Beyond Jupiter's Kneecaps

By Spencer Payne

When Wilson is taken away from his high school, he finds himself in the center of the Bulbous Wood with little clue of how to get out. A stranger named Jarlsberg instructs him to make his way to Boxen Roxen, the city of children that cannot grow. In search of a purpose that will prove to his school principal he has worth, Wilson must make his way through this newfound land and get home. Getting home is not that easy though, for he is light years from Earth and still wonders if his adventure is real at all or if he died in the bus crash and reached paradise.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jan 27, 2015
• ISBN: 9781312251779

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Beyond Jupiter's Kneecaps

Beyond Jupiter’s Kneecaps

Beyond Jupiter’s Kneecaps

By Spencer Payne

Published by Spencer Payne

2015

Copyright © 2015 by Spencer Payne

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

First Printing: 2015

ISBN

Spencer Payne

1234 Moist Hands road

Richmond, Virginia 23228

www.beyondjupiterskneecaps.com

Dedicated to those nurturing few.

1

But you aren’t a lady, that’s a lady’s name, Wilson said spraying the guardrails of the bus.

Ah, go jump in a pipe. Is your name any better? said the driver. Wilson caught a final glimpse of his school as the bus rounded the corner where the hotdog man always stood. Today he wasn’t there though, because in addition to the rain, it was still early morning.

It’s Timothy, but I go by Wilson, my last name.

Timothy is what you name little boys in blue hats. A sad name.

I’ll be out of high school in two years. I’m not small, Wilson said standing tall. Going by them in the opposite direction was a bus full of children. Wilson wasn’t on that kind of bus though, for if he were he would not be headed away from school and he wouldn’t be scrubbing the handrails of this bus.

Alright Timothy, or rather Wilson. If I was a better person I’d have left you lying on the bench back there having told you to go back to school. Sue me, I wanted to hear what your big deal was. Did somebody spill chocolate milk down your front-side or did they catch you rubbing deodorant down the backs of your legs?

I’m taking a holiday. Do I have to do all these handrails?

"You can’t pay the fare, you get to work for your ride. I’m no volunteer, I’ve got a life.

What do you do? Wilson said throwing his hands up.

I’m a wild man, you can only imagine the things I do after my shift of course. Driving a bus every waking moment of your life is strenuous and meant only for extreme thrill-seekers. But you, you don’t lead a life of adventure like me, you’re a lazy boy. You want to be a lazy boy?

You sound like Principal Fingers now. I do try and I’m not lazy.

That’s swell because lazy people do things like make excuses because they wear glasses or stand in vestibules or forget to phone their mom on Thanksgiving. Do you stand in vestibules? The bus began to slow and jolt as it started up a hill, This bus goes up, over the city? Wilson said.

Yes, I always have trouble getting up this hill though. It usually goes better once we reach the Lusee Leyk Hill overlook…levels out you know? That comes after the cliff though.

There’s no cliff up here, said Wilson, My father takes me to school on this road.

Since you aren’t lazy, you must have a girlfriend. The bus began to wind up and around a large hill that stretched into the sky giving one a grand overlook of the surrounding community: The office buildings, Wilson’s neighborhood beyond the hill, and even the small theater in the middle of the city which Wilson didn’t catch a glimpse of due to the rain. He enjoyed it there for a couple of reasons, the more important of which being that it only cost a few dollars and that they always played exciting movies.

I don’t see how the two connect. Maria isn’t my girlfriend though.

Oh. Maria, who is she?

A new student. She came about two weeks ago. The bus hit a sharp curve. Wilson snatched at the seat in front of him, Hey, watch it here, he said looking around. He hadn’t realized how high up they had come. They must’ve been higher than the tallest building in the city right now. The bus accelerated towards the next curve which appeared to be sharper than the last. The driver howled, Yeehaw! and Wilson stood up insisting he slow down, but Vicki only cranked the wheel hard to the right. Wilson looked out the window and saw straight down the side of the hill as the bus leaned hard off two wheels. I’m a wild man, said Vicki.

As the bus tipped on its side, Wilson fell on his face finding himself prostrate on a pane of glass. The bus hung over the edge of the turn, and as he got to his hands and knees and looked down through the glass Wilson saw a crack meander across the window which was the source of the crunch he heard, and in moments, amidst splinters of glass Wilson fell into the morning air. A gray mist engulfed his body round as Wilson lost sight of everything. As he felt the wet of the air upon his face he wondered if Vicki had fallen too, ‘I’m sure to hit the ground at any moment,’ Wilson thought and curled up in order to brace himself for impact.

His thoughts were turned elsewhere though as he sniffed a pretty smell. The stale, moist air that had invaded his nasal cavities was replaced with a savory jamboree of fragrance. It was roast beef, though perhaps it could’ve been roast beef joined also by mashed potatoes and gravy. He felt warm despite his being dewy and marveled at having not remembered hitting the ground, I must already be in Heaven getting ready to eat my favorite meal, he said aloud turning this way and that to get the best view of the hallowed cloud upon which he was to ramble for eternity.

His feet competed for attention and as he looked down Wilson saw that he still had on shoes, but beyond that was blue sky and a shape of some kind, ‘I ought not to be wearing shoes still, I ought to be clad in robes and walking barefoot,’ he though. The shape beneath him grew and it was a flying roast beef with gravy, or so Wilson thought, but as the mist dissipated and blue sky wrapped up around him like an envelope, he saw the shape to be something familiar. A diner.

He discovered, as he continued to fall that he wasn’t in Heaven and this conjured some strange ideas because if he were dead, there were only three places he could be, Heaven, Hell, or head first in a hole. He fell so fast now that he caught up with the falling diner and saw it had smoke coming from a little pipe out of the roof and a neon sign that read: Tup-Tup’s Grub Hub. In the window were all manner of people: waitresses with steaming trays, guests relaxing in booths, and a certain someone at the breakfast bar that resembled Maria.

He reached out towards the structure to catch hold of the window sill and upon doing so attempted to make his way around to the front. A struggle ensued as Wilson tried to complete his task whilst also attempting to maintain connectivity with the building. He found there was a front stoop, which relieved Wilson for he felt that he might’ve been pulled off by the strong arms of Mr. Wind if he had tried hanging on a moment longer. The stoop took him and at last, thoroughly wind-blown, he pushed the door and stepped inside.

Ahoy Charles! said a voice.

Ah, Crispy Charles, said a waiter.

And a smiling boy in a booth added, Chimpy! Wilson half-smiled and made his way towards she who resembled Maria. All of the tables he passed were laden with some variety of beef dish: corned beef and cabbage, beef merlot, a bowl full of what closely resembled a beef stew, beef burgers, nuggets, medallions, meat sauce over spaghetti, beef chowder, beef loaves with gravy, long cylindrical beef straws with ketchup, beef strings topped with oregano, and lots more beefy stuff. Other than that it was like any other diner: lots of mirrors, a tile floor, and textured walls

Maria? He was about to touch her shoulder when the girl turned round and said, Wilson, que pasa?

I think I’ll take you up on the offer to sit with you at lunch, Wilson said looking at the ground.

Si, si, but I asked you like two days ago in the lunchroom.

Wilson smiled, frowned, did both at the same time then realized this was an impossibility and that he must’ve looked deranged, I usually sit alone.

Whatever dude, and Maria smacked the seat next to her, Hop up.

So, who is Charles?

You I guess, they all start shouting names at whoever walks in. Like that lady came in not too long ago, Maria pointed to the back corner, They called her the French Wench, the little boy in the booth is Eli, and I’m Cuppy the coffee gal. It took some time for them to come up with that one.

Then how’d you get here? What is this place? Are we going to hit the ground? How far away is the school? You couldn’t have walked here, Wilson said.

What makes you think I have all the answers? I don’t know this place, this is my first time here.

Say I wanted to leave, do I just jump out the front door?

"Like I said, it’s my