Filterless

By ChiCheese Rivera

Women have gone too far using filter’s that drive Ruben to a catfish therapy group session. Ruben is on a quest to find love, after his divorce. His journey takes him into struggles: a violent beating and online dating. Where many adventures follow and a greater threat in the horizon

• Language: English
• Publisher: ChiCheese Rivera
• Release date: Jun 9, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463964163

Book preview

FILTERLESS

Ruben tries to kiss her, but she can’t because she’s at work, and he feels a cold barrel on the throat. I’ve been meaning to talk to you! says Meli’s father, wearing a wifebeater, a big belt buckle and boots as he holds a Colt .45 on Ruben’s throat. "You’re too old for her, ruco. How old are you?"

Ruben’s heart beats uncontrollably and breath deepens. Thirty-one. You can see his Adam’s apple shift nervously.

Meli’s scream can be heard throughout the grocery store: Dadd! as bystanders look in horror. Meli pushes the gun, and Ruben’s flight or fight kicks, and he's wrestling her father. A bystander comes to help, and the scuffle escalates before the gun goes off.

Over a Week Ago

You’re fired! Bring in your equipment! yells the boss before the call ends.

Ruben gathers the company computer equipment and puts it in a cardboard box and with mixed emotions yells, They can keep their equipment. Fuck that! and kicks the box with all his might. As the box flies through the air, a machine gun fires at the box, and the box explodes. (The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly theme song plays.) Gunsmoke comes out from his middle fingers. He blows the smoke away one finger at a time. Ruben wakes up in horror, wearing duck eye covers, thinking, Wow, what a dream. I can’t believe my boss fired me.

He walks to the bathroom, head down, and closes the box filled with company equipment. He stares in the mirror looking at some of his gray chin, a slight slouch and a beer belly, with low self-esteem. He inflates his belly. The shower curtain opens, and the shower turns on. Ruben turns on Alexa and plays We Belong Together by Ritchie Valens. The music blasts as Ruben sings, and he’s cheerful. Then images start to run through his mind. The first is of him and his wife and kids. Next is him and his wife. Then suddenly, a divorce decree, and his singing turns into weeping. Ruben is in the fetal position in the tub. Yes, we belong together, for eternityyyyyyy.

Ruben gets up, wipes his tears and clenches his fist. You can see the veins and redness on his face as he screams in agony, WHYYYYYYYYY! He slaps himself to compose himself and dries himself off. Then he goes to the vanity and wipes his tears and practices his pickup lines: What’s up, baby girl? What’s your name? What’s up, girl? What brings you here?

The phone rings. Ruben, you know what time it is! says Bobby.

Time to get paid? says Ruben in a soft voice.

Close enough, but it’s time to get laid. Fuck that job and that girl. Let’s get it, says Bobby.

That doesn’t sound good or great, that sounds GRANDTASTIC! yells Ruben. "Nah, it’s got to be fantastiK, with a capitol k. Be ready, I’ll be there in a minute," says Bobby.

Ruben agreed, Bet!

Honk! Honk! Bobby rolls up in his mom’s ’75 Buick Regal looking slim with poufy hair, a pointy nose and dimples. Ruben hops in and puts the company equipment in the back and tells Bobby, "How are we supposed to pick up girls when we cruisin’ in the Titanic?"

Don’t worry about it, just have confidence. Just look at Jay Z. Let’s go to Yak in the Vox, I’m hungry, says Bobby confidently.

I don’t know, man, I just can’t lose weight. I’m trying, but, damn, it’s hard, says Ruben, grabbing his belly and shaking his head in disappointment. Ruben’s moms waves goodbye. They both wave back at Mom, having a smile.

Your mom is the problem! says Bobby.

What? says Ruben.

You know how moms are, always feeding you! You’re single and ready to mingle, says Bobby.

Ruben flashes back to the first day moving back in with his parents: He yelled to his mom, Mom, I’m home!

Have a seat, I made this for you. Opened wide, said Mom.

Mom, I’m on keto, said Ruben.

Keto? Mom wondered with her upper lip out, nodding her head. She didn’t understand