3-2-1: Three Plays, Three Lengths, Three Genres

By J.J. Parker

3-2-1 -- three plays.
Three genres.
Three experiences.

Like Shakespeare, J.J. Parker realizes that all the world's a stage, but it's stocked with humor, drama, longing, and tragedy.

So is this book.

From the frustrated cell of the characters shanghaied into "The Waiting Room," to the goofball humor of the lazy layabout cousins Tom and John, to the searing boxing ring proving ground of "The Prizefighters," Parker has again served up generous helpings of imaginary grub that will compel attention, and fill an otherwise lonely evening.

Here's three reasons to read that've been plucked from an imaginary need -- so savor the fruits of one man's seminal seed....

Ponder the fate of the prodigal quartet; laugh at the deranged strategems of the dopey duo; duck life's punches with the adversarial father and son.

Read ... and bleed in your insides, for the human condition is a balance between fate and luck, blended with ingenuity and pluck.

Vitality began with your DNA conception ... a fresh understanding of life begins on page one....

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 31, 2009
• ISBN: 9781462842261

J.J. Parker

N/A

Book preview

Copyright © 2009 by J.J. Parker.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

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Contents

Introduction

WHY THREE?

The Waiting Room

A ONE-ACT FANTASY PLAY

Cast of Characters

Setting

Time

Beatsheet: The Waiting Room

SCENE 1

SCENE 2

SCENE 3

SCENE 4

SCENE 5

Beats Workin’

AN (ALLEGED) TWO-ACT COMEDY

Cast of Characters

Setting

Time

Character Breakdown

Beatsheet: Beats Workin’

ACT I, SCENE 1

ACT I, SCENE 2

ACT I, SCENE 3

ACT I, SCENE 4

ACT I, SCENE 5

ACT I, SCENE 6

ACT I, SCENE 7

ACT I, SCENE 8

ACT I, SCENE 9

ACT II, SCENE 1

ACT II, SCENE 2

ACT II, SCENE 3

ACT II, SCENE 4

ACT I, SCENE 5

ACT II, SCENE 6

ACT II, SCENE 7

ACT II, SCENE 8

The Prizefighters

A THREE-ACT DRAMA

Cast of Characters

Setting

Time

Character Breakdown of The Prizefighters:

Beatsheet for The Prizefighters

PROLOGUE

ACT I, SCENE 1

ACT I, SCENE 2

ACT I, SCENE 3

ACT I, SCENE 4

ACT I, SCENE 6

ACT II, SCENE 1

ACT II, SCENE 2

ACT II, SCENE 3

ACT II, SCENE 4

ACT II, SCENE 5

ACT II, SCENE 6

ACT III, SCENE 1

ACT III, SCENE 2

ACT III, SCENE 3

ACT III, SCENE 4

ACT III, SCENE 5

ACT III, SCENE 5

ACT III, SCENE 6

Introduction

WHY THREE?

Those of us old enough to remember NASA’s space program in the 1960s may recall the dramatic intonation by an unknown space administration employee as, while being televised, the final countdown before rocket launch was intoned: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Then : Blastoff! And, from the robotic camera and microphone below the giant exhaust funnels of the monstrous Saturn rocket, we at home would hear the roar of the rocket-fueled engines and see the belches of black-smoked fire as the ponderous white cylinder took flight, accompanied by the triumphant NASA employee’s crowing: We have liftoff!

Thus these visual and auditory remembrances inspired my title for this collection of plays. But why but a countdown of three? Well, in this book there’s only three plays… it’s long enough as it is, and probably no one (including the author) would read four or more successive plays by me (or anyone else).

But why three plays?

I didn’t write these plays in order… I culled them from the purgatoried ones I’d written to reflect three genres: drama, comedy, and fantasy. I suppose I’m trying to show that I can actually write competent, compelling plays in these disparate styles. Also, reading a fantasy inspires whimsy, comedy hopefully induces laughs, and drama should heighten readers’ emotions. All these sentiments should expand readers’ awareness… or at least stave off boredom.

Why the firing order of 1-2-3 if this book’s title is the reverse? Firstly, the one-act play is the shortest, and thus the quickest read. I don’t want to dissuade readers from finishing the book by starting with the potentially tedious three-act drama. Secondly, to continue the rocket blastoff metaphor, the Saturn rocket that sent men into moon orbit and to prowl its surface had three stages, each being jettisoned after its fuel was spent. Desirably, each play, shortest to longest, will please readers enough to compel them to complete the book. (And why write a book if no one will read all of it?)

About the plays… They originally were written as stage productions (thus stage right, stage left, etc.), but could be converted to screenplays with more detailed stage directions, like camera shots. I included only enough stage directions for readers to be able to visualize what the characters are physically doing.

The one-act fantasy, The Waiting Room, is a whimsical production loosely inspired by Jean Paul Sartre’s existentialist play No Way Out. I tried to inject humor into my story to keep it from becoming a heavy message piece. Readers may judge for themselves (without, hopefully, being too judgmental) whether it’s entertaining and/or thought provoking. That is, if they remain awake.

The two-act alleged comedy about the zany and self-unaware cousins originally was a pilot for a TV show. Of course, there’s never been a Tom and John TV show, so obviously the pilot didn’t (and apparently couldn’t) fly. Nonetheless, I’ve written a half dozen or so follow-ups of the Misadventures of the Misplaced Hoosiers, so perhaps some night they will come to life on a nearby TV screen. (And if they’re cancelled, they’ll come to death, as if suffering from priapism.)

The three-act putative drama has scarce humor, but has three resolute—in their own way—characters. A father is determined to prevent his headstrong son from becoming a pro boxer because the son has little talent and would get pummeled without winning bouts. The son—as many young men do—overlooks his lack of aptitude in his chosen profession because he fixates on fame and fortune. He—again, like many youths—is so intent on gaining attention that he doesn’t consider what he is suited for, until the end of the play. (A plot twist is that, until the play’s end, the young man doesn’t realize the aging pug is his father.) And Ruthie, the young man’s girlfriend, is the other anchor pulling at him—he whose wayward orbit is inspired by the vicissitudinous desires of youth—and she seeks to curb his mindless, Adonis-like excesses.

To conclude, I have no conclusion—and the compassless, unanchored life as experienced by humans is similar. As William Shakespeare wrote toward the end of Macbeth:

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more: it is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing. (V.5.25-29)

Ol’ Will sure had a way with words…

By the way, if Shakespeare was correct, I am an idiot, and this book and these plays signify nothing.

But then, sometimes much ado is made about nothing.

—J.J.P.

P.S. This book didn’t cost nothing, so I hope you enjoy it—if not, sell it at a yard sale.

P.P.S. Better yet, read Shakespeare: he said it all…

The Waiting Room

A ONE-ACT FANTASY PLAY

Written by

J.J. Parker

When a man’s verses cannot be understood, nor a man’s good wit seconded with the forward child Understanding, it strikes a man more dead than a great reckoning in a little room.

—William Shakespeare,

As You Like It (III.3.12-16)

Cast of Characters

Writer—An idealistic, attractive 35-year-old man who writes and sells stories for a living; somewhat of a poseur. His last memory before finding himself in the white-walled waiting room: contemplating suicide while running his car engine in his closed garage.

Salesman—A robust, confident 45-year-old man who finds himself in the waiting room after speeding on a highway to an important sales call.

Old Man—A lean, 70ish widower who’d undergone open-heart surgery only to awaken in the waiting room.

Old Lady—A 70ish grandmother wearing a long dress covered by a shawl; she finds herself in the waiting room after having felt faint at home, lain down and fallen asleep.

Greeter—A white-haired (and perhaps white bearded) man, indeterminate age, figuratively holding the key regarding why the other four characters are trapped in the waiting room… and what they’re waiting for, and what is waiting for them.

Setting

All scenes are in a brightly lit room enclosed on three sides by white walls. A bench rests against each of the three walls; the main camera faces the rear wall, as theatergoers would face a stage. (Note: no wall is between the characters and the audience, but for the play’s purpose, the room is considered enclosed on all four sides.) The room lacks windows and seems to have no doors, and except for the three benches, has no other furnishings. There’s no apparent way in or out.

Time

Indeterminate. No clocks or calendars are in the waiting room, and the characters other than the Greeter have no idea what day or time it is, other than they’ve recently arrived in the room—how, they don’t know.

Beatsheet: The Waiting Room

Scene 1

The Salesman and the Writer establish that they’re busy men needing to leave the mysterious white waiting room to return to work. The Old Lady and the Old Man are retired, and reveal they don’t know how they got into the waiting room. Writer notes there’s no apparent exit.

Scene 2

None of the characters is hungry, though they haven’t eaten in a long time. Writer describes his checkered writing background. Salesman brags about his sales technique. Old Man describes his factory work history. As the characters learn about each other, they realize they still don’t know their fate or how they got into the waiting room.

Scene 3

Salesman is impatient to resume selling and earning commissions. Writer rails against fate. Old Man inadvertently lightens the serious mood.

Scene 4

Salesman is peeved at still being captive in the waiting room. He brags again about his sales ability. Writer says he never could sell anything. Salesman, with Old Lady, demonstrates how to effectively sell items. Writer describes his life as a loser, and how he almost committed suicide—or did he actually do it?

Scene 5

The Greeter arrives, surprising the frustrated other four characters. These characters infer that the Greeter represents the hereafter—perhaps as an angel—and that each of them is dead, and about to learn his or her fate concerning the afterlife. Writer, showing more interest in Old Lady’s character than in her withered looks, escorts her through a waiting room opening into eternity. Earlier, Old Man had been shepherded out by Greeter. Salesman learns he will be dealt with by a representative of Hell. Yet Salesman jokes about his sinister fate. Play ends mysteriously after all four original characters’ fates are sealed, though not revealed.

SCENE 1

FADE IN:

INT. THE WAITING ROOM

Screen writing over interior shot says A Waiting Room, Unknown Location

Salesman, head in hands, and Old Man sit on bench against back wall. Writer, hands in pockets, lounges near adjacent wall on stage left. Old Lady sits on bench against wall on stage right, near O.M. One shot S.

SALESMAN

(slaps thigh)

I’ve had it! I’ve got to get out of here! I have dozens of sales calls to make, and the fiscal quarter ends Friday.

W. moves into two-shot with S.

WRITER

You’re not the only one who needs out. My novel is due in final form at the publisher’s next week, but I’m still revising the manuscript. And since I blew my advance, I need money. My novel must hit bookstores ASAP so it can start selling… and I can start earning.

One-shot S.

OLD MAN

(aside as he