The Atheist Priest: HERESY COLLECTION, #1

By Joe Barcala

A very catching story about a priest who, at the beginnin, realize that he does not believe in God anymore... but, at the end, doesn't he?

Completed translation in word .docx document. Name of the book: The Atheist Priest.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Koller Scrite
• Release date: Apr 12, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393574125

Book preview

The Atheist Priest

Joe Barcala

Eusebio celebrated a baptism that Saturday morning and felt, like never before, a huge spiritual emptiness as he poured on the little child, accompanied by his parents and godparents, the blessed water in the pile. His cassock weighed like never before, a sign of heresy, a sign of an abnegation that was coming to an end. What led him out of the sacred oath? How did he leave the creed? So many years of tradition and conservatism, dogmas, rituals and obedience, turned that heartbreaking moment into a symbol of disbelief. While the parents of that little boy smiled impatiently to see his little angel become the son of God, that baroque temple, a silent heartbreaking scream rumbled in his vault as a sign of heavenly disgust.

Eusebio looked at his flock with the same arrogance that characterized him, without showing his inner mud, accustomed to the unrestricted fulfillment of his moral obligation, to a socially-expected behavior, he pretended as many other times, even when he still believed, a loving and sensitive sermon to the ears of your parishioners. The headband of his cassock hanged him, made him sweat. The pulpit of that beautiful and golden chapel saturated with trimmings and ornaments melted the wax of the Paschal Candle, condensed the floral scents and Eusebio became dizzy with the perfumes of the people. The expired religious fervor of the Parish priest, soaked by the rays of light filtered by the stained glass windows, greeted God in the mouth of an impetuous atheist by the forced preaching.

—And there are those who wonder: where is God? They do not realize that every time one of these small, beautiful and serene children like Daniel, being baptized in the name of Christ, in addition to the heavenly feast, the Trinity smiles at the world! Men of little faith, look at how fields and families flourish within the Church.

An inner voice told him: "I'm tired of so much solemnity and another voice echoed: And so much loneliness. Finally, a deeply hidden resonance argued: I am very afraid that one day an angel will appear and show God's wrath" although apparently his conscience and the rest of his inner voices did not care about this last reflection. The tiredness, Eusebio’s desert self-flagellation, the sum of commitments and his recently acquired atheism, perhaps definitive, drowned him, led him to endure with pain, with reluctance, the future of his days, with the continuous reflection of finding some way out. From his problems that will not represent him more complications.

That Saturday, Eusebio's atheism turned his life around, in unexpected ways and that he would never have imagined. Many years before, after taking the habits, he clung to his church as a responsible man. He came to love his work of leading the sacred flock of the Lord for years. But that day culminated in the process of loss of faith. That day, he stopped believing in God definitely. How would you cope with your ministry? Who do you talk about your new creed? Combined with a nostalgia, loneliness with a company, the overwhelming farce of being who is no more.

At the end of the ceremony, he had half an hour of confessions that, despite his solid atheism, still caused him some curiosity and, in the meantime, tedium. Not because they were always the same sins, he ceased to interest each believer's gaze to their problems. The stories were generally different, the nuances varied like each brain with its abysmal contrasts.

A teenager confessed, embarrassed, to have desired his girlfriend more than he is supposed to; a cynical man accused himself of adulterer for the fifth time, he said, he could not help it; the high school principal accused himself of hating a teacher who worked for him, he said, justifying himself, that she was always challenging him; a young man was defeated by the temptation of a drug, had been struggling for a few months without achieving it; Another boy showed regret because he became angry at threatening his own mother with a knife.

That afternoon an old woman on the verge of a momentous event, that is, one step away from death, accused herself of blasphemy, denying her faith; She explained that her whole body hurt a lot, mainly in the morning and no prayer took away the sleepless nights getting up to the bathroom without being able to empty her bladder. God, she said, had forgotten to take her away and she even cursed Him.

While in Eusebio's mind, he traversed the possibilities of a change of life or somehow solve his stay in the Church.

A middle-aged man was also confessed. He accused himself of raping a girl. He specified that she was middle class and very beautiful. He also justified his act, although at the end he mentioned something that called Eusebio a lot of attention:

—Father Father, that despite having raped her, I had her support, that is, the woman hugged me, kissed me and even felt that she abused me.

Eusebio was about to say "don't be a scoundrel, son" but the faith of his soul was so little that he didn't really want to argue. He was curious, yes, because the voice became quite familiar. After absolution and penance, he left and Eusebio opened the door to try to look at him. He only managed to see his back and neck but it didn’t allow him to distinguish who that man was, it could be anyone. He was tempted to follow him but a very ornate woman fell down in the recliner and had to listen to her.

That woman was already known. It was the governor's wife, Doña Edelmira Santos, and her confession was not even worth listening to since Eusebio was sure that woman always invented her sins to avoid a social scandal of any kind, although her privacy was guaranteed by the secret of confession. If she said she didn't like gossip, she could actually be confessing how gossip she was. If she said she didn't listen to her husband, maybe it meant her husband didn't pay attention to her. Eusebio, with so many years of experience, had the facility of discovering who spoke with the truth and who preferred to lie, either out of shame or vanity, out of fear or because they came to think that this was only a requirement for God to forgive them, although they would not believe much in the method of speaking with another human being, equally a sinner.

Eusebio closed the confessional, just as he closed his faith, and went to his room; to get there, he needed to climb sixty-five steps around the inside of one of the temple towers. In each corner of the quadrangular construction there was a break from the stairs, in total there were four breaks; the steps were old, disparate and uphill. The newly built rooms of the priests, at least more modern than the rest of the entire church, were located on the roof of the left-wing of the sanctuary. To get there, there were two roads, although going up the side of the market was certainly annoyed by the smell of vegetables, after the heat of the day, and also by the insistent greeting of a large number of parishioners who saw them parade through the balcony that led them to the roof. Therefore, the four priests of the Dominican community of the Marian temple of the Immaculate Conception, attached from a canonical decree since Eusebio arrived there, to the diocesan fraction of the Archdiocese, preferred to ascend the old staircase of the left tower of the parish.

Eusebio, ready to rest, sat at the foot of the bed and took off his leather shoes that he recently repaired in a humble market stall next door. He noticed that his sock was bleeding and, when removed, he saw a minor wound on the instep of his right foot, just half a centimeter. He also noticed that his beige sock had a half-inch cut; but in his shoe, which looked like new for the restoration, suffered a cut of almost an inch on the outer side. When did this happen? He asked himself, more than anguished, with spasmodic curiosity. While reviewing the different possibilities in his mind, he entered the bathroom to wash his foot, and from his meager kit, he took an adhesive tape and placed it with a sterile gauze on his instep. He walked in flip-flops back toward the stairs, looking for the cause of his foot injury and only four steps down, still over the entrance quice to the temple choir, he noticed an eaten rod sticking out just above the step; it was noted that the unifying material, of an old mortar, left a limestone dust next to where the rod was defeated and was dangerously elevated to hurt anyone. The pastor was frightened, that rod indicated a dangerous wear on the stairs and an imminent danger to him and his community of priests.

Despite his discomfort, Eusebio asked with signs to a boy who worked as an altar boy, bell and ranger, named Pablo, but who all knew better as Pablillo, and who just saw pass inside the tower on the ground floor of the cube, to bring him a hammer from the kitchen. Although he waited sitting on the broken step for more than five minutes; Pablillo finally appeared on the first floor with the tool in his hand. His tardiness was surprising, but Eusebio was not in the mood to reprove him. He waited patiently. While watching him go up, he noticed that the railing of the last section where he was standing, had already released a welding and secured its resistance by carefully shaking the smithy. He thought it convenient to allocate resources to repair the stairs. With the hammer, he mutilated the rod that hurt his foot and thanked the altar boy for his favor. Finally, he went up to his room to rest.

After a while, the door sounded insistent. Outside the room was Mrs. Gilda, responsible for the service, cooking, and cleaning of the temple. She counted, to perform the maintenance of the church, with different assistants but on this occasion, as it was Saturday, many of the employees were supporting the temple services such as the assembly of floral arrangements, passing the alms trays and other necessities.

Father Eusebio! Wake up, Father Eusebio! Although the pounding was constant, Mrs. Gilda could not move the cleric from his lethargy. It's already seven o'clock, the wedding is waiting downstairs.

He finally woke up, because the woman was maddening, as much as swallowing a mosquito. Father Eusebio answered her and hurried for the religious ceremony. Although he wished to remain in bed until Sunday, he had no choice but to wet his face, comb his hair and lay on top of the surplice and went down, taking special care of the stair railing. He entered the sacristy five minutes later to finish dressing, putting on the cingulum, chasuble and stole, fulfilling the commitment of the wedding. How long could he hold on? Eusebio wondered; at times he realized that at that rate he would have to give up soon unless death surprised him sooner.

Pablillo entered, already dressed as an altar boy, and Father Eusebio assigned him the holy water and he carried the liturgy. Finally, he was imparting the blessing to the bride and groom and doing his job as professionals do: even if they do not want to, they are disciplined before the obligations. When sometimes, as it was at that wedding, it happened that he had not prepared any idea that would surprise the parishioners, he decided to repeat a sermon from his wide repertoire. Especially in the marital links, he had the help of the letter of St. Paul, typical of that ceremony: [Love] Everything covers, everything believes, everything expects, everything bears ... and on it, he already had many exciting ideas structured, worthy of an audience as indifferent as the one who attends most weddings, who were more interested in coming to the dance and kissing their loved ones coming from abroad. People who listened to the beautiful words of the passage around the bride and groom, perhaps friends, perhaps brothers, children or nephews of the guests. In Eusebio's mind and feelings, on the other hand, he was more aware than ever of the moralizing lessons of that biblical passage, he repudiated each word, for its new skeptical ideology, feeling and questioning its content; he debated that love would last over science, given its disbelief in terms such as prophecy or the gift of tongues. Definitely, despite the shudder caused by the wild call of Mrs. Gilda slamming his door, Eusebio had little internal motivation to celebrate the Mass. The assistants, however, were captivated, because, in rhetoric, Eusebio used to be successful, he was a charismatic man, a modern prophet; although the term of a prophet would not delude him anymore.

The participants used to be more interested in the baroque decoration of the temple, in the recharging of the batteries of their cameras, in the coquetry of the beautiful and young company ladies, with their indiscreet necklines and the legs discovered above the knees. They were looking for a mirror in the bag to detail the eyelash or unruly hair. The boys rolled a scrape off their shoes on the twin muscles with their pants, inspired by a dance with the girl who gave them the peace with a hot kiss on the front bench, urged by a couple of alcoholic drinks in the party room, thinking about the jokes they would make the groom in the traditional dance with the funeral march. They were in everything, except in the aerobic rituals of the Eucharist: getting up, sitting, kneeling, getting up again. They breathed the perfumes and lotions of the guests next to them, and signaled their friends across the hall, taking a petal from the flowers until they turned to dust, in the least miraculous way possible. But during Eusebio's sermon, the mother of the groom changed her face of indignation, probably caused by the rush of two hours before, the hairstyle, the photograph, the other children, the common problems of those ceremonies, to show a few tears of shock that cause the oaths, the signs, the smell of the flowers, the relatives that come from afar, the dramatic melodies or the looks of the son, the wedding groom, as if telling her that she doesn't know what she getting into.

After the drag blessing, Pablillo tripped and threw the holy water all over the altar. Father Eusebio had no choice but to understand because his teenage age caused him to lose control of his body. When he could, as a sign of charity and mercy, he offered a towel to dry the liquid; the rest of the ceremony, both surrounded the rest of the wet place, especially to avoid slipping, because what else did it matter some holy water in a blessed place?

At the end of the religious rite, Eusebio was in the sacristy placing his chasuble on the coat rack when his mother appeared.

-Hello son, how are you?

-Good mom. What brings you at this time around here?" - Eusebio was glad to see his mother after a few days, and also after so many daily tasks.

—Today I noticed your sister acting very odd, last night she came home late and said she got sick.

Ana Gabriela is Eusebio's only sister, and younger than him, and turns out to be her mother's strong arm. She usually accompanies her in all chores and cooperates with her most of the time. Between the two they share the responsibility of attending the fine jewelry business with which they are maintained and, coincidentally, it is very close to the Immaculate Conception parish run by Eusebio. The house in which they live was more aloof, about fifteen kilometers. They move in two cars of models not very recent, but in good condition.

—In eight years, she never missed a day in the jewelry store, but today it dawned unwell and I talked to her on the phone a while ago and I felt a strange change in her as if something hurt.

Did you call the doctor? - Eusebio inquired worried, grabbing her arm as a sign of support to his mother.

- She was in the hospital last night after leaving the jewelry store, said she felt bad and went. Today she did not get up all day but insisted that she would be fine."

-You had to take her with Dr. Felipe, so you could be calmer. Anyway, tomorrow when she comes to Mass and I will talk with her."

-Thank you, son. I will thank you.

-Do not worry, everything will be fine.

Ana Gabriela became a new concern for her brother, the Pastor; and he thought, as his mother wanted, that the cause was stress. Was she sick of something serious? Eusebio, after God, always had his younger sister in second place on his scale of values, until he stopped believing.

Ana Gabriela was walking down the street last night. She left the jewelry store and headed to her car. His mother stayed until the last minute making sure that all locks and keys were double-locked. A man followed Ana Gabriela, who as soon as he got in the car, held her tightly forcing her to get in. He drove the car through various parts of the city. Finally, the kidnapper, named Frank, who had clear intentions of raping her, decided to take her home, where he could transgress her without risks for him. He placed an improvised shirt as a handkerchief on her eyes and drove there. She was scared and terrified, thousands of thoughts of panic crossed her mind. He had her hands tied with a clothesline since he forced her into his car. She didn't know if the man would hurt her, she wondered if she would see the light of day again. Due to the invisibility caused by the shirt, Ana Gabriela had no choice: she decided to surrender to her aggressor, so as not to be hurt and being guided by him through the rooms and the stairs to which she was led. They finally reached Frank's bedroom where he discovered his eyes; the only light he decided to keep on was that of a tiny lamp placed on the desk near the window. With this, she could see little of his aggressor's face, although it did not seem to represent a danger of life.

Ana Gabriela's hands were not marked by the rope, due to her willingness to avoid confrontations with her rapist; Finally, he chose to release her. His initial strategy was to seduce her, presenting himself in front of her with tenderness, delicacy, softness. He started by stroking her hands just when he released her. Gradually, touching each finger subtly, enjoying the color of her nails, looking at her eyes with intensity and passion. That seduction gave Frank good results. Ana Gabriela, after long unwanted virginity, did not resist, especially since the criminal behaved like a gentleman, despite having initially forced her into his abrupt possession of her. Despite being a criminal act, Frank did not seem like a sick guy; on the contrary, he looked like an educated, refined person, with certain gestures perhaps not masculine, surely delicate. His behavior was also not that of a typical sexual maniac, although he had certain unbridled hobbies; and, for his benefit, his appearance and features could be described as those of an interesting fifty.

They were in the corner of the frame that forms the room of about twenty square meters, similar to the main room of an old mansion. From the bathroom door, the two of them looked farthest from that corner, just across the perfect geometric figure.

Slowly, almost judiciously, Frank seized the will of Ana Gabriela, who after a while was willing to collaborate with the rapist, especially after the caresses and tenderness he offered her, and because of his physique, as far as he could tell, she was very attracted too. She involuntarily had retained her virginity until that day. He kissed her first on the cheeks, then on the neck, and approached her body by wiping his hands behind her back and exploring the hasps of the teal dress, which a few minutes later would be fainting on the floor.

He, in a seemingly responsible attitude, lifted the garment from the ground and, taking his prisoner's hand, approached it to the bed where he sat it and ended up undressing it completely. Of course, with the same care and devotion that allowed him to seize Ana Gabriela's collaborative attitude. She looked at Frank's eyes for the first time, from the edge of the bed, in front of him. She discovered with surprise a deep blue color, seductive and extremely affectionate that caused a total mastery of her already fragile chastity, ready to end.

Frank Galicia had been desiring her for months. He watched her and did not dare, because within him there were prejudices, fears, and other opportunities that were presented that distracted his primary objective with the name of Ana Gabriela. That night, as if planned, they found themselves as two lovers after years of asexual courtship. In an act of fusion, their bodies spoke replacing words and ended up kissing with more passion than the sea to the sailor.

The clash with a conservative family, with a brother priest and Pastor would be tremendous.

Enjoying a rape was not of God. While at home, with tears in her eyes, Carolina, Ana Gabriela’s mother, desperately dialed the phone of Don Eusebio, the father of her two children, to convey her despair, about the disappearance, escape or kidnapping of Ana Gabriela. It was after midnight, she didn't answer her cell phone because she was in her car, while Ana Gabriela let Frank proceed. Carolina did not want to talk to her son, the priest, because she knew his raptured reactions, usually abrupt. For a couple of minutes after hanging up with his ex-husband, he received the long-awaited call from Ana Gabriela that indicated to his mother his immediate return home, without major setbacks. A few minutes before, Frank helped her get dressed, kissed her many times and guided her back to her car. He was afraid to leave her free, thinking about the complaint or revenge. Ana Gabriela made it clear, with her mute response, that she wanted to see him again and that attitude allowed him to trust her. While she explained to her mother about a very strong headache she had and decided to visit the nearest hospital because she felt faint. She didn't make calls because she didn't want to alert her mother and she also felt bad. She invented that the doctor made a couple of urgent tests and solved the problem with a specific medication. Doña Carolina, after a while, stopped crying. She was glad that the reason for the delay was not so serious. She really loved her daughter and her safety, of course,  distressed her.

Don Eusebio arrived at the same time as his daughter, in another car. Like  Doña Carolina, he was very worried about the event. The three remained several minutes hugging. There is no father who does not feel affliction about the possibility that his son or daughter is in danger, regardless of the problems that may exist between them. He left an hour and a half later and, after three coffees without sugar, when everyone was calmer.

For his part, Frank, just remembering the collision of their bodies, fogged the glasses of their glasses on that moonless night, illuminated by the city lamps. He walked home imaginarily reviewing the caresses that an hour before opened the doors of paradise more than any prayer or poem.

Eusebio enjoyed, as usual, his biweekly meeting with the superior priests of the Regional Congregation where they talked about the problems of each community of priests, the disputes among parishioners too, as happened to the Church of the Holy Cross because they wanted their choir to sing in the feast of his Patron Saint. While they exposed the most serious problems, such as the desertion of a priest or those who had a sexual scandal; about earthquakes in other parts of the world, a topic that was of great interest to Eusebio, because as a child he had a bad