Pride & Dignity

By Alastair Neil

Based on fact, the powerful story of Ben and his father Jack, who have the strongest of bonds, but are torn apart by the most unconventional and heart wrenching of choices.
'Pride', will take you into their lives, their family, work, conflicts, highs and lows. But Jack has problems of the severest kind. He is facing the most ultimate challenge, and from the most ruthless opponent.
'Dignity', Jack faces his adversary, knowing he cannot defeat it, but can he stop his enemy from gaining absolute victory. Will Ben help when Jack's request tears him between his moral principles and his absolute love for his father?
This amazing story will subject you to the extremes of emotion as you journey with these remarkable people in their lives and share their ultimate crisis. You will, I'm sure, get involved in the strong debate on one of the most thought provoking, current and topical of issues as presented by the characters.
Possibly the most tragic story of the decade, get ready for one of the saddest and most emotive stories ever told!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Alastair Neil
• Release date: Aug 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393247685

Book preview

Part One

PRIDE

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[definition - feeling of self-respect and personal worth, satisfaction with your achievements, trait of being spurred on by a dislike of falling below your own standards]

Chapter One

Last week

Approaching the door to his hotel room in his numb and dazed state, Ben glanced at the door next to his, the room that had been his father's over the last five days or so, and he kept his emotions in check, not wanting to breakdown. Opening his own door,  he made his way to the window and stood, hands in pockets, looking down at the busy street below, and wondered why all the people who were busying themselves with their jobs and shopping could be carrying on as if nothing had happened a few hours earlier, didn't they know a great man had just passed away? He watched them as they scurried in and out of the shops, stopping and chatting and exchanging pleasantries, and then he realised that across the world, every second of every day, people die, thousands every day, and yet the world carries on like those people were never even in existence, never needed, never required, and never noticed. 'I needed him and I will miss him, it's such a cruel and heartless world' thought Ben, 'why aren't they suffering with this tragic loss to the world of such a great man?' Ben realised he was still quite numb from the day's events, and was probably in a mild form of shock.

Ben slumped onto the edge of the bed, totally drained from all the tension of the day. He needed to sleep, but he knew that even though sleep would bring a brief respite from this desperately miserable situation,  he would have to wake up later and realise it was still a reality and face it all again, and the thought was not appealing. It was then he noticed the white envelope laid on the pillow of his made up bed. Written in ink on the front of the envelope was 'Ben' in his father's unmistakable writing. Ben tentatively reached for it, perplexed as to how and when it got there,  he opened its seal and took out the hand written letter, again in his father's handwriting.

Dearest Ben,

By the time you're reading this, I'll be gone, and I will have found out if I'm right or wrong about all the religious stuff. If I'm wrong, then at least I'll be with your mother again, my wonderful Evie. If I'm right, then, I told you so! Then I'll just be fast asleep, but out of pain, at last.

Thank you for being there for me, and supporting me the way you have through this mess. I know as I'm writing this that you will have done good today. Through this whole terrible time you helped me to keep my pride and my dignity, and I am eternally grateful to you for that.

I've sorted everything with the hotel, it's all paid up and my passport and wallet are in an envelope in reception and they will give it to you when you check out tomorrow.

It's a fair bit of travelling for you, as we found out the other day, so you get going, back to your family, our family, and give them all a great big hug from me and tell them I love them all, very much.

And pop in to see Harry, the lawyer, he's got all my Will and stuff, and he'll help you through all the administration of my affairs.

I am so very sorry you've had to go through all this Ben, I would never have willingly put you through any of this if it had been my choice. I would have loved to have been there to see you go from success to more success in your life, and loved to have watched the children grow up to be fine young people, as I know they will be with yours and Jennifer's wonderful parenting and guidance. There is so much I would have loved to have seen, so you see it for me instead, and enjoy every minute, life is precious, as now we realise.

You have made me the proudest Dad ever, you have been the most wonderful son a Dad could ask for, you have learnt so much and achieved so much, but then, you had a damn good teacher!

Be happy Ben, my son, always, live your life to the fullest possible, laugh, love, and enjoy, and just..........carry on, and keep going.

I love you Ben, so very much......

Your loving Dad

Jack  X

Ben read his father's letter three times and then he cracked, the grief overcame him and he started sobbing, like a dam which had burst, he let it all out. For nearly half an hour, Ben sobbed and sobbed, with the finality of it all, the emptiness he felt and the realisation that he would never see or talk to his wonderful father ever again, his father had actually 'ceased to exist', he would never look upon that kind face and see him smiling anymore. It was well and truly over, his beloved father, the man who had taught him everything, the man who had guided him all through his life and shown him such strength and wisdom, and who had loved him without reservation and cared for him with all his heart, was dead.

Clutching his father's handwritten letter, laying on his side, almost hyperventilating with his sobbing, Ben stayed in that position for what felt like hours until he fell into a deep sleep until very early the following morning.

Waking to the early morning light, Ben took a few seconds to recognise his surroundings, such was the depth of his sleep. He looked at his watch and it was just gone six am, and he was still lying sideways, fully clothed, in exactly the same position he had laid down the previous evening.

Once Ben was aware of where he was, and feeling the letter still clutched tightly in his hand,  he was aware of his father's death once more, and this brought an instant veil of darkness over him. He lay on the bed, going over the events of the previous day, trying to comprehend that in the late morning he was sitting at the edge of the lake with his father, and a few short hours later, his father was dead. It was so much to take in and understand, but Ben was starting to slowly accept what had happened, the reality of it all slowly sinking in.

Ben showered, and went to the reception desk which had just opened in the small hotel. He was given a large envelope which his father had left there the previous morning and told he could continue using his room until midday, which suited Ben as that was the time the taxi was collecting him. Once he had sat at the breakfast table Ben opened the envelope and glanced inside to see his father's passport and wallet, and he quickly closed the envelope again and put it to one side, not ready to face it just yet.

After breakfast he went to his room and wanted to telephone Jennifer, who must be anxiously waiting for news from Ben, but it was only three am back home, so he decided to ring her from the airport when he arrived at Amsterdam later.

In the taxi to the airport at midday, he couldn't help but feel he was leaving something behind, his subconscious nagging him that someone should be sitting alongside him as he embarked on his long journey home.

Luckily for Ben, his flight for his first leg of the journey to Amsterdam was on time and went smoothly, and after a two hour wait in Amsterdam and he boarded the large Boeing aircraft for the long flight home, he found that due to a lack of customers travelling in first class, the seat immediately next to him was empty. Whilst Ben didn't wish for a travelling companion, the emptiness of the seat was a further reminder of someone who should have been sitting there, but wasn't, and this brought fresh feelings of heartache to Ben. Luckily he managed to sleep for a few hours of the nine hour flight.

Due to the six hour time difference, Ben's flight touched down at the international airport in his home state a little after nine pm, and he rushed through security and passport control and straight out and into a taxi for the short final leg of the journey to his home and family, and he needed to get there, to be with the people he loved, to remedy his intense feeling of loneliness and emptiness.

Shortly after ten pm that evening, Ben walked through his backdoor to find Jennifer sitting on her own at the dining table, an untouched glass of wine in front of her,  her face red and blotchy, a sure sign she'd also been crying. Ben dropped his case by the door and quickly walked over to his wonderful wife and threw his arms around her and they held each other tight for over ten minutes, not saying a word to each other, just being together, holding onto each other.

Without speaking, hand in hand, they climbed the stairs to their bedroom, and went to bed, still holding each other tightly as sleep overcame them.

Chapter Two

10 months earlier

Ben smiled, enjoying the feeling of utter peace and tranquillity as the sun reflected off the water in a thousand  stars that late afternoon. The regular, gentle slapping of the water against the varnished wooden hull of the rowing boat, sitting out in the middle of the mile wide lake was hypnotising. The smell of the perfectly fresh air across the lake was exquisite. Everything was right in his world at that moment. He had just caught his nearly best weight bass on the lake,  having let the fish play for over half an hour at the end of the line, and had finally reeled him in and realised it was a good catch at what had to be 8 lbs or more. Jack, his beloved father, patted him on the back, smiling as he congratulated him, Well done, son, a good one, again

Ben and Jack never competed against each other, they just wanted to make the other one proud of their achievements, and were genuinely pleased for the other when they made a good conquest, no matter what the subject was, fishing, hunting, or securing a good deal on the real estate ‘sell and buy’ business they ran together, or even just cooking a culinary dish that exceeded all expectations for taste and presentation.

That's going to taste good on the bbq later Ben exclaimed, unable to hide his satisfaction and pride.

It sure is Ben, it sure is Jack responded whilst casually scanning the surface of the lake, an action not unnoticed by Ben. Jack was normally so enthusiastic about their fishing, working himself into a frenzy of excitement before each trip out on the lake, and even though he was wearing his usual 'fishing wear' of his sleeveless padded jacket with all his hooks and fishing lures attached, today, he was distant, preoccupied. 'Maybe he's having an 'off day' thought Ben, not wanting to spoil the moment by asking Jack if all was ok.

Jack was generally happier in the last six months after losing Evelyn,  his wonderful wife of forty four years, two years previously, which had sent him to the depths of despair and grief for the first year. Ben, despite the tragic loss of his devoted mother, felt at peace with the world at this moment, having recovered from his mother's death sooner than his father. Seeing Jack smile was everything to Ben, who loved his father as much as he did his own child.

Jack and Ben were more than father and son, they were best friends, they did everything together, they consulted each other on just about every decision, be that in the workplace or home, they were inseparable. And they both were each other's 'heroes'.

Ben started to row slowly back to the pontoon in silence, slicing through the flat, mirror like surface of the lake, the warm evening temperature causing the damsel flies to flick back and for across the surface of the water creating a haze on the surface of the water, in turn making the ever hungry fish of the lake pop their heads up to catch the flies in motion.

As he heaved on the oars, Ben watched his father sitting at the stern of the long row boat, again looking across the lake. Jack was now in his mid sixties, a few inches shorter than Ben's six foot height, but Jack was still of a strong and solid build but starting to show his age with his thinning and almost white hair and fleshy and slightly worn round face with those large kind brown eyes of his, the faint map of wrinkles told of his life's journeys, his eye lines told of laughter, of warm smiles and affection, his forehead told of worries past and present.  Ben looked for any signs as to why Jack was so seemingly distant this perfect evening, but without asking him outright, he could not tell, and he let it go, for the moment.

Tying the boat to the pontoon, they retrieved their fishing gear out of the boat. From where they stood, they could see Jennifer in the garden of Jack's lakeside cottage, getting the table set in the garden for the evening's bbq.

She looked the picture of happiness, a beautiful girl in the peak of her femininity at 33 years old and now 6 months pregnant. Emma, their 4 year old daughter was charging back and forth in the garden pretending to ride an invisible pony, her head just visible above the low white picket fence as it bobbed up and down in time with her 'pony's trot'.

Ben watched as Jennifer leaned over the large thick wooden outside dining table, carefully placing the four place settings for their forthcoming meal.  He was in awe as he saw, yet again, the radiant beauty in his wife, her long chestnut coloured hair, some loose wisps highlighted to almost blonde in the strong evening rays of sun, her almost semicircular tummy, protruding from her strong yet slim figure. The soft smile on her lips, demonstrating her happiness and contentment too. 'I've got it all, it's all just so perfect' thought Ben. And he did have it all, at 34 years old, married to Jennifer, his sweetheart from high school who was expecting their second child, a brother to their now four year old daughter.

In partnership with his father Jack for the last eleven years in the successful real estate business that Jack had started forty two years ago which despite peaks and troughs in the property market, and some fierce competition, had become established as the 'go to' real estate agent for anyone wanting a good honest deal, be that selling or buying. Jack and Ben's professionalism and renowned honesty in their field had earned them the reputation of being the best, and even the large home building companies were coming to them to act as agents to sell their developments of newly constructed homes. Business was good, and profitable.

I hope you caught something for our supper shouted Jennifer with her ever present laugh. Jack held up his catch,  Oh dear lord, that's going to feed the five thousand! exclaimed Jennifer seeing the huge fish, You'll have to prepare it please, you know I can't face that bit.

No problem, I'll sort it right away, how you feeling honey?

I'm ok, a few twinges now and again, but nothing to worry about 

Only a month earlier Jennifer had spent a week in hospital after severe pains in her abdomen. After extensive tests, nothing had been found, and the baby was safe and doing well they were told, as well as firm instructions for Jennifer to take it easy and not do anything strenuous. Now as careful as Jennifer was, avoiding lifting anything even remotely heavy, or bending too far, Ben was always watching out for her, making sure she didn't forget her limitations.

Jack, as usual, cleaned all the fishing gear with the garden hose then wiped everything dry before oiling the mechanisms on the reels and stowing all the gear away in the under stairs cupboard, with all the other sporting equipment. Grabbing two beers out of the fridge, he took in all colourful salads Jennifer had prepared and put on the dining table. 'Always an expert in the kitchen'  he thought as he surveyed the rice salads, the pasta salads, the green salads and the potatoes still steaming under the glass lid of the pot they sat in, cooked to perfection with those gorgeous mix of herbs she always sprinkled over them, giving them the taste of foods from far away foreign countries, a delightful taste Jack always indulged in.

He made his way to the utility room where Ben had the huge bass laid out on the marble slab, installed for just this purpose. He watched Ben expertly fillet the fish, removing the head, tail and all the main bones leaving two thick steaks of moist tender white meat. Jack marvelled at Ben's skill at doing this, he had shown Ben how to do it when he was just twelve years old, and Ben had watched avidly, taking in all the steps and eager to have a go himself. By the end of that summer, Ben was filleting all the catches from their fishing expeditions, and doing it like a long standing fishmonger, despite the few slips with the razor sharp filleting knife, the cause of a few deep and very painful slits in his fingers.

As soon as Ben had finished cutting the fillets into smaller steaks and wiped his hands, he gratefully took the cold beer from his father.

You are an expert at that Ben, you must have had a good teacher he said winking at him and squeezing his shoulder. Ben smiled at the man who had taught him virtually everything he knew, the man who doted on his son and took the time and patience to show him how everything worked, and how to fix it when it stopped working, from his bicycle as a child, to household electrics and plumbing, and even how to build a log cabin, as they both had in the huge garden of the lakeside cottage they were standing in. The log cabin, beautifully crafted from interlocking and equally sized pine logs taken from the nearby woods, was a guest cabin, but rarely used these days, and now used to store old furniture and belongings no longer in use.

Ben took the fish, now coated with his secret selection of herbs and spices, out to the bbq that Jennifer had lit as soon as she saw the men arriving at the pontoon earlier, it was now red hot and ready to cook on. Jack sat at the large thick wooden dining table, one of the first things he had built when he bought the lakeside cottage years before after a very profitable deal had come through. As usual he secretly admired his handiwork, running his hand over the wood,  feeling the thickness it, the barely visible joints running the length of the long table of the three wide beams used to make the table top, he ran his hand along the smooth, perfectly varnished surface with satisfaction, and noted that the surface of the table was as flat and mirror like as was the lake itself this beautiful summer's evening.

As Ben tended to the fish on the bbq, Jennifer brought out all prepared food.

You need a hand with that honey? Jack asked, and Jennifer put a hand on his shoulder and said

No, I'm good thanks, you sit there and enjoy your beer.

'She could have been Evie's daughter' Jack thought, noting how much like his late wife Jennifer was, with her kind and caring ways, always thinking of others, doing all the graft so others can relax, just the same as Evie always did. These thoughts brought his mood down a bit as he considered how cruel life can be sometimes, taking away such a good and kind person well before her time, and in such a merciless way. He looked over to Ben, concentrating hard on getting that fish cooked to perfection, as he always did, and that sight alone raised Jack's feeling of well being again.

Jack was hungry now, especially with the beautiful aromas of that bass on the bbq, and all these wonderful looking salads and potatoes now sitting in front of him. Jennifer's hand came over his shoulder once more, this time with a bottle of cold beer. He took the beer but held onto her hand.

Thanks honey, you're one in a million Jennifer smiled and moved over to Ben to take him his next beer as he stood engrossed in his cooking duties. As she walked towards her husband, she soaked up the ruggedness of Ben's tall frame and it's muscular structure, his dark brown wavy hair and the intense blue eyes set in the boyishly handsome face as he turned towards her.

Is Jack ok?.

Yeah, I think so he replied, not looking from the grill in case something got burnt.

He seems a bit different this evening, have you noticed anything? Jennifer asked,

He was a bit thoughtful out on the lake I guess, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, you just start thinking of yourself for a change young lady, and look after my son and heir in there Ben said as he pointed his bbq tongs at Jennifer's tummy while she smoothed her hand over her bump.

I will, don't you go worrying about that she replied with pure pleasure all over her face. Ben wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her, smiling into her eyes as he did so. At that moment a hiss came from the bbq and flames shot up around the fish steaks.

Dammit Ben quietly cursed and returned his attention to the task in hand of getting these fish steaks cooked to absolute perfection, for he knew that a moment too long on the bbq and they would be eating burnt and blackened crisps, not enough time and they would be eating sushi. Jennifer laughed as she went back to see what Emma was doing for she had gone mysteriously quiet.

Walking towards the dining table, Jennifer could see Jack