Fear Bruised My Ear: But God Created a Poised Lady

By L. D. Giles

Sex took on a mysterious meaning in my youth. Stepfathers delivery was sudden and not meant to be seen by others. His eyes glazed over with disappointment as he spoke, Ive heard the rumors about you. Why didnt you come to me instead of getting a boyfriend? I can teach you all you need to know. I pulled away with all my power.
Running from stepfathers clandestine agenda, moralistic banishment by Jehovahs Witnesses, and escaping my mothers blind religious views shadowed my life experiences. Decidedly, I grabbed my backpack and threw it out the window. I climbed through my bedroom window landing in the flower bed. While in the dark I clawed through the flower bed finally, I found it and ran. Looking back my stomach churned nervously inside. Ironically, I felt my battle to be free was not over.
Much of the time I awoke from the past struggling in my present life. These are the times I began to write. As a family we feared stepfather as a child I kept waiting for my mother to get stronger against him. As an adolescent I ran away and took responsibility for rescuing myself.
Now as an adult writing it out, sometimes scribbling madly and releasing past secrets did my personal struggle turn into personal healing. While under duress I began to feel, to hear, and know that fear does not rule my life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 23, 2011
• ISBN: 9781453574454

L. D. Giles

L. D. Giles, Msc. D., An ordained minister/ teacher of metaphysics, life coach, author, and poet.

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 by L. D. Giles, M. Msc.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2010913446

ISBN:             Hardcover                       978-1-4535-7444-7

                       Softcover                        978-1-4535-7443-0

                       Ebook                             978-1-4535-7445-4

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

L. D. Giles, M. Msc.

authorldgiles.com,

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Contents

Author’s Note

Preface

Introduction

Part 1: Dreaming Memories

Chapter 1 The Night I Became a Warrior

Chapter 2 Pivotal Hair Raising Moments

Part two: My Past Shadows Me in the Present

Chapter 3 Suspicious Actions and Eerie Similarities

Chapter 4 Journaling My History

Part Three: Standing On the Edge with My Own Two Feet

Chapter 5 Allowing Myself to Fly

Chapter 6 No Going Back

Chapter 7 A Quiet Spot on the Edge

Part Four: Gathering Courage against Huge Let Downs and Set Ups

Chapter 8 Family Matters and Friendly Ties

Chapter 9 Fighting For Me Then and Living For Me Now

Part Five: Memories Questioned But Failed Answers

Chapter 10 A Look Back

Chapter 11 Forming My Own Conclusions

Part Six: Mom Can You Hear Me?

Chapter 12 A Legend in My Heart

Chapter 13 Tearful Surprises and Distant Voices

Bibliography Resource

Encyclopedias and Online Resources

Online resources

Dedication

I dedicate this memoir to my mother with love, and the courage to understand one another. In loving memory, of my grandmother Corine Fields who will always be a jewel in my heart. Finally, in loving memory of my grandfather reverend R. D. Fields for his years of ministry and words of loving wisdom.

Author’s Note

The events contained in this memoir of my life are true. However, I have changed the identity and names of all persons characterized within the events. The only exception is that I have kept my true name and my grandfather’s true name throughout this memoir.

This memoir is based on my experiences involving one congregation that I routinely attended with my mother, sister, brother, and stepfather in Tyler Texas. My memoir is limited only to the occurrences in my own experience.

My intention in writing my life story is to make others aware that abuse and injustice can exist in any home, religion, group, church, or organization. I urge everyone to listen to the children and not ignore them simply because the reputation and or religious denomination of the person seems unbelievable. Take the risk and investigate all complaints. By listening and acting right away could save someone from unnecessary mental anguish and abuse.

Preface

Fear Bruised My Ear

Some members of the Jehovah’s Witnesses organization will ignore.

Other members of the organization will secretly believe.

But there are ones whose lives it affected

Meanwhile they resign me to the past, dis-fellowship and no more.

Hush, be quiet, and keep the secret protected.

Still many members of the organization will read this and don’t agree.

While family members in the religious congregation refuse to be connected.

As I grieve through my life and struggle for courage.

Time runs on some family members say stop, let it be.

In my mind the cancerous secret grows into extra storage.

Wake up, listen, I am hurting because it happened to me.

While he eludes judgments behind lies he hides.

My situation by the congregation was never thoroughly examined and cleared.

Does anyone care that even now I silently cry inside?

Instead family members in the congregation label me as unforgiving and weird.

As a Jehovah’s Witnesses member I had a mom, a baby brother, and a twin sister.

Now a dis-fellowship member all is left between us is unspoken memories and pictures.

I experienced in the congregation that dis-fellowship ones have no voice.

All obedient Jehovah’s Witnesses members must not question but only listen.

Hey this is not up to them, this is my story and it is my choice.

Hush, be quiet, and do not shatter our holy image.

Fore warned you too would be an omission.

But I am a real living person not just a removable blemish.

Be quiet, don’t question the religion at end times your eternal life is at stake.

Their religious views pushed my family against me, painfully separated.

I heard them say that people in the world are unrepentant sinners.

Hush, speaking out against Jehovah’s Witness organization makes you an apostate.

Gossipy hypocrites in the congregation falsely label me fifteen, pregnant, and humiliated.

The organization teaches at end times they are the only winners.

Their texts, their laws taking precedence over my life while shunning non witness kin.

Please stop all the fear and let me be me!

My born again grandmother of Jesus Christ taught me not to be a follower of men.

I wrote my life story to help others like me waiting to be free.

I am in control of my life not the religious organization again.

Through experience now only God in my heart directs me.

From God the great creator I have found my cure over the last twenty years.

Finally forever against the fear that has bruised my ears.

—By L.D. Giles

Introduction

My Childhood Haunts Me

Most of my adult life I ran from the shadows of my childhood reared as a Jehovah’s Witness. Memories of religious fear, clandestine molestation, and abuse clouded my hearing. Each day brought a new episode of challenges colliding with my past that riddled my conscious. It has compelled me to expose the untold secrets.

During my formative years I grew up in a radical religious household in Tyler Texas. My mother was a single parent raising my twin sister and I as members of the Jehovah’s Witness organization. Being confined to the teachings of the Jehovah’s Witness religion and not choosing my own path-raised havoc in my life. Early on this defined what I was without the chance of learning who I was.

At the age of fourteen I walked down the aisle as a bridesmaid along with my sister. We watched our beloved mother marry the man from hell of who came from a respected Jehovah’s Witness family in Tyler Texas.

At the innocent age of fifteen going on sixteen my stepfather molested me. During which time he reined abusive control with fear to our family. Meanwhile he maintained an unblemished image in the Jehovah’s Witness congregation in Tyler Texas.

My mother endured much believing solely in following the totality of the organization’s teachings and rules so as to be saved at the end times. My family home studies were so prevalent in addition to kingdom hall weekly meetings all taken from the organizational books and watchtowers.

Soon my place in the Jehovah’s Witness organization changed. Additionally in this period of adolescence my personality and mania for life was maimed and stunted. The plot of my life among the teens in the congregation grew even thicker.

Adult parents of my peers were headstrong in stepping on others to booster themselves up, or to feel more privileged in the congregation. These particular members did not take the welfare of my life into consideration or compassion in their greater personal scheme. Nor in my situation did they stop to consider how they were contributing to my unspoken family tragedy remaining hidden in my family home.

Covertly, I was condemned by my best friend and peers in the congregation. I was silenced in a religious congregation with an over abundance of dogmatic and personal moral agendas. Sadly my mother urged my silence out of fear while remaining loyal to her husband. After becoming a dis-fellowship member at an adolescent age also caused division in my own family home.

During my unhealthy isolation I became more perceptive of others and the world around me since I was forbidden to associate with any members that I had known most of my young life. I became more withdrawn inward due to the fact that I could not express myself. Therefore instead of growing outward I grew inward. I noticed that I could understand how others were feeling just by being still and observing.

Slowly over a period of time I began to feel when I was alone, suddenly I did not feel alone. Amidst my social exile I became self reliant, found a way out, and left home. Should I break my silence and tell it all? Would mom understand that I am not against her but I am trying to open her eyes? Would my mother read and understand how past events have affected my sister, brother and I? Would my mother finally understand that she can be free from abuse and achieve personal happiness? This is what I have seriously pondered over in deciding to write my story.

This memoir takes you through my daily life and how the past events affected every aspect of living my adult life. Moreover my story shows how religion has divided the association of my family line. I am bravely introducing this history of my life as a healing for all people who are trapped in oppression particularly those who are torn apart by domineering abuse. My hope is to bring personal awareness to connect with God and not lean on others to reach God. Overall my ultimate wish is to reunite and heal my entire family.

Part 1:

Dreaming Memories

Chapter 1

The Night I Became a Warrior

As I wiped the last dish, I heard his shoes knocking against the tile floor coming my way. I continued to keep busy. Gently I sat the dish down on the counter. I grabbed the step stool to reach the high cabinet. Looking up, I wondered where to place the dish.

Let me get that for you, he said strongly, taking the dish from the counter.

I stood there silently all dressed in my pajama top and pants. In that moment I was afraid of stepfather scolding me for not being in bed by ten o’clock. Most of the time he got so angry with us for not obeying the rules and this time mom was asleep. I was alone in the kitchen.

I reckon you’re ready for bed, he asked?

Yes, just keeping the kitchen clean to help mommy out, I answered.

I guess your momma is all tucked in bed then, he questioned?

Yes sir, mommy said that she had a long day at work, I respectfully replied.

Lucent gave me a half smile and walked into the living room. I wondered if he’d just came home since he was dressed in the same clothes he was wearing before he left earlier today.

Chills ran through me. The hearing went out in my right ear and then my left for a brief moment. Deep inside me, I felt, run into your room. A loud piercing hum sounded in my ears. I took a deep sigh. Immediately I rushed out of the kitchen, walking faster than normal.

Sitting on the edge of the arm of the couch, he was waiting. He grabbed my left arm with surprising strength. You’re just walking on without saying good night, not even a kiss, Lucent muttered.

I yanked my arm to get away, but he held it tightly. Pulling me towards him while grabbing this time both my arms, I felt the hard bulge through his shorts. His strong musty body odor almost made me choke. I gagged slightly and caught my breath to call for help.

What are you doing? Let me go! Stop it! I screamed for my mother. Mommy help!

Shush, He glared at me with a sinister look. His eyes glazed over with disappointment as he spoke, I’ve heard the rumors about you. Why didn’t you come to me instead of getting a boy friend? I can teach you all you need to know, he groaned, as his hot fecal breath hit my face. Now I was sucked into a vortex of the unknown. I felt as if I was fighting a black shapeless shadow. I did not want to believe my stepfather was doing this to me. But it was he, there in front of me moving against me.

Stepfather’s eyes stared at me as if he was piercing through my mind. I looked away from his face while I struggled to get free.

I felt the shapeless shadow was an evil veil that took over his soul. Because I could not imagine that he’d convinced himself that he could do this vile act against me. Lucent was always harsh with his whippings and punishments. Now I did not understand why he wanted to force his way on me sexually.

I fought persistently with jerking motions moving apart from him as I cried, Keep away from me! Mommy help!

He then held my arms so tightly that they began to burn. Lucent locked his legs above my ankles. Although fully clothed I felt his stiff bulge moving aggressively against me. He pressed his chapped lips to mine. Vigorously, I pulled away with all my power and will to freedom. I fell back on the cold tile floor tripping over his locked legs. (End of dream)

I awoke from my dream on the floor in a panic. My heart was beating and pumping so fast. I thought that I was still fighting to get away. I realized while my sweaty hands rubbed the carpet that I have fallen out of my bed again. This time the dream was aggressively real taking me back to the past when it all began. Making my night just too damn long.

Dear God, when will that night stop interrupting my sleep, I desperately thought?

I gathered my senses. I don’t know how to get the dream of my past to stop. It haunts me like a slow aching pain inside my heart. I hate that it all happened I do not want to go back to that place again. All I want to remember is the happy times with my mother and twin sister before she innocently married the devil incarnate.

Even though I try to remember those good times with my mother, I can’t so easily. Instead I worry about her because Lucent still resides with her. Since mom is a devout believer in the religious organization of Jehovah’s Witnesses. She does her hardest to uphold their bible laws that the man rules the family. So I think that is why she stays.

Now a grown woman at age twenty-six I am not so traditional. I have severely learned past and presently not to let anyone rule me anymore. Nor will I let these memories of my past keep me down on the floor.

Puffy walked back and forth rubbing up against my shoulder purring loudly. I felt she agreed with me. So I pulled myself up, walked into the kitchen and made some hot herbal tea. I brought the cup of tea back to my room and sat on my bed. I sipped on it as I pulled out my journal and began writing my memories and thoughts from that traumatic night.

These are the times I get angry I continued to write. September 29, 1998 tonight it has been so emotionally taxing remembering the abuse that Lucent put us through. As a family we feared him. As a child I kept waiting for my mother to get stronger against him.

Unfortunately, I know now mom is weakened by his bullied degenerative abuse. So I battle with blaming her. She is lost in his pitiful haze. Regardless I love my mother even now. I drank two more gulps of consoling warm tea. I sat it back on my nightstand.

Though I am not a child anymore, the hurt continues even now gnawing at my insides. I slumped over on my side in the bed. I began to cry again with the pen in my hand. I did not know when I would ever heal from my past. I hoped one day the past would leave me completely.

All I ever wanted was for mom to believe me and understand my feelings. But for now writing out all the pain of the past events in my journal helped me to cope. Instead of holding on to all the injustice inside that terrorized my soul.

Getting drowsy I reminded myself of the blessings in my life. Most of all God gave me a generous and loving granny. Now as I am going through my own rough time she has allowed me to live in her vacant condo. Granny knew I was having difficulties in my current marriage to Jai. She warned me about no good men in my life like my mother has experienced. But I did not know what to look out for before. I stopped writing and put my journal down. Soon sleep took me be back to my childhood home.

I scrabbled off the floor and stood a whole foot apart from Lucent. Just then I heard movement from the hallway. It was Ellen running into mommy’s bedroom. Lucent impulsively stood up from the edge of the couch upon hearing the sound too.

Mommy please wake up! Something is wrong! Leneia is calling for you, urged Ellen!

Mother came out of the bedroom hurrying down the hall with Ellen. What is going on?

High strung over the shock of it all I cried uncontrollably as I tried to explain. He forced himself on me! Please keep him away from me, I cried out!

She is taking it all wrong. It was just a hug good night, Lucent interjected posing like an unsuspecting innocent victim.

Something snapped in my mother. She lost control as her eyes widen hysterically. Mom did not act like her usual passive self.

Did you touch my daughter, huh? she demanded in a loud shrill cry.

Listen she just took my affection the wrong way, he defensively replied.

Mom ran to the kitchen and grabbed a pot from the drain rack near the sink. Lucent immediately tried to restrain her outburst.

You can’t do this to my daughter! mom yelled with authority. Is this what you’ve wanted to do all along?

Calm down woman, Lucent yelled loudly as he shook both of her shoulders!

We watched in fright as they struggled with each other. Lucent tried to convince mom to give him the pot. And mom struggled to pull away from him.

I’m in charge here and I said nothing happened, he yelled back taking control! Lucent pulled the pot away from mother and violently pushed her back into the wall.

Get out now or I’ll make you get out, she screamed as tears rolled down her face!

He squeezed mom’s face with his free hand threatening her. If you call the police on me it will be the last thing you will ever do. I’ll come back here and burn your whole shack down!

He threw the pot on the floor, took his keys, and left out the front door. Screeching loudly outside, I could hear him speedily backing out of the car porch like a maniac driver. Ellen and I held on to mommy as she stood crying. This was the first time I have seen my mother stand up to Lucent. My heart was touched by her strength to take back unity in our family.

Mommy are you alright, I asked her as I wiped the tears from her right cheek? Ellen pulled away from mom slightly but held on tightly to her left hand waiting to hear mom speak.

Um I don’t know what to do. I don’t know, I don’t, Mom repeated in a slurring tone.

Mom held her right hand up to her head as though she had a headache or something. The expression on my mom’s face showed much defeat. I felt mommy’s will had been long broken during her marriage to Lucent which led me to wonder if she had believed his threats.

Ellen let go of her hand to give her more room. Baby Steve’s cries sounded from mom’s bedroom.

My other baby needs me, Mom said slowly. Mom began to stagger aimlessly toward the hallway to her room.

Don’t worry mommy. I’ll see after him, Ellen said consoling mom.

I grabbed mom by one arm and assisted her into the bedroom. She appeared stressed out and very drained. I helped her onto her bed. Mom curled up into fetal position and began to cry heavily. I worried about my mommy as she cried hopelessly collapsed on her bed. I wanted desperately to comfort her.

Mommy I can call someone to come and help us, I suggested.

No, he would retaliate if someone else knew! I don’t want him provoked into hurting us if he gets the chance, Mom wildly cried!

It was obvious to me now that my mother was totally afraid of Lucent. She appeared calm whenever he was calm and she appeared nervous and frantic whenever he was madly out of control. Mommy what are we going to do about Lucent, I asked desperately in a panic of my own?

Leneia, lock the dead bolt on both doors and just let me think, Mom nervously cried.

Ellen was holding and consoling baby Steve while she turned the stereo on low in mom’s room. Ellen thought playing the kingdom hall musical cassette tape would help calm mom and baby Steve. I ran and secured the dead bolts on the front and back doors.

During the night I kept waking up checking on mom, baby Steve, and Ellen. I noticed that Ellen was a nervous wreck and also repeatedly awoke throughout the night. But at some point while listening for sounds at our front door I guess I went asleep. Morning came too fast. Even though I was slightly weary I remained determined not to let Lucent hurt us once more.

Right away I sprang up out of my bed and checked to see if Lucent came back to our home. I peered out my bedroom window with my face pressed firmly against the glass. There was no sign of his truck in the driveway. Opening my door to the hallway I noticed a light on. It came from mom’s bedroom door, as it stood ajar. I pushed open her door and walked into her room. Baby brother Steve was still asleep in his crib. Mom was sitting on her bed brushing and rolling up her hair. I saw reddish bruises on both of moms’ cheeks.

Hi mommy is you ok, I sincerely asked?

Yes I am alright baby, just feeling real tired right now. I decided to call in sick to work for a few days. But I want both you and Ellen to go to school today, mom said.

But mom please, I want to stay here with you. What if he comes back today, I pleaded?

I doubt that he would make good on any of his threats. Besides our son is here with me, My mother reasoned sounding more confident this morning. I really didn’t know what mom was thinking but I knew she tried to calm my fears. Specifically, I got the sense that she didn’t want to discuss last night. She did not mention any details of the evening at all.

I do not want to go either, Ellen agreed as she stood in mom’s doorway.

Go ahead and finish up the school week besides Saturday is right around the corner. Plus sister Bloom left me a message inviting you and Ellen to her daughter’s sleep over. I am thinking of letting you girls so that Lucent and I can talk things over, mom reasoned.

I walked to my room and dressed in my jeans and red shirt for school. I was not happy at all today. And what is wrong with mommy? I cannot believe that she is even willing to talk with Lucent after what he has done. Now I grew tired of crying, feeling weak and certainly tired of being a victim on the edge of chaos. If Lucent wanted to touch me again he had another fight coming!

Walking up to my mirror I didn’t recognize me anymore in that mirror. I didn’t think that I looked good either. I wanted to be anybody but me right now instead of innocent, obedient Christian girl, and victim. As I brushed my hair I decided to change it. I wanted it to look like those cool lady rappers on television. They were strong women, real rebels. I bet they did not take any mess from no one. I took my small scissors and cut off a small area on the side of my head just above my ear. I brushed it down and put a little hair moose on it. Now I thought, perfect.

Come on! The bus will be here soon, Ellen shouted banging on my door! I put on my pink lip-gloss, grabbed my school bag, and opened my door.

Bye mommy, I said running pass her in the hallway. See you later mommy, Ellen said to mom.

Bye girls. Don’t miss your bus, Mom replied following behind us to the front door. Ellen and I ran outside and down the hill to the edge of the black top road. I saw the yellow school bus rounding the bend coming closer our way.

O-o, you cut your hair, Ellen said touching my new short spot.

It looks good doesn’t it, I said proudly thinking it made me somehow stronger. I think much stronger in the way like no one better wrangle with me.

Yeah, but I don’t think mom will like it, Ellen warned while admiring it.

Ellen was always the nervous law abiding daughter even when common sense escaped her. I think it was fear that kept her from trusting her senses. As far as I am concerned, there was no order in our home. Normal did not make sense to me anymore. I think normal is a fictitious word made up to hide the truth and pretend everything is okay. My mom has made our lives appear normal many times in front of others when she knew damn well nothing was simply okay.

The bus stopped right in front of us. We stepped on and Ellen and I walked to the empty seats in the fourth row and sat down. Ellen sat by the window, closed her eyes and took a quick nap. I was sleepy also but I was too worried to a nap on the bus today. I wondered what was going to become of our family after the scary night we’ve encountered. I wanted to believe mommy when she told us that she and baby Steve would be fine today. But I knew logically Lucent had to come home at some point. So I sat restlessly looking over my homework.

We finally reached school. Ellen and I walked together to the cafeteria with our meal tickets and bought a breakfast burrito. Hey look over there. I remember Carrie and Sarah two semesters ago from our middle school. Let’s go and sit at their table, Ellen suggested.

Okay I remember them, I agreed.

Hi Carrie Hi Sarah, Ellen and I said as we sat down at the table. I gobbled down my burrito while Ellen and the girls discuss their classes.

Tall dark and delightful, John appeared in the cafeteria walking three tables over. He had been flirting with me in between classes since the second week of school. Besides he was really nice to me. Soon John approached our table and spoke directly to me. Hi, how is that teacher you have for second period, John inquired?

Hi, so far she is ok I think, I shyly answered. Want to take a walk with me, John asked smiling brightly at me.

Sure, I’ll see you later Ellen, I said stepping away from the table. She waved back at me with a disapproving but curious look on her face.

Yeah I was in her class when I was a freshman like you. She is one of the nice teachers, John informed me as we walked away together.

So do you think that she will give me a passing grade on my mid-term, I said jokingly.

Of course she will. Who can resist those big pretty eyes of yours, John flirted grasping my full attention. "I bet everything you do is grade—A, tops."

My troubled thoughts of home were suspended as I listened to John talk and attempt to prepare me for the teachers during my first semester of high school. I found it very easy to talk to him because he was open and welcoming as opposed to the abuse I was experiencing at home. Feeling his warm attention toward me made me feel I belonged. I felt a sense of myself again.

Now that he was convincing me to hang out with him before first period class began. I thought why not, because right now he was the only person interested in me and as though I was actually important. John made me feel that I mattered during this traumatic time in my life. I considered him a cheerful bright spot from the darkness that I was experiencing at home.

John and I approached the front cluster of bungalow classrooms near the student driver area. There were a group of other guys from the football team and a few cheerleaders hanging around chatting. I saw Tessa conversing with one of the guys standing off to the side. Then she quickly walked away. He came to a stop. We sat on the steps together. We were very close to some of the other guys that were discussing their dates.

Do you know sophomore Tessa Talkinton that Hank is talking about dating, John asked?

Yes I know Tessa. But I did not know that she was dating a guy at school named Hank, I said in a surprising tone.

Yeah I have seen them together a lot between classes, John said smiling eagerly at me. I think they are really a couple.

Well I’m headed over to my driver education class now, I stated to John.

I felt an undercurrent vibe from John that he wanted to say more about dating. Huh? I wonder did John know that Tessa was a Jehovah Witness? Maybe I was feeling peer pressure from him because he knew Tessa Talkinton was dating guys at school as well.

My fourth period class is three bungalows down from yours. So I will definitely catch up with you then, John said pointing at me as he slowly walked backwards.

I smiled at John as I quickly went to driver education class. Suddenly my best friend Marsha ran past me. Wait why you weren’t in the cafeteria this morning, I asked? Oh I am late I just got to school. Are you coming to my slumber party, Marsha responded slowing down? I believe so," I answered her. She waved and rushed on to class. I put my homework on the teacher’s desk in the stack with the others. The teacher began a discussion on driver courtesy and signals. I sat down and listened to the teacher lecture. I was still in amazement about hearing Tessa had a worldly boyfriend at school. I wondered if she was having problems at home also, because I am sure that her parents did not know.

I knew Tessa from the kingdom hall because our families belonged to the same congregation. But it was a struggle to be her friend because she was always competitive even in the simplest situations. Because of how she acted I got the feeling that she really did not care to be my friend.

For the most part high school was feeling totally different from middle school and primary school. Especially different now that most of the older teens from my congregation attended the same high school. I thought it best to stay out of Tessa and the other teen’s business and try to enjoy my new experience of high school.

I resigned the thought of Tessa and her worldly boyfriend because I understood. Since starting my first semester of high school John was very happy to befriend me. John has vocally expressed that he likes me. He has become my friend and my first teen crush. He has this fantastic way of making me laugh taking my emotions to a happier place. Just thinking of John also made took notes in class more fun. (End of dream)

Suddenly I awoke to the present. I heard sounds coming from the front room. I looked at the time on the clock. It was after ten thirty pm. The sounds grew louder like someone was at the front door. I moved puffy to bottom end of my bed. Quietly I walked into the living room.

Don’t worry it’s me, Michelle, She said reassuringly. Has Jai been here at all?

Whew! I am glad it was you girl, I stated. No, I haven’t seen anyone and I have been here all day, I said.

I came back this late hoping that he would be here. I was going to serve him the order myself. That way he could get his immediate belongings and get out like it states here on this paper, she replied.

Hopefully he doesn’t show up until tomorrow because I am too tired to deal with any of his nonsense tonight, I expressed.

"You don’t have to deal with Jai anymore according to this restraining order and kick out order. Take my advice, if he comes here tonight take your car keys off his