Shattered Within: Mendocino Series Book Two

By Donetta Marie

Secrets are powerful, deceptive, and can run so deep, they can trap a person in their own personal hell, destroying you and everyone else around you—especially the one person you love the most.

Sexy, ruthless billionaire, Ben Worthington, will stop at nothing to protect Lily, including shielding her from his secret.

Lily’s near-death experience triggers Ben’s nightmares of his secretive past, and there is something about Lily’s stalker she’s not telling him. How can he fight a force he doesn’t fully understand?

Lily Larsen reevaluates the safety and emotional cost of her siblings with her latest brush with a madman who wants her dead. Lily trusts Ben to keep her safe, but it’s her heart she’s risking.

How can she ask Ben to share his secret when she’s hiding a truth from her past? To have Ben completely, she’ll have to put her secret on the line and brave whatever Ben reveals, no matter how shattering it may be.

Ben learns the true depth of danger Lily is in, but claiming her heart isn’t as easy.

Ben finally comes to terms and tells Lily his dismal secret. Would she forgive him and stay? Can he ever forgive himself?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Donetta Marie
• Release date: Mar 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463825174

Donetta Marie

Donetta Marie grew up in Paradise, a small town in Northern California, in the foothills of the Sierra Mountains. You may know it as the Campfire that destroyed 90% of the town from a wildfire caused by PG&Es faulty powerlines. She currently reside in Washington, DC. She graduated with Honors from Grand Canyon University with a Bachelors degree in Secondary Education in Social Studies. Her main passion of studies is anything related to Geography.When Donetta is not writing, she loves to read, watch movies, swim, shop at framers markets, and travel (including a book in one hand and rum drink in the other). And she enjoys good food, coffee, wine, conversation with close friends, and snuggling next to someone special by a warm fire.

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Dedication

This book is dedicated to, Neithen A. Orjuela. We share a lot of history, love, and deep friendship. You stood by me and encouraged me to stand firm on certain points in Ben and Lily’s love story when others’ were telling me to change it. I love you.

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank my critique partners for telling me like it is. Not once did you hold back your thoughts from me about Ben and Lily’s love story, and that is priceless beyond measure.

I would like to thank my copy editor and proofreader, Joyce Mochrie. Your insightful and professional thoughts on my writing are deeply appreciated.

Thanks also to my impeccable graphic designer, Steve Novak, for putting up with my indecisiveness. You were able to pull my ideas out of my head and created a beautiful book cover. You are truly awesome.

Chapter 1

Indescribable pain lashed through her soul. The grief ravaged her like someone took her insides, shook her bones to the core, and crumbled them to powder. Every muscle ached with burning tension, stretched taut like a rubber band ready to snap her sanity to pieces. Ben had held her heart in the palm of his hands, then lanced it with his betrayal, shattering her heart into a million fragments. It was too much for her to bear.

Lily doubled over the car’s steering wheel in anguish, her face in her trembling hands. The piercing pinch in her heart was as if Ben kept twisting the knife until it stopped beating. She couldn’t get the photos of Ben with Heather in various sexual positions out of her mind. Why, Ben? Why did he do it? Ben said it was over between them. It didn’t make any sense.

The hollow sensation in the pit of her stomach made her so nauseated, she felt like she might puke. She had stopped at the end of Ben’s long driveway, her vision too blurry from tears to drive any farther. She needed to calm down. Breathe, Lily, just breathe. Dammit. She needed to get away—as far away as possible.

Another loud sob escaped her throat. Oh God, the agony in her chest was unbearable. Lily needed to keep driving, or Ben would catch up to her and try to talk her into staying. She couldn’t listen to any more of his lies. Why, Ben? Why did he cheat on her with someone else? What was she going to do? She shook her head in an attempt to clear it and focus; she had to leave now.

The late afternoon had turned to twilight. Lily raised her head and noticed that a human silhouette stood to her left. At first, she thought it was Ben because she couldn’t see his face. Her muddled mind registered that the human shape was shorter than Ben’s. Who? The shadow moved closer to her car, and at the same time, the moon’s light lit upon the person’s face. Her tortured heart turned to ice in sheer terror. Oh God. It’s him. Casey had finally caught up to her.

Casey sneered at her. "Hello, Lily. You’ve been a very . . . very . . . naughty girl."

It can’t be you, she barely whispered.

You’ve run from me, hidden from me, and then given away what was rightfully mine.

Lily moaned in fear. Noooo—it can’t be you.

He shook his head from side to side. "Lily, Lily, Lily. What am I going to do with you?"

The air in her lungs stilled.

You know, Lily—you’re a slut—just like the rest of them. How could you have sex with that womanizer? You were supposed to be with me.

What? Oh, his insanity was worse than she feared.

He continued in his grating voice like nails down a chalkboard. Well, my dear, you owe me. Now you’ll do exactly what I say, or I’ll kill your lover and the two brats. Get out of the damn car, bitch.

Paralyzed with fear, she couldn’t move. Her hands strangled the steering wheel so hard, her knuckles turned white. Unable to catch her breath, Lily was on the verge of hyperventilating. What was she going to do? Try to stay calm, or he’d kill the kids, her niece and nephew, and Ben. No. She wouldn’t let that happen. She loved them—even Ben—no matter how much he hurt her. She couldn’t let any harm come to them. Breathe, Lily.

Think, Lily, think. Oh yes. Ben put a gun in her SUV’s side panel for protection. Slowly, she laid her forehead on the steering wheel and gradually slid her hand down the steering wheel to her lap. Her hand continued toward the side panel of the door where the gun was located. Stall him.

Taking a deep breath, she asked, Why are you here?

You know why I’m here. I’m here for you. To be with you, my love.

She took another deep breath. "I have never—nor will I ever—be your love." Where’s the damn pistol?

"Yes, that’s right, because you keep running. I’ve been waiting patiently for you to come to me, but now I am tired of your games. I’ve been a very tolerant man, Lily, and I’m not waiting anymore. If I had put a stop to your games earlier, you wouldn’t have slept with that womanizer. You were supposed to be mine. Mine."

I was never going to have sex with you. Don’t you see? I. Don’t. Love. You. I never have, and I never will. You tried to kill me back in Chicago!

Yes. She felt the tip of cool metal of the pistol with her fingertips. She slowly grabbed the handle, gradually moved her hand onto her lap, and waited for the right moment to fire.

Yes. I’m sorry about that. It was an accident. I didn’t mean to harm you, but you pushed me to it. It’s your fault I hurt you back in Chicago. If you hadn’t tried to lure me away from those two brats, I wouldn’t have injured you. They are nobodies. And you had two men living in your house. It was supposed to be you and me! And . . . it will be your fault that I have to hurt you again. He sneered at her with a vicious smile on his face.

Oh no, what was he going to do to her this time? Terrified he may try to stab her again, her hand that held the pistol trembled.

Calm down, Lily. Take a deep breath. Ben taught her well how to shoot to kill. She now had a firm hold on the handle of a twenty-two-millimeter pistol. She kept it in her hand, cradled on her lap. She skimmed her fingers along the gun, felt for the safety on the pistol, found it, and flicked it off. She was ready to defend herself. Take another deep breath.

Stall him. Those two men had every right to live with me; they’re my brothers. Hurting me will gain you nothing.

Yes, it will, because I’m taking you with me.

Her heart sputtered to a stop. What? I don’t understand. What do you mean?

If I can’t have you in this life, I’ll have you in the next. His fanatical words proved he was insane.

He meant to kill her first and then himself. She wasn’t ready to die; she had Mason and Cindy to love and look after. There were places she hadn’t traveled, and God, she loved Ben. She hadn’t even told him how she felt. Maybe if she had, he wouldn’t have slept with Heather. Nevertheless, she could still protect Ben and the kids. She had to at least try.

She looked straight into Casey’s black, bottomless eyes full of lethal intent. Her resolve settled in her heart and mind: she would take him down before he harmed another loved one in her life. She was ready to go down in this fight, but she would most definitely take him down with her.

Casey screamed, Get out of the fucking car—now!

Lily slowly put the pistol in her right hand and opened the truck door, keeping the gun out of eyesight. She never took her eyes off Casey. Ben’s words echoed in her head. Remember, never take your eyes off your enemy. Their eyes give away their next move, and you’ll be ready to strike first before the enemy does. Remember, stay calm and focus; it will keep you alive.

Not so high and mighty now are you, bitch? Take your clothes off.

What?

I’m going to fuck you first before I really begin to hurt you. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be begging me to kill you.

Gritting her teeth together, she said, Over my dead body.

It seemed everything happened in slow motion. He gazed down at his gun, giving himself away, and said, I thought you might say that.

Lily barely blinked when she saw his finger begin to pull on the trigger. She dropped to the left toward the ground, whipped her right arm up, aimed, and took her shot. At the same time, a piercing, burning agony ripped through her upper right shoulder, knocking the air from her lungs. Pain exploded in her head from hitting the gravel driveway and resonated throughout her body. Moaning in discomfort, she gradually moved to see if she hit Casey. He stared at his left upper leg, surprised she’d shot him.

From a distance, she heard Ben’s anguished scream, yelling her name.

Just as Casey looked over at her, she already had her right arm up. She took aim, focused on her target, and shot again, but he spun too quickly for her to reach her mark . . . between the eyes. Shit. She missed.

Casey limped somewhere into the dark shadows of the night. She heard his staggered, running steps fade away in the distance. He yelled at her, I’ll be back, Lily. You haven’t seen the last of me!

She closed her eyes and groaned, No. Lily laid her throbbing head down onto the cool gravel.

Lily heard footsteps running in the distance that ran toward her. Her eyes shot open, her sight distorted from tears that pooled in the corner of her eyes and then ran down her cheeks. God help her. She hoped it wasn’t Casey coming back. She didn’t think she had the strength to lift her right arm to shoot him again. Her head wouldn’t stop pounding as darkness surrounded her eyesight and wanted to pull her under; she fought to keep it at bay. Cold. It was so cold . . . she shivered.

Close by, she heard several car tires screeching to a halt and many people running. She heard her name being called from a distance, as if she were at the end of a very long tunnel.

Lily whispered, Ben, help me . . . I’m so . . . scared.

Slowly turning her head, the sight of the gravel faded in and out. Her tears trickled down the side of her face into her hair. Turning her head back up to the evening sky, she noticed the stars twinkled in the twilight. As she blinked, her vision clouded over by a dark film which covered her eyes. Exhausted and tired of fighting, her eyes fluttered shut.

Suddenly, warm, strong arms caressed her. Lily! Lily, open your eyes. Open your eyes, baby. Look at me dammit. Do as you’re told; open your eyes.

Domineering as ever. Ben’s agonized voice sounded so worried—even scared. Sighing, her heavy-lidded eyes slowly opened and tried to focus on Ben’s blurry face, but she couldn’t. The darkness tried to pull her into its deep abyss.

Ben’s anguish laced through his voice, Oh God, Lily. What has he done to you? Ben’s face was so pale in the night.

Ben turned to someone and yelled, Find that mother fucker. I want him found—dead or alive. I don’t care which.

Oh, Ben was so mad, his body radiated with intense anger.

She stuttered, Cold . . . s-so c-cold.

Ben swore as he lifted her from the ground, got into a truck, and sat her on his lap.

To the hospital. And drive fast. I can’t stop the bleeding, Ben snapped out.

She choked out, Ben. She struggled to speak, The kids. P-protect kids. He’s a-after Mason and Cindy.

Hush. Save your strength. Don’t worry. Stan called Rick to warn him.

A tear ran down his cheek. She raised her bloodied hand to his cheek, smearing blood on his face. She couldn’t feel anything. A cold numbness was swallowing her up. She tried to keep her focus on Ben’s distressed expression.

The darkness further clouded her vision. She heard a choked sob. Oh Lily. I’m so sorry. I should have told you a long time ago. I can’t live without you. Please, don’t leave me. I need you.

Lily barely pushed the words out. Sorry—should—given—you—chance—explain.

Ben kissed her temple and whispered, Don’t leave me, Lily.

She lost the rest of her strength. Her hand fell from Ben’s cheek. Her eyes closed, and she murmured, Love you—Ben—always.

And just as the cold darkness dragged her to its deep abyss, she heard Ben cry out, Lily, Lily! Lily, stay with me!

~

Pain. A burning sensation sliced through her right shoulder, waking her from a deep sleep. A persistent, sharp throb resonated throughout her head. In the murkiness, she tried to focus on the whispered voices. What do you mean the bastard got away? He has to be somewhere close by. I think Lily shot him twice. He’s got to be injured.

Lily wanted to tell Ben she shot Casey once, but she couldn’t move her lips and her eyes were heavy, as if weights sat on top, keeping them closed. The darkness hovered and dragged her under.

She woke again and heard Ben swear. I want Heather found immediately. She deliberately left those old pictures in Lily’s bedroom to hurt her. She’ll pay if it’s the last thing I do.

Who gave her those pictures? Why won’t her eyes open? She wanted to ask Ben who left those horrible pictures of him with Heather in her bedroom, but she couldn’t. She was so tired. There was a dull throb in her head and a biting, burning pain in her right shoulder. It was too much. She drifted back into oblivion on a curtain of dark fog.

She heard Ben’s soft, whispered words. Why won’t she wake up?

The doctor said she took a hard hit to the back of her head. It must have been when she fell onto the ground when that psycho shot her. In time, she’ll wake up when the swelling goes down. She knew that voice. It was Rick; he sounded tired and worried. Jesus, she just barely recovered from the hit-and-run incident less than three months ago.

What was she thinking, taking off like she did on one of your stallions, Rick? You still haven’t answered my questions about that. She knew that voice, too. Her brother Shane sounded pissed off.

Shane, I didn’t know why she took off until she returned. Rick sighed, When she told Amy and me about the pictures left in her bedroom of Ben and his past girlfriend, I was shocked. Lily was distraught. I tried to stop her, but she was too quick—like someone lit a fire underneath her, and she couldn’t get away fast enough.

There was a long pause before Rick continued, When Lily showed up the following morning, running for her very life with that psycho on her heels, all I could think about was Amy, the kids, and Lily’s safety. Lily had been on the move all night so that fucking bastard wouldn’t catch her. Just thinking about it gives me chills throughout my body.

Lily felt someone take her hand and hold it gently.

Rick explained, Shane, I was so consumed with organizing a search party to find that crazy bastard—and keeping everyone safe—it wasn’t until dinnertime I realized Lily took off again. Amy assured me Lily went to see Ben. After that, you’ll have to ask Ben what happened.

She gathered what strength she could and tried to squeeze the person’s hand that held hers. Lily heard a sharp intake of breath. Lily? Lily? Are you awake?

It was Ben. Her heart leaped with joy. She heard a loud beeping noise going faster.

Ben, relax. She’s not awake yet, Rick said.

She clutched my hand. I know she did. And look at the heart monitor it’s beeping faster, Ben choked up.

Lily felt someone else take a hold of her other hand. Lily, sweets, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand.

Her brother Shane was talking to her. She concentrated all of her energy and pressed on his hand. She squeezed my hand, too. Lily, wake up. Come on, Sis; you can do it. Open your eyes. Shane desperately pleaded with her.

Lily tried so hard to open her eyes, but she couldn’t do it. Out of utter frustration, she moaned a sob and felt tears run down her face. She heard Ben murmur to her it was all right, they were all there for her, and wiped her tears away. Only it was too much, and she fell back into the black abyss.

It’s been four fucking days. Surely, she should be awake by now. Lily? Lily, wake up. Please, honey. I need you to open your eyes, Ben implored her, desperation laced in his voice.

Oh Ben. She tried, but her eyelids were heavy and wouldn’t cooperate.

A feminine voice spoke out. Ben, give her some time; she’ll wake up. Lily needs time to rest and heal. You’re doing no good working yourself up like this. I’ll stay with Lily for a little while so you can go home and get cleaned up. Get a decent amount of sleep. Do you want Lily to wake up and see you so out of sorts?

Amy. Oh God. She thought she already left for her parents’ home. She should not be here; it was not safe.

Her hand clenched around Ben’s hand. Lily? Lily, are you awake? Open your eyes, honey. I felt you clench my hand. Can you do it again?

She clenched her hand around Ben’s again. Amy! She heard me. She’s trying to wake up. Lily. Lily, fight to open your eyes. Come on, I know you can do it. Lily. Lily . . . Lily.

It was too hard. She was so tired. Again, she drifted off and heard Ben repeat her name farther and farther away until she was back into the dark oblivion.

Chapter 2

Lily didn’t know when or how long she had faded in and out of consciousness when her eyes finally opened to sunshine that peeked through the curtain window. She blinked several times, not sure if she was truly seeing daylight. Once her vision came into focus, she glanced at her surroundings and realized she was in a clean, sterile hospital room. She moaned to herself, not another hospital room.

Ever so slightly, she moved her head and saw that Ben sat in a lounge chair bent over her bed, faced toward her, sound asleep. He still held her hand. He looked awful. Ben must have several days’ growth of facial hair. His hair was a ruffled mess that hung over his forehead. She couldn’t help herself. Lily raised a trembling hand and moved the hair back from his brow.

Her fingers brushed his hair; his sleepy eyes blinked open at her in a daze. Hi, she croaked past dry cracked lips.

His eyes blinked rapidly. Ben whispered with hope in his voice, Lily?

Lily gave him a small smile. You’re here, she murmured through her cottonmouth.

Ben tightened his hold on her hand as a sob broke from his throat. Yes, of course I’m here. I wouldn’t be anywhere else. Thank God, you’re finally awake. I’ve been so worried.

Then he gave her a quick kiss on the lips and searched her eyes questioningly, How are you feeling?

I feel a little light-headed and my head aches a bit. I’m hungry, she rasped out.

Ben’s smile reached his tired eyes. I’ll be right back. I’m going to get the nurse.

Ben stopped, spun back around, and kissed her again on the lips. He looked straight into her eyes, and murmured against her lips, Don’t ever put me through that again. My heart could not take it. Then he walked out of the room.

Lily took in the stark-white sterility of her surroundings. Instantly, she was bombarded with memories of when she was in the hospital in Chicago. Her heart beat rapidly. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm the rising anxiety of wanting to run from the room. She had come to hate hospitals since her incident in Chicago, and she was back in another one because of her stalker.

Lily kept her eyes closed.

After what felt like hours had passed, Ben returned. His fingers skimmed lightly along her forehead. He murmured, anxiety in his voice, Lily, are you awake? I brought the nurse.

Her eyes still closed, she sighed, Yes, I’m awake.

He let out a slow breath, relief reflected in his voice. You need to open your eyes.

She mumbled, I don’t want to.

Well, you better, because I don’t want you slipping back into a coma, Ben demanded.

That got her to open her eyes quickly. She never wanted to feel the way she did—in and out of consciousness, helpless, unable to communicate with anyone around her.

Ben’s lips twitched. Good. That got your attention.

Humph. She turned her attention to the nurse. She’ll deal with Ben’s arrogance later.

Good morning, Lily. My name is Sally. I’ve been your day nurse for the past five days.

Lily panicked; she started to wheeze for air. Five days?

Ben tried to reassure her. It’s all right, Lily. You’ll be fine. You took a hard hit to the back of your head and a gunshot wound to your right shoulder. You’re safe now.

Her voice raspy, she asked desperately, Amy and all the children?

They are well-guarded and hardly leave the house except when they all come here to see you, and even then they are very well protected.

Lily? How do you feel? Nurse Sally asked with a friendly smile.

Thirsty. Hungry.

Ben smiled at her.

The nurse asked, How about your head and the wound on your shoulder?

There’s a dull ache on the back of my head and in my shoulder, but not too painful.

Good. I think we can give you some ibuprofen for the aches. I will notify the doctor right away that you’re awake. I’ll be right back with some ice chips for you to suck on to help with your thirst. We’re glad you’re back with us. Some of us have been very worried about you, driving us nurses crazy. Nurse Sally smiled at her and slipped out of the room, while Ben frowned at the nurse.

Lily’s lips twitched. Ben’s head bowed over hers, his smile sad as his eyes began to mist over. He quickly gave her a peck on the lips.

I’m so sorry, she whispered.

About what? He squeezed her hand.

I didn’t give you a chance to explain about those pictures. I would like to know about them now. She held her breath and waited.

Ben replied, Lily, we don’t have to talk about that now if you don’t want to.

I do. I need to know, Ben.

I won’t lie to you. It hurt me a lot that you had such little faith in me you didn’t give me a chance to explain anything to you. I had no idea why you were so upset at me, especially when I’ve told you time and time again it’s you and only you I want. You are my present and future.

Lily saw the lingering pain cloud his eyes while he looked at her. Oh Ben, I’m . . . .

Ben stopped her by placing a finger on her lips. Shh, he whispered, and then continued, It’s okay because I realized it was my fault, too. I didn’t give you a reason to have faith in me, and for that, I’m sorry. I never told you how I really feel about you. I’m falling for you, Lily. I want to build a life, a future with you. One of my worst fears came true when you ran from me, leaving me. His voice cracked at the end.

She held her hands out to him and said, Ben, lie down beside me.

Ben crawled onto the bed next to her. They were lying on their sides, facing each other.

I thought I’d lost you. Watching you drive away gutted me. Then I saw the pictures and decided to come after you. When I heard those gunshots, my heart died. I’ve never been so scared in my life. He barely whispered.

Lily raised her fingers to wipe a tear from his cheek. Ben moved his hand over hers and held it next to his cheek.

The pictures were taken a long time ago as a precaution from being blackmailed.

Lily gasped, Do those women know you took pictures of them in compromising positions with you?

Yes. I have their written consent in a file locked away. I made sure it was all consensual and legally tied up in signed documents through everyone’s lawyers.

Lily bit her lip. Have you . . . .

Have I what?

She took a deep breath for courage. Did you take pictures of us?

No. None whatsoever. If that’s what I wanted, I would’ve been completely up-front about taking pictures with you, Lily, a long time ago.

Lily saw the sincerity in his gaze. She rested easier. Okay. I believe you.

Ben continued to explain, Lily, I was dating a new woman about every five to six months, looking for the right woman for me. But after years of women only liking me for my money, it got old quick. Then I met Heather. I thought she loved me for me—not my money—but I was wrong. I found her fucking another man. I immediately ended our relationship, and I haven’t dated anyone since. Months later, I shredded all the pictures. I had no idea there were copies made. I did give Heather access to my safe; I trusted her. I changed the combination to my safe when things ended, so she must have made copies while we were still together.

When did your relationship with Heather end? Lily asked.

I told you, five years ago.

So Ben had told her the truth that disastrous night back in San Francisco.

Incredulous, she asked, So you really have been celibate for five years?

He grinned at her. Yes. Why are you so surprised? I would never lie to you, Lily.

I thought you were just saying that to make things easier on me. No wonder you’re so insatiable, so demanding, she said.

He chuckled and shamelessly smirked at her. I know what I like, and I like fucking you. I can’t get enough of you. You drive me crazy sometimes, especially when you don’t listen to me or do as you’re told.

She frowned at him warily, and his smile slipped. What is it? he asked.

How did she ask him such an intimate question?

Lily, what is it? You can ask me or tell me anything.

She bit her lip nervously. Okay. Was it only fucking?

Lily glanced away from his eyes, dreading his answer.

His forefinger and thumb tilted her chin back. Lily, look at me.

Hesitantly, she looked at him.

At first, I thought it was just fucking. We had a mutual attraction we needed to satisfy. But along the way, getting to know you—and after our first time together, realizing you gave yourself to me—it changed everything for me. Our relationship is something much deeper and more meaningful. Is it making love? I don’t know. I do know I can’t live my life without you. I want you in my life, now and always.

Her eyebrows rose. You do?

Yes, does that answer your question?

Yes, for now, she grinned at him. Lily will deal with the ‘love’ word later.

Ben chuckled at her, Brat. He slapped her lightly on her bottom.

Her heart warmed at his playfulness, but it quickly changed when the seriousness set in on why she was in the hospital. "Ben. Why wasn’t I told about . . . him being in town? He’s now tried to kill me three times. I had a right to know he was here, for the kids’ and my safety."

Ben’s jaw set in a hard line. Great, he was going to be stubborn now. "What do you mean he’s tried to kill you three times? I only know a little bit of the incident in Chicago and the gunshot to your shoulder."

Rick must not have told Ben yet. Lily bit her lower lip and debated on how to tell Ben.

Lily, tell me right now. The muscle in his cheek twitched, which meant he was angry.

She laid a finger on his lips. First, you need to stop being bossy or this conversation ends.

Ben was taken aback; his eyes widened with surprise. He looked away from her for a moment, but when he looked at her again, his eyes were glazed over with hurt.

Sorry I’m being a bit bossy, but I almost lost you. You know when I can’t control what’s going on—especially with your safety—it starts to unravel me. I don’t know how else to explain it. These past several days have been hell, knowing you ran from me and minutes later you were shot. You’ve been laid up in bed not waking up. It’s been a bit much for me to keep my control intact.

Lily sighed and reached out for his hand. Ben clasped it. They held each other’s eyes. She knew Ben was trying. This wasn’t easy for him or for her, for that matter. They needed to clear the air between them and finish this conversation. Ben, when I saw those pictures of you, it . . . upset me. The walls started to close in on me, so I took off on Lightning . . .

He cut her off. "You did what? You rode on Lightning when you were upset? Oh God, there was a thunderstorm, and you were out in it."

Lily tilted her chin up. Yes.

Ben closed his eyes and breathed deeply from his nose. When he opened his eyes, they flickered with fire. He fiercely said, Jesus Christ, Lily. What are you trying to do to me?

He kissed her hard and thoroughly, then abruptly ended it and left her panting for more. Continue.

Sheesh. His mood swings easily flew with the wind sometimes. She raised her eyebrow at him again. He better watch it.

When I realized a storm was coming, I started to head back. As I was riding through the forest, an arrow was shot at me and grazed my shoulder on the side. It cut my skin and landed in the tree behind me. The sound of the arrow hitting the tree spooked Lightning, and he threw me. He took off at a full gallop. That was when I realized Casey had found me. I was horseless and had to make a run for it. It took me all night to get back home. She finished in a shaky voice.

Ben leaned his forehead against hers. Oh my God, Lily. You’ve been through hell the last several days. To think I almost lost you to an arrow, then the pictures, a gunshot, and a head injury . . . it’s enough to put me in an early grave.

He searched her eyes and gently ran his finger along her cheek. Lily watched Ben hold back the mist that gathered in his eyes. He whispered, What are you doing to me?

I can’t help it that there’s a psychopath after me, and your past has come to bite us both in the ass. Believe me when I say I would like nothing more than to live a normal, quiet life without having to constantly look over my shoulder.

She took a deep breath to calm down, and continued, I’m constantly worrying if the kids will be hurt by this psycho. He even threatened to kill you because I’ve slept with you. I don’t know what to do about this anymore. I am so scared, Ben.

How the hell does he know you’ve slept with me? he demanded.

I have no idea, she screeched at him. She was so agitated.

Shh, Lily. I didn’t mean to get you upset. I’m surprised he knows about us. He was in the stables, which means he’s been around longer than we all thought he was. I’ve got to talk to Rick and the other guys.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Yes, about the other guys, Ben."

He looked warily at her. Damn straight, he should.

When were you going to tell me your Navy SEAL friends are in town? In fact, why the hell haven’t they come to see me since they’ve been here?

A decision was made.

I don’t like the people I care about keeping important information from me, especially when it involves my safety and that of the kids. I hate secrets of any kind. She hit him on the chest, and started to cry.

Ben quickly grabbed her hands and pinned them against his chest. Oh no, Lily. Please don’t cry. It breaks my heart, he murmured against her ear.

Why, Ben? It almost got me killed, she hiccupped.

Ben flinched at her last statement. Everyone agreed to keep things looking normal. We didn’t want to tip Casey off in case he was watching. We wanted to catch him before he made his move. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out so well, as you’ve easily proven, he said dryly at her.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. Ben was stalling.

He heaved a sigh. Give me a break, Lily. I was trying to do my best to protect you and the kids. Being in a relationship is an adjustment for me. I’ve been on my own doing things my way for a long time. I’m not used to confiding or sharing my thoughts, feelings, concerns, or worries with someone else.

Oh. She remembered their conversation when they were in San Francisco. It was the first time Ben really began to open up with her when his brother Chase was having difficulties. She knew, without a doubt, it wasn’t easy for him to admit everything he just said.

Her heart melted. Okay, Ben.

His eyes went wide with surprise by her easy understanding.

Lily whispered, But please, I need to know what’s going on. No more secrets; it nearly killed me. My heart can’t take it, either.

I promise. After what’s happened in the last few days—almost losing you—it will never happen again. He kissed her tenderly on the lips.

Ben, I want to know who decided.

He sighed, It was your brother Ryan.

Before she could respond the door to her hospital room opened. Okay, you two love birds; that’s enough. Sir, you’re not allowed on the bed. I’ve brought you your ice chips, Lily, and some more company, Nurse Sally happily said.

Ben climbed off the bed.

Amy rushed into the room, cried with happiness, and launched herself at her. I was so worried. Don’t you ever put me through something like that again—with Lightning, the arrow, the gunshot—all of it damn it.

Okay, I’ll try not to, she murmured.

I brought you buttermilk pancakes with my famous maple syrup. Amy whispered in her ear so Nurse Sally couldn’t hear.

Lily smiled up at Amy and silently mouthed thank you. The kids climbed up on the bed. Nurse Sally raised her hands in the air and grumbled on her way out due to the fact that someone would be lying next to her.

Mason sat Indian style and held her left hand, while Cindy snuggled up on her right side and sniffled. "Mason and I were so scared the bad man took you