Carving Wood Searching for Shendra Lieghton Book One

By Ken Lehnig

Book One- Shendra Leighton would best be described as a profoundly unhappy young woman. With the accidental death of both her parents and in the midst of suffering deep depression and grief, a letter arrives from a lawyer in Texas. Upon reading the documents, she discovers that she had a brother, of whom she was unaware. The fact that he had died and bequeathed to her a fortune, a large house, a rare wood supply business, and an entire town in` the pine woods of East Texas was inexplicable. It was necessary to fly to the town to handle the legal matters associated with her newfound estate and discover her familial relationship with this man who claimed to be her brother. The town was something from a Twilight Zone episode, full of odd characters and mystery. She finds in the beautiful, carved wood adorned house a strange journal of an apprentice of a master woodcarver who appeared to live with her brother. The entries are zen-like and deeply affecting to her, revealing hidden and forgotten memories. Shendra discovers that what she thought was her life was a lie. The real reason her brother bought and financed the town is revealed and the truth as to who Shendra and the inhabitants of the town really are becomes dangerously and violently apparent.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ken Lehnig
• Release date: Jan 10, 2021
• ISBN: 9780463948255

Ken Lehnig

Ken Lehnig lives in San Diego and is a long-time singer/songwriter, producer musician, poet, author and podcast host for Creatives with Ken Lehnig on Spotify, Breaker, and Goggle Podcasts. Ken's music is on Spotify and most music sites."I have always been interested in the dark at the edge of the light. The reality of the light and dark reality is both in the lit physical world as well as the more dimly lit world of our psyche's. What inhabits that place? What do we do when all that we know is not enough to explain what appears before us?I suppose the relationship between the dark and the light was solidified when I acquired a life-threatening auto-immune disease that introduced me to unbearable pain and put me in a wheelchair for 4 years. Most of the short stories and poems in my books were written during that time. I have looked long and well into the dark, clear that it was to me my destination and have recovered and remain to be a Creative."

Book preview

Carving Wood

Book One

Searching for Shendra Lieghton

by

Ken Lehnig

SMASHWORDS EDITION

* * * * *

PUBLISHED BY:

Deep Dry Dark Publishing

Cover and Illustrations by Ken Lehnig

Copyright © 2020 by Ken Lehnig

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

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Table of Contents:

1.Shendra

2.Another Day

3.Friday

4.Saturday

5.Texas

6.Peter’s House

7.Being Rich

8.Sunday

9.Cynthia’s Job

10.Looking Up

11.1Unexpected

12.Just the Facts

13.The Chief

14.Rosie

15.Monday

16.Tuesday

17.Discovery

18.Halls Unknown

19.Wednesday

20.Within the Grain

21.2The Die is Cast

22.Human Potential

23.2Rosie’s Place

24.The Conversation

25.Thursday

26.2Making the Day

27.The Chamber

28.Shopping Works

29.Her Way

30.Hold Back the Monster

31.Second Friday

32.Jeanie

33.Police Work

34.Plans

35.A Murmuring

36.Benny

37.Trouble at Work

38.The Darkness Awakens

Carving Wood

Shendra

Shendra, what will it take to make you happy? Dr. Marta Espinoza asked in a soft voice.

Shendra shrugged her shoulders and looked at her nails.

We have had five sessions and you have hardly said a word. For this process to work we have to have a dialogue. You came to me with an issue – you are unhappy, and you feel as if it is becoming…how did you say it? Pathological. Since then, you have lost your parents. So now we include grief in your not being happy. How many more reasons are you going to add to your life that could make you even less happy?

What an irresponsible thing to say, Shendra whispered. There was no hiding the threat.

Good. Why do you think the question was irresponsible?

For one thing you’re suggesting my being unhappy is my doing…I didn’t kill my parents. Past the ridiculous, new-age bullshit that I create my world, my state is pathological. I’m frozen, stuck, unable to function, and terrorized by anxiety attacks. You are supposed to be helping me. What happened to do no harm? My dad was right. You should never go to a shrink. All they do, he said, was mix up your thinking, dig up old wounds and give their own made-up interpretations, all out of context…and give permission to their inflated egos by willingly pay usurious fees for dubious benefit. She didn’t know what she expected from these sessions. But now she was engaged, and she was never one to back down. She thought it funny how a little confrontation could get her juices flowing. Maybe now this whole thing could start to make some sense. So, she would stay the course.

How have I harmed you? You came in choosing to be unhappy, and your parents did just die. It would be a reasonable assumption that you are unhappy about that. Are you?

Of course, I’m unhappy about my folks dying. What kind of person do you think I am? She really began to hate the woman.

Your father had gone to therapy at some point?

"I don’t know if he ever did. Or it was just one of a thousand stupid rules for life he would preach. Over and over, like I didn’t hear it the first time

In your way of thinking were some of his rules odd or ….?

Crazy? Hell yes, most of them. Don’t get me wrong I loved my Dad, but he was different. He was a hippy when he was young. Mom said it was the LSD. She grimaced. That and peyote, mushrooms, Datura, booze. coke and weed, she added to the unfounded accusation silently. Aloud she said, He used to carve wood in the garage when he wasn’t working. He said it centered him. When he carved away the outside part, he told me that it revealed the secret of that piece of wood... the wood chooses the carver. He said he could read the future in what he carved. Shendra swept back her hair over her right ear. Just another crazy-shit thing my Dad told me to always remember. I guess I didn’t.

Do you think he could, or was he just teasing you?

I don’t know. It seemed like he knew things, trends. He called it a gift. We never lacked for money, but we lived as if we were poor. He called it being aware of opportunities; Mom called it scamming. My Dad used to tell me to sit outside the thing you’re watching that way you see better than those who are inside. I’m not sure what that meant. She didn’t.

Was your Mom a hippy?

I suppose so. Shendra stopped and looked around the room, thinking of her mother standing outside the bathroom door, screaming at her to stop what she was doing, or she would go to hell.

You’re safe here.

Shendra looked at the therapist with a red face, wondering why she said that. Wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead, she shifted in her seat and lifted wet eyes. She would have made a bad one; there was no peace and love in her. She was strict and a prude. And yet still kind of a slut. I have heard stories about the meanness of the Sisters of St. Joseph. My mother would have been elected…. Did they elect their Mother Superiors? That wasn’t nice was it? Nuns wouldn’t be sluts. She apologized to her mother silently and said a prayer. I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead or the brides of Jesus. The dark receded.

Two minutes passed with nothing else said.

The therapist broke the silence. What we do here is create a narrative. People think that there is a truth, but that is not exactly correct. The truth in this line of work is always subjective. There is what occurred and then there is what we thought of what had occurred. Sometimes those memories are accurate sometimes quite different from what actually happened. We humans are not attached to the truth as much as we are to the story about the truth, to the point that the truth becomes less important than the story, and that becomes a narrative that colors our lives and decides are actions.

Shendra shifted in her seat and made a disapproving click with her tongue. Of course, there is a truth. That’s what’s wrong with the world. Everything is subjective. Truth is perception, moral equivalency and eating kale. The world will soon go to hell in a handbasket full of organic fruits and vegetables... and nuts.

I hate Kale. It should only be used for decoration at a salad bar. Give me a peperone, garlic, thick crust pizza anytime. Oh, and I love a good steak.

Shendra felt the laugh start in her stomach and rise until it was a huge guffaw that exploded, waning into a giggle. Me too! Maybe she did like the woman just a little.

Shendra what would make you happy?

French fries, chocolate malt, and a rare T-bone steak. Shendra sat with her legs tucked under her in an overstuffed chair. She liked the way it made her feel small. She did however find the paisley print upsetting. In fact, the whole office was disagreeable, from its fake Fichus in the corner, to all the African and Indian import store accessories. Her walnut desk was ostentatious. The red leather chair the good Doctor sat in made Shendra think that she should be smoking a cigar and drinking cognac out of a snifter. Maybe if she did, she would give her some real advice instead of all these damn questions. She especially hated the gold and ebony frames around all the good Doctor’s Diplomas.

Only in LA would goofball-eclectic be considered décor. She thought.

She lifted her eyes and stared at the smartly dressed middle aged women. Dr. Marta Espinoza had let her hair go gray and Shendra decided that when she goes gray, she would not dye it. She also liked her makeup, especially around the eyes. When she got home, she would try to get that same look.

Shendra? What would make you happy?

I don’t know.

If you don’t know, who do I ask?

Please! I did the human potential seminar thing.

The therapist’s countenance did not change. Did you complete it?

It was … Bullshit. Shendra blushed at saying the word and put her hand to her mouth. The darkness started to creep into her brain and she flinched.

How did it feel saying ‘bullshit’?

Shendra pulled her legs out and sat up. She looked down at her carefully placed shoes, satisfied they were still there. Sitting back, she crossed her legs, situated her tight black wool skirt, noticing the hem had frayed. She sighed loudly patting at the fray as if trying to dismiss it. She stared down at the too-green rug. Stupid! I always think I’ll feel better if I swear, but I never do.

Swearing seems or should seem like power.

Yes, it should. If someone messes with you swearing tells them you are dangerous and to back off.

She didn’t really believe what she said. When people swear, they show a loss of control. If you lose control then the dark has you and you might just fade away. My mother said that women should never swear. One of her rules…my mother would always talk about portals…vortices…twisters. She would go on and on …like I would know what the hell she was talking about.

Are you dangerous?

Shendra looked up, and tears welled and spilled down her cheek. She suddenly stood up and paced wiping her eyes.

And she would paint them and hang them all over the house. My Dad would take them down…what he did with them I don’t know…No, I’m not dangerous – my mother was dangerous. That is why I’m here isn’t it? I just lost my Mom and Dad and I fell completely out of control. Why is this so fucking hard? She turned and pointed to the Therapist, raising her voice. That time it felt good! I’m sure you have dealt with a lot of people with grief issues. Can’t you just give me a pill or something?

The Therapist let silence rule for a full minute while Shendra clenched her jaw with her clenched fists on her hips.

You said ‘fell’ instead of ‘feel’. Why do you suppose you did that?

What? Why am I paying you 200 bucks a session – so you can repeat things I say back to me? It was just a slip of the tongue. Oh right! A Freudian slip? Shendra shook her head and sat back down, tucking her feet under her. I’m going to a new nail salon. They do particularly good work. She fanned out her right hand in front of her.

Is it run by Asian women? Do they talk about you in their language so you don’t know what they’re saying?

Shendra felt the dark thicken in her mind. I’m sure of it. My God I can’t wear a skirt above my knees or have any cleavage showing without them chattering about it. Who are they to judge me?

Shendra, do you like yourself?

‘What kind of question is that?"

A simple question. Do you like yourself?

I don’t know how to answer that. I guess I do, but that would be a … Shendra rubbed her face and buttoned the top on her plain grey blouse.

A sin?

Shendra laughed, then covered her mouth. My mother thought it was. There was a lot of weird things my mother believed. I’m not religious so the sin thing – I don’t know.

Your mother was a Christian?

I guess. We were Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist, Pentecostals, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhists, Taoists, Zoroastrians, Wiccan and Unitarian. I would do my homework every night then when it was done, it was two hours of comparative religious studies. I think she did it to keep me away from boys. Now I’m an educated and frustrated agnostic.

Shendra aren’t you engaged?

Shendra shrugged her shoulders. Not yet. He should ask any day now. And before you ask; Todd is wonderful and any girl would be proud to be his wife.

Does that matter to you?

Shendra at quietly with her eyes closed.

Shendra does that matter to you?

Shendra’s jaw clenched and her eyes opened. Actually, not one single bit. I made him what I thought I wanted.

The therapist sat still with a slightly creased brow. Shendra do you like yourself?

I’m not very likable you know. People don’t like me; I suppose I’m too honest and straightforward. People don’t like that in a person, you know. Anyway, it’s okay because I don’t like people very much right back. Tears began to flow down her cheeks. She started sobbing. I don’t mean to be such a bitch but I’m so scared all the time. I’m so frightened of everything and one day I believe I’ll just fade away. Nobody will care. I’ll just be an obit in the paper that no one reads. Vanity all just vanity. Like dust in the wind. She stopped talking and started quietly humming the Kansas song for what felt like an eternity.

Shendra sat still with her eyes closed. She stopped humming, hearing very faint music. She thought that it sounded like that new age stuff. She could almost smell the incense, reminding her of her mother. It sounded as if it must be coming from another loonier therapist in the complex, feeling for a moment that she made the right choice in the therapist she chose. Looking at her watch, desperate for a way to escape the conversation, as it was the hour was almost up. Standing suddenly, she slipped on her shoes and turned to her Therapist and said, The dark is always so close. I have to be strong – don’t you see. I have to be strong.

Another Day

Shendra took the rest of the morning to shower, dress, and fix herself up to be as pretty and alluring as she was able. When she finished, she thought she looked as good as she had ever looked. Her Todd was coming over and she thought she knew why. He was going to ask today.

It felt strange to suspend her grief for the possibility of a little happiness coming into her life.

She heard his horn, another thing she would need to work on in her ‘improve Todd program’. She was not a teenage twit to be summoned that way. Mentally shaking off the temporary upset, she put on a smile and went outside to greet him.

Todd got out of the car and stood smiling, Sweetheart you look absolutely fabulous. The man was handsome, tall, tanned, and impeccably dressed and had a perfect set of too-white teeth. Shendra thought to herself that she had done a great job on this guy.

Shendra curtsied and laughed, You are a lucky dog to have me on your arm today. Everyone will think I am your trophy wife.

Todd face suddenly changed to a serious stare. Shendra did not like it. He walked around his new Beemer, the one Shendra picked out for him, stepped in front of Shendra and took her hands,

Shendra felt as if she should run away as fast as she could. She thought to herself, Why am I so frightened. She knew what this was and it wasn’t her intention to use the trophy wife line as a lead in.

Sweetheart? You know I love you with all my heart and this might not be the best time to ask you this, with your parents and all, but I can’t hold it in another minute, Todd started to take a knee and Shendra suddenly, using both hands grasped him under his arms and clumsily pulled him up, nearly falling over, yelling, No, No, No

Todd got to his feet and looked into her tear-filled eyes. What the hell? What do you mean no? I haven’t even asked you yet.

Shendra said nothing while staring into his eyes.

"Turning around in frustration, he rubbed his head, messing up his perfectly spiked hair. He turned around and pulled a ring case out of his pocket. Opening it and revealing a diamond engagement ring with a huge rock worthy of a trophy wife.

Shendra? Will you marry me?

Shendra did not move. She did not look at the ring but kept her big brown eyes fixed on his. Long terrible moments passed and still Shendra did not answer. Finally, Todd snapped the ring case closed, got in his car and drove off in a squeal of tires.

Shendra watched him leave without a thought in her mind. It was as if she had been in a trance. She shook her head and straightened out her dress.

Well, that did not go at all well.

She walked back into the house looking down at her dress and said aloud, ‘It’s too bad I blew it ‘cause I look hot."

She opened the front door and entered the foyer. In a frame hanging on the wall above the guest card table was an embroidered potholder, on it were the words, ‘Life Is Disappointment’. Her father had hung it there as a joke. He would always rub it as he walked out the door saying, If you let it. He was never disappointed.

But she always had that thought; ‘life is disappointment’ is not a joke to her. She wore it, putting it on her face every morning as if it were makeup. She knew that good things can happen, but that was for other people. Shendra Leighton is the perpetual witness to the good events happening to others, she is the envious one, hiding in the shadows convinced her lot in life is to be miserable.

Things did happen to her, things that were more often terrible, always unexpected and assuredly unwanted. Her whole life is about her mastery of inappropriate reaction, making the difficult more difficult and feeling absolutely right in her position. But right now, she didn’t feel right; she didn’t feel much at all. She however did feel as if she might cry, not at that moment, but as soon as a triggering thought entered her head she could cry and never be able to stop.

There was something dark in the back of her mind that said, ‘the way it turned out was the way it should have turned out’. She was convinced that the dark cloud over her was permanent, not that there wasn’t irony in the way she thought. She believed her greatest skill was to turn bad situations, where she was the victim, and turn it, through sheer will, against the perpetuator. The very act of getting even gave her great joy. She knew that finding happiness in the misery of others wasn’t a great quality and she only did it to those who threatened her, a kind of rule, not hard and fast, but flexible and situation dependent. What had just happened was different. Todd was not her enemy; he was her lover and as close as she could have to a best friend. It wasn’t action, but inaction that had created that situation.

Going outside again she sat on the porch of her parent’s house on a sunny, smog-less and beautiful day in Encino, wondering what was next. Her parents were dead, the funeral and sympathy giving was now done. The love of her life, the best man in the entire world, had left her standing, like a deer in the headlights, just twenty minutes ago. She had watched