Escape from Fire Island!

By James English and Pamela Hobbs

Can you save fire island before it’s too late?

It was supposed to be a nice, relaxing weekend—with a little swimming, a lot of cocktails, and more hot bods than a year’s subscription to Men’s Health magazine. But when a vat of radioactive waste washes onto the beach, strange things start happening—and now an army of zombie drag queens is storming the coast! Can you save Fire Island before it’s too late? Or will you perish at the hands of a thousand shrieking divas? It all depends on the choices YOU make.

If you run toward the nearest ferry terminal, turn to page 44. If you flirt with the cute twink, turn to page 55. If you throw caution to the wind and join the nearest circuit party, turn to page 80.

What happens next? That depends on YOU! How does the story end? Only YOU can find out! Best of all, you can read this book again and again until you’ve had 29 amazing adventures!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Quirk Books
• Release date: Dec 8, 2015
• ISBN: 9781594749162

Book preview

Gay People Can’t Stop Reading

Date with Destiny Adventures!

---

"Just like the Choose Your Own Adventure books I used to read growing up. Only with hotter guys. In Speedos. And blow-jobs!"

—Blake, age 26, florist

We read it again and again and again!

—Larry, age 26, and Mel, age 54, bed-and-breakfast proprietors

"All the excitement of a Fire Island vacation—for just $7.95. You can’t even buy a drink on Fire Island for $7.95!"

—Keenan, age 24, designer

Don’t miss these future

Date with Destiny Adventures!

---

NIGHT OF A THOUSAND BOYFRIENDS by Miranda Clarke

I KNOW WHO YOU DID LAST SUMMER by James H. English

GET OFF THE CROSS, MARY! by R. A. Klofine

MY WHITE HOUSE INTERNSHIP by Miranda Clarke

A CONNECTICUT QUEEN IN KING ARTHUR’S COURT by R. A. Klofine

HELP! I’M TRAPPED IN AN AARON SPELLING TEEN DRAMA! by R. A. Klofine

COUNTRY BEAR JAMBOREE by James H. English

DOCTOR, THAT TICKLES! by R. A. Klofine

HE SAID HE WAS EIGHTEEN by James H. English

UNCLE GLADIATOR by James H. English

QUEST FOR STREISAND by Miranda Clarke

JOURNEY TO THE BOTTOM OF BEN AFFLECK by Miranda Clarke

Copyright © 2003 by Quirk Productions, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. All characters, names, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. The publisher also acknowledges that—at press time—Fire Island doesn’t really have buff shirtless lifeguards like the ones in this story. But wouldn’t it be a better place if it did?

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2002094335

ISBN: 1-931686-40-8

eISBN: 978-1-59474-916-2

Quirk Books

215 Church Street

Philadelphia, PA 19106

quirkbooks.com

v3.1

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Warning!!!!

Map

First Page

About the Author

About the Illustrator

WARNING!!!!

Reading these pages in consecutive order would be like watching Memento and Sliding Doors spliced with outtakes from Run Lola Run by way of—well, let’s just say it would be pretty damn confusing.

Instead, begin on this page, and follow the instructions at the bottom of each page. These instructions will guide you through many adventures and decisions. Each choice has the potential to bring you success or disaster—so think carefully!

Choose wisely, and you could end up with an absolutely gorgeous bodybuilder. Choose poorly, and you could end up facing charges for indecent exposure. Anything’s possible—and it’s all up to you!

Your vacation to Fire Island is already off to a bad start—and it’s all because of your annoying best friend Jose.

First he forgot to pack his lucky hair dryer—so you both wasted an hour in Wal-Mart looking for a suitable replacement. Then he became nauseated on the ferryboat, and begged the captain to slow down.

Now you’ve finally made it to the beach, and Jose won’t stop shrieking about the cold water. He’s dressed in a skimpy Speedo and prancing in the waves like a little drama queen. You’ve seen this act before, and it works every time—Jose’s stunning six-pack, shapely pecs, and lustrous black hair have captured the attention of every guy on the beach.

But enough about him. This is your vacation, too, and you’ve come to Fire Island to relax, unwind, and maybe even find a little romance. There are hundreds of gorgeous young men on the beach, and it’s easy to see why the affluent village of The Pines is considered the greatest gay playground on the East Coast.

You stretch out on your blanket and scope all the eye candy for a good twenty minutes. When you glance back at the ocean, you don’t see Jose anymore. Your best friend has vanished!

---

Turn to this page.

Several moments pass before you finally locate Jose—he’s at least two hundred feet out to sea, just a speck on the horizon, waving his arms and frantically trying to get your attention. He must be drowning!

Don’t worry! you shout. I’m coming!

You know that Jose can’t swim to save his life. But as you run toward the water, you’re not sure you’ll be strong enough to rescue him. Maybe you should try to find a lifeguard instead, and leave this job up to the professionals.

---

If you swim out to help Jose, turn to this page.

If you run to the nearest lifeguard stand, turn to this page.

I’m sorry, you tell Jose. I know I’m a total coward, but I just can’t do it.

It’s your loss, he shrugs. But I’m not going to let this opportunity go to waste. He checks his hair in the mirror behind the bar and then saunters over in the hottie’s direction.

You’re in no mood to watch Jose pick up another guy, so you turn your back and order another Margarita. It’s a huge glass, but you gulp it down quickly. The next time you glance back at blondie, he’s leaning against a wall, and Jose is grinding up against him.

Where’s the bathroom? you ask the bartender.

He points to the far end of the room. Through the red door and down the stairs. Keep walking, and you’ll find it.

The bathroom could be in Timbuktu for all you care—you just want to

Reviews for Escape from Fire Island!

[TahrFantastico · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Relies entirely on over the top gay stereotypes and uses offensive transphobic slang and ideas. Also, most passes through the story last three or fewer choices. You're better off with an actual Choose Your Own Adventure book.