Hiding in the Pews: Shining Light on Mental Illness in the Church

By Steve Austin and Robert W. Lee

In 2012, Steve Austin, then a pastor, nearly died by suicide. His experience launched him on a journey that opened his eyes to the widespread problem of mental illness and how those who live with it are often treated in congregations. He began to wonder: if church folks had talked openly about mental health, therapy, suicide prevention, recovery from abuse, and other difficult issues, would that have changed his story?

In Hiding in the Pews, people with mental illness--some of whom might be pastors themselves--will find comfort as they learn they are not alone. Those who know someone with mental illness will gain wisdom about how to be a safe presence. Those who hold the most power in church communities--pastors, board members, and lay leaders--will be challenged and equipped to transform their congregations into places of healing, where it is safe for people to be vulnerable about their suffering.

Austin draws on his own experience, as well as on interviews with eighty current and former church leaders and members. Each chapter covers a topic or theme about mental illness and the church and includes practical applications to guide leaders on a journey toward transforming church culture.

When a church champions vulnerability and establishes safety within its walls, especially for those who are suffering, the healing power of God can set the captives free. Austin offers hope that faith communities will be the first places people think of when they need a sense of safety and belonging.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fortress Press
• Release date: Sep 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9781506470498

Book preview

Praise for Hiding in the Pews

"Conversations about mental health—and the messiness that accompanies them—have long been taboo in many faith environments. This is why Hiding in the Pews is an important book for our time. With courage, candor, and grace, Steve Austin has given us a needed perspective on how church leaders can deeply care for the hurting and vulnerable in their pews."

—Aundi Kolber, licensed therapist; author of Try Softer

As a recovering ‘ministry workaholic,’ I felt personally challenged by some of Steve’s assertions. My mind would say ‘yeah, but’ as he pointed out churches’ blind spots when it comes to mental and emotional illness. His strong arguments from Scripture and from his personal experience compel us to look deeper and more empathetically at ourselves and others who suffer in the context of the church experience. An important read.

—Paul Baloche, songwriter, worship pastor, Leadworship.com

Western Christians have subconsciously baptized the American dream, but we wonder why all our striving, smiling, and responding to suffering and weakness with prayers and Bible verses leave us dry and cracking. We don’t need one more book about fighting our fears with faith. We need the kindness of wounded healers willing to show us their scars. By showing us his scars, Steve kindly and accessibly invites us into a better story, one where our weakness is welcome and our hurt is held.

—K. J. Ramsey, therapist; author of This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers

Jesus said that he is the way, the truth, and the life. These three things are connected. For too long, the church has obstructed the way to Jesus and life because we’ve been unwilling to tell the truth. We’ve created communities where everyone agrees to share only their bright and happy face. The consequence is that anyone who struggles with the heavy and complex issues of mental health and inner wounds feels alienated. With no victory story, they fear they will be excluded for telling the truth. Steve has walked this path on both sides, as a pastor and parishioner. With stories, Scripture, and a compassionate pastor’s heart, he challenges the church and its leaders to tell the whole truth. The path to life requires walking through healing, and healing requires truth. If we want people to meet Jesus in our churches, then our churches need to be places where each person’s whole painful truth is welcomed.

—Marc Alan Schelske, pastor, Bridge City Community Church, Portland, OR; author of The Wisdom of Your Heart: Discovering the God-Given Purpose and Power of Your Emotions

As a mental health therapist, I have found this book eye-opening in so many ways. There has been a gap between mental health caregivers and the church, and this book has the potential to close it. This book is powerful for those suffering and those seeking to help the suffering. It has the power to change the church.

—Alicia Lambert, mental health counselor

"Steve writes with the tenderness of someone who’s been there and the passion of someone who wants to see churches grow in their responses to mental health. Church leaders of all kinds will find Hiding in the Pews both challenging and inspiring, a resource they can come back to often."

—Robert Vore, therapist and suicide prevention instructor; host of CXMH podcast

"In his book Hiding in the Pews, Steve Austin provides a word of hope and encouragement to those who’ve experienced pain and suffering at the intersection of mental illness and the church. I encourage anyone who has ever doubted their self-worth because of mental illness or wondered if there is a place for them in a community of faith to read this book. Steve’s writing also provided me as an Episcopal priest with a helpful reminder that I don’t have to have all the answers figured out in order to care for those who are hurting or those who are searching for a safe place, one where they will feel welcomed and loved. All I need—all any of us need, really—is a compassionate heart and a willingness to listen without judgment or the need to try to fix the situation. Steve’s book is a reminder for all of us that the ministry of presence is one of the most helpful things we can offer to anyone in need of healing."

—Eric N. Mancil, rector, the Episcopal Church of the Holy Spirit, Alabaster, AL

This book has the potential to transform by bringing healing into our lives as leaders and into the lives of those we serve. Read beyond the trigger warning and do the necessary work. I am ready to share this book with the leaders of the church I serve and to help our faith community become a place of healing for the hurting. Steve challenges us as leaders. May we rise to the challenge.

—Debra Dickerson, pastor, St. Elmo United Methodist Church, Chattanooga, TN

The biggest hurts in our congregations are rarely the ones we can see. Congregants are hiding in our pews, wondering if we are a community that really means what we say about love and support. Pastors are hiding behind pulpits, wondering if people really care about them and if they’re equipped to walk alongside others through hurt and healing. Steve Austin greets these questions with a resounding ‘Yes, we see you, we love you, we’re here for you.’ He boldly empowers us to lean into the hidden hurts in our pews and pulpits and finally make real, lasting impacts on people’s lives. You are holding the perfect playbook on how to take the first steps toward caring for others in authentic, creative, and generous ways. Want to make your church a refuge? Read this.

—Arthur Harrison, senior pastor, Alabaster First United Methodist Church, Alabaster, AL; US Army Reserve chaplain

"My relationship with the church has been stormy for most of my life. I couldn’t reconcile the love of God with the church’s seeming unwillingness to love others the way they said God loved me. For the past seven years, I’ve worked the twelve steps through Celebrate Recovery (CR), a Christ-centered recovery group that originated at Saddleback Church nearly thirty years ago. CR brought me back to the church because it is no more and no less than a tribe of broken people imperfectly following Jesus’s teachings in the Sermon on the Mount.

"My Jesus brother Steve Austin’s work is aimed at bringing those of us in the church back to Jesus’s ways—embracing the uncertain believer and the certain nonbeliever, accepting the marginalized, and simply loving them long enough for the Holy Spirit to show them who he is. Hiding in the Pews shows us why God calls us to seek more Jesus and less judgment and how to begin the transformation, one congregation at a time and one soul at a time, beginning with each of us."

—Tracy Winchell, training coach, West-Ark Church of Christ Celebrate Recovery, Fort Smith, AR; host of Reboots podcast

Hiding in the Pews

Hiding in the Pews

Shining Light on Mental Illness in the Church

Steve Austin

Foreword by Robert W. Lee

Fortress Press

Minneapolis

HIDING IN THE PEWS

Shining Light on Mental Illness in the Church

Copyright © 2021 Fortress Press, an imprint of 1517 Media. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles and reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Email [e-mail] or write to Permissions, Fortress Press, Box 1209, Minneapolis, MN 55440-1209.

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries.

Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB), Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are taken from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NRSV) are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible © 1989 Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are from the King James Version.

Scripture quotations marked (GW) are from GOD’S WORD®. © 1995, 2003, 2013, 2014, 2019, 2020 by God’s Word to the Nations Mission Society. Used by permission.

Cover Design: Brad Norr Design

Print ISBN: 978-1-5064-7048-1

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5064-7049-8

Excerpt from David Tensen, Who Took Your Voice—Three Poems, on David Tensen’s official website, April 14, 2019, https://tinyurl.com/ybfaf4an. Used by permission.

While the author and 1517 Media have confirmed that all references to website addresses (URLs) were accurate at the time of writing, URLs may have expired or changed since the manuscript was prepared.

In memory of

Melissa Ann House, Andrew Stoecklein, Amy Bleuel, Jarrid Wilson, Isaac Hunter, Matthew Warren, Darrin Patrick, and all the others we’ve lost to suicide.

May your pain become our passion.

To Lindsey, who has always seen the real me. Thank you for never giving up on me and for being God’s grace, patience, and compassion to me when I had none to give myself. Thanks for continuing to choose me. I love you.

And the sheep had no idea

their shepherd had leant over life’s edge

and was staring into the relief

death was offering.

When hope and strength leave you

and the weight of a flock

rests upon your shoulders

you are forgiven

for considering

an out like this.

Why does he not just trust God?

the sheep murmured.

Which was ironic,

seeing they expected

so much from their shepherd.

If he is gone, how will we be fed and led?

they continued.

Which was ironic,

seeing they confessed

the Lord was their shepherd.

And on that ledge

out of earshot from the sheep

the shepherd heard the voice

he’d been longing

to be strengthened by.

"Don’t jump.

Just fall

into me

and new way

of being."

Needless to say,

the sheep were shocked

when things changed.

But they grew anyway.

Finding green pastures on their own.

And the shepherd learned

to breathe again

to enjoy the meadow

and walk lockstep

with his friend and lover

the Shepherd King.

For the pastor who nearly died by suicide

David Tensen ’21

Contents

Foreword by Robert W. Lee

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction: Vulnerability Can Heal Us

Chapter 1: The Power of Vulnerable Leadership

Chapter 2: Becoming Trauma Informed

Chapter 3: The Wonderful Gift of Presence

Chapter 4: The Terrible Gift of Sight

Chapter 5: Interlude: God’s Boundless Love

Chapter 6: Embracing the Fullness of Your Story

Chapter 7: Hiding behind the Pulpit

Chapter 8: Cultivating Vulnerable Conversations

Chapter 9: Neutralizing Shame

Chapter 10: Self-Care Basics

Chapter 11: When the Church Gets It Right

Appendix A: Six Simple Steps for Suicide Prevention

Appendix B: Quick Reference Guide

Appendix C: The Role of Faith in Suicide Prevention: Consensus Statement on Suicide and Suicide Prevention from an Interfaith Dialogue

Notes

Foreword

I don’t know if this book is for you.

Comforting words to start a foreword for a book, right? I say this because I want you to know that this book has the honesty that may make some readers uncomfortable. Still, while this book may not be for you, I assure you that you most definitely need to read it.

In 2016 I was admitted to Duke University Hospital for my bipolar disorder. I was a graduate student in the Duke Divinity School at the time, and one memory stays with me to this day. A chaplain resident who went to school with me was assigned to the psychiatric ward for the time I was hospitalized. After I was released and returned to school, the person would not even make eye contact with me. It was as if we shared some dark secret that needed to be kept between us so our budding ministries could continue without interference from each other.

I remember finally walking up to her in the café and acknowledging the fact that we had seen each other under such circumstances. Here’s the thing, though: I should never have needed to have that conversation about my taking up space in a psychiatric care facility. While she was trying to be kind and protect my human dignity and her position, the whole school knew, and I had talked about my experiences.

What I’m getting at is simple and complex: I should not have to apologize for taking up space in this world. Frankly, too many times those with mental illness within the church are forced to explain away their pain, their hopes, their sadness, and even their joy. More dangerously, as you will read in these pages, some people will even have to reckon with their church communities, where others are demanding their illness be prayed away or chased out as if they need an exorcism. Let me be clear: the heart of God is far bigger than that.

The church should follow God’s lead. Steve Austin is an advocate for our big-tent God—a God who is willing to embrace you at the height of mania or the depth of depression, a God who will quiet the fears of anxiety and instability, a God who will shift the weeping of depression to the joy of a new morning. Steve has come to know that God and shows us that this God is worth getting to know.

We live in daunting times, but we have come to know, as Steve has, that this is not a time to shrink back from necessary conversations and difficult realities. We do not live in neat boxes. Instead, in our disarray we find the heart of God. Because we are made in the image of God, God indeed knows the pain we are feeling and is willing to sit in the disarray with us, as a parent looks at a mess and wants to help a child instead of scolding.

Don’t be afraid of the mess of life, but don’t let it define you, my friend Steve proclaims in this book. Don’t be afraid to tell the good news that is no longer secret: your God and Guardian will indeed guide you, your church, and your community to wholeness, holiness, and healing. What a day that will be.

—The Reverend Robert W. Lee

Pastor, activist, and author of Stained-Glass Millennials, A Sin by Any Other Name, and The Pulpit and the Paper

Preface

Trigger warning: this book contains explicit discussion of trauma, mental illness, childhood sexual abuse, and suicidality.

I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t a regular church attendee, at the very minimum. I sang my first solo in our church’s Christmas play before I entered kindergarten. I was a youth leader in high school, went on multiple short-term mission trips, spent two years in Bible school after high school, and served as a youth pastor or worship leader (or both) in various evangelical churches for the better part of a decade.

And then, in 2012, I nearly died by suicide.

This launched me on a journey: one of opening my eyes to the widespread problem of mental illness and how those suffering from it are treated in countless congregations. I began to wonder if my experiences, and the experiences of those like me, could have been prevented if mental illness had been a regular, normal part of our Christian conversation. If talks of mental health, therapy, suicide prevention, recovery from abuse, and other difficult issues had been normalized in church services and Sunday schools, would that have changed my entire story and experience? Would it have prevented me from ever attempting suicide?

As it turns out, I’m not alone in my experiences with mental illness and the church. When I first shared my story via my blog in September of 2013, hundreds of comments, emails, and social media messages poured in from around the world. Other hurting Christians who had spent years hiding in the pews and behind the pulpit were suddenly feeling less alone by reading my blog. The stories strangers found the courage to share with me helped me feel less alone too. The initial blog post, From Pastor to a Psych Ward,¹ is the basis for the book you now hold and the spark for my passion to cultivate church reform so that our local churches become safe places for all people, especially those who face stigma and shame due to illness, disability, race, gender, and sexuality.

While my primary focus for the past several years has been on everyday Christians and spiritual misfits, this book is aimed specifically at church leaders: pastors, board members, and lay leaders. You are the ones who hold the primary responsibility for transforming church culture, and I want to partner with you to make that sacred revolution a success.

I also want to mention that I spent the first thirty-six years of my life in the evangelical world. I was born a Southern Baptist, spent nearly twenty years in the Assemblies of God denomination, and worshipped with the Methodists for a couple of years before finally, in the past year, falling in love with my local Episcopal parish. So if my evangelical roots shine through in various places in this text, you’ll understand why. However, I firmly believe that the principles and practices in this book can also serve mainline churches and other Christian traditions. Because even if our labels are different, many of us know the desperation of feeling all alone while surrounded by a congregation of fellow believers.

As you start this book, you’ll notice that each chapter covers a topic or theme about mental illness and the church, including a practical application section to help guide leaders on a journey of transforming their church culture. Why? Because this kind of total overhaul begins from the inside out or from the top down, and sometimes those of us on the top and on the inside need help taking the first steps toward that overhaul.

You should know, I’m not a mental health professional, nor am I a researcher. But after surviving a suicide attempt, I became a vocal advocate for mental health, and I am passionate about this truth: storytelling saves lives. As I prepared to write this manuscript, I surveyed eighty people, composed of current and former church leaders and current and former Christians (from a variety of denominations and congregations). I asked each of them the following questions:

1. Please describe your experience with the church. What caused/causes the church to feel like an unsafe place to share your story?

2. During your season of despair, did you feel seen by the church or like you had to hide? Please share the good, bad, or ugly. I’m looking for both positive and negative feedback.

3. How did that experience make you feel? (In other words, What do you wish the church knew about the people hiding in their pews and/or behind their pulpits?)

4. What’s one bit of advice you’d give church leadership to help us become a safer place to heal?

5. Is there anything else about your experience with the church that you’d like to share—especially if it could help the church better serve those who are hurting?

Their pain came through in each response—several of which I share in this book—but in many, their hope for our churches to become genuine places of refuge was also loud and clear. Their responses deeply resonated with me because I, too, have had similar experiences: I have been wounded by churches due to their actions and inactions, and while I became outraged for a while, I have also spent years in therapy, working through my anger and pain, and it is now my hope that our church communities can become the first places people think of when they are looking for somewhere where they will be safe and have a sense of belonging.

But we’ve got a long way to go, beloved. Let us therefore embark on this journey together.

Acknowledgments

Reviews for Hiding in the Pews

[Marilyn Nugent · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Austin's writing is quite accessible to church leaders and attendees alike. His examples are clear and applicable. He approaches mental health as a 'wounded healer', and that allows the reader to trust that he is not giving trite answers.
This is a must read book for people of faith as they navigate the darkness of mental illness themselves or strive to help those finding it hard to breathe.