Loving Samantha

By Karen F. Jackson

Loving Samantha is a collection of inspirational stories of life experiences raising Samantha, a beautiful, 17-year-old who happens to have autism. Karen F. Jackson is the mother of Samantha and author of this faith-filled special journey. Loving Samantha is divided into four sections with stories that exemplify moments with family and friends, per

• Language: English
• Publisher: Karen Jackson
• Release date: Jan 31, 2015
• ISBN: 9781633930919

Book preview

Introduction

MY HUSBAND and I were traveling back from a rare and amazing trip by ourselves; four nights and five days away from the challenging responsibilities of caring for three children, one of which has special needs. Despite the hectic pace of the whirlwind trip to Berlin, Germany, I felt refreshed and excited to be heading back home.

As we settled into our seats for the long, overnight flight, physical exhaustion overtook me and I quickly fell asleep. An hour or so into the flight, I awoke with a start.

The cabin, with lights dimmed so passengers could rest, was peaceful enough, but I arose with a strange sense of urgency. I needed to write something down. I carefully searched for some loose paper and a pen, What is going on? I wondered. I had never felt like this before.

In the months preceding our trip, I had begun meeting with other parents at my church in a support group for parents raising kids with disabilities. I was learning all about other people’s experiences, many like my own, where efforts to be involved in their churches had been frustrating, to say the least. It really got me thinking about how both challenged and blessed I was with my beautiful daughter, Samantha, who, at three years old, was diagnosed with autism.

The words that flowed out were in the form of a poem. A poem? I thought, How strange! but I put pen to paper and began to write.

What emerged was the following poem. I never altered even one word and have always treasured the phrases, convinced that God had something important to teach me through both the words and writing experience.

MY DAUGHTER OF MYSTERY

My daughter is a mystery,

She seeks me out with a gesture,

She loves me with a short gaze,

She looks like a beautiful angel,

But the angels hover over to protect her.

My daughter is a mystery,

She is a constant motion,

She swings and swims with ease, seeking relief,

She loves to laugh,

But I do not understand what amuses her.

My daughter is a mystery,

She seeks out her animal friends,

She delights in the feel of their fur,

She gazes steadily into their eyes,

Sharing a secret with them,

But she cannot share it with me.

My daughter is a mystery,

She is the Light of Christ in my life,

She reminds me that I am called to serve,

To care for the imprisoned of the mind,

The people with no voice,

She forces me to be humbled and to rely on the Lord, only,

She is indeed the mystery of my life.

When one day we are together with the Lord,

She will reveal her mystery,

She will speak freely,

Sharing our love for the Lord and our love for each other.

For now, she is my daughter,

A mystery,

And a blessing.

November, 2007

It’s been more than seven years since that flight home from Berlin. In retrospect, I believe that the experience of writing the poem, even more than the ideas it conveys, was an important step for me. As the events of my life unfolded and advocacy opportunities presented themselves, first in the church, and then in the community, I was able to confidently share ideas, stories, and the passion I was developing to advocate for people affected by disabilities through the written word within faith communities.

My hope and fervent prayer is that the stories presented in the following pages will strike a chord and offer you comfort and inspiration. I am sure God wants us to not only accept the challenges of living with disability, but eventually, He wants us to thrive through faith, love, friendship, and community.

Chapter One

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

AS MOST parents of children with special needs know and many psychologists have written about as well, parents of children with significant disabilities often experience a grieving process after the initial shock of a diagnosis. In her book, On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross writes about experiencing feelings of denial, anger, guilt, bargaining, and depression until finally reaching acceptance. Some parents begin this process while their child is still in utero, but others do not get a diagnosis until the child is a few years old, as is the case with many who have autism and other developmental disabilities and, therefore, begin that same process a little later. But no matter when the family has been affected by disability, whether at the birth of a child, later in childhood, or because of an illness or accident later in life, most will need to reevaluate the expectations they had for their child. Typical life goals such as college or marriage may not be realistic. Parents need time to adjust to the new normal, as has been talked about in special needs circles for years, and a new path needs to be established for the life of the child and the parents, who will often be faced with years of caregiving beyond the typical eighteen years.

The grieving process can also recur throughout childhood and sometimes beyond. For me, a cyclical grieving process, triggered by my daughter’s birthday, makes for a difficult month of September, and a yearly bout with mild depression. With every year that has passed, I would compare her development to where my son, just two years older, was at that age. Coupled with neighbors who had typically developing little girls running around enjoying friendships, playing dress up, and riding bikes, it was often very difficult to face another year of therapy, almost non-existent verbal abilities, and a myriad of other challenges associated with autism. It wasn’t until Samantha became a teenager that I finally felt the cycle had been broken. With support from family and friends, a maturing faith, and God’s grace, I was able to write the following to Samantha on the occasion of her 13th birthday, September 3, 2010.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Dear Samantha:

Thirteen years ago, God gave you to us; a beautiful, perfect little baby girl with blue eyes and a heart-shaped face. Your dad and I rejoiced at adding another child to our family and giving your brother, Joseph, a younger sibling. Little did we know then, what a huge impact you would make on all of us.

When we got the news that you might have autism, I cried and cried. It seemed my grief would overwhelm me. I still remember pushing you on your swing outside when you were eighteen months old, just praying and praying that you would say one word, any word that I could understand. While all my friends had children starting to say mama and even talking in sentences, you were silent, only occasionally singing phrases from children’s songs.

God had a plan, though and He has turned my grief into joy. No, you still struggle to say even one word, but what you have taught me is