Obsidianus

By luke w deal

A veteran of the war in Afghanistan, Corporal Ethan Miller USMC is a shell of a man. Haunted by a tragic event from his past he lives a life of self-inflicted penance, feeling underserving of love and isolating himself into a broken existence of anger and guilt. His nightmares had only just begun when he is violently plunged into an epic journey

• Language: English
• Publisher: Luke Deal
• Release date: Apr 2, 2021
• ISBN: 9781736018910

luke w deal

Luke Deal began his journey as a writer during his time in the Marine Corps. After his deployment to Spain and Africa, writing fictional stories helped bring his gloomy emotions and thoughts to the surface. A devout Lutheran, Luke paints colorful imagery in his stories that speak of his faith as well as God's justification by grace through faith alone. After being honorably discharged as a sergeant from the Marine Corps, Luke now writes epic adventures while being a full time SAG-AFTRA stuntman and actor for live performances, television, and film. Luke currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia.

Book preview

1

THE BEGINNING

The door was jammed, but Ethan Miller knew all too well how to deal with this particular problem. He leaned in with all his weight and turned the knob while hitting the bottom of the wooden structure with his knee. The door immediately swung open, and he stumbled into his darkened apartment, sweat still dripping from his forehead, and his shirt leeching onto his saturated skin. He had been meaning to talk to his landlord about the old door, but being lazy had taken top priority.

Ethan threw his keys on the coffee table that had been set close to the door for just such clutter. The keys slid across the surface, dove over the edge, and plummeted to the floor. He stood watching the keys fall as if they were purposely instigating a cruel joke about his luck, then leaned toward the light switch to awaken his apartment. As the switch was flipped on, the bulb in the center of the room exploded. He shuffled his feet back automatically as his hands rushed to cover his head, and he bent over in a defensive stance while scanning the room for any possible movement or sound.

After taking a second to recover, Ethan stood back up and regained his composure. Shaking his head with disappointment, he thought about the little things that set him off, like waiting in line for a bus ride, or even grabbing a cup of coffee only to find out on his first sip that it had too much sugar. These were surely small complications that would rarely cause someone to yell and throw a fit but would spark a small fire within Ethan’s mood. His thoughts of these headaches made his blood boil, and he was suddenly furious with everything around him.

Having just returned from the gym, which was the only place where he could ever release his anger and stress over all the problems that crossed his mind, Ethan was able to press it down quickly. He made sure going to the gym was a daily routine and knew never to skip it. He made it such a common goal that if he were to skip a day, he would be grumpy for the rest of the evening.

Part of the bad mood was of course because of his apartment. Still standing in the same dark room near the door, he took a gander at the little place he called home. The walls were plaster that had been turned tobacco yellow by the previous occupants. To his right, a pile of dirty dishes that had been stacked in the sink for what could possibly have been over a week taunted him. Microwave pizza sauce was cemented to plates, and glasses were half-filled with sour milk. Cardboard and paper plates seeped over the top of the garbage can, and a noxious smell mustered over the entire small apartment. It lingered in the air, but only for a few more minutes until Ethan’s sense of smell bowed in defeat and ignored it all. Between the cabinets stood the half-sized refrigerator, which was only keeping some juice and a few packets of cheese and meat from expiring too quickly. Walking over to the kitchen sink, he dipped his hand into the pile of dishes and pulled out a glass. He sniffed it to determine if it was clean enough to reuse. His nose disagreed, but he didn’t care. He filled his glass with tap water and began drinking as he scanned over the mess.

Moving past the kitchen, he chuckled at his old couch along the wall nearest the window in the living room. The soft brown couch, set out for the garbage men, had been found on the side of the road while he’d been jogging through a suburban neighborhood. There were a few cuts and stains, but it had suited Ethan just right. He’d made a few calls and was able to get it in his apartment for free. He didn’t really care for a TV, so the living room sat empty except for the lonely couch.

Finally, Ethan made his way into the bedroom. Toward the back was his bed and across from it only one shelf with pictures. Beside the bed were two doors leading to a bathroom and walk-in closet. Ethan didn’t have a ceiling light, but he did have a standing corner lamp in the corner between the entry and the bathroom door. Pulling the lamp’s string, he half expected the light to explode in flames, given his luck so far today. But to his amazement, the light brightened the room with no restraint.

Ethan crossed his arms, grabbed the bottom of his sports shirt, and lifted it above his head. Throwing the shirt on a pile of dirty clothes in the corner, he thought about whether he should take a shower or lie in bed for a minute first. He never liked lying on his bed dirty because it was the only thing he ever kept clean. He debated for another second, then plopped down on his back. His arm hit something hard, drawing his gaze to his laptop. Ethan pulled the laptop onto his quadriceps, opened it, and clicked a few times to get into his Facebook page.

Since being discharged from the Marine Corps, Ethan had kept to himself and barely ever left his apartment except for work. However, he would use social media to keep track of his family and friends. There was a comfort that came from being able to overlook everyone else’s lives. Though he didn’t like when people entered into his own or even checked up to see how he was doing, for that matter. He had made sure to cut everyone from his life. It was simple and easy to ignore all the texts, emails, and calls that came his way from family and friends, asking if he was hanging in there, or if he needed someone to talk to. All emotional support and anything related to feelings were purposely cast out of his life.

The laptop’s light reflected off his glazed, sweaty body as he tapped lightly on the keys, careful not to put too much pressure on them, and he used his other hand to scroll through his feed. He paused scouting the recent posts to open his playlist and chose to put on jazz music to help him relax a bit.

After some time scrolling through his Facebook feed, a notification popped up. It was a friend request from a girl named Jessica Marshall. The name wasn’t recognizable, but he decided to scout out her page and see if there might be any mutual friends or if a few pictures would recall a previous friendship. To his surprise, Jessica seemed to be friends with a few of his military buddies. He didn’t really care to add anyone new to his media account. The girl was probably a hookup of all of his mutual friends. He was swaying his mouse over to decline the request but took a closer look at the default picture Jessica had placed, lingering over the thought of scrutinizing her. He clicked on the box to enlarge the photo.

Ethan was stunned at how attractive this girl really was. Lying down on a towel surrounded by sand, she had her arms behind her to keep her top half lifted and chest firmly pressed proudly outward, making a slight arch in her back. She was a beautiful girl who was very fit and tan, and a dirty blonde with long hair dangling down by her elbows. Her smile was big and bright, and she looked like she was really enjoying herself. She had on a white bikini that perfectly fit her athletic build. Ethan was more intrigued by her beauty every second he looked at her. Her skin glimmered and contrasted against the bikini well. He clicked off the picture, and his desire still didn’t outweigh his previous decision. As he was about to hit decline, a slight creak coming from the walk-in closet immediately drew his attention.

The apartment he rented always had weird sounds, which never bothered him, so he retreated back to the laptop only to be met with a louder thud from the same area. This time, Ethan’s heart beat faster. He shut off his music to listen for anything else. He waited for a minute or so, but nothing. Then he threw his laptop off his legs and reached for the drawer in his nightstand, quickly retrieving the 9mm Sig Sauer pistol he kept there. Ethan grabbed it and released the clip to confirm the ammo he knew would be loaded. There on top was a round followed by many others underneath. Popping it back in, he grasped the slide and pulled it back to make sure there was already a round in the chamber. Confident he was ready to search out the mysterious noise, he began creeping toward the closed door in an offensive stance. He pressed himself against the wall closest to the doorknob so he could open the door forcefully and take the intruder by surprise. Certain there was something or someone in that closet, he wanted to be the first one to make a move. Once against the wall, Ethan took his left hand and grasped the knob, then took his shooting hand and crossed it over the top of his left arm and slightly back toward his body to gain more leverage when he opened the door. His heart beating as hard as a drum, he needed a second to take a deep breath. He told himself on the count of three.

One…two…THREE!

Ethan turned the knob and threw open the door, placing himself in the center of the opening to take aim at the threat.

A dark human figure raised its arms above its head. Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! It’s just me, Tyler!

Ethan held his aim on the dark figure, his finger slowly applying pressure on the trigger. His entire face squinted with laser focus, his eyes sharp and not daring to move from his target. No one from either side budged an inch.

Look, I was going to jump out at you and scare you. But it was a horrible joke, and I can see that now as I look down the barrel of your gun. Will you please just turn on the light and see for yourself?

Ethan noticed his breathing, and his tunnel vision on the figure expanded. The light from his lamp showed a somewhat familiar face in the dim closet. His body began to relax, and his finger slowly yielded from the trigger; then he dropped the pistol to his side, feeling relieved and pissed. Reaching around the wall on the inside of the closet, he flipped the switch to expose the stupid intruder.

There on his knees, hands still raised, was the person he’d said he was. The light showed a broad-shouldered male with short black hair; he looked in his late twenties. Tyler Hawkins had a long narrow head with a sharp jawline. He’d had some acne from high school that had left craters around his cheek area. From where he was kneeling, his fear-filled brown eyes pleaded from under his bushy eyebrows. What struck Ethan more was Tyler’s long neck that connected to his square chest, part of his short torso. In a way, Tyler’s body always seemed to look alienated to him. They had been friends since high school. They’d met on the football team and gotten along ever since. Of course, they hadn’t talked much after Ethan joined the Marines. Tyler had stayed local to pursue exercise science and become a personal trainer.

Are you partially dumb to come in here and try pulling that kind of shit? Ethan let out a sigh of relief and walked back over to his drawer to put his gun to rest. After closing the drawer, he turned back to Tyler.

Tyler hesitated before dropping his hands and working up a smile as he walked out of the closet. He threw a sock that had been resting on his shoulder back into the small, enclosed space behind him. Well, you know, I wasn’t trained to be a tactical killer, so cut me some slack.

Yeah, well—wait. How in the hell did you get in here? Ethan asked in an aggravated tone.

Your mother had a spare key and told me to bring you over some lasagna, which, by the way, was great! replied Tyler.

Now more annoyed, Ethan went about putting on a semi-clean T-shirt from the dirty pile of clothes so he didn’t feel so naked in front of his friend.

Tyler walked over to the only shelf and looked over the few pictures there. Ethan, you know your closet is atrocious! How do you find anything in there? He lifted each frame and looked at the pictures more closely.

I hate small spaces, and I honestly couldn’t care less to spend any time in there organizing clothes. It’s not on the top of my priority list.

Ethan sat on the edge of his bed and slouched, looking straight ahead at the wall and regretting his rash behavior. Sorry if I might have gone too far with the gun in the face and all. Sometimes I can’t help it.

Tyler turned his head and gave Ethan a reassuring nod. It’s no problem, man. I’ll make sure to knock at the front door. That way I can be greeted with a less threatening weapon, perhaps a butter knife next time.

Both men laughed at the exhausted joke.

With a puzzled look on his face, Tyler scrutinized the picture he held. He seemed to ponder for a moment before asking Ethan a personal question. You know, it’s been five months since being back from deployment and out of the military. She had to have moved on. Shouldn’t you? He placed the picture of Ethan with his arm wrapped tightly around a girl back on the shelf and turned to Ethan, waiting for a reply.

Ethan still sat on the edge of the bed studying the wall hard. He’d heard what Tyler had asked, but keeping that picture of Eileen and himself certainly showed he hadn’t moved on, and he didn’t care to admit that to Tyler. Showing some sort of emotion for someone, especially a girl, was something Ethan planned to keep hidden out of the way of his life.

Tyler broke the silence. Your mom says you’ve been distant from the family. Says you work a lot at Bob’s Construction and always move from site to site wherever they need you. Not a bad gig, but you know, they would love to see you when you get the chance.

Ethan broke his hypnotic stare at the wall and grabbed his laptop, moving it from his bed to his nightstand. Yeah, I’ve been kind of busy lately. I’ll get around to seeing them. He knew what he was saying was bullshit but hoped Tyler would see it as a conversation he didn’t wish to open.

Ethan swiped his face with both hands in the hope of wiping his tiredness away. Look, man, it’s getting late, and I need to take a shower. How about we catch up later? He stood up and raised his hand for an upper handshake.

Tyler looked down at his feet with a slight smirk, then completed the handshake and gave Ethan a half hug. Sure thing, man. He turned and walked out of the room.

Ethan leaned against his bedroom wall and watched Tyler open the front door to exit.

Tyler made it halfway out and then yelled in a high-pitched voice, Oh, by the way, I told your family you and I are going to have dinner with them tomorrow at seven. Okay. Bye. Lots of kisses! He slammed the door and was gone.

Ethan was left gazing after him in total astonishment at how he was able to work his way into the cracks of a chicken coop and not get shot.

Retreating to his bathroom, Ethan started undressing again so he could finish the night with a hot shower. As he undressed, he noticed the picture frame Tyler had picked up was facing the opposite direction, toward the wall. He rolled his eyes at Tyler’s ignorance and grabbed the frame to turn it around. As he did, he couldn’t help but freeze and look at the picture in his hand.

He saw two happy people holding each other. Eileen was wearing that short green dress he had bought her that stopped at the edge of her knees. Her eyes were bright in the picture. Because of the dress, her green eyes stood out more than any of her other features. However, that didn’t stop her smile from competing. Her teeth were slightly bucktoothed, yet each tooth stood white as snow. Her face was round, and she had chubby cheeks for being a lean girl and on the shorter side. He’d always noticed the smaller details in Eileen, such as her soft freckles around the nose and under the eyes. She was everything he had hoped for in a girl. He studied the picture and as he did, he welcomed back all those feelings of the past. It built from his stomach until it reached his throat. A low grunt could be heard leaving his lips. Reaching farther into his heart, he knew why he still held on to this picture and stared at it every day.

Shaking off the reverie, Ethan set the frame back on the shelf facing the correct direction. After taking one last glance, he lethargically moved to the bathroom and tried to muster enough energy to take a quick shower.

Ethan finished removing all his clothing and reached into the tub to turn on the water. It usually took a minute or two before the temperature reached lukewarm, so he turned to the mirror. His face registered shock at what he saw in the mirror. He always kept his brown hair at a medium fade and the top short. Ever since the birth of his time in the Marine Corps, it was the only style he had known, and he didn’t wish to change it. But now his hair was messy, knotted and dirty, and the tips of each strand were frayed. He hadn’t bothered to condition it since he couldn’t remember when. Scanning lower, he noticed bags under his blue eyes, and the skin around his squared face was rugged and worn. His job required workers to have a basic, clean cut, but Ethan viewed that rule as more of a guideline than a firm order. His jaw and chin were scruffy, though not as bad as his hair.

If it weren’t for having such a physically demanding job, he wouldn’t have kept in shape. His chest was barrel-sized, tapering to a V at the bottom. But he took no notice of the shape. He placed his finger on a circular scar over his right shoulder. He slowly looked at himself and turned around to see a few shorter white lines that settled a little below his neck. He turned to face the mirror once more and leaned over, placing steadying hands on the bathroom sink. What he saw was not a man whose health was at its prime. Nor did he see himself as a warrior, survivor, or a story. He simply saw a man who was dying. He cringed, and his neck strained as he stared at his reflection. He was suffocating on his guilt and shame, wallowing in what some would call self-pity, but to Ethan, this was the main course that devoured him every day. He deserved it. He greeted it with open arms nightly, lying in the dark, deteriorating until his soul completely withered away. His teeth ground together, and the muscles flexed until he could no longer stare at himself. He whipped away from his self-examination and got into the shower.

After drying off, Ethan threw on a pair of briefs and jumped into bed. He reached over and pulled down on the lamp’s metal chain, surrendering to complete darkness. He lay there as his body accumulated goosebumps from not having any source of warmth. His covers sat in a bundle at the top of the bed, but he never grabbed them. Lying on his back, he stared up at the ceiling until he drifted off to sleep.

Eighteen-year-old Ethan awoke to a sound projecting from his phone, announcing that someone was calling him. Still adjusting to the light from the morning sun shining through the window, he kept his eyes closed and reached over to his nightstand, feeling for his phone.

Once he had it in his grasp, he quickly opened one eye to search for the answer button before shutting it again. Hello? Ethan whispered in a raspy voice.

Good morning, Mr. Miller. I’m calling you concerning your recruit training, a male voice said deep and strong, keeping every word sharp. This is Sergeant Thomas, and it seems that someone popped on a certain drug and will be discontinuing his path into the Marine Corps. That leaves an opening for you to jump in and take his spot. You are next on the list. You leave at 1900 tonight from the recruiting office, and I’ll be escorting you to the airport. Congratulations again, Mr. Miller. I will see you soon. The man hung up the phone, leaving Ethan in shock.

Ethan sat bolt upright on his bed, quickly trying to recover everything that had just been said. A smile swept across his face, and a sensation of joy filled him. Leaping off the bed, he pulled out a drawer looking for something to put on.

"Mom, Dad! Anyone who is sleeping, wake up! Ethan trumpeted from his bedroom. He had found some blue basketball shorts and, in his excitement, started putting them on backward as he headed out of his room. Can anyone hear me! This is really important!" He managed to hop down the hallway, putting one leg through the shorts and then struggling to put the other leg in.

Oh, gosh! Please stop hopping around and just put your shorts on for everything that is good and holy! Ethan’s sister stood in her PJs behind him, a hand out in front of her to block out the indecent exposure of her brother.

I’m sorry, sis, but I have some important news. Get downstairs, and I’ll tell you in just a second.

She gave a quick huff and rolled her eyes before retreating back into her room and shutting the door.

Ethan could barely hold his joy any longer, and his excited whoops echoed throughout the entire house.

His parents ran out of their room, both still wrapping their robes around their bodies and tying them shut. What’s the matter, Ethan? Why are you yelling? Is everything okay? Ethan’s mom said while looking him over from head to toe for any sign of a problem, or worse, evidence that the the house was on fire.

No! I just got a call from the recruiter, and he says there is an opening and I get to go to recruit training!

That’s great, son! We’re very happy for you. When do you leave? Ethan’s father asked.

Tonight, at seven. I have to call a few friends and tell them so I can see them one last time before…

Ethan rambled on, but his parents’ facial expressions had almost instantly changed from excitement to disappointment.

Honey, isn’t that a little unexpected and a short amount of time to get prepared? his mother said.

Mom, I’m ready to go. There is nothing to prepare for. I’ve been waiting months to get out of here and start a new chapter in my life. I finally get to do something extraordinary!

His mother’s face went ashen, and she dropped her hands to her side. His father put his arm around her shoulders.

Ethan realized the damage his exciting news was causing his parents, then sighed and took a step closer to his parents. Dad, Mom, you have nothing to worry about. I’ll be fine, and I will take really good care of myself, and I’ll be back soon. It’s only three months of training.

His mother wept.

Ethan’s sister appeared in the hallway again. What’s going on? She wrapped her arms around him like a pretzel.

Your brother is leaving tonight to go to boot camp, their dad said while still comforting his wife.

Ethan’s sister unwrapped her arms, dropping them to her side, and looked up at him. Her face drooped into a whimpering expression as she considered her impending loneliness.

Ahh, it seems like my sister actually might miss me for once. He laughed as he folded one arm around his sister’s neck.

She quickly reached both arms around her older brother and squeezed a hard hug before breaking free and running downstairs.

Ethan made his way back to his room to call a few of his friends. It was early April, and he wasn’t supposed to be leaving until August. This change was sudden but did not give him a feeling of unease. In fact, he was more than ready to leave and face the challenges ahead. Most of the day consisted of constant pacing and mentally preparing himself to leave behind the only world he knew.

It was moving closer to Ethan’s time of departure, and Tyler was the first of his friends to arrive. Ethan and Tyler exchanged handshakes and discussed what the three months might be like and how much different it would be without Ethan at home. They’d both graduated high school last year and were going in two opposite directions. But both were very happy for each other. During their talk, Ethan laughed at a smart remark Tyler had made and looked over his shoulder to see Eileen walking up the driveway. Tyler noticed the line between the two and slapped Ethan on the back, giving him a confirmed nod as he walked away.

Ethan composed himself before walking down the driveway toward his girlfriend. As the two met, Eileen looked up into Ethan’s eyes, and they both just stood there, neither saying a word.

Hi, Eileen struggled to get the one word out before she broke down in his arms.

Hey…hey…come on, Ethan said with genuine warmth. I know things are going to be different for a while, but I have to do this, or I will regret it for the rest of my life. We can still keep in contact, given it will be snail mail.

He laughed at his joke, then noticed Eileen was still buried deep in his chest. He wished he could feel a little melancholy rather than just the excitement of leaving. He hoped that this didn’t mean he was broken or didn’t love his family or friends, especially Eileen. He knew he must show some sort of sorrow for leaving her behind.

Ethan softened his voice and said, No matter. I love you and promise when I come home, I’ll take you out to a nice steak dinner. He grabbed Eileen by the shoulders and pushed her out so he could stare deeply into her eyes. Once he saw clarity, he gave a slight smirk and kissed her on the forehead before hugging her.

Eileen gave a nod of acceptance while in his embrace before the two made their way back up the driveway to join the rest of his family.

His parents decided it would be best if Tyler drove Ethan to the office so his family could see him off from their home environment. He was leaving without any personal items or extra belongings, with only the clothes on his back, as instructed. His parents met with him one last time before he embarked upon his adventure.

Ethan, I want you to do something for me. His mom was still crying but had found the strength to keep a smile also. Her voice was tender and delicate. I want you to take your phone.

"But, Mom, I can’t take my phone. I told you the recruiter sa— I know, honey. I want you to take your phone and call me," she said with confidence.

Why, you’re standing right here? Still confused, Ethan chuckled at the instructions his mother was asking of him.

No, I want you to call me and leave me a voicemail. That way when I start to miss you, I can always go back to it and hear your voice. She handed him his phone, wiping tears from her eyes.

Ethan was shocked at his mother’s unusual request, at the idea of talking on a phone to someone standing right in front of him, but he didn’t hesitate to perform what was asked of him. He took the phone and dialed his mother’s number. It rang, and his mom stared at the phone until the ringing stopped and the call went to voicemail. Ethan really had no idea what he wanted to say. This was something he had not prepared for. He was startled by the beep on the phone giving him the cue to start his message.

Uh, hi, Mom. I’m standing right here in front of you, surrounded by family and friends. Pretty much all my loved ones.

Ethan felt silly at having blatantly stated the obvious, then took a moment to think of what he wanted to say next. I guess I should be thanking you and Dad for raising me to be the man I am today. I remember you taught me something really important that I will never forget. When I step outside that door, I represent three things. God is the first of what I represent. The second, my name. And the third, my family name. I carry those names with honor and pride and will make sure to keep them in dignity. I love you and the family and will see you in three months. Also, I didn’t really clean my room. I just shoved everything under the bed. Love you, bye! Ethan hung up the phone and hugged his mom.

With a firm handshake to his father and