusing her of being an international call girl, charging high prices for her nasty sexual favors, which they described to her in detail. The voices were shocking and what they said was equally shocking to a good Catholic young woman. Linda was still a virgin at that time, and remained one until she married at age thirty-three.

Linda Masters Sol Angel de Maria (sun angel blessed by the Virgin Mary) who was already carrying some burdens and trauma from her past, was now given a challenge of a lifetime.

CHAPTER 3

Looking Back

B EFORE THE VOICES CAME TO her, Linda had wanted to be in the medical field. She had already graduated from University. Troubled as she was, she joined the US Armed Forces in order to be a surgeon’s assistant. Her goal was to aid doctors in helping the soldiers heal. She lied on her applications to hide her conditions, and was sent to basic training camp in Missouri. It was a rude awakening for a young woman who had grown up in a loving, Catholic family with good morals and a respect for God and other people.

This story of Linda Masters Sol Angel de Maria is not just another love story with a happy ending. It is based on the true story of triumph over evil. For the estimated over 3,000,000 Americans who suffer from diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia, for their families and for their friends, this is a story of hope –a story of Voices tamed by a remarkable young woman. There is still a stigma attached to those who are diagnosed and labeled as paranoid schizophrenic, therefore names and places have been altered to protect the innocent. The story, however, is based on the experiences of a very real, very beautiful and very courageous young woman. It is her story of rescue and romance.

Linda’s childhood was happy, not unlike many young Catholic girls growing up in a home with two loving and committed parents, and a brother and sister who all adored her. They never stopped loving her, even during her darkest hours. Linda developed through her teens to graduation with a keen mind and healthy, athletic body. With a 3.89GPA on graduation from High School, she received scholarship offers to various Universities. As she turned 18, all in the world was right for Linda.

Excited to be in college, sharing a dorm with another bright young woman – her whole adult life ahead of her, Linda was overjoyed and optimistic about her future. Then, from seemingly out of nowhere, she was suddenly devastated by an outbreak of psoriasis. It was so bad that 90% of her body was affected with sores and scaling. Even though she explained her situation to her room-mate, she could feel the sudden chilling of their relationship. She was being shunned. Her roommate was telling others about Linda’s psoriasis and the horrible looking scaling. It made Linda feel ugly, undesirable and depressed. At one point, her room-mate had left an unfinished letter on their desk. As Linda was moving it to one side to work, she noticed her name in the letter. She read what had been written and was shocked at the cruel terms her room-mate had used to describe Linda’s problem. She had written that it was like living with a dirty snake