Step In to the Light

By Holly Blackstone

A scene and shared experiences appear to bring Lily and Stuart closer together, so how does he manage to still keep her at arm’s length?

Disagreements lead to unfortunate consequences, startling revelations and then a decision. Is Lily right in thinking that when an ideal relationship is within arm’s reach, ‘pretty good’ just isn’t good enough? By risking everything, will she end up walking away empty handed?

This is the CONCLUSION to the Liliana Batchelor Series. It contains descriptions of BDSM related activities, and an instance of sexual assault. PLEASE – do not read this book if you might find this offensive.

110,000 + words with bonus material, including a series song list and an extended excerpt of “A World Away”, book 1 in “The Void Chronicles”, a fantasy erotica series.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Linlithgow Press
• Release date: Apr 7, 2015
• ISBN: 9780989191296

Book preview

Step In to the Light

Step In to the Light

Book 5 in Liliana Batchelor series

Holly Blackstone

Copyright

Step In To the Light

First Edition - Revised

Copyright © 2015, 2016 Holly Blackstone / Linlithgow Press

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-9891912-9-6

All rights reserved, except for the quoted and attributed excerpts by Heraclitus and Shelley. This book may not be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any electronic or print form without express permission. This is a work of fiction.

Cover art

Courtesy of Vasko Ltd. All Rights Reserved.

Notice:

This book contains explicit language and descriptions of sex and includes some instances of BDSM play. If any of this sounds offensive to you, please do not continue reading. This book is not meant to encourage or instruct the reader about a BDSM relationship, and is for entertainment purposes only.

All trademarked products referenced in this book are the sole property of their rightful owners.

This is a work of fiction; any resemblance to events past or present or to people living or dead is purely coincidental.

Acknowledgements

For anyone who has ever loved and been wounded -

For anyone who has had a great love affair despite tremendous obstacles -

For anyone who hoped for a happy ending, even in the face of signs to the contrary -

For anyone who has believed when most sane people would have given up -

This book is for you - always have faith.

Thank you for making it this far.

Xoxo,

Holly

Introduction

You would not discover the limits of the soul even if you travelled every road to do so; such is the depth of its meaning.

-Heraclitus

Content Advisory

This novel contains depictions of violence and sexual assault; if you believe this content may disturb you, please refrain from continuing.

Chapter 1

The plane has reached cruising altitude and Lily can hardly keep her voice calm. What do you mean we are going after Megan, Stuart?

Her stomach has been in a knot since he said those words in the car – the set to his jaw, the bright cast to his eyes and the tone of his voice had told her that he meant business and things were in motion that perhaps only a force of nature could thwart. Lily has an uneasy feeling that the next few weeks are going to be difficult, and she is not comfortable with the situation as it currently stands; Stuart seems like a man possessed, and now that she has encountered the beast – her mother – and with Stuart’s help eroded some of that negative power, the full impact of his actions and words over the past ten days or so have begun to worry her as she finally has a moment to consider them.

Stuart is standing up and his shirt is partly unbuttoned as he turns and paces over to the wet bar and retrieves a bottle of wine and some glasses. Just what I said, Liliana. We are going to go after Megan – get proof of her scheming, use it to pry her loose once and for all and hopefully trap the rest of the vipers in our net. He sits down across from her and opens the bottle with an intensity she has rarely seen before; he fills the glasses and offers her one. She finishes pulling off her shoe before she accepts it.

To our successful endeavour, he says and raises his glass.

Lily takes a sip, puts the glass down and takes a deep breath. I want to thank you, Stuart, for the assistance in managing my mother. I… appreciate that you saw through her act and helped me put a great deal of that to rest.

He sits back and appraises her, although Lily can see part of his mind is still occupied with taking Megan down. I was glad to be of service. When I overheard you speak to her in the car whilst we were on our way out that morning, I had an inkling of what we might encounter; I was not entirely prepared for her onslaught. She resents you, as you represent an extension of your father, but her ability to disconnect from reality and try to – in essence – prostitute your younger sister, well… it is rather sick. I’ve HEARD of parents becoming obsessed with the success of one of their children over propriety or anyone else’s needs, but I have never seen it firsthand. Hopefully that is all behind us now.

It is for that most part, I think, Lily agrees. She puts her glass down and gathers up the strength to push on, so we should deal with other matters. You are my lover, my future employer and my Dom…

And future husband.

But not yet. You… you did not have the right to read my diary!  Her hands are clenched and she places them on the seat on either side of her. You had absolutely no right; I did not give you permission…

Didn’t you? His wry look of amusement angers her.

No Stuart – you don’t have the right to every moment, every thought in my life. You can try to use the excuse that you wanted to know what was in my head but you could have just asked. With all that was going on, your injury, there was plenty to be occupied with. In case it hasn’t been clear to you – and I would have thought it would be abundantly obvious – you don’t have the right to rifle through my things and you are not entitled to know what I feel or think every moment for the rest of my life.

Are you quite done with your little speech, Liliana? He moves to sit beside her and puts his glass down.

Not when you give me that fucking attitude Stuart, no. She’s really angry now. These past few days have been intense; some of the edge play has been almost TOO intense…

But it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle.

I’m not sure that’s the case. Your possessiveness has ratcheted up and some of that is appealing - comforting maybe, exciting a little, but…

But what, my dear? You know I am an intense man – I warned you nothing is by half measure with me. He reaches to unbutton her blouse and she pulls away, which makes his eyes flash.

I don’t want to be distracted – by you, by our sex, by the dynamic of our relationship. I didn’t sign up for a Total Power Exchange, Stuart. I won’t…

Ah. Some more reading about the lifestyle. Good.

Yes. I know a little more now, have been trying to read a bit periodically so I can understand the subtleties of it. One thing I DO know is that despite admitting that you have sage advice periodically and wanting you to be my Dom, I have not relinquished everything over to you.

That paper…

I will NOT go to you for permission to see my friends. I will…

I am not dictating the minutiae of your life, Liliana; I am not a tyrant.

I am telling you that you overstepped a boundary with me, Stuart – and when I told you that you were amused! Just a moment ago it seemed as if you were trying to suppress a chuckle! This will not be one-sided. I admit you have far more experience than I ever will in BDSM, but for me, our relationship will not work if you insist on this.

So little Liliana has found her voice. Good – I’m glad. She looks puzzled for a moment. I don’t want an automaton, but there are some things I believe I am better acquainted with and when circumstances arise I use my best judgment to deal with the situation. I understand that you are telling me you didn’t approve of my methods.

Liliana narrows her eyes. Okay…

So message delivered.

I want your promise…

Really, Liliana? After all that has happened between us? I understand your concern, it has been noted and I will keep that in mind in future circumstances; I will NOT lose you, lover. He stares at her with intense determination for a moment before continuing.

I would like to chat with you about what is going to need to happen with Megan. I can’t express to you how important it is to me that this is resolved and she is finally out of my life – our life. Everything will be so much better once this is taken care of; we can move forward, begin our life together without distractions.

She looks at him carefully for a moment and then softens and sighs. Fine Stuart. It sounds like you have a plan… what is it? Lily asks the question with a great deal of trepidation.

Yes, I do. Oh… one moment. Stuart retrieves his cell phone from his pocket and after a brief pause, answers the phone. Yes George. … Right - I had forgotten about that. … Excuse me? I’m… gobsmacked. He glances over at Lily, and the look in his eyes makes her uneasy. She will be likewise I’m sure. There’s so much in work, we might as well have another log thrown on the pyre. … Quite. I’ll inform her – we’re still at least an hour away. … Yes. Goodbye George and thank you.

Why do I have a sinking feeling in my stomach? Lily whispers half to herself.

Yes - I’d forgotten to tell you the hearing with Nathan had been moved to the end of this week but it is immaterial now.

Why is it immaterial, Stuart?

Because he is gone; there’s been a twist, as they say. His girlfriend, Tara, the one who provided his alibi? They’ve broken up and she admitted she lied in her statement; they were not together at the time your house was broken in to and she has made a new statement that seems to imply he was the intruder at your home – not only that, it is likely he is the one who vandalised your Panamera. So the hearing is off and the police have now issued a bench warrant; he failed to show for the preliminary for the theft case NewTech is pursuing against him.

But… Jesus Christ, Stuart, this is almost worse!  We have no idea where he is at all!

Yes, and with Robert out on bail somehow, it should make for an interesting time, shouldn’t it?

Lily looks at him open-mouthed and she feels herself go pale. And we’re going to go after Megan still. Stuart… she looks at him cautiously, … you almost seem like you’re enjoying this.

I relish a good challenge, Liliana – you know that, he smiles brightly and it is nearly enough to chase her nerves away. We are finally facing things head on, which I enjoy much better than intrigue. You do not have to worry, my dear, he leans over suddenly and kisses her hard before pulling away. I will take care of you. He cradles her face in his hands and stares into her eyes. I would do anything for you, sacrifice anything.

That reassurance a few weeks ago would have merely warmed her heart but now it also gives her a twinge of unease; Stuart has been darker, more on edge and almost fanatically driven and determined, and she is the focus of much of his attentions. She knows things must be getting to him – they are giving her angst and weird dreams, and she isn’t in nearly as deep as Stuart is. His intensity has resulted in increasing sexual demands and a certain depth and possessiveness that seem to outstrip his previous displays of desire for her. She was shocked he didn’t put Erik, her childhood friend, in the hospital for what he did. The fact that Stuart brushed Erik’s unwelcome and drunken attack off was more alarming in some ways than the alternative.

And then Stuart leans in and kisses her, and it’s the sensual but lustful kiss of the Scottish countryside and Lily’s heart dissolves in her chest. She loves him desperately, irrevocably, and he has exhibited such patience and tenderness with her, cultivated her skills, and coaxed her away from her fears that she trusts him. It was something he earned from her, and this darkness… they will banish it together. Reading her diary, the almost ritualistic sex they had upon arrival in New Mexico, these are outlets for him, expressions of his concerns, his stresses. He overstepped and she corrected; she believes that line in the sand is clear and he understands her intent and boundaries. The more intense sex isn’t what is worrisome - the desperate possessiveness he has begun to express for her does, the nearly suicidal and resigned relish with which he approaches the upcoming conflicts with Megan and others; it is clear that very little –if anything – will stand in his way as he seeks a resolution to these battles, and she worries what the eventual cost will be. Stuart – consummate businessman, brilliant engineer – is formidable enough, but he has very clear ideas of propriety and how to conduct oneself and exist in society and operate. It is evident that he feels mortally threatened and any animal backed into such a corner, and then equipped with Stuart’s skills…

As his soft, skilled lips work magic with hers and his hands glide along the fabric of her shirt to undo the buttons, it is impossible to think of anything else but Stuart and how it feels to be part of him. Home, complete, loved – those are just some of the words that come to mind and Lily trails her fingers through his hair and sighs as she falls into that bubble that so alarmed her when they first chatted at length at the conference in Edinburgh. Being loved by Stuart – there’s nothing like it in the world.

His fingers now lightly trace her exposed skin and they leave a trail of fiery arousal in their wake. Stuart easily undresses her around their intensifying kiss; her shirt is off and her jeans are peeled down her legs.

Jeff, she murmurs around their kiss.

Cockpit, he answers and finishes removing her pants. She moves to unbutton his shirt but he shakes his head, still not breaking the kiss, and she allows her hands to drop as he finishes disrobing her. When she is naked, his hands begin to massage her breasts and she arches up into him, wishing her skin could touch his, that she could experience the comfort and reassurance that making love to him offers.

Lily yelps as Stuart sits back, pulling her onto him so she straddles his leg. She can feel his hard cock through the fabric of his trousers, and his mouth and hands both devour her. Her return kisses and caresses become more urgent and Stuart pulls back to watch her escalating desire as his right hand moves to between her legs, gently parts her lips and strokes her clit.

We’re going to do a scene with Lina, Stuart breathes against Lily’s neck and her eyes, which had been unfocused from arousal, suddenly sharpen. George and the team need time in Megan’s home when they know she isn’t about; Megan is consumed with jealousy of you, and Lina is interested… what better way to guarantee that Megan will be out of the house so that my men can enter, examine it, and turn the tables? His thumb rests on Lily’s button and he slips two fingers inside of her and she involuntarily gyrates on them.

Yes, beautiful Liliana – Megan will be captivated by the show we put on for her, he curls his fingers and begins to stroke her g-spot. You’re fucking beautiful, lover – it’s going to drive that bitch crazy to see you, see us. Oh, you like that, don’t you, pet? The fingers inside of her are pressing and rubbing in circles and it’s almost more than Lily can stand; she is so aroused she grabs onto Stuart’s shirt and throws her head back. He laughs.

I could watch you all day; someday soon it will be like this all the time, my dear… just you and me and the world and our whims open and available to us. Whatever you want, you can have it – I’ll give it to you. He kisses her throat seductively and she shudders on his fingers. Just tell me, lover.

Just… you. Her body is tightening in anticipation of release and his left hand grips powerfully around her waist and holds her as he extracts his fingers from her pussy and tastes them.

So lovely. This will be your last orgasm until the scene Wednesday evening, but I think you should work for it. Lily looks at Stuart a moment as her body twitches against his leg in anticipation of the climax that is now slowly receding from her.

That’s right Liliana, the hand at her waist pushes her down against his leg and her swollen tissues rub against his jeans, causing her to gasp. She blushes and looks almost horrified, but Stuart kisses her hotly and holds her against him. Come lover – get yourself off. It’s the last time before Wednesday.

Please Stuart, Lily begs. The idea of fucking his leg to get off is humiliating, even if in some way his control and direction is arousing.

I want to watch you fuck yourself on me, he leans forward, nips at her nipple and Lily involuntarily rubs along his leg, which makes her groan. She moves to push off of Stuart but he grabs her wrists and pushes them behind her back.

Don’t you want to come, my dear? he asks almost innocently and pulls her nipple between his teeth. These will be so sensitive once they’re pierced, lover - it will be amazing.

Lily murmurs, ‘maybe’, as she begins to move against his leg and he licks and nibbles on her darkened and crinkled areolas, switching from one breast to the other. That’s it, what an obedient girl you are, he pauses to tickle her neck with his tongue before sucking on one of the numerous erogenous zones that dot her throat. It only makes her motions against his leg speed up and she leans forward and kisses his throat before he pulls her arms back, straightening her.

You’ll attend to me in a moment; right now I want to enjoy the show. Look at me as you fuck yourself on my leg, he commands and although she blushes, Lily turns her gaze to his face. You’ve come such a long way, pet; I’m so proud of this, how far on the road you’ve traveled for me. With his free hand he fondles her right breast and takes the left one in his mouth and suckles hard, which makes her motion speed up. You’re a little slut on your Master’s leg, making yourself come, aren’t you? Now come Liliana, come NOW, lover. With a pull on her nipple and squeeze of her breast she throws her head back and moans as she comes, riding out her climax with a few additional thrusts against Stuart’s leg that make her whole body shudder and her breath come in pants.

He releases her hands and she falls into him, kissing and licking his throat as he puts a hand around her back possessively.

They’re so intense aren’t they, pet? Shh. He kisses her hair and strokes it for a moment as she comes down off her high. Now it is my turn, my dear.

Lily slips to the floor and opens his pants, allowing his hard cock and swollen balls to fall out of his jeans. After reverently kissing and licking them both leisurely, Stuart growls and she sets to work, taking him into her mouth while fondling and stroking him. His hands tangle in her hair and press her onto his shaft and she can tell he is already close; her little display on his leg must have aroused him quite a bit. It is difficult to not knock her teeth against his piercing when he is so intent and earnest, but Lily manages her best until she feels his fingers tighten against her scalp, his cock pulse in her mouth before he moans, Take it all, and empties himself into her.

When he is done he slumps against the back of the seat and pulls Lily up so she curls on his lap. I always feel better when we are intimate, connected, he sighs contentedly and Lily nods. I think you will enjoy this scene with Lina, my dear.

I’m nervous, Stuart. This is all sudden, and with a woman, and Megan watch…

Hush. He kisses her quickly. You were turned on at the Powerhouse, and you are a bit curious about women; I will be with you, in control of the scene. This is just an experience you and I are having together with another player and an observer; it is nothing more than that, just something we will share. There is no need to be nervous – this isn’t an examination, Liliana. We are simply exploring something together, which is exciting, isn’t it? He smiles and kisses her hair again, pulling her tightly to him as she nods. The fact that she has a lover who is so comfortable sexually and open to things is thrilling, and gives Lily permission to be curious about various dynamics and circumstances.

When they are basking in this post intimacy glow it is easy to minimise the events of the past few months, think it is all part of something distant, events that other people have to endure. Stuart’s heart is strong and steady in his chest, his demeanor is assured and his tender kisses and loving caresses against her skin make Lily relax against his body and nearly drift off.

Too soon it seems she has to dress as they near Seattle. It is late afternoon and the sky is the colour of an old blackboard, the slices of slate clouds interspersed with contrasting snatches of pale orange rays. The brightness does nothing to cheer; things seem solemn for some reason, and Lily has to suppress a shudder as she finishes buttoning her shirt. The approach of the holidays and the serious business ahead must be affecting my mood, she thinks, and sits down to slide her shoes on.

How are George and everyone else going to get in to Megan’s apartment? That’s B & E, Lily finally ventures as she laces her boots.

I have a key, he says and the answer makes her look up suddenly. Megan gave me one a long time ago; so no, it’s not breaking and entering.

How do you know she hasn’t changed the lock? Lily stands and bends over to adjust her jeans over her shoes.

I just know, Liliana. Since they have a key, we won’t be violating any laws upon entering, and if – when – we find information, Megan won’t dare challenge us regardless; how can she prove anything? It will be our job – and Lina’s – to keep Megan occupied for at least a few hours so that George and the boys have an opportunity to go through her things and do what they need to. Lina has arranged for Megan to arrive about twenty minutes before we do, to ensure…

Wait. How did you know I would say yes? And how did Lina manage to convince Megan to do this? I want more, Stuart. Please.

The engines change their pitch and Stuart seats them, buckles Lily in and then twists to face her. Megan is keeping things too close, and there is only so much Lina can do with regard to investigating; she’s not trained, for starters, and is incurring a great deal of risk. Apparently Megan has become obsessed with you, and wonders what you have done to put me under such a spell…

How about I’m not psychotic and I love you?

Yes, he laughs, "There are those things. Well, Megan has been trying to get information out of Lina, who passed that tidbit along to me, and I realised that Megan’s obsession was a weakness; I asked Lina to intimate that we had discussed doing a scene together - the three of us – to see what Megan’s reaction would be. When Megan heard this she apparently was near hysterics and demanded to somehow be there; it was such a perfect opportunity, one that could not be passed up.

As you probably gathered from previous conversations, Megan is bi-sexual, and I have done scenes with her and other women; she will be absolutely beside herself that her two obsessions – you and I – are doing a scene with Lina. It will be torture for her to just watch, but it is something she would never, ever, want to miss. It was just perfect.

The plane begins to descend towards Boeing Field. Did you ever do a scene with Lina and Megan?

Yes.

She can tell by the terse answer that isn’t all. More than once? Intense stuff?

Yes to both, Liliana. Also with Sybil, Megan’s best friend, who has been out of the country for the past six weeks or so, holidaying in warmer climes; she’s a trust fund child. All those memories will come flooding back to Megan as well, and make for a powerful mix of emotions, I am sure. Depending on how much time the scene takes and taking into account travel, the team should have about two and a half to three hours at Megan’s home, which isn’t perhaps as much as we would like, but four men can do a lot in that amount of time. He smiles at her but the effect doesn’t reach his eyes entirely.

It’s personal now, isn’t it? That sounds stupid. Lily pauses and frowns for a moment before continuing. It was personal before – worrying someone close to you was obtaining information and passing it along but now something has changed in you, Stuart.

"It has all escalated, Liliana, and I tire of it, of the games… I know Phil has a hand in things and Megan has been stringing Robert along and playing Phil; she doesn’t realise how dangerous Phil is and how incredibly shrewd he is. He pulled you away whilst I was drugged and stabbed, and I’m beginning to wonder just how far he would go to gain Watson and Dickson; frankly, I would put little past him. I believe he meant to rape you that night – hurt me through you, while I was rendered incapacitated by their drugs. I don’t believe he will hesitate to toss Megan aside once her usefulness is done, and Megan herself is a wildcard; once she finally realises her cause is lost I don’t believe she will handle it well. She is unstable, lacks discipline, and is used to getting her way.

So yes, Liliana, things have changed - they have become more desperate; we need to take care of the matters ourselves and not wait for them to resolve – otherwise the situation might end up being quite dangerous. But we’re almost down.  The team has swept the house for bugs once more and it is still clean – you can speak freely there, but I believe caution is in order. If it’s something urgent and sensitive the cigar room or play area are the best, because access to them is even more restricted.

Alright Stuart… what do we need to do to get ready for Wednesday?

Besides you being the most seductive you’ve ever been in your life? The hungriest? Relax, and let the events flow over you; take it for what it will be – a sensual experience.

Chapter 2

Lily spends Monday attending to laundry and errands, and midday at lunch she pulls out her phone to catch up on email and finds a surprise one from Janet.

Lily-

Was wondering if you were heading to Idaho for the wedding this Saturday; would love to go with you. Girls weekend? Love, Janet

She shakes her head as she types a quick text in response, hoping to catch Janet when she’s not in class.

Wedding? Whose? Was out of town seeing my mom and I seem to be behind in everything. Love, Lily

Her phone rings a minute later and Lily answers it, even though she normally hates talking in a restaurant.

Hi Janet, she whispers and takes another bite of food. I’m having lunch, but I know you’re probably on break.

Yes, I am – I have fifteen minutes. Claudia from U of I is getting married this weekend. She was in the Women in Engineering group with Lily and lived on Janet’s floor in the dorms.

Oh! Really? And you’re invited?

We both are – didn’t you get the invite?

No… Lily thinks for a moment. But Stuart’s not been well, my mail was forwarded and we were just in New Mexico.

You still should have it by now… Janet replies.

Lily doesn’t know how to answer. You’re going?

Yep - was hoping you planned to as well.

Are you flying?

I was going to drive. I… I won’t lie, Lily – it’s been a difficult few weeks. I moved out, was looking forward to getting away over the weekend.

She pauses a moment before answering, stunned by the revelation. Even if Stuart can’t go I will. Hello roadtrip! she manages with levity which makes Janet chuckle, although tensely.

Thank you, Lily, she whispers earnestly and it makes Lily tear up.

You know I can’t turn down a road trip, Janet. You don’t have any late classes on Friday, so should I pick you up around one? If Stuart can go after all that would be great – if I get the invite. You’re SURE I got one?

I chatted with Claudia; sent in my RSVP weeks ago – she called Friday, asked why she hadn’t heard from you one way or the other. She only had your number at the townhouse, didn’t have your cell and has been swamped… understandably.

Hmm…

It’s a bit of a quick wedding… her fiancé is transferring to Europe for a job, so things have been hectic.

Wow. Sounds like I’ve missed a lot. I’m happy for her – that sounds exciting.

Are you okay, Lily?

I’m just… tired. Seeing my mom and all – you know what that’s all about. It’s draining. Lily can hear a bell in the background.

Listen Lil, I…

Go to class, Janet. We’ll touch base later, k? Get the details concrete. Love you.

Thanks Lily. I love you too. And I’m sorry. About last time. Gotta go.

Liliana finishes the rest of her meal quietly - trying to go through her email doesn’t prove to be very productive because she is distracted. So Janet has moved out of the house… what happened with her and Louis? She didn’t begrudge Claudia her happiness but wishes her own life was a little more straightforward. Stuart is going to probably be pissed that she wants to go to Idaho, and she’s not sure if he’s going to insist she not go because of Nate going AWOL or if Stuart is going to want to come along. It would be nice to have some girl time with Janet – things were probably bumpy with Louis when they had lunch and that was why Janet was out of sorts – so it would be great to patch things up.

Now that the nerves relating to the New Mexico trip have been dispelled, she is at a loss. She is supposed to be starting at W & D at some point soon, so she can’t really go and solicit new work, and Dan sent her an email that he has had a family emergency so he is out of town. The fact that she doesn’t have a great deal to occupy herself with means that she is thinking a lot about Wednesday and that simply won’t do.

She decides to make dinner and go shopping; Carl has been trailing her at a respectful distance and even insisted she could have lunch alone which she appreciated, even if she did adore Carl.

A lot has happened for her to think about; she feels liberated from her mom, and as a result the nagging, critical voice that constantly chided her seems completely absent – it’s almost as if she is a new woman, empowered.

She understands a bit more of Stuart’s frustration; Lily senses she’s come into her inheritance in a way and hates the things that are blocking her happiness. At the same time she is beginning to feel a bit of chafe from Stuart’s ways. Although she told herself she forgave him for reading her diary, it still bugs her; she feels she has had little time to prepare mentally for this scene with Lina, and frankly – after all she has learned – Megan is a bit threatening. She knows Stuart isn’t telling her everything about when they were married - or is shielding her - and it is frustrating. Lily thinks Megan is capable of almost anything and she would feel better equipped if she knew the truth – the WHOLE truth – about their relationship.

On the way home Lily stops at the grocery store to pick up a few things to make supper – veal marsala and pasta aglio y olio, another of her favourites. Stuart has been uncharacteristically quiet today and she wonders if he is as nervous about the scene on Wednesday as she is… Lily doubts it. She has never done anything with a woman before and wonders what his expectations are; she also realises she will be getting a glimpse into Stuart’s life before he met her – the sexy, wealthy bachelor with women at his beck and call. Lina was a lover, and despite everything she feels an odd pang and wonders again why they never hooked up in a more permanent way. The old doubts want to creep back in, the ancient worries about why he has chosen Lily but to her surprise, she is able to brush them aside reasonably well. Stuart regularly states he wants her, not anyone else, and aside from the undisclosed ‘deal’ with Lina early in their relationship, she has never had a cause to doubt him. His reticence about Megan is still a trouble lingering in the back of her mind, but that relationship was painful, and who wants to revisit painful things with regularity? Won’t getting Megan finally out of the picture just remedy that once and for all anyway? Lily can’t change his past, no matter how much she might wish to, and perhaps his bad experience with Megan has given him perspective he would otherwise not have.

It’s cold today, and Lily almost thinks it threatens to snow. The contemplative nature of the weather and the dearth of concrete things to do have left her restless – she’s hoping cooking supper will alleviate that feeling.

She pauses unpacking her groceries to text Stuart and ask him how his day is; it’s still relatively early, and she decides to write in her diary before starting on prep.

Lily retrieves the book from her drawer; knowing that Stuart has touched it, read it, makes her purse her lips and frown as she hunts around for a pen and settles in her ‘office’ at the drafting table. She writes at length about the trip with her mom, and relating the events doesn’t leave her with quite as sharp a pang as it usually does.

She tries to cover all the important portions of the trip without engaging in too much detail about the sex parts, but it’s difficult. The memories are too intense, the feelings and slight discord over it all too near still for her to really want to explore anyway, and she doesn’t want to take the chance that someone – not just Stuart – could read the entry.

It takes a