The False Friend: 'If women were humbler, men would be honester''

By John Vanbrugh

Sir John Vanbrugh was born in London and baptised on 24th January 1664, the 4th of 19 children.

Vanbrugh was very political and soon came afoul of its machinations. He spent some time working undercover to help depose James II and bring about the Glorious Revolution of 1689 and the assumption of the throne by William of Orange It was on his return from bringing William messages at The Hague, that he was arrested at Calais on a charge of espionage in September 1688. Vanbrugh remained in prison in France for four and a half years.

After his release his career was to move in an entirely unexpected direction, and it would not be the last time.

London’s theatre at this time was riven by a split among its only legitimate company: the United Company. Colley Cibber, who remained with the management, had written and performed in January 1696 ‘Love’s Last Shift’. To Vanburgh’s mind it demanded a sequel and who better to come up with that then himself.

His play, ‘The Relapse, Or, Virtue in Danger’, was offered to the United Company six weeks later. The play was a tremendous success that saved the company. Vanbrugh's second comedy, ‘The Provok’d Wife’, soon followed, this time performed by the rebel actors' company.

However, in the following few years he was to reinvent himself as an architect. Despite no formal training his inexperience was balanced by his unerring eye for perspective and detail and his close working relationship with Nicholas Hawksmoor, a former clerk of Sir Christopher Wren.

He is perhaps best known for his majestic masterpieces: Castle Howard (commissioned in 1699) and Blenheim Palace (commissioned in 1704).

Sir John Vanbrugh died suddenly from what was stated as ‘an asthma’ on 26th March 1726. He was buried in the church of St Stephen Walbrook in the City of London.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stage Door
• Release date: Feb 10, 2020
• ISBN: 9781839673016

Book preview

The False Friend by John Vanbrugh

A COMEDY

Sir John Vanbrugh was born in London and baptised on 24th January 1664, the 4th of 19 children.

Vanbrugh was very political and soon came afoul of its machinations.  He spent some time working undercover to help depose James II and bring about the Glorious Revolution of 1689 and the assumption of the throne by William of Orange  It was on his return from bringing William messages at The Hague, that he was arrested at Calais on a charge of espionage in September 1688. Vanbrugh remained in prison in France for four and a half years.

After his release his career was to move in an entirely unexpected direction, and it would not be the last time.

London’s theatre at this time was riven by a split among its only legitimate company: the United Company.  Colley Cibber, who remained with the management, had written and performed in January 1696 ‘Love’s Last Shift’. To Vanburgh’s mind it demanded a sequel and who better to come up with that then himself.

His play, ‘The Relapse, Or, Virtue in Danger’, was offered to the United Company six weeks later.  The play was a tremendous success that saved the company. Vanbrugh's second comedy, ‘The Provok’d Wife’, soon followed, this time performed by the rebel actors' company.

However, in the following few years he was to reinvent himself as an architect. Despite no formal training his inexperience was balanced by his unerring eye for perspective and detail and his close working relationship with Nicholas Hawksmoor, a former clerk of Sir Christopher Wren.

He is perhaps best known for his majestic masterpieces: Castle Howard (commissioned in 1699) and Blenheim Palace (commissioned in 1704).

Sir John Vanbrugh died suddenly from what was stated as ‘an asthma’ on 26th March 1726. He was buried in the church of St Stephen Walbrook in the City of London.

Index of Contents

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ

SCENE: At Valencia

THE FALSE FRIEND

PROLOGUE

ACT I

SCENE I: Don John's Lodgings

ACT II

SCENE: Leonora's Apartment

ACT III

SCENE: Don Felix's House

SCENE changes to Leonora's Bed-Chamber

ACT IV

SCENE: Don Guzman's House

SCENE: Don Felix's House

ACT V

SCENE

SCENE: Don. Guzman's Apartments

EPILOGUE

JOHN VANBRUGH – A SHORT BIOGRAPHY

JOHN VANBRUGH – A CONCISE BIBLIOGRAPHY

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ

MEN

Don Felix, a Gentleman of Valencia,  Captain Griffin

Don Pedro, Lovers of Leonora     Mr Wilks

Don Guzman     Mr Mills

Don John     Mr Cibber

Lopez, Servant to Don John   Mr Pinkethman

Galindo, Servant to Don Guzman  Mr Bullock

WOMEN.

Leonora, Daughter to Don Felix   Mrs Rogers

Isabella, her Friend, and Sister to Guzman Mrs Kent

Jacinta, Woman to Leonora   Mrs Oldfield

SCENE: At Valencia

THE FALSE FRIEND

PROLOGUE

Spoken by CAPTAIN GRIFFIN

You dread Reformers of an impious Age,

You awful Cat-o'-nine Tails to the Stage,

This once be just, and in our Cause engage.

To gain your Favour, we your Rules obey,

And treat you with a moral Piece to-day;

So moral, we're afraid 'twill damn the Play.

For tho' y' ave long been leagu'd (as People tell)

To reduce the Power exorbitant of Hell;

No Troops you send, t' abate it in this Field,

But leave us still expos'd, to starve or yield.

Your Scouts, indeed, sometimes come stealing in,

T' observe this formidable Camp of Sin,

And whisper, if we'll piously declare,

What Aids you then will send, to help us thro' the War.

To this we answer, We're a feeble State,

And cannot well afford to love or hate,

So shou'd not meddle much in your Debate.

But, since your Cause is good, thus far we'll go,

When Portugal declares, we'll do so too.

Our Cases, as we think, are much alike,

And on the same Conditions, we should strike;

Send to their Aid a hundred Men of War,

To ours, a hundred Squadrons of the Fair;

Rig out your Wives and Daughters all around,

(I mean, wh' are fit for Service, tight and sound)

And, for a Proof our Meaning is sincere,

See but the Ships are good, and if you fear

A Want of Equipage, we'll mann them here.

These are the Terms on which you may engage

The Poet's Fire, to batter from the Stage:

Useful Ally! whose Friendship lets you in,

Upon the weak and naked Side of Sin.

Against your old Attack, the Foe's prepar'd,

Well fortify'd, and always on his Guard;

The sacred Shot you send are flung in vain;

By Impious Hands, with insolent Disdain,

They're gather'd up, and fir'd at you again.

Thro' baffled Toils, and unsuccessful Cares,

In Slaughter, Blood and Wounds, and pious Snares,

Y' ave made a Flanders War these fifteen hundred Years.

Change then your Scheme, if you'll your Foe annoy,

And the infernal Bajazet destroy;

Our Aid accept,

W' ave gentler Stratagems which may succeed;

We'll tickle 'em where you'd make 'em bleed:

In Sounds less harsh, we'll teach 'em to obey;

In softer Strains the evil Spirit lay,

And steal Immorality away.

ACT I

SCENE I

SCENE: Don John's Lodgings

Enter DON JOHN beating LOPEZ.

LOPEZ

Hold, Sir, hold; there's enough in all Conscience; I'm reasonable, I ask no more; I'm content.

DON JOHN

Then there's a double Content, you Dog, and a Brace of Contents more into the Bargain. Now is't well?

[Striking again and again.

LOPEZ

O, mighty well, Sir; you'll never mend it; pray leave it as 'tis.

DON JOHN

Look you, you Jackanapes, if ever I hear an Offer at your impertinent Advice again—

LOPEZ

And why, Sir, will you stifle the most useful of my Qualifications?

DON JOHN

Either, Sirrah, I pass for a very great Blockhead with you, or you are pleas'd to reckon much upon my Patience.

LOPEZ

Your Patience, Sir, indeed is great: I feel at this Time forty Proofs on't upon my Shoulders: But really, Sir, I wou'd advise you to—

DON JOHN

Again! I can bear thee no longer. Here, Pen and Ink, I'll give thee thy Discharge: Did I take you for a Valet, or a Privy-Counsellor, Sir?

LOPEZ

'Tis confess'd, Sir, you took me but for humble Employment; but my Intention was agreeably to surprize you with some superior Gifts of