Three Thirty A.M.

By Chaim Tzvi Tanny

This book is in honor of my late mother, Faiga (Phyllis) may she rest in peace who passed away on what is commonly known by the misnomer Mothers Day (May 8, 2011 or the 4th of the Hebrew month of IYAR, 5771).

There are four types of people:
1. Naturally humorous
2. Naturally serious
3. Generally humorous, with some seriousness
4. Generally serious with some humor

My mother was raised by a serious Polish-born father with some humor and a humorous British lady with some seriousness. She emulated the best of her parents and passed on these qualities to her sons, especially this one as is evident in the prose.

We hope and pray that these poems will reflect her positive nature and inspire our dear readers.

Please treat this book with respect as there are many quotations from holy writings.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 12, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469190143

Chaim Tzvi Tanny

author does not want to put his bio

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Copyright © 2012 by Chaim Tzvi Tanny.

Front cover illustration by: Rachel Franklin.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scriptures taken from Complete Jewish Bible (CJB) Copyright © 1998 by David H. Stern. All rights reserved.

Scriptures taken from The Stone Edition Chumash (Five Books of Moses) published by Artscroll, U.S.A.

Rev. date: 12/07/2016

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Description of the Front Cover Art

Reference:     Talmud Bavli, Bava Bathra (p.73b)

And Rabbah bar bar Chana said:

I saw a certain frog, the size of the city of Akra … a sea-monster Swallowed the frog … a female raven swallowed the sea-monster … it flew up to perch on the branch of a tree. Observe how strong that tree was.

The commentary, Marasha, describes the analogy: The female raven represents the descendants of Yishmael, the progenitor of the Moslem nations and the first son of Abraham and Hagar, the Egyptian. The sea-monster represents the children of Edom (Italy), the Christian nations. The last of the four exiles will end with the Moslem nations drawing their strength from their original forefather represented by the raven, perched on the branch of Abraham’s tree, until the Messianic Era.

The three clocks represent the Kingdom of Edom ( Roman numerals) and other Christian nations, the Moslem nations (Hindu-Arabic numerals), and the children of Israel (Hebrew-aleph-beit), whose clock face numbers run counter-clockwise, representing our people who have existed, and will always survive against all odds!

Artists

Esther Amster (New York, USA)

Rachel Franklin (Montreal, Canada)

Keren Chumakova (Lida, Belarus)

Chana Bauer (Montreal, Canada)

Typists

Adina Freylich (Montreal, Canada)

Rachel Franklin (Montreal, Canada)

Proofreader

Elliot Newman (Montreal, Canada)

This

book is in honor of my late mother, Faiga (Phyllis)—may she rest in peace—who passed away on what is commonly known by the misnomer Mother’s Day (May 8, 2011 or the 4th of the Hebrew month of Iyar, 5771).

There are four types of people:

1.   Naturally humorous

2.   Naturally serious

3.   Generally humorous, with some seriousness

4.   Generally serious, with some humor

My mother was raised by a serious Polish-born father with some humor and a humorous British lady with some seriousness. She emulated the best of her parents and passed on these qualities to her sons, especially this one, as is evident in the prose.

In Jewish prayer and even Talmudic discussions, poetry has been used as an effective medium to understand and appreciate our Judaic roots. These poems with their appropriate explanations cover a range of Torah concepts usually with a subtle blend of serious humor or humored seriousness.

We hope and pray that these poems will reflect her positive nature and inspire our dear readers.

Please treat this book with respect as there are many quotations from holy writings.

Thank you,

Rabbi Chaim Tzvi Tanny

Montreal, Quebec, Canada

Introduction

This revised version of 3:30 A.M. offers more delightful, educational limericks suitable for children who behave like children, adults who behave like adults, children who behave like adults and especially adults who behave like children.

The alphornist blew a fine tune

Enchanting the birdies of June

No need to count sheep

As all were asleep

But he woke up the man in the moon

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He woke up the moon’s good spirit

The obedient sphere must fear it

My name is in Monday¹

And the high tides of Fundy²

But the alphornist did surely not quit

The Romans… established the seven-day week officially with each day named after the sun (Sunday), moon (Monday) . . .

²The Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, Canada, has the highest tides in the world. There are various factors which contribute to this phenomenon, although the greatest influence is the gravitational effect of the moon as it pulls the water to itself. The time between high tide and low tide averages six hours thirteen minutes (a very easy mnemonic-the Torah contains 613 commandments). The Torah is compared to water, Just like water descends from a higher to a lower level, so has the Torah descended from its place of glory, which is His blessed Will and Wisdom, for the Torah and the Holy One, blessed be He are one and the same and no thought can apprehend Him at all… Tanya, Chapter 4 Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi)

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He blew even much louder

The moon turned to ultra fine powder

The dust it did scatter

But that did not matter

For he blew even louder and louder

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The alphornist blew even more

But did not know what was in store

A Martian woke up

That is quite enough!

So the red planet Mars, was no more

The Rambam (Maimonides) The Foundations of the Torah-Mishna Torah, Chapter 3.9 states: All stars and planets have animating spirits and intelligence. They are alive and recognize their Creator; each one according to its status praises their Creator, as do the angels. Just as they recognize their Creator, they recognize themselves and those angels above them. The level of intelligence of the stars and planets is inferior to that of the angels, but superior to man.

In The Book of Judges (chapter 5) The prophetess Deborah and Barak the son of Abinoam were praising G-d for the miraculous victory against Sisera. In verse 23: Curse you, Meroz, said the Messenger of the L-rd, curse you bitterly (you) inhabitants thereof, because they came not to the aid of The Lord against the mighty.

Who or what was Meroz? One opinion which is brought by Rashi is that it is a star (planet) which did not come to the aid of Israel in their time of need. Note the planet ‘Mars’ and Meroz" are very similar sounding.

The Magen Avraham (Orach Chayim 271:1) . . . states (from Tikunei Shabbos) that the first hour of Shabbos is under the power of ‘ma’adim’-Mars-making it inauspicious to recite Kiddush (sanctifying the Sabbath with a cup of wine and blessings, Friday night).

Perhaps, the alphornist, went too far, by tampering with the Almighty’s creation.

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His melody moved to THE THRONE

The Almighty calls It His Home.

"Your intention is good

As every Alphornist’s should."

But never mess with my THRONE.

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The Queen had a meeting with Castro

But developed a terrible case of gastro

"It’s now time to flee.

For my afternoon tea."

So ended her meeting with Castro.

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The Queen always wore a fine hat

To compliment her pampered fat cat

She can’t walk the street

Without being neat

A royal woman with more than one hat

"In my new book, Life is A Test, that in order to comprehend any one concept, it is crucial to understand that meaning of the Hebrew word, for Hebrew is not just a language (it is lashon HaKodesh) but is the holy tongue in which G-d spoke. Therefore, every word speaks volumes. The word for hair has the same sound as storm,* and that is exactly what happened to the first woman. When she heeded the serpent, an emotional storm overtook her and washed away her discipline, or wisdom. As a matter of fact, even in the English language, to this very day, letting your hair down symbolizes unrestrained conduct. One of the identifying marks of the hippie movement of the 60’s and 70’s was long, wild and uncontrolled hair. In contrast, in the army-where discipline is a basic requirement-hair must be cut and controlled.

When a woman covers her hair after marriage, she is making a statement to herself and to others that she lives with discipline. Her life has now taken on an added dimension, for she now must establish a bayit ne’eman b’Yisrael-a genuine Jewish home. That requires the gift of binah, wisdom, symbolized by hair covering. Some of this perception has filtered down to other nations and impacted their cultures. For example, the Queen of England will not be seen without some sort of hat covering her head."

*storm is Saarah in Hebrew, beginning with the Hebrew letter SOMACH, while the same beginning with a SIN denotes hair.

From: The Jewish Press Dec 8/06, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

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The Beatles let their hair down

These were not your typical clowns.

What appeared so cute,

Attacked modesty’s roots

And brought morality down

And Joseph’s master (Potiphera) left everything he had in Joseph’s care, and did not concern himself with any matters, except the bread he ate (a euphemism for his wife). (Genesis 39:6)

After being in charge of Potiphera’s house for ten years, Joseph became overly impressed with his own success… began indulging in gourmet food and curling his hair, primping himself even more so than he used to when he was a youth. Joseph’s excessive narcissism evinced gross insensitivity to the fact that his father (Jacob) was in mourning over having lost him. G-d therefore set about to correct this by showing Joseph that undue attention to one’s looks can invite undesirable attention from others. (Chabad of California, Kehot, New York, U.S.A. 2010, Genesis p.261).

As Rashi on the verse comments Your father is mourning and you are grooming your hair! I (The Almighty) will invite the BEAR upon you.

(Note: Although the bear appears as a soft, cuddly, HAIRY, creature, one must not be deceived by its outward appearance).

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Who will cover my head?

The queen’s hatter is suddenly dead!

Three hundred and fifty imperial hats

For her royal self and regal cats

Alas, who will cover my royal head?

Frederich Fox, the Queen of England’s milliner, who produced about 350 hats for her highness, Queen Elizabeth, recently passed away (December, 2013), Above all, a creation for the Queen should neither obscure the public’s view of their monarch, nor require her to devote a hand to holding it in place against the wind… (Financial Times, Dec 28, 13).

On June 29, 1967, Queen Elizabeth visited Montreal, Quebec.

Rabbi Hirshprung, of blessed memory, the chief Rabbi of Montreal, was teaching at a local Yeshiva.

Although, in only exceptional circumstances, one may cease learning Torah, this was one of them and the Rabbi insisted that the students greet the queen with the blessing reserved for a gentile monarch Sh’nasan m’kvodo labasar vadam, Who (The Almighty) has given from His Glory to mankind.

The Code of Jewish Law actually advises one to run for this opportunity.

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By appointment to her majesty the Queen

Dark chocolate from Golder’s Green.

Ninety-five percent pure,

Our pounds were secure.

A treat for the bladder and spleen.

But appearance is thick as one’s skin

The chocolate layer is thin.

The sugary paste

Upped the calorie rate

We do not judge one by his skin.

The cardboard tasted so bland

Like the pristine Cancun white sand

"T’ was really our matza

Cut with our hacksaw

But ours was the best in the land

It was really the poet’s request

To purchase only the best

One pound, 100 smackers*

These were not ordinary crackers

Certainly only the best.

•   *100 smackers= 1 ‘c’ note = $ 100.

Bnei Israel, are commanded, From the evening of the fourteenth day of the first month until the evening of the twenty-first day, you are to eat matza." (Exodus 12:8)

There are various reasons why we eat matza. One is stated in the Torah itself (Exodus 12:34) that our people left Egypt in such haste that they could not wait for their bread dough to rise. This unleavened bread was and is matza. It is called ‘Lechem Oni’ or ‘the poor man’s bread’ to remind us of the 210 years of servitude in Egypt, to instill in us a state of humility.

There are two major forms of matza. In many western countries the most common form is the hard form of matza which is cracker like in appearance and taste and is used in practically all Jewish communities worldwide. Yemenites and Iraqi Jews traditionally made a form of soft matza which looks like Greek pita or like a tortilla. (Wikipedia)

Many ultra-orthodox Jews prefer to have an active role in baking their own matzos a) to be involved in the Divine Commandment, and b) to certify that all steps in the Kashrut of the matzos have been observed.

This poet had seriously paid $100/lb for the ultimately kosher matzos, from a local Chassidic Montreal Rabbi who personally took responsibility for the batch of matzos he baked for his family and others. Note that the main issue is to bake the matzos, as fast as possible from the time the dough is kneaded, while minimizing the risk that the matzos should G-d forbid become leavened.

1) With each batch of dough to be kneaded (just flour and water) the metal mixing bowl is kashered in the wood-fired oven or by torch before using.

2) The man who kneads the dough washes his hands after every kneading (about 10-15 seconds per kneading) and dries his hands. The mashgiach (the rabbinic supervisor) checks his fingernails that no dough should be sticking.

3) The kneader changes his plastic coat cover.

4) No one is permitted to talk, lest the spit will come into contact with the dough. Even the women who roll the dough can only initially say L’shem matzos mitzvah- For the sake of the commandment of matza.

5) Every 2 to 3 matzos, the wooden roller is changed.

6) The metal roller that perforates the rolled dough before baking is kashered with fire every 2 to 3 matzos.

7) One person perforates each of the (only) 2 matzos that are placed in the oven by a third person using a wooden pole.

8) When removing the baked matzos and putting in the matzos to be baked, the baker is careful not to ‘pass over’ the baked or to-be-baked matzos.

9) Every 15 minutes hot coals from the oven are dispersed over the oven, to kasher it like new.

10) After the matzos are baked they are put into cardboard boxes wrapped in plastic bags, to shield from any moisture.

The Talmud Bavli (Beitzah 16a) describes in the name of Rav Tachlifa, the brother of Ravnai Choza’ah, taught the Beraisa All of a person’s income is fixed (for the year) from Rosh Hashonah until Yom Kippur, excluding the expenses incurred for the Sabbaths and festive Holidays (Yamim Tovim), and what is spent on ones childrens’ Torah education. If one spends less, he will receive less, if one spends more he will receive more.

One can conclude, from the Talmud that even $100 per lb. matzos, can be justified.

The Almighty guarantees that whatever was paid out sincerely for a higher level of Torah education and Kosher food and drink for the Sabbaths and festive Holidays (Yamim Tovim), will surely be repaid.

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The tap was held wide open

Some words are best not spoken

The soul on the go

The thoughts they do flow

Some thoughts are best not spoken

One of the first benedictions we praise The Almighty for in the morning is:

 . . . Who grants the rooster (the intelligence) to distinguish between day and night.

A commentary on the Tur, Code of Jewish Law, Orach Chaim Chapter 46, the Perisha, explains that the word used to describe the rooster—‘Sechvi,’ is actually the heart of the man or his understanding" i.e., man is granted the intelligence to distinguish between day and night. The rooster reminds us of this