Minor Sketches and Reveries (Stories)

By Alberto Balengo

These introspective tales feature animals, allegories and melodramas of everyday life. At the center of the stories are tiny creatures (a sparrow, earthworm or paperclip) struggling to make sense of larger mysterious forces. Human protagonists are equally perplexed by ordinary events – like searching for a lost key, watching late night TV, or eating a taco.

As the author admits in the afterward, these pieces feel more like “sketches” than stories with conventional plot and character. Many end at odd places or don’t end at all. Scattered through the stories are moments of isolation, confusion and foreboding. Some pieces (like the essayistic “Indolence: Notebooks”) investigate a philosophical idea to such absurd lengths that one is almost tempted to take a nap.

In one of the lighter pieces (“3 Fake Recommendation Letters,”) Balengo submits fake recommendation letters (by Rabelais, Kafka and Hans Christian Anderson) to an MFA program. In a more somber story (“The Deletionist”) a disgruntled system administrator tries to delete as much of his digital footprint as he can – with mixed results.

Written in plain, careful language, this debut collection by Alberto Balengo depicts people (and creatures) trying valiantly to investigate a world that seems neither rational nor reassuring. With illustrations by artist Brittany Bethurem.

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LONE STAR LITERARY LIFE (9/2020) Minor Sketches and Reveries offers 14 refreshingly unusual tales. Most of the tales ... do not offer fiction's traditional beginnings, middles, and endings. Indeed, some of Balengo's sketches and reveries create intriguing flows of mental images and then suddenly cease, leaving their stories suspended mentally in midair... Balengo's writing style sometimes offers moments of sharp tension for his characters, yet more often flows toward clear, calm descriptions, philosophical contemplation, and efforts to accept or make sense of both human and nonhuman realities.

SAN FRANCISCO BOOK REVIEW (11/2020) Balengo's tales bring ... dark humor and unconventional whimsicality to our daily interactions. These works will encourage readers to stop and reconsider their everyday activities and interactions in a new, more satirical light....His words, honest and poignant, capture the magnitude of emotions and words left unsaid. Between these pages, readers will explore loss, frustration, and unconventional closure. Balengo's book earns four stars for its originality and perspectives on the ins and outs of life.... (It's) an exceptional work that will entrance and challenge readers to rethink the ordinary and perceive the bizarre and outlandish in their everyday lives. (J Tingling)

MIDWEST BOOK REVIEW (10/2020) These works eschew the usual focus on progressive plot or character development in favor of more of a sketchbook method of capturing slices of life... (This) diverse collection ... holds no unified theme other than its excellence and element of surprise. ...(T)he opening piece, 'Dog Orientation', (is) a primer for the canine on the ironies and incongruities of living in a human world. ... (and) a fine introduction to other pieces which are, at points, more reflective and serious in nature, but often embedded with this same sense of ironic observation. '3 Fake Recommendation Letters', which Alberto Balengo wrote himself and included in an application to a school creative writing program, are also whimsical in nature, reminiscent of Australian humorist David Thorne. (It's) ... the perfect panacea for minds stressed by life's challenges.{D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Personville Press
• Release date: Nov 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463965412

Alberto Balengo

Alberto Balengo (a pseudonym) was born in New Mexico and has lived most of his life in Texas. He works in health care and received his bachelor's degree from the Writing Seminars at Johns Hopkins University. He loves dogs but hates football.

Book preview

Minor Sketches and Reveries

Table of Contents

Dog Orientation

The Breakfast Taco

Late Night Movie February 29, 1989 2:45 AM

The Earthworm

Losing the Apartment Key

The Deletionist

Sparrow in the Supermarket

The Paperclip

The Cure

The Interview

3 Fake Recommendation Letters

Luck and the Lizard

The Grandparents

Indolence: Notebooks

Notes about these stories

About the Contributors

Other Ebooks from Personville Press

About This Edition

Minor Sketches and Reveries

Short Stories

Alberto Balengo

Copyright © 2020 Alberto Balengo

Reading Tips: For devices with color displays, go to Font Options and choose Publisher Default. For e-ink (black and white) displays ONLY, choose your device's preferred font.

Cover Art & Illustrations by Brittany Bethurem

Published by Personville Press in Houston, Texas, USA in November, 2020. Info about copyright, fonts, images, device support and version history appear at the end of this ebook) (with the information duplicated at personvillepress.com). This ebook (Version 1.0.1) is distributed without DRM. To report technical problems or make editorial inquiries, contact idiotprogrammer AT gmail.com

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Dog Orientation

The institute has asked me to brief you on the human caretakers for your estates.

Please keep an open mind and have realistic expectations. No living arrangement will be perfect, and it's impossible to prepare for your exact situation. Some dogs have only one caretaker at a small estate, and that suits them fine. Others are equally happy on a magnificent estate with five caretakers. Each assignment offers challenges, and one shouldn’t automatically assume that a more elaborate setup is better.

Eventually caretakers learn to behave and respect your authority, and you learn to respect their efficiency. No caretaker is perfect. Only a few are lazy or cruel, but even the worst of them will improve over time. Some dogs are more annoyed by overly attentive caretakers than lazy ones. It can be a bother to give around-the-clock enthusiasm for their efforts, but remember: humans usually act with good intentions.

At times humans let down their guard and play, but mostly they seem sullen and reserved. At night (and sometimes during the day), they will stare for hours at large bright screens, pondering images and sounds. There is no need for alarm; it just helps humans to relax. Even during meals humans do this same kind of staring, oblivious to the world around them.

Humans can disappear for hours – or days. This shouldn’t be cause for alarm. Daily foraging for food and junk is a normal part of human behavior and something they prefer to do alone. Actually in the few instances where dogs are invited, they have been bored silly. As fun as an occasional car trip may be, it's never as fun as staying on familiar territory and knowing where the bones are buried.

Dogs may never comprehend why humans prefer the stresses of the itinerant life to the serenity of staying home. But humans need variety more than anything – even if it means enduring harsh weather and long journeys back. For a dog, water may taste different in each place he visits, but ultimately water is just water.

Fortunately, human caretakers rarely bring their dogs on trips and only for special occasions. Sometimes, for example, a human may want to spend a few days at another estate; it is only natural that he will bring you along. But aside from the occasional visit to the park, a dog’s duty is to stay home and guard the estate until they return. Sometimes long waits do occur – and they can be incredibly frustrating, but if there’s one thing certain in life, it’s that humans appear just when you’re ready to give up. Even if one human disappears for a significant period, another human will usually appear in his place. It it not our place to judge humans for their absences but simply to appreciate instances of human loyalty and generosity.

Humans are resourceful at finding food (that is one of their most admirable characteristics); you almost never have to worry about locating it yourself. They have perfected a system of compacting food into bite sized pellets; the food doesn’t smell or taste particularly remarkable, but humans find and store it easily. For some reason humans offer this special food to our species without being tempted to take a share. They carefully segregate their own food stuffs and hide it in high places, quaintly believing that it shouldn’t be allowed to mix with our own. Of course, dogs are pretty indiscriminate about what we eat, but we have to indulge these human eccentricities. The human diet is an unpredictable mix of meat and sugars, with plants thrown in. Their meat dishes are often delicious and well worth sampling – although strangely they discard the bones. They snarl dangerously if you try to sample human food in their presence, but if you do it after they have turned their backs, they rarely make a fuss.

The height of our caretakers can be a cause of concern. Humans tread gently and softly, but you still have to watch where you walk and be careful not to have a human run into you. At night, humans have terrible vision and can accidentally bump into you if you are not careful. Their slow clumsiness may seem amusing until the moment that one of their gigantic feet has accidentally stepped on your tail. Overall, humans show awareness of the potential for injury and keep an adequate distance. Injuries from these collisions are painful but heal quickly. Humans sometimes like to pick you up and carry you in their arms. It is not exactly a pleasant experience – but humans do it carefully, so there is virtually no chance of injury. Sometimes it can be pleasant to view the world from a high vantage point (even if it makes you a little dizzy). Despite poor eyesight in the darkness, humans can see faraway things easily, so it is generally best to follow their lead; they may be seeing things from a vantage point you lack.

Humans are more attuned to touch than smell. Perhaps they smell things; perhaps they don’t; in any event, they are incapable of savoring or deciphering the bevy of smells around them. Perhaps they have lost this skill and must rely on other senses; as a result, they ignore many sources of food and remnants of the past. Imagine what it must be like to live without a historical record or any sense of past presences. Humans engage in elaborate bathing rituals to erase (or at least reduce) the personal accumulation of smells. They wear robes which are good at absorbing their olfactory histories, but then discard them after only a day to purge any whiff of the past. They remove excretions behind closed doors; it’s unclear how they do it, but they hide everything in a secret fountain – perhaps as some kind of religious offering. They decorate their bodies with all kinds of chemicals and acids. Perhaps they genuinely enjoy these smells (and they are somewhat interesting when you first notice them), but it’s more likely that humans prefer masking their histories from others. You will be surprised at how different each head of hair can smell. Perhaps these smells don’t appeal to a dog, but humans take great care in distinguishing hair on their head from other humans – not only with smells, but also shape and length.

Humans are eager for their dogs to participate in these bathing rituals. For some reason they fail to grasp that bathing is (at best) unnecessary and (at worst) a way to peel off the layer of smells that dogs have been carefully collecting. You just have to put up with this and view it as a sincere (but misguided) gesture of appreciation. Sometimes they will invite you into their private bathing areas and do it themselves, but at other times they will bring you to dedicated bathing experts. Not only are these bathers friendly and playful, their gentle hands remove dirt and tangles with ease. A few hours later you will be back at your estate and able to re-apply the usual smells in no time.

Each estate has different rules which the caretaker must enforce. These rules can sometimes be inconsistent or make no sense. Some estates have a sizable yard outside with lots of space to roam. Most yards have tall wooden fences that block entry or even a view of the other side. It’s often possible for two dogs to live on opposite sides of these fences, converse and race each other daily without meeting face to face. Often these through-the-fence friendships can continue for years. Before visiting their estates, dogs often worry about whether they will get along with their dog neighbors. This is rarely a problem. Anyway, with enough familiarity even the most intractable of dogs can become a sympathetic ear. If anything, the bigger problem is not having dog neighbors at all. Humans make fine companions, but even the most patient of dogs can grow weary of the human habit of staring at screens all day. If there are no dog neighbors, dogs have to content themselves with chasing after birds (those damn things will turn up anywhere) and enjoying the gentle breeze until the humans return.

In rare cases, dogs are tied to a chain on a fence or maybe a tree. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad when a dog wants to sleep or relax, but it is easy to run around and forget the chain is even there. Humans rarely bark loudly and in fact can become upset at a dog's inclination to bark, but hey, we're just being dogs! Eventually humans learn to respect that.

If estates lack an outside yard, you will spend most of your time indoors. Generally you have complete freedom inside the estate as long you don’t tear things up or leave unexpected messages. Although it never happens often enough, your caretaker will bring you outside several times a day and tie himself to you so you will never leave. These outside journeys vary in duration and distance, but generally are long enough for you to leave various messages around the area. Humans will wait anxiously for them, cherishing our messages so much that they store them elsewhere for safety. Many speculate about why humans do this. Some guess that humans want to hide your presence from other caretakers and dogs (if that were even possible!) Another hypothesis is that humans plan to bury your message somewhere or are secretly compiling some kind of poop scrapbook. Some argue that this behavior stems from aversion to dog droppings, while others argue that humans are obsessed with collecting all kinds of junk (and dog poop is just one example). Perhaps it has to do with their own secret byzantine rituals of dealing with their excrement. Hard as it is for us to comprehend, humans don't feel any need to leave messages on their territory. Instead, they prefer keeping these messages to themselves – hidden from the world.

But we don’t need to solve every human mystery to share a rich and lovely life together. Caretakers have been around for a long time – probably longer than canines – and know things dogs couldn't imagine. On occasion the human will bring you to a special caretaker who – judging by the multitude of smells in his home – has met with hundreds of dogs. This special caretaker is adept at handling dogs and will sometimes bite your skin and feed you strange things. This special human shows extraordinary understanding of how dogs live and suffer; his skillful hands can quickly discover where things hurt. His touch alone can scare away fleas or heal wounds. Visits to this special caretaker are rare but memorable; no dog leaves without feeling a special connection.

It's hard to know how long a humans will live, but it is almost certainly longer than a dog. The smaller (and younger) humans are energetic and eager to play, but older humans do so rarely. According to some dogs, the oldest humans are weak and unable to walk and may disappear for days. Younger humans enjoy many activities that dogs do; one prominent dog speculated that humans used to be dogs – perhaps being a dog was only a transitional state to becoming human.

This notion might sound ridiculous – don't humans walk on two legs, bark rarely and prefer sugary foods? Even if older humans are slower and sicker and less inclined to act on reflex, the younger ones have a free-spirited approach to life and still treat life like a game.

In that respect, human caretakers are imitating our species – or are we imitating them? Humans may be slower and clumsier, but they also age more slowly – if at all. Even human children age only slightly during a dog’s lifetime.

The presence of a human baby at the estate changes how dogs are treated. Human babies cry often and require so much attention that adult humans forget everything else. Ironically, even though human babies show little understanding or interest in dogs, they move naturally on four legs and drop messages freely without concern about what older humans might think. Indeed, just as adult caretakers laboriously track and store your messages, they carefully wrap their baby’s messages in fancy bags of cotton. As human babies mature they can become a dog’s greatest ally. Young humans rarely leave the estate and love to play. They love running around and throwing balls. Clearly the tiny humans are taught new things and gain new abilities. Eventually they walk on two feet and imitate their parent’s habits, but you can still notice remnants of their doggy nature – the way they yell at their screens, the way they gobble food, the way they jump up and down at the smell of hamburger.

What's it like to become human? No one really knows; it’s unclear if this dog-to-human transformation happens gradually or suddenly; it’s even unclear if your post-dog self remains at the same estate. Some dogs believe that the special caretaker plays a role in facilitating the transformation. Others think it has something to do with the water fountains which hide human droppings. But most agree that humans are wise enough to allow dogs to inhabit their doggy self for as long as nature permits. Dogs cannot suddenly decide to become human, but must accept that our human caretakers will be there to usher us – ever-so-gently – into a new kind of life.

Dogs won't learn about the process of becoming human until the time is right. There is no point in speculating; a dog can chase his tail all day and never get anywhere. It is better for dogs (and humans) to stumble through the days without needing to understand everything in advance. Surprises are good and a necessary part of living; also, knowledge is specific to a time and place. After this orientation is over and you have visited your estate, you will have to adapt to individual circumstances. Even the best-intentioned advice will only approximate the world as it really is.

No matter. Later you will understand some of the things I have mentioned today – perhaps after killing your first bird!

Illustration: Dog Orientation

The Breakfast Taco

This happened to me on Friday, May 3, 2002 in North Austin on the corner of North Lamar and Mulberry Street.

One morning, on the way to work, I stopped at a taco stand for breakfast. A small mustached man stood behind a table, busily taking money from customers and handing out tacos from one of six bins. The smell was enchanting. About a dozen hungry people crowded around, peering at small foil-wrapped packages and vying for the seller’s attention.

One fifty, the man said to a woman in a business suit. Everything one fifty.

The woman took out a ten and asked what kinds of tacos he had while three more passersby approached.

The vendor pointed to the individual bins and rattled off the types: Bean and cheese, egg, bacon, potatoes and egg, bacon and egg, chorizo, everything.

These are great, said one man to his friend after biting into one.

How much are they? called a business man from the sidewalk.

One fifty. Everything one fifty.

Is this sauce hot? asked another woman, pointing to a bowl of green sauce on the table.

"What kinds do