A False Kind of Christianity: A Conservative Evangelical Refutation of Progressive Christianity

By Dan Jensen

In this work, Dan Jensen offers the conservative Evangelical community a no-nonsense assessment of the growing and aggressive progressive Christian movement. Jensen provides two chapters of personal testimony, a short overview of the history behind the progressive Christian movement, a brief summary of the teachings of the movement, and then he clearly elucidates the fact that the progressive Christian possesses absolutely no biblical foundation. Jensen makes it clear why this movement must be countered by conservative Evangelicals.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jun 15, 2017
• ISBN: 9781512785135

Dan Jensen

Dan was born in St. Petersburg, Florida and grew up on Aruba. After attending university he moved to St. Croix in the US Virgin Islands and also spent three years in Barbados where his two children were born. Dan did not start to write until after he retired. Aruba Gold is his first book.

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Copyright © 2017 Dan Jensen.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-8515-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-8514-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-8513-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017906739

WestBow Press rev. date: 07/18/2017

To all the genuine-article women of valor out there,

Who would never truly question God’s word.

I have labored in the kingdom next to many of them,

Your service is so greatly appreciated.

The salvation of the multitude is to be preferred to the peace of any individuals whatsoever. Consequently, when certain ones, by their perverseness, hinder the salvation of the multitude, the preacher and the teacher should not fear to offend those men, in order that he may insure the salvation of the multitude.

—St. Thomas Aquinas

Contents

Preface

Part 1 Background Topics

1 My Story: Part One The Years Leading Up To My Spiritual Journey

2 My Story: Part Two My Spiritual Journey Begins

3 Understanding Progressive Christianity

A Brief History Of Progressive Christianity

A Brief Overview Of The Teachings Of Progressive Christianity

Part 2 Apologetics

4 Philosophy

What Is Philosophy?

First Principles Of Knowledge

The Charge Of Arbitrariness

Simplicity And Clarity

Sophistry

Subjectivity And Objectivity

Systematization

Faith And Certitude

5 Positive Apologetics

What Is The Study Of Apologetics?

Revelation

Perfection

The Theistic Proofs

Putting It Together

The Historical Evidence For Biblical Christianity

6 Negative Apologetics

Answering Objections

Refuting Opposing Worldviews

Theocentrism Vs. Anthropocentrism

But What About The Problems?

Part 3 Scripture And Dogma

7 Scripture

Hermeneutics

Sola Scriptura

The Infallibility And Inerrancy Of Scripture

C. S. Lewis

Jesus’s View Of Scripture

8 Sound Doctrine

Theology

Doubt And Certainty

Heresy And Orthodoxy

The Dangers Of False Teaching

Pharisaism

Conclusion

A Final Word To Pc Folks

The Importance Of This Subject

Final Thoughts

Bibliography

Endnotes

PREFACE

B efore saying anything, I want to address the email address that I have set up specifically for this book. I will be referring readers to it throughout this work. It is [e-mail] . Also, if anyone sends me an email and would like either the whole email correspondence or only my response made public, simply make the request and I will do so on my website ( www.dan-j-jensen.com ).

This work will be a scathing attack on progressive Christianity (PC from here out).¹ I am not one to mince words. I, from the very outset, want to make it clear that this movement is destructive rather than progressive, and that it goes far beyond the boundaries of orthodoxy as well, thus making it anything but truly Christian. I know many, even those within conservative evangelicalism (CE from here out),² will find the tone of this work very off-putting. But I ask the reader to put aside the pc glasses for the time being and look with me into what the Bible truly has to say about false teaching and the teachers who peddle aberrant doctrines. We will see that, if anything, I am probably being too mild, and certainly the vast majority of the church is far too mild when it comes to heresy. We will see that from beginning to end the Bible is replete with passages addressing the severity with which we are to reproach false prophets and false teachers and that it is the responsibility of the church as a whole, but especially of her leaders, to expose, refute, and deal with these false prophets and false teachers.

It is in that spirit that I write this work. I do not hate those mired in the PC movement; I sincerely do not. I love them enough to tell them the truth. I know that they, and many others, will say that what I just said is so cliché and no one buys that kind of talk anymore. But it is not cliché. It may be out of style, but it is still the truth and worth saying despite its simplicity and possible overuse. I have no problem hanging out with those who espouse false doctrine (even though I often get the very strong feeling that this sentiment is not reciprocated, especially by PC defenders). I love PC adherents as people and genuinely feel horrible about the future that awaits them if they do not repent. I hate PC; I do not hate in any way, shape, or form progressive Christians.

Next, I want to make it clear that this work is not intended as a scholarly treatise against PC. While such a project would certainly be worthwhile, it is not what I feel called to write at this time. The target audience of this work is the laity within CE, as well as non-scholarly ministry leaders, including pastors, within CE who do not feel called to engage in a great deal of abstract, extremely in-depth theology, but understand the need to be abreast of the key aspects of our faith. It is my hope that many others will read this work as well, but my target audience is the one just specified. It should also be borne in mind that, because of this fact, the prose of this work will have a far more casual and colloquial feel than many might expect. The work will be substantive at every point, but again, it will not be technical. On this note, I would ask the reader to be especially aware of the way in which I use the word we. I will be using it very casually throughout to mean me and the readers, or me and all CE thinkers, etc., depending on the context. I will not be using it in the formal academic sense and certainly never in the sense of the royal we (yuck!).

As far as what constitutes the theology of CE, I will be working under the framework that all groups that adhere to classical Protestant theology fall under the umbrella of CE, and this would include conservative Lutherans, conservative Reformed (not to be strictly equated with Reformed theology, I am here referring to the denominations and churches that officially go by that label, sometimes referred to as the Continental Reformed), conservative Anglicans and Episcopalians, conservative Presbyterians, conservative Congregationalists, conservative Baptists, conservative Methodists and Wesleyans (including orthodox members of the Holiness movement), orthodox Pentecostals, orthodox Independent Bible churches, and orthodox Charismatics. I believe that many Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, Seventh-day Adventist, Christian fundamentalist, Christian restorationist (under this label I am only referring to the Stone-Campbell movement and not the many other groups that are often somewhat erroneously included under this title), and Christian Brethren individuals and churches who do not fully understand or hold to all that their group teaches can also be considered part of CE. But I do not believe that those groups as groups are part of CE.³ I also believe that there are a few (although I would say very few) people in religions other than the ones just mentioned that are indeed saved but are so woefully confused and misinformed that they remain for a time in religions that are terribly removed from true biblical Christianity. Having said that, the Bible is clear that God primarily works through the institutional church and, therefore, the vast majority of the children of God on earth today are part of CE.

As I wrap up the preface, allow me to present my thoughts on my own interaction with PC. I have been heavily interacting with PC folks, both on the Internet and in person, for the past few years. In that time, I have consistently found that the vast majority of those within this movement are some of the most arrogant, elitist, dogmatic, absolutist, narrow-minded, stubborn, illogical, emotive, and hypocritical people that I have ever come across. I know how mean that probably sounds on some level, but that has been my honest experience. There is no question that many will say that I am only saying this because they are my theological opponents and because I am writing this work. But I cannot be more emphatic when I say that this is not the case. I have had the privilege of living and working in some of the most diverse places in the world. I have friends and family from almost all walks of life. I have been close with black people, Mexican people, Asian people, Polynesian people, rich people, middle-class people, poor people, law-abiding citizens, criminals, straight people, gay people, Muslims, Buddhists, Catholics, Mormons, liberals, conservatives, and I could go on. For the most part, I have found the vast majority of the people I have been close with from all of these different pockets of humanity to be very good people that I get along with easily. Yes, we have our very strong disagreements, but usually it does not create invective.

But no matter how hard I have tried to be respectful to those within the PC movement, I have been told to shut up, that I am a liar, that I am a bigot, that I am racist, that I am sexist, that I am anti-intellectual, that I am homophobic, that I am obnoxious, that I am ridiculous, that I am cocky, that I just have to be right, and I could keep going for quite some time. Despite the veneer of being tolerant, kind, open-minded, accepting, and inclusive, the truth is that most of those in this movement do not want discussion or debate. They want absolute submission. Now they will readily accept debate or discussion as long as it is over issues where they say we are allowed to have dissenting opinions. But if one refuses to operate under a basically postmodern worldview, you will find a rabid group of people on your hands faster than you can blink. Often, when I make a sound point that they are unable to refute, the emotional underpinnings of the movement swiftly move to the forefront, and all facts, logic, and argumentation are thrown to the ash heap, and the names start shooting from their mouths like lightning bolts. I was personally banned from two blogs even though I was always extremely careful to be respectful at all times. Many will say that I was banned for being unloving and obnoxious, but I bent over backwards to always be respectful, even though I was often not shown respect in return. Now it is true that I am very firm and somewhat relentless in debate, but that is only because truth is important and affects very real people in very real ways. The blogs where I was the most firm, the two where I was kicked off, were extremely polemical blogs, and so why was debate and dissent not welcomed? The reasons are obvious and the hypocrisy is even more so.

The final thing that has stuck out to me about this movement is its infatuation with theological novelty. Sure, at times lip service will be given to the notion that they are simply trying to better understand the Bible and the faith, and therefore fresh interpretations, and not truly fresh doctrines, are being advanced. However, for the most part I have found an insatiable desire for teachings that are perceived as new and moving beyond what they see as fundamentalism, and often their explicit language reflects this fact. The worst example of this is Brian McLaren’s A New Kind of Christianity. The entire premise of this work is that Christianity is not a fixed reality at all, but must evolve, and radically so. We will examine many biblical passages in this work that will demonstrate the fallaciousness of this notion, but none does a better job of, in one blow, utterly destroying this pernicious idea than Jude 3. It reads, Dear friends, although I was very eager to write to you about the salvation we share, I felt compelled to write and urge you to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to God’s holy people (all Scripture quotations in this work are taken from the NIV).

Our understanding of the faith certainly does evolve; no one disputes this. But the faith itself cannot evolve as it has been delivered unto God’s people once and for all. I am thoroughly unconvinced that PC really is all that new. I believe that for the most part it is simply a regurgitated Social Gospel/mainline American Protestantism with a strong postmodern bent, which essentially makes it just one facet of liberal Protestantism. But, as we have just seen, even if we granted the idea that it is something truly new, that in no way is to its credit. Even those who are far more cautious still continually fail to see that novelty is the enemy of the truth when it comes to Christianity. There are times when we may seem to be novel in the sense of teaching something that has not been taught or fully explored by the church before. But even in these cases, we are not being novel in the full sense of that word. This is because all Christian theology must pass the test of showing that what is being promulgated is what was taught, even if only in germ form, by the authors of Scripture: in the case of essential doctrines in an absolute sense, and in the case of nonessential doctrines in an extremely strong, albeit non-absolute, sense. If it cannot be proven that one’s doctrine is not truly novel because it flows from the Bible in the case of essentials, or that it is very possible in the case of non-essentials, then this doctrine must be thrown out with all our might. Hence, even when we have to seem novel in some sense, we must approach this seeming novelty with the greatest of caution and we are absolutely forbidden to revel in our seeming novelty. This point, as much as any other, demonstrates that PC is indeed a very new kind of Christianity in the big scheme of things, and for that very reason, it is shown to be a terribly false kind of Christianity.

PART 1

BACKGROUND TOPICS

1

MY STORY: PART ONE

THE YEARS LEADING UP TO MY

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

A s has been said, this entire book will be written in somewhat casual prose, given its intended audience. But the next two chapters will especially be written in a casual fashion as the entire point of these chapters is for the reader to get a better feel for who I am. The next two chapters are written exactly in the manner I would talk to people in casual conversation. After these two chapters, a more formal, but certainly not technical, prose will follow for the remainder of the work.

Before diving in I do want to warn the reader that I will be making very mild references to events that allude to things of a sexual nature in these first two chapters in order to fully tell my story. I am very careful to never get explicit, and to keep the details to the bare minimum. These references are only for the purpose of narrating facts, and should never be interpreted as me in any way glorifying or condoning sexual immorality. I cannot emphasize more strongly that I vehemently condemn all forms of sexual immorality, and this will become quite clear to the reader by the end of the work. I here define sexual immorality as any and all sexual acts with any person, animal, or object other than one’s spouse in marriage. I here define marriage as the permanent romantic union of only one biological man from birth and one biological woman from birth that should only be severed by death or the most extreme circumstances. I here define sexual acts as any sexual behavior or thought toward another person, animal, or object, including any romantic kissing other than the lips, any viewing or listening of nudity or behavior (clearly sexual or otherwise) for the purposes of sexual arousal, and any sexual lust.⁴

Why my story?⁵ What does it have to do with refuting the PC movement? On some level, not much, I fully admit that. I would, in all honesty, much prefer to just leave it out. And if that sounds like nothing more than lip service so as to sound humble, all I can say is that anyone who knows me can testify that I am a very private person. The reason I include it is because the PC movement is extremely enamored with personal stories and narratives. There are many within the movement who will not even be willing to listen to what I have to say on the more objective end of things if I do not show my vulnerable side, on the subjective end of things. Hence, while this work is primarily being written for a CE audience, it is my hope, as stated earlier, that many in the PC movement will read this work and will be challenged to rethink their doctrines. I know that chapters of this nature will be very helpful to many who could possibly be nudged in that direction. These chapters are also intended to thwart those who I know will try to paint me as an impersonal and unfeeling monster. As stated earlier, I have already experienced this on a micro-level from many in this movement and I know that if this book gains any semblance of an audience within PC ranks this will be one of the primary ways they will attempt to respond to my arguments. But these chapters will essentially show that I am a terribly flawed and sinful person, but I really am not a big jerk. Thus, my arguments cannot be so easily dismissed. For those who believe that the next two chapters are tangential and unnecessary, I would say by all means skip them!

I am thirty-seven years old. I am a white man of Danish and British descent. I am six feet tall, 180 pounds, with brownish-blondish hair, and brown eyes. I am not the buffest guy in the world, but also not the skinniest. I have neither a six-pack nor a beer belly; I am not overweight but hardly ripped. My Scandinavian blood has given me quite a bit of body hair (I have a pretty full beard), but I’m not covered either (no back hair!). I am a former athlete, a former PE teacher, plus I was in the military, and so I’m in decent shape, but not great like when I was growing up. My basic body type has stayed pretty much the same, other than a few phases where I was working out really hard, and even then it didn’t change dramatically, and I have gained some weight over the years. Overall, I am a pretty average white guy who grew up in the burbs and is nearing middle age! I would say the only exception to that would be my face. I have kind of a baby face. Hence, while my body certainly looks my age, and I without question feel very much my age, very few people who don’t know me think I am as old as I am. Most people tell me that is a good thing, and while I completely agree that there are far worse things in life, I have found that I really don’t want to look like I’m twenty for the rest of my life, as people often make assumptions about me that I usually find rather irritating and frustrating.

My basic personality is pretty simple. I am very introverted, but not necessarily quiet or shy. I love people and hanging out with family and friends, but for the most part I like to be by myself and I have always been like that. Occasionally, though, I can have a very hyper personality. As I have gotten older, that side of me has waned significantly, but to this day I can get very loud and hyper with my students, my own children, and certain friends if the mood strikes. I would not consider myself funny in the comedian sense, but I do love to joke around and I have always been able to make people laugh. I have always had a strong rebellious streak, something that God has greatly brought under control over the years, but it still comes out here and there and was something that was almost uncontrollable when I was growing up. I have always been intellectual, but as a kid I had no desire to work to foster that side of my personality. I liked to talk to my dad about deep things, but that was about it. As I have gotten older, this side of my personality gets stronger and stronger every year. I love basketball, football, hiking (especially in the redwoods), food, soda, movies, music, history (especially church history), politics, theology, good friends, my former students, teaching, family, my kids, the Bible, and, above all else, God. I am overall a very casual and relaxed person, I do not sweat the small things, but important matters I take very seriously, and if pushed far enough I will get angry. I am a firm believer in keeping things simple, streamlined, and straightforward. I fully understand that sometimes things are complicated, often terribly so, but I cannot stand it when people overcomplicate things needlessly so as to look or sound more important. I have little patience for this. On that note, I hate overanalyzing people or when others engage in that behavior. Yes, there are absolutes, absolutes that must be defended tooth and claw, but overall I believe we grossly over-complicate ethics and that people for the most part should be left alone and not judged or made to fit into boxes; people are far too deep for that. I am generally a very happy person, but I of course get bummed out just like everyone else. With that basic background about my look and personality out of the way, we can move into a more chronological detailing of my story.

I was born on March 28, 1979, in Salt Lake City, Utah. My first home, of which I have no memory, was a small house in Sandy, Utah. My dad was almost twenty-seven years old and my mom was almost twenty-five and I am their first child. My parents are some of the most amazing people that one could ever hope to meet. They are not believers, as I would define a believer, but from a common grace perspective, God poured out on them more than their fair share! I can’t emphasize enough how blessed my childhood was. Other than being in the minority as a non-Mormon in Utah and a move to California when I was ten that was a major adjustment for me, my childhood was like a dream and often felt that way. I grew up in the suburbs with abundance all around me. We went camping, hiking, to sports games, to amusement parks, to the movies quite often, out to eat a lot, and I could go on. But my parents did not completely spoil me. My brothers and I were made to do chores and get jobs when we were in our early teens. They also allowed me to not get A’s and work less hours during parts of the year because of my commitment to basketball, but that was only if I spent ample time really pushing myself to be my best at my sport, which I did.

My dad was born and raised in Utah. He was the sixth and final child, one of two boys, born to awesome Mormon parents. He left the Mormon religion when he was about sixteen, as did his older brother, but all of his sisters have remained devout. His parents remained unswervingly devout until their dying breaths. Most of my relatives on his side are still committed Mormons. My dad is the smartest person I know. He studied science and engineering during his undergrad work and later received his master’s degree in business. He worked as an engineer, then after earning his master’s he worked as the head of a Texas Instruments branch in Santa Cruz, CA, and finally as a very successful consultant before retiring. He taught me from a very young age to always think logically and critically, but without being a snot. He has always been much better at it than me. My dad is almost always happy and mellow, but is quite scary when he gets mad. Not scary in a bad-tempered, crazy, or abusive way at all, but when he’s mad, you know it, and it is intimidating. My dad worked his tail off for us for as long as I could remember and yet somehow still made ample time for all of us. My dad was my first teacher, and I have never had another that has come close to measuring up to him. We talked sports, religion, science, politics, you name it, and I was always fascinated. School always bored me to tears, and I didn’t try very hard or get very good grades and constantly feigned being stupid to get my teachers off my back, but my dad mesmerized me and he always knew that I was not dumb. As I grew older and began to disagree with my dad over certain things, primarily religion, I agonized over those disagreements and never fully expressed them to him, as to this day I have the hardest time disagreeing with him to his face. He would take it fine, but I just feel too disrespectful. My dad was always at my sports games yelling and screaming me on. When I was younger I hated that, one of the few things I didn’t like about my dad, but as I got older I loved it. My dad loved to hike and bike. We often went on long hikes and bike rides and spent a great amount of that time talking about all sorts of good stuff.

My mother was also born and raised in Utah. She is the middle child of three; she has an older brother and a younger sister. Her dad was a raving alcoholic and left the family when she was around eight. Her mother raised them nominally Episcopalian with a great deal of openness to other religions, but her grandparents were more devout. My mother is not quite the hardcore intellectual that my father is, but she is extremely bright. Despite not finishing college she worked her way up to being the director at a private school (that was rare, but still possible in the early 80’s) and was very good at that position. Just before my youngest brother was born, she made the decision to become a full-time housewife. Much later in life she worked part time jobs here and there, but she mostly stuck to that role. My mom was and is just plain fun. My mom was also a great teacher, but she mostly focused on the basics with us while my dad was more of the abstract thinker. But her greatest strength was in just making life fun. My mom loves food and instilled in me a love for food from as early as I can remember. She is a good cook, but she liked cooking less and less as I got older. But whether she was making it, or she was pushing my dad to barbecue, or we went on our massive grocery runs, or we were going out to a restaurant, or to fast food, or to just get treats, we loved food! To this day, food is just a fun thing for me. I will talk later about my love for the 49ers, but one of the most fun activities I do with my family today is watch our beloved Niners and eat tons of great food while doing so! My mom also loves movies and instilled in me a lifelong love for them. She often took us to the movies, and we always went all out. We would load up on popcorn, soda, candy, the whole experience! We often went to Blockbuster and rented movies as well. Because of our love of the outdoors and sports, my brothers and I were always very active and so all this food and movies was never a health issue for us, it was just a blast. Both of my parents are extremely caring people who always help people however they can. But my mom also taught us (not in a spoiled, indulgent way) that life just isn’t worth living if it’s not fun, that we need to foster that principle in our lives while also making sure to help other people, and that doing so is not selfish. This may be a very simple common sense principle, but it is one of the most important and profound things anyone has ever taught me. To this day, no matter how busy and horrible life gets, I make sure that I make time for fun, especially with my family. My mom has always been my biggest fan. She came to every one of my high school basketball games decked out in my school’s attire and cheered her butt off. She has always been more religious than my father as a more devout liberal Protestant. Church attendance and talking about religious matters varied over the years, although she has become far more committed as she has gotten older. My parents have both retired and live in St. George, Utah, where they own a beautiful home and often vacation at their cabin in nearby Pine Valley.

My parents have been beyond gracious to me financially over the years, and man, have I needed it. And that in spite of our very real religious differences. Amazing.

I am the oldest of three boys, no sisters. One of my brothers is two years younger than me and the other is almost ten years younger. Growing up, I was definitely closer to the brother that is closer to me in age, but we also fought a lot. My youngest brother unfortunately received a great deal of torture at the hands of his older brothers, something that does not make me proud, but we did get closer in adulthood. The brother closest to me in age is fairly similar to me in personality, although he is not the goof-ball I can be at times and in certain contexts (but he is very funny, more in a dry, witty sense), and he is not nearly as introverted as I am. He is married, with two boys, he was a medic in the Army Special Forces, fought the war on terror on both fronts, and currently resides in Kentucky, where he works for the Geological Society. He became an atheist in college and has remained such ever since. My youngest brother is extremely mellow, but, like my mom, loves to have fun and enjoy life. He hardly ever got in trouble as a kid, always had a number of very close friends, received tremendous grades, and has been with his current girlfriend for years now. He works with a website security company out of San Francisco, but works independently from Los Angeles where he lives with his girlfriend. In college, he became an agnostic and has remained such ever since.

I lived in Utah until I was ten and we moved to California. I lived in three houses in Utah: two that I can remember, and one that I cannot. The two homes I can remember were both in Orem. I lived in the first of these two homes until I was seven. This home was in a cul-de-sac along with a number of other nice suburban homes. Orem was a medium city as far as population, by Provo where the University of Brigham Young, or BYU, is located. I grew up in deep Mormon country until I moved to California. Orem was a very nice and safe city. Almost all of our neighbors were upstanding people. I had friends at school and in the neighborhood, but for the most part I hung out with my cousins, my grandparents, my parents, and, in all honesty, usually with myself. I loved movies and TV, and this sparked an intense interest in fantasy. I spent most of my time throughout the day playing out scenarios. For some reason, I called these church stories. We went to one of the few local non-Mormon churches fairly regularly when I was a young child, but this began to fade as I got older, and even at this young age religion played a very small role in our lives at home. But, I think because there were skits in Sunday school, I came up with the idea that my own little skits were church stories. These were not skits in the sense of being anything I performed for others, but I gave them this name and it stuck. I have memories of wandering all around our house, our backyard, our front yard, etc., acting out wars, sports games, Star Wars, adventures, travels, and whatever else my little brain thought up! As I got older, I began to fall in love with sports. My dad and his buddies watched and talked about sports all the time, and we used to go to see the University of Utah basketball and football games religiously as that is where my parents went to college. I tried other sports besides basketball and football, but I did not like any of them. At this young age, football was by far my favorite, but that would change as I got older.

My grandparents played a big role in my life, especially in these early years. I never knew my maternal grandfather, but I spent a great deal of time with all of my other grandparents and with my oldest grandmother who was my maternal grandmother’s mother. She had shrunk considerably by then, and so everyone called her baby grandma. All three of these grandmothers were great cooks, and so most of my memories of them are centered on food: huge meals, snacks, amazing desserts, and lots of cookies! I know many will probably read more than should be into the fact that the earliest women in my life all heavily influenced me in the arena of good eats because I am a complementarian, but in all honesty I really don’t believe that women need to cook in order to fulfill their roles as women.

While I loved my grandmothers as much as my grandfather, I have to be honest in saying that my grandfather had the biggest impact on me out of all my grandparents. While a very distant second to my dad, my grandfather was certainly next as far as male impact on me. My grandpa was a contractor and could fix anything. He hunted both with guns and the bow and arrow. He had a little motorcycle for us to ride and all kinds of tools that he showed us how to use. He wore a plain, white, collared shirt and overalls every single day other than when he went to church. He didn’t say much, but when he did talk I thought he was fascinating. He showed us how to do all sorts of stuff, and I remember him running around with me in the backyard of his house despite getting up there in years. He was deeply religious, but he always respected my parents’ wishes that my brothers and I not be taught Mormonism.

My grandpa only became angry with me one time, and that was when I got mad at my younger brother closest to me in age (the other one was actually being born at the time) and I kicked him, well, you know where. My grandpa was furious and said to me, If you were my kid, I’d box your ears in! I don’t say this to brag, I genuinely don’t, but I’m not an easily frightened or intimidated person. I’ve of course been pretty scared plenty of times, but usually the only person that really scared me was my dad. But as scared as I would get of my dad sometimes, I’ve never been so scared of anyone in my life and I’ve never been that scared of anyone ever since. I know many, especially those I’m writing against in this work, will say that is a terrible story. But I immediately had more respect for my grandpa in that moment than I already had, and I had quite a bit. My grandpa, and especially my dad, modeled for me what it means to be a man, and I’ve been through a lot in my adult life and I know there is simply no way I could have handled it all if it had not been for their influence in this capacity. I knew what a low and horrible thing I had done and I never kicked anyone in that region ever again, not even during my very rebellious years.

A huge part of our lives during this time was going to watch the University of Utah football and basketball games. My dad graduated from this institution and my mom attended Utah for two years. They loved that school deeply and still do. We were die-hard fans, and my favorite thing at this age was to go to those games. My dad and his college buddies would drink beer (they rarely got drunk) and yell and scream their heads off for their beloved Utes. My mom and her college buddies would joke and talk and yell for the really big plays. We would eat tons of food before the game, during the game, and after the game. The food, the friends, the excitement, the competition, the yelling! It was all almost too much for me at times, but in a good way. I would get so excited before big games that I could hardly sleep the night before, like it was Christmas Eve. I would pick my dad’s brain about football and basketball and particularly the Utes for hours. I would keep track of stats and players; I was obsessed. As I stated earlier, I would often play out games on my own in the yard or in the street in our cul-de-sac, and at this time football was my favorite.

When I was seven we moved to a bigger house across town. Not a ton changed during this period other than I found my first best friend. The other neighborhood where we lived was a little more isolated. The cul-de-sac was connected at the beginning to a fairly busy street. The cul-de-sac itself was very quiet and hardly any cars came through, and when they did they went very slowly, so as long as I stayed at the far end of the circle of the cul-de-sac where our house was located I could safely play in the street. Houses other than the ones in the immediate neighborhood were farther down either side of that busy street. But our new house in Orem was part of a huge, sprawling housing complex. There were hundreds of kids my age, and all ages below me and above.

During this time, I came to realize something about myself. While I made friends very easily and could be popular, I much preferred a best friend or a handful of really good friends to having many friends. I did make countless friends during this time, but I kept most of them at a distance, as sometimes it would feel like too much to me. My next-door neighbors had a son my age, and we instantly hit it off. He loved sports as well, although he was not a very good athlete and so he more enjoyed watching and talking about them. He also loved movies and TV. During this time of my life, Nintendo splashed onto the scene; we were hooked and played games, especially Mario Brothers, for hours. Despite having a lot of friends, and a best friend to boot, I still