Whim, Woe and Wonder: Tales for the Ever-Present Child

By Craig Kandell

Have you ever wondered what happens to your socks when they disappear in the dryer, why some paths one takes in life are difficultly reversible, if short can be sweet, why simplicity is virtuous, why it’s OK to let your actions speak for themselves, why so many obstacles must be overcome before absconding for a weekend, if it’s OK to be different, why humility has its hmmph, why one must often do for themselves in order to do something right, or why it’s OK to say “No” in order to remain focused on what’s important? These and other very important questions, conundrums and quandaries are delved in Whim, Woe And Wonder (Tales For The Ever – Present Child).

Radar says: “Read this Book! Great Entertainment for the Whole Family! [And the Monsters Under Your Bed, Too!] Wonderful story poem and prose tales for our trying times!”

These tales will enchant Adults, Young Adults, Tweens and even Precocious Children alike! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nMBvb7PMPA

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 10, 2010
• ISBN: 9781453540626

Book preview

Copyright © 2010 by Craig Kandell.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2010910639

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4535-4061-9

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4535-4060-2

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4535-4062-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

20366

Contents

Introduction

Acknowledgment

!Excerpts!

Mommy’s Kitchen

Intermission!

The Window

And The Door

The Cello

And The Note

The Dryer

And The Sock!

The Buzzing

Of The Wanna-Bee

Intermission!

Menus, Menus Everywhere!!

The Legend

Of Squeegee Follow

The Bubble

And The Wand

The Doughnut

And The Hole

The S’more,

The Merrier!

The Roach That Ate

New Yawk

Me In A Tree

Dedication: For Mom, who encouraged me to reach for the stars, for Dad who had the wisdom to let me find my own way and for Radar, my best friend, whose gentle soul decided to come back as a Black Labrador Retriever and find me on a near post 9/11 wintry day.

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Radar says: Read this Book! Great Entertainment, for the Whole Family! [And the Monsters Under Your Bed, Too!] Endearing! Adorable! Clever! Very Clever! Brilliant! Darling! Enchanting! Wonderful story poem and prose tales for our trying times!

KandellPicture2GSTIFF.jpg

The Author / Illustrator standing in New York Harbor and with his pal, Radar.

Picture Credits: Paul Baker (above), Morris Finkelstein (below).

Introduction

Dear Reader,

Have you ever wondered what happens to your socks when they disappear in the dryer, why some paths one takes in life are difficultly reversible, if short can be sweet, why simplicity is virtuous, why it’s OK to let your actions speak for themselves, why so many obstacles must be overcome before absconding for a weekend, if it’s OK to be different, why humility has its hmmph, why one must often do for themselves in order to do something right, or why it’s OK to say No in order to remain focused on what’s important? These and other very important, questions, conundrums and quandaries are delved in Whim, Woe And Wonder (Tales For The Ever – Present Child). You have before you endearing, precious, good, clean, fun and clever reading for our trying times: A must read! I present these story poems, light-verse rhymes, prose stories, parables, free verse fables and allegories to you with much pride and hope that you willingly suspend your disbelief and enjoy the tales.

Sincerely yours,

Craig Kandell,

New York, NY,

2010

Acknowledgment

With many thanks to the proofreaders of this manuscript, who aided in the Editorial process (in light of my focus and tunnel vision on the project) including Doug, Stacy, Stephanie, Robert, Vonnie, Zolita and Dave, and to Lawrence and David upon whose borrowed (and not quite obsolete) computers the project was partially redacted.

 !Excerpts!

(Coming Attractions . . .

Scenes From The Dryer And The Sock)

So, the Feds surrounded the whole building

Demanding that the Bad-Guys

Come-Out and Come-Clean

The megaphones were set up by

The Duster-Frocked G-Man Negotiating Team

"Come out with your heel up!

Come out through the brass ensconced front door!

Come out, Sock, you’re all washed up,

If not, the worst’s, for you, in store"

But the Half Pair Socken Leader

Tittered, and he sneered

And continued onward Leading

All his wayward, Half Pair—Socken peers

"You’ll never get me, Coppers

You’ll never take me in,

You’ll never see me locked up

Try and get me, I dare you! If you can,

(But, I assure you that I’ll win)"

Mommy’s Kitchen

KandellPicture3GSTIFF.jpg

My mommy is a monster

A meanie and a spook

A witch who is a chef, of sorts

She bakes, she steams, she cooks

The kitchen’s cluttered up with trinkets,

Like pots and books and pans

For cooking supper up at night

Newt’s eyes or, at times, man’s

My Dad is worse, an Ogre!

With warts and brooms and chants

They cook up ghoulish dishes

Of marinated ants

The brew is thick and yummy

With bats and worms and snakes

Egg creams made with ketchup,

Or, if we’re lucky, steak!

When newts are out of season,

Frog’s legs will do just fine

They’re green and wet and slimy

While simmering in brine

Waffles made with caviar

Ice cream with escargot

Truffles stuffed with whipped cream

Quail with marshmallow

A cauldron’s stacked up to the rim with pancakes

They’re topped with mustard and some sprinkles

While we watch TV programs

Starring ‘Tasha and Moose-Winkle

A butcher block that’s really thick

And movable, on wheels

Is used to slice up puppy whiskers

For dressing salads made with baby seals

Cabinets crawl to vaulted ceilings

They’re tall and thin and sheer

Floors of checkered tile

Meet brick walls, not cheap veneer

Fourteen foot high ceilings!

Sconces force reflected light

Above a fancy ice box,

Way up and out of sight

A stove that is quite stainless

Emits many BTU’s

So Mom may cook up curried, hurried dishes

For all the Monsters that I dreamed up

And I drew

Intermission!

KandellPicture4GSTIFF.jpg

Whoa! Please wait!

Just a New-Yawk-Minute,

For Mommy’s really not a Sorceress

And Dad is not so bad

In fact they really love me

Although I drive them Mad

Please tell the Social Worker

Not to call the Cops

T’is I who tie their stomachs up

In mangled, twisted, knots

I cause them both to shake and fit

And fester in frustration

But, the guilty one’s my buddy,

He’s my imagination

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The Window

And The Door

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Sit down my friend and hear the lore

Of the Window and the Door

It all began one dreary day

And please, dear friend, I dare to say

What started as a little blunder

Mushroomed with a lot of thunder

From a tiny, testy, tumble

Into a full scale, bloody, rumble

Between a French Beveled Glass Door

And a Window from the Store

A lad moved into a Co-Op home

And proceeded to clean with cloth and foam

Years of neglect were before his eyes

But deep inside was no surprise

For what was once a tenant’s space

Was now his private, personal place

The mortgage left his wallet lean

And spurred him on to really clean

He’d take pride in his pre-War house

And so, got rid of every louse

The walls, they were the first to shine

For, he knew: This place is Mine!

The kitchen was the next to gleam

Sink, dishwasher and cupboard,

He sparkled clean

The Roaches bowed their heads with gloom

They thought: "My Gosh!

This Must Be Doom!"

And so the place began to bloom

With flowers and sheen and

The sweep of the broom

The floors, they were the next to scrub

With years of grime he’d have to rub

Lad used a lot of elbow grease

For, this apartment, he’d not lease!

A fixer-upper-pad is all he could afford

And so he’d use the broom, the pail and the sword

He approached the job with glee and pride

And joy which beamed out

From deep inside

But the next task was big and bad

It made him very sad and made him real mad

For a pretty, French, Beveled Glass Door

Was a dirty, festering, ugly eye sore

The previous tenants,

They lacked class and lacked taste

They let the wood grain rot, let it all go to waste

Twenty coats of whitewash paint

Made its lovely sparkle numb, distant and faint

He scrubbed the wood with lots of zeal

And so the paint began to peel

The flakes of white began to fall

With cleaner bought fresh from the mall

And then the strangest thing occurred

A whisper from the Door was heard

By the Lad who cleaned with zest

To make the Door look its spankin’ best

The Door began to moan and squeak

And began to talk and speak!

It thanked the Lad for what he’d done

And blessed the freedom that was won

Door proclaimed: "For many years I had no air

I lived my life in deep despair

I thought there’d never be a time

When I’d see the Sun’s rays shine

But thanks to you I now can breathe

And to you, a friendship, I bequeath

From this moment, from this day on

We’ll be pals to call upon

In each other’s time of need

Ne’er will there be a sign of greed

Between us in our special bond

’Cause, in our friendship, we’re both fond

Since you cleaned my glass and wood

Let it now be understood

We pledge an oath of deep, dear trust

Not a thing could make our friendship bust"

And so they did what good friends do

They watched T.V. and movies too

They read each other’s favorite book

And helped each other clean and cook

They got along so great, so well

They were friends and pals, so tight, so swell

But one day at the Co-Op Board meeting

Someone proposed a thought most fleeting

The building’s grand facade looked grim

!Egads!

Its windows had no aluminum trim!

The resultant vote was close and caused much fuss

As opposing sides did fret and cuss

Finally, t’was reached: A compromise!

The Board agreed!, to all’s surprise

"The windows, all, we will replace

The building will have