Confessions of a Virgin

By Cassie Jo

Victoria experiences her first 12-year-old-crush at age 17. With a little help from her friends she attempts to lose her innocence. But losing her innocence may not be that simple. Is her virginity a plague or the result of an evil plot?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Sep 15, 2015
• ISBN: 9781329550094

Book preview

Confessions of a Virgin

Confessions of a Virgin

Second Edition

Copyright © 2015 Cassie Jo

This is a fictional work.  The author’s intention is to provide entertainment only.  The occurrences, situations, characters, names, brands and places are either derived from the author’s imagination or used strictly to provide depth and realism to the fictional characters.  All rights reserved.  No part of this book may be reproduced in any way without written permission of the author, aside from minimal quotations in reviews.

Cover Image: © Cassie Jo

Cover Art: Valerie Salerno McCord

This one’s for the Girls

-Martina McBride

How was your birthday? Casey asked, without looking away from some stupid show on Adult Swim.

I dropped my bag on the kitchen counter and stared at the back of his head contemplating if I should head directly to my room or join him.  My night wasn’t going to get any worse and being my older brother, I figured he could offer some sort of comfort.

I flirted with some jerk who tried to date rape drug me.  I blurted, plopping next to him on the couch.

That got his attention. What? Who?

I sighed.  I don’t know, really.  It’s fine.  Scott punched him.

Wow, he said, Your day was far more interesting than mine.

That was just the tip of the iceberg, but I wasn’t about to share the rest.  Let’s see, I turned seventeen; I had my first crush; I intentionally flirted for the first time; I held hands with a guy; actually, the hands of two guys; I drank a lot; I got jealous of another girl, rephrase that, skank; I let a guy almost get to third base and I fell in love. It was quite an eventful day.

With my emotions now controlling my life, I felt like a different person.  How could the events of one day change who I was?  I sat next to my brother and wonder about the stranger I had become and I wondered what happened to the girl I was that morning…

Victoria Snow headed to the lake with the gang.

Finishing my morning bathroom routine, I returned to my adjacent bedroom wrapped in a towel and sat at my computer.  Four people had wished me, ‘Happy Birthday’ on Facebook.  One mass, ‘Thank You’ at the end of the day, I figured was sufficient.  I changed my status to read: Victoria Snow headed to the lake with the gang.

Over my red bikini, I put on my Victoria’s Secret, white capri sweats that read, ‘Love Pink’ down one leg.  I threw on a pink v-neck tank top, slipped into my white sandals and checked my appearance in the mirror.  Running my fingers through my hair to help it air dry, I settled for an untamed beach look.  The light blond lengths hit my back at my shoulder blades.  It would have to do, considering we were supposed to leave in ten minutes.  I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs.

Mom loaded the dishwasher dressed for a golf outing. Even though she was almost 50, Mom looked like Carrie Underwood’s twin sitter.  It was obvious why Dad fell for her.

Happy Birthday, Casey barked from behind me, with a gruff voice.  He was either always hung over, or he never got past the voice cracking stage of adolescence.  Here, he passed me a plastic bag.

Mom turned around as I pulled out a webcam.  Thanks.

It’s high def, with a mic, he informed, I’ll hook it up for you.

Awesome.  You’ll have to show me how to use it.

Casey was in to technology. By my standards a real dork, but he was always popular in school.  He looked like Dad minus the athletic build.  Casey had just enough muscle on his body to keep him from looking like a ten year old girl.  His facial hair never amounted to much but he was lucky enough to inherit Dad’s blue eyes unlike my boring brown.

Happy Birthday, Sweetie, Mom hugged me.  Your Dad and I haven’t gotten you anything yet, but we’ll go shopping in California.

Two days later, we were flying to the west coast to visit family.

Mom awaited my approval, so I rolled my eyes.  Mom, I thought my computer was my present.

That’s your big present, she explained, But you needed one.  You should get something you want, also.

Mom, I don’t want anything, I admitted.

Casey glared, disapprovingly.  He had been partially cut off, forcing him to get a summer job to pay for his gas.  We were spoiled.

The doorbell rang and Casey bound toward the front of the house. I grabbed a granola bar giving up arguing about more presents. Taking a bite, I heard my BFF flirting with my brother.  Amy and Casey came into the kitchen engrossed with each other.  He’s had a crush on her since the moment they met.  She was new in school our Freshman year.  Casey was a Junior and was assigned to show her to her first class, and because she was blond with big boobs, he met her after each class to help her find the next.  He introduced us and we have been best friends ever since.

My BFF, Amy Standish, was gorgeous. An instant hit among the adolescent male population, plus she had a crowd pleasing reputation.  For some reason she never gave Casey the time of day, though.  She flirted with him but that’s it.  She agreed that he was a dork, but that had never stopped her before.  I think they never hooked up because he was my brother and she was like my sister.

Hi, Amy.  How are your parents? Mom interrupted them.

They’re fine.  Mom’s still crazy and Dad’s going through a midlife crisis.  He went bungee jumping last weekend, she answered, in a seductive tone. Not that she was trying to seduce Mom, she had just perfected her speech so that she was constantly sending out sex vibes.

Tell them I said, ‘hello’, Mom replied.

Amy spoke up, They’ll be at the golf outing, today.

Mom’s face changed into a smug smile, Oh, I didn’t know they supported the theatre.

It’s my Mom’s new hobby, Amy responded, making quote signs with the word, ‘hobby’.  She’s been listening to show tunes, and reading Shakespeare.

Happy Birthday, Vic, Amy twinkled her green eyes in my direction.  You ready?

I grabbed my bag.  Mom hugged me before I could escape.  We’ll be out late tonight, she reminded.

Casey followed Amy and me to the front door, Hey, what time you gonna be home? he asked.

Why, you gotta date? I inquired.

No.  Someone might come over, he threw a quick glance to Amy, Just a friend.

I didn’t know why discretion was necessary.  When Casey and Amy are in question, having a ‘friend’ over could very well mean casual meaningless sex and we all knew it and nobody cared.

I don’t know, I’ll text you, I replied.

He winked at Amy, Okay.  Have fun.  

Our street was in a quiet neighborhood. When we were younger, we played ball, getting through a whole game without any traffic interruptions.  There weren’t any kids left, though.  In fact, I was the youngest.  The families all moved in 20 some years ago and never moved out.  The lawns were all maintained by the same landscaper so the grass was the same length and color throughout the half dozen houses on either side.

We headed two doors down to Nick’s, walking across my driveway and then through Mr. Reynolds’ lawn.  He wouldn’t mind because he was never home.  Mr. Reynolds was a crotchety old man who never married and spent most of his time in Asia.  I had a theory that when he was stationed over there, during the war, he fell in love with a Vietnamese prostitute and had a family on the other side of the world.

Nick Strayer and his girlfriend, Katie Moore were loading a giant white Lincoln Navigator.  Nick was my oldest friend, we were in preschool together.  People used to joke that we would get married someday.  He was apparently the cutest guy in school but I never understood why anyone thought that.  He was tall, with dirty blond hair that curled at the ends.  Maybe I couldn’t see how attractive he was because he was more like a brother to me or maybe it was because I was blinded by his arrogance.  Nick was by far, the most self-absorbed person I knew.  An elitist, but yet, he was charming.  Most people didn’t seem to mind, though.  I guessed they thought any attention from Nick was good attention.  He had them convinced he was a gift from god.  Nick was the king of our school, class president, quarterback and captain of the varsity football team.

Amy dated Nick for a year and a half beginning three days after her arrival.  She was the new shiny toy and Nick called, ‘dibs’.  He broke up with her two days after they deflowered each other.  I’m not implying anything, just saying.  He’s gone through several girls since Amy but Katie Moore was the first to keep his attention post coitus.  They’d been together almost three months. 

Katie wasn’t a member of our group until she started dating Nick.  We thought she was stuck up but learned she was just shy.  She opened up once we got to know her. We liked Katie because she was never afraid to call Nick out on his cockiness.  She smiled to greet us.

Happy Birthday, Victoria, she announced, tying her wavy brown hair into a high ponytail.

I thanked her before Nick scared me from behind, picking me up in a bear hug so my feet dangled above the ground.  His arms tightened around my waist and he began to spin, Happy Birthday, baby girl.

Don’t drop me, I squelched.

That was a normal thing for us.  It started in the 4th grade when we were watching the Winter Olympics in his basement.  Figure skating came on and we thought we could go professional.  We pretended we were on ice and after many attempts and bruises at my expense, we gave it up.  It was my blackmail on him, though. If I needed leverage, I could always threaten to out his figure skating ambition.

He slowed the spin and I fell to the ground.  His sprinklers must have been on recently. I felt damp.  I steadied myself to a stand by holding the Navigator.

Who else are we waiting for? Amy asked Katie.

Josh and Scott.  The others are meeting us at the lake.

My brother joined us and started a conversation with Nick about some sport.  Uninterested, I loaded my bag into the Navigator.  The roar of an orange and white, V8 Mustang GT and over obnoxiously loud bass vibrated in the air.  I knew the color because I knew it was Scott Reed.

Scott was like the male version of Amy. They both liked sex and weren’t afraid to show it.  They dated once.  Well, actually no, they went on a date once, two years ago.  The summer between our Sophomore and Junior years, at a party, they disappeared for a while and when they returned, Amy confessed to me that his dick was as big as he claimed.  I hated that I knew that about Scott.  After that night, they went on an official date and decided they weren’t right for each other.  I think it was because neither of them wanted to be exclusive.  Ever since then, they compare their sexual encounters trying to one up each other.  They probably even had a point system.  I wondered who was winning.

Scott parked his Mustang in front of Mr. Reynolds’ house.  He took a red cooler from his trunk and carried it to the back of the Navigator.  Scott was shorter than Nick but really stocky.  He flexed his biceps, noticing us looking.

You’re looking hot, baby girl, he proclaimed, in his outdoor voice, the only voice he had.

Don’t I always? I asked.

True, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek, Are we gonna fuck today? 

I rolled my eyes, In your dreams.

Always, he let me go with an ear to ear smile.  Scott always went out of his way to make me blush.  He handed me a brown paper bag from his cooler.  Happy Birthday.  I peeked inside the package having an idea of what it was.  Absolute Vodka.  Yep, alcohol.

Are you trying to get me drunk? I asked.

If it’ll help get you naked, he said, optimistically, but knowing he never stood a chance.  Speaking of, he turned to Amy, Courtney Houser.

Amy stared blankly.  Is she an imaginary friend or prostitute?

She works at Lickity Clit.  I ordered a couple extra large vanilla cones from her last week, he grinned. 

Lickity SPLIT was a local ice cream shop.  Why anyone would name their business something as open as it was to public debauchery was beyond my comprehension.  It was run by a little old Asian lady named Nancy, so maybe she didn’t know.  We girls responded with a half laugh, half sigh.

Lame, Katie had a very low tolerance of Scott.

Amy looked at her phone.  It’s ten after, about time for Mr. Perfect to grace us with his presence.  Why is Josh always late?

Amy also dated Josh, around Christmas time.  It lasted three months, which was a long time for Amy.  I thought they were cute together, but she dumped him because she said they didn’t get along.  She still gets annoyed with him.  My thoughts were interrupted by my creaky garage door.  Dad was carrying golf clubs to his car.

I didn’t talk to my Dad today, I realized.  I go many days barely seeing him, so I figured while we were both available, I should at least say, ‘hi’.  Dad was an anesthesiologist and worked long hours at the hospital downtown.  I asked the girls if they wanted to come and left the boys talking.

Dad closed the trunk, I hoped you wouldn’t leave without saying, ‘goodbye’.  Happy Birthday, Pumpkin, he kissed my forehead.  Amy always said my Dad was a hottie.  He was good looking but I wasn’t so sure he was, ‘hot’.  Hi, girls, he took out his wallet.  Here, he stuck a 100 dollar bill in my hand.

Daddy, I don’t need this, I was annoyed.  I still had 50 dollars he gave me the week before.  I love you already.  You don’t have to buy me, I joked, raising my voice to be heard over some sort of jet engine.

Just in case you need it today, he said, at least that’s what I thought he said.  It tapered off at the end as his mouth dropped open.  I followed his eyes to a glossy white sports car pulling up in front of our house.  It was a car I had never seen.  I heard comments from Casey, Scott and Nick, Holy shit, Fucker, and The bastard.  I was perturbed that Dad stopped a conversation with me, on my birthday, to gawk at a car.  I glanced around.  Everyone was transfixed with mouths open, watering no doubt, even the girls.  Time froze for all of them.  I took the opportunity to shove the money in Dad’s polo shirt pocket.

Then, I stared too, with mouth open, and my saliva began to overtake me and I had to close it so I wouldn’t drool.  My heart began beating fast and loudly.  There was a huge lump in my throat.  I was hot all over, my hands started to sweat.  I couldn’t control myself.  I stopped breathing, my head was dizzy, I was going to faint.

Losing my balance, I stumble toward Katie.  No, wait.  Amy had pushed me.  I was so confused as to what was happening. 

Stop staring, Amy demanded, in a low whisper through her teeth.  

Everyone moved toward the car except the girls, staying by my side.

You were all staring, I defended.

We were staring at the car, Katie protested.

Oh.  My.  Gosh, I sighed, turning quickly to face away from the guys.  The girls watched me, their enormous smiles and eyes wide wanting an explanation.  My face felt like it was going to burst from the pressure of the heat inside my head.  Incapable of rational thought, I didn’t know what to say or even explain what I was doing or how I felt.  I was embarrassed and giddy beyond imagination.  More giddy than when I was six and went to Disney World for the first time.  My eyes shifted to Amy then Katie and back.

Calm down, Amy suggested.  OMG Victoria, you totally swooned, she knew I hated that acronym.  I was too distracted to call her out.

I took a few deep breaths.  My face was on fire.  Did anyone see me? I looked down from the utter embarrassment.

Pretty sure just us, replied an awestruck Amy.  You ok?

I laughed a hysteric sigh, not believing myself.  I don’t know, I truthfully responded.

Well, you’re not so flushed anymore.  Shall we go over and not be rude? she hinted.

I stood still. My legs tingled.  The girls grabbed my arms and dragged me along.

Wait, I stopped them, What do I say?

They looked at each other and then back at me.

Don’t say anything, Katie shook her head.

Amy pulled my sunglasses down from my head to hide my eyes.  We walked to the car.  The hood was up exposing the engine, but it was located where the trunk should have been.  Both doors were open.  There were only two seats.  Perfect, that’s all we needed.  I imagined climbing in the passenger seat and letting Josh drive me to the ends of the Earth.  My thoughts were interrupted by a cracking voice coming from Dad, saying something about horsepower.  I didn’t understand much of the conversation.  I heard, ‘supercharge’ and ‘Lotus Exige’.

Zero to sixty in four seconds, was the first thing Josh said. His voice was smooth and low.  I’ve heard it before but it was different. I was actually hearing it now, not just with my ears but somewhere in the deeper parts of my body.  Each syllable sang to me, relaxing my hysterics like a lullaby.  I let out a huge sigh.

Everyone stopped to look at me.  Amy, who hugged me around my waist, no doubt to support me if I fainted, spoke up, That’s fast, she squeezed me.

I was thankful she pulled my sunglasses over my eyes.  I just stared at him.  No, I gawked, and double checked my mouth to make sure it was still closed, gawked at him.  He was taller than all the others, giant next to his tiny little car.  I tried to bend him in my mind to figure out how he even fit inside it.  His face, I’d seen many times before, but I hadn’t ever noticed his prominent forehead and the nice shape of his eyebrows, for a guy.  His nose flared a little when he spoke and there were a half dozen or so faint freckles on top.  His eyelashes were thick.  I couldn’t make out the exact color of his eyes through my sunglasses and I must not have paid too much attention to ever notice before.  My goal for the day was to find out.  I was about to move my focus away from his face on to other areas when his voice alerted me again.

Do you want to take it for a spin? he asked.

My initial reaction was, ‘yes’ and I was very close to saying it aloud, until I realized he wasn’t talking to me.  I pried my eyes away from Josh and onto my very excited Dad who caught the keys and headed for the driver’s seat.  Josh closed the hood and turned to me, just a few feet away.

Victoria, is this cool? he questioned, in his delicious voice as I fell in love with the sound of my name.

Katie shifted into my line of sight behind Josh and I caught her mouth moving.  It took forever for my brain to register, but I figured it out, they wanted me to talk.  I opened my mouth just as he said it, again.

Victoria?

Yes, I’m sorry.  That’s fine, I managed, with much embarrassment before swallowing the lump in my dry throat.

He smiled with one side of his mouth and turned.  I watched closely, still wondering how he fit inside the car.  He climbed in, grabbed hold of the door, looked back at me and winked just before it shut.  I’m not sure if he winked because he knew I was totally infatuated with him or if he knew I didn’t think he would fit.  Either way, I came to the conclusion that he was completely attractive, had a delicious man voice, and better manners than my father.  The Lotus sped to the end of the cul-de-sac, turned around and headed down the street.

I have to go to the bathroom, Amy announced.  She still had her arm around me, so I guessed I was going too.  Katie hurried behind.  We went into my house and heard Mom making noise in the kitchen, so we rushed upstairs to my room.

So, Amy stared at me, awaiting a response.

So, what? I shrugged it off.  It was a blocking tactic to hide my embarrassment.

So, you have this giant crush on Josh, now, Amy accused.  This is her first crush, she told Katie.

Seriously? Katie responded, Not even like Daniel Radcliffe when you were twelve?

What?  Like Harry Potter? I criticized, removing my sunglasses.

You’re right, I was a dork, Katie admitted.  But seriously, you’ve never noticed a cute guy before and felt something?

No, I said, And I feel like a freak.  Thanks.

You are a freak.  This was supposed to happen, like five years ago, Amy noted.

So, what do I do now? I was still trying to figure myself out.

If you want to hook up with him, hook up with him, Amy said, casually.

You make that sound so easy, and I totally don’t know if I’m ready for that.  I looked at myself in the mirror. Katie and Amy moved behind me.  I sighed.  Do you think he likes me?

You’re Victoria Snow, Katie stated, as though it was supposed to mean something. 

I gave her reflection a blank stare.  I knew my name.  What did that have to do with anything? 

She rolled her eyes.  Just trust me.  He likes you.

I glared back.

Just go flirt with him see if he flirts back, Amy moved one of my stray hairs back into place.

I don’t know how to flirt, I stammered.

Katie laughed, You flirt all the time.

My eyes widened.  It was news to me.  With whom? I worried.

With most everyone, Amy said, like she was telling me I had an incurable disease.  Like Scott, for example.

I flirt with Scott? I was shocked.

A little bit, Amy confirmed, sarcastically.

It took me a minute, Oh.  But I never initiate it, I just play along.

You’re a big girl.  Go initiate it, Amy demanded.

And stop flirting with Scott, and don’t smile at everyone so much and stop being so, Katie hesitated, looking for the right word, Bubbly.

I ran my fingers through my hair.  It had dried.  The sun shone in my room, exposing the natural strawberry blond highlights.  I rested my sunglasses on the top of my head.  The roar of the Lotus startled us.  I sighed, again.  I would have to be more attentive of the things I said to whom, assuming I really did want to try to hook up with Josh.  That was scary to admit.  I had no idea what I was doing.

Is he still with Cassidy? Katie asked.

Check Facebook, Amy suggested.

I logged in and opened Josh’s profile.  He wore his blue, number 89, football jersey in his picture.  His hair was shorter.  It was taken the prior fall.  I blushed, reading that he was not in a relationship.

Hmm, I didn’t hear anything about that, Amy was offended.

Check Cassidy’s profile, Katie slyly added.

I’m not friends with Cassidy, I noted.  Cassidy Schultz was a cheerleader in our class.  I didn’t really know her and I was only Facebook friends with people I knew really well.  I didn’t want just anyone to have access to my pictures and stuff.

Amy suggested I send her a friend request.  I did and logged out.  Katie signed in and opened Cassidy’s profile.  Her profile picture was of her and Josh.  I narrowed my eyes at the sight of his arms wrapped around her.  It was taken at Junior Prom, a couple months prior.  I didn’t have a date.  No one asked me so I went with the rest of our group.  I was so pathetic.  I felt self-conscious and anxious at her relationship status that read, ‘It’s Complicated’.

Looks like Josh has a story to tell, Amy got excited.

Katie looked at her phone, We gotta go.

I hesitated.  Amy pulled my arm.  You’ll be fine.

But, I wasn’t so sure.  I hoped when I saw him again I wouldn’t act like such a freak.

We returned to find everyone hovering around the Lotus in my garage.  Dad insisted on parking it there, for safe keeping.  I stood near the back of the group to go unnoticed.  Amy reminded that we needed to get going.  Everyone headed out leaving Dad, Casey, Josh and me in the garage.

You just want to leave the keys here? Casey suggested.  Josh opened his mouth to respond, his lips looked soft and I really wanted to find out if they were.

Not a chance, Dad chimed, smacking Casey on the back of his head.  You two have fun, he said, before nodding at Josh and kissing my forehead.

Dad and Casey went inside the house as the garage door closed.  Josh followed me to the side door.  I felt him close behind me.  He grabbed my arm and spun me around leaving me dizzy as I looked up at him.

Hey, I’m sorry you had to wait, he apologized, in the most charming voice I had ever heard.  His eyes were blue.  No, wait, sapphire blue, like the deepest part of the ocean.  I swam in them so long my fingers had probably turned like raisins.

It’s alright.  You made my Dad’s day, I tried to keep my breathing regulated even though my heart beat at warp speed.  I shifted my gaze nervously over him so I wouldn’t be tempted to drown myself in his eyes.  He must have been at least 6’3 next to my 5’2.  The top of my head almost reached his shoulders.

Happy Birthday, Victoria, he whispered and smiled like he knew what I was thinking.  I hoped I wasn’t that transparent.

My mouth partially opened.  I closed it quickly so the drool wouldn’t escape.  After swallowing the excess spit, I meekly thanked him.  At that point, I didn’t care about going to the lake.  I would have been perfectly happy to remain in my garage with Josh for the rest of eternity.  Before feeling anymore awkward, I turned and headed toward the Navigator.  I felt more confidant knowing I could behave like a non-freak.  As we walked, I slowed my pace so he was next to me.  Everyone was seated inside the SUV.  I was scared, not wanting to sit next to him as I may have gotten the urge to touch him.  Luckily, Amy saved me a place in the back. Josh climbed in next to Scott on the middle seat.

It was 45 minutes to Lake Michigan.  We lived in a Grand Rapids suburb.  Katie put her iPod on shuffle.  A Celine Dion song started but was instantly protested.  Nick advanced it to a Jay-Z song and we were on our way.

I sat directly behind Josh.  His hair was a fraction of an inch too long, but even then, it had a nice shape.  I contemplated running my fingers through it.

Did you guys hear about Mandy and Jeff? Katie asked, from the driver’s seat.

Seriously?  Amy was intrigued, It’s about damn time.

Katie was best friends with Mandy Hiatt so her gossip was reliable.

They went out last night to a Whitecaps game and then showed up at Sonic and shared a Limeade.

The Whitecaps were a local minor league baseball team and Katie was a carhop at Sonic.  Mandy and Jeff had flirted for well over a year, but each was too reserved to make a move.   I was glad for them but Amy showed obvious disappointment.  She required a more dramatic story with a love triangle and a duel to the death.

Did Mandy ask him or did Jeff grow some balls? Scott wondered.

Katie looked at Nick, Neither.

I bought four tickets, Nick started, Katie invited Mandy and I invited Jeff and then we backed out at the last minute.

Katie went on about Mandy and Jeff but I was distracted by my phone.  I had a text.

FR: AMY STANDISH 10:42 am

Want me to ask Josh about

Cassidy?

She was obviously bored with the conversation.  I responded that I did.  Amy’s phone chimed to David Guetta’s, Sexy Bitch.  I watched her read my message and begin to plot.  I hoped her plan didn’t involve the reason for our curiosity in Josh’s relationship status.  Amy was notorious for stating what she deemed, ‘needed to be said’, though.  A minute later she yawned, loudly.  I nervously tapped my foot as her plot unraveled.

I didn’t sleep very well last night, she began, I had the weirdest dream.  I dreamt that I was in Biology and we were dissecting something, but no one would tell me what it was.  I kept asking everyone over and over and I kept pulling out more and more livers and intestines and lungs and brains.  Whatever it was, it had way too many pieces.  Then, Cassidy Schultz came in crying and said, ‘but that’s my cat’.

I cocked my head in Amy’s direction giving her my best, ‘what the hell,’ expression.  She was demented.

And then I woke up.  I wonder what it meant? she finished.

Lame, Amy, it meant you’re lame, Katie answered.

Ignoring the insult Amy asked Josh, Are you still with Cassidy?

She gives me nightmares too, he responded.

I couldn’t help it.  I let a burst of air escape me but stopped myself from going into a hysterical laughing fit by pretending to cough. Slightly euphoric, I cleared my throat.  My face was warm.

What happened, Josh? Amy needed the gossip.

She’s too clingy, he answered and then sighed.  She didn’t want me to come today.  When I accepted the invite, she got pissed off and told me I couldn’t go.

So you got pissed and told her bitch-ass to go, Scott pounded Josh’s fist.

Pretty much, Josh answered.

A wave of guilt swept over me.  It was my birthday outing, did I somehow cause it?  I didn’t understand.   Wait, you got in a fight with her because she didn’t get invited, because you could have totally brought her, I said.  Katie rolled her eyes in the rearview mirror.

It’s not your fault, Victoria, Josh shook his head, That’s not it, exactly.

I just don’t understand why she got mad, I admitted.

There was silence.  Josh turned to face me directly.  He tightened his mouth.  Cassidy is jealous of you, he explained.

Why? I asked, almost under my breath.  My eyebrows tried to touch each other in confusion.

Josh let out a breath that turned into a small laugh.  His cheeks rose slightly and then fell back into perfect place as he relaxed.  Then, he looked serious like he was about to tell me my dog died, if I had a dog.  Victoria, sweetie, he began, his voice soft, I’m going to tell you something, he paused, creating a nervous pit in my stomach.  You don’t realize how great you are.

Wow.  I didn’t expect anything like that.  He gave me chills.  My hands were cold but sweaty at the same time.  I open my mouth to rebut, but he cut me off.

You are by far the most, he paused.  The most what, stupid?  Attractive, sweet, caring, he hesitated, his cheeks turning pink.

Sexy, Scott added, stealing my attention.

Naive, Katie said.

Innocent, Nick corrected.

Annoyingly humble, Amy said, raising both eyebrows.

Perfect, Josh blushed, Girl I have ever known.  His Adam’s apple rose to the top of his neck and then slowly fell back into place.

My head shifted back and I stopped breathing.  I didn’t comprehend everything right away.  They were all far too generous, aside from Katie.  I realized I was naive.  The comments, sweet and caring, I tried to be, that didn’t mean I was.  I never felt attractive and I was definitely not sexy.  Innocent, yeah I was, I never had the chance not to be.  I shrugged humble off.  I wasn’t humble if they were wrong.  I lingered on perfect for a moment.  That was not the right word for me.  It was the right word for him.  I wanted to argue.  I didn’t like all the obvious attention, but I was too taken aback to speak.  My thoughts must have been transparent because he stopped me when I finally opened my mouth.

That was a compliment and you can’t object because it’s your birthday, and he smiled.

And we arrived.

Victoria Snow is not perfect. Mobile Upload

The sky was clear and blue.  It’s reflection on the water made it hard to tell where the horizon was.  The wind blew gently only allowing small whitecaps to reach the shore.  The weather was better than the previous year.  On my sixteenth birthday, I was stuck indoors during a thunderstorm and lightening knocked out the power.  We ended up at the Strayer’s because they owned a generator.

I loved the beach, the water, the sand, the sound of the waves rolling over one another.  It was massive with campers from the state park toward the south and a lighthouse perched upon an enormous cement slab toward the north.  Beyond the lighthouse was a boardwalk that led to a tourist trap town.  There were a few sailboats heading out and the beach was crowded with people.

Katie parked the Navigator next to Jeff Allen’s blue Ford Edge.  Jeff, along with the three additional members of what made up my closest friends, awaited our arrival.

Ryan Philips jumped out of the vehicle on a mission to open the door for his soulmate, Jessica Jones.  I could picture her waiting patiently, but expectedly for him.  Ryan and Jess had been a couple since eighth grade.  We had all become accustom to their mushy, lovey-dovey PDA.  They held hands everywhere they went, which reminded me of class trips in kindergarten.  Ryan always, without fail, opened doors and paid bills and would always order her food.  They sat next to each other in a restaurant even when they were alone.  If we were at someone’s house, they would cram themselves into one chair and sit the whole time, as comfortable as could be.  As her door opened, we all paused to watch Jess step out with her naturally tan legs that she acquired from her Guatemalan mother.

Why the fuck does scrawny assed Ryan Philips deserve that? Scott pondered.

It was a rhetorical question, of course, and the topic of many conversations.  Jess told us that Ryan was good in bed.  We were so used to seeing them together we didn’t notice on a daily basis, but every once in a while, their relationship made us step back and really wonder.  He must have been really good in bed.  Jess was short like me and Ryan was only about four inches taller.  He wasn’t unattractive but there really wasn’t anything especially attractive about him.  He didn’t have the build for sports like the three guys in the Navigator.  Jess, on the other hand, had the body to back up her spunky Latina attitude.  Strangers, especially guys, would always do a double take when they saw them together, wondering like Scott, how he got that.

I’m gonna be the first to hit that when they break up, Scott added.

It’ll never happen.  I bet they get married right after high school, Katie speculated, cutting the engine.

Nick kissed Katie on the cheek, Ryan can have her.  She’s too high maintenance.  Seriously, a cactus was too high maintenance for Nick.

Josh opened our door, got out and smacked Jeff on the back, all in one easy movement.  It must have been to congratulate him on going out with Mandy.  Jeff grinned while pushing his black rectangular glasses to the top of his nose.

Ladies first, Scott gestured for Amy and me to get out.

You just want to look at our asses, Amy accused.

Scott grinned.  As we got out, Amy smacked my butt to appease him.  I was instantly greeted by a hug from Mandy.

Happy Birthday, she whispered, leaning down to my level, Did you hear?

Katie told us, I whispered back, leaning away to see her round kidlike face sparkling and exhilarant.

Happy Birthday, Jess and Ryan said, in unison.  I acknowledged them with a teeth baring grin. They were disgustingly cheesy.

Joyeux Anniversaire, Jeff said, in a really bad French accent.  We took French together.  Jeff was super book smart, loved comic books and loved to draw, definitely the nerd of our bunch.  I think he was even a member of the chess club.  For all I knew, he was probably their president.  Jeff was a perfect match for Mandy Hiatt.

Merci, I responded.

We unloaded our stuff and claimed a spot halfway down the beach near the volleyball net.  Jess passed out the sub sandwiches. 

I’m sorry if any of these are wrong, my list of special directions was way too long, she disclaimed.  I made sure yours was right, Vic.

Scott handed me a red plastic cup with orange liquid inside.  Tell me if that’s too weak, he grinned.

What is it? I was skeptical.

Orange Gatorade and vodka, he answered.

I wrinkled my nose but remembered the conversation on the way.  Nick’s word: innocent.  What the heck?  Maybe it would tarnish my good reputation.  I’d only had alcohol a few times before.  I took a gulp and let the sting of the vodka escape my breath with a small cough.  It’s a little strong.

Want me to fix it? he reached for the cup.

No. It’s fine.  I took another sip, thinking