Who Gives a Hoot

By Kat Lehto

Hi, my name is Karen, I live in the small town of Hoot where everyone is somewhat famous. With the growing unemployment rate I am forced to take a job where I stalk a gaggle of murders in order to burn a hole in their story. Like always, when something happens in a small town the perpetrators responsible become pseudo celebrities and with their growing fame I am forced to face the many secrets that not only concern myself but my family as well. Whether or not I'm a capable parent is called into question along with the fire that consumed my ex husband's house. While the web of secrets and lies starts to unravel I notice strange occurrences and I fear I am being watched.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 21, 2015
• ISBN: 9781312936232

Book preview

Who Gives a Hoot

I pull up to the courthouse and park the shambling mess I call my car in such a way that I have a clear visual of the double door entrance. I take a sip of my raspberry coffee that I made in my car then warmed up in the gas station microwave. As I wait, I pull out the file on my next case and begin to read. Sherry, Shelly, Sharleen, Sam, and Sandra all worked for the law offices of Helmsworth and Company. This particular law office deals with high profile cases and the retainer fees alone would bankrupt even a wealthy individual. The girls were all secretaries and unbeknown to them; they, were all sleeping with their boss Salmon. When they found this out, they all committed a horrific murder that left the most seasoned detective spiraling out of control and into a gut wrenching episode of hysteria when he arrived on the crime scene on the fifth of May. That was a particularly daunting day filled with police chases and a drug bust; but nothing prepared the small town of Hoot for this unforeseen brutal stabbing. The girls were plastered on the midnight nightly news; and although they thought themselves untouchable, due to their élite status, they soon found themselves in front of a judge being charged with first degree manslaughter.

Now, I was hired by an investigating company to go undercover, deep undercover, and find out all their dirty little secrets and burn a hole in their air tight alibi while supplying the prosecutor with means, motive and opportunity. Stupid right? I'm a glorified stalker, but I will lose my job if I don't magically turn into a notorious detective. You might be thinking, this is way cool, but it isn't. Following someone around is not cool, it's really boring. Why don't I get another job you ask? I can't get another job because the unemployment rate is 99% in the town of Hoot. Yes, Hoot, like who gives a Hoot.

Chapter One

I watch the girls exit the courthouse, smiling and looking perfect in their name brand outfits and thousand dollar high heels. They get in their pricey cars and I follow them, all the while thinking. You might want to know who I am, but chances are you don't. This however is a lonely car ride, much like all my car rides, so I'll tell you anyways. Who am I? I'm Karen Russian. Before you start, no, I'm not Russian. That's just my last name. I have a three year old daughter whom I have split custody of-I should have full custody!. What happened? My baby daddy was a sperm donor, literary. I had gotten pregnant with my ex husband, and then miscarried. My ex then blamed me and mysteriously disappeared. After crying my eyes out, I decided to try again, this time with a sperm bank. Success! I got a baby girl. Yahoo? Nope, not yet. Life reject sperm donor, Kyle, decided that he wanted child support and took me to court. Can they do that? They can't do that, can they! Yep! They can! And he won split custody. It turns out that this is a real thing, a man can file for custody,  be declared the farther by a judge, get custody and child support even though he is a sperm donor . It's called SB 115 and it's not supposed to work this way, but it did. To add insult to injury, the judge had the audacity to tell me that if Kyle wanted full custody he would have given it to him and then proceeded to call me an unfit mother.

So now I get to pay the looser sperm donor three hundred a week to not get my baby anything. Nope, he is an awful parent and only uses the money to fund his rock band career and stripper addiction. I would say I hate my life, but I can't. I have a daughter, and although I hate everyone and everything except my child, I don't hate my life.

I pull into the Hoot mall parking lot, grab my cheap digital camera and follow the girls. I somehow find myself crouched down behind a large plastic plant. You might be wondering why I'm hiding behind a fake plant right now at the mall? Well I am spying. With me I brought my second hand crappy camera that cost over two grand. If you are thinking that this isn't cheap, keep in mind private investigators and professional photographers usually spend over ten grand on a camera with multiple lenses. But still, it's more than what I can afford. I hate the world we live in. I can't get a decent job, but I have to cut off my own arm to buy something for a job that makes barely over minimum wage. What is this world coming to? I see them get up and leave the overpriced Sparkle Nail Salon. I went in there once and they nearly cut off my arm to pay their unreasonable prices. I start snapping photos of the preppy spoiled rich girls. Why? Because even though I am a trusted employee, I still must prove I did my job of following them twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. This trial is supposed to be my big break; if I catch these girls in a lie, then my career will skyrocket.

I hope I do catch them so I can get on with my life, but I hope my career won't skyrocket. Could you imagine me doing this for rest of my life? If that ever happens I will turn into a mindless zombie forever doomed to roam the barren earth stalking other mindless, yet richer, zombies. I scoff at the thought, and then smile to myself. I admit I have always dreamed of a post apocalyptic earth, where everyone would be equal despite economical hardship. The trial should last a month and I will try to remain employed for the duration of that time. It's money, right? You know the saying, beggars can't be choosers and I have a family to feed. I think of my impressionable daughter and how she will be staying with my mother when it's my turn to have her all month long. I sigh to myself. This is going to be my life for a month, hiding behind fake plants.

Sherry, Shelly, Sharlene, Sam and Sandra leave the cafe area after getting some overpriced caffeinated beverage and head to the movie theater. I have to keep eyes on them at all times; so I'm forced to buy a ticket for a ratchet vampire love story. It's like, I get it. They are vampires and they are in love, now can we not make a hundred movies about the same damn thing? I buy my ticket and sit way in the back. I don't need to sit this far away, but I plan to use my computer for the duration of the movie. What? It's a really bad movie. After I take out my computer, I