Shadows

By Fenella Bass

Moving to a new job in a strange town is stressful enough until inexplicable little things start to happen to Ben's family...not least among them the old scythe which refuses to be thrown away.

• Language: English
• Publisher: APS Books
• Release date: Apr 24, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201086053

Book preview

Chapter One

I WOULD be lying if I said I noticed it straight away. No, it was more a gradual thing. Little things would reveal themselves to me, just out of reach, but always there! At first I put it all down to living in a different home, somewhere strange to me. Gradually though, over time, I began to realise that there was more to it than that. That was when I became frightened.

‘Oh you’ll love it Lara, just wait and see. Hereford is a beautiful city. We can find a good house, the kids can grow up out of London, Just think no more dreadful pollution; just think of that.’ My husband knew how to push all my buttons. I worried daily about the pollution that had reached even our little corner of North London. I worried about all the children in my children’s classes who had Asthma and allergies. So far my three were not among them, but for how much longer?! I would stare at the buses belching diesel and the cars idling in jams and think of all those fumes getting into their little, as yet, hardly formed lungs. But really? Hereford! I had no idea where it was even. I thought it might be somewhere in the West Country, but my knowledge of that stopped at family holidays taken as a child, down in Cornwall.

Ben though was still enthusing. ‘At least come down there with me and have a look. That can’t hurt, can it?’

My husband of twelve years! Once he had a bee in his bonnet that was it! Well this was more than just a bee. Ben had been offered a partnership in a solicitor’s office in this strange city. For years he had slogged into the city of London as a junior partner waiting for someone to either retire or die! Now, out of the blue this offer had come his way, and I could not be the person to stand in his way. I knew that.

For Ben there has always been an imbalance. All of his own making, but nonetheless there in his mind. You see I grew up wealthy and he did not. Our wealth though was new money. Well fairly new. We were not posh or anything like that. My great grandfather, an Italian from near Naples had come with his wife from Italy and not to avoid a cliché, had opened a shop, making and selling ice creams. He had been so good at it that before too long, he had six ice cream parlours all around the Kent/Essex regions and was raking it in. My grandfather inherited the businesses and doubled them within his lifetime. Those he left to my mother’s two brothers, and my mother was made a silent partner so she got a third of the takings, without having to lift a finger. Then one day she met my father, a medical student, fell in love and that was that. So for my sister and myself, growing up with the income from ice cream and my father’s not insubstantial earnings, we lived a life of luxury! This has always rankled Ben, even though he denies it strenuously.

Ben comes from a middle class family, did well at school and then university. He went on to study law and become a solicitor. I remember those nights when he was studying. Our eldest daughter, Lucia was a baby and we were living in a little two bedroom flat in Enfield. So besotted with each other and with Lucia, we had not cared about luxuries. My mother though, had been horrified to learn we did not even have a washing machine, let alone a dishwasher. Of course she took it upon herself to make it right, buying both, and from there the seed of Ben’s doubts about not being good enough had grown. Now ten years later, he was getting his dream job. If only it could have been in London!

I looked round at the chaos that in our house was breakfast time and wondered how on earth I was going to deal with this curve ball!

‘Have you done your homework, Lucia?’ I asked simply as a way to change the subject. I didn’t want the children to know anything about it all until we had reached a decision. My eldest, as usual hidden in a book, dark red hair hanging like a curtain, didn’t even bother to look up.

‘Mmmmmmm,’ was the best I could elicit. I took that to mean she had.

‘I have, Mummy.’ Meg, our middle child was bouncing around on her chair, spooning in cereal as if there was no tomorrow. ‘I did mine and Daddy helped me.’ I glanced across at Ben who shrugged. It was an unspoken rule that unless it was totally beyond their capabilities we did not interfere or help with homework.

‘Fractions.’ Ben mouthed at me and I nodded. Yes anyone on earth would need help with maths, myself included! Meanwhile Tyler, our three year old took it as time to get down from the table and make a grab for Rupert, our much maligned whippet.

‘Gently Ty, you know what we said. You mustn’t just grab hold of Rupert’s tail; you could hurt him and he might bite you.’

Tyler, undaunted had Rupert up dancing on his hind legs. Just another mid -week morning in the Wilson household!

Later when I got back from dropping the kids at their respective schools and nursery, I found Ben waiting for me at home.

‘We have to make a quick decision,’ he informed me before I had even taken off my coat.

‘Okay, well then I guess we had better go and look at Hereford. Where the hell is it anyway?’ Geography, like maths, has never been my strong suit. As an art therapist at a local mental health unit, I very luckily, need neither.

‘Not far from Gloucester, near Worcester, that way. It’s a good city, not that big, with a lovely cathedral. We won’t have to live in the city necessarily, we could move to a village. Have some land, the kids could have a pony, keep chickens, that kind of thing. Anyway you’ve got a friend lives near there, haven’t you? What’s her name, Beth?’ I had completely forgotten my old school friend actually lived somewhere like Herefordshire. We sent each other Christmas cards and things like that, but had not seen each other in years. I found my address book and yes, Ross-on-Wye!

‘But I haven’t seen Beth in years. I haven’t even met her youngest child.’ Funnily enough her elder boy had been born around the same time as Lucia. I remembered the days when we were pregnant together, idly sitting in each other’s flats drinking Tizer, something we both fancied drinking before Beth’s son, William was born. Then they had moved away. I think our children had both been around two at the time.

‘There you go, someone to introduce you to the area.’

I did love Ben’s optimism.

Chapter Two

‘WELL, what do you think?’

Ben and I were in the car driving back from Hereford. We had met his new partners, had lunch and then taken a look around the city. I was clutching loads of estate agent details of prospective houses and had been urged by Liz, the senior partner to come back to look around and to stay with her anytime I chose to do so. While this was lovely, I had found Liz rather overwhelming. A large, confident, single lady of around fifty, she knew what she wanted and had reached all her goals. She shared a chocolate box cottage in a black and white village, just outside Hereford, with her two cats. She had shown me copious photos on her phone of both the cottage and the cats. I had nightmares of Rupert meeting them!

Despite not having sold our house, or having a home to go to, after lunch, Ben had signed on the dotted line and was now a partner in their firm. What could I do but go along with what he wanted? Just hearing him at lunch and now as we drove home, made it all worthwhile.

‘How are we going to tell the kids?’ I leaned over to open another window. The April sunshine was surprisingly hot. Hereford too had been a surprise. It was indeed a lovely city. Not too big or overwhelming. The river Wye ran right through it. At one point Ben and I had stood on a little stone bridge and watched the boats. It had seemed very peaceful.

‘They’ll love it.’

I was not quite so sure. ‘What about Lucia? She loves her primary school and only has one more year to go. She’s not like Meg. She won’t just bounce along and make friends along the way.’

Ben smiled at the thought of our middle daughter. Born it seemed with endless confidence, Meg did indeed, bounce through life, enjoying every minute, making friends here and there as she went. Everyone wanted to be friends with Meg. She had so many party invitations one year it seemed she was never at home at weekends. Tyler, our happy ‘accident’ born when our birth control failed for some unknown reason, seemed to be developing a little of Meg’s happy-go-lucky persona too. He wouldn’t care where he was as long as there was plenty of Lego and he could have pictures of dinosaurs and trains on his bedroom wall. Lucia though – she might be a problem! She had never made friends, preferring to bury herself in books. I had done everything I could to bring her out of her shell, but had failed miserably. Sometimes I worried at night that she was on the Autistic spectrum. So much so, that I had asked her teacher. Mrs Mole, a lovely, approachable lady in her late fifties had looked askance at me.

‘What? Lucia! My dear, she’s a genius, that’s all she is. She’s so far advanced above her class, that’s why she doesn’t bond. Autistic spectrum be damned. You’ve got Oxbridge there my dear and no mistake.’

I had thanked Mrs Mole, I still giggled at her name, picturing of course a mole dressed in fifties clothing with glasses on a chain around her neck. In fact I had drawn a little picture to illustrate that but then could not bring myself to give it to Lucia. She adored Mrs Mole and would probably think the picture too frivolous. I brought my mind back to the here and now.

‘I don’t think Lucia will cope with a move.’

‘Lucia? Or you?’ Ben laughed at me.

‘Lucia. Although not sure how I will either.’

Ben and I had always been honest with each other.  He laughed at what he called the ‘Oakwood Mafia’ that being my two uncles. He laughed too at their wives, dripping gold jewellery and going to Pilates at the local leisure centre, hair immaculately styled, clothed in the latest leisure wear.

He, like me though, adored my grandmother, Lucia, after whom we had named our daughter. My grandmother was in her eighties and as sprightly as a fifty year old. She had survived the early death of her husband and lived every day to the full. I thought that maybe Meg had inherited her personality. Despite living in Clacton-on-Sea we visited as often as we could and our spare room was known as Nonna’s room, for when she came to stay with us.

Ben’s parents lived near us and were...boring. Even Ben admitted that. Geoffrey, his Dad has an allotment and spends all his life there since taking early retirement from the police and Amanda works as a teaching assistant in a secondary school and loves TV soaps and Masterchef, neither of which interest me. I find it hard when she asks me what I thought of so and so in Eastenders and what they did, or what happened in Emmerdale. I always have to say I haven’t seen them lately. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I never watch things like that.

Amanda is going to be one to take the move badly too. Ben is her only son. She suffered two miscarriages before he was born and one after. She adores her boy and loves having him just down the road, as she calls it.

Her other obsession is the bins! She has not come to terms with wheelie bins and recycling and bemoans the tasks every time we visit. Lately though she has found a willing helper in Meg who loves to tell her which things go in which bin and about how the food recycling is used to make compost.

‘Ugh’, I heard my mother-in-law say when Meg filled her in on what compost does. I can imagine that the children at her school run rings around her, but she has been there for years so must be doing something right.

Idly I looked at some of the house details. They seemed so cheap compared with London prices.

‘It might take some time to sell our house.’

‘What?! Nonsense! Bet we’ll have a buyer within days.’

That’s the other thing. I love our house. It’s what I like to call eclectic. A tall, skinny building with three floors, it houses our chaos gently and keeps us safely within. Ben and I have our bedroom on the first floor and Tyler the room opposite. Then you go up to the second floor which is the domain of the girls who both have their own room. The bathroom is on our floor. Nonna’s room used to be a kind of dining room on the ground floor, but with careful adjusting we have managed to make it into a bedroom for my grandmother. The lounge is long and thin and has a window at each end. I love that, because it makes it lovely and light. I have a thing about light. The kitchen/diner accommodates all our needs. It will be such a wrench to say goodbye to my lovely house!

When we arrive home we go to my mother’s to get the children. She had volunteered to have them after school.

‘Hi come on in.’ My mother too is always cheerful. ‘We’ve had a lovely time, haven’t we gang? We made cakes.’ My mother nods at me. She knows I’m awful at baking. ‘There’s plenty for you to take home. Go and say hello to your father Lara.’

I do as I am bid and find my father hiding in his study.

‘Lara!’ He gets up and comes to give me a hug. I fell into his embrace, which takes me back to my childhood. He and I were inseparable. I was such a ‘Daddy’s’ girl. My sister Margherita was much more like my mother. She now lives in Southend, has a bakery and two lovely children who adore our three. When The boys, as we always call them, visit there is mayhem but in a lovely way.

‘So, you’re going to live in Hereford?’ As ever my father cuts to the chase.

‘It looks that way, yes. Ben joined their firm as a partner today. I guess he’ll have to go and rent somewhere there until we can sell our house and get somewhere else to live.’ I repress a sob as I mention the sale of our home, but my father, astute as ever, picks up on it.

‘You can get a house as lovely. Take your time. I know you love your current home, but its’ a home because you made it so, Lara. All of its comfort and cosiness is down to you. It’s your little nest. What will you do for work?’

‘I don’t know - look for something at a local hospital, maybe.’ My father nods his agreement. He’s a great one for the NHS having turned down numerous offers of work in the private healthcare sector.

Just then Meg burst in. ‘Are we moving, Mummy?’ She hugged me hard, around the middle.

‘Oh hello sweetheart, let me breathe.’

Meg laughed.

‘Yes, we are, well probably. Is that okay with you?’

‘Yay, can I have another dog? Someone to keep Rupert company? Or chickens? Yes, can we have chickens? They can lay eggs and we can eat them for breakfast. Will I be able to see Molly sometimes?’

Molly is Meg’s best friend. I am overwhelmed by all the questions.

‘Oh darling, not sure about another dog. It’s quite a way away, so you may have to just Skype Molly or ring her. You’ll make friends there though.’

‘Yay, new friends. I hope they’ll be as nice as Molly. Can we have a going away party? Oh please, Mummy, can we? Invite everyone from my class, the whole class, even the boys.’ I shudder at the thought.

Meg, satisfied that she will get her way, ran off to talk to her father.

My father hugs me again. ‘You’ll do it, my girl, don’t you worry.’ The funny thing is, his faith in me means I probably will!

Chapter Three

WE decided on a house in a village just outside the city.

Ben, as always, was right about us getting a buyer easily. It all seemed to be gathering momentum and I was just a little bit afraid. After another trip down there we decided on Yew Tree Cottage - not really a cottage at all but once a vicarage. That made me a little worried as none of us are religious. Ben however told me I was being silly. It was a detached house made of stone sitting in a lovely encircling garden all around it. There was no sign of a yew tree.

I cannot say I fell in love with it immediately but it kind of grew on me. It has all we needed. Four bedrooms like our old house, but no Nonna’s room. If my grandmother did visit the girls would need to double up. They had seen the house twice now and allocated each bedroom without too much arguing.

Lucia said nothing about leaving her school. In fact Lucia said nothing about anything. She glided through the rest of our time in London like a little ghost. It is almost as if she might disappear. She was quiet and even more within herself.

I vetoed the idea of a goodbye party. Ben was going to go down first. He was given a month’s grace and that was almost up but he’d found a flat to rent until we finished up the school year in London. Our buyers also had children at school in South London and understood us not wanting to move until their term ends. So everything was working out. Why then did I feel as I did? Worried the whole time! At work I tried to avoid the subject of our move. They knew of course, as I’d given my notice making sure they had over three months in which to find my replacement.

My supervisor was fed up and told me so. ‘You can’t leave us,’ he wailed, but then gave me a hug. Believe me I don’t want to go, I felt like shouting aloud, but of course, did no such thing.

Three months was a long time.

Of course it went by in a flash. Packing everything up had to be done in between my working days. I had worked three days a week since Tyler was born.

Weekends the children still had their activities, well Meg did. Her social life could rival any celebrity! Gradually everything was packed away in cartons and boxes. Ben came home most weekends and told me he had joined a golf club.

‘A golf club!’ I couldn’t keep the incredulity from my voice.

Ben laughed. ‘Derek, senior partner number two is very keen on golf. I need to fit in.’

MOVING DAY! I felt it should be in capital letters! Of course there were last minute hitches. There was far too much stuff that had to be fitted into the car. I piled the back around poor Meg and Tyler’s car seats. Rupert had to lie on the floor in the well of the front passenger side where Lucia was sitting. She was still very silent most of the time. We set off early as it was a Friday and I thought there could be quite a bit of traffic.

Of course there were stops along the way for wees and drinks and goodness knows what. Tyler, bless him, slept most of the time. He was young enough that the motion of the car soothed him to sleep. I glanced in my rear view mirror at my boy. He was amazing. Placid, funny, lovable, everything you could wish for in a little boy. I was blessed I told myself over and over as we left London and everything I knew behind us.

Tyler has inherited Ben’s dark brown hair, unlike the girls who are red like me. Luckily we were not bright ginger but the colour of dark autumn leaves. All our hair was long and thick and in the sun we had highlights which people would pay the earth for. Usually I wore my hair in a thick plait down over my shoulder and I noticed lately Meg kept asking for the same. Lucia had always had the task of helping her sister with her hair, and when I heard shouts of ‘I want a thick plait, just like Mummy.’ I had to smile. Lucia used her hair as a curtain behind which she could hide. Tyler though had dark, wavy hair and brown eyes. The girls and I had green eyes. Meg was the only one to have freckles and they made a delightful pattern across her nose. Of all of us, I would say she was going to be the beauty. She was going to be the one fighting off boys as she got older.

Now though she was shouting at me. ‘Mummy, I’ve got hiccups.’

‘Well get a drink of water from the bottle. Lucia, hand your sister the water bottle.’

Lucia, head bent over a book as usual, grabbed the water bottle. She did, however take off the top and handed it to her sister. ‘Drink this moron.’

I knew it was a joke but I still didn’t like it. ‘Lucia, don’t speak to your sister like that, it’s not kind.’

Lucia sighed.

‘Thanks Lucy light.’ That was Meg’s name for her sister. We both had to laugh as she hiccupped between the Lucy and the light. It did sound funny. I made the most of the moment to give Lucia a sideways smile, which to my absolute delight, she returned. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad after all.

And finally we arrived at our destination.

‘Mum, the house looks creepy.’ Lucia squeezed my hand.

‘No it doesn’t. Look at all the lovely shrubs and trees round it. We can make the garden nice. That might be something you and I can do together.’

Lucia shrugged. ‘Will Dad be here?’

‘Not yet, darling, but he’ll come when he finishes work.’

We got out of the car and I found the keys Ben had collected the week before. We went through the gate which squeaked and amused Tyler so much he shouted. ‘More Mummy, more squeak.’

Meg was happy to oblige.

I opened the door and was overwhelmed by the odour of empty house. There is a certain smell empty homes emit. Not unpleasant, but of dust and maybe a bit of neglect. As if nobody has cared for them in a while. This house I knew had been empty for some time. Someone had died here, or been ill here and taken off to hospital. Their nephew had inherited it and spruced it up to sell. It had been empty since the renovations were done and it felt sad.

Bravely I pushed on through. The lounge was long and low, with actual beams! I could imagine Ben hitting his head on them. He was tall at over six feet. How to describe my husband...well think David Tennant without the Scottish accent.

There were two steps down to the kitchen, which had a utility room off to the side, with a toilet in it and it housed the gas boiler. There was a door into the garden, which had a terrace straight outside with steps leading down to a lawn. Upstairs there were the four bedrooms and a large bathroom with a separate shower cubicle. That I was sure had been recently installed. I hoped the children wouldn’t mess about being all together on the one floor.

In deference to her age and therefore status, we had allowed Lucia to choose her room. She had selected the one overlooking the front. It had two windows and an alcove where once I imagine there had been a fireplace. Our room and Meg’s looked out over the back garden and Tyler’s room was on the corner. It was the smallest but cosy and I intended to put up all his posters as soon as I could. Tyler was no longer in a cot - he had graduated into a