Damn!: My Damn Life

By Rhonda P. Stewart

Damn!: My Damn Life, is the first in a series of Damn! books. This series is not only a humorous tour through the life of Rhonda P. Stewart, but it is also a guide through the issues of childhood, college, career and relationships.

“What makes you so damn different from the rest? It’s all of your DAMN experiences. In this bo

• Language: English
• Publisher: AFTER FIFTY,LLC
• Release date: Aug 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9780578624693

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Damn! My Damn Life

Copyright © 2019 by Rhonda P. Stewart

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including information storage and retrieval or mechanical means without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

Some names and identifying details and situations have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

ISBN: 978-0-578-62469-3

Photographer- Brison Thompson- Pisces310Photography.

Make-Up Artist- Rhonda Jackson- RhondaJacksonBeauty

Email: [e-mail]

Website: www.DamnMyDamnLife.com

Dedication:

I dedicate this book to my Grandmother, Madear. You are the wind beneath my wings. My discipline and my comfort; the matriarch of our family. It is my greatest desire to put this book in your hands and let you know that you are the inspiration of it all.

To my Mother, thanks for giving me life. This is for you too.

To my Daughter, Anastasia. My dear, I love you unconditionally. Thanks for being my encouragement.

To Nae Nae, my cousin, my best friend, and my confidant. You are truly an amazing woman.

To my Aunts Ree and Polly. Thanks for being an integral part of my life.

To my Uncles Junior and TrailBlazer, the best substitute Dads a girl could ever have.

To My Uncles (through marriage) Grins and Ron. Thanks for sheltering a teenager.

To my cousins Tyrone, Tory and Ed, we are not cousins, we are brother and sisters forever. To my sister KK. You are the epitome of brilliance.

To my Ride or Die girls from FAMU: Traci, Val, Sonia, Mia and Melody, our 30+ year bond is unbreakable.

To Derica and Jon Curtis thanks for showing me kindness in action.

To the Stewart, Marks and Weary family, We are DAMN Awesome, I Love You All!.

Table of Contents

Prologue

It’s a Family Affair!

My Grandmother (Madear)

A Star is Born

Momma

Uncle Junior

Aunt Polly

Auntie Ree

Uncle Trail

Saturday Hustle

Did Someone Say Food Stamps?

Every Day I’m Hustlin...

The Move: The Four Musketeers Part Ways

The Pain Reliever

The Fire

Star Search!

Reflecting on My Damn Childhood

College

Off to College

First Day of College

Dorm Life

Is That  My Shit?!

Life on My Own

AmsterDamn!

A Mom on Campus

College Road Trip Gone Bad…

Graduation

Career

Business Trip

A First-Class Mess

Late For Work

Did I Do That?

Young, Gifted and Black

Relationships

Boy. Bye!

High Standards Can Make You a Lonely Sistah!

Meeting The One!

Easter Sunday

Social Media and Marriage

My High School Reunion

The Worst Day Ever

Starting Over

Turning 50

The Cleanse

It’s Party Time!

Special Mentions:

Pictures

About the Author

Prologue

They know I like to be on time for my events. I thanked my Glam team as I entered my dressing room. I was a bit nervous as I stopped and realized that my dream was becoming a reality right before my eyes. I was about to be center stage speaking to people about Life After Fifty! I did not realize all the things that happened to me along the way would get me to this point. But Lord, I was thankful! I knew I would get here but, what it took to get here; well, that’s the thing!

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

I soaked it in for a moment. They told me I had standing room only at the venue. Wow! My stomach started bubbling. Damn it! I don’t know why that happens. Whenever I get nervous, I get the bubble guts. My armpits start sweating, and I get musty as hell. I popped some tums and swiped on some powder fresh Sure deodorant quickly.

Get it together girl. It took a long time for you to get here.

I was proud, astonished, glad, thankful, blessed, sad, happy— hell, I don’t know what emotion I didn’t feel at that moment. I looked around the room and took in the smell of lilies and roses. These are my favorite flowers, and yes, I had them in lovely spring colors: pink, white, yellow and lavender. They were gifts from that special someone. I am glad I have him in my life; I needed a prince after a few damn frogs that I had. To be honest, some were frogs when I met them, and some I turned into frogs after dealing with them.

I had cards sprinkled about in my dressing room as well. Congrats Rhonda, you made it girl! and Live your best life! and other well wishes from friends, former co-workers, and my family. My family! We have been through a lot together! A LOT!

There was a knock on the door. It was my assistant, Renae (Nae Nae). Before I could fully tell her to come in! Nae Nae busted in through the door carrying my dress. It was beautiful, simple and sleek; it was a cap-sleeved A-line long, 1930s-style, elegant cream dress.

Here is the dress you ordered; and girl, you were right! This dress is bad!

We both took a moment to step back and admire the dress.

I don’t know why your ass wants to wear a cream dress in the wintertime though. I have some cold-ass taupe, chocolate or black dresses that you can have, but no! she said with a judgmental grin. Clearly, she didn’t approve of my outfit choice, regardless of its elegance.

Did you know some designers sent these dresses to you for free? But go on and take this off-white-ass dress. Girl, it ain’t even winter white! she laughed with slight tears in her eyes as she handed me the cream dress.

Proud of you, Boo.

We hugged. We were both getting a little sentimental. Nae Nae is my cousin and best friend. We have come a long way. This night was an accomplishment for both of us. I fanned my eyes trying to hold back the tears. The two little girls from the South Side of Chicago, doing the damn thang!

Don’t mess up your makeup, girl Renae instructed me, breaking up the emotional moment. She was back to business. She shot me a bright encouraging smile, a quick thumbs up and left the room.

As I sat there glammed up, I was overcome with emotion.

I looked in the mirror and stared at myself. One would never believe I would be here after everything I had gone through. Damn, I had so many pitfalls along this journey. I stared at the mirror, and my mind went back to my childhood. Young Rhonda: bad-ass, foul-mouthed, skinny, no-nonsense, sharp-tongued, hustler, young entre-po-negro Rhonda.

I made it!

See, I grew up on welfare and Medicaid. I often felt we were treated like second-class citizens for being on government assistance. To this day, I would rather work nine jobs than go on welfare. Even as a little child, I wanted more. I wanted something different. I wanted success.

As I got older, I found out the hard way that in order to obtain these wants, I had to leave people behind. I lost relationships, I suffered loss and pain. At one point I was diagnosed as moderately depressed. I struggled with extreme brokenness, confusion, and abandonment. I lost myself. It’s funny that after my 50th birthday party, I regained newfound confidence. I went through a midlife transformation; I stepped out on faith, and I fought me to accept me.

I didn’t always like the way I handled things, the way I looked or felt, but I was determined to be the best damn me, I could be.

This is my damn story.

It’s a Family Affair!

My Grandmother (Madear)

My earliest childhood memories are centered around my life in a three-bedroom apartment on Harper Avenue on the South Side of Chicago. My family converted a very spacious dining room and an entertain-ment room into two additional bedrooms for nine people: my grandmother; my mother; Polly and Ree, my two aunts; Latrell, my uncle; Nae Nae and Tyrone, my cousins; KK, my sister; and me.

The entertainment room had two beds: one for my sister and me and one for