DoorSteppin'

By Anna A. Toq

There is a place or season at one point or another in each of our lives where we come to the realization, from where we are, the only way out of what we are facing is through simply because there is no back to turn to. We must continue to press on. Take each day one step at a time.

Yeah, it is at this point, some might call it crossroads. To others, it might as well be a ledge at the end of a cliff. Regardless of what you call it, if we are honest, we can agree, it sucks. By how the situation appears on the surface, we have reached a dead end! There is no turning back.

It is at this point we must make a critical choice. Either we will stay in the fight and tap into our God-given will to not give in, not allow the pressures of life to knock us down, or we can choose to tap out, throw our hands up, and give up on life. Whichever we choose, the choice is a personal one.

 If we are assured and know who holds our future, we can rest in this assurance. Trust that the Lord knows the best way forward. In obedience, let go and allow Him to lead. Believe and hold on to His promise. He will always be there, no matter what.

On the other hand, if we are not sure or just do not care about life anymore, this is also a good place to get an understanding of where we are going with life. I mean, you cannot go back, might as well be sure of where ya goin'.

 "Where there is a will, there is a way." As I have found. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. He is the key to the door which leads to all things, if we choose to let go, believe, and trust Him all the way. In the end, the decision to believe and live on is a personal one.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing
• Release date: Apr 19, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201026271

Anna A. Toq

Speaker, Freelance writer, and Principal Consultant @ Toq Solutions Consulting Service, LLC. Anna is a graduate of Valdosta State University; she holds a Bachelor's of Science degree in Organizational Leadership and Assoicates of Applied Science degree in Business Management with her concentration in Human Resource Management. She lives in the Midwestern United States; where she gets to wakes up each morning to a beautiful sunrise, breath taking views, and a chance to marvel daily at all of God’s wonderous creation. 

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Door Steppin'

My Let Go Year...Where I Let Go and Trust God All the Way!

Anna A. Toq

Copyright © 2019 by Anna A.Toq

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Door Steppin’

D.I.F.Y!

The Sky Is Not Fallin’

How Do I Step In?

My Year-N-Review

Hold The Door!

Door Steppin’

A memento to the launching of my freelance writing adventure.

God only knows where it will lead.

For in Him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, We are His offspring.

—Acts 17:28

Thank You Jesus. Love You, Daddy! 😊

In Christ,

A. Toq

Acknowledgments

To the honorable Reverend and Mrs. Dinah K. Siaway, my devoted parents who keeps me in check. Yes dad, I will pay my rent soon with interest 😊 —thank you!

The honorable Reverend Juwle S. Nagbe Sr. Thank you uncle, for your encouragement and godly counsel throughout the years. Aunt Martha is a blessed woman!

The words of Jesus Christ our Lord, are highlighted in red ; with respect to their original presentation. As they appear in various translations of the Holy Bible.

Chapter 1

Door Steppin’

Thursday, December 6, 2018, 6:56 p.m.

It is the end of the day, at least what should be the end. Yet I prepare reluctantly to leave behind the comforts of a warm bed, my laundry list of projects and things I have yet to get to. The soft whisper of life, as it flows in and out from the nostril of my six-year-old daughter who lay behind me, as if in a deep state of adoration and angelic excelsis deo . First, I prepare myself mentally to venture out into the night, the freezing cold winter’s air, to face what she refers to as my slave job .

She hates the idea, like the rest of my siblings, of what I do as a side job. It was the running joke of the hour when I first told them the good news of what I would be doing. My shift running anywhere from 8:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. sometimes 12:00 a.m.

She asks me the same question almost every day that I have to go work the poles. Earlier in the day, on our way home from work and school on the car ride home, she asked me, Mommy, do you have to work tonight? to which I replied, "Yes. A few nights before, she said to me, Mommy, I don’t like your job. It makes me feel like you are a slave."

I laughed in agreement. I tell her, I know dear. It is only for a little while.

I leave her sleeping as I slip out into the blistering cold winters night. It has been colder than usual for the state of Georgia. Maybe it is because I am not accustomed to being out this late in the night. We usually have a late winter. But keeping with the theme of the year, we must brace ourselves for the unexpected, whatever wintery mix that is coming our way.

You never know with Georgia’s weather. In the words of Forest Gump, Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you’re gonna get.⁵ The same can be said about winter in the great state of Georgia.

We have grown accustomed to dressing in layers. We can start out the day at 35 degrees Fahrenheit in the early a.m. and end the day in the upper 60 to 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Somedays you wake up to find frost on the ground, thinking and hoping it’s going to snow, only to have the snow turn into rain. Make that rain mixed in with high winds and patches of sunshine. As it is with life at the bottom, you take each day as it comes, one minute, one day, and one pay check at a time. I know that what I do is a dirty job.

But as Mike Rowe says, Somebody’s gotta do it. It is a menial task which requires a lot of going up and down. It is a very humbling position. It reminds you that no task is too small or beneath you as it is when life brings you to your knees, especially in the face of uncertain economic hardship. You do what you must do in order to survive.

With my final goodnight, I watch the unsettling expression of disapproval on my mother’s face as I let her know my time is almost up. I understand that given my health conditions, my safety is not worth the risk. But my options have brought me to this point, where I am at the mercy of the hour.

The more hours you work, the more money you make—well, what’s left after Uncle Sam gets his cut. I got into my car and Hillsong’s Trust is bumping through the stereos. I made my way down the express way to meet the rest of the crew.

I took the job on a whim, sinking in debt and one expense after another, not able to pay my rent. I jumped at the opportunity as one of the recruiters for the company came through the bookstore where I have work for the last five years.

With a flyer in her hand, she appeared at the door. I looked up from the computer. I greeted her as she peered into my office. She came by to see if we knew of anyone who might be in need of a part-time job or the opportunity to make extra money. As she spoke, I thought maybe it was something for the students. She kept on speaking.

I soon realized this could very well be just what I needed, not taking into full consideration all the position entails. I wasted no time. I submitted my application that very night when I got home. The next day, everything was processed. A few days later, I was hullin’ and pullin’, only to find myself repeating the same motions to my shoulders at the end of my shift.

I did not see the opportunity coming. It has been a struggle all year as one door after another has been shut in my face, accustomed to rejection and setbacks. I do not mind the shut doors. It is just, why? Why so many shut doors at once? Over time, with each shut door, things have only gone from worse to ridiculous⁷ as the Liberians would say or downright impossible.

How did I come to this point? That I would have to go hustlin’ into the night in an environment that forces me to come in contact with things I have no business smelling, seeing, or touching for that matter. Only to leave at the end of the night with my knees and shoulders inflamed and screaming. All the while feeling dirtier than a pig in the mud. One dirty little piggy that needs to stand in the shower for an additional ten minutes every night. Sorry, sis, for the water bill.

It has been here, many nights, standing under the steamy droplets of hot water that washes over me bringing in each droplet, rejuvenation to my dry aching bones, here in the reconstruction of my joints. Many nights, I find myself assessing the situation. My economic, social isolation and life at the bottom, make that rock-bottom. And yes, Ezekiel, these bones can live again (Ezekiel 37) as they do, night after night.

As I stepped out of the shower tonight, the thought lingered in my mind, God, I know you have not abandoned me. The evidence was right before me as I took a glimpse of the older woman staring back at me in the mirror, covered in a mist of steam. As the aroma of organic tea tree oil and dandelion root infused the air, a girl no more. The reflection staring back at me can attest to this fact.

I cannot help but rehash in my mind the challenges and struggles that have brought us to this point as one door after another has been slammed in my face. I would understand if, in some way, I had done or said something wrong or offended someone to come face-to-face with such a harsh reality.

Our relationship has grown closer in the last six years. I am sure it would be brought to my attention if I had done something out of line. I rarely talk to anybody. I know to stay away from men. I have taken 2 Thessalonians 4:11 to heart. I mind my business and respect other people’s space. The only time I leave the house is to go to church, work at the bookstore, and the weekly grocery hunt.

As an online student, I have no social interactions. It’s just me, my thoughts, and whatever screen is in front of me at the moment