Silence the Birchwoods: The Northwoods Trilogy, #3

By Auria Jourdain

It's been five years since Penny Ramsay saw her brother's best friend—and it wasn't long enough. Their families hate each other. And after his girlfriend bullied her in high school, leading to the most traumatic incident of her life, she's hoped he'd taken the hint to stay away—forever. Unfortunately, her luck sucks. Special Agent Luke Donovan—A.K.A. Rochester Hills' Golden Boy—is on his way to the Upper Peninsula  to help the Marquette PD solve a murder.

 

Sorority girls are being targeted at Northern Michigan University—and a girl will die every thirty days unless they catch the madman responsible. As the Psychological Liaison for the Marquette PD, Penny needs to get into the perp's head to prevent the next killing. What she didn't want was Luke blasting into her life and destroying her carefully erected walls. After the heartache he'd put her through, he's her sworn enemy… and he's never getting back in.

 

Luke isn't sure why Penny hates him, but enough is enough. He's spent his whole life playing protector to his best friend, Colton Ramsay's baby sister. He'd stuck up for her, even to his psycho ex. But said sister grew up. She's no longer that chubby little girl who looked at him with hearts in her eyes. She's a gorgeous woman with a PhD in Psychology and a grudge a mile wide. When Colt recommends Luke--and the FBI--to take charge of Penny's case, it's the perfect opportunity to clear the air and reignite the intense chemistry that's been simmering under the surface for years.

 

Putting their past aside isn't easy as they try to thwart the killer's twisted game. But as details of the case unfold, Penny finds it difficult to separate the ghosts of the past from the present. How can she trust the only man that had broken her heart to be her savior once more?

 

*Please be aware this novel has graphic descriptions of sexual trauma and abuse that might trigger some readers. Sexual situations and cursing are also present in this book--Intended for ages 18 and older. If you aren't comfortable with steamy scenes or graphic descriptions of crime scenes, this isn't the book for you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Auria Jourdain
• Release date: Sep 28, 2021
• ISBN: 9781393503736

Auria Jourdain

History buff, Francophile, and hopeless romantic-- the perfect mixture for writing romance! I have fond childhood memories of reading on quiet afternoons. I loved the "happily ever after" sweet teen romances, but I quickly plunged into the world of historical romance--my get-away-from-real-life transporter. Add in a degree in Political Studies with six years of French--twenty years later, I found a new career. With three published works, I'm still trying to decide which sub-genre is my favorite. I started with historical romances, and two of the six, Pure of Heart and Pure Temptation, are now published. My first YA novel, Spirit of the Northwoods, was released in April of 2016 for my 17 year old autistic son during Autism Awareness month, hoping to spread familiarity about the daily struggles that an autistic person endures. Silence the Northwoods, the first book of my Romantic Suspense trilogy, will be released on January 21, 2017. A spin-off of Spirit of the Northwoods, it has many of the same secondary characters, but it’s strictly for adults. I have a New Adult novel I’m working on for NaNaWriMo 2016, and I’d love to try my hand at a sweet romance YA series in the future. I live in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan with my husband of 21 years and my four children. I spend the long winters plotting and scheming my next book, and in the mild summers, my family and I spend every waking moment we can hiking and kayaking the Northwoods. Living fifteen miles from the shores of Lake Superior, my muse is often piqued by the awe-inspiring beauty that surrounds me. I live where I play, and I can't imagine a more fitting place for me!

Book preview

Dedication & Acknowledgements

TO THE BRAVE SOULS who have suffered any sort of abuse—sexual, emotional, or physical. You have endured a lifetime of pain, and your strength knows no bounds.

Many thanks to my son, Ian Hughes, for helping me with the computer technology jargon. He’s majoring in Computer Science and Cyber Security at Michigan Technological University and made navigating such complicated subject matter a lot easier.

Once again, my CP and mentor, Dixie Lee Brown, is my absolute hero. You’ve done so much for me, guiding me through the last nine novels with unfailing support and constructive guidance. It’s everything a writer needs to succeed. Thank you, my friend, from the bottom of my heart.

Copyright and Disclaimer

Copyright 2021 Auria Jourdain Books Edition 1.

THIS EBOOK IS LICENSED for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite eBook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This book is a work of fiction. Any similarities to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The events and all sororities/fraternities are also fabricated. Literary license was taken with certain places to fit the story. Any product names are assumed to be the property of their respective owners and are used only for reference.

CAUTION: This book contains graphic adult scenes, adult language, and descriptions of past sexual abuse that may trigger negative reactions. Suitable only for adult audiences.

Cover art and photography by Earth & Sky Designs. All model images legally obtained from stock photo companies.

~This book is also in print at online retailers~

Prologue

THE PAST...

Sixteen years ago

Rochester Hills, Michigan

"Dear Lord, we honor this man, a hero, a guardian of life who sacrificed his own to keep us safe. An exemplary officer, Robert Ramsay was an even better father and friend. Our community will forever mourn the loss of his courage, strength, and protection for years to come..."

Sleet pelted Penny Ramsay in the face as she stood with her brother and mother at the graveyard nearest their suburban home. She stared at the bare birch trees surrounding them, unable to look at her father’s casket. Soon, he’d be lowered into the frozen ground—his forever home.

She wiped the cold precipitation from her face, her heart as numb as it was the day Captain Donavan had delivered the news that her daddy had been shot. The tears wouldn’t come. Was this real? She’d pinched herself many times, but she felt nothing. It was just a fantasy... an awful nightmare from which she couldn’t wake.

Right?

Men. To arms! Seven riflemen took up their weapons, barrels soaring toward the sky in unison. Men and women in blue snapped a strong salute as gunshot pierced the air. Bagpipes whined in tribute. As her daddy’s fellow officers lowered the casket into the prepared plot, Penny dug her fingernails into her palms.

Still, nothing.

On her right, her big brother Colton gripped her shoulder, his body trembling with silent sobs.

What is wrong with me? Colt is a teenager, and he’s crying.

Colton was her hero. He took her to school and made sure she finished her homework. He made her lunch every morning. He made sure she went to bed at a decent time. But at night, he locked himself in his room and broke down watching daddy’s old videos of swim meets and baseball games. Every time Daddy cheered, Colt cried harder.

On her other side, her mother stared at her husband’s grave in a daze, gripping the flag that had been presented to her at the church. Miranda Ramsay was the only other person that hadn’t shed a tear. Not that she could. She could hardly walk after draining every bottle of wine they had in the house. Penny rubbed the bruises on the back of her arm and winced. It wasn’t good when Mama drank.

She liked to hit. And call names.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want..."

As Captain Donovan recited the comforting psalm, the crowd joined in. Penny snuggled against her brother’s side. Pushing her away, he fell to his knees. Mrs. Donavan, one of their teachers and their neighbor, took him in her arms as he wept.

Shivering against the bone-chilling cold, Penny inhaled deeply, loneliness and guilt piercing her heart. Would her daddy know she couldn’t cry?

Suddenly, a hand grabbed hers. She turned to the stranger and frowned. Gazing into deep blue eyes the color of Lake Superior, she released her breath.

It was Luke, Colton’s friend from school... her knight in shining armor. He was nice to her. He played with her. He gave her piggyback rides and protected her. He’d fixed her dress the day her father died, and he’d yelled at her bullies.

Squeezing her fingers, he fell to one knee. His eyes were moist, too. He brushed a hand through his dark curls, the cocoa color as rich as a Hershey bar. Did he use chocolate shampoo? She cocked her head, wishing she could smell it.

Gathering her in his arms, Luke sniffled against her neck, his warmth enveloping her like a protective cocoon. It’s okay, Sunshine. I’ve got you.

Tingles crept across her skin, and all of a sudden, the floodgates opened. Burying her face in his coat, she released a sob. Luke held her tighter. She wrapped her arms around him and wept.

For her daddy. And her brother. Maybe even her mother.

She snuggled against Luke’s shoulder. In his arms, she felt safe. He drove away the pain. Right now, she didn’t care that her mother cursed Luke’s father daily. Or that he was Colton’s best friend. Or that he was thirteen. Or that she was only ten.

One day, she swore she’d marry Luke Donovan.

THE PRESENT

Presque Isle Park Marquette, Michigan

Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.

It’s time to begin... isn’t it? I get a little bit bigger, but then I’ll admit I’m just the same as I was...

Melissa Anders raked her fingers through her sweat-filled ponytail as Imagine Dragons filtered through her earbuds. Heaving in a breath, she climbed the hill and veered toward the Birchwoods trail in Presque Isle Park.

Darting past the entrance to the lighthouse, she grunted through the cramp in her side. Damn, I’m out of shape. What did she expect? After spending all summer in the Lower Peninsula eating a hella lot of carbs and fighting with her new step-monster about leeching off her dad, she was surprised she hadn’t collapsed yet.

Whatever. One more year and I won’t have to worry about parentals anymore.

Springing off her toes, she pushed her problems deep inside and ran faster. After a craptastic day, the last thing she’d needed was her dad calling to bitch her out for using his Visa to buy the rush week party supplies. It wasn’t like she abused her father’s generosity. He had given permission for Alpha Gamma Delta to use his credit card for anything they needed.

But the five-hundred-dollar charge from the local liquor store for three kegs and a shit-ton of tequila, rum, and vodka had set him off. Now she had to suck up to him and get back in his good graces before he yanked her out of school.

Fricking Lauren Vanderholt. If she ruins this for me, she’ll regret it.

Inhaling the earthy smell of autumn kicking up with the wind, she controlled her breath and worked her muscles harder. Shadows fell across the forest, twilight hastening with every step. She glanced at her fitness watch. It was nearly eight o’clock. She usually didn’t run this late, especially after that girl from Lambda Xi was killed last year. But she’d needed to get out of the sorority house and clear her head before her date picked her up at nine.

Excitement sparked through her like wildfire. She couldn’t wait to see him. The man was her escape from the world of chaos that had entangled her life. Soon, they wouldn’t be able to hide their relationship. She’d made sure of that.

Melissa pressed her lips together as she picked up her pace. Between the over-the-top keggers and her secret affair, she was skating on thin ice. If daddy dearest knew she’d found salvation in an older man’s arms, she could kiss her free college ride goodbye. She had to tone down the crazy and get through school without any further drama or she’d lose everything she’d worked for.

One more year.

Warm air swooshed against the back of her legs as the ground vibrated beneath her feet. Pulling her speaker pods from her ears, she frowned. Emerging from the darkness, an older-model sedan rumbled toward her.

Why the hell are his lights off?

Chills prickled along her neck. Scanning the thick copse of birch trees lining the path, she stepped off the shoulder onto the springy humus, grabbed the bottle of water from the kangaroo pocket of her sweatshirt, and popped the cap. Sinking onto a pile of leaves, she waited for the vehicle to pass.

As it slowly approached, she fidgeted with her phone, trying her damndest not to look up.

Until the car stopped in front of her.

Fear clawed through her stomach as she planted her hands against the ground. And waited. As the dark window slowly slid down, a plain-looking man no more than thirty or so, wearing a white fedora and a pair of sunglasses, arched his eyebrows.

Flipping the lenses up, he winked. Melissa? Thought it was you. That last kegger was a bitch, hey?

Heya! She scrambled to her feet, the tension in her shoulders easing. She couldn’t remember the guy’s name, but he was a familiar face at the weekly frat parties. Jeez, she needed to stop drinking so much. She stepped up to his car and flipped her ponytail out of her face with a laugh. Yep. Always a good time. Your lights are off, did you know that?

He glanced at his dashboard and smirked. Huh. I hear you’re the Panhellenic liaison this year. That’s what my cousin told me. Gratz. He squinted at her. You don’t remember me, do you?

She braced her hip against the mirror and giggled. He was a bit of a geek, but he seemed harmless enough. For an older guy, he was kind of cute. Sure, I do. Lambda Chi... the end of year bash. Isn’t your cousin the president this year?

Adjusting his hat, he snorted. Nah. Bear’s got too much on his plate. He’s doing a double major in economics and business. His fiancé isn’t happy about the frat stuff interfering with their life, either.

Melissa hummed. I get it. It’s tough keeping up with council meetings and my classes. But I love it. I feel like I’m a part of something, ya know?

He tapped a finger against his lip, finally snapping his fingers. Theater major, right?

Wow, he had a good memory. Cocking her head, she tapped the toe of her tennis shoe against the ground and bit her bottom lip. Yeah. I wish that’s all I had to worry about. She rolled her eyes. I mean, do I really need to know calc to be on stage?

He shrugged. You never know. What year are you again?

Junior. One year left, thank-freaking-God.

Hang in there. You’re almost finished. I guarantee it’ll get better.

That’s what I’m hoping for.

So, what are your plans? Broadway? His pupils dilated as his gaze traversed her body. Hollywood maybe? You’ve got the looks.

She ran her fingers through her ponytail with a nervous laugh. Who knows? I’m just living the life right now.

That so?

Dark flecks glinted in his eyes like a silent storm. Her heartrate accelerated. Glancing at her watch, she shifted her weight from foot to foot and tapped the edge of his mirror. Hey, it was good seeing you. Maybe we’ll catch up this weekend at the Zeta party. I’d better head back to the house. I’ve gotta—

His hand shot out, clenching hers in a vice-like grip. A scream tore from her lips. Veins protruded from his flexed forearms as he pinned her to the side of the door. She struggled, attempting to scream again, but he swung the door wide.

The edge of the door struck her midsection like a boxer’s blow. Her lungs seized. With the wind knocked out of her, she fell to the ground.

Hauling her up, he wrapped his arms around her. His erection pressed against her backside. She thrashed against him. No!

He slipped his hand over her mouth. Sh... His soft voice flooded her eardrum, drowning out the roar of Lake Superior.

Her pulse skyrocketed. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Please... no!

A sharp jab pierced her forearm and her vision blurred as an unnatural heat spread through her body. Swaying, she gripped his arm to steady herself. Why are you doing this? I’m nobody special.

Drawing a silky red scarf from his pocket, he brushed a strand of hair from her face, kissed her forehead, and gagged her. "Sure, you are, darlin’. You’re perfect. Patting her cheek, he whispered, I can make you a star. Wouldn’t you like that?"

Her eyelashes fluttered. Gazing into her assailant’s coal black eyes, she whimpered before succumbing to the darkness.

ROLLING WAVES CRASHED against rocks and seagulls cried overhead as Melissa awoke with a groan. A monstrous headache threatened to split her skull in two. Wincing, she squirmed against a hard metal surface, her back sore from sitting ramrod straight. She tried to move her hands, but they were bound together behind her back.

Where am I?

Splaying her fingers, she patted the space surrounding her. Jagged edges of a cement barrier bruised her palms. She drew her knees up and tried to turn her torso, but a solid wall of metal blocked the movement.

The cool wind sluiced over her. A spray of icy water hit her in the face, and she sucked in a breath. With her teeth chattering, she glanced down. Her sweatshirt had been replaced by a red kimono, the lacy camisole she’d planned to wear for her date barely covering her.

As she struggled against her bindings, the straps of her camisole broke free. A searing pain like a bad sunburn ripped across her chest. What the hell? She eyed the swollen flesh of her left breast. She’d been tattooed with what looked like a fancy crimson heart.

Oh my God! What did he do to me?

You like it? It’s my own design. It took a month to perfect, but it was worth it. My brother always said I was the creative one.

Dirty hiking boots flashed in her peripheral vision as her attacker’s voice cut through the morning fog. Like a ghostly shadow, he emerged from the mist dressed completely in black. Sinking to his haunches he lifted her chin with a finger and smiled.

Good morning, beautiful. Are you ready?

Dread swirled through her stomach. Swallowing the ache in her throat, she recoiled. What do you want with me?

Smirking, the man pulled a tripod and video camera from a duffle bag behind him. "You wanna be a star, right? A big fucking deal?" He brushed the back of his hand across her branded breast.

Shrinking back, she choked out, I don’t!

His soft laughter unnerved her. Sure, you do. Just last spring, you told me you were gonna go all the way just to spite daddy. Remember?

Attaching the camera to the tripod, he set it up and waved his hands in the air as if presenting some grand prize. Ta da! I’m your good Samaritan. I can help you piss your daddy off.

Tears streamed down her face as she thought of her father and their recent fight. I didn’t mean it. I was just angry. I want to go home!

He ran a finger across her cheek and scoffed. You rich sorority bitches are all alike. Always indecisive. You never know what you want.

The lines of his forehead creased, and his brow drew down. Darkness simmered in his eyes. And sometimes you take what isn’t yours, no matter what the cost. He dug into his bag. Holding up a flog, he sifted the leather tails through his fingers. It’s time you ladies learned your lesson.

Melissa released a sob. I’m not like that! Please!

Standing, he pulled a black ski mask over his head. He positioned the camera ten feet away and removed the lens cap. As he worked at the back of the viewfinder, the red light at the top started to blink.

Kneeling beside her, he opened her kimono and exposed the tattoo. Now we’re ready. Show me those beautiful dimples, darlin’. You’re about to become the biggest influencer on the internet.

A sharp ting of metal pierced the air as he unsheathed a knife from his boot with a sinister grin.

Melissa screamed.

Chapter 1

THE PAST

Rochester Hills Grade School

Fourteen years ago

Hey, butterball! Catch!

Throwing her arms in the air, Penny Ramsay gasped as she dropped her backpack and flinched. Her arms windmilled. Tripping over her bag, she landed against the lockers with a thud. Laughter erupted around her. Clutching her aching hind end, she rolled to her side and looked up.

Barron Killian.

She glowered at him. You’re a giant asshat, Killian. I hope you rot in hell!

Miss Ramsay!

The indignant gasp silenced the noisy hall, and Penny’s heart stuttered. Please, no. Not the wicked witch of the west. Pushing herself up, she faced her eighth-grade English teacher, a formidable, one-man firing squad.

Fidgeting with the front of her shirt, Penny swallowed hard. Mrs. Trenton, it isn’t—. I mean, Barron was...

The creases deepened around the woman’s wrinkled lips. There is no excuse for using such crass language in our halls, young lady. Arching an eyebrow, she pointed to her room. Detention. Now.

Like a military general on a mission, Mrs. Trenton marched into her classroom, her spine ramrod straight. Soft laughter trickled from the few students lingering.

A snort left Killian’s lips as he kicked Penny from behind. Face it, fatso. You’re the biggest loser in school. Even the teachers think so. So why don’t you do us a favor and off yourself?

Penny hung her head, heat flooding her cheeks. She drew her curls in front of her face before the tears could fall. Why’d I have to run off at the mouth again?

Get out of here, asswipe! Pen? You okay? What happened?

As she gathered her books, her eyes drifted across the bare feet gripping the linoleum in front of her. Her gaze panned up past the team track pants and white t-shirt hugging a perfectly sculpted torso. As Luke Donovan stared at her, his gorgeous blue eyes scanning her face intently, her mouth went dry.

Come on. He extended his hand to help her up. The smell of chlorine wafted from him, and a hot flush crept over her cheeks. His fingers brushed hers.

She recoiled. I’m fine, Luke. I don’t need help.

Hey, handsome! Are we still studying for history this afternoon?

Dropping Penny’s hand, he smiled broadly as the new girl, Christy Mefford, sauntered toward them. Linking her arm with Luke’s, she sneered at Penny.

His eyes lit up as he scanned Christy’s toned legs. Yeah, after my meet. You’re coming to watch, right?

Christy flipped her perfectly straightened chestnut-colored hair behind her shoulder and giggled. Of course, I am, silly.

Capturing her reflection in the sidelight of Mrs. Trenton’s classroom, Penny brushed her frizzy curls from her forehead. The ends scattered wildly as she blew them from her face. She sighed. Why did she always look like crap when the guy she’s had a crush on for years was around? Not that he’d notice her with Christy always attached to him like a leech.

Miss Ramsay, do you want detention every day this week? Get in here. Now!

Sighing, Penny grabbed her backpack, but it wouldn’t budge. She pulled harder, dislodging one of the straps from beneath Luke’s foot. As he lurched forward, he glared at her. Swallowing the lump sitting at the back of her throat, she hunched her shoulders. Sorry.

Naw, it’s fine. Luke placed a hand on her arm. You gonna be okay?

His pity stung like a second-degree burn. She didn’t need him feeling sorry for her. It was bad enough his girlfriend stood beside him sporting a smug grin. I got this, Penny muttered. Lowering her chin, she stumbled into Mrs. Trenton’s class and flopped into a first-row desk. The chair squeaked loudly.

Mrs. Trenton glanced up from her pink notepad with a scowl. After scribbling furiously, she set the pen aside and ripped the paper from the top. As she handed the slip to Penny, she sniffed. You have an attitude problem, Miss Ramsay, and I won’t tolerate it any longer. You’ll serve your first detention tonight, and you’ll be arranging the book nook in the library every day this week during lunch.

Acid filled Penny’s stomach. But what about food? Lunch was the only real meal she got each day.

Pursing her lips, the woman eyed her with disdain. Likely a few missed meals won’t—.

Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Eliza.

Penny turned as Mrs. Donovan, their new principal, tapped her foot in the doorway of the classroom. Holding out a hand, she cast a soft gaze at Penny. Come with me, honey.

Lines snaked out from Mrs. Trenton’s mouth. Excuse me, Mrs. Donovan. But the girl is serving detention!

Snatching the paper from Penny’s desk, Mrs. Donovan ripped it into shreds and stared at Mrs. Trenton intently. Not any longer. Cancel your meetings tomorrow morning and meet me in my office before classes. We need to chat. Mrs. Donavan gave Penny a tentative smile. Grab your coat. Do you have a ride home?

Love filled Penny’s heart as she stood. Mrs. Donovan had always been kind to her, especially after her father’s death. Gripping the strap of her backpack, she shook her head. Colton had to work. I was supposed to ride the bus. She looked at her watch. It’s gone now.

Mrs. Donovan led her out of the room. Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.

Luke ran toward them. Mom? Good. You found her. Are you coming? The meet starts soon.

Penny’s stomach clenched. So, Luke saved her from Trenton’s wrath? Did the guy always have to be the hero? This wasn’t the first time he’d saved her from bullies.

Mrs. Donovan frowned at her son. You’re supposed to be in the pool. Where’s your dad? I need to run Penny home.

Luke’s jaw clenched. The asshole isn’t coming.

"Luke."

Just stating a fact, he muttered.

Penny darted looks between Luke and his mother as if watching a ping pong match. It was no secret he didn’t get along with his father. She often heard Luke and Colton discussing Captain Donovan’s unreasonable expectations while they were lifting weights in the basement. Her heart slowed to a crawl. If Luke knew she spied on him every chance she got, she’d die of embarrassment.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Luke sighed. He’s in a meeting, alright? Can we drop it?

Awkward. Pressing her lips together, Penny stared at the principal. I can walk home, Mrs. Donovan.

The woman glanced at the clock. I’ll call your mother. I’d like to speak with her.

Fear prickled across Penny’s skin. That conversation wouldn’t go well. I’m not sure she’s home, ma’am. Please don’t call her...

You can’t walk five miles in the cold rain. Mrs. Donovan turned to her son. Luke, I’ll be back in time for your events. Get to the pool and warm up. Come, Penny. We’ll wait for Miranda out front.

Slumping, Penny followed the woman down the hall, dread slowing her pace with every step. She shook her head. Why did she waste her breath talking to adults? They never listened.

JESUS, I CAN’T BELIEVE this. Fifth time this year that woman’s called me. What the hell did you do this time?

As Miranda Ramsay slammed the door with another curse, Penny swallowed her pride and stowed her emotions. If she cried, she’d get the belt for sure. Nothing. Barron Killian was teasing me, and Mrs. Trenton heard me call him a—.

Miranda thumped her thumbs against the steering wheel. You smarted off again. Damnit, Penelope. Haven’t you learned anything by now? Giving Penny a glare, she muttered, If you’d put down the damn doughnuts, the kids wouldn’t make fun of you. Look at you. You’re a mess.

Throwing the car into gear, Miranda glowered at Penny and released a few more epithets before pulling out of the parking lot. The look of disdain pierced Penny’s heart like a million knives. Steeling herself, she blocked out the rants. She’d heard this speech so many times she could recite it by heart. At least her mother hadn’t unleashed her anger in front of Mrs. Donovan. The woman usually didn’t restrain herself.

For example, in front of the clerk at Walmart: Penny, for the love of God, lose weight. I can’t afford to buy you plus-sized clothing.

Or at a restaurant: You aren’t ordering a cheeseburger. It’s full of fat. Choose a salad instead.

Talking with their neighbors during the fourth of July picnic: I don’t know why she won’t join the swimming team like her brother. He isn’t two-hundred pounds.

And at her brother’s swim meets: Go stand by the wall. You’re too large to sit in the bleachers. You’ll crowd the people next to us.

Fighting back tears, Penny gripped her bag tighter and stared out the window. Five more years.

Then I’ll be free from all of them.

THE PRESENT

Marquette, Michigan

Jeez, Louise, I’m gonna kill her.

Throwing her bag on her desk at the Marquette Police Department, Penny stared daggers at the small, cellophane package sitting on her chair emblazoned with the logo of a bright pink cupcake. Seriously?

Placing her coffee on the inkblot pad, she grabbed the bag and sniffed the contents. The Bavarian cream-filled confection buried beneath a napkin accosted her senses. Her mouth watered. Her stomach growled.

Glancing out her office window, she issued her best friend, Mariah Collins, a glower. Mariah smirked, her eyebrows arching in apparent challenge. Grumbling under her breath, Penny tossed the bag in the trash.

Couldn’t her friends support her rather than sabotage her efforts? It had taken her almost a year to lose nearly seventy-five pounds, and she still had thirty to go. It didn’t help that every month she had to battle the unrelenting symptoms of polycystic ovarian syndrome on top of it.

Pushing her curls from her face, she pointed at Mariah and called out, Not helping!

A deep chuckle emanated from the doorway. She got you a fucking doughnut again, didn’t she? Hiking his bag over his shoulder, Mariah’s partner, Georgie Ford, leaned against the doorway with his signature lopsided grin.

Penny stared at the man sternly. "Can’t you speak a sentence without inserting the F-word? This is a public place."

He laughed. You kiddin’ me? Have you heard my pop? Penny sighed. Captain Ford had the mouth of a sailor for sure. Georgie nudged her. Just tell Collins to mind her own damn business.

Pushing through the door, Mariah edged him out of the way. "It was a nice gesture, Ford. It shows I care about my bestie." Georgie rolled his eyes, murmuring under his breath before he walked out.

Rescuing the delicacy from the waste bin, Mariah balanced it on her open palm. Come on, Pen. It’s one lousy doughnut. It won’t kill ya.

Penny slid her black framed glasses down her nose and arched an eyebrow. No way. One turns into two— Or a dozen, in my case. I’m not doing it, Collins.

Mariah wiggled it under Penny’s nose and sang, You know you want it. She pulled the heavily powdered confection apart and sucked in a dramatic breath. "Look at all that ooey-gooey chocolate cream. It’s so yummy. Mmm... better than sex."

Licking the sugar from her fingers, she closed her eyes and moaned. When her feigned noises reached orgasmic levels, it took every ounce of Penny’s restraint not to laugh. Grabbing her water bottle, she pushed her friend into the hall. You’re incorrigible, woman.

Sporting the mile-wide smile and dimple that sent most men into a tongue-lull, Mariah nudged Penny’s shoulder. "You wouldn’t change me. You wuv me."

With a grin, Penny snorted. That much was true. Mariah was one-hundred-percent genuine—the real deal. They’d met three years ago while Penny was a TA at Northern Michigan University. After one of her students had been assaulted by a classmate, Penny had invited Mariah, fresh from the police academy and the #metoo movement, to talk to her psychology classes about the importance of reporting campus rape. In private, Penny had shared her own story, and she and Mariah had become inseparable.

But sometimes her best friend wasn’t as sensitive as she would like.

Penny closed her eyes. I do love you, girl. But right now, I need a little compassion and understanding. She took her lunch bag and walked down the hall past the 911 dispatcher with Mariah in tow.

You know I was just teasing.

Penny stopped. Be honest, Ry. You were making a point.

Mariah’s smile disappeared. Glancing over her shoulder, she pulled Penny into the cafeteria. "Fine. You wanna know the truth? I’m worried about you. You’re overdoing this dieting thing. And it’s not just the food. Kickboxing classes twice a week followed by yoga, Pilates, and some sort of cross-fit-meets-Zumba crap that even I can’t keep up with... you’re gonna kill yourself. And for what?"

Heat spread across Penny’s cheeks as she eyed Mariah’s athletic body. Her tanned skin accentuated long legs that went on for miles. Her blue eyes and blond hair, styled in a short, edgy pixie cut, were the stuff models were made of. And every guy they encountered loved the confidence that went along with Mariah’s perfect ten looks. There was no way Penny could compete with that.

Suppressing her envy, she sighed. You can’t possibly understand. I was seriously overweight. I still have more to go before they consider me to be healthy.

Mariah barked a laugh. "Who the hell are they? The diet Nazis? She put a hand on Penny’s arm. Your mom is gone. You don’t have to please anyone but yourself."

Penny pressed her lips together. Life didn’t work that way. Until her death four years ago, Miranda Ramsay had been ruthless, always calling Penny names and criticizing her weight. Unfortunately, Penny’s psyche had suffered the long-term effects. I can’t just turn it off, Ry.

Mariah shook her head. You’re my best friend, but I gotta be honest. You look miserable. I’ve watched your transformation over the last year. It hasn’t been the metaphorical butterfly emerging from her chrysalis. More like the starving bear waking after hibernation. She lifted her chin. Tell me you’re torturing yourself for your own happiness, and I’ll back off.

Grasping the edge of the counter, Penny leaned back. Was she happy? While she hated feeling hungry all the time, there had been benefits to her hard work. She loved to exercise, and she had more energy. And the first time that slinky black dress she’d been saving hugged her curves and she hadn’t cringed looking at herself in the mirror...

Heck yes, it was worth it.

She touched Mariah’s arm. I appreciate that you care. And I get it. I tend to be overzealous about things. But I feel healthier. This past weekend, Colton and Kyra visited with the kids, and it felt good to chase Jackson and Sophie up Sugar Loaf Mountain without wheezing. I want to do that with my own children someday.

Mariah wrapped her arms around Penny. That’s all I needed to hear. So, your hot-as-sin brother is still wrapped up in his happy family, hey? Too bad.

Penny laughed. Mariah had nursed a harmless crush on Colton forever. Not that it mattered. After five years of married bliss to his wife, Kyra, he was a lost cause. You’d think they were newlyweds the way they carry on.

Mariah snorted. Why are all the good ones taken?

I gather your date this weekend sucked.

Wrinkling her nose, Mariah huffed a sigh. Worst one I’ve had this year. She gave an imaginary shudder. I learned more than I needed to know about personal investments and financial portfolios, and you know what? I still don’t give a shit.

Penny hummed. "It can’t be as bad as the blind date my neighbor Mrs. Lendowksi set me up with last month. The guy showed up in a Van Halen t-shirt and Birkenstocks. Granted, we were attending an outdoor concert, but when he opened his car door, the smell of pot nearly gagged me. He stuck a blunt in his pocket, then apologized for his patchouli car deodorizer."

At Penny’s air quotes, Mariah burst out laughing. "Fine, you win. My guy would’ve thought you’d made a grammatical mistake putting an article before blunt."

A deep chuckle echoed in the hall. Sounds like you ladies had quite the weekend.

Penny turned around, her heart skipping a beat as their newest detective—and her partner—walked into the employee lounge. A transplant from Cleveland, Jonathan Sutton had only been on the force for six months. In that time, he’d had nearly every woman that worked in the building competing for him. Even the old biddies in the city offices across the street had their feelers out, hoping to introduce the thirty-something heartthrob to their nieces and granddaughters.

Mariah nudged him. What about you, hot stuff? Same old, same old?

Crooking his lip into a smirk, he gazed at Penny and shrugged. It isn’t hard to find a willing participant in a college town, if you know what I mean.

Penny wrinkled her nose. And that right there was why she’d shot Jonathan down time and again. He’d asked her out a few times, but she’d always made convenient excuses. Fortunately, they were legitimate. She really had had to babysit her niece and nephew when he invited her to dinner a few months ago. It had been Colton and Kyra’s anniversary, and Penny had driven to Ashwood to spend the weekend with the kids.

And the last time Jon had invited her to a movie, she’d gotten called in to counsel a victim through the harrowing ordeal of reporting her rape to the police. He hadn’t pursued her since.

Thank God.

Sipping his coffee, he smiled at Penny. So, Ramsay, how about it?

Spoke too soon.

She lifted her brow. I’m not sure I understand the question.

Jesus, stop hitting on her. She’s your partner, Mariah muttered.

Technically, she isn’t a PD employee. Propping himself on the counter, he leaned against Penny. As his teddy bear eyes drew her into their vortex, her stomach flipped. He chuckled. What do you say, Pen? Dinner Friday night?

Why’d he have to smell so good? Like a mixed cocktail of clean air and woods followed by a summer breeze chaser. She hadn’t been attracted to anyone like that since high school. Pushing away from him, she swallowed hard. The last thing she wanted was to dredge up memories of that horrible time. Go away, Jonathan.

Sutton cleared his throat. Come on. Aren’t you the least bit curious about how good we’d be? I can’t be any worse than the last loser you dated.

Penny winced. She couldn’t compare anyone to her last boyfriend. The lowdown, dirty dog. After pursuing her for two months, Max Easton, a reporter for the region’s largest paper, hadn’t been interested in her in the least. He’d merely wanted a lead about a case she was handling.

Mariah barked out a laugh. You’ve got balls for sure, Sutton. You think you would’ve learned your lesson. Didn’t you get reprimanded for fucking a co-worker at your last job?

Gasping in exasperation, Penny harrumphed. Language!

Oh, for Christ’s sake. He scowled. You have no idea what you’re talking about, Collins.

Arching her eyebrow, Penny crossed her arms and glowered at her partner’s crassness. Really?

Mariah jutted out her chin. I know not to shit where I eat.

Is that why Georgie’s miserable? he retorted.

She shrugged. At least I’m not preggers.

Sutton slammed his fist on the counter. Don’t you ever shut the fuck up?

As her friends stared at each other, their eyes narrowed in what seemed to be a silent meeting of the minds, Penny felt the protein bar she’d devoured this morning work its way back up her esophagus. She hadn’t heard why Jonathan had left his home state, but she certainly wasn’t up for a potential baby-mama situation.

Pushing away from the counter she held up her hands. This is all moot, people. Jon, I’m sorry, but I don’t fraternize with colleagues. I’ve told you this before. End of story.

"Ha! There’s my girl. Smart as a whip. Fra-ter-nize. Love that word. The walkie at Mariah’s waistband squelched out her name. Unhooking it from her belt clip, she winked at Penny. See you at lunch?" Penny nodded, and Mariah strode out of the break room.

Jonathan raked his fingers through the short blond hair cropped close to his head and muttered a curse. The woman isn’t pregnant. She never was. After I broke it off, she used that as an excuse to have me written up. As his gaze met hers, the pain he’d obviously kept at bay for months surfaced. I left the Columbus PD because I had family issues to deal with. Then this job popped up. I wanted a fresh start, ya know?

She sighed. Much as she advocated for female victims of rape and sexual harassment, she was all too aware that many men suffered from the dishonesty of manipulative women as well. I’m sorry, Jon. That was a crappy thing for her to do.

Standing, he wrinkled his nose and waved his hand. I’m over it. I’ve dealt with some pretty tough sh–um, crap the last few years. Right now, I’m just taking it slow. I’d like to take you out, Ramsay. No strings attached, just dinner.

Her teeth trapped her bottom lip as the ache in her chest grew. It had been a while since she’d had a proper date. What’s the worst that could happen?

A sharp knock on the window broke the uncomfortable silence. Mariah stood outside with Captain Ford, her eyes widening as she held up a report. Penny frowned as they strode through the door with purpose.

Sutton shook the Captain’s hand. Heya, Chief, what’s up?

This is effed up, Mariah muttered.

Passing