Spirit: A True Life Tale of a Grieving Sibling

By Ashleigh E. Nolz

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 13, 2011
• ISBN: 9781462867301

Ashleigh E. Nolz

Ashleigh Nolz is an ambitious Journalism Major, a multi-tasking afi cionado, and a health and fi tness enthusiast. With the determination to overcome several obstacles and the perseverance to succeed, Ashleigh credits her achievements on behalf of her supportive family and close friends. Ashleigh enjoys challenging herself in attaining new life goals, and finds courage through journaling. Ashleigh’s long term goals are to write and publish a series of books that will offer guidance and a voice to those struggling with the loss of a loved one

Book preview

Spirit

A True Life Tale Of A Grieving Sibling

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Ashleigh E. Nolz

Copyright © 2011 by Ashleigh E. Nolz.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011906898

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4628-6729-5

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4628-6728-8

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4628-6730-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

95353

Contents

Introduction/Prologue

Chapter 1: Forever together, in heart and in spiri

Chapter 2: We reminisce with tears…

Chapter 3: The nightmare began…

Chapter 4: Sisters forever, never once forgotten…

Chapter 5: We each mourn the loss…

Chapter 6: Life continued on…

Chapter 7: The moment that forever changed our lives…

Chapter 8: One of kind…

Chapter 9: Pain upon arrival . . 

Chapter 10: Reason for hope…

Chapter 11: Lies and deceit; our love kept us together . . 

Chapter 12: Missing support…

Chapter 13: Some are left unknown…

Chapter 14: Giving up isn’t an option . . 

Chapter 15: Pain and medication…

Chapter 16: Alive in our hearts, and always in our dreams…

Chapter 17: Symbolism…

Chapter 18: Hope in many forms…

Chapter 19: Funeral . . 

Chapter 20: And time advances; yet, we hurt to move . . 

The Here and Now…

Reference

Sisters we’ll be; now and forever

Introduction/Prologue

Ashleigh Nolz—January 2011

Written from the standpoint of a grieving sibling, this unique creation is a compilation of my own personal views inscribed in the form of journaling.

I hope this story can bring comfort to those who have also been affected by the death of a loved one and perhaps provide guidance to those who may not quite understand our emotional damage.

I’d like to start off by introducing this book as a gift from one sister to another. I want to reach out to everyone torn apart and damaged by a death. This is not exclusive to any specific gender, stereotype, age, ethnicity, or religion.

I had started this book during my time visiting my sister in the hospital. I kept journals, wrote poems and read and transcribed Bible verses onto colorful notecards—which helped inspire us to move onto the next day with a new vision of hope.

Chapter 1

My name is Ashleigh Nolz. As a journalism major, I have a creative mind with a very determined spirit. I lost my best friend/companion/younger sibling to a car accident my sophomore year in high school. Since that catastrophic year, I have not been the same. My personality has altered in a way to protect my very sanity. I have developed perfectionist characteristics which damper my old, free-bird personality. I am no longer as optimistic, open-minded, spontaneous and care-free person as my little sister always was. I live each day praying for the best, while trying to stay consistent with the present. That consistency is translated into obsessive daily routines. My newly derived pessimism reiterates Planning for the future only sets me up for failure. I know that due in time my outlook will begin to revolve; in fact, Rose Kennedy said it best:

It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

These transformations are ever changing. Some days are sunnier than others, but we do not walk alone. There are individuals who may have experienced a similar situation/loss; yet no two individual grievers are the same. We each adapt to life and daily challenges with different perspectives. This book is set to emphasize each emotion and characteristic we may encounter at a different period throughout our bereavement.

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Brittany is and will always be my little sister. Brittany Khrystyne Nolz is a name which has touched the hearts of more people than my entire family could imagine. The day her funeral took place, the church basement, balconies, and pews were filled beyond capacity. Numerous sympathy cards filled our mailbox for months, each one acknowledging Brittany’s kind spirit. Brittany died two weeks after her 15th birthday.

As I began writing this book, compiling all of my memories, thoughts, emotions, and poems, I become exhausted, anxious, and confused. In spite of all the time I’ve wasted knowing I would eventually put my pain to paper, I fight through. I know this is my reality, and by convincing every part of my being that I’m living a lie, in the end, I know the only person I’m fooling and destroying is myself.

We participate in life’s journey, undergo phases of denial and betrayal, but this manifestation I have maintained over my sister’s death is beyond absurd, and has sustained itself too long in my mind. I must now look at my past and know what truth lies in my future. Brittany may not be available for a bear hug, but she is there when I work-out to her favorite videos, when I listen to her silly music, and when I wake up each morning. She is always available to listen as I spout my tears of pain; her charisma will always enlighten my day.

Over time, I have packed away every minute of my suffering into the back of my mind. It’s a destructive power that doesn’t benefit my cause.

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Artwork Brittany created