Something Different

By Leo Moss

"In my work I usually edit serious books with in-depth research and facts galore, but sometimes I like to do something different.

Doesn't everyone?

So, here is a bunch of rhymes (poem is too strong a word) that I hope will amuse you. They are not targeted toward a specific age group; some adults like silly stuff and some kids like serious stuff. There's a little of both in here.

Don't expect to cry or experience any revelation. Do expect to smile a bit.

'When I'm in the mood to write serious verse,

I hold my breath 'til the mood is gone.

To me, you see, such an urge is a curse,

And, when I come to, I write on.'"

— Leo Moss

Leo Moss is a contributing editor for Yucca Road's Knowledge Blaster! series of educational study guides. When he approached us with the idea for a humorous book of poems, we were surprised that, (a) he writes poetry and (b) he has a sense of humor!

Turns out, his humor is wickedly twisted in a most enjoyable way, as in "The Switch," where a conceited jock gets his comeuppance from a skinny young man smoking cigarettes in the boys bathroom. Or in "The Exploding Amphibian," where a puffed-up toad tries (unsuccessfully) to con an alligator.

Moss' short tales range from silly (try "The Battle Of Piggledy Snout" about elementary school kids on recess) to profound (read "The Wonder At Widow's Lake" about a pastor's dire dilemma when twenty orphan kids speed down a twisting mountain road in a bus with no brakes.)

For a bit of the bizarre, there's a mental patient's hallucination: "Elvis At The Laundromat." And the tale of "Frostbite Jane" who created not only the first polar bear but also the aurora borealis.

We were not, however, surprised by the range of subjects, having experienced Leo's variety of interests in a work setting. Consider "Longing For Star Trek," "Red Maserati," or "The Fabulous Rutabaga." Sure, we acknowledge that classic TV and fast cars have intrinsic allure, but the veggie thing was a reach. Or so we thought. Then we read "The Devious Plot Of Doctor Frankenpickle," wherein

"From a giant, yellow, forked squash

The trunk and legs were crafted,

And on its round green cabbage head

Potato eyes were grafted."

What is it with Moss and veggies?

Anyhoo, there's a good variety in this book, and it is suitable for all age groups. Except age groups with no sense of humor.

'Bye now.
And, oh yes, buy now!

— Yucca Road Staff

• Language: English
• Publisher: Yucca Road Productions
• Release date: Jun 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463197417

Leo Moss

So I always wanted to be a writer, and when I got sucked into being an “editor” for Yucca Road Productions' series of subject guides, I took my opportunity and ran with it.(Notice I put the word editor in quotes. They think I don't know they gave me the job title just so I'd do all the grunt work that they don't want to do. As if!)Anyhow, my earlier gig as a webmaster for a mid-sized public school district was great training for all the computer-related hoops you have to jump through to get books up and running. I edited all the books in the Knowledge Blaster! Series for YRP and a couple of books by Terry Marsh, also for YRP. And at the same time, unbeknownst to the muckety-mucks, I wrote a couple of books and—you guessed it—edited them too.The first book was a collection of poems about all kinds of things, and Terry told me I have a fifth-grade sense of humor. But then he read my little rhyme “The Wonder at Widow's Lake,” and his eyebrows went way up and he looked at me like he was meeting someone new for the first time. Y'know? That made me smile.I called it Something Different because, well, it totally is. Check out the owl on the cover.The second book was years in the making, as they say. Not that I literally spent years on it, but it took me years of thinking how I'd like to be a writer before I finally forced myself to sit down and write. And even then it took a long time because I wrote about a couple of wizards, and I was just making stuff up until I finally found some wizards that I could sit down with and ask what it was really like. After that, it was cake.Terry kind of, in an off-handed way— so he really doesn't deserve any credit—suggested the name Wizardry for Fun and Profit. But it made me smile, and I totally had the final say-so, except for the muckety-mucks.So anyhow, if you like books like Angela's Ashes or Tuesdays with Maurie, don't even bother reading my work. I just write stuff that makes me smile. Maybe you'll get a grin, too.Just kidding about finding the wizards.Or am I?

Book preview

Dressing For The Occasion

If you see me out there jogging

I'll be in my jogging suit.

At the opera, I'm in my tuxedo

(With a rental receipt, to boot.)

For surfing, I have my wet suit,

And for skiing, my bib overalls.

For tennis I have just the right shoes,

And the shorts that match the balls.

I suppose you'd call me dapper

(A clothes horse, if you dare.)

Just call me when it's time for TV,

‘Cause I bought new underwear.

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The Switch

Ricky J and Lice-Boy and a couple other guys

Were up in the boy's room, swappin' little lies,

Blowin' smoke out the winda to cover up their sin,

When Quarterback Johnny come prancin' in.

Now, Ricky J's at the mirror combin' his hair back nice,

An' his buddy's jus' a'scratchin' (oh, damn them lice!)

When Q.B. Johnny takes the mirror for his self.

An' Ricky J say Buddy, that ain't good for your health.

Ol' Johnny jus' grin an' say "Now, whatcha gonna do?

I got muscles on my muscles, an' some on them, too.

You an' Itchy Boy together don't give me half a scare."

An' then he wet his fingers an' run ‘em through his hair.

Well, that might be, says Ricky J, sizin' up.

"To a hound like you, guess I'm jus' a little pup.

So lemme help you out, son, an' we'll leave the fightin' home."

An' Ricky J,

sly-like,

hands him over...

Lice-Boy's comb.

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A Fifth Of Scottish

Scotland is famous for the Firths of Forth

(Which are narrow bays on the sea, of courthe)

And lakes that are lochs (there's a monster in Ness)

And mountains called bens— now, ain't that a mess!

In the Highlands you might see a man wear a kilt

Of tartan (that's plaid) without any guilt,

And play, on a bagpipe, a Highland fling—

A high-steppin' dance— oh, man! do they swing!

They invented the game of golf, methinks,

(But why in the world is a course called the links?)

I can just see them, out there on the heather

Swinging their clubs and cursing the weather.

Scottish royalty stayed in Scotland Yard

When they went to London to see the Bard.

The Scots have good Andrew as their patron saint

(I thought it was Robert the Bruce, but it ain't.)

I'd like to visit old Edinburgh some day

And take my clubs along for some play

I'd search for Nessie and see the Firths in the bargain—

I'd like to, but you see, I don't know the jargon.

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A Woman Invented The Bicycle

A woman invented the bicycle

(Let's call her husband Ben.)

Not only did she hate hubby,

She had a distaste for all men.

I can hear the acid in her voice

And see the fire in her eye,

Saying, "Now, Ben, dear, mine has the low bar,

And yours is way up high! "

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For Love Or Money

Tender is love, and forgivin',

But it won't make you much of a livin'.

Still, if I had to choose ‘tween riches and kisses,

I'd throw out the bank book and cuddle the missus.

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