Falling Apart

By Rasheed Jamal

Arizona and JR. Despite a big age difference, they fall in love while making plans for their future. A future which includes children, marriage, and friendship. Before long, Arizona learns a secret that threatens to tear at the fabric of their relationship. Doing all she can to maintain her life while holding on to the secret sends her into a deep spiral that she struggles to get out of. Feeling backed into a corner, Arizona does all she can to keep her life together. Her love for JR is so strong that she will go to extreme lengths to them together.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jul 24, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098391751

Book preview

Prologue

As I enter my apartment, I get cautious. I’ve seen too many movies where nigga’s got caught slippin’ ‘cuz they wasn’t aware of they surroundings. I stop in the doorway, listening for sounds that ain’t supposed to be there. Satisfied that I am alone, I proceed to my safe.

I been making boat loads of money, but that shit always comes with a price. I call it the crabs in a bucket syndrome, ‘cuz it’s always that one hating ass nigga’ that don’t wanna’ see the next nigga’ doing better than him.

I dump the money in the safe and head back out. No matter what, it’s always more money to be made. Enough for everybody to be happy. As I head out I remember to grab my pistol, wouldn’t wanna’ be caught without it.

***

Back out on the block, I could just tell sumpt’n was in the air. It’s too quiet first off. Secondly, all the nigga’s that was just out here minutes ago, is now in the wind. So, since the block is basically a million dollar spot, my spidey sense automatically goes up two notches.

Bitch ass nigga!

That’s all I heard before the action commenced. Three shots rang out, but I was already in evasive mode. I ducked down behind a car and pulled my own pistol out. It didn’t surprise me to see who was getting at me. Do-Dirt. He was the man before I came along.

His problem was, he wasn’t too smart. He was one of them too greedy nigga’s that had to see every last nickel. So, when I came along with better dope, and better prices, these are the results you get. Like I said though, he was lacking in the brains department. Instead of coming at me with a stick that could do some major damage, he letting off a six shot revolver. As soon as he ran out of bullets, I let him have it.

Two to the chest put him down, but, the law of the streets said he had to go. While he lay there writhing in pain, I walked up to him and put the rest of the clip off in him.

***

1 year later

Mr. Johnson, for the heinous crime you have committed, I sentence you to twenty years to life, to be served in the California state prison system. I hope you learn a very valuable lesson during your incarceration. I also order you to undergo anger management classes so that you can learn to control that bad temper of yours. Court is adjourned. he said, slamming the gavel down.

JR, looked at the judge in disbelief. He had expected to get some time, but not twenty to life. After all, he had only killed another drug dealer, not some high school kid with hoop dreams on his way to college. He looked back at his girlfriend, who sat in the gallery. She was his rock, standing by him while he sat in the county, and all through the trial.

He nodded his head to reassure her that everything would be okay. He had a lot of money stashed, and the state pen offered conjugal visits, so they could get married. Yep, he thought. Everything would be okay. He let the bailiff cuff him and lead him from the courtroom.

***

Part One

JR

I stepped from the gates of the prison and gave the bitch ass tower guard the one finger salute. I couldn’t believe that I was free. Somehow, I had talked the parole board into believing that I was enough of a reformed prisoner to gain my parole. That was something that was a rarity when it came to parole hearings. My model behavior behind bars had helped too, but, it was my mouth piece that had really got me my freedom on the first try.

Wassup cuzzo? I said to my cousin in the car.

"Wassup wit’ it blood? He said back.

Once I was situated, he pulled off. I wouldn’t be totally free until we left the prison grounds, but I could smell it. I couldn’t wait to see the bitch who had left me stuck doing time by myself while she fell off. Because of her punk ass, I had to rely on my cousin to look out for me while I was down.

To tell you the truth, I really didn’t know what I would do to her when I saw her. I had already spent twenty years of my life locked up, twenty years I could never get back. So the real question was, was she even worth the rest of my life. I guess I would get the answer when I saw her.

Have you seen that bitch lately? I asked my cousin.

Ain’t nobody seen that bitch since you went down. It’s like she done dropped off the face of the earth.

Fuck it, I thought. If I caught up with her, I would deal with it. If not, oh well. Her leaving was probably the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. Except for the small matter of the fifty g’s she had taken with her when she bounced.

You figured out what you gon’ do yet? My cousin asked me.

Shit, maybe get back in the street. It’s money to be made out here. I got a lil’ bread put up to get me started.

You got some bread put up? Well why the hell was I taking care of you then?

Bruh, square shit, seriously? One punk bitch done already Houdinied wit’ my shit, so why would I trust another nigga’ wit’ my last?

I’m family though. he said.

And? When did money and family start hanging tough? Stop it wit’ the square shit, nigga’ I got you. I said, heated.

It was funny how greed worked. Friends, family, strangers, it didn’t matter. I laid my head back and watched his car eat up the miles on the way back to The Town.

***

"Stop at Burger King blood. A nigga need some real food in his life.

He took the Edward’s avenue exit off the 580 freeway. The ride down the big hill reminded me of the times when as a kid my pops would speed down the hill. It always made my stomach drop, as if I was on the world’s biggest roller coaster.

After twenty years, Oakland had changed. There was a police station at the mall, the bank on 73rd was some place called Roots, and cats seemed to be ignoring the driving laws, flying in and out of traffic.

Damn, this shit done changed. I mumbled.

A lot done changed out here bruh. More crack babies, more stupidity, more killing over nothing.

The front of the mall revealed even more changes to me. There was now an auto parts store in the middle of the parking lot, and a bunch of nickel and dime ass stores along the walkway.

Drive thru?

Nah, let me walk in. I’m tryna see what I can see. I said.

He parked and I hopped out. I checked my fit, then headed for the door. It wasn’t my usual style of dress and I couldn’t wait to get into some grown man clothes. I liked to dress how a man should be, in button down shirts, creased pants, and some nice square toes. My dress outs was more fit for a young broke nigga’.

I stepped off into Burger King and saw something that I hadn’t seen for twenty years, mini skirts and coochie cutters. Real touchable bitches.

Can I take your order?

I turned to find a beautiful young woman behind the counter waiting on me to order. She looked kind of young, but my nuts couldn’t tell. Damn, she was fine! I normally wouldn’t have been into somebody so young, but twenty years locked up had my shit singing a different tune.

***

Arizona

Today just happened to be the most boring day ever at work for me. The same nigga’s in and out everday trying to holler was tiring. Their weak game was the worst, as if I would waste time talking to any of them. Not only were they young and dumb, but they also looked as if they had shit going for them.

Can I take your order?

When he turned around, I saw the handsomest man ever. I had never seen him in here before, so I wondered if he was even from around here. He did seem to be as stuck on stupid as I was though. I felt an instant attraction to him, maybe even close to love at first sight.

"Yeah, let me get a double Whopper wit’ cheese, and a Sprite.

You know you could order the meal for cheaper right? I said, smiling.

Is that right? He said, smiling back.

I rang his order up and turned to get his food. I shook my ass a little, knowing he was watching. Coming out of my shell, I grabbed a pen and wrote my number down on his receipt. I had to be bold, otherwise, I would’ve stayed a scared little girl.

So what’s your name? He asked me.

Arizona, and you are?

JR. How old are you?

Age ain’t nuttin’ but a number. I said, flirtatiously.

Yeah, but if the number too low, it might catch a nigga a charge.

***

JR

Baby girl’s smile was disarming, but I was fresh out. There was no way in hell I would risk going back to the pen before I fully got to enjoy my freedom. Not even for a chance to fuck Janet Jackson.

I’m legal. I’m nineteen, I'll be twenty in a few months. She said.

Nineteen! Gotdamn, I’m forty-five. I might be a lil’ bit too old for you.

No, how? I like older men anyway.

What she wasn’t saying was she was looking for a father figure. Something she probably didn’t have in her life. Or, she was probably tired of fucking on young nigga’s who’s only aim was to beat the pussy up. Maybe she was on the lookout for an OG who knew how to treat the pussy properly.

Do what you wanna’ do with the number then. She said. If you call, you call. If you don’t, you don’t.

***

What’s that? My cousin asked, pointing to the number.

Shit, this young broad shot me her number.

What you gon’ do wit’ a young broad number? He asked, stupidly.

What you gon’ do wit’ a young broad number. I said, mimicking him. Whatever she want me to do, square ass nigga’.

While he drove off, I bit into the Whopper. After eating cold, dry soy meat for years, the Whopper was heaven like.

Where to now?

"You can drop me off at the Sea Breeze motel, I got some business to handle.

***

At the Sea Breeze, I hopped out and started to walk off. I realized that my dumb ass cousin was still sitting there like a fool.

Oh, you can bounce bruh. I said. A nigga’ gon’ be here for a minute.

What about some gas money?

I had to look at this nigga’ like he was crazy. Was he actually trying to sweat me for some chump change?

I got you nigga’, don’t trip. As soon as I finish up my business, I’ma hit you up.

I watched the nigga’ pull off reluctantly. His shortage of gas wasn’t my problem though. If a nigga’ couldn’t afford to be driving, then maybe he didn’t need to be driving.

I laughed it off, then went inside the motel. Behind the front desk was one of the prettiest Indian bitches I had ever seen. Even with the red dot in the middle of her forehead.

Is Archie here? I asked her.

"Just a minute please. She said, in her funny accent.

She picked up the office phone, spoke into it, then hung up. A few minutes later, Archie, who was always ugly as fuck, came from the back area.

JR my friend, long time to no see. Meet my most beautiful daughter. Her name is Archie too.

I looked back and forth between the two of them, wondering how ugly ass Archie had made something so pretty.

You got that for me? I asked him.

You come in back. We sit down to talk.

Fuck a talk, I thought. I followed my old connect to the back anyway, hoping he was still holding my bread for me. If not, then I was going to have to risk losing my freedom, again. I took the seat he offered, then waited on the bullshit to start.

How are things JR? I didn’t expect to see you for several more years.

"Yeah, you and everybody else. I’m surprised to be sitting here myself, yet, here I am. The question of the hour though, is do you have that package for me?

Always about business huh my friend?

That’s the best way to be. I answered.

I watched him get up with a slight smirk on his face. He knew I wasn’t really trying to hear his bullshit. There were two things that I needed at the moment. My money, and some pussy. In that order.

Archie came back in with a duffle bag that I recognized as being the one that I handed him right before I went down for murder. It still looked as stuffed as it was when I gave it to him, so I was sure that every last dollar of the ninety thousand I gave him was still there.

Here you are my friend, He says. Is there anything else I can do for you?

You still got my keys?

The keys go to my ‘92 Buick Park Ave. Back then, I was the only young nigga’ pushing a Buick. That’s because I recognized that having an inconspicuous car in the dope game was of benefit to me.

I kept it maintained for you. Everything is ready to go.

Anything else? He asked again.

I knew what he was alluding to, but I was good. I thought about it, but for me to hop back off in the dope game at this point in my life was stupid. I really wanted to enjoy the rest of my life, that’s all.

I’m good Arch, I finally say.

I grab my bag and bounce. On the way out the door, I take another glance at his daughter. She had a gang of ass, way more than I done ever seen on an Indian woman. If she wasn’t Archie’s daughter, I just might have stuck something up in her. I couldn’t do that to my old school folk’s though.

***

I took a room up in the Embassy Suites out in Union City. I dumped the contents of the duffle bag out on the bed. I can tell you this, it ain’t nothing like the smell of money after not being able to see a penny for twenty years. I could’ve counted it at Archie’s spot, but I learned to never be disrespectful towards somebody I considered a friend.

It took me a little over an hour to count it, but every last dime was in there. Before I went down, I was on my way to the top of the game. I wasn’t on Felix Mitchell’s level, but I was on something like a major level.

After I counted up the stacks, I decided to hit Arizona up. Like I said, my money, then some pussy. I dialed her number, listening through five rings before she answered.

Hello. She finally answered.

Can I speak to Arizona? I asked.

Who is this?

This JR.

Hi. I wasn’t expecting you to be calling so soon.

What you up to tonight? I asked, ignoring her comment.

Nothing really. What you had in mind?

Dinner first. We can figure out the rest while we eating.

You not tryna kidnap and rape me are you.

Normally, I would’ve hung up on a bitch for saying some shit like that. But seeing as I didn’t have any other prospects for getting my dick wet, I let her bullshit slide.

Nah, ain’t none of that sweetheart. I’m just looking for a kick it buddy.

After a few more minutes of idle talk, she gave me her address and we hung up. With a few hours to kill before I snatched her up, I went to get me some grown man clothes. Part of wooing a female was dressing so she would be impressed. So I had to look my best.

***

Arizona

When I got the call from JR, I was super juiced. I couldn’t let him know that though. I tried playing it cool by letting the phone ring a few times before I answered. The first thing nigga’s wanted to do was gain the upper hand, and since I was tired of the games, I decided right off