Through Roni's Eyes

By Viola Merritt

Relive the lives of past loves, losses, trials and happiness as told of the history of family,loved ones and finding true love as told "Through Roni's Eyes".

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Nov 9, 2012
• ISBN: 9781300386759

Book preview

Through Roni's Eyes

Through Roni’s Eyes

VIOLA  MERRITT

Dedication:

To my grandmother:  For introducing me to and instilling God’s love and awesome power into my life at an early age because she knew that later in life, God would be what I needed to make it through the trials and blessings in life.

To my parents:  I am who I am because of you. You were both always there for me. Let me be myself and taught me how to learn from my mistakes. You taught me how to get up and dust myself off when I fell, and keep going. You both were and are still such a blessing in my life. I love you both so much.

To my children:  Hopefully this will give you all a better understanding of family; and an understanding of the decisions and choices I’ve made during my trials and mistakes in life. Because we all must face our own fates; hopefully the seed of God’s love and power that I’ve tried to instill in you will be watered. To allow each of you to be able to gather the same strength throughout your lives, that God has given me. I love you all.

To Vance Varela:  Though the story that is depicted in this book is not entirely true. You are my first love. We will always be friends, lovers and family; we will love each other for life. I love you.

To all of the men in my life:  Each of you have etched a very special imprint in my heart that has brought me and taught me how to love.

To my best friend, Genesther:  For all your encouragement, determination, and support. I know that I would not have pursued having this book published if it had not been for you. You are my ride or die through thick and thin; good and bad. You’re like a sister to me and we will always be family. I love you.

Preface:

Through Roni’s Eyes is a poignant story of life that takes you through the trials and struggles that living in the southern states brought.  What the past endured that molded her life and the events that would shape the person that she is today.

Roni is an average girl who is both fascinated and encouraged by the stories told to her of the past. Roni envisions the lives of all her grandparents’ journeys that have shaped her life.

Through Roni’s Eyes invites you to look through the eyes of a dreamer. Seek the adventures of the future and frustrations of choices made.

Wanting something that you shouldn't or can't have. Wondering if you'll ever have what you dream of. Trials and errors of life's choices are things you'll see Through Roni's Eyes.

Through Roni’s Eyes will take you to the joys of love; the fear of circumstances and the results of choices that are made in life and pose the question… will Roni finally live happily ever-after?

Roni encounters the inevitable circle of Life as a witness and partaker she endures the reality of what goes around, comes around; through her family’s lives Through Roni’s Eyes.

Through Roni’s eyes will make you want to find, cherish, and rekindle that special love affair again.

Love is God’s greatest gift to all of us. Everybody needs, desires, and deserves to have at least that one special love affair in their life. No matter what else happens in life, if you have that special person (or persons); you have truly been blessed.

Chapter 1:          Stories from the past

I'm Roni. It has been very interesting to learn of my families humble beginnings. I try to imagine what it was like. Let me tell you about my family through my eyes… where to begin? I know, I'll start with all my grandparents.

Lillie Mae was my great-great grandma. Everyone called her Big Mama. She was a beautiful woman. Her complexion was so fair that other coloreds thought that she was half white. If the truth had been known to them; she woulda been shunned because she was in fact a child born of a white slave owner called Massa Wilson. She had a dimple right in the middle of her chin and a mole  on the  left side of her nose that complimented her beige skin. Big Mama's mama Pearl worked in the big house. She was Massa Wilson's wife, Martha's head servant. Pearl tended  to Martha's every need. She was the only one allowed to be in her bedroom to clean and take care of her undergarments and personal items. Pearl would brush Martha's hair when she got out of the bath and lay her clothes out on the bed  for the day. Martha relied on Pearl and treated her well.

But all those times that Pearl would be in the bedroom tending to Martha's belongings… Massa Wilson would lurk in the shadows and watch her. He wanted her. Pearl was a fine woman with mahogany brown skin. She had perky breast; a small little waist and big hips. She had pearly white teeth and that's where she got the name Pearl. Massa Wilson and Martha found her sleepin in their shed when  she was eleven years old. She became an orphan when the house she lived in with her mama caught on fire. The flames engulfed the house so fast till all Pearl's mama had time to do was push her out the front door to safety. Pearl waited but her mama never came out.

Martha showed Pearl kindness right from the start. She  took her in from the shed, cleaned her up and fed her. Pearl was so grateful that she smiled from ear to ear and when Martha saw her pearly white teeth she told her then and there; I'm gonna call you Pearl. Martha took Pearl everywhere with her. She taught her how to take care of her belongings. She was like the daughter that Martha was never able to have herself. She loved Pearl even though she was colored. She taught her how to talk proper English and tend to their company when guests came callin. And Pearl catered to their every need.

By the time Pearl was fourteen Massa Wilson forced himself on her. She was almost old enough to jump the broom with one of his other slaves. She got pregnant and Massa Wilson pretended that one of his field hands did it and sold him to keep his secret. Massa Wilson told Pearl that she could keep her baby if she went along with his story. He told her that if she told, he would take her baby after it was born; have her whipped and sell her too.

When Pearl had Big Mama she was so fair skinned that the other coloreds would whisper about her behind her back. And as Big Mama got older her hair was straight and it curled up when it got wet. She had hazel eyes and even a few very faint freckles. Her high cheekbones and thick lips were the only colored traits she had. Big Mama grew up fighting. The other colored girls that she grew up with didn’t like her. They would give her dirty looks and whisper and snicker when they saw her. Whenever Big Mama would approach them they would run because they knew that she would punch them in the face. They would talk about her when they were all together; but they knew that if she got her hands on one of them; they would get beat up. Big Mama was more than they could handle.

At first the other girls would hurt Big Mama’s feelings because she wanted to be their friend. She ran to her mama Pearl one afternoon crying and exclaiming about how they were talking about her. Pearl got mad and grabbed Big Mama firmly by both shoulders and told her to grab the closest one and punch her dead in the face as hard as she could. She told her that the other girls would run off when they saw that she would fight. And that’s exactly what Big Mama did the next time they teased her. She grabbed the biggest girl by her sleeve; snatched her around and  punched her right in the nose. The girl ran away crying and holding her nose as blood dripped from it leaving a bloody trail.

The other girls were also jealous because most of the boys liked her. They thought that Big Mama was cute and fine. They loved her long wavy-curly hair and big hips. Some of the boys would argue and bet on which one of them Massa Wilson would allow to jump the broom with her. Some of them didn’t want to jump the broom; they just wanted to bed her. The oldest boy; Jed, had a reputation of sweet- talking some of the other girls, and he had his sights on Big Mama too. One day when she passed by, Jed walked up behind her and pinched her on her behind. Without hesitation, Big Mama turned around and punched him right in the mouth.

Massa Wilson had a dozen families living in the colored quarters behind the field. There was about ten teenage boys and girls; a few smaller kids and one or two babies. Jed  was 16. Tommy was his best friend. They were a year  apart. When Jed would come up behind the girls and pinch their behinds, Tommy would linger back out of sight. He liked Big Mama too. When Tommy saw Big Mama punch Jed in the mouth, he knew that he needed to find another way to get her to notice him.

Tommy didn’t have anything to offer her but his friendship. He was good at making the others laugh. When he noticed that Big Mama was laughing at him clowning around too, he focused his humor and playfulness towards her. Before long they were spending all of their free time together.  They would laugh, talk, and hang out as much as they could. After about three months; Tommy built up enough nerve to kiss Big Mama. One day when they were sitting  by the stream talking, he reached over and kissed her on the cheek. At first Tommy tensed up expecting her to punch him. Then to his surprise she kissed him back. The next  day Tommy put on his best clothes and went to ask Pearl if he could jump the broom with Big Mama.

When Tommy knocked on the door to ask to talk to Pearl, he got tongue-tied and just stood in the doorway  speechless. The woman at the door asked him what he wanted and when he didn't speak, she gestured for him to go away. Tommy started stammerin and when he finally  got out the words Miss Pearl, she had just come down stairs and heard her name. Tommy, what do you want? as she approached the door. Maaayyyy I-I-I-I… he started stammerin again. I ain't got time for your foolishness, boy… say what you gotta say!

Just then Jed walked up. Tommy what you doin all  dressed up? Tommy knew that he'd better spit it out now. Pearl was getting annoyed and put her hands on her hips, scowling. Can I have your permission to jump the broom with Lillie Mae? he forced himself to blurt out. Jed's jaw dropped. He was mad at Tommy because he had been trying to bed Big Mama. He pushed Tommy into Pearl and took off running. She caught him and broke his fall. Come to my quarters later so we can talk… as she straightened him up, then she walked away.

Pearl knew all of the kids in the quarters real well. Especially the teenage boys. She knew that Jed was mannish and only wanted one thing. And she also knew  that Tommy was polite and respectable. So when Tommy came to their quarters later, she asked Big Mama if she wanted to jump the broom with him. She smiled at  Tommy, yes ma'am. Pearl gave her a big hug and kissed her on the cheek. Then she looked over at Tommy. Don't make me beat the black offa you boy! Your better treat my baby good. Yes ma'am. Then ya'll can jump the broom. pulling Tommy into her arms as she gave him a  big hug too.

Tommy and Big Mama had only been married for a week when Massa Wilson came home from buying more livestock. He was furious when he heard that they had jumped the broom. So he told Martha, Pearl and Big Mama that he had to take another trip to buy some lumber and made Tommy go with him. While they were gone, he sold Tommy in the next county. When Massa Wilson got back a few days later without Tommy; he told everyone that he was forced to sell him because he didn’t have enough money to pay for all the lumber that he needed.

Big Mama was heartbroken. She was also pregnant. She hated Massa Wilson for what he had done. She became rebellious and ornery. Massa Wilson told Pearl that if Big Mama didn’t straighten out; he would sell her too. So Pearl got Big Mama a job in town; washing and ironing. When she was about six weeks along a white boy jumped her from behind the bushes and raped her on her way home. She managed to get away by pretending to give in; then she reached over and grabbed a piece of firewood and cold- cocked him across his head. That boys’ father beat Big Mama half to death. It was only because his wife  felt  kindly towards her and stopped the beating that she survived, but she lost the baby.

Chapter 2:    The family’s roots

Because of what Big Mama had done, Pearl didn't have any more say-so over what happened to her. She had to do whatever the white boy's father told her to do. Massa Wilson's strongest young colored buck was Arnold. At 20 he could do the work to two men. The hard work of chopping wood and building fences and corrals had made him real muscular. When Arnold saw Big Mama after the beating; he was furious. He wished that he could get away with killing that white boy and his father for what they had done.

Arnold always had his eye on Big Mama and as she was healing he would visit her when his chores were done. He would tend to her and pamper her, and because of that, they fell in love. Arnold talked the kindly white woman into taking all the wages he had earned mending fences and corrals that winter. He also promised to tend to their crops till harvest time if they let him marry Big Mama. They agreed to let her go after all he had promised had been done. Then he took Big Mama to the next county where they jumped the broom and Arnold became Big Daddy. He built her a house and continued to tend to her until she was able to work again. But Big Mama never saw Pearl again.

Big Mama got pregnant again but lost the baby by working too hard, toting heavy bales of cotton. She just collapsed one day in the fields, dropping the bale she was toting beside her. Big Daddy got mean and ornery after that. He hated white folks for what they did to Big Mama. He hated that he had to give away his hard earned wages and work to harvest the crops to be able to take her away. After he nursed her back to health he fussed at her all the time, complaining about what he had lost. But once she had healed and was able to fend for herself, she told Big Daddy that she was leavin him because she got tired of him  fussing and packed her bags and went to stay with the neighbors across the river.

Big Daddy missed Big Mama. He missed catering to her. He missed how she smiled at him. He missed that twinkle in her eyes that let him know that she loved him and he loved her too. So after 3-4 days he stormed across the river to the neighbors house, came in and just took up her things without saying a word, except; com’on here woman! You been foolin round long enough. Time for you to come back home as he grabbed her by the hand with his free hand. Big Mama warned him that if he treated her like that again, she was leavin and would never come back.

Just when Big Mama thought that having any more young- ins wasn’t in God’s plan for her she got pregnant with  Nana, Annie Mae. Big Mama had nana late in life when  she was almost 30 years old. Having nana changed both her and Big Daddy’s life. They adored nana. She brought a joy to them that had been missing the whole time they were together

Big Daddy wasn’t mean and ornery anymore and Big Mama found a joy so deep down inside of her that when  she laughed; it was like the heavens opened up displaying the crows-feet that covered her face and the twinkle in her hazel eyes. Big Mama couldn’t work in the fields or do other chores anymore so she became a mammy for a white couple, named Ms. Ruby and Mr. Jim. She helped them with their two children, Donald and Eloise because that  was the only other job a colored woman could do in the south.

Big Mama had all the signs of a hard life on her face, but she had loving kindness in her eyes. And even with that,  she was still very pretty. She was about 5’ 6" and by this time, she was kinda heavy-set with a full figure that helped her tote Eloise on one hip and nana on the other. They were about the same age. Eloise was spoiled rotten and no matter what she did or how bad she was, she got praised by her parents and Big Mama had to accept it. Eloise would break dishes, throw things, and track mud through the house across the clean floors that Big Mama would clean again afterwards. Eloise once kicked her in the knee when she picked her up to keep her from throwing a shoe at her brother Donald. She knew that Eloise would miss Donald and end up breaking something else.

Many times Big Mama would be made to pay for the items that Eloise broke and the money would be taken from the few cents that she got. When Big Mama got riled up, she was as mean as a snake. She had to use all her strength to keep from beating the tar out of Eloise so she grabbed her by her ear; pinched and twisted it good and drug her to her room with her squealing and crying all the way. She kept her in there by placing a chair underneath the door handle.

Eloise started kicking that door and screaming at the top of her lungs. When her parents ran to the room and saw the chair and let her out, they all started scolding Big Mama. They threatened to have her whipped for what she had done. Then and there, she left and never went back again. She came home that evening calling Eloise everything except a child of God. Big Mama called nana and told her to sit down on the floor next to her and told her to never become anyone’s mammy! And later, nana passed that message down to her own young-ins.

Big Daddy died shortly after that. There were a lot  of stories on how he died. One story was that a gang of white boys jumped him because he threatened the white boy's father for threatening to have Big Mama whipped. White folks were good at covering up what they would do to coloreds. Big Daddy wasn’t the kind of man that just any man, white or colored could handle. He was big and burly and strong as an ox. The white boys in town didn’t like that they couldn’t handle or control him. Then the story went around that 8 to 10 white boys jumped him and tied him up and threw him in a pen with some wild bulls and he got trampled to death. Whatever really happened, no one knows, or just weren’t saying but when they found Big Daddy, untied just outside the bull pen; he was a bloody mess.

For a long time nana would ask Big Mama to take her to play with Eloise. She didn't understand why she couldn't play with her friend anymore and she missed her. Big Mama left nana with neighbors while she looked for work and eventually, nana became friends with some of the colored families kids. And as she grew older she got real popular. She learned to cook, bake and clean as early as nine years old. She learned to sew, wash and iron and became a big help to Big Mama after she became a widow. But Sunday's were the Lord's day and that was when the families would come together and bring a dish to the  church house; eat and sing praises to the Lord.

Big Mama made nana a rag doll one Christmas and she would make clothes for her from scraps of cloth. She had a best friend named Audra and they would play together when their chores were done and they let their dolls wear each others' clothes. But nana also had a hankering to rip and run with the boys. There were times when Audra  would come to get her to play but she would already be