Sleuthing, British-Style

By Steven M. Moore

In these three short stories, US author Steven M. Moore pays homage to British-style mysteries. He started reading them long ago, and continues to do so, binge-reading novels and even entire series in the genre during the pandemic (many listed in his end notes). "Reading and writing save me!" he says in a recent blog post. "What do other people do?" Perhaps that's a question for new DS Logan Blake, who leaves the Met in London for peace and quiet in the English countryside but is instead welcomed by three murders most fowl.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Steven M. Moore
• Release date: Nov 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393964100

Steven M. Moore

If you’re reading this, thank you. Not many people find me...or recognize me as an author of many genre fiction novels. Maybe it’s because my name is too common—I thought once about using a pen name...and probably should have. Maybe it’s because I don’t get many reviews. (It's not hard to write one once you've read one of my books: just say what you like and dislike in a few lines, and why.) I know you have many good books and good authors to choose from, so I’m honored and humbled that you are considering or have read some of mine.You’re here on Smashwords because you love to read. Me too. Okay, maybe you’re here to give someone the gift of an entertaining book—that’s fine too. I love to tell stories, so either way, you’ll be purchasing some exciting fiction, each book unique and full of action and interesting characters, scenes, and themes. Some are national, others international, and some are mixed; some are in the mystery/suspense/thriller category, others sci-fi, and some are mixed-genre. There are new ones and there are evergreen ones, books that are as fresh and current as the day I wrote them. (You should always peruse an author's entire oeuvre. I find many interesting books to read that way.)I started telling stories at an early age, making my own comic books before I started school and writing my first novel the summer I turned thirteen—little of those early efforts remain (did I hear a collective sigh of relief?). I collected what-ifs and plots, character descriptions, possible settings, and snippets of dialogue for years while living in Colombia and different parts of the U.S. (I was born in California and eventually settled on the East Coast after that sojourn in South America). I also saw a bit of the world and experienced other cultures at scientific events and conferences and with travel in general, always mindful of what should be important to every fiction writer—the human condition. Fiction can’t come alive—not even sci-fi—without people (they might be ET people in the case of sci-fi, of course).I started publishing what I'd written in 2006—short stories, novellas, and novels—we’d become empty-nesters and I was still in my old day-job at the time. Now I’m a full-time writer. My wife and I moved from Boston to the NYC area a while back, so both cities can be found in some novels, along with many others in the U.S. and abroad.You can find more information about me at my website: https://stevenmmoore.com. I’m also on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorStevenMMoore; and Twitter @StevenMMoore4.I give away my short fiction; so does my collaborator A. B. Carolan who writes sci-fi mysteries for young adults. See my blog categories "Steve's Shorts," "ABC Shorts," and the list of free PDF downloads on my web page "Free Stuff & Contests" at my website (that list includes my free course "Writing Fiction" that will be of interest mainly to writers).I don't give away my novels. All my ebooks are reasonably priced and can be found here at Smashwords, including those I've published with Black Opal Books (The Last Humans) and Penmore Press (Rembrandt's Angel and Son of Thunder). I don't control either prices or sales on those books, so you can thank those traditional publishers for also providing quality entertainment for a reasonable price. That's why you won't find many sales of my books either. They're now reserved for my email newsletter subscribers. (If you want to subscribe, query me using [e-mail].)My mantra has always been the following: If I can entertain at least one reader with each story, that story is a success. But maybe I can do better than that? After all, you found me!Around the world and to the stars! In libris libertas!

Book preview

Summary

In these three short stories, US author Steven M. Moore pays homage to British-style mysteries. He started reading them long ago, and continues to do so, binge-reading novels and even entire series in the genre during the pandemic (many listed in his end notes). Reading and writing save me! he says in a recent blog post. What do other people do? Perhaps that’s a question for new DS Logan Blake, who leaves the Met in London for peace and quiet in the English countryside but is instead welcomed by three murders most fowl.

Preface

In this time of COVID, many of us feel safer entertaining ourselves at home. Some turn to streaming video; others to computer games. I’ve been reading more books.

In particular, I have been binge-reading what I call British-style mysteries—crime stories à la Dame Agatha Christie set in modern times (although some of the settings pre-date Christie’s time!). Superintendents, DCIs, DIs, DSs, and DCs go about solving heinous crimes, supported by their pathologists and SOCOs. When the going gets rough, a SCO19 is called in. (coppers from the Metropolitan Police, Police Scotland, and so forth, aren’t generally allowed to carry guns, but sometimes firepower is required because the bad guys often have them.)

Some of these crime stories are humorous and border on being cozies (not my cuppa, to put a fine point on it), but most deal with murder most fowl in a variety of forms, which isn’t terribly funny even when the story is intended to be, à la Molière and Hiaasen. Others are quite dark, probing beneath our thin veneer of civilization to find the darkness within women and men.

In either case, they usually make for excellent entertainment (although I’ve been swindled by a few clunkers—unscrupulous authors and publishers know they’re popular), but you have to get past the twists and turns of not only the plots but also of our across-the-pond brethren’s penchant for local English dialects (and Irish, Scottish, and Welsh ones as well!).

I lived in South America for more than a decade, and it always fascinated me that many versions of Spanish are spoken, often within the borders of a single country—the many nations of Spain add to that confusion. I was younger then, and a bit ingenuous, so I thought British English couldn’t possibly have such internal and interesting regional variations besides the clichéd old chap, petrol, bonnet, and other differences with American English. Yet I always had trouble understanding Boston and Texas dialects, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that there is such a wide variety of spoken English in the UK and the Irish Republic. Didn’t blokes like Henry Higgins manage to reform everyone so they’d speak perfect Queen’s English the same way the Académie Française has made French uniform across France? Of course, neither has happened—it’s a futile task— and everywhere regional variations in English are part of our modern life that make it all the more interesting.

In brief, I’ve experienced many of those variations in the British-style mysteries I’ve read. I’ve learned to love them as much as I enjoyed the stories. I’d like my compatriots here in the US to enjoy both these variations and stories too.

To that end, I thought I might offer some help along that line. You, dear readers, can consider this little collection of stories a celebration of British-style mysteries. My love for them started when reading Christie with a flashlight under the covers as a lad. Given that, I hope UK readers will not consider these stories as some form of Yankee cultural appropriation; I beg for your forgiveness because I’m bold enough to offer them to the worldwide public as an homage to the genre.

The reading steps to follow are simple: First, peruse my glossary of UK words and expressions. (Far from complete, of course.) You don’t have to remember them—there’s no quiz like in your first foreign language class—but you can get the flavor and then refer back to the list as needed. Second, read my stories, where I’ve tried to use each word or expression at least once (obviously I can’t cover the complete UK vernacular, and I might have unintentionally omitted some expressions, so Google might be your friend). Third, at the end of my tales, I’ll recommend some British-style mysteries, complete novels by other authors, even entire series, that I’ve particularly enjoyed (again, possibly not a complete list—I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately!). Some aren’t by UK authors, but they’re similar in style, just like my stories contained herein. I’m sure all their authors won’t mind the free publicity. You can read some reviews corresponding to these books or series at my website https://stevenmmoore.com. Just go to the blog and visit the Book Reviews and Mini-Reviews of Books archives (even the mini-reviews are longer than most you will find on Amazon).

Is this a silly undertaking? Probably. Consider it a celebration and homage, like I said, or one big, strange review of many books. The reading of these works helped me make this pandemic seem to pass more quickly. Maybe it will do that for you as well, especially if you read all the books listed here like I have.

r/Steven M. Moore

UK Words and Expressions

A

arse—you guessed it, and a bit stronger than the US version

Auld Reekie—Edinburgh, Scotland

B

barney—verbal skirmish

blaggard—scoundrel

bloke—guy

blues and twos—emergency vehicles, or patrol cars in general (for blue lights and two people, I guess)

C

car park—parking lot

chap—fellow, guy

chappie—fellow, guy

chat up—flirt

chin wag—converse (verb); conversation (noun)

CID—Criminal Investigative Department

copper—police person (man or woman)

D

DC—Detective Constable

DCI—Detective Chief Inspector

DI—Detective Inspector

DS—Detective Sergeant

do a runner—disappear

dosh—money (wad)

droll—boring, irrelevant

E

early dart—leave work early

eejit—idiot, fool, imbecile

F

fag—cigarette

fecking—not what you think, this just exaggerates or forms a superlative

fiver—five-pound note

flat—apartment, not necessarily a floor of a multi-family dwelling

FLO—family liaison officer (person who comforts family members of victims)

G

give stick—beat up, verbally or physically

gobshite—mean or contemptible person

gobsmacked—astonished, astounded (a gob was a wad of tobacco)

goolies—testicles

GP—General Physician

grass—squeal or rat on (verb); someone who does it (noun)

H

hire-car—rental car

I

Iron Lady—Margaret Thatcher

K

kerb-crawler—prostitute (UK’s kerb is the US’s curb)

knackered—exhausted

L

do a lie-in—sleep late

lorry—truck

M

mobile—cellphone

monkeys—500-pound note

MPs—members of parliament

N

NHS—National Health Service

nick—steal or arrest (verb); police station (noun)

niggling—trifling, annoying

nutter—crazy person

O

old chestnut—adage or saying

P

peckish—hungry

pillock—fool

pish-tosh—only a trifle

PM—prime minister

prat—a stupid or foolish person

publican—owner of a pub

R

rozzers—coppers

S

scarper—see do a runner

SCO19—Specialist Crime and Operations group (SWAT group in the US—I’m not sure what the 19 is for)

scrote—lowlife

SIO—Senior Investigating Officer

SOCO—Scene of Crime Officer (US CSI)

sod—annoying person (noun); deprecate or disparage (verb)

stunner—pretty woman

T

Taff—Welshman

takeaway—take-out

telly—television

tip—dump, junkyard

tipple—imbibe an alcoholic beverage; the imbiber is called a tippler.

toff—someone with an excessive air of superiority; a snob, aristocrat, or member of the landed gentry

trainers—sneakers (US East Coast) or tennis shoes (US West Coast)

trawl—search

W

Wellies—rubbers for the rain (from Wellingtons)

wrinklies—elderly people

Y

yob—rude or aggressive person

Part One: The Housekeeper

Chapter One

Logan Blake found a space in the car park where the sign said Visitors and left his old Morris there. He soon stood in front of the door to the one-floor flat he’d rented sight unseen—two floors if you counted its basement storage. He frowned as he heard one neighbor’s booming