Inevitable Madness

By Deborah Fasola

I'm afraid of him, but I want him with all my heart.

I want her like I've never wanted anyone else, but I hate her with all my heart.

He is fear and danger.

She is innocence and sin.

He will never be mine.

She belongs to me.

Lydia Gale dreams of luxury and fame, so when she moves to Los Angeles, she decides to come to terms with herself by becoming the fake girlfriend of a well-known Hollywood actor. When his attentions fail, Lydia threatens to reveal their secret to the press, tarnishing his public image with a scandal of unimaginable dimensions.

So she is sent to a party, representing her boyfriend, and it will be there that she will meet Max, a man as attractive as dangerous, who will save her from that crazy night making it unforgettable.

Max will forcibly enter Lydia's life and the more she tries to escape from that dangerous situation, the more she will find herself involved, feeling for some strange reason attracted to that absurd and unruly world. Max and Lydia will learn to know each other and heal their inner emptiness, but more than anything else they will learn to love.

A sociopath.

An ambitious girl.

A crime.

A vicious cycle of lies.

And one dream of love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: deborah fasola
• Release date: Apr 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781071596722

Book preview

About the book

I'm afraid of him, but I want him with all my heart.

I want her like I've never wanted anyone else, but I hate her with all my heart.

He is fear and danger.

She is innocence and sin.

He will never be mine.

She belongs to me.

Lydia Gale dreams of luxury and fame, so when she moves to Los Angeles, she decides to come to terms with herself by becoming the fake girlfriend of a well-known Hollywood actor. When his attentions fail, Lydia threatens to reveal their secret to the press, tarnishing his public image with a scandal of unimaginable dimensions.

So she is sent to a party, representing her boyfriend, and it will be there that she will meet Max, a man as attractive as dangerous, who will save her from that crazy night making it unforgettable.

Max will forcibly enter Lydia's life and the more she tries to escape from that dangerous situation, the more she will find herself involved, feeling for some strange reason attracted to that absurd and unruly world. Max and Lydia will learn to know each other and heal their inner emptiness, but more than anything else they will learn to love.

A sociopath.

An ambitious girl.

A crime.

A vicious cycle of lies.

And one dream of love.

The Author

Deborah Fasola, class of ’78, is a freelance author and editor. Her literary debut took place in 2011 with her first fantasy work; then she published other novels of the same genre and some manuals and short stories, to then dedicate herself only to romance and make the big jump.

In 2015, in fact, she published two novels with You Feel, Rizzoli, and on June 30, 2016 she debuted in bookstores with the romantic comedy "Tradiscimi se hai coraggio", published by Newton Compton publishers. She will continue to publish romance and dream along with her readers.

To my readers, always present and always special.

And to whoever loves to dream... and read.

For a journey that never ended, a miracle ignored,

But it was here and we're just moving to another prison.

Condemned to remember all the time

To think about mistakes that now we won't make anymore.

Marco Masini

Prologue. Lydia

Smile, baby. That’s right... and now kiss me, he tells me through clenched teeth because he is busy giving out sly smiles in front of the myriad of flashes that are going off just for us.

I love this life.

I pose beside him and flirtatiously observe the cameras that, under the starry sky of the night of the stars, frame the couple of the moment.

I clutch his shoulder, kiss his cheek, the corner of his mouth and then his smile. His fresh minty taste invades my mouth and a moment later I hear him laugh with more intensity. He waves to the crowd, and the little girls go wild.

I lower my gaze and adjust my neckline, proudly showing my round breasts, the result of years of hard training.

As a child I was fat, wore braces and I suffered from bulimia, but today I am the woman of the star: Jace McLawrence’s official girlfriend, the greatest up-and-coming actor of the moment, what every woman wants in her bed and every man would like to emulate or become.

Thank you all, says Jace pulling me along the red carpet that I have dreamed of walking on my whole life.

And here it is, my dream come true, in spite of all the fake friends who laughed at my extra pounds or my thin and always greasy hair.

At that thought I shake my head as I too greet the crowd, then together with my boyfriend we head for the white limousine waiting for us at the end of the long red carpet, where the driver, fully dressed, has already opened the door.

I breathe the warm California spring night air and feel like a goddess ready to ascend to Olympus.

Flashes still blind us and when we get to the car, Jace pulls me to him, wrapping an arm around my waist, ready for the grand finale.

I suddenly find myself looking into his eyes instead that the crowd that calls his name – and that, as reflex, loves me too, except for the stalker girls, the worst ones, who would probably want me dead and buried instead – and my heart starts beating wildly.

And now the grand finale, baby! Jace says an inch away from my mouth, squeezing me a little tighter.

His perfect and powerful body presses against mine, enough to make my head spin.

And finally, his lips kiss me.

It is an intense, scenic kiss, deep and passionate at the same time.

While the crowd cheers on us, I wrap my arms around his neck and feel like the luckiest woman in the whole world.

I let go and melt into that endless gesture that the paparazzi immortalize as if crazed, and it is only when I fear they will melt their cameras and I’ll go crazy that Jace pulls away from my lips.

Oh my god!

My lips are literally on fire, but he smiles.

I stare at him rapturously, as if it is the first time, and when he pulls away, I get chills.

We say goodbye to the crowd and the film festival we attended.

I like this world, this life, this role of mine.

As a quirky, terribly out-of-touch Southern girl, I set out to pursue a dream, and after a strict diet and a complete makeover, it finally came true.

Here in Hollywood, I've done it all: I was sixteen when I ran away in search of happiness and started my new life as a waitress; then I became an improvised beautician, a saleswoman, a clerk and now I'm the star's girlfriend and I have to say that this is the best job I've ever had in my life, even if it's not really work.

Or maybe it is.

How would you call lounging around in a mega villa, by the side of a mega pool with a Cosmopolitan in your hand and a waiter filling your glass all day long?

I basically found my star, it had been all thanks to a giant, immense, phantasmagorical strike of luck: let’s face it, I found myself in the right place at the right time, for once in my life.

I only come back to the present from my mental lucubration when Jace urges me to get into our luxury car.

I nod, smile cheerfully and we greet again the crowd, together.

I get into the car and the hushed chatter combined with screams and serenades of love is shut out.

I smile, I let my hands run on my smooth, thin, and uncovered thighs and I enjoy the smell of the leather that surrounds me and comes from the seats of the limousine I am sitting on. Finally, I’ll add, since I think I deserve this high lifestyle after what I did and considering that the heels are destroying my feet.

In short, I'm doing great, I'm on a roll and I'm happy. Or at least I think I am.

I look at my boyfriend sitting in front of me, smiling as much as I am, happy and serene, deeply thanking me with his eyes.

You were great, he says decided. He lifts a hand and touches my knee, provoking a series of electrical shocks that radiate through every nerve ending in my body.

He is so handsome with his dark hair, deep eyes, perfect features... so handsome to hurt.

I smile back. We were great, I say.

Thank you, he says and then turns to the man sitting next to him, dressed in a suit and with a pair of dark glasses resting on his perfect nose. He too is handsome, serious, and contemplative.

I look at them and swallow, settling into the seat that welcomes me and paralyzes me.

Andrew raises a hand and rub his thumb over Jace’s mouth. You are all smeared with lipstick, he tells him seriously but then smiles.

Jace's face lights up and follows the man’s hand like a cat looking for its master's caress.

I missed you, he whispers to him as he lets him clean off the marks I left on him, and then kisses him on the mouth passionately.

I stay and watch them, and it doesn't happen like the early days, when I used to watch them and be so turned on by them that I had to touch myself afterwards to not ask them both to welcome me between them, since the rules were clear from the beginning.

No, I'm almost nauseous now.

I sigh as their effusions become more and more involved and I want to open the partition that separates us from the driver to catch my breath and not have to be alone in here with the two of them.

Still, I should be used to it. Because this is my job.

I met Jace at an exclusive party that I crashed uninvited and when I made a pass at him, he turned me down.

That rejection, however, did not lead to hatred or any attempt to escape, on the contrary, for me to have even a few words with an actor like him was something super; so, we stayed at the bar of the club for a long time, chatting, both drunk.

It had been only at the end of the night that he confessed it to me, probably thanks to the high level of alcohol in his blood: I am gay, he told me feeling ashamed.

I am gay, but I am also a very famous actor, and as you know a sex symbol career and homosexuality don’t go together. Teenage girls need to be able to dream, they need to be able to touch themselves thinking of me, ready to take them in any moment, and not attached to a man’s lips.

Actually, that was a big drama. For me too, I mean, not just for his fans. So, after a long and drunken reflection I proposed it to him. I could help you if you will let me... I could be your cover.

My cover?

Yes, your girlfriend... for pretend.

Since that night, more than a year has passed and all the tabloids are talking about me, the unknown girl from the South and Jace McLawrence, the rising star that all of America already loves and who makes the big screen pale with his talent, finally getting engaged.

We are the couple of the year.

At home my family is ecstatic, completely freaking out.

From the useless fat girl in a remote Alabama town, I have become the girlfriend of a Hollywood star, and my parents couldn’t be prouder.

Here in the city, I am treated with velvet gloves. He supports me, makes me live like a queen and I give him my job, that consists in pretending to be his girlfriend while in public. In a nutshell, I really have become his cover.

Basically, I have to kiss him and hold him in front of the spotlight and journalists and then, once back in the mega villa on the hills of Los Angeles, I lock myself in the room and live my life while he privately lives his. With Andrew, his great love.

A simple thing, actually, effective, great, unique.

The job that every woman would like, despite that it is often humiliating and might seem absurd to someone.

Wealth, fame, and popularity for free, basically.

And everything would really be perfect, I think as I watch the men laughing, holding each other and kissing again.

Really, it would be.

If it wasn’t for a small, insignificant detail: I am madly, hopelessly and totally in love with Jace, and he will never be mine.

LYDIA

No one knows what really goes on in this house, sometimes I don't think I know everything that goes on in here either, as I stay locked in my room - which has a square footage similar to that of my entire childhood home in Alabama.

But the deal is clear: I have to disregard Jace when we're in private and I have to be the perfect girlfriend and always flawless in public.

Only in this way can our partnership work.

I am his cover and to make me perfect for the role, he gives me everything I need: a hairdresser and make-up artist daily, healthy food, good books, and a professional masseur once a week. Nicholas, that currently represents the only figure in my life that once in a while touches my naked skin – and never as I would like – since for the world I am the girlfriend of the star and therefore untouchable.

And, by the way, this is the main point of our special pact: I don’t have to ruin his image, never. So, there’s no flirting with other men nor having an affair.

If I want our charade to continue, and for him to keep maintain me and give me money – offering me to live this kind of life, that allows me to send something to my family in the sunny Alabama – then I must abide by these simple rules.

Jace knows he is asking a lot of me, as he asked of two other women before me: both them and I had to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement about the truth and about his sexual orientation, or we might be ruined for life if we break it. And his lawyers, as his bank accounts, are badass.

In other words, if I ever revealed to a living soul that I worked for him and not just in his bed, or made his homosexuality known, I would end up paying a legal fine for damage to his image until the birth of my great-great-grandchildren, I suppose.

At the beginning, everything seemed wonderful, the most amazing of ideas, so much luxury, a lot of money, home, and food for free, only for some kisses and some hours in the gym every day.

It used to weight on me that I had to start dieting again to be perfect for him, but I was beautiful – he had told me – so we had to bring out the best in me to show the public why he had chosen me. Over time, on that aspect things had gotten better and now it is part of the daily routine, but also so boring.

Jace has always been perfect with me, special.

He is funny, down to earth, always cares about how I live and how I feel and gives me a lot of attention, and I have to say that over time we developed a great friendship as well.

As my dad always said, there isn’t a better friend for a woman than a gay man.

The problem is that Jace has really been the best for me, and the more the months passed here at the mansion, the more things went better and better between us. We became close even within these walls, although our lives coincided very little since he is always away at work and when he is at home, he is engaged in activities to keep fit.

Everything went so well until we found an obstacle: Andrew.

So, from occasional nights of sex with selected partners that I had to endure, and seeing him walking around the rooms in his boxer shorts only for a few hours on the following mornings, my supremacy of woman of the house has been dethroned by this beautiful, young and handsome brunette, who for four months now has become the secret boyfriend of my official boyfriend.

Quite a mess, huh?

Considering that he spends a lot of time here in the house – because they can only be free and love each other here – I ended up having an infinite time for myself, locked in my room like now.

And so much loneliness too.

And I am bored.

Even now, despite looking out of the huge window overlooking the Hollywood Hills and the heavenly pool of the McLawrence house, I feel lonely and less and less inclined to continue with this charade.

Because to tell you the truth, it hurts me.

It hurts to be here and not being able to have him, it hurts when he kisses me and I know he is just acting as in one of his movies, it hurts when I realize he will never be mine. And it isn’t like he is married or doesn’t find me attractive, no. He is gay, and that’s a pretty definitive thing for a woman, forever precluding her to have the object of her desire for herself.

I'm always going to lack something to be able to be with him – in having a vagina between my legs, that is normal - so it doesn't help that I find him so utterly irresistible and have fallen in love with him.

Not now at least, when even masturbating thinking about his lips and fake hugs isn't enough for me anymore.

Not now that he's in love and considers me less and less.

Not now that I've realized that I'm really just a knick-knack, a mask, a little stage toy that is of no use outside of that and certainly never will be of any real use to him.

So, I spend my time here, closed in my room, alone and sad: I feel sick, I feel fake with myself and others, but especially I feel hysteric because I really miss sex.

This thought, today, somehow shakes me up.

Yes, dammit, I miss fucking.

So, from as still and motionless as I am and always remain, I turn my head towards my desk and then I rush there to consult the calendar that I keep on it to remind me of all the useless things I have to do and never make a mistake in this job of mine.

My index finger slides along the dates and notes until it stops on today's day.

Uhm, so it is as I thought, bingo! I scream, talking to myself and jumping on the spot when I read the notes for today: 6 p.m., Nicholas.

At that point, driven by madness, and an act of rebellion – or simply by my own stupidity – I leave my room to go to Jace’s room. It is seven a.m. and I know I will find him there... with Andrew.

A vice grips my stomach but all in all I'm used to it, so it doesn't stop me, and I proceed on the white, polished marble floors until I reach my destination.

The mansion is silent, immersed in the peace that every home has on a Sunday morning, except that today in the midst of this luxury, and with the warmth of spring in the city of angels, I almost feel cold.

It is an inside cold, a cold that seeps into your bones.

I lift my arm and knock firmly on Jace's door, making sure to wake them both up, despite the hour.

I know he's going to be pissed off, but I don't care, in the end he's done very little to me in these thirteen months together and I can bear one of his outbursts for the greater good.

I wait for a few then, taken by a new rebellion, I lower the handle and push the door, even if I know that going in there without permission is forbidden to me.

I open the door holding my breath and a second later the immense McLawrence’s bedroom opens in front of me.

And not only that, because he, half naked and with a sleepy face, is standing next to the bed, with his chest in full view and boxer briefs constricting his package and he’s looking at me with the expression of someone who has just seen a ghost.

A ghost that is where it shouldn’t be. And that has just woke him up.

I stand still and breathless, forgetting the reason why I am in that room, and stare at him from head to toe without missing a single inch of his perfect skin that I think I only saw naked on screen. Despite living here. Despite being his official girlfriend.

It all fits so tightly....

When the bubble of that absurd and muffled moment bursts, Jace turns abruptly to the bed where his sleeping beauty is still resting, him also half-naked, and looks at him, afraid that he might be disturbed my incursion.

Then he gets close to me, with a grim face and the expression of someone who will eat me in one bite.

I