Kingdom of Nerds

By L. Henry Stone

K I N G D O M O F N E R D S is a humorous science fiction-fantasy adventure about a group of nerdy young men

calling themselves the Nerd Herd. The Nerd Herd consists of a third-generation Russian spy and scientist from the generation that

• Language: English
• Publisher: Global Summit House
• Release date: Jul 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781956074444

L. Henry Stone

L. Henry Stone was born in 1954 in a one-room cabin in Coyote Corners, Texas. Coyote Corners will not appear on any map; it was where the property lines of four ranch/farm owners met. The families collaborated and built a cabin on that spot for the men who rode and mended the fences. When L. Henry was sixteen years old, both his parents were killed when a tornado took the family cabin. With no birth certificate, he lost the ranch and signed on as a merchant mariner out of Brownsville, Texas. L. Henry spent the next thirty years at sea, eventually settling in Brazil, where he still lives today.

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KINGDOM OF NERDS

By

L. Henry Stone

Copyright © 2021 by L. Henry Stone.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review.

ISBN: 978-1-956074-45-1 (Paperback Edition)

ISBN: 978-1-956074-46-8 (Hardcover Edition)

ISBN: 978-1-956074-44-4 (E-book Edition)

Some characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to the real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Book Ordering Information

Phone Number: 315 288-7939 ext. 1000 or 347-901-4920

Email: [e-mail]

Global Summit House

www.globalsummithouse.com

Printed in the United States of America

Contents

Prologue 1

1.War Brides 5

2.Journey toward a Better Tomorrow 11

3.Yonar the Cruel 15

4.The Alliance 20

5.Building Foundations for a Future 25

6.The Horde 30

7.Death from Above 33

8.A Lighted Path 39

9.In Two Generations 43

10.School for Nerds 46

11.The Microwave Oven Philosophical Transformation 55

12.The Twelve-Year-Old Hack 61

13.The Demented Wiz Kid’s Wall 69

14.The Tuna Fish Sandwich Epiphany 74

15.Project Rainbow and Die Glocke 78

16.The Recliner Revelation 82

17.Operation Sneaky Nerd 85

18.The Fortune Cookie Message, the Unstable Flagstone, and the Ridiculously

Redacted Reports 88

19.You Can Call Me Chekov 91

20.The Grandfather Pair of Docs 94

21.Time-Traveling Pickles 98

22.I Probably Should Have Said, Socialists Have Always Lacked Vision 102

23.Gathering the Nerd Herd and Unveiling the Plan 105

24.The Fake Vulcan and the Nonexistent Single Goat Brothel 108

25.Stealing from the Gestapo 111

26.Plans, Preparations, and Preparation H! 114

27.The Red Ass Reunification 117

28.The Few, the Proud, the . . . Well, Let’s Just Say "The Somewhat Mentally

Challenged" 119

29.The Shortsighted Commie Bastard’s Amazing Grasp of Planning and Logistics 122

30.Moving Day 126

31.The Nerd Herd 129

32.The Incident 132

33.Breaking Down the Species 136

34.Settling In and Inebriating the Neighbors 139

35.A Really Big Snatch 142

36.The Chihuahua Emergence Plus Two Conquistadors. 144

37.Colonel PP with a Side of Silly Spock 147

38.Sitting in the Chair 153

39.The Defensive Wall, the Howling, and the Outriders . 156

40.A Chest of Rank Buttons 159

41.New Directions and Old Artifacts 162

42.Mr. Spock, Commander Crowbar, and the Special Project 165

43.The Farmers’ Vengeance Recalled 167

44.Preparations for a Showdown 169

45.In the King’s Service 172

46.March toward the End of September 176

47.Kings and Dragons 179

48.The Night Dragon 182

49.Sorcerer’s Invitation 185

50.Feast of Monsters 188

51.The Magic Snake and the Man Dragon 193

52.Ransom of Women 197

53.Lord Norgon and the Queen Bitch 200

54.The Taste of New 203

55.The Enchanted Caravan 207

56.Saying Hello with Fire 210

57.The King’s Hallway 215

58.The Queen Bitch is Dead: Long Live the Sorcerer King! 218

59.Ashes to Ashes 222

60.The New Order 225

61.The Returning Army 229

62.The Twat 231

63.Transformation 235

64.Lunch and Lovemaking 237

65.Winter and Spring 240

66.Seraktiel 244

67.Resetting the Past 249

68.Resetting the Future 253

69.The Throne Room 258

PROLOGUE

Birth of the Future Nerd King

Dexter Pythagoras Farbenshalver was born February 2, 1962, in Fort Worth, Texas. His father, Pointdexter Copernicus Farbenshalver, was most often described as an old-school slide rule aeronautics engineer.

In college, he majored in aeronautical engineering, and minored in electrical engineering. After graduation, he went to work for Lockheed designing aircraft control systems.

With his Buddy Holly black horn rimmed glasses, starched white shirt, black bow tie and ever-present plastic pen holder pocket insert, he could have been the poster boy for the term pencil-necked geek, he so looked the part.

His mother had master’s degrees in astronomy and paleontology, and taught both subjects at the University of Texas. She was fascinated with ancient Chinese society and she wrote and spoke several dialects of Chinese fluently.

She had completed her undergraduate field work in paleontology in China, and was a member of two very prestigious international astronomy societies. Her husband Pointdexter often told his small circle of friends that she loved Chinese food more than him or their son. Even he wasn’t sure it that was true or not.

Dexter’s parents rarely had guests on weekdays. Their usual evenings included a family meal, which was cooked on an alternating schedule by his mother and father.

This was followed by reading in the living room, the largest room in their modest house, which had been converted into a library.

The back yard was a very orderly jungle of various plants, and a telescope mount sat in a gazebo in the center of the yard. On occasions of various celestial events, Dexter’s father would bring the telescope out of the house, set it up, and then focus it on the section of sky the event would occur.

The couple would invite like-minded guests over for an evening meal, which always included sampling various wines. After the meal, everyone gathered at the gazebo to observe the event through the telescope, and engage in discussions about the orbital paths and speeds of various heavenly bodies as they traveled through the galaxy.

Even while studying the sky, any published breakthroughs in the field of physics was always the main topic of conversation. Some breakthroughs were at times hotly

debated, even though the guests/ temporary combatants always parted as friends.

Up until Dexter’s birth, every spare penny was spent on books. Mostly science books, but there were also some science fiction books in their personal library for when the Farbenshalver’s wanted to give their brains a rest from the daily workload of deep thinking and engage in some pleasure reading.

Dexter’s mother began teaching him to read when he was three years old, and by four, he was as prolific a reader as either his mother and father, or so they thought.

It turns out that Dexter was the top reader in the family. He was able to read at a blazing rate of speed and retain almost every word and concept he read.

Dexter grew up in a house where mathematical principles and physics formulas were ever present on an old chalkboard. The works of Nikola Tesla and Albert Einstein’s theories of relativity and general relativity were often among the topics of discussion at the dinner table.

At age five, the quite Dexter began sneaking books that related to the evening’s dinner conversations from the family library at night and reading them; most of the time he would read the entire book or books overnight.

There weren’t any kids’ books in that library, so Dexter was reading advanced college level material. The amazing thing was that he found them both fascinating and easy to understand. Although not much of a talker at that point, the nerdy young boy was a natural-born genius.

For a little over two years, after each dinner discussion Dexter would grab a book,

or books from the family library, and study the topic that had been discussed at the dinner table while his oblivious parents slept.

As he familiarized himself with the topics of conversation, he just listened to those conversations in silence. But two days after his seventh birthday, Dexter entered into the ongoing dinner conversations in a very big way.

While sitting at the dinner table, Dexter suddenly put forth his first hypothesis while being served his mother’s favorite Chinese food, moo goo gai pan, which she always prepared in her most treasured possession, a three-hundred-year-old Chinese wok.

Dexter began with a formal declaration: Father, Mother, I have been thinking about space-time, and I believe I have found an anomaly, oversight, or perhaps even a flaw in Mr. Einstein’s famous E=mc² equation as it relates to time, and his hypothesis that the speed of light cannot ever be exceeded.

After a short period of something close to shock and quick glances from wide eyes under raised eyebrows exchanged between his parents, Dexter’s father spoke but four words: Interesting, please proceed, Dexter.

Dexter began by saying, "As we all know, Mr. Einstein hypothesized that time slows down the faster you travel and postulated that time would come to a complete stop if you could reach the speed of light.

Of course, he also said that would be impossible, as anything exceeding the mass of a single photon of light would travel slower than light. Dexter paused for comments at this point, but when none came forth, he continued:

"Considering Mr. Einstein states that nothing can exceed the speed of light, don’t you find it a little odd that the only way Mr. Einstein’s equation, the equation that has defined most people’s understanding of the universe, only works if the speed of light is squared? "

Having absolutely no idea that Dexter had been secretly reading advanced-level books from their library at night, and possessed the ability to comprehend them, Dexter’s parents just sat and stared at their son with astonishment as he continued to speak.

"I do not have any idea how he discovered that energy equals mass times the speed of light squared, but if true, it was obviously a monumental achievement. However, I must disagree with his theorem in that the speed of light cannot be exceeded.

"I do believe that Mr. Einstein is correct that anything exceeding the mass of a single photon of light cannot ever reach light speed. But, I think a form of energy such as electromagnetic energy, something that doesn’t have any mass, could possibly exceed light speed hyper-dimensionally.

"If that is true, I can’t help thinking that if time actually stops when and if you reach the speed of light as Mr. Einstein declared it would, then it follows that if the speed of light can be exceeded, time may begin to reverse itself."

With wide eyes filled with wonder, Dexter made sure to place special emphasis on his next statement: I don’t need to point out that if that is true, then actual time travel is a very real possibility!

Dexter’s parents just sat dumbstruck as their seven-year-old son contemplated the mind of whom many scientist considered to be perhaps the world’s greatest genius.

Dexter was of course, a straight A student, but great molten balls of fiery dragon shit, he was only in the second grade!

While Dexter’s parents did not agree with his hypothesis, they shared a moment of pride only other nerd parents of a promising young nerd child could have possibly understood.

What no one could have ever imagined, was that this skinny kid with the black horn-rimmed glasses and the large gaps in his oversized teeth, would grow up to actually conquer time travel and set up his own personal kingdom in the past.

Strangely, this incredible feat would be accomplished with the help of a third generation Russian spy, a small group of likeminded nerds, and a wacky conscripted army of military rejects bordering on mental retardation.

And that wacky army of misfits would be partially led by a man who was loved

by the soldiers in the lower ranks, despite him being prone to psychotic episodes during stressful situations, which caused him to growl, snarl and bark like an enraged Chihuahua.

But other than that, it was all good.

CHAPTER 1

War Brides

In 1,114 BC, many centuries before Dexter was born, three rival warlords had been clashing for over a hundred years for a vast territory that would eventually become the kingdom over which Bortalla the Brave, his son Boyar, then his grandson King Navarre would rule, until Dexter the Nerd King arrived.

It was a large and fertile land, but without very many subjects to rule over due to the constant loss of life from the ongoing skirmishes between the three men trying to gain control over the land, and all of the people who lived there.

Bortalla the Brave, and the two men who ruled the other two factions or tribes vying for control of the land, were all hard men skilled in the arts of war. For a period over a hundred years, the three factions had constantly clashed without any one tribe ever being able to completely subdue the other two.

The constant state of war resulted in constant loss of lives, crops, and livestock for all three groups. The steady loss of life, prevented any one of the three factions from growing enough to establish anything even remotely resembling a safe and productive society.

Bortalla the Brave came to realize that safety would only be found in numbers. But he also knew that safety would never be achieved as long as the three warlords continued to reduce each other’s populations through constant warfare.

Bortalla reasoned that if the three factions peacefully consolidated their forces, only then would the combined population grow large enough to defend themselves against a threat from outside their individual territories.

He also realized that even then, those numbers must have a defensible stronghold into which they could retreat and defend themselves from any outside invading forces, should they ever come.

Bortalla looked at his two beautiful daughters, ages fourteen and fifteen, and then at his three-year-old son. He knew that unless he acted, none of them were likely to have a long life, and if they did, it could possibly be a future in slavery or servitude to one of the other two factions or a superior invading force.

After many long sleepless nights, and without telling anyone of his plans, Bortalla rose early one day, and without any weapons, he mounted his horse and rode to one of his rivals’ camps, hopefully to improve his beloved family’s odds of survival.

Even as he had made that decision, he understood that he may not return from the journey, as the two men he had been fighting against his entire life would most likely reject any overture toward peace and consolidation of their forces.

If they rejected his proposal, they would also most likely decide to take advantage of the opportunity to kill him. Then they would almost surely decide to capture or slaughter his people.

Still, if he did not act, he was convinced that death would come to all in the form of an outside enemy force at some point in the future. All of these things were on his mind as he rode toward one of his rivals’ camps, led by a man named Norodom.

When he arrived at his rivals camp, it looked like his worst case scenario would be realized. When he approached the camp with his hands raised, Bortalla was pulled from his horse, then dragged before his rival and forced onto his knees before he could speak even a single word.

The rival leader, known as Norodom the Wise, looked at him with both curiosity and disdain; then he drew his sword and placed the point of the weapon against Bortalla’s throat and asked, Why have you foolishly chosen to sacrifice your life in this way?

Bortalla’s answer surprised everyone gathered around him when he said, I have come hopefully to save both of our people from a murdering horde, that will surely arrive in this land to slaughter all of us one day.

Norodom looked his enemy in the eyes for a time and then pushed the point of his sword harder against Bortalla’s neck, breaking the skin and causing blood to flow. Then without any visible emotion or change in demeanor or speech, he said: Explain your words.

Bortalla replied: "Despite fighting nonstop for over twenty years, I have almost nothing except my family and a tent where I get very little sleep, because I must remain vigil in case my people are attacked in the night.

If a superior force arrives in this land, I will lose even that. In that way, you and I are the same, Norodom. Norodom said nothing; his only response was pressing the point of his sword harder against Bortalla’s throat.

Despite the pain, Bortalla did not pull back from the sword. Instead, he leaned slightly to the right and looked at the young man standing just behind and to the left of Norodom and asked: Is that your son, Norodom?

The response was instantaneous. Norodom pressed the sword even harder into Bortalla’s throat and asked in an angry voice, "Tell me what business is that of yours, Bortalla the Brave, and Foolish?"

Then he immediately added: And best you answer quickly before I send you to the land of the dead to join your ancestors. Bortalla turned his head up and looked up into Norodom’s eyes despite the fact that the movement caused the sword to penetrate even further into his throat.

Speaking through the pain, he said, I have come to offer one of my daughters in marriage to your son in hopes that will save both of them, and all of us, when a murderous invader arrives to slaughter everyone in this undefended land.

Norodom stood for ten more seconds with his sword at Bortalla’s throat. Then he asked, "What is your plan, Bortalla? Are you proposing that we join forces as a result of this marriage and eliminate that vicious dog Yonar the Cruel?

If that is your plan it is a bad one, we could probably defeat Yonar if we joined forces, but the battle would reduce our warriors so that it may take twenty to fifty years to just get back to the strength we are today. If your hoard arrives before then, we would almost surely not survive that encounter.

The sword had now penetrated Bortalla’s neck so deep that he could only respond in a raspy voice: I have two daughters. I will also offer one of them to Yonar’s son, so no one else has to die as a result of dissention between all of our people.

A look of surprise swept over Norodom’s face. After staring at Bortalla for a time, he then stepped back and plunged his sword into the ground and said, Bring us chairs and drink, and have a healer come attend to Bortalla the Brave’s wound.

When his orders had been carried out, Norodom took a large drink of ale and said to Bortalla, One of the reasons I have not killed you yet is because I am still trying to determine if you have just grown weary of life, or if have gone completely mad.

Bortalla looked into Norodom’s eyes and said, I did not ride here with any evil intentions Norodom. My motivations are simple. I do not want my children or my people slaughtered, prostituted, or to die as slaves, I am hoping you and Yonar feel the same.

Norodom did not respond to the statement in any way, so Bortalla added, We must all learn to live and work together or none of us will survive that day when we are faced with an enemy greater than all of us, because we remain divided.

Norodom continued to stare at Bortalla for a short time and then said: You speak of a subject I have thought about many times. But you must know that you will probably not live long enough to speak at all, much less explain your intentions to Yonar, if you foolishly decide to visit his camp.

Then smiling broadly, Norodom added, Because as everyone knows, Yonar is not nearly as cordial as I am. This caused Bortalla to laugh, which in turn caused him to cough and reach up and touch the bandage that was covering the wound on his throat.

Then he said: Yes, I know, that is why I came here first Norodom. After pausing to take another drink of ale, he added: I came here first because I know my chances of surviving trying to talk to Yonar will be much better with you at my side.

This caused Norodom to laugh loudly, but it was a short laugh followed by silence. Then with a serious face, he said: I think you were misnamed, Bortalla. Truly you are brave, but you are also stupid in some ways.

After another short silence and with an almost hollow tone he said cryptically: Almost certainly, Yonar would not pass up the opportunity to slay us both if we showed up at his camp unarmed.

Bortalla said: I know, that is why I would like you and your son to ride back to my camp with me. Once there, your son will pick out which of my daughters he wants to marry. Then you, I, and my other daughter will all ride to Yonar’s camp where I will offer my other daughter’s hand in exchange for peace between all of our tribes.

Norodom leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees as he looked at Bortalla with hard eyes. He then spoke in a most serious tone: "I take it back, you are correctly named Bortalla the Brave."

Then he said, But I am Norodom the Wise, and being wise, I see a few flaws in your plan. Bortalla just listened as Norodom continued: "If we do as you suggest, Yonar will almost surely feel slighted and think you are giving me preferential treatment.

"He would almost certainly kill both of us and take your daughter. Then he would ride against both of our people. The only survivors would be those who could work, and those he could mate.

"The only chance we have of even getting to speak to Yonar is preventing him from killing us on sight, which I am not sure is even possible. The only way we may survive, is if we ride to your camp first, then escort both of your daughters to Yonar’s camp, and let his son choose his bride first."

Bortalla said: That is a good point, but if we do that, then will not your son feel slighted? Norodom smiled and said: How could he possibly be? It is well known how beautiful both of your daughters are. I am sure Yonar has considered killing you many times so he could take them for his son or for himself . . . just as I have."

This caused one of Bortalla’s eyebrows to rise noticeably, which in turn caused Norodom to laugh loudly. Then he said: I have also considered how we would all be either exterminated or taken as slaves if a horde were to find us here unable to protect ourselves. But, I would wager that Yonar has not had any such thoughts.

Continuing, he said: "He is so single minded toward violence that he will probably not even allow you to speak. I expect he will just kill us and take your daughters when we arrive at his camp.

He is called Yonar the Cruel for good reason. He may just decide to kill all of us, including your daughters regardless of their beauty. Have you considered that possibility Bortalla?

Bortalla lowered his head and answered: No, I must confess that I have not thought that far ahead Norodom, to be honest, I did not think I would survive this meeting with you.

Norodom burst out laughing then said: First, we shall make sure your people know that you are safe and in good hands while we continue to talk. I do not want your people attacking me because they think I snuck into your camp last night and took you prisoner.

Norodom called for his wife and told her, "You will ride to Bortalla’s camp, once there you will tell Bortalla’s wife that he is my honored guest, and you have come to present yourself to prove that he is alive and well.

I will send some men to escort you, but they will turn around when you are within one quarter mile of his camp. From that point forward, you will be on your own.

Then he added: It is important that you make sure Bortalla’s people see how few escorts you have, and it is even more important that they see them turn around and leave.

At this point, Norodom turned and looked at Bortalla to seek his agreement with the instructions he had just given to his wife. Bortalla nodded in consent, and then Norodom asked for Bortalla’s signet ring. Bortalla removed the ring and handed it to Norodom.

Norodom handed the ring to his wife and said: When you arrive at the camp, give this ring to Bortalla’s wife and tell her that tomorrow, Bortalla and Norodom will ride together to his camp to have an evening meal, and we will ride alone.

As his wife turned to leave, Norodom grabbed her gently by the arm and told her: Say nothing of our conversation here even if asked. Bortalla should be the one to tell his people of his plan.

As Norodom’s wife and escorts saddled up their horses to ride away, Bortalla asked, How did you know I didn’t tell anyone about my plan? Norodom smiled as he said: As I told you before, I am Norodom the Wise, not Norodom the Stupid.

Then he said: Come, Bortalla the Brave. Let us eat, drink, and discuss the future . . . as short as it may be for the both of us.

CHAPTER 2

Journey Toward a Better Tomorrow

Bortalla and Norodom spoke long into the night before falling asleep beside the fire in front of Norodom’s tent. Both men were surprised at how much they had in common in regards to their thoughts about the survival of their respective tribes.

The next morning, Bortalla slowly awakened to the aroma of meat cooking over a fire. When he opened his eyes and moved, he discovered that a large animal skin had been laid over him sometime during the night, and there were two lovely women sleeping beside him under the animal skin blanket to keep him warm.

When he propped himself up on his elbows, the two women awakened, but did not move out from under the blanket. When Bortalla said good morning, the two women just smiled, but other than that, did not respond in any way.

Bortalla looked around and saw Norodom speaking with a couple of his men. One of the men noticed him sitting up and told Norodom that he was awake. Norodom walked over to where Bortalla was and told the two women that they could return to their tents.

The two women stood up and slipped their robes back on and then hurried away to the warmth of their own tents. As a way of explanation, Norodom said: "Last night was what we call a one blanket, two-woman night when sleeping outside.

I asked two of our prettiest and warmest girls to keep you warm last night, because I couldn’t let my new friend and ally spend what may be one of his last nights on earth shivering from the cold.

Then Norodom cut off two chunks of elk meat and tossed one of them to Bortalla along with a wineskin. Bortalla drank from the wineskin and ripped off a chunk of the roasted meat with his teeth. After swallowing both, he stated: I thank you for the meat, we shall have our evening meal at my camp.

Norodom frowned and said: We once found a leather bag with a portion of your smoked fish in it after one of our many skirmishes. I tried it and found it disgusting. When we get to your camp, please do not make me eat any of that horrible stuff.

This caused Bortalla to chuckle. Then he said: We would like to have elk more often than we do, but as you know we must keep our people grouped for protection, and cannot range out to hunt as we would like.

After biting off another chunk of the elk meat Bortalla continued, Deer, ducks, rabbit, geese and fish are plentiful around our lakes and streams, so that is what we eat. We stay well fed, but I consider it limited fare.

Norodom finished swallowing a piece of elk and said: "I do know what you mean. Elk, pigs, and grouse are plentiful here, but I sometimes I also long for other food at times. Plus we only have one creek to drink from, and water our plants and animals.

Then after taking a large drink of ale, he said with a smile: Come, Bortalla, let us begin our scary journey. Who knows, maybe Yonar will feed us something new tomorrow, instead of feeding our carcasses to his pigs and the crows.

The ride back to Bortalla’s camp was at a fast pace, and passed without incident. They met Norodom’s wife’s escorts as they were returning, and both groups dismounted for a short conversation. Then the two leaders continued on to Bortalla’s camp.

They arrived at Bortalla’s camp shortly after four in the evening, Norodom wasn’t surprised that all of Bortalla’s soldiers were all armed and dug in, prepared for a fight if necessary.

Both men rode through the soldiers, and to the center of the camp where their wives were sitting in front of Bortalla’s tent. There was a bounty of food that had been set out on a blanket. Both Norodom and Bortalla saw the smoked fish and smiled.

Dutifully, both men dismounted and ate some of the fare that had been prepared for them. Then they saddled fresh mounts and prepared to ride to Yonar’s camp, which was over twenty five miles away.

Bortalla ordered a cart prepared for his daughters to ride in, along with the supplies necessary for the journey. It was obvious the two girls were distraught